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derek-thomas

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dataset-creator-reddit-amitheasshole

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As of right now, she has another year left and we're investing another 20k of our savings into her business. In total it has cost us 60k in the last 5 years. And will be close to 85k in a years time. In profit, the business has only made 8k in sales over these 5 years. I've asked her to focus on marketing, website design and sales for this next year. And if it doesn't work, to maybe put it on hold and do just small work from home. She can only see I'm taking the business away from her. I'm not, I'm just saying it unfair to keep draining important time and energy into something that is costing us so much. I need help paying the bills and raising our kids. I also run a business. Which I took 6 months off, over the end of last year and the start of this year. Just to reboot and focus on my health. I've just won 200k of contracts and now she's saying I need to close my business down, because it only made 12.5k over the 6 months I was away. And go get a job with a weekly pay check and that I'm just as much part of the problem as she is. I'm so confused. I know contract work is annoying in waiting for payment. But I just can't see her side of the argument. Am I missing something? We've even oganised a nanny to help in the mornings. Giving her more time over the last year. Costing around 35k a year.

Personal_Pin_5312

AITA for asking my wife to pack up her business of 5 years because it's not making any money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hikkc/aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_pack_up_her_business/

17hikkc

I (20m) actually moved out of my dad's house when I was 16 and went to live with my maternal grandparents in another state because things with my dad and his family became so toxic. The reason for this is that they chose my dad's second wife over me. I was 6 when I lost my mom and 8 when my dad met Diane. I never liked Diane. Initially it was because I saw her presence as being disrespectful to my mom. I was a kid, a little boy who lost his mom and I was a momma's boy so maybe not too surprising. But Diane showed me early that she did not like mentions of my mom. She never said it to my dad or his family, just to me. She'd say it hurt her feelings that I would talk about mom around her like mom was somehow better than her or that I would rather have my mom back. I told my dad and my extended family and they were like oh don't be silly, Diane loves us and she talks about your mom when we do, this is because you don't like your dad moving on. Over the following few years dad and Diane got married and had kids together and Diane would tell me how much she hated the fact even dad's family missed mom and spoke about her on occasion. She said we were all supposed to be hers now. The more I spoke out the more dad would tell me I was trying to ruin his new happiness and that it was cruel to expect him to stay alone forever. I told him he could do better than Diane and I got a lecture from him and my family saying Diane was amazing and mom would have loved her. I even showed them a video I took of Diane making annoyed and disgusted faces and rolling her eyes when mom was mentioned and I was told she knew I was filming and she was sick of my shit. My dad agreed to let me go at 16 because I told him I would not try to get along better with Diane and I wanted no part of his family anymore. Two months ago Diane exposed herself to the family and really showed them how she felt about mom. One of my cousins was celebrating her birthday and it was one of the milestone birthdays and mom was mentioned and photos were shown of mom since she was my cousins godmother. Diane went off on how she hated my mom and was glad she was dead and she wishes she could erase her from everyone's memories and a bunch of other stuff. My dad and his family (minus his younger kids of course) all came crawling back and sent me messages apologizing. I ignored them until it got so overwhelming that they all got together while dad called my grandparents to talk to me. They apologized again and when I said nothing right away they told me I should accept their apology and talk to them. This is when I told them their apology is meaningless to me. They told me I shouldn't say that, I'm being petty, because they're trying to make amends. My dad said nothing was so bad that they couldn't make up for it and I said it was still meaningless. They ended the call pissed off at me and saying I was being childish. AITA?

Opening-Picture3825

AITA for telling my dad and his family that their apology is meaningless to me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hikzo/aita_for_telling_my_dad_and_his_family_that_their/

17hikzo

So I was reprimanded by a colleague for blowing my nose in the kitchen area at work. No one was preparing any food but even if they were I was blowing into tissue. I'm not confrontational so I won't do it again I'm just curious where everyone else thinks this falls?

choiceswearwords

AITA for blowing my nose in the kitchen at work

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hin3x/aita_for_blowing_my_nose_in_the_kitchen_at_work/

17hin3x

My wife (29F) and I (29m) have a 10 months old (m). We're both working full time and have a nanny for 8–9 hours a day during week days (with the flexibility to sometimes do up to 12 hours if need be). It's a setup that works for us, I stay with the little one during the night, then my wife takes him for an hour in the morning to let me catch up on sleep and in the evenings we share responsibilities evenly. My high school class is organizing a reunion 10 years after graduating. Despite not really being in touch with nearly anyone from the group, I thought it would be fun to attend and see how everyone is doing, but I'd need to fly back to my home town for it (\~3 hours) and so I asked my wife for opinion — initially suggesting I'd stay two days to also visit family and some friends, but even one day would be fine. The reaction I got was close to calling me an asshole for wanting to 'get out' at all and leave her alone with the child. Later my wife mentioned that this is something she wouldn't even dream of doing herself because she would feel too guilty leaving our son with only one parent.I should say that this isn't the first time I'd be away from home for 1–2 nights, but it would be the first non-work related reason. My wife hasn't traveled anywhere by herself since the birth, yet. I'll stay home in the end, but I'm wondering — AITA for not thinking this was a big deal?

throw-reu-123

AITA for wanting to attend a school reunion while having a child?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hitce/aita_for_wanting_to_attend_a_school_reunion_while/

17hitce

My brother (37 M), who is two years older than me, has had anger and rage issues since he was about 11-12. My parents honestly were not aware or equipped to get him the kind of help he needed as a kid and since then he has only got worse. So much so, that he is unpredictable even in public settings and gets triggered easily. Most of his friends and extended family have distanced themselves from him, and about 5-6 years ago, I made the choice to set some hard boundaries when I started experiencing symptoms of PTSD myself due to years of dealing with my brother's emotional outbursts. Mind you, these are not normal tantrums. These are draining and emotionally wrecking and leave me completely shaken and unable to function. My parents otherwise have been wonderful parents. Happy childhood, strong values, freedom to become my own person, and so far, unhindered support whenever we needed. My mother (72), however, has not been able to accept my decision and keeps pushing for a reconciliation (one of my boundaries is that I will not spend a night under the same roof as him). My brother has had a patchy employment history because of his issues, and refuses to seek help. He has also developed associated drinking issues. This time when I went to visit my parents, my mother broke down in tears and called me an asshole for causing her continued stress and pain for not reconciling with my brother. She also told me that he will be homeless and out of work soon and he will come to stay with them until he finds some other alternative and even if he doesn't, he has a place with them forever, as their son. She then proceeded to ask me what living arrangements would I be making when I visit them next. I was crushed. To me it sounded like my brother always has a place in their home and I don't, and I told her that. She blamed my rule of not staying under the same roof as the cause of trouble and told me that I need to be responsible for it, since I imposed it. I have since asked my mother clearly to make a choice - confront my brother or run the risk of having me stop visiting them completely. She can either choose to host him and I don't visit them in my family home again, or simply ask my brother to make alternate arrangements for the week or so in a year that I visit them. They visit me for a couple of weeks every year and they are more than welcome to continue and I am with them for everything else but I would not be going to their home any more. Am I the asshole for demanding that from my parent?

Express_Deal_2974

AITA for telling my mother to choose between my brother and I?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hiuxi/aita_for_telling_my_mother_to_choose_between_my/

17hiuxi

I(16m) go to a British international school, thanks to my dad. My mom’s husband, who she cheated on my dad with several years ago when they were together, can’t afford to send his son ‘Jack’(16m) to a similar school. She has tried to get my dad to withdraw me and send me to a public school instead because it ‘isn’t fair on Jack’ but my dad said no. She has taken to visiting me when my dad wasn’t home and saying that I don’t have to be in a ‘fancy private school’, and that I should talk to my dad about withdrawing. She even told me it has given me ‘an elitist hobby’ - I like reading Shakespeare. So I told her that it isn’t my fault her husband spent all his money on his mistress(something she has vented to me about before) and that she can’t expect me to give up what I have now for the sake of a guy I only see once a month. My mom looked really hurt and said I was being inconsiderate of her feelings before leaving. Update : So I called mom and talked to her about it some more. I made it clear to her that I will never give up any of my opportunities for her stepson’s sake. She got upset at me and told me that I’m selfish, so I told her that unlike her at least I’m not a cheater who lost custody by snorting cocaine in front of her then 11 year old son. That’s it. She won’t be bothering me anymore. No contact now.

EffseSpecial8681

AITA for telling my mom it’s not my fault her husband can’t afford to send her stepson to the same school I attend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hivsv/aita_for_telling_my_mom_its_not_my_fault_her/

17hivsv

Here me out first as the title seems to indicate refusal of paying dinner. Let the story begin. A close friend of mine have been asking my family (wife and daughter) for dinner at their home over the past few months. So, we decided to accept the invite and went to their home last weekend. The friend decided to not cook at home and decided to have take out, sure not problem. I went with him to Indian restaurant and he ordered quite a few varieties of dishes, rice, naan etc. Total $250. Meal was nice and enjoyable and there was quite alot of food remaining. After a sometimes it was time to go home and while we were saying goodbye, my friend just brushy said when you get home, transfer half for the dinner. I didn't at time registered and just agreed. But when I got home and started thinking about it, I just felt weird. We were invited because they wanted us to come over and host dinner. So the question is, WIBTA to go back and outline why I shouldn't pay or just pay but be wary in the future. *edit - the leftovers was not offered and remained with the host.

fizz_007

WIBTA for not paying for dinner?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hj3yg/wibta_for_not_paying_for_dinner/

17hj3yg

I (16 F), was in French class, during which another French teacher came to the door and started speaking to my teacher (Mr Waters). It was work time for us, so everyone was talking in their own little groups, but as their conversations slowly died out, mine kept going. As the other teacher was having a conversation with Mr Waters (who btw was sitting on the opposite ends of the room) about an excursion the class was going on, when he suddenly stopped talking and turned to me. He began telling me off for speaking whilst he was speaking, and asked me to repeat what the other teacher had said. Since I was only whispering, I was able to do so, and was confused as the conversation was about a change in plans for the day, so ofc I had assumed it was a conversation just for the teachers. Nonetheless, after I repeated it, he explained how me talking made it hard for him to hear the other teacher in their conversation. To this day, I still don't know why the other teacher stayed behind the door instead of just walking in. He then explained that I was seeking attention, and he knows that I like talking because I'm an attention seeker. I was incredulous at that, since I never would have thought he would say that, so I sort of chuckled nervously, not in a malicious way, but in a 'huh?' kind of way. "Is something funny?" he asked me. "is being disrespectful and rude funny to you?" and I replied with a plethora of Nos. He as talking extremely loudly, and I was really embarrassed and a little scared. He was so loud that after the class, the kids from the room next door came and asked me if I was okay. I guess I was talking while he was, but I just assumed they were having their own conversation, and people around me was talking too. AITA?

megapinttt

AITA for talking while the teacher was having a conversation?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hj9lv/aita_for_talking_while_the_teacher_was_having_a/

17hj9lv

My partner and I are getting married in a years time. We sent out the "save the date" cards with a nice note saying that it will be adults only event (18+) as most of our friends and family members have kids. Our friends and my partners family don't have any issues with this. They all are happy to have a night away from the kids and were grateful for a years notice to find babysitters. My family however, weren't. My sister has told me that she and my BIL won't be able to attend as their kids (ranging she from 7 to 13) won't be allowed to attend and she can't find a babysitter. I suggested her inlaws (as a possibility) who regularly look after her kids and explained my reasons for having an adult only event (cost being one of them and we were going to do a separate day where we have a mock wedding after we get back from the honeymoon) but she still refused to attend. I said that's fine and I respect her decision, and said I won't send her an invite as to not rub the wedding in her face. Now my parents and brother are angry at me for not going to send her an invite (which will have the location (local) and time of the wedding) and are refusing to attend also. Last time she was invited to an adults only wedding, 2 years ago, she brought the her kids along (against the bride and grooms wishes) and they ended up screaming through the service and destroyed the cake. I want people to relax and enjoy my wedding without having to worry about crying kids or wondering where they are. My partner supports me but thinks I should not send out invitations to either my sister, my parents as well my brother. So I'm wondering AITA for not sending them invitations? They can still come to the "kiddie" wedding as that's going to be more kid friendly. Please note that no invitations have gone out yet and will be going out in the next 6 months.

W0nderst4r

AITA for not giving my sister an invite to my wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hjbil/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_an_invite_to_my/

17hjbil

I (32m) am getting married to my long term girlfriend Gemma (30f) at the end of November. Now me and Gemma are having a small wedding with only close family and friends invited mainly because we don't want it to be an inconvenience to others and choosing a venue is really hard due to Gemma's allergy. Gemma is allergic to dogs and is terrified of them due to a freak accident when she was younger (that's also when she found out she is allergic to them). While her allergy is not deadly, even when taking anti allergies her face would get significantly swollen, have red marks all over it that are visable even with heavy make up and she would constantly sneeze. Lockdown was a blessing in a way that she could wear a face mask that was helping with allergies, she is still trying to wear face masks to help her, but can't always do it inside as people immediately think she is ill and don't really want to have us in their restaurants/cafes. And to the issue. My sister "Kate" has diabetes and has a service dog "Lenny" to help her. I absolutely adore him and Gemma is not scared of him either, however due to Emma's allergies I have reminded Kate not to take Lenny to our wedding (I was dropping some parcels for her this week as she was away and they were sent to my house) as I believe my future wife should be able to enjoy her day without the swelling, which would be hard to avoid due to the venue being quite small and private (Gemma gets the reaction even if there's a dog in the same supermarket even if it doesn't touch her). My sister has reminded he is a service animal and I can't ask her to not to take him, but I have told her he is still a dog and being a service animal doesn't miraculously cancel my wife's allergies and she knew about them from the start. I'm not asking not to take him to any family get togethers, I am just asking not to take him to our wedding. My sister and my mum both called me an asshole and are not talking to me and have threatened not to come to the wedding, which I said is fine as I value my wife's comfort more. But still aita?

Free_Standard_7276

AITA for telling my sister that she absolutely can not bring her service dog to our wedding due to my wife's allergy?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hjihf/aita_for_telling_my_sister_that_she_absolutely/

17hjihf

Edit one: it came into my head people may be wondering how old she is so I thought I'd mention she's in her mid 20s. My family and I have had some unfortunate family circumstances which means my sister who has neuro diversities is now living with me. She's on various waiting lists in our country for support but there's a long wait due to lack of resources. The thing is I've lived in this house for 15 years and it doesn't feel like home anymore so I decided to move. Before I started looking I sat my sister down and told her we will be moving and I asked her for areas she's interested in but she's adamant we're not moving. As far as I'm concerned it's my house and I have the final decision. Looking for a new place took a long time as I was primarily considering my sister and making sure her needs would be met in my new home like making sure it's somewhere in less traffic due to safety, in an area that's quiet, and is very safe. I finally found a house and we're moving tomorrow. When I found our new home I did tell my brother and everyone else and gave a months notice. We're moving tomorrow so things are currently hectic but I've had a phone call from my brother calling me a selfish asshole for not considering my sister. Whilst on the phone to him I explained everything that I mentioned here but he's saying I'm still an asshole for moving when my sister is adamant she doesn't want to. AITA?

Holiday-Music-4194

AITA for moving to a new place even though my sister doesn't want to?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hjjsy/aita_for_moving_to_a_new_place_even_though_my/

17hjjsy

I (49 M) have a younger brother, Frank (45), and two daughters with my wife (20, 23). Frank also married and had a son but divorced after not even two years into the marriage. My parents let him live in the old apartment that we grew up in. They live in the same town in the house after my grandparents. Three years ago, my parents wanted to sell the old apt. Frank had his own place at that point. They wanted to divide the money between us two and them as it was our family home. Later, Frank gave an idea that as he is seeing a girl who has a child, they will renovate the place together and move in as his apt is too small. They would swap apts with my parents and pay me my part. Frank was living there for free for over a decade and not doing anything around. The reno was necessary anyway, and I suggested he should do it and after that buy the apt for the agreed price. My daughter then proposed moving into the new apt as it was closer to her uni and work. She would also pay rent to my parents and they agreed. A few weeks later, she was informed that they, in fact, aren't swaping apts with Frank, but he is renovating the old one and moving in anyway. He also won't "pay me" couse it's not for sale anymore, apparently. It will still be my parents' apt, and he will also keep his smaller one that he has already rented to strangers. In practice, he had two apts. When my daughter asked them what's happening with their agreement, they said they didn't know what she was talking about. I'm not angry about not getting the money. I'm good on my own. It's about Frank having everything and me being left out. If it wasn't for my doughter, we probably wouldn't find out about this for a much longer time. I told them how I see it, and they told me that I am delusional and an AH and that I made up all this stuff about selling the old apt, etc. It was like talking to a wall. I went home and hoped that they understood me and stopped gaslighting me into thinking I'm crazy. Months went by, and we didn't see each other. I told my girls about old disagreements that they wouldn't remember. They also told us a few things they never mentioned that happened when they stayed over at my parents'. On christmas, I sent them wishes and received a text saying that MY FAMILY abandoned them, and all we think about is money. I reminded her that it wasn't a problem, their behavior was. Now it's been more than two years. I'm getting texts like "wishing you peace and quiet and wisdom on how to be a good person." I know that I should be better, but when they accused my doughter of lying, they crossed a line I didn't know existed. My girls have their own apts now, working and studying. We meet once or twice a week for dinner or coffee. Looking at them, I don't know how my parents could ever draw this strange line between Frank and me. I'm a grown man, have a family, a full health and a fulfilling job. The only thing I don't have is my parents' love. So, AITA for wanting that?

thehurtson

AITA for wanting love from my parents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hjm4h/aita_for_wanting_love_from_my_parents/

17hjm4h

I (18F) haven’t been having the best relationship with my father (49M) lately. He has been treating me as if I’m the bane of his existence; getting irritated and mad at me for small things. When I try to talk to him about it, he never apologises and excuses his behaviour for my brother never hanging out with us. It’s always me who apologises in the end. My father’s birthday is coming up, and he wanted to go camping on the public holiday coming up. However, I have exams that week, so I told him I couldn’t go because of them, and that I needed to focus on studying. My dad threw a fit because it’s for his birthday and he’s upset that I can’t go. He eventually decided to let me stay home for that long weekend so I can study. But then my friend decided to have a halloween party on that weekend. My friend lives fairly close to my house as we live in the same small town. It’s a 30 min walk to get there, but my friend offered to pick me up and drop me off when it’s over. My partner (17NB) is also invited to this party, but the party ends at 11pm, and due to living around the other side of our state’s second biggest city (my town lives on one side their town lives on the other), my partner asked if it was okay to stay at my house for the night and leave in the morning, going on the train back home. I thought this would be all okay, since this was a 4 day week end, it would only be one day without studying (or i could just study before the party), and the party isn’t going to involve alcohol or other substances. But after talking to my father about it, and said no, and that me getting driven to a party and then dropped back off would be like me riding out to sea, my motor getting damaged on the way, and being unable to get help. I believe this is an over exaggeration, as it’s not like being picked up and dropped back home after a party (with NO alcohol) in the same small town with my partner would get me badly injured. It’s not like I’m going to be leaving the house unlocked either, as I have my own keys to the house. This caused a fight between me in my dad, as my dad clearly got upset just by even asking the question. In the end, my dad threw another fit, saying that I ruined his birthday. I told him that it wasn’t a good idea to go on a vacation whilst I have exams to do to begin with, but he just told me to get out. AITA?

Current_Height6186

AITA for wanting to go to a halloween party whilst my parents are camping?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hjwtq/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_a_halloween_party/

17hjwtq

I (17F, soon to be 18) wants to eat out at a rather fancy restaurant for my 18th birthday. The average main dish costs about $40, which is a sizeable amount of money in my country, and not including appetisers, drinks, and other similar items. I've estimated that for the three of us (parents and me), it would cost somewhere around $180 - $220 in total. For perspective, the average cost of a meal that we eat here is perhaps $5-7 dollars per person, and when we eat out at a rather nice Japanese restaurant, it costs about $25 for all three of us. My parents are relatively well off, and my father is thinking of purchasing a car that costs about $83,000, to put in scale their financial position. However, they are quite frugal and, my mother especially, likes to purchase clothes second hand. If we went, it would also be my first time eating at a restaurant that expensive. Hence, WIBTA if i ask my parents to eat there?

