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My dad abandoned me when I was 2 and now wants to meet me

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP was** [u/justjackson](https://www.reddit.com/user/justjackson/). He posted in [r/AskReddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/) **10 years ago.** He has not been active since. Fun fact to cover up spoilers: since OOP made these posts on ask reddit, your fact is about that sub. In 2015, it was the most popular sub on reddit. As of 2021, it has 33.5 million members. (Also there's a good list of 'best answers' from that sub on the website bored panda.) **Trigger Warning:** >!Overdose, death, abandonment, child abuse, child neglect, child homelessness!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Utterly heartbreaking, but OOP is doing well now!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/117wwr/my_dad_abandoned_me_when_i_was_2_and_now_wants_to/)**: October 9, 2012** **Title: My dad abandoned me when I was 2 and now wants to meet me. I ended up living in a 6 foster homes and faced a lot of abuse after my mom od'd. Does it make me a horrible person to meet him just to tell him how I grew up?** My mom overdosed when I was four. I was used to her passing out for periods of time, so I just made toast and watched cartoons at first. But on the third day I got bored and went to play at the playground. Someone became concerned and next thing you know they're taking her away and I'm going to stay with "some nice people." Well, none of this people were very nice. I could go in details, but lets just say that I was removed from the first few due to abuse. And by the time I was put in a decent home I wasn't a nice little kid people wanted to adopt anymore. I was "too old" and an asshole who hated them because I knew- in little kid logic- that even though they had red bunk beds and gave me ice cream after dinner, that soon they would be like the rest. I eventually ran away when I was sixteen, my foster dad got mad at me for going in the fridge without asking and next thing I know I'm packing my bags because I figured someone would pay me to do shitty work and wouldn't treat me like trash. I'm 24 now and my dad friended me on fb. We have the same name and he sent me a long message about how he's gotten older now and thinks I should meet my siblings, etc. ... I hate him. Maybe I shouldn't. But he left me with a heroin addict and went on about his life. He has a family now? Well, cool. I never had one. Not until I grew up and started my own. I honestly think that letting him know I don't want to be his buddy or his son or whatever he thinks he needs would make me feel better. I could stop hating him and resenting him, unload it on him and just move on. I also want to let him now that I lived in an apartment with my dead mom for three days and we didn't have anyone who cared about us enough to come by. I want to show him the burns I have on my arm. I want to let him know that I hid from one of my foster dads every night under my bed and prayed to a god I no longer believe in that he would just leave me alone. I want him to know that I never had real birthdays or christmases. That I wasn't allowed to go in the fridge in most of these places and in extreme cases I wasn't even allowed to leave my room unsupervised. Would this be petty and horrible? Should I just ignore him? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Have you heard his side? Did he know your mom died?* "He did know my mom died because they contacted him and his relatives to try and place me. They weren't interested. My mom didn't have anybody." *In classic 2012 reddit fashion, people blame the mother for being a bitch, so of course the dad would want nothing to do with the family, and that fighting for the kid would somehow result in him having no custody but paying child support so a 'truly loving dad' would just leave. Or something Idk I lost braincells reading this comment.* "Then why would a truly loving dad refuse full custody two years later when offered it? And in all seriousness, no man I know would cut off contact with his children rather than pay child support and only get to see them on the weekend." *More rudeness saying the mom didn't try either, so what dad did wasn't that bad in comparison to mom: (again, these comments are disgusting but OOP gives a fuller picture so I'm including them):* "They called him to see if he had any interest when my mom died. He didn't. And neither did any of his family. He then signed away any rights he had. And what did my mom do? Yeah, she od'd. But she tried. She fed and clothed me and loved me. She was addicted to a drug and it was a horrible thing, but she loved her son. He walked away and 22 years later decided to see how life treated me." "I was four. For two years she did it on her own. He never called or checked on me. Or sent a dime. After living in seven fake-families, I can tell you that not one treated me as good as she did. She was screwed up but she tried. He didn't have the balls to try. Do you have kids? I have two. I've never spent more than a weekend away from them. And I can tell you, that I would die for them. I would work 80 hour weeks if that's what it took to support them. I would do anything for them. But I would never just walk away and not look back for two decades." "She didn't -get- full custody. She got left with it, there wasn't a divorce or custody battle. Technically that was criminal. Maybe his life is better. But apparently it bothers him enough to write me a sappy message and ask to meet me. But, the cost of him walking away is he'll never be my dad and I'll never grab the cup of coffee. A parents job is to make their life support a child. And I have no respect for anyone who doesn't even try. Even people in prison write letter to their kids." *More about foster time:* "I know there are good places. I stayed in contact with my social worker and she cried when we met up once and said that I was her worst case, because I was such a sweet adoptable little boy and I got the worst of the lot. And by the time she found a good placement I was too scared for it to be a good place. Thanks for being a good foster mom" *This gem of a comment by a commenter:* **Commenter:** The only criminal here is you acting like he should have abandoned a good life over a mistake your mom made. **OOP:** "Maybe I should teach sex ed. Because you seem ignorant of how babies are made by two people. I also sincerely advise you to have a vasectomy if you think a good, loving father would act the way you described. Because that's not the kind of love a kid needs." ***Edit from Lucy***\*\*-\*\* I should mention that a majority of commenters were very supportive. I included the above comments because they added more to the story. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/118ecb/updatemy_dad_abandoned_me_when_i_was_2_and_now/)**: October 9, 2012 (later that day)** I wrote a message, is this okay to send? I decided I don't want to come off as bitter or angry. But I don't want him to still have hope of some kind of hallmark movie ending either. Dear Jack, I am 24 years old. I am not the little boy who cried when you left. I am a man, with a son and daughter of my own. I've never spent more than a weekend away from them. I am a father and a damned good one. I don't need you anymore. Once, I needed you. When my mom died, I really could have used a dad. I could have used anybody. When she died, there wasn't even anybody there. No one cared about us. I spent three days in that apartment, eating toast and just waiting for her to wake up. And then they called you. Because you were my dad. You were twenty three, young, but not so young really. If you had came and gotten me, you would have had a son. I would have loved you forever. But you didn't. So I went to a bunch of people who didn't love me, but liked the check they got with me. It didn't make them treat me well. I have burn marks on my arm and I still can't spend time in closed in dark spaces after being shut in closets. An afternoon is a long time when you can't count. I didn't count on anybody. I used to pray, the way mom did with me when I was little. But after praying for someone to come and rescue me, long enough, hiding under my bed and praying that my foster dad wouldn't come in and would leave me alone for just one night. Just one night. I stopped believing in most things. I lived in seven different homes from 4-16. And even the decent ones, I was never family. I didn't have real birthdays or christmases. I wasn't allowed to go in the fridge and just get food when I Was hungry. When I was 16 me and my foster dad got in a fight over a ham sandwich. "Boy, what are you doing in our things?". And so, I left. Sixteen, with nobody to call, and 40 bucks. I just walked away with a backpack. Anything could've happened to me. But I made it. I'm a man now. And I don't need you. I don't want you to feel bad. I just want you to know why I can't be your son. I'm 24 and have never been any one's son. I don't know how. And I just don't have it in me. Jackson **Edit:** He also wrote a comment on a post about "kids who overcame." (October 12, 2012) "Well, I am not some celebrity success story, but considering my poor placements and the fact that I ran away from the foster system and high school when I was 16, I think I might roughly qualify for ending up a pretty average guy. I'm 24 and work as an electrician- I have an associates in it (who would've guessed I'd go to college? No one.). I went to school when I was 19 after I got my GED. I'm married with two kids- the oldest is three and the youngest is seven months. And I'm a really good dad. Which surprised me because I never had one, but I adore my kids. I would walk on fire for them. I'm happy. And I think that blue-collar, middle-class living suits me. I honestly thought I'd end up in prison or something but instead I found this life." **I found this post today and cried. It has been a decade since he posted, but I sincerely hope Jackson is living a wonderful life.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10nj9ev/my_dad_abandoned_me_when_i_was_2_and_now_wants_to/

10nj9ev

I found divorce papers in my air vent.