JumpRevolutionary849

WIBTA if I ask my parents to eat out at a fancy restaurant for my 18th birthday

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hk74c/wibta_if_i_ask_my_parents_to_eat_out_at_a_fancy/

17hk74c

Hello So I (15f) was changing my clothes after p.e. class. A few of my classmates were also in the changing room, but they didn't exercise during the lesson so they didn't need to change their clothes. When I was changing, one of the girls opened the window (the changing room is on the basement level, but when you're outside the school [important thing to add, a lot of people walk past this window], you can see what's inside very well, there's also a sticker on the window to make what's inside hard to see). I got annoyed and told her she's weird for opening the window when I'm literally changing (I don't want others to look at me). The rest of the girls started defending her saying I'm mean and that only my opinion matters (ironically). They went on about it for a good minute. While I don't think I'm the AH in this situation, I wanna hear other opinions. So, AITA? EDIT: I forgot to add they also kept leaving the doors open

Papaj-Chan

AITA for calling my classmate weird?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hk86i/aita_for_calling_my_classmate_weird/

17hk86i

Long story coming up: My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 5. We met while traveling and are from two different European countries. When we were younger we were avid travelers and spent over 2 years traveling before settling in his hometown, because he's 5 years older than me and it was easier for him to find a job. Since then we have been here for 10 years, have an apartment a nearly 2-year-old, a cat, a circle of friends and I'm pregnant with our second. My husband has tried to change his job for years and no opportunity really worked out and it got to a point where he was really frustrated where he was for a long time. Ironically he got a job opportunity just when things started to look up at his company (promotion). He actually got 3 offers at the same time at the beginning of this year, 2 nearby(no move required) and 1 with 1 year of training and then relocation to a massive city in South America. There were many heated discussions in that period and I was pregnant at the time. I told him that I was actually quite happy where we are and not thrilled about a move. Long story short there was a long negotiation period, we lost a child, got pregnant again and at one point I just didn't have any anymore and gave in to the pressure and said "Just sign the damn contract". Now I'm really really regretting it. I am happy where I am, with lots of support from friends and my father-in-law who my son adores, great kindergarten, health care, etc. Also, my family lives at a distance that we can at least see them regularly. I am so frustrated that I'm supposed to give up all this for his career. It would only be a slight improvement money-wise. My husband would be out of the house 12 hours a day and traveling for work regularly while I'd be stuck in a not-so-safe country with 2 little kids and no support or network whatsoever and very few chances to see family or friends back home. He is furious that I'm "ruining" this opportunity for him, while I'm terribly upset that he's essentially okay with ruining my life. He has also said, that coming back after a period would be basically impossible with his job. So I don't see any kind of compromise from his side. It might be hormones, it might be build-up anger (kind of feeling bullied into this decision in a weak moment) but I'm almost considering saying "Just go then if you put your career over everything else". Well aware we didn't make great choices, but it's also been a rather shitty year for us and I am seeing some shitty times on the horizon. So, give me your perspective, AITA? What would you do?

sjf1412

AITA for not wanting to relocate to another country for my husband's job?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hkg5n/aita_for_not_wanting_to_relocate_to_another/

17hkg5n

Diwali is right around the corner, and it's a huge deal in our culture. My wife, whom I've been with for a decade (dated for 8 years, married for 2), absolutely adores this festival. Every year, we head to my hometown to celebrate Diwali at my parents' grand mansion. This year was no different in terms of excitement. My wife, eager as ever, called up my mom to discuss decoration plans. Coincidentally, on the day she called, my mom had just had a disagreement with my dad. They were split over whether to repaint the mansion this year or the next. The house is massive, and repainting would be a time-consuming affair, a luxury my dad felt he couldn't afford right now. This left my mom a tad disheartened. So, when my wife inquired about the Diwali preparations, my mom, possibly still influenced by her earlier disagreement, mentioned that they weren't planning much. After all, they had decorations from the previous year, like curtains, that were still in pristine condition. Fast forward a bit, and my enthusiastic wife had already shortlisted and invested time in picking out new decorations to surprise everyone back home. But here's the twist: during a casual call with my mom, she let slip that she'd bought some new decor items, hoping to surprise us. This put me in a dilemma since both were unknowingly planning and spending on similar items. To prevent any further overlap and potential waste, I decided to clarify things. I told my mom about my wife's plans and also informed my wife about my mom's purchases. This didn't go down well. My wife was upset, feeling her hours of effort in selecting the perfect items might go to waste due to potential mismatches with what my mom bought. My mom, sensing the brewing storm, suggested I not say anything further, and she'd handle it. But my wife echoed the same sentiment. The problem? I'd already spilled the beans to both. Here's the thing: I've always been a straight shooter. I prefer laying out all the facts, believing it's simpler than holding back information or sharing half-truths. But in doing so, did I complicate matters more? This whole decoration debacle is just one example to paint the picture. What I'm really trying to figure out is: Am I the jerk here for always being this upfront? It's not a one-time thing; I often find myself in hot water because folks tell me I don't have a filter or know how to phrase things right. So, am I truly the bad guy for just saying things as they are? AITA for saying things directly?

wise_devil0

AITA for always speaking my mind, regardless of the situation?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hkptg/aita_for_always_speaking_my_mind_regardless_of/

17hkptg

I (19F) am an amateur writer, like my sister (28F). With some of her friends, she founded a little writing club to which she invited me 3 months ago. The problem began almost 2 weeks ago, during the last session I went to. Until then I'd basically reworked my 1st chapter over and over and it was the only thing they'd read from. But that day, I'd decided to give them more, as it could only benefit me since I've been working on that story for 8 months. Because the other member was busy reading my sister's almost finished story (which she's been working on for at least 6 years) my sister was the only one free to read my work. After she finished the 2nd chapter, it was clear from her review that she thought my main character arrogant and insentive. Since the MC goes through a corruption arc (When the character worsens instead of growing to be a better person, like Anakin in Star Wars), I reconforted myself by thinking that my MC isn't meant to be fully likable (Something only I am aware of, as I haven't told anyone how the story ends). She continued to read, and her face throughout the 3rd chapter betrayed that her opinion wasn't getting any better. Something confirmed when, chapter finished, she turned to me and said 'I hate your MC. She's uncaring and only thinks of herself. People like that repel me". I tried to hide how hurt I was, and listened to the rest of her comments. Afterward I went outside to cool off. 5min later, my sister came out as if nothing and asked why I'm angry. I answered honestly that her comment hurt my feelings a lot. To which she shrugged and said that she's right, that my character is unfeeling and therefore loathsome. And I got angry, saying her own MC is irrationnal and impulsive, but that I had never verbalized it in a way that was as agressive as what she said. Without a word, my sister got back inside. In 2 weeks, she still hasn't said a word to me. Not when I left her home that day, not when I asked last week whether we'd meet for the club. I know what I said was out of line, but so what her comment. If she dislikes my MC, fine, but she could "package" her message in a better way. So, what do you think ?

Thinking_Individual

AITA for answering my sister's criticism with same criticism ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hkysn/aita_for_answering_my_sisters_criticism_with_same/

17hkysn

I(16f) has a friend(16f) that celebrated her birthday on Saturday. My friend (we will call her L) had her birthday on Saturday but my parents didn’t want me to go out. Me and L are friends since we were 6 and at midnight of course I wrote her happy birthday and all. At the actual day of the birthday she texted me and asked if I can come to her place to celebrate (me her and my boyfriend) because she didn’t want to be alone. Me and L have been going through everything together, depression, family deat/issues and the amount of time that we crashed at each others place was too big to count (she has a key to my house) my parents love her and her parents love me as well. We both didn’t think we will get to celebrate our 16th. (She was at my party two months before) so we were really emotional and wanted each other there on our special day. I begged my parents to let me go and wrote to L that I’ll probably won’t be able to meet her but my dad let me go to her’s. Me and my boyfriend arrived at her house, the door was locked so my boyfriend texted her that he wanted to do a surprise for her and she wasn’t there so she told him to get the spare key and go inside. We went inside and entered her room so we could put our things there but when we entered there were already people there. I consider L my close’s friend, when I entered the room I found out our other best friend (17f, let’s call her A) was there with two other friends and were planning a surprise for her, I didn’t know anything about it. Me, A and L have been a group of three Since 8th grade, she didn’t tell me she planned a surprise party for our best friend. Instead, she told E (a person that came to our group newly), H her boyfriend that I met her with and I, a friend that isn’t close to L at any way. She didn’t let me or my boyfriend know about the Suprise at all. I was hurt yet covered it with a smile even when E told me I’m a dumbass for coming when they were planning to Suprise L. We surprised L and everything was nice and she cried and hugged me and thanked me for coming even if my parents were mad at me We ate cake and smiled and sang songs and everything but I was still in a foul mood Why wouldn’t A let me know about the party? Later I talked to her and she said that she told me about it and I said I wouldn’t come. When we were the whole group together I found out they brought weed so they could all smoke together and E let out a rude comment “Now that you are here we probably won’t smoke it” I have a problem with drugs, my father is a recovering cancer patient and has a prescription for weed and my bf was going through quitting weed. I asked if that’s the reason A and E haven’t told me about the Suprise party and it got silence; L didn’t know about the weed at all and also got irritated bcz A and E brought it and when she found out I wasn’t invited because of it she got mad and told A that I was her best friend and how the hell she didn’t invited me. Me and my boyfriend got out and there ten minutes after. Our group chat has been quiet since and neither of the girls talk to me. I feel like I screwed up. I don’t want to lose them as a friends. What should I do?

Leor0se

AITA for coming to my friend’s house on her bday?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlab6/aita_for_coming_to_my_friends_house_on_her_bday/

17hlab6

My aunt asked me (36f) to take her son Jake (21m) in 9 months ago as he left home due to issues with his dad and was couch surfing. It is just me and my daughter (13) here and I was happy to help. He has his own room and I provide him meals - he buys his snacks. Jake has not hidden the fact that this was not his choice and has told me that my aunt made him move in with me. I didn’t ask for him to pay board to begin with as he was having a hard time emotionally and I didn’t know how long he would be here. The only thing I asked was that he keep the bathroom clean. He does not clean and it gets to the point where I have to scrub the pee of the floor myself. (He shares the bathroom with my daughter, but she has other chores and it’s not fair to ask her to do this too. I also know the mess my daughter makes, it is considerably more now). Jake also has no consideration for my house. Ex, he will leave his window wide open when he goes out and its pouring rain. I bring my concerns up to him and he will say throwaway things like “I was planning on cleaning later today”. I know they are basic issues but its constant and things I shouldn’t have to tell an adult. There is also the increased cost to me. I am a single parent and while I could support myself and my daughter ok, I am struggling with the extra costs. I couldn’t even afford to get my mother some flowers for her birthday this year and while I know she understands I still feel horrible. 2.5 months ago I told Jake that I needed him to contribute. I did some research into reasonable board and took my own increased costs into account and decided $150pw. He said it was too much, I lowered it to $100pw. He paid that week but not the next 4. I brought it up he paid one week, then my aunt paid the next week. A week later she paid again but only half. Then nothing and no communication about it. I don’t want to have to chase up money every week. I know he has money as while he is a student he has a job and he also receives money from the government. I also think it is unfair that my daughter is missing out on things while I am having to cover the increased costs due to Jake being here. Between the above and the attitude, (most days he will just grunt at me when I speak) I feel I am almost at breaking point. Me and my daughter now spend most of the time in our own rooms as I feel uncomfortable in my own house. I feel like I am being taken advantage of and want to ask him to leave (I would give him time). He can move back in with his family, he just doesn’t want to due to not getting along with his dad and he would have to share a room with his brother again. I’m also worried about the repercussions with my family. I know my immediate family will support me, but I am concerned that the rest of my family will be mad at me for asking him to leave. So WIBTA for asking him to move out?

X_Need_A_Nap_X

WIBTA for asking my cousin to move out?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlfhh/wibta_for_asking_my_cousin_to_move_out/

17hlfhh

I (29 F) have been supporting my family since I have graduated university 9 years ago. My family consists of my Father, Mother, Brother A (28), Sister (21), Brother B (19). My father had legal problems early on in my career so I had to carry a lot of the financial burden, although he tries his hardest when he can. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer right after I graduated university and has been steadily in treatment since. Brother A (28) has worked a total of 1 year and 3 month in his life, has been unemployed for a year now due to long covid, he left a promising job to focus on healing. Sister (21 is graduating from Architecture in July after being abroad for years (🩷), finally, my youngest brother (19) has graduated high-school over a year ago and is hoping to go into Medical school upon the wishes of my ill mother. However, it has been an uphill battle to get him an admission anywhere. Because he does not qualify in places that we can afford, we have to pay extraordinary high yearly fees for him to attend medical school. This would be 6 years of an added financial burden. It's too much and I have expressed this to the family. However my mother and brother are both very upset (I feel for them truly specially my brother). I also understand my mother's situation is special. But I simply don't have it in me anymore. It's destroying me. As you can imagine the last 9 years have not been easy for me. Because of my responsibilities I have neglected my physical and mental health severely, I don't know when I would have the chance to start repairing the damage but if I did I wouldn't even know where to start. Additionally, there is so much in life I have not experienced. Because of the financial hardships I have given up on a career of my preference and worked whatever job I could to support my responsibilities. I have also never been able to be independent as I could never afford to finance two separate living situations. I'm 30 next year and I have absolutely nothing to my name, not even a room to call my own, nor do I have the capacity to start building anything if this situation continues. AITA for drawing the line here?

truecolors01

AITA for not wanting to support my brother through medical school

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlke4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_support_my_brother/

17hlke4

This is hard to explain so I will just put it in dot points. \- My mum thinks it is completely normal for her to fire personal attacks at me since I was 13, ( I am now half a year off 16, I know 16 is the age limit for Mumsnet but please let me stay or at least send me a copy of the responses) like calling me rubbish, useless, saying I have a revolting personality, selfish on a regular basis. She berates me for being "weird" all the time and tries to make me feel ashamed of my quirks. \- I am being extremely ungrateful given that she has set up a reward system to stop my sister's bullying at her own expenses. The system does help; now my sister is just mean, but not to the point of bullying. \- When I asked her if she would also set up a reward system if I had been the one bullying, she told me that I need to reflect on myself if I think she likes my sister better, because it is my personality's problem that she likes me less. She also said that my grandparents, dad, and aunts and uncles all like my sister better. \- She said that people who like me just doesn’t know me well enough \- To explicitly say that 100% of the time where I have an argument with anyone else I am in the wrong because she "knows my personality" \- Last time's incident with my aunt where long story short I got dragged down to a supermarket by my aunt when I was in the middle of eating. I got berated for 40 minutes and was in tears by the time we got home. Mum shouted at me first thing and was mad at me for at least a few days. She said I was just crying because I can't take negative feedback from others. She also told me not to complain when my aunt favors my sister \- She always thinks the worst of me. For example, yesterday my sister deliberately came into my room and ate seaweed, which I have an issue with its smell, on my bed. I was so mad. After that she showed my her piano trophy that she won yesterday and I said no I don’t want to see it because I was mad at her. Mum accused me of being jealous that my sister is better than me. I tried to explain what was going on and although she thinks sister shouldn’t be eating seaweed on my bed and said to her "behave yourself please", but was still adamant on how I am just being jealous. \- There are still a lot of other similar incidents. Here is the thing that might make me the AH--- I shouted at mum for an hour straight telling her she is a horrible parent, which is very out of line.

Single-Map-8080

AITA for shouting at my mum?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hln4j/aita_for_shouting_at_my_mum/

17hln4j

I (F18) have a huge spending problem which was really really bad during 2020, which has lead to me racking up a lot of clothes and merchandise that I liked at the time but do not like anymore. I want to sell the merchandise and donate the clothes, but today my mother saw the 5 trash bags of clothes and a box full of items I wanted to sell and got annoyed. She said she isnt yelling at me but she used that tone of dissatisfaction. I told her that most of this stuff I wanted to get rid of since end of last year, but she said that I have wasted a lot of money. I am aware of that and I feel really bad. My dad has spoilt me my entire childhood. But my mum does not want me to sell the items or donate the clothes as she believes it will become a habit. She offered to go through the clothes to see what can be kept, but I see this as a privacy issue. I was hesitant of telling her i wanted to donate the clothes as I knew she would say something like “Why are you getting rid of this! This cost a lot of money” despite me not having use for it anymore. She has said that numerous times throughout my childhood when I have wanted to pass clothes on to my cousins. So typing this right now I realise that I should communicate with my mother better, and I know I have a big spending issue but I am working on it this year, with having items i want in my wishlist for two months before purchasing so I know if i actually want it or if it is just a phase. But I am wondering if I am a complete asshole, or if my mother is controlling a bit. Like is this a sign of being controlling and we are both in the wrong, or am I only in the wrong.

Aggressive_Action_38

AITA for wanting to sell my stuff that my parents got me.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlqbj/aita_for_wanting_to_sell_my_stuff_that_my_parents/

17hlqbj

For some background, I (M22) am a Christian. A lot of people instantly think I'm a horrible person when I tell them this, so I generally don't tell people what I believe. If you don't believe the same thing, that's up to you. On with the story: I met this guy at my job and we became friends pretty quickly, and I'll just call him "Gerald". One thing about Gerald is that he's gay, which I don't really care about bc it's not like I can change his mind, he likes who he likes. Anyways, last weekend he asked if I wanted to hang out on Sunday and I told him I had Church then but maybe afterwords we could meet up. He then got kinda quiet and just said "Oh" before leaving soon after saying that it would just be easier to not meet up. I thought it was kinda weird but didn't think much about until later when I got a text saying I was a huge AH for not telling him that I was homophobic, which I'm not. I genuinely don't know if I was rude or not, but I didn't mean to be. AITA?

Speling_Mitsake_1499

AITA for not telling someone my religion?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hls1x/aita_for_not_telling_someone_my_religion/

17hls1x

So I’am a student and for this term at school we had to write a paper/report on the topic from this term. Now we were paired up so me and a classmate had to write the paper together. About 2 days ago i got a message from them asking if i had written anything for the paper. I hadn’t, but it was my birthday so i didn’t have any time to respond as i was celebrating. So today i send a message back (forgot to do it yesterday) saying i didn’t do anything yet but i was gonna get on it today. I then get a lengthy text back, basically saying they had finished writing it and were gonna hand in the paper by themself. This kind of took me by surprise as i didn’t know they had started at all, as they hadn’t communicated that to me. I apologised for not helping to write the paper, but i did feel like it wasn’t entirely my fault. i feel like there just wasn’t enough communication, as i was under the impression they hadn’t done anything either. AITA here? Edit. I can see some confusion in the comments. We had to do weekly projects for this paper. which i did do, and then after the projects were done (the last one was done last week) you had to write a minimum of 1 page per project about it (4 projects so 4 pages excluding the data graphs we made over the last weeks). It’s currently a vacation week where i live so we hadn’t talked this week. the project is due in 2 weeks. i hope that helps make things a bit clearer.

Listronwastaken

AITA for not writing anything for a shared paper?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hltbl/aita_for_not_writing_anything_for_a_shared_paper/

17hltbl

Out with friend and his girlfriend, as i was reversing (designated driver) she drunkenly kicked my car. I have no idea why, she said it was a joke but i didnt find it funny and made that clear. Who kicks another persons vehicle nevermind a friend? I charged her for the repairs. My friend hasnt spoken to me since. AITA?

whyalwaysme-g

AITA for charging my friends girlfriend for the damage after she kicked my car drunk?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlw0w/aita_for_charging_my_friends_girlfriend_for_the/

17hlw0w

When I (30F) was in grad school I was dating John (42M) long distance. I often struggled with money as an underpaid grad student, but with the help of my parents I made it work. During my relationship with John, when we would be fighting or generally not getting along, he started sending me chunks of money ($400-500) randomly. I would ask what for and he would say things like “just to help you with your bills.” At first I would immediately send it back. He was well off and I didn’t want him to think that I was using him for his money. After a while I started to notice that he always did it when we were fighting and got suspicious of his intentions. One day, he sent $500 and I didn’t immediately send it back. Sure enough, about 30 minutes later he asks “Well, are you going to send it back?” I ask “Why? Didn’t you send it to help me with bills?” And he starts getting mad and saying things like “Why do you think you deserve it? You didn’t earn that money.” To which I replied “Then why did you send it?” With that, he confirmed my suspicions: he was sending the money not to actually help me, but to make it LOOK like he was helping me to get brownie points and do some sort of loyalty test. So I told him “Look. I’ll send it back. But don’t ever send me money unsolicited again. If you do, I will keep it. I’m tired of you testing me. If you don’t want me to have it, don’t send it.” That stopped it for about a year. Then fast forward, another period where we aren’t getting along and I was mostly ignoring his calls and texts. Eventually he gets his friend to call me and they’re talking about stuff and casually mention that he sent me some money. I check my PayPal and he’d sent $2,000. I ask why and he says “I know you’re struggling. It’s to help with bills and stuff.” Furious that he’d done it again, I decided to teach him an expensive lesson. I didn’t send it back. Sure enough, about an hour later he starts freaking out. He asked why I wasn’t sending it back and why I thought I deserved it. I reminded him over and over of the last time: how I’d told him if he did it again, I would keep it and use it for bills. This made him furious. He threatened to break up with me, never talk to me again, etc. After a while of me not budging, he seemingly let it go. Well, we’ve since broken up for other reasons but remained friends in some capacity. I hadn’t thought about the money again until last night when he brought it up during a phone call. I reiterated that I had told him I would keep it and I was sick of him “testing my loyalty” with money and that I was tired of him trying to manipulate me into thinking he was helping me when he had no intentions of actually helping me. He confirmed that he never intended for me to keep the money, which to me confirmed it was all about manipulation. He was mad I stuck to my guns and hung up on me but I don’t care. I think he needed that very expensive lesson to learn to stop trying to manipulate people with money. So, AITA for keeping the money?

slightlyvenomous

AITA for keeping the money my ex sent me when we were together?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlxs4/aita_for_keeping_the_money_my_ex_sent_me_when_we/

17hlxs4

I 46 M have been married to my wife Amanda 41 F for 6 years. When Amanda and I met She had two children from a previous relationship Chloe 17F and Marcus 15 M. Despite their father being absent, the children have never viewed me as a parental figure which does not bother me as although I love their mother, I don't see them as my children or feel any love for them. They're good kids, just not mine. Earlier this year Chloe expressed her desire to move out at the end of the year. I did not think she could realistically afford to move out. Her mother and I both work long hours, so Chloe leaving would mean I would most likely have to hire help or cut down my working hours as she does a lot to help out at home so her leaving would not be ideal. I handle all household expenses so In order to deter her from leaving I suggested she try paying a portion of the bills/home expenses to get an idea of what living alone will be like. Her and her mother both agreed this would be a wonderful idea and so we drew up an agreement that she would pay ¼ of the bills and household expenses and her mother and I would stop financially supporting her. I thought this would be enough for her to change her mind however she was able to afford this comfortably. I decided to lie to her and tell her that due to inflation our bills and expenses had risen greatly and she would owe me an extra $150 a month. My hope was that even if she could still afford to pay me she would not be able to simultaneously save enough money to move out. Recently her brother Marcus was doing a school project that required him to analyse our families electricity, gas, water etc usage. I foolishly allowed him access to my study to look over our past bills. At some stage he asked his sister to assist him in his work. When she was looking over the bills it came to her attention that I had been overcharging her for sometime. She worked out roughly how much money I overcharged her and went to her mother with this number. They are now calling me an asshole for stealing her hard earned money and are demanding I return the money. I don't think its fair to call it hard earned when most of it is inheritance from her fathers passing. I had her best interest in mind and think i was just teaching her how the world works, so AITA? EDIT: thank you everyone for your helpful suggestions, i will be putting the sum she estimated I overcharged her into an account and will tell her i was saving it as a surprise. Hopefully she doesn't come across this post. A response to some common themes in the comments, i would like to make it clear i have never cleaned my home and will not be starting now. I do not like the noise of the vacuum or the smell of cleaning products. Maybe i went to far by saying i have no love for my step children. I want to make it clear that i like them they just annoy me as they're not my blood. EDIT 2: you all need to get a life EDIT 3: I aged down everyone for privacy reasons which was my mistake. Many people are concerned Chloe is a minor I would like to make it clear she is in fact older however still do not wish to reveal her age for anonymity’s sake

Mindless_Cut7653

AITA for 'stealing' from my 17 year old stepdaughter?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hlzoi/aita_for_stealing_from_my_17_year_old_stepdaughter/

17hlzoi

I (19f) and my bf (23m) have been together for 2 years. We met when I was about to turn 18 and I moved in as my home life wasn't the best. It was strictly supposed to be roommates but then we ended up messing around. I had 2 jobs and did not want a relationship. Over the 5 months before we would get together, he would tell me and our mutual friend that he wanted to go places in life and we should try to, and with me working at a fast food and gas station, I needed to do better. I also had dropped out at that point and he was very clear that he did not think I would make it without it. He would push us severely to change and be how he thought we should be, then finally chilled out right before we got together. It's now a year and a half later, we have moved into a house I rent, and I work at a very nice tech company. I am the youngest there and am pretty high up for someone of my age group (19). I am back in school and working towards graduating, started getting my credit up, and doing everything in my power to set myself up for a good life. My bf is working a night job and whenever he is not there, is on the game. We were supposed to fix the house up so we could have an in home gym, refinish the basement, and other projects. He has not helped besides 20 minutes of putting things in a trash can and when I ask him to help me, he never wants to. Wants to go to college but will not see what he needs to do to take the next step for it. He had legal issues last year and refused to get a lawyer or anything regarding his case, so I went and got him a lawyer and attended all the meetings. The one meeting I asked him to go to, he freaked out bc he didn't want to go. This situation has basically been our relationship anytime he needs to do something for himself, it's put onto me I have told him that I do not feel like he is going anywhere in life at this point and that he needs to do something for himself. I told him if he got off the game sometimes, he maybe could reach these goals. He told me there is nothing to do at this point and has stopped doing anything all together, refusing to make phone calls for himself, make appointments, or look at classes for college then complains about how he wants to go so bad. I am tired of beating around the bush and tell him straight up that where he is in life is because of his actions and he won't go anywhere until he stops being lazy and expecting me to get him places He feels like I'm the asshole but I don't see it. This man was harsh in the fact of telling me I needed to do something better with my life when we met and now won't take his same advice. Am I the asshole?

urfavpisces27

AITA for expecting my bf to grow up?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hm5eb/aita_for_expecting_my_bf_to_grow_up/

17hm5eb

Sorry if the English on this post isn't very good, it's not my first language. So you'll first need a bit of backstory to fully understand the situation. Ever since my half brother (Steve) was born my stepdad (Bob) has been all over him. It's been very clear from the beginning that he just loves him more than me, and even his own blood daughter (Linda). And because of this steve gets away with everything. He can be annoying all day and he will not be punished. There are days that he only sits behind the tv all day, and he's only on the tv because his oculus was taken from him. You want to know why? Well because he spent €650 on games and the only punishment he got for that is having to refund all the games and lose his oculus for a month. And they couldn't even refund all the games so they lost more than €200. And there are many more stories like this but now onto the story the post is about. So me, my mom, Steve, Linda and Bob were having dinner with Steve being annoying as usual. He was screaming, crying and scolding my mom and Bob. Because his new shoes were made out of a material that easily gets dirty and he couldn't wear them because they would get dirty and we wouldn't be able to clean them and these weren't cheap shoes no no they were jordans. So I asked my mom why they didn't just send them back and buy other shoes that wouldn't get ruined so easily. And her reason was because Steve got angry at her for suggesting that. And when that whole thing was finally settled he started to complain that he wanted to sleep over at some friends house. And that turned into a whole thing too. And after that was kinda settled my mom said to him: "just go upstairs and take a shower". And he got up and put his plate on the counter. When he should have put it in the dishwasher because that's what we always do. So after hes gone we sit around for a while and me and Linda get our own plates and put them in the dishwasher. And Bob just said "you need to do the rest of the table as well". And normally i would have just put my head down and done it. But today i just said absolutely not and just walked away. To the apparent shock of Bob and my mom. And they screamed at me to come back and clear the table. But I screamed back that Steve was being a complete asshole the entire time and he could just walk away, so why can't i? And now my parents are giving me the silent treatment. So am i the asshole?

jasarmyy

AITA for not clearing the table?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmd6y/aita_for_not_clearing_the_table/

17hmd6y

I have several sisters and this situation involves 2 of them. Our oldest sister (April) was dating Jack for 2 years while they were in college. She was a year ahead of him and when she graduate, she got a job offer in another state. She didn’t want a long distance relationship so she broke up with him before moving. The entire time they dated, we only met him twice so when they broke up, our family completely forgot about him. 5 years later, our youngest sister (Megan) was at an industry convention for her job and ran into Jack as he was one of the speakers. One thing led to another and they started long distance dating. Before it got serious, Megan asked April if she cared and was given “permission” to continue. April was engaged at the time and didn’t seem to care about their relationship. This year Jack moved back to our state to be closer to Megan and they eventually got engaged. April started to make demands like being the maid of honor, vetoing the venue they picked, and not wanting to invite some mutual friends. I’m a dude and Megan’s wedding will be the first one I’ll be going to so I’m not sure April’s demands are out of line but both sisters ended up in a screaming match. I wasn’t there but I heard it got vicious. To make a long story short, our family decided to boycott Megan’s wedding next year. Her reasoning is that Megan is breaking some rule by marrying her ex. Of course I think that’s a stupid reason. Megan and I have always been closer than the rest of the siblings so I decided I’m going to attend the wedding. Now April is on my case and saying that because I’m a guy, I don’t understand what a betrayal it is for Megan to marry her ex. Our family is saying I’m betraying April by supporting Megan’s betrayal. Now it’s this whole mess and I’m getting nonstop texts about what an ass I am.

SpecificLime4983

AITA for going to a wedding my entire family is boycotting?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmkw5/aita_for_going_to_a_wedding_my_entire_family_is/

17hmkw5

My partner and I share a few interests but also have a few that are completely different. For me I like being outdoors and going on nice walk in nature, hikes etc. We live in a part of the UK that doesn't have a lot of nice places to go walking/hiking so I like to go when I get the opportunity. Since my girlfriend doesn't share the interest it can be quite boring at times being on my own. My girlfriend and I went for drinks with a mutual friend. The mutual friend was initially just a friend of my gfs but we've all met up a few times and she's more of a mutual friend now. We were talking about the area and our friend mentioned a nice place she likes ot go hiking nearby. My girlfriend mentioned that it's something I would enjoy but that it's not for her so I never have anyone to go with. I said that I'd have to check it out and she mentioned that she was planning to go the following weekend and asked if I'd like to join her. She told my girlfriend she was obviously also invited. I accepted the invitation and my girlfriend declined it. When we got home my girlfriend got annoyed and said I should have said no to going. I asked why and she said it's weird I'm planning to spend a day along hiking with another woman. I pointed out she was more than welcome to join us but she refused so it's not like we made the plans specifically to be alone. I told her that she knew I wanted someone to go hiking with and it's nice not going on my own at times. She said it's disrespectful and that I should cancel. I refused and she accused me of not respecting her and not considering her feelings. AITA for planning to go hiking with a friend?

throwra__002

AITA for planning to go hiking with a friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmo6a/aita_for_planning_to_go_hiking_with_a_friend/

17hmo6a

For context my sister lives in Wisconsin. Her friend lives in Kentucky and they are both in their mid twenties. They have plans to go to a concert together in Chicago, with my sister's friend apparently driving from Kentucky to Wisconsin (8+ hour drive), then with my sister go to Chicago to the concert the next day (another 2+ hours), they will stay overnight in a hotel. Then go back to Wisconsin to drop my sister off because they are going with her friend's car (another 2+ hours), then her friend will go all the way back to Kentucky. Is it me or does it seem very unrealistic that her friend will actually go through with this? Chicago is literally on the way from Kentucky to Wisconsin, so why would her friend drive all the way to WI first, then Chicago, then WI, then Kentucky again? I brought up my concerns to my sister that it seems very unrealistic and that I'm afraid her friend will bail, but for some reason she is insistent this is legit and her friend is actually going to be doing this. I don't know the exact time frame but my sister has work next week Monday so it seems they are literally trying to fit all of this in one weekend. How? And AITA for bringing up my concerns to my sister? She just gets mad at me for even bringing it up.

Away_Play6290

AITA for doubting my sister's friend's intentions on their planned trip?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmpjk/aita_for_doubting_my_sisters_friends_intentions/

17hmpjk

I (22F) didn’t want to post on my main in case she found it, but my sister (35F) was pregnant and recently had a miscarriage late September 18th. She told me she was about 2-3 months pregnant. I was there at the hospital, every doctor visit, taking her shopping or going for her, bringing and buying food, gifts, anything to help comfort her. It was her 1st baby and my niece. Lately she’s become so unbearable, but every time one of my family members try to tell her about her attitude and how she’s being rude to us because she lost her baby, she snaps back. She lives by herself 30 minutes away in the next city. Her husband left her October 5th, weeks after she lost the baby because he said she was being really rude and angry all the time and he was tired of being treated terribly. The other day she asked why I stopped bringing her meals, but I told her 2 weeks ago I’m getting ready to transition to a new full time job and won’t have as much time to help her. She asks why I even bother wanting to see her or spend time with her if I’m just going to be rude and not buy her anything. She’s also been wanting a new phone saying if we want to reach her, she’ll need a new phone. I know miscarriage is hard and after recovery and dealing with it is hard. But I feel like she’s being a big bi*** demanding things and having an attitude with everybody. I’m at the point where this morning she asked me why I’m texting her because her Samsung isn’t as good and she wants the new iPhone 15. As someone who barely has money to take care of herself and her parent and needs this new job, that’s not in my budget now. Maybe for a Christmas present or her birthday, but I really would prefer not to go in debt for something unnecessary. WIBTA if I call her out on it? Edit: For anybody recommending she go to therapy, she refuses to do I can’t really do anything about that.

ThrowRAspringwater

WIBTA if I call my sister out for being an ass after losing her baby?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmrk5/wibta_if_i_call_my_sister_out_for_being_an_ass/

17hmrk5

So, I got invited to a party to celebrate my mates 18th birthday [the party is on Halloween night, the day after his birthday]. The plan was that me and another mate, along with the guy who's party it is, were bringing booze. and I thought everyone going was 18 too. Apparently not. A friend of mine who is also going told me yesterday that the guy is inviting these 2 girls, "G" & "V", to this party. G and V are both 16, which is chill, no problem, but I also don't want it on my head that I gave booze to 16 year olds if something bad were to happen due to it. So I messaged in the group chat we have and basically said "Ay, look, I haven't got a problem with G and V, but at the same time mate, I'm not gonna bring booze to the party if they're gonna be there. Don't get me wrong, I drank when I was 16 too, but if they get hurt due to drinking too much, and they will, they're 16, I don't want that on my head. I'll bring money in place if you want and you can do whatever with it, but it's in my best interest to not give booze to people too young to know when to stop". And since then, him and half of the group chat, including G and V, have called me a killjoy and a goodie-two-shoes for not bringing booze. They haven't uninvited me but they aren't happy. I think I did the right thing, but Idk. I'm not some Goodie-Goodie, I've done my share of drinking and other substances before I was grown, and sometimes it fucked me up. And I know these girls, and they won't stop till they get sick and I don't wanna make them sick off of my booze. Am I the asshole for not bringing booze to a party?

FemboyThrowaway294u2

AITA For not bringing booze to a party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmuhb/aita_for_not_bringing_booze_to_a_party/

17hmuhb

Throwaway. I am 28 and I live in a big city so family will come over for weekend trips or vacation and crash at my place. I have a strict my home is a dry household, so no drinking or any drugs ( like weed, I’m not banning Advil and what not) in the home. This isn’t a secret at all and I inform them the moment people start talking about staying at my home. Now this hasn’t been an issue before since everyone respected it and would just head to the bar if they wanted to drink. Sometimes I would join and just drink something that not alcoholic. My cousin Rebecca was staying this week. It was going well until I got home from grabbing takeout and she is drinking wine on my couch. I told her to get rid of that right now and I told her the rules. This resulted in an argument where I kicked her for refusing to get rid of it. She called me an asshole and now my family is on my ass for being a prude about this.

Ecstatic_Oil_6164

AITA for kicking out my cousin for breaking this is a dry house rule

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmurl/aita_for_kicking_out_my_cousin_for_breaking_this/

17hmurl

**Background:** I was raised by my aunt and her family in a third-world country. My father was absent, and my mother was often unreliable, only stepping in to support me during my last two years of college. From childhood until now, I've lived with my aunt's family. They provided for me, from food and shelter to education, covering my schooling from primary school up to my first two years of college. **Aunt's Financial Situation:** In the past, my aunt's family was comfortably above middle class. My uncle worked overseas and earned well. However, due to my aunt's poor financial decisions, they now have no savings. She often lent money to unreliable people and made questionable bank transactions. Today, they barely make ends meet. My uncle, now in his 50s, earns less since he works locally. Their son, 27, doesn't work and spends his days playing video games. Their daughter has special needs and cannot work. **My Financial Approach:** Aware of my aunt's financial mismanagement, I've always been cautious with money. I began working in college as an ESL tutor and even back in high school I would save diligently because I wanted to build my own computer. Over the years, I've lent significant amounts from my savings to my aunt, often knowing I wouldn't get it back. For instance, during the pandemic, I helped cover expenses after her son's drunk driving accident paralyzed their finances since all of the money she receives from her husband went into paying off the accident. While the money I've lent doesn't equate to what she has spent on me, I've consistently supported them when I could before. **Current Situation:** Recently, I've resorted to not give her anymore money. My aunt's financial troubles are largely due to her own decisions, like recently getting scammed online and selling her car to send money to a fraudster. Additionally, she doesn't address her son's lack of ambition and being a bum. While I occasionally buy groceries for them, I've refrained from giving more money. Most of their finances is through her husband who lives onsite where he works but they don't have a good relationship anymore. My other aunt says he has another family but that's their problem now. My mother, with whom I now have a better relationship lately, tells me not to feel guilty, mentioning she once paid for a land title for my aunt. Still, I feel guilty for not contributing more. I aim to move out soon, but I'm not financially ready. Occasionally, when my aunt asks for money, I would decline here and there but sometimes, especially if its a small sum, I'd lend her some. However, there have been times where she would tell me I'm greedy or she would give off that impression but she has directly told me off yet for not having gratitude any paying her back for what she has given raising me. So Am I the Asshole here for not her giving any money?

1666KEDA

AITA for not giving money to my aunt who raised me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmx4s/aita_for_not_giving_money_to_my_aunt_who_raised_me/

17hmx4s

So me and my boyfriend both work in sales ( this is a commission only role). I am the manager on the sales team and he has done a lot to help me get to this point. He chose not to be a manager. Because of my role I earn double what he does and to make things worst he’s been having a rough patch in sales performance lately. I help him every now and again but not more than the other staff. Yesterday I went to work and I knew I wanted to do 5 sales as I have personal goals that I want to hit. When I was on 4 , he was still only on 1 sale. I knew I could get one more and I took it for myself instead of giving it to him. He’s now saying I’m selfish and he doesn’t want to be with me. So Am i the A**hole ?

Infinite_Way_431

AITA - Me and my boyfriend work together

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmyha/aita_me_and_my_boyfriend_work_together/

17hmyha

Edit to clarify: Mary was NOT looking for a free procedure. This I can confirm. She was asking for other people, and also works with rescues. Hi guys. I work with a bunch of local dog rescue groups to spay/neuter and adopt out the stray dogs (there are TONS here) in the area. I am homeless, and I run a dog rescue page on FB that is quite open about this fact. A few days ago, one of the other rescuers (we will call her Theresa) made a post saying that they had a couple of cancelations for their mass spay/neuter trip, and that if anyone wanted the available time slots, they could have them. These appointments have to be booked months in advance, so it was a good offer. A woman I do not know (we will call her Mary) commented, saying that Theresa could ask the vet to use these two slots to gift free spay or neuter to someone. Theresa laughed and said the vet is not going to do it for free. Mary said she meant that Theresa could cover the cost. Theresa said (truthfully) that she barely has enough money to cover all of the costs associated with the rescues and the fosters she has now, and that most of it was already coming out of her own pocket. The reason she was offering the slots is that it takes quite a while to get the appointments, and someone could benefit by having the opportunity now. This is when I chimed in, replying to Mary, and I said "I think money is a bigger issue in the rescue world than you seem to realize." She responded and said that she knows it is a problem. Theresa also replied and said she does understand. I left it at that. Fast forward 2 days to last night. I have forgotten entirely about this exchange, as I comment, share, and make a lot of posts on FB, mostly pertaining to dog rescue. A different rescuer I know (we will call her Crystal) sent me a message asking if I had "exchanged words" with a good friend of hers named Mary because Mary was "really offended by you." Again, I had forgotten about the exchange, and said that the name does not ring a bell, but does she remember what day it was or what it was about. She described it as me responding to Mary's comment on Theresa's post on Facebook. So I found the comment thread, screenshotted it, and sent it to Crystal, saying, "This?" She said yes, and that she agreed my comment was really offensive. I asked her how it could be construed as offensive, and she insisted that I am wrong and that it is really offensive because "Mary is a poor woman." I have shown the conversations to a few people, because I started second guessing myself and wondering if I am just socially clueless, and they have all had the same confused bewilderment when I said Mary and Crystal found that statement offensive. AITA?

whyislifeathingy

AITA for telling someone that money is a bigger issue in the dog rescue world than she realizes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hmzey/aita_for_telling_someone_that_money_is_a_bigger/

17hmzey

I asked my (36f) fiancé (38m) if our friends could play music at our wedding ceremony. He was happy to go with it. My BIL and nephew both agreed to play some songs and he asked his friend to play some stuff too. Our wedding is a year and a half out so we haven’t decided what songs to play yet but we wanted to ask early so as to not put anyone under pressure. He is annoyed that I want to select specific songs because he thinks it’s unfair to ask them to learn them for our ceremony, instead he wants them to decide what to play. I want to pick songs and ask them if they are comfortably playing them. My nephew is 11 years old so I’m very conscious of not putting him under undue pressure. My fiancé is very annoyed at me for not just agreeing to telling his friend to play ‘anything you want’. I feel as though it our ceremony so we should have some say on what he is playing. For context, I have done all the wedding research and ran everything by him for his input before booking anything so everything to this point has been mutual but I have done all the heavy lifting to find the ‘options’. I feel like he is being unreasonable because, even though we are asking for favours from friends to play music, it’s still our wedding ceremony. Am I being unreasonable/the asshole?