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/throwawayamity **in** r/offmychest. Mood spoilers: >!Very odd and concerning, but a positive ending!< \~\~\~ [Original - I found divorce papers in my air vent](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/10hxysj/i_found_divorce_papers_in_my_air_vent/) \- Posted on January 21, 2023 I found divorce papers in my air vent. Throwaway due to privacy reasons. I (29F) and my husband (30M) have been married for 4 years now, together for 7. And it's going fantastically well. He's handsome, cute, kind, loving, and makes me feel safe and wanted and loved and protected. He takes me on dates, shows physical affection wherever he can, and also just makes me feel happy. We have no kids but we are trying for it. So the other day I was cleaning the house (I'm a housewife) and I was cleaning the air vent at the top of the staircase aisle, because we had never cleaned it ever since we bought the house. And when I opened it, there was a box. An unmarked box. I took it out and then opened it and then there was a note (more about it somewhere down below) and... Divorce papers. All ready with our names on it. The only thing wasn't filled in was the signatures of us. I was crushed. He had just gone to work after kissing me for 7-8 minutes and hugged me and everything has been going great. So why this? I opened the note, and it read as follows: It is with immense regret and sadness that your love between you and (my name) has ran its course. I'm sorry (his name). You didn't deserve this. Or you did. I don't know. Maybe she cheated, maybe you did. Maybe the love didn't last for you. All those times, all those moments of being with her, are of no use now. In the end, she did go away. Or you rather made her leave. She's gone. Never coming back. It's okay you fucking r word pos, you didn't deserve her in the first place. Dumb and stupid and delusional is what you are since you didn't push her away in the first place. You don't deserve love. You deserve to be shot. Or She cheated on you. I'm sorry for that. She let another man's dick inside her and she didn't back off. She had an affair physical or emotional, and she didn't choose you. Forget her. Forgive her. Because to be amity, is to be forgiving. And you deserve the peace my friend. You did everything that you could, but she wanted more. Listen to "We Don't Understand Each Other" from ST3, and go to sleep. Hit the gym tomorrow. I'm here for you. Take care mate. Yours, (His Name). His note was from himself by himself for himself. I'm crying right now. I've never cheated on him and never even had the thought of cheating on him. All I want is him to be with me. What should I do? It breaks me to see how he thinks like this \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayamity/comments/10icqjd/i_found_divorce_papers_in_my_air_vent_update/) \- Posted later that day Hello everyone. Thank you for all your support and the reception to this post. A lot has happened in the last 7 hours, so here is my final update. Just a few things I think you should know: He is depressed but has gotten considerably better, due to medical means and therapy. He was diagnosed with OCD and Depression (moderate). He also has been portraying signs of imposter syndrome ever since we started dating, but not to the extent that it could be considered seriously. He is quite smart as he has been to an Ivy League school, and is now currently working as a head of department of R&D, in a well paying job. But he doesnt openly express emotions, struggles with affection display. He does portray how much he loves me and makes me feel wanted but he's still afraid of opening up. Him and I love each other to the extent that it cannot be described, and I definitely don't wanna lose him. The mere thought of cheating disgusts me. How can I throw myself at someone who i don't even know and fucking care about? So he came home. I was sitting on the couch with the box on the coffee table. He tried to kiss me but froze the moment he saw the box. I broke down at that point, because the though of him not coming home to me every day broke me. He came to comfort me, but I pushed him away. I am Just crying and saying, Why? Why would you do this?! You think you don't deserve me or you thought I fucking cheated on you?! He said nothing. After I calmed down, he said that: He had made the arrangements for this, a contingency plan 3-4 months ago when an office worker of his got cheated on and another office worker's marriage failed as the wife didn't find the husband attractive or interesting anymore and also that was coincidentally the time he became a reddit user, and he started to get frightened about this issue as he read many posts on [r/survivinginfedelity](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfedelity/) and also open marriages and relationships. He didn't tell me that he'd been using reddit for the last 2 couple of months. He really tried to hold it in, but failed and went to a lawyer and got the papers done just in case. He said that he loves me to death, and still finds me insanely attractive to the extent he doesn't want to leave me for one microsecond, and that if I were comfortable, he wants to spend the entire life of his with me. But he just couldn't handle the thought of another man even touching me and he said that he just can't, even for his life, share me with anyone and that I'm his and he's mine. Mine and mine alone, and I'm his and only his. He said he isn't trying to justify what he had done and what he had done was wrong and unforgivable. But he said that he hopes I can understand the circumstances that made him do this, and that how much he doesn't wanna lose me and can never ever share me with anyone. And that he loves me the most and that he'd do anything for me and begged me to be transparent when I'm bored in the marriage so we can talk it out and work through it and pull through like always and for any reason that I feel upset or have a problem with. At this point, we both were breaking down. He tried to come closer to touch and comfort me and I let him. I wrapped my arms around him and didn't let go. We hugged forever, and cried our hearts out. When he finally pulled back and he kissed me for, God knows how long. I don't wanna lose him. I love this man and I want to be around him forever and ever. We fell asleep on the couch with me on top of him. When we woke up and had breakfast. Then we burned the divorce papers and the note in out backyard and used to the remnants of the combustion as manure for our plantations. After that we took a bath, and we just snuggled. I never let go, and so did he. We held each other for hours, until we were okayish. We got up, and he made lunch while I hugged him from behind and then we ate, and snuggled. He fell asleep and I'm typing this while watching him sleep, he's still reaching out for me and his hand is on my thigh. We discussed and will consult a therapist for the both of us to counter the things he has in his mind. The more I look at him the more I smile because I know I've found the one for me. \~\~\~ **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10o12um/i_found_divorce_papers_in_my_air_vent/