Tararrrr

AITA for being a bridezilla?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn0js/aita_for_being_a_bridezilla/

17hn0js

I (19F) and my two aunts were in a car. They suddenly started talking about PhD students and how PhD students were smart because they themselves couldn't possibly imagine doing a PhD. I'm already in uni studying my bachelor's and I've met PhD students so I decided to chime in the convo. I said that PhD students aren't naturally smarter than the average people, and that it was a matter of dedicating yourself to academia. I also argued that there are many smart people without PhDs. And just because someone has a PhD, doesn't mean they deserve automatic praise and merit. I also said that, similar to this logic, I don't deserve automatic merit and praise just cause I got an ATAR in the 99s. ATAR is used by Australia to rank recently graduated high school students with one another. Since I got an ATAR of 99.55, I'm in the top 1% of all graduates. My aunt found this statement of mine rude. She told me to shut up because I was putting down other people's achievements. She then started saying that that I "better make sure to never fail in life" because I was egotistical. I then asked her, "What constitutes failure?" which further aggravated her but she didn't elaborate. At this point, she was shouting at me. She then said that I haven't proven anything in life. I think this is unfair cause a) I'm young and b) I just graduated high school last year. I started questioning why she was so angry about my opinion over PhD people. I then asked her, "Well, what have you proven in life? When we were the same age, I was better than you academically." The moment I said this, she started shouting non-stop. She called me arrogant and delusional and said that I have no grasp of the "real world." She then proceeded to call my mother to tell her that I'm delusional and that I should increase my antidepressant dose. She also advised my mum to place me in a psychiatric hospital because I was "clearly unwell." I then further insulted her by saying that it's sad that she's a nurse because she has no understanding of what antidepressants do or what mental health is about. This further aggravated her.

Sorry-Mandela

AITA for insulting my aunt's intelligence, knowledge, and achievements?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn30p/aita_for_insulting_my_aunts_intelligence/

17hn30p

Our 18m child (Child) wakes up every morning at 7:15am, my partner (Part) takes them out of bed. We co-room with Child due to space restrictions. Since I take the overnight shift in preparing bottles, we have an arrangement that Part will take the morning shift, change diaper, feed morning bottle, watch Child until Nanny arrives at 8:15am. Last 2 days, Child has been running a fever (>101F), and has a runny nose. This morning, Child woke up again unwell. Ate 4 bottles overnight. I asked Part to remove Child from bed at ~7:04am as Child was up anyways. I replace earplugs, try to sleep. I hear Child begin to cry, then progress into guttural heaves. We have monitors at home. I can see Part is in office and ignores Child. I come out asking why Part isn't comforting Child, given that they're very young and unwell. Part explains that Child "needs to learn that crying won't get [their] way." I respond that Child is 18m and feverish/unwell and has a poopy diaper (I was wrong, they farted) and now is not the right time to teach this lesson. Part asks when the right time is. I respond not now. Child continues to cry and heave. I ask Part to change the diaper while I snot-suck Child's nose. I attempt to return back to bedroom to sleep. Child acts afraid of Part, so Child sits in front of bedroom, and cries for me. I come out, tell Part they need to spend time with Child otherwise I am the only "safe parent" and I won't be able to rest. Part responds with: "He takes, you take, all I ever do is give." Part breaks the babygate in a rage and scares Child so much, they begin to dry heave and screech into my shirt. I also begin to cry out of exhaustion and emotion. Part believes Child is crying to manipulate, and should be ignored, especially after being told "no." I believe Child is 18m and still practicing emotional regulation, and should not be left to cry until they are heaving. I believe Child should be redirected to another task. Part is frustrated that there is no sleep training happening at night. I am frustrated that Child is, in fact, sleep trained, but is generally a poor eater and so eats formula at night to makeup for bad eating during day. Part has more W2 income, and I have more assets which generate income. I currently do not work a W2. 5 days ago, I had a minor operation to deal with a chronic pain illness, I am still recovering and can't move well. We have a general agreement that I care for the child's play, stimulation, feeding, nonphysical care. Part will handle diapers, bath time, physical care. Part wants to know when it's okay to let Child cry it out. Part says I use the excuse too often of: he's too young. My stance is: it's okay to let Child whine and cry, but not okay to let Child escalate to full on tantrum, dry heaving, etc without redirecting and trying to regulate Child's emotions. We are the adults, we teach Child how to regulate. Ignoring Child will only escalate the situation. AITA

Extreme_Rip5644

AITA Not letting 18m child cry

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn5v1/aita_not_letting_18m_child_cry/

17hn5v1

Long story short my husband (29) and I (27) decided last year that Christmas will be our day to spend home as a family and we can have family come to us and do dinners on other days. My mom has always done dinner Boxing Day which works out perfect. His mother has always done dinner Christmas Day but last year changed it for us. This year she texted him saying she’s doing it Christmas Day and he’s freaking on me because I said I’m not leaving with my kids to go to dinner after they just got given a bunch of new fun things. She also treats me like garbage and I’m currently pregnant and on bedrest (baby is due January) I swear she’s doing this just to fight. But now he’s on me freaking out saying he has no say even though we made these rules last year. Also might I add in his brother and their family only go once every few years where we are forced and guilted into going yearly. I offered that he may go alone but I will be at home spending time with our children.

Slvf12

AITA for following through with last years plans and staying home as a family on Christmas Day?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn63e/aita_for_following_through_with_last_years_plans/

17hn63e

My sister’s (29F) birthday was a little over a month ago. She said previously, a few times, that she didn’t want a birthday get together this year. I’m (32F) usually the one who plans hers, but if it’s not me, then it’s either our other sister or my BIL. This year, she wanted to go to a concert, so her husband got her those tickets and they went. My brother and SIL kept their children for them. Because she said she didn’t want a celebration, and she had plans to go to the concert, I didn’t plan a dinner. Nobody else did, either. A little over a week after, our dad said he was going to have a cookout for my sister’s birthday bc he does it for everyone else. I now live almost 200 miles away. I was in my hometown to collect some things from my old house Thursday and Friday that week, but my (foster) son had his first soccer game on Saturday morning, so I told them I wouldn’t be able to make the dinner. **As a side note: I borrowed her couch while I lived in my trailer. She is using my chest of drawers. She knew for weeks that I was moving and never made an attempt to get her couch, even when she knew I was in town packing. One of my little brothers (23 M) was helping me pack and said she had gifted the couch to him, but he didn’t have room for it. I didn’t either, so I left it in the trailer but didn’t tell my sister. This happened at the same time this was all going on.** My sister was LIVID. “I’m so glad to see that after everything, you can just turn your back on me and your family when you get your own little family. Really shows me how much you give a sh**.” She told me to enjoy my new life and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been 27 days. My SIL (23F) told me later that my sister was talking very badly of me at our dad’s house for skipping her birthday dinner to go to my kid’s game. SIL also said that other my brother 25M) defended my choice, stating that the kids come first and she would’ve done the same if it had been any of her three children. I grew up with a parent who didn’t attend my school events or art shows or anything, and I remember growing up thinking they didn’t care enough about me to show up. I didn’t want my boy to feel that way; but was I wrong for not going? I would have had to drive almost 200 miles back home to see an hour long game just to turn around and drive back to my hometown to have dinner for maybe 2 hours, and then drive back that evening. Thank you for your opinions! 🖤

cochina-gina

AITA for skipping my sister’s birthday dinner?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn6hq/aita_for_skipping_my_sisters_birthday_dinner/

17hn6hq

This has been a issue between my wife(29f) and me(31m) for about the last year. We have been married two years. My wife has a habit of leaving messes around the house. This includes things like dirty dishes, stacks of junk, wrappers/napkins, and destroyed kitchen after using it. Most of the time my wife is out or busy when I notice a mess and since I need to do something in the area I tend to be the one that cleans it up. I have asked her repeatedly over the last year to please clean up after herself a little better. The thing is she denies even doing it which has kind of left me at a loss. Recently I have decided to take a new approach. If I have to clean up an area, I have been tracking when, where and before/after photo of the area then sending it to my wife. This has obviously caused a bit of tension between us and her calling me petty and an asshole. However, since I started doing this I have also noticed a steep decline in messes made. AITA? ETA: We both work full-time jobs. She works from home 3 days a week and I work in the office. She regularly goes out after work with friends and coworkers which is usually when I find a mess when I get home. I do a majority of the cleaning and cooking.

InteractionCivil4965

AITA for documenting my wife's messes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn798/aita_for_documenting_my_wifes_messes/

17hn798

Edit: title should be “left in our bathroom.” Leave implies they do this a lot, they don’t. It was a one time thing. I live with 3 girls/women as a single guy. It’s not some like romcom or sitcom situation. It’s where I live because it’s fairly reasonable rent, it’s close to school and aside from this issue we all do a good job being respectful to each others spaces. Since my family and friends bring it up all the time and it seems it’s what everyone thinks, there is no romantic energy between me and the girls. I am a fat, dumpy, ugly introvert who likes my alone time and they are all pretty, extrovert party girls (but all smart and capable). Our house is old and only has one bathroom. We agreed upon moving in that we had to keep the bathroom as a neutral space. Meaning we all had shower caddies, we would wipe it down after each use and each would do a full clean taking turns once a week. It’s worked well since January. This week was some sort of sorority event and they all spent hours getting ready. It wasn’t a big deal I just had to teach an evening lab so I couldn’t take a shower and had to use the bathroom in the lab building to wash my face, shave, etc… When I got home it looked like an explosion of hair happened in the bathroom. There were long blonde and brunette hairs all over the shower, the drain was clogged, hair on the sink, the floor, etc… Plus there was just “stuff” like there never had been. On Wednesday I thought they’d clean it up. They didn’t. They didn’t clean it up on Thursday and last night taking a shower for my lab was disgusting. The water was up to my ankles it was so clogged. They were all out in the living room drinking and I meant to stay calm but I lost it with them and told them they had to clean the bathroom. They immediately got defensive and asked how I knew it was their mess. I said I went “fucking bald” when I was 17, how could it be. They got offended that I swore and said I was being too aggressive. I said it’s been two days, clean the bathroom and I have a right to be frustrated. They said I needed to appreciate how busy they were this week and they’d do it this weekend. I said I can’t even shower. One made a joke “yeah we can tell” and kind of this still hold her nose thing. I said that was cruel and not necessary. She said it wasn’t necessary for me to bark orders at them like a major asshole that they’ve always cleaned and it’s stupid for me not to know it will get clean when it’s her turn this weekend. I left for my lab and the bathroom was still not clean when I got home. AITA here?

Livingwwomensucks

AITA (22m) for losing my shit on my three roommates (19-23f) for how messy, specifically how much hair, they leave our shared bathroom?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hn7oh/aita_22m_for_losing_my_shit_on_my_three_roommates/

17hn7oh

This actually happened in may. We've been dating since february going on dates and do stuff. At the second date he told me "I don't want a relationship", I asked him "what do you want then?" he said "to go out, to do stuff". I agreed. In may I did go out with someone else and his friends saw me and told him. I knew that he found out because he was acting weird and distant and sometimes angry at me. He didn't said anything, but a friend of ours told me that he was mad I didn't told him I'm going out with someone else and that I betrayed his trust. Wtf is that? He is the one who told me he didn't want anything serious, why do I have to explain my actions? So who is in the wrong? Tldr: guy I'm casually seeing got mad for going out with someone else, since he's the one who told me he wanted to be casual

Madelaine2000

AITA for not telling the guy [26M] I [25F] am casually dating that I'm going on a date?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnfmv/aita_for_not_telling_the_guy_26m_i_25f_am/

17hnfmv

Obviously you all need context. My kids are a son (14) a daughter (12) and a son (4). So America school system sucks, my kids each get 5 parent notes a year that are 'excused absents' then after 5 unexcused you get a truency note and have to show up in court. My older two have medical issues that can flair up and cause them to miss school along with just getting regular illnesses. Because of this, within the course of 2 months my daughter has already used up 3 parent notes while my son has only used 1. The school has only understood they may miss lots of school due to medical treatment but will not give them extra parent notes for flair ups. And I can't exactly just take my kid to the doc for every medical flair up that just requires some TLC. On top of that my daughter has white coat syndrome (phobia of doctors). So when my preschooler brought home a bad cold and passed it along I had no choice but to tell my daughter to suck it up, take some dayquil because you only have 2 parent notes left OR go to the doctor and get tested, because they will, for covid flu rsv and strep. She went to school with a mask really angry at me. My oldest son now has the cold and I've told him he can take a parent note if he wants but I urged him to go since he's missed a lot of schoool due to medical treatment. He still chose to stay at home. My daughter cant say asshole but she definitely thinks I'm being unfair. Am I the asshole?

TanukiKon

AITA for letting my son stay home from school while sick but not my daughter?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnfwj/aita_for_letting_my_son_stay_home_from_school/

17hnfwj

So for background, I(F31) have been going to an aesthetician since 2021 for biotin and vit b12 injections every month, and facial rejuvenation treatment every 6 months. Last year, at my visit she told me they offer a new treatment “Russian lip filler” and told me a bit about it. I have naturally thick, plump lips but was super curious what they would look like with filler. We discussed it and I was persuaded so I got 0.5ml fillers. It was very painful and didn’t make much difference. So, I met B(M28) in Feb, we got on well but my mum was severely sick from March to Aug so we didn’t really speak or hang out. We started talking again 2 months ago we’re now dating. Not official-official but going well. When we met, B complimented my lips and asked if I had filler and I said “no, all natural”. This was about 8 months after my treatment, so the filler had faded at this point. Also this was our opening conversation, so I didn’t feel it was necessary to share that I had had filler in the past. 3 nights ago I get an email for my 6 month appointment and messaged my aesthetician to reschedule. B is beside me and asks what I’m doing and I explain. He’s asking about the cost and how often I get it done, then says that it’s a waste of money. He’s a financial advisor so I guess it’s his job to say things like this but I ask him to mind his business in a light hearted way. He’s still asking how many treatments I’ve had done and how much it has cost me in total. I’m annoyed but I scroll up to see what date I first message her and scroll past pictures of my lips swollen after having filler. He asks what they are and I explain I sent her a picture of my lips to ask if the swelling was normal. B gets angry and demands to know why I lied to him. I’m confused and say I didn’t lie about anything. He starts shouting that he specifically asked me if I had had filler and I straight up lied about it. I said I had only had filler once and it had been 8 months before I had even met him, the effects had already worn off and he didn’t ask me if I had EVER had filler. He had asked if my lips looked like this because of filler, which they don’t, because this is how they naturally look. He said it was a waste of money, I’m wasting money I should be spending on my kids on filling my lips with toxic crap and then lying about it. I asked him not to comment on how I spend my money. He was so offended and angry. He said he couldn’t trust me cause if I’d lie about something small, I’d lie about something big just as easily. At this point I was stunned, didn’t know how to handle a grown man shouting at me and wasn’t even being heard cause he kept interrupting and huffing every time I spoke so I asked him to leave and he stormed out. I texted him the following morning and he didn’t reply. It’s been 2 days now and no contact I assume he’s ended things. I’ve never seen him even raise his voice and I can’t stop thinking about it, I’m unsure if I’m right or wrong.

kia-audi-spider-legs

AITA for “lying” about getting lip fillers?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnilm/aita_for_lying_about_getting_lip_fillers/

17hnilm

Firstly, my friends and I are all around 23-25, with no kids, younger siblings or any future thoughts of kids. In fact, we have often joked about none of us wanting kids, saying things like “reason number so-and-so” when we see kids being a bit obnoxious in the wild. I personally do not find kids to be fun to be around, I am an awkward person usually and that amplifies when I’m around kids, find it very hard to talk to them. We have had this activity planned out for a few weeks, I won’t get into too much detail about what it is, but it’s a scavenger type thing located all throughout our city. It’s advertised towards adults and families, though all the promotional photos I saw were of adults. My friend, I’ll call her Mia, had agreed to let her friend’s 10 year old son join us, without consulting us. I have not met the child, and neither have a couple of our other friends. She told us the night before. Her sister, also a friend, immediately told her not to bring him, as she didn’t want us to be burdened with having to babysit him on what was supposed to be a fun day for us. Mia responded saying that she can’t take it back now, it’s too late and she won’t now hurt him by changing her mind. I understand this, and realize that it would probably hurt him to say no, but we did not agree to have a child join us. The scavenger hunt includes clues to be solved that will lead us to our next location, I’m not sure how difficult they are, but I can imagine that she won’t want us to solve any of them before the kid does, completely ruining the fun around the game for the rest of us. If she had mentioned bringing him earlier, I would have reconsidered going altogether, but now it’s too late as we have our names registered on our ticket. Personally, I was hoping to make it into a bit of a pub crawl, by having a drink at each place we were sent to, though I hadn’t brought this idea up to anyone yet. Obviously, we can’t do this now as it’s not really appropriate for us to do that around him. After Mia continually defended her decision to bring the boy in the group chat, I messaged her privately about the situation and explained that I wasn’t interested in spending my weekend with a child, especially because my free time is limited and my weekends are spent doing the things that I enjoy doing. I felt the message was firm yet kind, I added ❤️❤️❤️ and made sure to explain that I appreciate that she is personally close with the boy, but I think his presence would put a damper on our day. She responded saying that she was sorry that I felt this way but she wasn’t changing her mind, she also mentioned that we would be kind of paired up (others were bringing their partners and I had invited a friend that Mia was also friends with, though I am closer to) and implied that we would be excluding her and that’s why she wanted to bring the kid. Now I feel bad about reaching out to her about this, and potentially making her feel like an outsider. AITA?

Scary-Recording-223

AITA for telling my friend not to bring a child on our scavenger hunt?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnk6g/aita_for_telling_my_friend_not_to_bring_a_child/

17hnk6g

Hi Reddit, Am I (F30) the AH for leaving my work pens out in the kitchen? I am a paramedic and come across many gross, unsavoury things throughout my work hours. I of course wear gloves when touching poo, wee, blood and other bodily fluids, and do not remove them while using pens to write during these cases. After my most recent shift, I put a number of these pens with my trauma shears & pupil torch onto the kitchen cabinet where we keep other random junk. Today, my sister (F26), grabbed my most used pen unknowingly and used it to write in our calendar. I then saw her with the end of this pen in her mouth (she has a habit of doing this). I warned her that I’d used this pen this shift, while wearing gloves that definitely had urine and other bodily fluids on them. She was immediately disgusted and washed her mouth, and says it was my fault for leaving these pens out. AITA or is she responsible to not put random pens in her mouth? EDIT - It’s a big kitchen, and I didn’t put them where we make food. It’s also the first time I’ve left them on the bench! EDIT #2 - Thanks guys. If you couldn’t tell by the heavily weighted title, I am the younger sister in this scenario. We had a great laugh about this before deciding to put it up for Reddit’s judgement. Thanks to everyone who were kind in their feedback, and for those who weren’t… touch some grass. I was later told that really the pen was clean and she was just being hyperbolic, but it was an interesting debate nonetheless. From now on all work related tools will stay far away from common areas, and I will try to stop putting random objects in my mouth. For those that said ESH - Agreed!!

LiterallySoTall

AITA for leaving my biohazard pens out for my sister to use them?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnkcy/aita_for_leaving_my_biohazard_pens_out_for_my/

17hnkcy

I (26m) was invited to my co-workers (32f) Halloween party on Friday, she throws one every year and we’ve known each other and been friends for 10 years. They’re always a good time and I’ve been looking forward to it all year. Well I told my girlfriend (25f) about it and she was fine until I told her who it was. Apparently a couple years ago my co-worker and her boyfriend broke up and my now girlfriend “stole her boyfriend” from my co-worker. Well long story short they had beef over something that had nothing to do with me. So when my girl found out I was going to her party she forbid me from going and said I shouldn’t even be friends with her. She also said it’s disrespectful to our relationship, but I find it disrespectful that she would ask me to throw a long time friendship away over beef they had over her ex. Also me and co-worker have always had a platonic relationship. So am I the asshole for still going? Edit: spelling

leaders-can-inspire

AITA for going to another woman’s Halloween party even though it bothers my girlfriend.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnkwr/aita_for_going_to_another_womans_halloween_party/

17hnkwr

A friend, lets call him Robert, asked me to help with a writing project as I’ve self published a few books over the years (nothing big, I just enjoy writing and don’t care if I make money at it). After hesitating, he finally cajoled me into agreeing. We spent quite a few hours blocking, story notes, outlines, on a collection of short comedic stories/limericks. The material is way over the top and not to my taste (think Lenny Bruce meets Beavis and Butthead but far more graphic) but he was excited about it. He then shared this 'amazing' project with another friend of his, who I don’t know. This friend is rather conservative from everything Robert has said. The friend was not impressed and thought the ideas were gross, vulgar and inappropriate. At which point the Robert kind of threw me under the bus. He said the ideas were all mine. His friend also suggested he spend less time with me due to the graphic nature of the stories. I was not happy when Robert told me this. These stories were not my idea - at all. I’ve since lost all interest in the project and he’s saying I’m taking it “too personally” and shouldn’t be upset as his telling his friend that has nothing to do with me. AITA for backing out? Thank you for any input or thoughts.

Rare_Percentage3393

AITA for walking away from a writing project I committed to?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hns3x/aita_for_walking_away_from_a_writing_project_i/

17hns3x

I (21f) started dating my boyfriend (21m) 2 years ago. He was fun and had a lot of quirks I loved. As we started to get closer he let loose even more and I fell more in love with the real person he was. I’m someone who has their fair share of differences to everyone else so seeing him be who he really was helped me be the same for him. A couple months ago he mentioned that he was going to be tested for autism because he thought a lot of his differences may be due to that. I fully supported this and actually helped him sign a bunch of the documents where he needed to show symptoms from another persons point of view. The rest came back and he does. I was really happy for him. I know how it feels to be different and not know why and then finally get a diagnosis and finally get the chance to understand yourself (I’ve dealt with mental health issues and being diagnosed has helped me in my journey - I know they’re different but the finally understanding aspect is till there). Well recently he’s been acting different. Every time he scrolls on tik tok his for you page is full of videos of people with autism explaining how it effects them and such. This is normal however he’s started mimicking the way other people act. I’ll hear him watch a video and the next day he’s doing what they do constantly. The worst part to me is how much younger he acts. It’s hard to explain but it’s like he’s a child. He baby talks and acts like he suddenly can’t do things and has to be comforted and babied constantly and honestly I just can’t handle it anymore. I don’t even know if that’s related to autism but his diagnosis has definitely started it. I won’t say that these are completely new. A few of them were small quirks he had that are now done on a much bigger scale. The other day I was doing terribly and I came home and he had done nothing all day. He saw me and the whole baby act started and I got so frustrated I asked him to stop exaggerating his autism all of a sudden. We got into an argument where he said he can’t help but be who he is now and I said that it feels like his issues are mostly mimicking what he sees so maybe he could just take a break from watching related content. He stormed out and is now staying with a friend. We haven’t spoken for a few days now. I feel like a horrible person but I also feel like he really is exaggerating this. Can someone just tell me if I’m wrong? I don’t know if I can handle this if this is who he is anymore.

Jellyfish-and-snails

AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop exaggerating his autism?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnsaf/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_to_stop/

17hnsaf

My brother his married and our SIL has been in the family a while. Overall she is a good person but she is pushing into situations she has no reason to be in. The best way I can describe it would be desperate. She was an only child with parents that she describe not the best. The first conversation I had with her was her sex life and how my brother did in bed. I shut that down quick but she kept telling me we are sisters now and sister share these things. The rest of the family has been shutting down when she pushes boundaries. I don’t understand why she keeps doing especially since multiple people told her to stop sharing super personal details. This week I was talking to my sister at a family event and I was complaining about my bf. She came up and just dumbed how awful her old ex was and she was getting very detailed. I told her to stop and she agian told me we are sisters and sisters share this stuff. I told her we are not sisters and she needs to stop pushing boundaries and that is the reason everyone is having a hard time accepting her into the family. We already spoke to her about this and she needs to listens. She left and my brother is calling me a jerk for not accepting her I got he family.

Top_Test4924

AITA for making it a point to tell my SIL isn’t my sister and she needs to stop pushing boundaries

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnukr/aita_for_making_it_a_point_to_tell_my_sil_isnt_my/

17hnukr

My daughter, Rachel 17, has always been a track star. She does not want to do track this year, her junior year. She says it gives her too much anxiety and she doesn’t like the head coach. My husband is devastated by her decision, and I feel like that is putting even more pressure and pushing her to not do track. He has told her that this is the year for the team to win state. Positives: last year at state, her relay team set a school record. She set a personal best in her best race but failed to make the finals by half a second (400m). She is a wonderful, supportive teammate and all of the other athletes love her being there. She makes cheer sections and makes sure to tell them good job. Negatives: she was helping a special needs child clean up following nutrition class which made her a couple minutes late to practice. The coach called her out in front of everyone. His son and another student were even more late from the same class and nothing was said. When they practiced blocks, she was called out repeatedly. (I thought constructive criticism that she needs to learn to take?) At a meet, her stomach was hurting so she asked to scratch an event (many of the boys had been scratching various events at various meets and while the coach did seem annoyed, nothing was ever said to them). The jumping coach told her to false start and said yeah idk why he treats you like that and that she always hated coaches like him (idk if this played into my daughter’s decision or not). At state, the coach didn’t know that her relay team made a school record or that another girl made it to finals for her event. She ran on the sprint relay at state even though she is not really a sprinter, but the coach kept reminding her that if they lose it would be her fault. There will be social fallout for not running when this is the year that they have the best chance to win state as a team. I told my daughter that she needs to be prepared for that. Lastly, from the first day of track to last day, she has diarrhea every day at lunch. We talked to the dr about this who wanted food sensitivity tests done. Milk was an issue but even removed, anxiety does seem to be the reason. We have her in counseling. He told her that it’s ok to not do track but she needs to find another passion. They talked about thrift stores and fashion as a new outlet. I have told my husband that it is her life and her decision and while she might regret it, she will have to live with that. But, I do actually feel like she is making a mistake even though I keep trying to keep a brave front on. So WIBTA or AITA for pressuring my daughter to do track?

Pathunknown1

AITA for pressuring my daughter to do track?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnwrb/aita_for_pressuring_my_daughter_to_do_track/

17hnwrb

A bit of a background: My mother passed away when i was two years old. My father was in Air force at that time. He married again 2 years after her death to a gem of a woman (mum). I did not know she was not my birth mom; the reason is that she treats me as her own son, I always felt the love and affection my real mother could have given me, my father was posted at a variety of place hence I became a military BRAT (BORN RAISED AND TRANSFERRED). She loves me more than anything. I soon became brother to my sister who is 6 years younger than me. Due to my affection for my mum my paternal family felt jealous and one time during a vacation when i was with my paternal family, they told me everything about my mother's death and my father remarrying (for purpose of causing a rift). I cried for hours that day, but it only raised the respect i had for my mum because how well she raised me and never let me feel that i am not her son. I told all this to my mother who went LC with her in-laws because they tried to break a mother-son bond. My father also resented and rebuked them for this but kept in touch. The said incident is a year back when i was (16 years) old. My birth mother left some property for me before she passed (she was the second child of her parents) which i would inherit when i am 21. I came to know about this as my birth mothers' brother (my uncle) kept in touch with us (my father and mum were always nice to him, and my uncle and mum are sworn brother and sister). The said property is worth a lot, as my birth mother parents were rich and sort of politically involved. My paternal family came to know about this and my father's brother (Bad Uncle -BG) showed at our doorstep demanding half of it. His reasoning is that my paternal grandparent property would be equally dived between the two so why should I get more money while my cousin (his son) won't get anything. This soon caused a huge argument as my father wanted me to have a good future and not wanted me to worry about college and buying a home in future. This inheritance would let me do that. My mum told my BG and others that "in no uncertain terms they would tolerate his shit. BG thought mum convinced me and my dad to refuse and he exploded. My grandparents and other relatives took BG's side, as they all hated my birthmother and mum, in argument they called my mother a c\*\*t and a Gold-digger. This is where i think i was a asshole , I could not take it and said all nasty abuses a teenager could say and told him he is a greedy son of b\*\*\*h. He left stunned and later all of them called and texted to tell me i was a blood traitor and the A-hole for standing up for my mum who is not even related by blood. My only reply was relation is not by blood but by care and affection. Am i the A-hole reddit.

More-Assignment-7677

AITA by standing up for the women who raised me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hnzok/aita_by_standing_up_for_the_women_who_raised_me/

17hnzok

My niece paid 100AUD for a coffee table from our estate garage sale in Sept 2019. She asked me to hold the item, which I did for 18 months. She was also given several items for nothing as gifts to remember her grandparents which she took on the day. There came a time when, as the executor, I needed to dispose of any remaining items to finalise the estate. I organised a hard rubbish disposal at an expense to the estate (minus a personal council voucher discount). And, quite frankly, I needed the items gone for personal closure. Note that I am not close with my niece and only have limited contact via Facebook as she is very dramatic and toxic. My niece (or rather her partner), contacted me today, four years on, asking for the coffee table or the money back. They are making personal threats when I told them I no longer have it. I'm happy to pay my share from an estate POV, they can request the rest from the other 3 recipients, one of them being her own father. It seems they are out for just me as I held the garage sale and housed the items and forgetting that I was executor of the estate for multiple people.

Accomplished-Ad-3833

AITA for refusing a refund for an uncollected estate purchase made 4 years ago?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ho2yz/aita_for_refusing_a_refund_for_an_uncollected/

17ho2yz

My (30F) mother-in-law (65F) signed me up for her MLM company without my consent today. My MIL hasn’t been talking to my husband (31M) for a couple of months now due to a disagreement related to horror movies & religion. After that, she stopped talking to him.My brother-in-law (38M) was forced to choose between my husband or his mom when there were birthday celebrations or dinners. Often he would choose my MIL because he wants his kids to spend as much as time her as possible. That left my husband and I out of family gatherings. This weekend is his birthday and he wanted to eat out with the rest of the family so he decided to reach out to his mom to clear the air. He invited her to birthday lunch with my brother-in-law’s family as well. She said she’ll go under one condition - he has to attend a seminar and sign up as her downline for her MLM company. Wanting to keep the peace he agreed under the agreement that I will not be involved. I didn’t want any part in the MLM company. MIL reassured that it’s no problem that I don’t want to join as long as my husband joins. Today was the seminar. My husband went to the MLM office with my MIL. She also gave him a birthday present. 80 bottles of juices from the MLM company. He got sad, not because he wanted any birthday present, but because it seemed like she was just trying to get rid them and disguised it as a birthday present. Because of that, he just decided to cancel the birthday lunch the next day. He still planned to sign up for the MLM just to keep his mom happy. She gave him cash, around 100k PHP and told him to signup a distributor. Then she gave him more cash and told him to add me as his downline. He resisted but she persisted and eventually signed me up. I received a welcome email from the company. I was upset because they still signed me up even though we agreed not to. I took the matter into my own hands. I called the hotline to cancel my membership. They said they will process it and call me back. They called my MIL while she was still with my husband. She got embarrassed and got mad at my husband. My husband messaged me telling me to stop the cancellation but I stood my ground and proceeded. When my husband got home and found out I continued with the cancellation, he called his mom to give her a heads up because if she still wants to reach her quota by next Friday, she will have to find a replacement for me. She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again. If there’s family gatherings, she will refuse to go if we are there. This again made my husband sad because for the first time this December, his dad will be home for the holidays. His dad works abroad and is rarely home for the holidays. So this would’ve been the first time in a long time that we’re complete as family. AITA?

AdAccomplished2066

AITA for canceling a MLM membership my MIL signed me up for without my consent

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ho3l2/aita_for_canceling_a_mlm_membership_my_mil_signed/

17ho3l2

So my older sis Johannah (obv fake name) screamed at me the other day bcause i ate her food. So our dad have an apartment in the city bcause he works close to that apartment so on the work days he sleeps there. On the weekend me and my partner are sleeping there or my sister and her friends. So my sister wanted to throw a party there, but a day before i was sleeping there with my bf. We have an air fryer there and there was some frozen fries, maybe like 3kg (≈6.6lb), so i didn't go to the store to buy some food, we ate like ¾ (edit: i meant ¼, i just realized i wrote it wrong😭)from the fries. Well when i went home, my sister called me, and asked about the fries. I said yeah we ate some, but theres more in the fridge. She said that i ate all of her and her friends food. I said sorry, i didn't it was just her food. She said that i could've know, since who else would have bought the food? I said i thought our dads bought them (he did) to himself, me and u. Like all of us to eat. She called me a spoiled bitch, bcause i didnt asked her about the fries (there was like 2,5kg left!). She even said that i should be happy that she ALLOWS me to sleep in the apartment at all. When i told the story to my dad, he said that i just need to leave it, and next time buy myself food, so we avoid drama. Also my sister had like 30 dollars and i only had 5 at the time. So AITA for eating the food i didn't knew i was not supposed to?

Minute_Cow_7695

AITA for eating food?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ho963/aita_for_eating_food/

17ho963

My wife has, in my opinion, an irrational fear of police given that I have been on wrong side of law. I have since cleaned up and have no interaction whatsoever with the police. Any time my kids scream, cry, or otherwise act like a child in a loud manner who didn’t get their way, she defaults to someone will call the cops. I have told her repeatedly that nobody is going to call cops because our kids are being loud spoiled kids who don’t always get their way. This morning she called me because my youngest didn’t get to play on the Xbox first and was screaming so loudly it could be heard outside the house. She was venting. In the process of her venting she said someone would call the cops and I yelled that nobody was going to call the cops because our neighbors all know us and all know how our kids act. I told her she needed to work that out with her therapist because her unreasonable assumption that everybody is out to call the cops is completely asinine. She called me an asshole, said I ruined her day, said she didn’t have time for this, said fuck you and hung up on me. AITA?

chaos2tw

AITA: blowing up on my wife for saying saying someone would call the cops

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hoc4c/aita_blowing_up_on_my_wife_for_saying_saying/

17hoc4c

My son is almost 2 who has delays in speech and cognitive. Now he’s a VERY independent toddler. He can communicate what he wants by pointing and showing me what he wants. Anyway he was playing with one of those flip the flap books. Just for context he likes to be in control when reading 📖. His uncle by marriage saw him playing with it and decided to interact with him. Well his uncle was trying to control how my son was reading it. There’s one flap he didn’t understand on how to properly open it. It was a sideways flap and he was trying to open it with his hand on the top and pulling sideways. His uncle then removed my sons hand from the flap thinking he was trying to rip (he wasn’t I had read that book earlier and he never once tried to rip it)which upset my son who thought he was taking it away from him. Which his uncle did and in a passive aggressive tone said you can’t play with it if you’re going to ripe it buddy. I don’t take books away from my son as a punishment either.

Dependent_Bluejay202

AITA for refusing to let my 2 year old spent the night at his aunts house after her husband disciplined him in a way I don’t like?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hod8u/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_2_year_old_spent_the/

17hod8u

My son Ashton is in the 4th grade and I share custody of him with my ex. We have a schedule where we basically get him one week each. There were times where she dicked me by taking extra days without giving me the same time back. For example, she took him to visit her family in another state and came back two days later because of "flight issues." Because that wasn't her fault, she refused to comp me with extra days. Stuff like that. Ashton's school is connected to a park and every Friday they do PE there. Well he's 9 and does stupid things and decided to see how far he could climb a tree. He got pretty far and then fell out. He had to get emergency surgery on his leg and got a bad concussion. He stayed overnight and then had another surgery on Saturday and released that day. My ex and I didn't discuss the custody schedule. We were concerned with other matters. On Sunday, my ex said she was going to pick Ashton up for the start of her week and I reminded her that he can't be moved around like that. He's still loopy from the concussion and medicine and how are you going to get a kid with a broken leg into your two seat Porsche? Another thing is that he's still not able to wash himself and he will NOT let his mom do that. Just me. I told her she can visit but needs to prepare for him to stay. She was angry but knew I had a point and there were doctor orders. Long story short, my son stayed with me six days later because my ex couldn't get the time off work whereas I WFH. Our 19yo son agreed to help take care of Ashton when Ashton needs a guy for something. Ashton can now use crutches and recovered from his concussion and can go back to school on Monday. My ex said she wanted to be compensated for the six days she lost by having Ashton by getting two weeks instead of one. I said nope. She said that was unfair. I reminded her of all those times when I lost days for things that wasn't her "fault" and you refused to comp me. It's not my fault Ashton's dumbass fell out of a tree and you couldn't get a week off so I'm not comping you. I told her I'm not going to be flexible with you when you aren't flexible with me. Edit: No, my son doesn't get to pick and choose which parent he wants to stay with. That's basically parentifying him. Edit: He couldn't wash himself because he was drugged up for a few days and it took a few days to clear his system. Also, he has a cast and can't get in or out of the tub. You have watch him because he will end up wetting his cast. Also he needs both hands to balance in the tub and obviously can't do that and wash his hair at the same time.

National-Swan-3759

AITA for not giving my son's mom make up days after he fell out of a tree?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hoiju/aita_for_not_giving_my_sons_mom_make_up_days/

17hoiju

A few days ago was one of my favorite albums 1 year annivesary. So i gathered all of my vinyl, cd, and t shirt variants of this album, took a picture, and captioned it "HAPPY 1 YEAR OF MIDNIGHTS!!" (midnights was the name of the album). Also, i have a LOT of these cd's, vinyls, and shirts and other merch of this album. I get a notification saying my friend responded to my story. I open it and it said "we get it your rich, not all of us are." I was shocked and responded by saying, "Im sorry if ive upset you but this isnt really something to fight about." This made her even more upset and she started blasting my phone saying im mean to poor people and im flaunting my money. I got upset because I never had any cruel intentions and said, "your making this way bigger than it needs to be, youre getting mad over nothing." Now she refuses to talk to me. AITA?

NoteSpecialist962

AITA for telling my friend shes making our argument "way bigger than it needs to be"?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hol0f/aita_for_telling_my_friend_shes_making_our/

17hol0f

I have an 8 years old daughter. I have a sister who also has a 14 years old daughter with her ex. Our daughters have the same birthdays and it has always caused issues. We tried giving them joint parties but it was a disaster and both kids were unhappy that they couldn't have the party they want. So this year we decided it's best to have separate parties for them. My sister tried to convince her daughter to celebrate another day but she was being a brat and refused. They got into an argument and my niece called her mom a jerk. that got her party cancelled altogether. So yesterday was my daughter's birthday and my sister kindly agreed to let us host it in her home since my home is too small. My niece was sulking the entire time and chose to stay in her room. A while after the party started my niece rushed to open the door. Her dad and some of his close family members were standing there with a cake and gifts. This completely ruined my daughter's party. My sister didn't let them in so they stayed outside but it still got everyone's attention and some of the kids decided to "join the outside party" because apparently they had a better cake. My daughter ended up crying and my sister ended up threatening to call the police if they didn't leave. I got into an argument with my niece's dad and yelled at him that he has no right to ruin my daughter's party and he called me the C word for making the night "all about my daughter" when it was HER PARTY Edit: posting here was probably a mistake. I'm guessing most of you are teenagers so of course you are going to take the teenager's side. It's really sad that so many people have no problem with hurting a little kid'a feelings

Top_Taro_8999

AITA for making the night all about my daughter?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17homyx/aita_for_making_the_night_all_about_my_daughter/

17homyx

I, (M 13) have a little sister (M 10), I'm an artist and she keeps stealing my art supplies without asking for my permission, I'm sick and tired of her doing it, she went too far by taking my skethcbook and making drawings all over the cover, she said that it was "art" in a sarcastic manner to save herself, I'm honestly sick and tired of it, I try not to lose my temper over something stupid like this but I was at my limit, my mom took my sister's side saying that it's just "art supplies" and my dad just laughed when I showed him what she did to my skethcbook, my sister is my moms favourite child, we never really got along because of jealousy, anyway I got off topic, I think I need to mention that I'm autistic and don't like my stuff being touched or held and it just stresses me out too much, I when I yelled at her, I was in the kitchen in the middle of some chores and writing down a recepie, I had my pouch on the counter since I needed a pen from it (I keep all of my art stuff in it), my sister walks up to me and asks for my stuff, I say no, she says that I have to give it to her since I "Used her crayons" like.. 4-5 years ago 💀, I was at my limit, I was dealing with cramps, chores and I was sleepy which caused me to lose my temper, I finally yelled at her "I told you not to touch my stuff and that's where it ends" I honestly regret it, I didn't want to yell at her but she just wouldn't understand, I'm honestly so scared right now, my mom said that I'm "insane" and to "calm down" but I fucking can't, not after she overstepped my boundaries multiple times. I think I also need to mention that anger issues run in my family and that I'm trying to better myself lol.