10o12um

OOPS wife and son blame him for oldest sons death

ONGOING

I am not OOP, OOP is [far_cry_212](https://www.reddit.com/u/far_cry_212?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) [original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zepp9z/my_wife_and_son_blame_me_for_my_oldest_sons_death/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  Dec 7, 2022 10 years ago my oldest son started a job working the graveyard shift. He was 20 years old. He was having trouble staying awake on his drive home from work in the mornings so he came to stay with me because I lived closer to his job. He had two weeks before he moved into his new apartment real close to his job. After about 4 days if I'm staying with me I forgot about him having trouble staying awake on his drive home in the morning. I had gotten an all-inclusive tickets to a baseball game and I was taking my youngest son and all his friends. When I came home from work that day I was excited about the game and I wasn't thinking. I woke up my oldest son out and asked him if he wanted to go to the game. He looked at me crazy and then got up to go to the restroom without saying anything. His mother walked in at that time and saw him and said" boy what are you doing up:. My son replied "some fool woke me up." We went to the game and that next morning when I was at work at 8:17 a.m. my son had fallen asleep and went head on into an 18-wheeler and killed. My wife and youngest son knew about me waking him up and they held it against me. Within 2 years my son had moved off for college and my wife a divorced me. For 10 years I've been living with this debilitating guilt and self-loathing. It has ruined my life. I'm on medications for severe depression and PTSD. I lost my business, my house, my wife, both my sons, my health and my dog. I sit here 10 years later still suffering from that eventful day. Everyday I hear the words "some fool woke me up".. Everyday I see his burned up body and images in my head. I recently wrote this article for another sub and got a lot of good advice. I haven't seen or talked to my wife and son but a handful of times in the past 10 years. I'm thinking about confronting them even now that I'm divorced and my son is married with a kid that I've never met. I need some type of closure so I can finally heal. How do I confront them and try to get them back in my life. Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie. I really miss younger son and want to be a part of my granddaughters life. _Relevant comments from OOP_ _Yes I spent several years in counseling and saw a psychiatrist. It helped some but the depression always came back. I have learned to live with it but I want my son back in my life. I'm not sure how to do it._ _I have messaged him dozens of times in past years. When I found out about medical school. When I found out he got married. When I found out he bought a house, had a child and on and on. He never answers me back._ [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/far_cry_212/comments/ziz1jb/update_my_wife_and_son_blame_me_for_my_oldest/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)   Dec 11, 2022 In my original post I mentioned that my son has barely spoken to me in ten years. Reading the overwhelmingly positive comments from Reddit I decided I was going to pursue mending those fences. One comment suggested that I write a letter and that's what I did. This is basically what I wrote. _Dear Kiddo_ _I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you for the man you have become. A father could not ask for more in a son. Considering that we have been through something that no one should ever have to go through. I am so happy that you have pushed through and are living your best life._ _I'm writing you to let you know that I have also pushed through forgiven myself and I'm going to start living my best life also. Enough pain has been caused by something I could not control. It kills me that I have missed so many important milestones and events in your life. I don't want to miss anymore._ _I am very happy that you are coming to your Aunt Carol's for Christmas. I hope that we get a chance to talk and to hopefully resolve some of the issues that have kept us apart. I miss you more than anything in this world. I miss taking off early from work and meeting you on the basketball court,the volleyball court, the football field, and the soccer field just us and the boys. You have always been the cause of the happiest days of my life. I pray that we can fix this._ _I can't wait to meet your wife, your stepson, and my granddaughter. And I can't wait to finally see you again._ _Love Dad_ WELL Reddit I hope that it opens an avenue into reconciliation. It's a start. The only possibly bad thing, i also just heard my ex might also be coming. _Comment from OOP_ _I sent the letter already. He should have it by now. I wouldn't and haven't tried any type of manipulation on him. I love him to much for that. I pray he is ready to talk in two weeks._ [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/far_cry_212/comments/zvkrt8/update_2_my_wife_and_son_blame_me_for_my_sons/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)   Dec 26, 2022 I haven't seen my son or my ex-wife for years. Since the last time I saw my son he has gotten the girl, got married, bought a house, and had a baby. They have blamed me for my son's death for the past 10 years. The party at my sister's house for Christmas was the first chance I have had to see him or her. To say I was nervous is and understatement. I could barely think straight. I arrived early at my sister's with my mom and aunt and tow. We helped prepare the food and arrange the gifts. My wife showed up a little early as well. She walked into the house and hugged everybody and then looked over at me and nodded. I nodded back. My son was running late because they were driving 5 hours. I went out outside and sat on the porch and that's when my son pulled up. My wife quickly walked out the door past me and walked out to his car. My son got out with his wife and daughter and hugged her and she helped him unload presents. I wasn't sure if I should walk up to him so I just stayed on the porch and waited for him to come in. He came walking up to the porch holding his daughter, one and a half years old. He looked up at me and said "Dad" and then walked on by and inside. He sat on the right side of the room with his family and I went and sat on the far left all the way across the room from him. I couldn't take my eyes off his daughter she was beautiful and full of life and my first grandchild. The party got going full speed and there was a full house packed with family. Everyone was talking and exchanging gifts and laughing and eating and it was a lot of fun. I stayed in my seat over on the far side of the room so I wouldn't crowd him or make him feel uncomfortable. Then my ex-wife from over by his side said to me "do you still have your hair". I just smiled and lifted my baseball cap to show her that I wasnt yet bald like the rest of the family. It was the first sign of life I had gotten. A couple hours into it and I could see that my son was staring at me. I figured he was mad at me for being there. Then he stood up and he walked over to me and stood there. So I stood up and we were almost face to face and I was waiting for him to say what he had to say and then I was going to leave. Instead he reached out and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug I've ever had in my life. Then he pushed over his cousins that were sitting next to me and made a spot for him to sit. And then we started talking and talking and talking. For the next 2 hours he caught me up on everything going on in his life. He said he missed me and that he was sorry that he hadn't been returning my calls. He told me that whenever he talked to me it reminded him of his brother and the way he died. It opened up the depression he had been fighting and felt like he was taken back to that day. He said it wasn't my fault but it was something that he had to deal with. In the middle of our conversation I looked around and there was not a dry eye in the room. Everyone knew what we had been through and what had happened to our relationship. I can't explain the feelings that was going through me and the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me. It was the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for. He went and got his daughter and came and sat her on my lap. He formerly introduced me and said she needs her granddaddy in her life. So I got to hold my granddaughter for the first time. Then his wife came up and he introduced her and we hugged and stared each other in the eyes for a minute. I told her I had heard a lot about her and that I was glad that she was with my son. A little while later my ex-wife came up to me and put her arm around me and told me that I look good. Then she went back to being ice cold and walked back over to her chair and never said another word to me. I also didn't try to speak to her. I can't begin to tell you all the joy I feel about having my son back. I'm planning to go visit in the next couple of weeks. And I'm going to visit as often as this life allows and going to be a part of my granddaughter's life no matter what. This has really changed my life and removed some of that guilt and bitterness that I've been living with for the past 10 years. I think things are going to be okay and that's all that matters. I want to thank you all for your comments and advice and support you guys really made a difference. When I first wrote my post I wasn't sure what to expect. I felt like you were going to roast me and that I deserved it. I got nothing but encouragement instead and good advice and just a little bit bashed. I'm so glad I wrote that article. And for the for the guy that suggested I write a letter I think that was what made the difference because he mentioned it and said he's been thinking about it for the past 2 weeks. So all in all thank you and I hope I can give some support in y'all's lives in the future. _Comment from OOP_ _I was expecting the worse so what I got was a blessing._ I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10o816f/oops_wife_and_son_blame_him_for_oldest_sons_death/