UrLocalArtist69

AITA for yelling at my sister?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hoo3k/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister/

17hoo3k

I (23NB) have chronic dysmenorrhea. To put it simply, I often have the genuine equivalent of an appendicitis once a month whenever my often-irregular period starts. I'm talking about calling out of work, wailing and whimpering in the bathroom, biting down on and chewing carboard tissue boxes and usually taking a medically inadvisable cocktail of painkillers while having BOTH a heat pad and TENS machine going on while listening to some binaural beats for placebo until, exhausted, the pain finally receeds. (No, my family doctor has done nothing useful. Dismissed my concerns for endo or PCOS, wouldn't run tests, said period cramps are normal and just offered birth control which is bad for my depression and my predisposition for breast cancer.) I'm officially moving out of the family home tomorrow, and my mother, her boyfriend and my younger brother are helping me move in, having rented a moving truck and everything. This morning, my mother was supposed (she offered) to drive me to my new place with some heavy baskets of groceries to drop them off early this morning so it would be taken care of and out of the way since she has a funeral (a choir friend's 100 year old late mother) to attend tomorrow morning. As fate would have it, the Blood Gods unexpectedly demanded tribute as soon as I woke up today. I immediately scrambled for a strong painkiller, my tens+heating pad and the nearest bathroom. The pain quickly became an alternate between a 7 and an 8 out of 10-- I was in full cardboard-chewing, breaking out in cold sweat mode. I texted my mom to call off the grocery drop off entirely (in my mind we would reschedule to whenever was convenient for her, but maybe I should've communicated better?) and she didn't take it well, even though I told her where I was on the pain scale and that I felt like I had an appendicitis. My mom (who has been dealing with chronic pain after a being hit by a car ten years ago) insisted on going to drop off my groceries by herself instead and doing the lifting involved instead of rescheduling "because I can't fxcking do it all tomorrow" even though "I won't be fxcking shouldering your move alone. I won't." She was slamming doors and there was some shouting. She says that in real life people take painkillers and suck it up and that I can't lose my whole day over period pain. I told her I already had taken painkillers and asked her what the f***k she wanted me to do. I think it's f*cked up that she went alone. The pain has now gone down to a 3/10 and it was about a 5/10 by the time she started leaving and slamming doors so I wonder if I should've somehow sucked it up and gone even though I'm also bleeding a lot and had neither eaten nor showered. She couldn't wait for the painkiller to really kick in or for me to grab a quick bite because she has an appointment right after this today. The original plan had me taking the public transit home after this. I feel guilty. I think it's ridiculous that she went alone and I never would've dreamed of asking that of her. AITA? Edit: I forgot to clarify that I *did* take birth control on and off for several years, as early as 16 years old. I stopped because it didn't make a strong difference for my pain, worsened my depression to the point of dangerous suicicidality, gave me facial hair and heightened my risk of breast cancer- my father's entire family was wiped out by cancer Edit 2: thank you for the judgements coming in. It's making me realise that I probably should've tried harder to come up with an alternative plan. I didn't ask her to go alone, I'm appalled and I feel terrible that she felt like she had to. I wanted to reschedule but she just totally shot the idea down saying she couldn't worry about helping me moving and helping me with the groceries at the same time. I didn't want to risk ticking her off even harder by arguing and I did see her point so I let it go but maybe I shouldn't have. I never would've thought of making her go alone. I've been taking painkillers before bedtime for like half a week for when it would start of but I think it wore off before the pain kicked in this morning. Edit 3: changed "doors slamming" to clarify she was slamming doors. Edits: typos and clarifications

throwaway9999-22222

AITA for not sucking up 7/10 pain to help my mom with my own moving out?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hoof3/aita_for_not_sucking_up_710_pain_to_help_my_mom/

17hoof3

I (27f) have been with my partner (27m) for about a year and a half now. We're an interracial couple - he's Indian and I'm white - and while I knew this was going to present it's own unique problems, I had hoped my parents would be accepting of our relationship. They don't disapprove of him - they actually get along rather well. But they're older - mid 60s - and I think anyone who has boomer parents knows exactly where I'm going with this. They makes racist jokes a lot. My mom told me to be careful that he doesn't make me come back to India with him and used the term "fucking dotheads." My dad isn't much better. When I said how excited my partner was to have my cat come with me to the apartment, my dad went "Maybe he wants to eat her." I didn't take these remarks laying down, but every protest was met with "We aren't cracking these jokes in front of him, why are you being so sensitive?" And even a few "You don't appreciate how hard we work to be accepting of your relationship, give us a break." So I pulled out the big guns. Christmas is a big deal to my family, always has been. I have a huge extended family, and Christmas time is the only time we can all gather together and catch up. Christmas Eve is usually spent at my aunt's house, where we exchange gifts and get wine drunk, and then Christmas Day is usually spent with the immediate family. This will be my first Christmas where I'm not living with my parents, and my mom made me swear that I would come over Christmas morning. So I laid it out for my parents (separately, because at best my dad will let my mom steamroll over my thoughts and feelings and at worst will spin it to make it seems like I'm being inconsiderate and unreasonable.) I said, flat out, "I don't want to have to do this, but if you keep making racist jokes or keep making excuses for the jokes, [partner] and I won't be over for Christmas morning." Dad took it fairly well. He went quiet for a bit before going "Alright, I'll stop. I was trying to be funny and get a rise out of you, but you're right, that isn't cool of me, I'm sorry." Mom took it less well. She started sounding like she was going to cry and said "You promised you would be there for Christmas morning! You PROMISED. You can't just back out of that!" I told her that there was a very simple solution. She got angry at me and told me I had to accept her behavior because that's just how she was raised. I stood up and said, "You're right, I do have to accept your behavior. But I don't have to tolerate it." Then left. Later, my dad called to tell me how upset she was and that I didn't really take her feelings into account when I threatened her, and I probably could have been nicer about it because, quote, "You know your mom doesn't take well to this stuff." He thinks I took it too far. So, AITA?

tacticianallie

AITA For Threatening to Not Come Home For Christmas?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hovas/aita_for_threatening_to_not_come_home_for/

17hovas

Me (17m) and this girl (17f) met each other through work and immediately we had a connection and became very close friends. Our friendship was very good and we always laughed when near each other and were constantly talking to each other. All our friends said we were cute together and after a month we started dating. The first couple months of the relationship were amazing and we were constantly going on dates and hanging out together. Now this was during the summer but once school started back the problems began. She became distant and we had less time together and whenever we did have time and planned something out she would cancel. Then she texted me that she thought about breaking up with me but decided against it. I asked her why and she said she didn’t trust me anymore and I had no clue why. After texting for a while she finally told me. We work at a store and before we started dating I would buy all my other coworkers stuff like candy bars or anything like that and when we started dating she said we shouldn’t buy any other person anything and I agreed. I stopped doing it but after a couple months I was in this one’s girl line buying my lunch and she asked me to buy her candy and I said no and she said she’ll give me a few dollars for it later so I did. I told my gf about it because I had felt bad immediately afterwards and she just responded okay and I told her I won’t do it again. And that was the reason she never trusted me according to her. She said if I could break that promise then I can break any promise. I regret doing it because I know I promised her I wouldn’t and I do feel bad but I think she’s overreacting. Eventually we swept this problem under the rug and never really addressed it and she was still mad at me and didn’t trust me and every time I tried to bring it up she ignored it. After that we stayed together for another 2 months but she constantly almost broke up with me. A couple days before we broke up she told me she had confessed to the last guy she liked before me she used to like him. She sent me screenshots of their text and her telling him that and that rubbed me the wrong way. We were still together and she would tell him that and the texts made it seem she only settled for me. There were other problems in the relationship that led to breaking up. Ever since she wants to get back with me one week then decides to never need to speak again the next and it’s been like that for almost 2 months now and I’m sick of it. But she always brings up her trust issues with me now and how I broke it and can never win her trust back after what I did. So aita for buying another girl candy or is she overreacting. I really love this girl and want to be with her but not if she can’t trust me.

Ok_Natural6836

AITA for buying candy for another girl then getting mad when my gf confesses to the guy she used to like

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hp0ph/aita_for_buying_candy_for_another_girl_then/

17hp0ph

My roommate (29F) and I (30M) own a discord server where we play games with online friends who live all over the world (and some irl friends from our home town), and we started playing DND in 2021 when one of our online friends mentioned being a DM. We were excited to play until one particular player joined as well: Alfred (25M, not his real name) The thing about Alfred is he's really obnoxious to play with and competitive as all hell, even when playing games that don't even have a competitive element to them. He'll brag about how amazing he is as an impostor in Among Us, try to make you play pokemon a certain way, criticize the way you play a game even if it's the first time you've ever played, and in team games will try to backseat and micromanage every step you take. So when we found out he was joining dnd we were concerned, and for good reason, as in both campaigns he rarely ever interacted with the party unless he had to, would treat the campaign like a competitive video game where the only thing that matters is how high his stats are, and once again would backseat and try to micromanage your actions. Readers who have had a player like Alfred at their table won't be surprised to learn that he's also not a very good roleplayer, seemingly incapable of playing anything but "Edgy loner who thinks being an asshole makes him cool #376" in every campaign/one-shot he's joined for. When we confront him about his behavior and how disruptive it is, his response will usually be to either go silent for the rest of the campaign, disconnect because of "connection issues" or just plain sulk about it and then repeat his shenanigans next session. The straw that broke the camel's back and caused the game to end was when he threatened PVP and to kill my character over a harmless in-game prank. After the session ended, roommate and I asked to talk to Alfred, but he was afk. We messaged him, pinged him, tried to get his attention but he remained afk for 10 minutes before disconnecting and not replying to us at all afterwards. All of this happened in May of this year. A few weeks ago our DM told us that they're planning on starting a dnd campaign after they've moved into their new home. Shortly after that Alfred spontaneously joins us for one of our weekly Among Us sessions and mentions that now that he's not working anymore he can join more often. I'm concerned that if he starts to become more active in the server again he'll want to eventually join this new dnd campaign, and I can already see the experience being unpleasant for everyone involved. Already my roomie isn't thrilled about him joining Among Us more often. So WIBTA if I suggested to the DM (or other players even) that he should not join?

mjames1993

WIBTA if I asked my DM to not let someone join our DND campaign?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hp42c/wibta_if_i_asked_my_dm_to_not_let_someone_join/

17hp42c

my mom a 45 yo women who have been having mid life crisis. Nowadays she comes out really harsh on me. I am a 16 yo teenager in last year of high school. I am very burdened with academic pressure and school work. Today i ended up over sleeping and that led for me and mom to get in an argument which didnt end well at last she told me she hated me and i am the only problem in her life i was pretty mad at her too but i was just silent the whole time when she told me she hated me and i ruined her life then she slammed my room's door in my face asking me to stay inside because she doesnt want to see my face. Later i heard her cry but i had no courage to go out and console her since i am the reason according to her. Its been very tiring lately for me with her acting up on anything she finds wrong and constantly yelling at me saying things which are hard to bear. Before i used to talk back and say mean things too but now i have stopped after realizing that she's not acting like this on purpose. I am at fault too tbh my recent grades were very concerning as we shifted 2 months ago so i had no time to prepare for tests properly. Apart from all this i have been trying to help mom out as well as keeping up with school, tuition and finishing my work timely. I am not sure what really she wants me to do anymore. I want to talk to her and clear it but she doesnt respond to what i ask her and doesnt want to properly explain whats that she wants me to do. I was really hurt when she said she wanted me to go to college soon and doesnt want me to come back at all. I dont think i am that hard of a child to deal with i have bad habits like sleeping late, waking up on odd hours, i get lazy sometimes. But am i that bad that she's wishing me to go away. Now i am confused what am i supposed to do is this my fault? How do i make her feel better and not dislike me this much i understand her hardship and i want to make her feel better.

soobinuwuweee

AITA, am i doing smth wrong, should i be concerned?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hp5t4/aita_am_i_doing_smth_wrong_should_i_be_concerned/

17hp5t4

Am I the asshole for refusing to do my best friends halloween makeup? I 14F have a guy best friend 15M, we'll call him John. So me and John are friends since we were 10. He's the only one who stayed with me through the hard times and stuff. Latelly he's been acting strange. He's being mean to me, calls me names, cancels our plans last minute and overall acts weird. I didn't mind it untill now, because we used to be mean to each other in a friendly way. This year we had a halloween party at our school, so we decided to dress up as lego batman and lego joker. John was supposted to be batman because he's taller and owns only dark clothes. The only thing he had to do was to wear a black shirt. Nothing more. Just a black shirt that he wears almost everyday. I was supposted to draw the batman mask on his face at school. Because i was going as joker i dyed my hair green, woke up two hours early and almost ruined my makeup palette on my way to school. I'm sitting on my chair waiting for John. He walks in like 10 minutes later and what do i see. He's wearing a white hoodie. I was hoping that he'd be wearing the black shirt under it. No. He wore a green rick and morty shirt. I asked him why didn't he wear the black shirt since he texted me hes gonna wear it the day before. He didnt answer and just looked down. It hurt me and I felt betrayed. Now I look like an idiot. We were supposted to look like idiots together, but now I'm all alone in this. I didn't talk to him for like 2 hours, when he asked me "what did i do to you, why are you ignoring me?" so i told him that I'm upset because he was supposted to do one thing and he couldn't even do that, that he owns 10 black shirts why didn't he wear one, what was the problem. He didn't answer again, so I asked him if he's gonna apologyse, and he said "yes". Now im waiting for him to say sorry but nothing. Like am hour later he starts talking to me and im like "I won't talk to you untill you apologyse". I was supposted to do his makeup for a halloween event in our town, but as I said, I'm not talking to him untill he apologyses. It's been four days and his mom told me that he did nothing wrong and that im just a spoiled brat for not talking to him and that I should get over it because it's stupid. So am i the asshole?

ithrowbricksatkids

AITA for refusing to do my best friends halloween makeup?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hp6w5/aita_for_refusing_to_do_my_best_friends_halloween/

17hp6w5

So, me (17f), her (17f), and a boy from her class are joining a prestigious innovation and technology competition. In this competition, we have to make a scientific paper and a machine. For the scientific paper, we have equal parts; she get the introduction and title part. But, because I have skills and knowledge in robotic, so all the machine is getting done by me. We have an agreement that if we won the competition, I will have a bonus. So, today's the finalist announcement. Hooray! I'm so happy we (almost) made it. But, after seeing the announcement, I just realized they got my name wrong. So, I check our scientific paper. Turns out my name is super wrong. She only got my first name right. I am so angry, because if we won the competition, the certificate will be in the wrong name. I have already built the machine from scratch, from morning to night, and I'm so fucking tired; and I'm so mad, because all she had to fucking do is just to write the name and she didn't even do it right. This is my last year of high school and I need to win this because I want to go to a great university. It's only 3 months until our application, where the fuck I'm gonna find another prestigious competition. I feel like I'm overreacting and the fact that when I confront her about this, all she said is "I'm sorry, dude. You're right I'm dumb. Send me the invoice for the machine" when i didn't even said a word to insult her intelligence just make me even more mad. Mind you, she is my best friend for SIX fucking years. We went to the same class in middle school and go to the same high school. She's the one I asked whenever I want to grab a dinner somewhere and I'm the one she asked when she want to go to see a movie. And she didn't even try to get my name right. Huft, I don't know. Maybe I'm overreact but I'm sure Tony Stark will be angry if someone said the one who made Iron Man is Tommy Sparks. Edit: I already asked the committee if I can change name and they said no :(

lordiogenes

AITA for getting mad and won't speak to my friends because she didn't get my name right for a competition?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpa6c/aita_for_getting_mad_and_wont_speak_to_my_friends/

17hpa6c

This is driving me insane and I am wondering if I am overreacting so I am posting here, also on phone. I’ve had a shit day and I got a call that my husband was going to grab takeout and asked what I wanted. I wanted a fried chicken sandwich, when he got home he got me the grilled version. I asked him why and he told me he was looking after me and my weight. I admit I lost it and pointed out that he is much fatter than I am, and that he is the one with a gut. I took the fried sandwich and took a bite. This resulted in a huge and he called me a jerk and left. Update: he found the post, we are going to have a long talk.

Hot-Atmosphere-8446

AITA got telling my husband is much fatter than me and he can eat the “healthy” fast food

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpc9a/aita_got_telling_my_husband_is_much_fatter_than/

17hpc9a

I'm probably just a jerk but.. I'm in senior highschool and I happen to have a friend that..posts videos of her crying to songs in her private account... I'qm not here to judge her way of coping because..okay if that makes her feel better I'll let her do her thing. But the way she asks for comfort is through doing that...and posting stuff in her ig notes like "i'm fine thank you for not asking". Fellas, Am I the jerk for not feeling the want to comfort her? We had all been tired for weeks due to projects and activities and I really looked forward for this night to be a lighter one. I even posted in an IG note that I "have all the gossip" after talking to my other friends about silly things (Which I think she saw, probably why she posted the aforementioned note) She is my friend that's for sure and I know I just cope differently with my emotions but..yeah...

proteincheeks

AITA if I don't feel like comforting my friend tonight?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpd6b/aita_if_i_dont_feel_like_comforting_my_friend/

17hpd6b

My SO (Spouse) cannot bear to hear our 18m child (Kid) cry. More recently, starting 15m old or so, Kid has started to cry because of denied wants. E.g. * Access to the toilet--which Kid sees as a water table * Not being allowed to use the trampoline (3 ft diameter, indoor) * Denied food that they won't swallow, or have recently spat out. Spouse often chides me for being too hard on Kid, for not being caring enough, or calls me from across our home to change a diaper. I recognize that Spouse parents the child overnight as Kid currently wakes up 3-4x through the night. With some exceptions, Kid has not slept longer than 5 hours in their life. I recognize that Spouse is dealing with a substantial amount of pain for which Spouse has diligently sought solutions. I recognize that Spouse does what they can to maintain the household: Cooking, coordinating cleaners, researching nanny and care options for Kid. Spouse is certainly no slouch, and I'm grateful for that. From the pregnancy through to the present, I have tried to give Spouse grace for their own busy schedule and take care of the "honey-dos" that come my way. I have also shared with Spouse my aspirations and goals. Spouse has reassured me on more than one occasion the time for me to work on achieving that goal. I work hybrid, and when I'm home, Spouse interrupts me for things which do not require my exclusive attention or input. I had mentioned to Spouse before that just because I am home, does not mean I'm not working. And yet, I am interrupted: * Look at this funny meme * Does this color look like a true winter? * (From the other side of the home) Change Kid's diaper! Recently, it came to a head. Spouse went to sleep around 10:20pm. I took the time alone until approximately 1:30am to make some progress on my own projects before going to bed. I was woken up by Spouse around 7:05am--I normally need to wake up 7:15. With Spouse asking me to bring Kid out and start the morning routine. I pick up Kid to leave Spouse alone to sleep in after another hard night. Kid starts crying because they want to use the trampoline. I ignore Kid, knowing it's a want, not a need. Spouse comes out upset that I let Kid cry and chastises me for it. We argue, during which Spouse tells me--while they're holding Kid--to change Kid's diaper. We settle kid. Diaper changed, meds given. I head back to start my workday. Spouse calls out asking me to take Kid so Spouse can go back to sleep, I accept knowing Spouse had a rough night. Kid opens the Diaper Genie (Diaper trashcan) and tries to put some of their toys inside. I tell Kid "no" and lock the Diaper Genie. Kid cries Spouse comes out chastising me again for letting Kid cry. In a rage I ended up kicking the play pen door, breaking it, shouting at Spouse with Kid in earshot, "I give, You \[Spouse\] get, You \[Kid\] get". Before storming off to start my workday. I buy another door to replace the one I broke. AITA?