10o816f

TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Donthitsubmit3 **in** r/tifu   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bgvmdp/tifu_by_submitting_hardcore_furry_erotica_instead/) \- 24th April 2019 So, i'm currently a 4th year computer science student at a pretty respected university and was looking to graduate this semester. One of the classes I was taking was a class in modern advancements and trends in the field of technology. While the class didn't require to much heavy lifting it still was a higher level one and required a good amount of work. For our final, our professor had assigned us a 20-page research paper into a current or possible future technology of our choice within the field. I did my paper on helium-3 power generation. I worked my ass off on this paper and in the end was super proud of it. The papers were due last night at midnight and I held off on submitting my final draft till the end to get it as clean as possible. This is where I fucked up big time. Let me tell you a little about myself. I don't work a normal job. I tried it in my first year of school and I really didn't like it. I've worked internships when they came up but outside of that I really didn't “work”. This and being a student really doesn't mix well though. So, I had to make money some way. For the past 3 years I've gotten by on writing hardcore erotica on commission. Specifically, for furries. I would write anything. Any fetish, any premise, anything. In some parts of that community I became really popular. At one point I was making almost 2500$ on patreon along with the amounts I charged to my customers. Am I proud of this? No. I have written some really disgusting stuff; but it paid the bills and the money was too good to pass up. I told myself the minute I got a “real” job I was cutting and running from this work. Well, this brings us to last night. I had not gotten any sleep for the past few nights. I had multiple projects due that in the span of a few days. I was running on nothing but coffee and rockstar. I was nothing more than a walking corpse and wanted to do nothing but sleep. I ended up doing my last read over of my final paper and submitted it before sleeping. However, instead of submitting my final paper, I somehow submitted one of the commissions I was working on. This commission is not light either. It is almost 10 pages long and contains a variety of things including vore and scat. So, I went to bed. Submissions for the final locked and my academic career was sentenced to death then and there. When I woke up this morning I checked my grades for my other classes before noticing an email from my professor, all it says was to come to his office after class today. I want to fucking die right now. I don't know how I'm going to explain why instead of my final I submitted a hard core erotic story with a wolf man jacking off in a dragons stomach. But yeah, I fucked up big time. Tl:Dr: In my final semester at college. Instead of submitting my final research paper, I submitted hardcore furry erotica someone paid me to make. Professor “want's to talk” and I want to die. &#x200B; **UPDATE** Well, I just left his office and I still want to die. Not as much though. I took some advice from here and printed my paper out and had it with me. I won't lie, When I sat down with him I was already almost in tears from the stress and embarrassment. I guess he picked up on that because he tried to be as nice as possible and told me to calm down and just explain what happened. I ran down pretty much everything I said here. While he didn't agree with the avenue I was taking to make money he understood why I was doing it. He had checked the submissions last night after the deadline and my submission's name stuck out immediately (it was along the lines of "Customer\_Commission\_2nd draft.doc"). I've taken a class from him before and was an A student so he guessed I had submitted the wrong file on accident. He told me he read the first page and "realized it probably wasn't meant for him to read". I gave him the copy I brought and he accepted it. He told me to email him the file and he would replace the one I had submitted and that we would "pretend this never happened." He seemed to at least have a good sense of humor as he told me that what I had originally submitted was "well written at least" from what he read. Like I said. I still want to fucking die right now. At least he understood that i'm just an idiot and not malicious . Thanks I guess for the advice and helping me through the nervous breakdown.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10od9kz/tifu_by_submitting_hardcore_furry_erotica_instead/

10od9kz

Girl asks for help from reddit regarding being severely cyber-bullied

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**I am not OOP. OOP was** u/Fe_and_WINe. She posted in r/AskReddit 11 years ago. She has since deleted her account, so I hope she's doing ok and has moved on to wonderful things. Because of the subject matter, your fact to cover up spoilers is serious in nature. In 2019, approximately 37% of kids aged 12 to 17 reported being victims of cyber bullying. That increases to 50% of students a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Here are two resources if you (or someone you know) has been a victim of cyber bulling: [Source 1](https://childmind.org/article/help-kids-deal-cyberbullying/), [Source 2](https://www.stopbullying.gov/) **Trigger Warning:** >!bullying, threats of assault, threats of sexual assault, depression, mentions of suicide, homophobia, encouragement of suicide!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Action is taken (eventually) but still frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/qvgi5/the_cyber_bullying_has_gotten_to_the_point_where/)**: March 13, 2012** **Title:** The cyber bullying has gotten to the point where the school will not take any action unless I kill myself. Reddit- how do I get my story out and make this stop? I am not asking for therapy, but help in gaining momentum. Since the beginning of the school year, I have been harassed both in-person and online by the school's "bully". It is hard to use the word because almost everyone knows and loves him. I tried not to let it get to me, until it escalated. "Go kill yourself. No one would care if you died. Why aren't you dead yet?" This was said to me multiple times online, and in the middle of class. As a teenager dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, I could not laugh this off. I went straight to the office and demanded to see a vice principal. I was sobbing uncontrollably and visibly a danger to myself, but they just sat me down and had me fill out a form. I called my Dad, who cancelled his flight out-of-town to come be with me. He was furious that he was not called in a situation like this. We had a conference with the vice principal, and we were told there would be consequences if it happened again. It has been months. Multiple people have gone to the office with complaints about his bullying, and absolutely nothing has been done. Not so much as a detention. He is now attacking the leader of our school's GSA, members, and myself through twitter. Curiosity got the best of me, and I decided that I needed to go through his history to get hard evidence. Here are a few gems I found- some submitted by other people. There are actually over 20 screen shots. "Life has its ups, and you have the Downs. Please do us a favor, and fucking drown" -- A poem dedicated to Sarah. "I have AP Lit in the morning. Sarah, if you say a single word, you are getting choked" (I am the only person in the class who will participate in discussions without being forced). "I was to roofie Sarah" "Sarah has a boyfriend and I'm still single? Time to die" "Sarah for biggest slut. Go die" It is hard enough for me to want to be on this planet, and people are taking time out of their day to wish that I would die. I think this has passed what the school can do. They lost my faith when they didn't help everyone else who begged for some sort of relief after me. I live in Anne Arundel County. How can I get my story (and the others') out there so that we can see some real change before it is too late? TL;DR: The bullying isn't worthy of school attention unless I die. Edit: It's not just me. I have screen shots of him saying things about a TON of people who I am sure have no idea it exists. Going to bed for tonight! I will NOT let him stress me out to the point where I miss class. The other girl involved talked to people at PFLAG tonight, and they suggested board of education. I might show her this page later. Thank you everyone, and I will be back reading your suggestions and updating you on my progress on this yet-to-be-named operation. **(Editor's note- in case you're not aware, PFLAG is an LGBTQ+ organization)** ***Relevant Comments:*** *I used webarchive to find comments since this post is too old for unddit and she deleted her account.* *Did anything happen between them to start this?* "Nothing. We went from being casual friends to me being his next target. No fights, no anything. I was blindsided." "There is no context. He just wrote them. I do not have a twitter, nor does he know that I've seen his. He will just randomly post about me." *There are a lot of comments with advice, from suing to police involvement:* "There is definitely great emotional distress. I'm back on the anti-anxiety meds that I finally weened myself off after months of trying." "I'll discuss the police involvement with my Dad in the morning." "I know, but the last time I reported something like this (unrelated) to the cops, they did not do much for me, and that time was harassment with a threat to my safety. Not the same kid." "His parents know, and don't care. Usually, the school does SOMETHING. Even if it's just a 2 hour detention. I got that for being late to class once. This kid- nothing." *Try bantering back?* "I tried the banter thing with him. It only led to the teacher not taking his remarks seriously because she thought we were besties." *About what he said about the VP of the GSA (****Editor- Gay straight alliance or gender and sexualities alliance****):* "Seriously- the stuff he said to our Pres was just fucked up. He also called me a sassy dyke. I worry a bit about giving out the school though, as if they could get me in some sort of trouble." "I am sassy, but I am not a dyke. He knows my mother is gay, and I take offense to the word." *Someone says to pay someone else to beat his ass (classic reddit):* "He'll get his ass kicked eventually on his own. Apparently, the school thugs do not take mocking kids in wheelchairs lightly." "We have a kid at school that everyone loves who is in a wheelchair. The asshole just started harassing him about not being able to walk, and he almost got jumped. He then later tweeted about making fun of handicapped kids." *Someone seems to... shame her for threatening suicide?* "Suicide wasn't a threat. I would never use my suicidal thoughts as a threat. I cannot change how I feel, but I am getting better at controlling them. It wasn't so much that I was planning anything- I was afraid I would snap." *Good post about dad:* "I love him so much. He came with his suitcase in his hand and told me he wasn't leaving town until he knew I was okay. We then went out for slur-pees and he texted me bad jokes the rest of the week. I really lucked out in the parent department." **Update Same Post: March 14, 2012** (I found the date using webarchive: [Link](https://web.archive.org/web/20120315092216/http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/qvgi5/the_cyber_bullying_has_gotten_to_the_point_where/)) Edit 2: HOLY S%&\^ YOU GUYS! I get off my bus this morning, and I see an unusual amount of cops around the school. I find the group who was going with me into the office, and we sat in guidance, waiting for the counselor to see us all (There were about six of us). Next thing I know, someone asks me if I'm Sarah. They had been looking for this "Sarah" all morning, and had even called down another girl by the same name. I get taken into one of the counselor's rooms, and a BOOK of these comments is placed in front of me. She tells me that she has gotten a ton of emails, and that the page has been forwarded to several teachers and the principal. I was shocked. Thankfully, she was not upset about the emails, though some of them were a little nasty. I learn that my Principal has been up all night trying to deal with all of the emails she has been getting. Though she seemed a little mad at first, we quickly settled everything. I was taken into a room with the principal, the counselor, and an administrator to share my story again. I printed off every tweet and the cops collected any threatening ones. They might be able to do something about it, which is amazing, because I wasn't expecting it at all. I'm still shocked that many of the school officials were just now learning about this kid, but I know now that they know: every body knows. Nothing can happen immediately, but the process is starting and consequences will happen. I am slightly scared about the possible backlash, but I feel amazing knowing that even if people dislike me for it, I stood up for my own safety. I have a ton of support- both from you guys and my friends. Thank you everyone who sent an email (they kept mentioning some guy from Montana). There is no need anymore to contact the school or the county about this issue. I will be checking in every morning with the counselor, and she will give me a pass to see her if I ever feel like I'm being harassed over the next few days. You guys made this all happen overnight and sped up the process ten-fold! I don't think I can say thank you enough for helping me, and everyone else, finally deal with the school cyber bully. I love you, Reddit!!! **Later that day:** He has been suspended until the school decides what to do with him. Thank you for your support and emails, but **THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANYONE TO EMAIL THE SCHOOL ANY FURTHER!!!!** The matter is being taken seriously now, and everything can move a lot quicker if the school isn't being flooded with email and concern. I promise you, action has been taken. Thank you! ***Time Magazine wrote an article about this:*** [Article](https://newsfeed.time.com/2012/03/25/reddit-users-help-girl-take-action-against-her-bully/) **Edit-** thanks to u/fia-med-knuff for finding this [article](https://wjla.com/news/local/arundel-high-school-student-charged-with-harassing-classmate--74157). The bully was charged with harassment as a juvenile and released to his parents.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10oofje/girl_asks_for_help_from_reddit_regarding_being/

10oofje

I'm feeling a lot of anger toward my ex wife's affair child after being asked to be his father figure

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**Original Title: I'm feeling a lot of anger about this child\[M5\] of my\[M39\] wife's\[F39\] affair that I've been talked into being a father figure for.** ***This is a repost.*** [***The original post***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/im_feeling_a_lot_of_anger_about_this_childm5_of/) ***is by*** [***u/burnerexplosions***](https://www.reddit.com/user/burnerexplosions/) ***posted July 13th, 2019*** This post is about me \[M39\], my ex wife \[F39\], our two sons \[M7,M9\] and the affair my ex wife had that resulted in the end of our marriage as well as a third child, we’ll call Max \[M5\]. I’ve been thinking about posting something like this for a few days, I have to admit that reading the recent post by [u/throwawaynocollege01](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qdir8a/mom_had_an_affair_18_years_ago_i_18m_am_the/) is the thing that’s pushed me to sit down and try to type this out. I think that what I want to talk about is parenting stuff, but I’m going to start by talking about the affair and dissolution of our relationship. My wife confessed to the affair about a week after telling me she was pregnant. So, you know, a week I’d spent excited, about what I thought was going to be my child. Turns out, no. It was an emotionally pretty traumatic time. I might have been able to work through the infidelity but made the ultimatum that she had to end the pregnancy. She was philosophically opposed to abortion and I knew this. She stuck to her morals in that particular instance and so I initiated a divorce. She has since married her affair partner. Regarding custody of our sons, there was a period of more conflict and resistance, I took the boys in the initial period of Max’s infancy, and in the initial highly emotionally injured state I was in I sought full permanent custody, but I wasn’t likely to be successful and I was eventually persuaded that despite the breakdown of my relationship with her that it’s in my sons’ best interests to have their mother in their lives. Today, to the amazement of everyone else in my life, my ex and I remain co-operating partners in the parenthood of our children. For the last two years we’ve shared week to week custody of our two sons. This upcoming school year Max is going to be old enough to attend the same school. About a month ago I got sat down by my ex, her partner and all three boys and they all want Max to travel back and forth with the boys each week and effectively live with me 50% of the time. Seriously. There are some arguments for it, admittedly. The 3 boys are friends and brothers as much as I resent it, splitting them up regularly does seem like a weird sibling dynamic that could have poor consequences. I’m angry with my ex for broaching the topic with the boys before me, but it’s also an entirely reasonable thing for the boys to have an opinion on. I agreed. What was I supposed to say? No? Why Not? I can’t say “Because I hate that Max exists”. So, I said ok. I do hate him. I know he doesn’t deserve to be hated. I know he’s no more responsible for the circumstances of his conception than any of us. But knowing that doesn’t seem to matter. He’s a walking talking reminder of all the worst emotions that I’ve ever felt. I’m coming to end of his second week staying with us and the boys, we have moved him into my home and made space for him. I hate the sound of his voice. If he needs help in the kitchen, I am immediately annoyed with no good reason. I’m constantly angered by his limitations, limitations that are entirely in line with being a 5 year old, things I would never get angry with my sons over. I’m short tempered and just energized with this useless visceral anger. I feel like the last years of my life have been a carousel of humiliations and degradations. The only way I’ve been able to keep everything together is constantly repeating to myself that pragmatic argument that no matter how authentic my grievances are and no matter how justified I am in my anger, it doesn’t help me or my sons for me to devolve into an embittered rage hermit. Just hold my tongue, breath deep and force myself to do the thing that will actually help. So I remain in regular contact with their mother, and I talk to her politely, on the topics that I have to. Since recognizing that I don’t have the legal power to exclude him from my sons’ lives I have been cordial with Max’s father. That I’ve been able to do these things has been the only thing about myself worth feeling good about. But maybe it’s not worth feeling good about. Maybe I regret being civil. Because in Max’s presence that pragmatic argument is just not enough. It’s like all the anger I’ve set aside through sheer force of will returns at once and possesses me while I have to talk to him. I thought I was doing the right thing, but if I had remained combative and negative, I never would have ended up in this position. What do I do? I’m constantly thinking I want to back out, to say “no, I can’t do this, I’m sorry”. But how could I justify that? No one else in the situation will be happy with that. The boys certainly don’t understand why there would be a reason for them to be treated differently based on their parentage. My oldest has told me so explicitly, in a moment that made me feel both proud of him and ashamed of my own anger. Their mother and her partner would be upset. Part of me doesn’t care, and bitterly assumes they’re just trying to get some free time for themselves out of this, but I’m trying not to dwell on that. My ex makes good arguments that this is in the best interests of all of the children. But part of me just remembers how long she lied to me and how totally I trusted her in that time. It seems like the only thing to do is the same thing I’ve ever done, suck it up and get over myself and my anger. But if I do that, then I have to actually do that. Even if I’m being a responsible babysitter for Max right now, he deserves to live in a home where he is loved, not merely tolerated. Can I do that? Maybe I can’t do that. I’m scared of a path forward where I can’t work up the nerve to backout of this arrangement and consign myself to getting over it, and then I actually don’t get over it, but rather dwell ever angrier with how my life has turned out and take it out on the undeserving around me. &#x200B; ***IN THE COMMENTS*** [**Andraste47**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/comment/etp7t06/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Are they paying you for babysitting every other week so they can fuck all around the child-free house? You have a responsibility to provide for your children but Max is theirs and it's supremely fucked up for them to to this to you. They are both preying on your weakness to capitalize on free child care. I can guarantee you that spending 50% of his time with a person who hates him will do worse to Max than having to stay home with his parents while his brothers stay with their father. [**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/comment/etp81e1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Yes, the arrangement includes them regularly paying me a substantial and reasonable amount. We've been sharing most childcare expenses already. &#x200B; [**u/deleted**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/comment/etp84tl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Your ex is asking too much of you. You need to find a way to end this arrangement. Or at least take a break from it while you work through your emotions and figure out how best to move forward. It sounds like you never fully recovered from what your ex did. You should consider counseling or a psychologist for yourself. Max has done nothing wrong. He's a child. However, the circumstances of his arrival in this world ruined your life as you knew it. Having him around is a constant reminder of how your life was impacted. Now your ex is making you accommodate the results of her actions so that she can have her ideal family situation. No - you should not be trying to accommodate her. Your concern should be for your sons only. She needs to handle this herself. [**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/comment/etp8stm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Tell me about it, man. I just said in another comment that I wish I could go no contact with her. It's like despite all of anger and hurt I've not actually gotten over her and now I just have to regularly interact with her and watch her be happy and it just really sucks. &#x200B; [**wishingonmars**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cctm2u/comment/etp7l0l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) If you don't feel like you can adequately take in this child and not treat him any differently than your own children, I don't think you should do it. Yes, it might be weird for your boys that they are separated from their other brother at times, but ultimately that's not your fault. The boy deserves to be in a home where he is treated as equal to his brothers. Based on your feelings for him, I imagine that would be an incredibly difficult thing for you to do. I understand why 100%, he is a manifestation of the pain and problems you have suffered. You are clearly a very caring person for even being concerned about this, but you ultimately know what you are capable of. If you cannot have this boy in your home without resenting and hating him, you should not have him. That's not going to be healthy for anyone in the long run &#x200B; [***UPDATE***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cs9jip/updateim_feeling_a_lot_of_anger_about_this/) ***posted