Usable5971

AITA? I'm beginning to think I'm being used.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpd9g/aita_im_beginning_to_think_im_being_used/

17hpd9g

AITA for leaving a reunion sleepover because my best friend outed my addiction issues in front of all the friends present? I'm 30F. this happenedt 2 years ago. We come from a conservative society in India. My gang have been together since undergrad, right through to our jobs, few of the girls getting married and moving to different cities. One of my friends, Aria (then 28F as well), lazy, carefree,skated through life,getting away with stuff,mooching off of people sometimes.We'd let that stuff go because of our bonding. Aria and I got jobs at the same place (graveyard shift) when we were 26. She was hired.I got in a month later at the same job profile, same pay,different department/unit. I used to pick Aria from her place(15 minutes out of my route), drop her back, picked up slack for her at work on her days off or was going through something. She always took credit for my work, passed it off as hers. She'd be late leaving in the morning after the shift ( coffee or chatting) when she knew full well I had post-graduate classes in the morning. We fought over something really petty, although my anger came from a place of too much suppression. I stopped talking to her after for about a year. During this time, I also broke up with my boyfriend (27M). It was a bad relationship and it took a toll on my social life as well. I got reclusive,stopped talking to almost anyone, and was instead drinking and smoking. Somehow, one of my othe friends, Mia (28F at the time) got through to me, got me to therapy and eventually helped patch things up with Aria. I began hanging out with Aria again and told her about my depression and addiction to alcohol and smoking. She didn't say much at the time, just that she and Mia were there for me and we should all plan a reunion I agreed. Everyone together at Mia's place for a couple of days (6 of us). WE'RE chatting after a nice dinner.Out of nowhere, Aria brings up my addiction. I don't remember her exact words bcz of the sheer shock, but it was something along the lines of ' we've all settled down but (me) has gone rogue with her addictions'. Everyone else was hearing this in disbelief ( In our culture, it's frowned upon a lot, especially for women). other friends didn't say anything, I lost it at Aria, yelled at her for bringing up something that was a bad phase, something very personal part of my life that I made the mistake of sharing with her. She said she was hoping this would turn into an intervention and 'help me' get out of it. I was shocked.I stormed out of the apartment. I went home, got blind drunk, slept.woke up to a dozen messages and calls. All the other girls were blaming me for overreacting especially when we'd gotten back together after so long. I can see I may have rained on the parade but I definitely wasn't the cause. I expected Aria to respect my privacy and not discuss this with everyone, especially when she knew it would have been so uncomfortable . So reddit, am I really the a-hole?

theanxioussoul

AITA for storming out of a reunion because my best friend outed my addiction in front of everyone?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hphnb/aita_for_storming_out_of_a_reunion_because_my/

17hphnb

I (15m) race go-karts I like to say semi-professionally but really it's just a hobby that I hope can turn into something but that's off-topic. so the day came for the race that's closest to my hometown of Toronto and they didn't come. to put some context they don't hate my hobby but they don't like it either. I go all over the province of Ontario racing and they will bring me to any race I can't get to easily as I can't drive. now there is one big final race in Toronto and they know how important it is to me but they went on a wine tour in Niagra instead. when they got back and said hi I asked why they didn't come even though they said they would and their response was what made me the maddest they said "We choose to have fun ourselves instead of going and sitting to watch you go around in circles for an hour and a half" and when I reminded them they said they would come they said we made the choice not to and that they didn't want to waste any more time on this so I told them to fuck off and went to my room where I felt like an asshole for saying that. I hope I can get some help and insight into this situation. ps this happened last weekend and they are still mad at me about it

big_boner91

AITA for telling my parents to fuck off after they didn't come to my race

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpjza/aita_for_telling_my_parents_to_fuck_off_after/

17hpjza

Hi, everyone. I'm just looking for some advice to an almost decades old problem. My boyfriend and I are currently around our 30s. We've been together for a long time. We've talked about marriage, but there's always something. Mainly money but he's had quite a bit of disposable income over the years. Like every relationship, we've had our up and downs but one problem is tearing me apart. When we first met, our sex life wasn't great. He didn't have a lot of experience and seemed to have developed a porn issue that began way before we met. He was single for quite some time but honestly I figured it might subside now that he has a real life gf. It didn't. Over the years, we've had fights over it. Him choosing porn over me. Now, I understand my sex drive is pretty high. I came into his life after my last relationship where the guy was basically obssessed with my body. We didnt work out on a fundamental level and it left me wrecked and heartbroken for a long time. But my current bf is sweet, hardworking, and we built a life together that I thought I could mantain. But it's bringing out trauma I thought I had gotten past. Every period was a reminder that we didn't have sex that month. Every month, I was left depressed for a week or two. He's not a very outwardly loving person, physically or verbally, so the intimacy was lacking as well. He rarely touches my body on his own. I worked really hard to feel comfortable in my own skin and his actions, or (lack thereof) brought me back to that dark place. I always initiated but I began to feel gross and creepy when he would reject me so often. I have thoughts about things I want to do to him, but I feel disgusting thinking of him like that considering the issue. Just this past week, I practically begged him to just take one night for me, BEFORE my period was due to be here. He didn't. He said he forgot. Fair enough but it brought up years worth of neglect to our sex life. We fought about it and moved on. Or so I thought. I caught him looking at onlyfans, fansly, playboy. All within that very same week. Now I can't get it out of my head that if I was just a little prettier, maybe he would be willing. Maybe he would be excited to have sex with me if my tummy was flatter and if I had more shapely breasts. We tried for two nights this week, but he never finished. Which makes sense now that I've seen the content he was consuming prior. I'm just sick. I'm sick of feeling disgusted by my own, by all accounts, natural thoughts of my partner. I'm sick of feeling neglected and unloved. I'm sick of not getting my needs met when he can just pull up instagram and get that satisfaction and not have a second thought of me. I just want to work this out. So AITA if I call him out again for the umptenth time? It's okay if he watches porn, my problem is that he neglects our sex life because of it. Do I have a ground to stand on at this point?

ceeyalatr

AITA for confronting my BF

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpm7h/aita_for_confronting_my_bf/

17hpm7h

I'm 16(F). My younger brother (6) went up to me and shut my laptop in the middle of me doing my schoolwork. I had food on a napkin sitting on it for a second so I could get situated, and it went all over my computer. I got up and I had an annoyed expression because of it My mom told me I was being mean and that I had an attitude. I told her I was annoyed that my brother did that, and I don't understand why it was wrong of me to feel that way. She went on and on telling me I've had a bad attitude lately and that I'm being "mean" to everyone I don't understand how me being upset on my own terms has anything to do with anyone else. Am I supposed to be positive and in a good mood 24/7? I don't get why me being upset means I'm in the wrong My parents get mad and upset all the time. Just last night my dad screamed at me for no reason because he was in a bad mood. My mom snaps at me all the time when she's in a bad mood. So why is it wrong of me to display emotion that's something other than happiness? I tried to explain that to her but it didn't work I ignored her the entire time she was getting onto me because it wasn't fair that I was getting in trouble for feeling a certain way. I told her I wasn't going to listen and to leave me alone because she wasn't being fair It's like she watched me and tried to catch the slightest negative emotion to bash me for it. She got mad again when I ignored her, which I get, but I don't understand what I did wrong in the first place. She said people can tell when I'm annoyed at them, and I told her I'm not going to be happy when someone tries to be rude to me. AITA?

NeedHelpAlways01001

AITA for ignoring my mom when she was getting onto me for being annoyed at my brother?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpqxb/aita_for_ignoring_my_mom_when_she_was_getting/

17hpqxb

I (28F) just ended a two year relationship - it's fine, it was a long time coming, and my ex officially moved out of my flat on Saturday so I actually feel relieved more than anything. I decided to book next week off of work with no specific plans or anything, just to take a break and process things. When I mentioned this on a call with my parents (60s) they suggested that I spend the week at their house instead, saying that they just want to make sure I can relax and focus on myself for a while. I thanked them for the offer but I don't feel up to that right now. They kept politely offering and I kept politely refusing until my mum got upset and asked why - so I admitted that visiting them isn't exactly relaxing. Whenever I'm there, I'm - understandably - expected to contribute to the housework, and their house takes a LOT of housework. They have four dogs who need three walks a day. At this time of year, when everywhere is muddy and wet, they also need washing after each walk. The dogs become solely my responsibility because my parents work from home during the week. I also become responsible for the shopping (to be fair, my parents cover the cost) because when I'm not there, one of them has to give up their entire lunch break to do it. This also means I do the meal planning and most of the cooking. They have a lot of laundry, multiple loads a day, which I do because they can't step away from work often enough to keep on top of it and it stresses them out. They like the house hoovered, mopped and all surfaces wiped down every day. I do that every day in my own flat too (minus the mopping) but I've only got three rooms to worry about. My parents have a 5 bed. They have a dishwasher but my mum HATES it running without a full load so I end up doing all the washing up by hand because she doesn't like the sink being full of plates and mugs and cutlery between meals either. My dad handles the garden. My parents always insist that I don't need to worry about doing anything around the house, but if I don't then they get incredibly short and passive aggressive with me. I appreciate that it's a lot of work for them when I'm not there, and that it doesn't take up my entire day, but it's not relaxing - my ex feels like I'm always an anxious mess after I spend time at my parents', and I believe him. The call didn't end well. My mum kept asking "you don't want to see us?" until I had to say no, firmly, and then she walked away after accusing me of hating them and calling me ungrateful and lazy. My dad was too angry to talk about it properly so we both agreed that we'd talk the next day (today) when everyone's calmed down. I feel terrible about basically telling my parents I don't want to use my time off to visit them, but is it really unreasonable for me to feel this way? Am I the asshole?

Shitholeunistudent

AITA for not wanting to spend my time off with my parents, because of all the work their house needs doing?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hprtp/aita_for_not_wanting_to_spend_my_time_off_with_my/

17hprtp

So my building has 5 flats, and space for 2 cars to park in the driveway- which on the lease everyone has a right to. Before I moved in the residents had an informal arrangement where those who had been in the building got to park in the driveway. Now I live there, there are 3 flats which have cars. One of the occupiers is an elderly couple who have difficulty moving around and so naturally I totally agree that they should be able to park in the drive the whole time. There is plenty of street parking, but I appreciate they can’t walk too far so it makes sense they always park in the driveway. That leaves me (25M) and a woman (single mum, 30s) who lives downstairs and only one remaining space. My car is electric, and I need to be able to plug it in to charge a few times a week. I explained this to her when I first moved in, and suggested that we come up with one or two days where I get to park in the driveway to charge the car- she refused saying that she’s been in the building longer and that if I wanted to park there I would have to move the car. Ever since this conversation, whenever I’m parked in the driveway (maybe two - three days a week) she calls / texts / knocks on my door for me to move the car. The other day she called me in the middle of dinner with my girlfriend, asking me to move. I explained to her that I’m in the middle of dinner and won’t be moving. She accused me of bullying her as she’s a single mum. Later that evening her ex husband came round, banging on my door and being very aggressive in making me move the car. He accused me of intimidating his ex wife and daughter, and threatened to ‘damage me and the car’. When I asked him if he was really threatening violence over a parking space, he accused me of being racist (I definitely haven’t been!) and said if I called the police he’d tell them I was being racist towards him and his ex. Anyway, not being particularly intimidated (I’m an ex- rugby player, he’s quite small) I refused to move the car and informed the police about the encounter. AITA for not moving my car??

Remote_Astronomer_99

AITA for not moving my car out of a shared driveway

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hps8r/aita_for_not_moving_my_car_out_of_a_shared/

17hps8r

Today I made a joke to a friend about the attractiveness of a teacher in our school. These are jokes we always make and its pretty common to hear girls in our school fake swooning over the staff. My boyfriend overheard and although obvious i was joking, he gave me the silent treatment . When he finally spoke again he said if he hears me say anything like that again he will start commenting on the female teachers in front of me. I felt bad but couldn’t understand why he was so upset as these people are at least triple our age and married. AITA for making this kind of joke?

Infinite-Ganache6641

AITA For Making a Joke about my Teachers

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hptu3/aita_for_making_a_joke_about_my_teachers/

17hptu3

We live in upper US area where it gets cold and snow can start to come around this time. We are used to harsh winters (close to 0 if not negative in the winter months is usual). This morning we woke to a tiny layer of snow (which will melt when the sun comes up) and temperatures hovering around freezing (32F). Again, not anything crazy out of the ordinary, we've lived here our entire lives so we're used to it. Our 10 year olds bus stop system switched last year so instead of stopping at every house, they now have 1 designated spot for pick up for the neighborhood. It's about a 3 minute walk from our home. No roads to cross, she can walk the bike path around the pond. My husband works as a part time snow plow driver, so he has to leave early on snow days (3am today instead of his usual 8). He normally drives her to the spot on his way to work a couple minutes before the bus gets there. I'm a SAHM. We also have a 1 and 4 year old. The 1 year old is normally still asleep during the morning routine, and sleeps for at least an hour afterward. I use that time to get quite a bit of the daily things around the house that need doing done without a baby attached. This morning she threw a fit about everything. How cold it was. She didn't want to wear her winter coat. She didn't want to walk. She wanted me to either wake the baby up to put in the car for a 5 minute round trip to drop her off. Or leave him sleeping in the house alone. Neither of those were good options to me. She's 10, she's able to stand outside. Some other kids have an even further walk than she does, and they do it every day. She left in a huff pretty early to the bus getting there refusing to wear gloves or snow pants (but conceded with a sweater, light winter coat, and hat). I didn't think I was the AH until I talked to husband later and he said I could've done option 1 and it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. I think I shouldn't have to wake the baby up and disrupt his day. On the super negative or windy days, I will drive her if husband is gone. I thought we'd have a couple more months until then, and 1 year old will be in a different sleep stage, hopefully weened off night bottles by then. ETA: •She gets plenty of attention and isn't neglected. She's the only one in sports, which we both attend and cheer her on. We regularly have 1 on 1 mom/daughter or dad dates with her. She alone always joins me on errands if she wants so we can wander target or get Starbucks and drive around just the two of us. •She knows she has to walk if dad is gone and it's not crazy cold or rainy conditions. He drops her off as it's the path he takes every day anyway on the way to work. She did it last year. It's just a nice thing he does for her and not in any way an inconvenience to him. •The 4 year old is special needs so a disability van comes to the house for pick up 15 minutes before she has to leave. She likes to help with that so she knew the weather. She loves being an older sibling. •Tantrums aren't usual but also not out of the ordinary lately. We used to say from age 8 she was 8 going on 18. I raised a strong, willful girl who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it (with a preteen attitude angle).

Individual-Post6314

AITA making my daughter walk to the bus stop?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpvev/aita_making_my_daughter_walk_to_the_bus_stop/

17hpvev

I (25) female come from a slightly large family, being in the middle I tend to learn about most juicy details of my siblings lives, and normally it's just a bunch of drama. Lately, particularly one of my older sisters who is 29, and I have been getting really close. Which we never have been in the past. Infact I would go as far to say that we never really got along at all. For some back story, I moved out of my family's place a few months ago, and in with my boyfriend. After some very strong opinions of disagreements of me moving out, half of my family stopped talking to me, and suddenly my sister (let's call her Marry) became rather talkative with me. A couple times a week, we would call, and I'd listen to her pour out about: work, kids, dating, etc. I would pour out about my life: my cats, my bf, and me truly getting my life together for once. Over all pure happiness. Lately, Marry talked about a particular gentleman (we will call Cooper) that she was steadily seeing, and even sent me photos of him. Telling me about thier dates, some things about his personal life, and it seemed like they were really hitting things off. As well as it seemed quite serious. Which I was genuinely happy for her since she was going through a rough patch. She deserved something good in her life for a change. My younger brother who we will call James (22) has been helping me since he held some of my paperwork that my family gave him to give to me since they were not talking to me. I called him to catch up with him and to see if he could mail me some things. Which he was more than happy to help as well to talk to me. I brought up the subject of Marry seeming happy with her new guy Cooper. Even joked that perhaps we possibly would have a new addition to the family if things goes well enough with them. James went silent and quit serious. Asking what I meant she was seeing someone. Then asked all kinds of questions. Of how long they were seeing eachother and the like. I personally didn't see a problem in telling him, he's always been like this when any of us girls tell my brother about anyone we are dating, so I didn't think anything of it. When he finished questioning me, he broke it to me that Marry was also dating his best friend(lets call him Todd), but lately she was blowing him off. Everytime Todd set up a date, Marry gave him an excuse, and when Marry was at a beach that you could walk around in your all natural birthday suit with Cooper. She told Todd she was too sick for their date. That she was looking forward to their next date. After we hung up, a few hours later I got a text from both Todd, and Marry. Todd asking me about Marry, of explaining on what was going on with her, and if I was certain. Marry claiming that she won't be talking to "anyone" anymore. Todd did thank me, saying at this point it doesn't matter anymore, but appreciated that I was hounest with him. I do feel terrible about the situation but I don't know. AITA?

Late_Matter5297

AITA For Accidentally Revealing My Sister's Infidelity

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hpvsj/aita_for_accidentally_revealing_my_sisters/

17hpvsj

My niece is a brat but she’s 4, my sister rarely comes over anymore, she used to live with us but she’s hanging out with some other guy and now she only comes to hang out with her for a day or two but I understand why. She’s in her 20’s and focusing on work so she can take care of my niece. It’s always late at night before I get the gut wrenching, “I miss my mom” or “I’m calling my mom” often to get her mom to yell at me in order to get what she wants since she’s at work and it’s in the middle of the night. This has been going on for 6 months. My niece recently made a habit of sleeping with her mom on the phone, often when she’s busy at work but the flaw in this is that she always ends up crying herself to sleep because her mom is busy and she misses her. I recently got yelled at for messing up her sleep schedule so I thought since her crying herself to sleep pretty much knocks her out maybe that’ll help? However I feel horrible doing this because just last night she cried waiting for her mom to say I love you back but she didn’t so she kept repeating it before turning around and falling asleep.