August 18th, 2019*** Hey everyone it's been a few weeks since you heard from me. I guess I'm kind of in a spot to update now. So, my post got a lot of feedback and it was *pretty much* unanimous. I heard from lots of people; parents and sons and daughters in blended families, people who'd been cheated on themselves, people who were Max in their own families and you all told me what I should have been able to admit myself, that this was not normal, that no one had ever heard of an arrangement like this. I resolved to end the arrangement and met with my ex wife and her partner to tell them a few days after I posted, midway through their custody week. Many people advised me to speak to my boys about it first, like my ex did to me, but I wanted to deliver the message before having to take Max again. I was thinking that it might be better to instead call them out on that behaviour and try to get them to agree not to include the boys in that level of discussion before me, and then we could all sit down with the boys. The meeting did not go well. They were both pretty mad at me. I had tried to prepare for it to be uncomfortable. I told myself just to be polite and firm, that I didn't owe them an explanations beyond "I'm sorry, its not working out". I guess he had made some career move based on this schedule that I was fucking up. In hindsight I do feel sort of responsible for that frustration, in that I regret agreeing to this arrangement in the first place, but in the moment I really was not giving a fuck about this man's work life balance. Then, he said something about how I wasn't being "fair", that they just wanted a "fair" custody arrangement. That made me very mad. Thinking about this all to type it out has my heart hammering. I have some different opinions on "fairness". I said some pretty shitty, regrettable things to both of them and then we were all screaming at each other for awhile and then I stormed out and I didn't talk to the boys. I didn't get to talk to my boys for several days until hand off. They immediately were asking about why Max wasn't with them and I, prepared for it, held a more serious talk with them than I had up to this point. I talked about how its great that they enjoy spending time with Max, but that I'm their father and that Max has his own father to spend time with. I also talked about how this whole spectacle of our lives is difficult for me, that I don't like having to spend only every other week with them. That their mother's decision to start another family with Max's father and Max still makes me sad. This is pretty awfully difficult stuff to talk about. I've been pretty strict with myself about not venting to my son's about their mother up until now, but effectively that's meant I haven't really talked about her or our breakup at all. If you can't say anything nice, as they say. Trying to maintain that respect for their mother and also talk frankly about my own feelings is a difficult tightrope balance. I don't want to blame their mother, but I also don't want to *not* blame their mother, if you know what I mean. This would be one of the situations I identify as "unfair", where the responsible thing is to never say anything disparaging or "poisonous" to my sons about their mother, my ex, but that means I have to describe the current state of affairs and what has happened to get here in a way that isn't disparaging to their mother and act like this is normal. "She decided". I think I actually did a good job navigating the conversation. My sons absorbed it easier than I expected. A few weeks later and things with them are basically normal. I have had a few short conversations with my ex since our big embarrassing blowup. I sort of feel like I want her to apologize for this whole thing, but also know that I'm not doing myself any favours waiting for that to happen. I think she remains upset with me, more for the things I said than the rejection of this arrangement with Max. Or maybe that's just projection, because that's what I feel guilty for. I also regret that the last time I spoke to Max was dropping him off before ending the arrangement. I don't know. I guess his mom has explained to him that she missed him too much, to have him gone each week, but I don't know how sturdy that story will be. Rereading my last post has me feeling pretty shameful of how I talked about Max. I know he doesn't deserve my sustained ire and that he's not going anywhere, so I'll have to be able to adjust to his presence. I'm obviously holding on to a lot of anger that is really about my ex wife but she isn't obligated to give a shit about that and I am obligated to interact with her politely so I guess that anger just got set aside and then vented onto Max just because he was there in my face, but that was my own fault. So, I sort of expect things will pretty much return to normal from here. Contact with my ex is curt right now, but that'll loosen up. Thanks to almost everyone who commented or reached out to me.

SomaliMN

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10p4ove/im_feeling_a_lot_of_anger_toward_my_ex_wifes/

10p4ove

OOP - I'm pregnant and I'm going to get an abortion.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Local_Middle8134 **in** r/offmychest   trigger warnings: >!Abortion, graphic description of medical procedure !<   [**I'm pregnant and I'm going to get an abortion.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y5ygmc/im_pregnant_and_im_going_to_get_an_abortion/) \- 17th October 2022 I've never wanted kids. Not when I was growing up, not when I got married, and certainly not now. We don't have the time, money, or space for a baby. I don't have well enough mental health for a baby. I'm in school and I work full time and I don't want to give up my dreams for a baby. I just don't want it. I don't want to be pregnant and see my body morph. I don't want to push something out of me. I don't want to be up all night. I don't want to have to be responsible for another living thing. I just don't. So I'm taking what little money i have and i am solving the problem.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yh1141/update_im_pregnant_and_im_going_to_get_an_abortion/) \- 30th October 2022 To begin: Yes, I am on BC, we do use condoms, and when necessary, Plan B. Every precaution to prevent this situation was taken, as this is not something I want. Did I talk to my husband? Yes I did. Did i have to? No, because it's not his decision. If he wants a child, he can find someone who is willing to go through a pregnancy and have a baby and deal with all of the issues that come with it. Not every woman in the world wants to be a mother and it's not our job to fucking populate this planet. Lastly, before I get to the update, I DO NOT GIVE ONE FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR RELIGION.OK? I don't care what god you do or don't believe in, what book you read, or what gospel you preach. You have the right to what you believe in but respectfully, you can fuck right off and quit trying to shove that rhetoric down other people's throats. update: I did get the abortion. I went where it was safe and legal to do so. Here's what happened: I went to the appointment and filled out paperwork, a bunch of safety questions to ensure that i wasn't being forced, and then they FORCED me to look at the ultrasound, where they pointed out where my little thing was and told me by how high my hormones were and how far along i was that it was most likely TWO little clumps of cells inside of me and then made me sit for two hours to make sure I didn't change my mind. I don't think this is something that is ethical or moral to do, but they did. I could not afford anesthesia. Then they took me back and told me that the procedure would just be uncomfortable, a push here, a poke there. To breathe through it. That is not how it went AT ALL. First of all, they had to feel my cervix and she shoved her fingers into me and pushed really hard. Then put cranked me open as wide as she could. While she was doing that the other doctor started pushing super hard on my stomach while doing the ultrasound. She said "you'll feel a poke" right as she shoved a needle into my cervix and it hurt so bad. Before the medication even had time to circulate, they shoved a dilation rod into my cervix to open me up, before pushing the other device into me to actually complete the procedure. The pain was indescribable while that thing was inside of me and I heard when my clump of cells was suctioned out of me. "You're doing great, you're almost done" is what they said as the pain reached a 20/10. as soon as it was finished, i threw up everywhere. and cried. and cried some more. The doctor asked me why I was crying. Duh, it fucking hurt and it was traumatic and a horrible experience entirely. When I finally got home, I cried. I cried because I was in pain and I cried because of how traumatic this entire situation was and I cried because at the end of the day, this agency and LAWS made it incredibly so much harder to complete what was already a difficult decision. I think that it is unfair that politicians are trying to make this process even harder to complete, for people who have been raped, abused, or victims of incest. This was so traumatizing as a MARRIED, LOVED, ADULT woman. I feel for the millions of women that are suffering because of the men trying to control their bodies. I feel for the babies and children and adults being forced to carry babies. This was awful and I am so sorry to all of these women. For those going to ask: I do not regret my decision. This was right for me, regardless of anyone else.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10p8qys/oop_im_pregnant_and_im_going_to_get_an_abortion/

10p8qys

OOP discovers his wife is having an affair when he is called in by the police for questioning involving the assault of her lover.

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**I am not OP. Original posts are by u/ThrowRA0010012345 in r/relationship_advice** mood spoilers: >!dismal, unpleasant, trash world!< cw: >!substance abuse, cheating, extreme violence, and child abuse!< ___ [**I'm completely lost because I just found out that my (42m) wife (36f) of 12 years has been having an affair from the police who called me in for questioning involving the assault of her lover**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kcdsyt/im_completely_lost_because_i_just_found_out_that/) - 12/16/2021 I don't know what I'm doing right now. I don't know if this is the right sub or even if I should be posting this but I don't have a clear mind right now and I'm here to ask for some direction. I've been married to my wife for 12 years. We have an amazing 11 y/o son. Until last night I thought we had a good marriage. I thought I was always really good to her. We have no money problems, no intimacy problems, and I have never taken her for granted. I honestly wake up every morning and thank God she is my wife. Now I don't know what to think. I got a call from my local PD as I was getting off work yesterday. They asked if I could come to the police station as soon as possible. I panicked, I asked if something had happened to my wife or son but they said not to worry just get to the station asap. When I got their they put me in a room with a table and some chairs. They asked me my name which I gave, then they started asking all these questions about a guy my wife works with. I haven't seen or spoken to this guy literally since December 2019 at my wife's company Christmas party. The two officers kept asking me things like "how long have you known" and "how did you find out". The only answer I could give was "what are you talking about?" After about an hour of this I just stopped answering their questions and kept asking where my son and wife were and were they safe. We just kept going around and around until after about 2 hours on and off because they would periodically leave the room for 15 to 20 minutes then come back and start it all over again like some cheap cop show. The last time they came in the cop handed me a tablet and showed me a video of my wife and the guy from her work having sex. I don't remember much right after that, I just remember screaming What the f is this over and over again. I had a full blown panic attack right there in the middle of the police station. The police had a paramedic check me out and he said my blood pressure was something like 170/110. He wanted me to go to the hospital but I refused, and said I needed to find my wife and my son. After I calmed down the officers explained that the guy in the video had been having an affair with my wife, and apparently several other women. He had been found that morning in his driveway beaten, raped, and set on fire. He was still alive but in critical condition and they didn't know if he would make it. His wife had given them permission to go through his phone and computer and that's where they found the video of my wife. They asked me where I was that morning and I told them the gym, then work about 10 minutes from my gym. At that point they said I could go, but that I might not want to stay at my house because they didn't know if his affair with my wife could be why he was attacked. They also said my wife wasn't the only person he was having an affair with. That's when I rushed home. My son was staying with our neighbors, so I got him and went home. We packed some clothes, and his laptop for school. I grabbed my gun and we headed to my parents house 45 minutes away. I still haven't heard from my wife. Her phone is going straight to voice mail. I've called the officer who gave me his card and he said she is at the hospital with the guy she's been cheating with. I am sitting here in bed with my son on one side of me and my .38 on the other. My dad is sleeping in his chair in the living room with a shotgun across his lap, and I've not slept in over 30 hours. I don't even know where to start. Anything would be helpful right now, any advice or ideas. I am in a fog. ___ [**Update: I'm completely lost because I just found out that my (42m) wife (36f) of 12 years has been having an affair from the police who called me in for questioning involving the assault of her lover**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kiyn94/update_im_completely_lost_because_i_just_found/) - 12/22/2021 I attempted to post this on Saturday 12/19 but it didn't go through, and I got blocked from reposting because I asked a "yes/no" question anyway here it is again. I am working a bit so I may not be able to reply that much right now. My original post was removed but a lot of people messaged me and asked for an update. I thought I would fill everyone in on what has happened this week, because the replies I got helped me so much. I really feel like I owe this community a big Thank You for helping me get my head on straight, and pointed me in the right direction to get everything done as fast as possible. For those people who said my post was fake, my only reply is I wish, from the bottom of my heart, it was. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. For those who said they couldn't find a news story, apparently due to the nature of the attack a lot of information was withheld. Even our local news outlets only reported it as an "assault" and it was nothing more than a blurb on our nightly news. For those who implied or directly stated "The police wouldn't do that" you are 100% wrong, because they did. I found out from my lawyer that police can literally do or say anything they want (especially if you aren't under arrest) short of direct threats of harm. That includes lying directly to your face, which they did. It turns out my wife wasn't at the hospital with her lover when I contacted the detective, she had been admitted to that hospitals psychiatric facility much earlier in the day, while he was still in surgery. I don't know why they would lie about that, but they did. Needless to say this situation has caused me to become very suspicious of law enforcement. After I woke up that afternoon I contacted my uncle's law partner who is a family friend. He actually came to my parents house and sat down with me to go over my options. His entire law firm is now representing me, both in the divorce and criminal defense. That day (Sunday) he got me an emergency custody order and a protective order against my wife for me, my son, and my parents. Our court date is in 60 days. The police served her on Monday as she was leaving the psych hospital. According to her brother, who is a close personal friend of mine, she did not take it well. She is staying with her parents for the time being. I still haven't talked to her, and she hasn't made any attempt to speak to me either, whether that's due to shame, indifference, or the order of protection I don't know, but I'm glad of it all the same. My wife is not the person I thought she was, and I'm ashamed of myself for not see it sooner. I had to tell my son something, so I decided to tell him the truth (age appropriate), and literally the first words out of his mouth was, "please don't let mommy take me away." I asked him why he would say that, and from what he tells me, my wife has been treating him very badly when I wasn't around, and told him, if he told me, she would take him away and my son would never see me again. She has been emotionally torturing our son, and I was too blind to see it. That wrecked me more than the video to be honest. I told the lawyer about what my son said, and he used my son's statement and her mental state and commitment to get the emergency custody. I have contacted his school for therapy resources, and he will start therapy after the first of the year. I feel like the worst father to ever walk the face of the earth at this point. As for our families. Her parents contacted me Tuesday and asked to come see us. I was still at my parents at the time, and I told them they could come, but she was not allowed anywhere near us. They agreed. They were so apologetic, and her poor mother didn't stop crying the entire time she was with us. Her father was heart broken and kept referring to my wife as "that girl." They both said they felt like something was going on with her, and they did not raise her to be this way. We hugged and cried before they left, and I told them they will always be a part of our lives no matter what happens with the divorce. After what my son told me, their visit was the hardest part of our whole ordeal. My lawyers have been doing amazing work so far. They found out that the man my wife was sleeping with has a long criminal record. One of the lawyers informed me that when they went to print out the guys arrest record the printer ran for 5 minutes straight. From what they could learn he is currently on parole for drug offenses, and has had gang affiliations in the past. He is still alive but in critical condition, and still may not make it. The firm has