Full_Ask1932

WIBTA If I fix my nieces sleep schedule by letting her cry herself to sleep?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hq1ma/wibta_if_i_fix_my_nieces_sleep_schedule_by/

17hq1ma

So I live in Germany and we have 13 years of school here. 4 years of primary school, 5 years of middle and 3 of high school (it can vary based on your location). and those last 3 years are needed to get your leaving certificate, called Abitur. I was always an average grade student. My sister too, but she got worse at school over time. I‘m in year 13, she‘s currently in year 11 thinking about moving schools because our school is too hard for her (she‘s not stupid, just lazy). And yeah, as her grades went down, mine went up. I was always a little better at school which was like the only thing i was better at, she‘s “the pretty one”, has a great social life and is really funny. So I basically only have that one thing. Now year 11 is very hard for her and she wants to move schools to go back a year and she’s gonna go to a school that is, no hate, a school with people who aren’t good at school and she goes there to stick out because while she’s not that good the people there are worse. I hope you get what i mean. And i am still an average grade student, mostly Bs. Her grades are like C-D. So what happened then was that I said that that’s really good for her and i went to my room and started crying because i felt it was really unfair since she is basically gonna get her grades gifted by being the only person who is not a “problematic” kid while i’m here at school working hard and getting average grades. And it’s too late for me to move schools. My mum came in and asked me what was wrong and i didn’t want to tell her because i didn’t wanna seem like a bitch but after she didn’t stop asking me i told her and she flipped out and told me that my sister “needs it” because she’ll get way better grades with the same amount of work. I really don’t wanna be a bitch but am I the asshole for crying because my sister is gonna get better grades than me with less work? Btw i didn’t tell her that, i cried in secret and after my mum basically forced me to say what’s wrong she called me ungrateful and such. I mean it’s just my feelings and i don’t wish her bad grades, just worse grades than me, otherwise she’ll be better at everything. Oh btw it’s still the same certificate, same qualification etc. TLDR: My sister is moving schools to one with a lot of not stupid but kinda yes stupid kids to get better grades just by being the only one who is not “problematic”. Meanwhile I am working my ass off and am still an average student and it’s too late for me to move schools and i was just jealous of how easy she’s gonna have it and my mum called me an ungrateful shit just for being sad i didn’t have that chance. I feel like an asshole because I mean i should be happy for her but i’m not and i wish she stayed so i can be the “smarter” sibling but then again i can’t control my feelings and i didn’t even tell her, i only told my mum, i was planning on “suffering in silence”. Edit: She’ll transfer in 2 weeks

PassengerFun9008

AITA for crying because i am jealous of my sister having better chances than me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hq1rt/aita_for_crying_because_i_am_jealous_of_my_sister/

17hq1rt

So a few years ago a stray cat came up to my family's house near starving to death in the middle of winter. We fed her and my parents wanted that to be the end of it. I was concerned for the cat and thought she'd freeze to death so I tried to get her to be allowed inside. They refused. After feeding her she just stayed by the door the entire day so when night came my friend (who my parent’s basically adopted) and I went out to my car and slept with her. This was enough for my parents to agree to let her into the attached garage. Moving forward a few years she has stuck around as an in/out cat. We lived on 8 acres. We had installed a cat door to the garage and she had water and a very very small litter box in there. Most of the day she was allowed inside the house and she'd sleep on my bed. I feel it's important to add that she clearly knew what houses were and that that made it clear to me she was abandoned. But they never let her spend the night unless there was a tornado. I had always been under the assumption she was "my cat", given the rest of the family didn't want to keep her at the start, and that I would one day take her. I picked a date, letting my parents know I'd be trying to move her into a fully indoor cat in my girlfriend's home, who the cat is very familiar with. I wanted to keep her and felt it was unsafe for her to be outside specifically at night for many reasons: we have bald eagles, coyotes, stay dogs, and foxes, she had come to us near death, she was abandoned, and my parents didn't let her come in during the night. BUT she had lived this long in these conditions and seemed happy with them so if she was unhappy with us I would bring her back to my parents. I chose to do it this way for two main reasons: 1. My girlfriend needed a companion animal and getting another kitten then trying to move in together would have been even harder on my cat and 2. If it didn't work out we could return the cat and get a kitten. We wouldn't have to wait another half year to a year to get a different pet. We took the cat and the drive was pretty bad. She really hates carriers and cars. Once we got going I took her out of the carrier and held her. This helped her calm down a lot. The drive was 1.5 hours. About an hour in she threw up. We are unsure if this was motion sickness or stress. Once at the new home we confined her into my girlfriend's room for the first week. Within 1 hour she was eating, drinking, and exploring. Within 12 she had used the litter box. She did spend most of the time under the bed but whenever we came and sat on the ground she'd come and rub against us and purr. My family was mad. Mom was just worried for the cat, Dad was angry about losing his pest control, but my friend was livid. She even claimed I was horribly selfish and was animal abusive after she had wanted to take the cat before but the cat hates her. I don't want to hurt the cat, but this I feel is the safest situation for her. AITA?

bookWorm4208

AITA for taking the family cat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqatf/aita_for_taking_the_family_cat/

17hqatf

My daughter’s school did not choose her to be valedictorian for graduation and she is still salty about it. Her high school normally goes with the highest grade point average but it can be between the top 5 students if one demonstrates high academic achievement like winning a competition. My daughter was the leader of and won a national robotics competition and being the top 1-2 students she was sure she would get valedictorian. But the school broke away from their criteria by choosing a girl who had been in a car crash caused by a hit and run driver. The girl wasn’t badly injured but her mom died from the accident and she went on to finish the year with good grades. She wasn’t in the top 5 students and only took 1 AP class where as most previous valedictorians came from the IB or full AP course load. My son was valedictorian 4 year prior and also did full IB. So my daughter was really angry when she found out because she felt like it was unfair and also thought it was racist because kids and parents had been complaining only Asian students ever got the award. According to her the last 8 years it was always an Asian who had won and while my daughter is half Asian (so is my son) the school was trying to find a non Asian to appease the families. She said she would have been ok with the other 5 top students winning but to give it to someone with just above average grades when the criteria was about academics made her feel like she and the other 5 (which according to her were all asians) was discriminated against. I don’t know if this is true and I understand why it’s unfair and even agree with it to an extent. But the girl lost her mother and still finished the year with good grades and that should be recognized. Also the valedictorian had been made public and if my daughter tried to get it overturned it would make her look like a sore loser. I did explain all this to her and told her she was going to MIT already with a partial scholarship and everyone knew she was smart so she needs to accept sometimes unfair things happen. She was extremely angry at me for not going to the principle about this and my wife was also angry because she felt like the school discriminated against our daughter. She is now in her first semester at MIT and while she likes it she says most people in her classes were valedictorians in their high schools and she feels like she was robbed when she worked so hard. I thought she would forget it but she seems to still be angry about it and not as close to me as before. AITA for not talking to her school about this when I could?

Ok_Equipment4724

AITA for not fighting for my daughter to be valedictorian?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqdb0/aita_for_not_fighting_for_my_daughter_to_be/

17hqdb0

So, for context; I work as a security guard in a shopping center, or strip mall as some would call it. We have no patrol vehicle, and I’m the only guard on-site. I end up averaging about 14 miles a day on a 8 hour shift as I am supposed to walk the site hourly. This makes me very tired at the end of each day, and very tired when I have to work a 12 hour shift, as I end up having to walk at least 20; though I normally work 8. So, I usually get home and I’m exhausted. I have no energy left in me as I feel like I spent all day running a marathon. My legs hurt, and my joints are swollen. It’s not a big issue, I do understand it’s part of the job. This is where the issue lies… When I come home my partner is angry. Angry that I don’t have the energy to do anything. Angry that I just want to come home and chill. Angry that I don’t want to clean up or do any house work. For context on my partner, they work anywhere from 3-5 days a week for 4-8 hours, landscaping. Sometimes only 3 days with 4 hour days, and maybe a 6 hour day on Friday. We are down a guard, and I have not had a normal “work week” in about a month and a half because I’m covering all these shifts. When I get to my weekends, I do want to do stuff but I am not hyper-active about it. My legs are obviously still very sore the next day, and a little less on my 2nd day off depending on what I did the day prior. He’s angry because “you haven’t done anything for a month”. I just feel like I might be the asshole here or maybe we both are, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to even get the energy to clean the house after getting home from my shifts… so am I the asshole?

Security-Walk

AITA for not wanting to do anything after getting home from work?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hql9k/aita_for_not_wanting_to_do_anything_after_getting/

17hql9k

My son’s first birthday is on a Saturday despite his actual birthday being the Sunday after. My dad is throwing a fit over the party being on Saturday instead of Sunday because of a few reasons. 1) my dad has a kid that is only 8 and he has joint custody with his ex wife. His son, my half-brother, is at his mom’s (my dads ex wife - no relation to me or my family) on the weekends but comes back to my dad’s on Sundays. He says that Hudson can’t make the party because he’s at his mom’s, but any other Saturday football game that my dad wants his son at is okay and doable to get him out of custody schedule. 2) My dad is a season ticket holder for a football team where we live. He says that he isn’t missing a game for this when it could have been on a Sunday. My point of view: my husband and I HATE Sunday activities other than church. My SIL always has birthday parties for her kids on Sundays at 4pm and that puts us home so late with a baby. Most of my family is about an hour away from us and usually helps with the set up and clean up. Sundays put them home so late. On the point of hating Sunday activities, hosting a party is an all day activity. It starts in the morning with set up and cleaning and ends with tear down and cleaning. My family’s parties are over the top and I feel pressured to do ours that way. This one birthday will be big, but the rest will not be dictated by my family’s standards. I like to relax on Sunday afternoons before the rat race of the work week begins. A different view: my dad hasn’t seen my son since May (5 months ago) and only saw him at his birth and Christmas before that. He only calls when 8yo son’s Xbox messes up and my husband has to help guide them through how to fix it. Not sure why a non-present grandparent should dictate our scheduled events. Questions? Ask away Am I wrong for holding the birthday party on the day we want or should it be on Sunday due to football/grandparent?

Anxious-Barracuda880

AITA 1st Birthday Party vs Football Game

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqns9/aita_1st_birthday_party_vs_football_game/

17hqns9

I (44f) have a younger sister (33f) who struggles with multiple mental health issues. She has been manipulative to myself and my parents for as long as I can remember. She has also been in multiple abusive relationships with addicts and needs to be rescued frequently. She has two children under two with her current partner who also has mental health issues. Her partner does not like myself or my husband bc we see through all of his bullshit. They currently live with my parents who bend over backwards for my sister out of what I feel is guilt. Her current partner finished a stint in rehab earlier this year and as result of his issues, he lost his job. When my mom told them they could not use her credit card to pay for their car insurance, he canceled the policy. A few weeks ago, I was over at my parents house and my mom shared that the cops had to be called early in the morning due to them fighting. It's not the first time, but I did notice bruises on my sister's arms which broke my heart. Fast forward to last week, my birthday. My sisters partner was at work and left my sister without a vehicle to get to therapy. She had to use my parents vehicle and purposely came home late which caused my parents to be late to my birthday dinner. (To be clear, my sister was not invited bc boundaries). She didn't even wish me a happy birthday until my mom told her something about it that evening. Two days ago, my sister blew up my phone so I reluctantly answered bc my fear was that something was wrong with one of our parents. Turns out her partner was stranded with 2 flat tires while trying to get home at 9:45pm (even though he gets off work at 4pm). She asked me to pick him up and drop him off at my parents house which is in a small town 30 minutes away. I initially said yes bc I was put on the spot, but after talking to my hubsand, I realized this was a bad idea and I didn't want to help him. He's abusive to my sister, manipulates my parents financially, and if he hadn't cancelled their insurance out of spite would have had roadside assistance. So AITA for not helping him?

Lovelye79

AITA for not helping my sister's partner when he was stranded with two flat tires late at night?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqp6f/aita_for_not_helping_my_sisters_partner_when_he/

17hqp6f

So, I moved into my new home in Ireland last summer, and the old tenants moved out and immigrated to France. Letters for the old tenants (let’s call them Julian and Juliet) came thick and fast, like 5 a day. I initially “Returned to Sender” for the next 8 months. I spoke to the Landlord and explained the sich, so he sent them an email asking them to redirect their mail. Obvs we can’t open their post as in my country as that’s illegal…landlord has no forwarding address for them. The letters mount for the old tenants, 10 a day, clearly from banks, which are bright red “chasers”. The Irish and French embassies also write too. I’ve had enough. I’m worried about bailiffs. Letters slip out of envelopes. Turns out their debt is mounting! Bailiffs indeed might show up…landlord can’t help as they can’t be found guilty of opening their post. IDGAF about that! (Not that I’ve ever opened anyones post obvs). The plot thickens… the Irish and French embassies both write, providing certificates: “We, the Irish embassy, enclose a certificate that you Julien and Juliet are exempt from tax in the country of France, as you are residents in Ireland at: (My address, which is their old address)”. “We, in the country of France, confirm that you live at (My address/their old address in Ireland) and are therefore exempt from paying tax in France. Thank you for requesting this certificate via your application form”. Tax evasion my friends. F that. I contact Julien on social media, and ask him to stop all letters. I remind him that if he was considering it, tax evasion is illegal. He brushed me off. Told him I wasn’t born yesterday, and to pack it in with the letters or I’d write to the embassies and contact the Police. I said I wanted the letters to stop, not fight. He called me a racist GDPR breaker, and that he’d get me arrested and contact my landlord. So, I know you shouldn’t open peoples post, but I was desperate. AITAH?

pomm_queen

AITA To Ask Previous Tenants To Stop Evading Tax?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqs8l/aita_to_ask_previous_tenants_to_stop_evading_tax/

17hqs8l

She has been dating the same guy for two years now. Throughout their whole relationship, they have had a lot of explosive arguments where he is clearly being emotionally manipulative. I was her roommate for most of their relationship, so I heard and saw almost everything. Recently, it’s become too much to handle. She tells me after every fight they have, and I have given her SO much advice, but I feel like I’m wasting my breath at this point. There is nothing this man could do to where she would leave him. She’s even admitted to herself that she wouldn’t marry him, doesn’t have an emotional connection anymore, and she moved out of his apartment. Yet she STILL won’t break up with him. I have never expressed annoyance because I don’t want her to feel alone and trapped in a toxic relationship - she’s still my best friend - but I am seriously debating telling her to stop coming to me. They had a huge fight recently and he did some things that she would never have been okay with had I been in her place - telling her to shut up, throwing things, etc. She moved out and kept saying she was going to break up with him, but then she goes right back every time. Her mother, father, brother, sister, best friends, cousins, boss, coworkers - EVERYONE - has told her to dump him and that he’s mean to her. I feel like I’m being a bad friend by getting annoyed but it is INCESSANT and it’s the same issue every single time, and every single time my advice goes in one ear & out the other. She’ll agree with me when heated that he doesn’t treat her right and she deserves better, but then she’ll go right back into bed with him. How do I tell her I can’t deal with it anymore? I feel as if at this point she’s completely self aware of the situation but she is actively ignoring it and nothing anyone can say will change her mind.

suburbantrouble_

AITA for wanting to tell my best friend not to come to me anymore for emotional advice about her bf?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqsb6/aita_for_wanting_to_tell_my_best_friend_not_to/

17hqsb6

My wife and I got back a few days ago from a vacation to Japan. The trip was really great, and near the last few days we discussed going to hot springs (Onsen) near where we were staying. We took the trip with our two kids (9F and 13M), and didn’t know how they would like the idea. At hot springs in Japan, you are almost always required to be fully naked, and since you’re walking around and washing up like that there’s pretty much zero-privacy. This isn’t a problem for them since it’s just the culture. We didn’t know how our two American children would feel about going to a place like that. We discussed it with them, and right away our daughter said no. My son, however, said he wanted to go. So on the second last day we let our daughter stay at the hotel for the second half of the day, while the rest of us headed to the Onsen. When we got there we headed into the locker room and I started to change. When I was naked, I looked over and saw that my son had swim trunks on. I was confused, as I had explained what was going on. He told me that he didn’t want to go in naked, since it would be too embarrassing etc. I told him to just take it off and with some prodding he did. It was too late to take him back to the hotel, and I felt it was his own fault for not listening to me if he was embarrassed. The son seemed pretty traumatized at the beginning, definitely not comfortable with being naked in front of me and a bunch of strangers. We spent a couple hours there, and he seemed to be more relaxed by the end. Once we got back to the hotel he seemed upset and at me and when I told my wife what happened she took his side. She thought I should’ve gotten dressed and driven him back or something. I didn’t think I had done anything wrong, since I had explained everything beforehand. Should I have been more clear, or just driven him back no matter what? AITA?

WarmForest12

AITA for taking my son to an Onsen

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqupa/aita_for_taking_my_son_to_an_onsen/

17hqupa

First, english is not my first language, sorry about any mistakes. Second, throwaway because I do not want any association with this in my personal account. The story: My estranged father passed away three months ago. I was contacted as the closet relative, and after I contacted my aunt, my fathers sister, which I did not have contact to either. There was a 'formal' meeting the day after, which traditionally is where you see the departed, and a undertaker is selected. I went, with my mother (for moral support) and my aunt also came (I said if she wanted to she could). When it came to select the undertaker, I said I would not select one, since 1. I honestly did not care. ( did not say it with these exact words) 2. Did not want to risk being stuck with the bill, if he had left no money to cover it. My aunt got mad, and decided she would be selecting one which was fine by me. It turned out that my father had some money and the official things (the funeral) was paid before I got my inheritance. The problem is the money did not cover the memorial gathering that my aunt decided to hold after the funeral. Now my aunt insist that I reimburse her. She apparently though that would be covered before I got the inheritance, and knew that he had some money/valueable stuff. I was not present at the funeral or the gathering after, and I had made it clear that I did not want for anything to be planned. The inheritance could pay for the gathering but not much would be left, and I honestly would rather pay for the therapy debt which my father is the reason I have. So, AITA?

Throwaway0756775

AITA for not planning on reimbursing my aunt for my estranged fathers funeral

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqw7x/aita_for_not_planning_on_reimbursing_my_aunt_for/

17hqw7x

Its really half as dramatic but i still wanted to hear some opinions ;) So i (f/18) live together with my sis who is 19. She has a boyfriend who is really nice and who comes over tonight. She doesnt see him often because he lives in another town and they only see each other on the weekends. I started playing chess a few weeks ago and i really love it. My sisters boyfriend also plays chess. She always brags about how good is. So i asked her if she thinks he would be interested in playing with me a round. She really got offended. She said in an aggresiv tone that she wants to spend time with her boyfriend. Like im stupid for even asking. And that im not entitled for time with HER boyfriend. Now i feel stupid. AITA?

Floooraaa1

AITA for wanting to play chess with the boyfriend of my sister

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hqzu6/aita_for_wanting_to_play_chess_with_the_boyfriend/

17hqzu6

AITA? am i the asshole for not going to my friends party? my best friend is R I introduced R to T, my other friend quite a while ago T has since said some fairly rude things not just to me but to R and decent amount of other people. i since have stopped talked to T as i felt it was negative energy R and T are now close friends. despite a lot of people telling R that T may be taking advantage of her, and that T has been quite rude about everyone else, R disregards it as she struggles to let go of people and wants everyone to get along R knows and is fully aware of what T has said about everyone and has done but it’s none of my business so i leave it. i don’t interject in their relationship at all. she’s aware that quite a few of my friends and i would avoid social situations if T was involved as we don’t want the conflict that tends to arrive with her. We are going out for R’s birthday fairly soon just for an intimate friends thing. a week later she is hosting a party that’s bigger involving everyone. she told me T was going to be at the bigger party, i told her “thank you sm for telling me dude, in that case i might leave a little earlier or let you know if im coming because i just don’t feel comfortable with the conflict she can bring, but im so excited to celebrate with you at the first event” she is upset at me now but i felt like i was respecting my own boundaries and im still celebrating her birthday?? extra info - R is hosting the first smaller event - she didn’t want T there as they’re not super close it’s her best friends housemates etc type of thing AITA???

Independent_Mango440

AITA - friendship???

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hr0dk/aita_friendship/

17hr0dk

****EDIT: I appreciate the concern about the children however we are both adults who grew up in toxic homes therefore the children are never around during the arguments, which are rare. The previous break ups I will take responsibility for because, due to my previous relationship, I was unable to have a voice for myself and would not communicate and instead would shut down. I have been seeing a therapist for over a year who has helped a lot and was ultimately the reason we wanted to try again. We both love each other very much and want to make things work. EVERYTHING in the relationship is perfect except for the now lack of trust. He is an amazing father and partner and says it was a mistake to take me for granted. He said that he is done messing around because he does not want to lose me and the life we built together. He has said that if he feels the need to continue those habits, he will tell me and end the relationship so that we can maintain a good coparenting relationship. He has also never physically cheated and has never met anyone in person. Also, to the people saying I should have left the first time. I was not aware of any of this happening until about 3 months ago. I (25F) have been in an on and off again relationship with my SO (27M) for three years. We have a child together (2F) and I have a child from my previous relationship (8M). He left the home when I was about 6 months pregnant and since then we’ve broken up and gotten back together twice. This past July a girl I know reached out asking if we were still seeing each other. Once she knew we were absolutely together she sent screenshots of his tinder profile and messages to her. We discussed this and he said he only did it because, while we were broken up, I went to spend time with an old friend (25M). We discussed this and agreed to work on our relationship and move past it. About 3 months ago, I decided to go through his phone. (This is out of character for me but I couldn’t ignore my intuition any longer). On his phone I found multiple nudes, texts, dms from women dating all the way back to the beginning of our relationship. He claimed that it was just him being childish and had nothing to do with us. He was happy with me and did not want to lose me. From there it was agreed that his accounts would be logged into my phone to give me a piece of mind. This morning we got into a huge argument about how he feels I am controlling him, always bringing up the past, and questioning him like a child. I told him that if he can’t deal with the consequences of his own actions and be reassuring and kind that I don’t know what we are trying to accomplish by staying together. So.. AITA for questioning things and wanting reassurance while working through the traumatic event. Have I taken this too far or are my expectations valid?

MommyJ-97

AITA for questioning my SO?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hr562/aita_for_questioning_my_so/

17hr562

I understand I am probably being irrational but I have felt so overwhelmed with guilt since it happened. To give some context, I was on my way home from work and was waiting at the bus stop when a person standing by me suddenly fell back. I heard their head hit the pavement and the next thing I knew, their friend was on the ground screaming and begging someone to call 911. I froze up. I had my phone in my hand, my brain was telling me to just unlock it and dial 911, but I just stared blankly at this screaming person instead. They looked right at me and started to scream again "why are you just standing there?!? Why aren't you doing anything!!?!" I continued to stare blankly and didn't call 911, didn't attempt CPR after they screamed their friend wasn't breathing. I am trained to do CPR, I know all the steps. I just renewed my certification this year. I still just stood there and did nothing. Here is what I thinks makes me TA, when my brain finally processed fully what was happening there were cadets everywhere trying to get the person breathing again, nobody had called 911 yet (to my knowledge) I instead called someone in a full panic begging them to come pick me up because I was sure I had just saw someone die. AITA? Should I have called 911 when I finally was able to process everything?

-Snow-Cone-

AITA For Not Calling 911 When I Watched Someone Fall in Front of Me and Stop Breathing?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hr5by/aita_for_not_calling_911_when_i_watched_someone/

17hr5by