an investigator who contacted the co-worker who drove my wife to the hospital. The coworker informed them that my wife's affair was an open secret around the office. My lawyers think that's how the police figured out who I was, and who my wife was in the video. There are several photos of last years Christmas party at her work, and my wife and I are in several of them. That's where I currently am in this whole situation. I am just numb, still lost, and heart broken. How long does the numbness last, and is their anyway to get past this emotional lethargy faster? I mean really numb, like a dream. Everything I've just said has felt like its happening to someone else. Edit: got the date wrong _______ [**Update 2 and Questions: I'm completely lost because I just found out that my (42m) wife (36f) of 12 years has been having an affair from the police who called me in for questioning involving the assault of her lover**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l9oknq/update_2_and_questions_im_completely_lost_because/) - 01/26/2022 Sorry for the Novel, but I just needed to vent and get this week off my chest. TL;DR: Found out wife was cheating from cops questioning me about the assault of the guy she was cheating with. Divorcing, now she claims she has substance abuse problems and asks for another chance. I feel like an idiot for not seeing it when we were together. I will start off again by saying Thank You to everyone who replied to both my original post and my update. This sub really did help me so much. If I didn't respond to you directly I'm sorry but I got so many messages I can't keep up with them all. First, my son is doing so much better. He started therapy the first week of Jan. and the difference is already noticeable. I asked him if he felt comfortable with me talking to his therapist and he said yes, so I've had a few discussions with her. According to the therapist my stbx would verbally and emotionally abuse our son whenever they were alone together. He was not allowed to make noise or "bother" her in any way when he was home. She would leave him alone for hours on end, and even over night if I was out of town. She would then threaten him with being "taken away and never see me again" if he told me or anyone else. The therapist said this has made him feel powerless, and dependent in a time in his development that she should actually be feeling empowered and self reliant. So to that end I have bought him his own phone, and helped him memorize family members phone numbers, and as many addresses as are relevant. I've also been teaching him situational awareness, to pay attention to street names and how to read addresses on buildings. We've also role played how to ask people for help. How he can clearly explain to strangers that he's in trouble, and he doesn't feel safe. I know this may sound silly but my son can be a bit introverted and shy when he doesn't feel comfortable. Even though we've only been doing this for a few weeks, I can see that its really building his confidence. Any suggestions on how to continue to build his self reliance would be really helpful. His safety and well being is still my number one concern right now. As for myself, I'm doing as good as can be expected. I started therapy around the same time as my son, and although I don't speak to my therapist as much as he does it has helped to be able to talk through my thoughts and feelings about everything that has happened to us and our family. The numbness is gone but it was replaced by a white hot ball of anger in the pit of my stomach whenever I think of my stbx and what she's put our family through. Funny enough, although I hate feeling angry, its a lot easier to deal with than the numbness. My therapist says this is part of the grieving process and it's not how we feel but how we channel those emotions that matter. My legal situation, well I'll be honest is the scariest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. I was awarded temporary full custody, and child support (which I didn't want but my lawyer pretty much demanded we ask for) as well as a continuation of the order of protection for myself and my son. At the "request for an order" hearing (which neither my wife nor her lawyer showed up to), the judge asked if we would allow supervised visitation, but my son absolutely refused (which was why my lawyer told me to bring him along.) The judge asked my son if he would speak to him alone, and he agreed. The judge, stenographer, and a child welfare officer went into chambers with my son and met for about 10 minutes. After their meeting, the judge granted the temp orders and ordered therapy and psychological evaluation for my son. Luckily the therapist he is seeing is somehow involved with, or accredited to work with the courts so he doesn't have to see another therapist. My lawyer said this is a good thing because it means his therapist can give a recommendation for custody. But it still scares the hell out of me that she could get some form of custody after what she put him through. As for the AP. I don't know much. From what my lawyer's have gathered he's alive but still in the hospital. I haven't heard from the police since my initial interview, so nothing new to report there. As for my stbx, I still hadn't seen her since the day I was questioned until Thursday. She has attempted to call me a few times but I haven't answered, and when she called from another number I hung up immediately. I have nothing to say to her, and I don't want to hear anything she has to say to me. Her lawyer requested a preliminary hearing for our court appointed mediation. She was served the second week of January. She was there with her lawyer, and I know this will sound petty, but even with the mask she looked bad. My stbx was always an attractive and athletic woman. I swear in our wedding photos she looks like a super model, but now, well she's lost so much weight its disturbing. She looked sick and frail. She didn't even look at me, she just set with her face down through most of the meeting. Long story short, everything they asked for was ridiculous. They wanted visitation during the divorce proceedings and shared custody after. They want us to drop the OPs. She wants to cohabitate until the divorce is finalized (I'm not joking, after all this she wants to live in the same house.) It was so insulting that my head throbbed through the whole meeting. But it was all worth it for the big reveal we gave to her lawyer. Her lawyer asked how we should handle discovery for the division of assets, to which my lawyer got this shocked look on his face and said, "What division of assets? Read the prenup." The look on her lawyers face was PRICELESS! She hadn't told her lawyer about the prenup. My late uncle, who was the founding partner of the law firm I use, wrote that prenup and actually hired her a lawyer to look over it for her before we married. According to my lawyer its a thing of beauty because we never mixed finances (per my uncle's instructions.) The house we live in was a gift to me from my uncle before we married. All the utilities and insurances are in my name. All the vehicles are registered in the owners name only. And we never had to sign for any debt for each other. We have one shared savings account that is used for household maintenance and an emergency fund. It has around $8,000 dollars in it, which she has already drained. There is less than $300 in it now. The prenup states that all marital assets and debt are to be divided 50/50 and ownership of all intangible assets and personal debt reverts back to the individual who accrued it. The adultery clause simply states that we agreed that if either party is caught or admits to committing adultery they lose the right to claim any form of spousal support. There's a lot more to it than this but my lawyer assures me that trying to break this prenup will be damn near impossible, because it is the most fair prenup he's ever read. But the last thing her lawyer asked for was what has really messed with me. He asked that we postpone the official mediation for 6 months while my stbx attends an in-patient rehabilitation facility for substance abuse. Some people in both my last posts stated that she might have a substance abuse issue, but I didn't even think about it, because I couldn't even fathom that. I talked to my lawyer and he said that we would discuss it and get back with them about our decision on that. Before we left my stbx spoke, literally for the first time and asked me to read a letter she had written me. My lawyer gave me the "this could be a snake so be careful" look, and I debated with myself for a moment but decided to take it. When I got home I read it, and now I wish I hadn't. It started off with all those busted cheater platitudes that everyone warned me about. "I love you", "I love our family", "I know I mistreated (son), and I hate myself for it", "I want 'us' again". But she did explain that after a major surgery she had about 2 years ago, she started abusing her medication. After a while she started buying them from some of the people she worked with, including AP. He became her go-to guy, and when she ran out of money she started sleeping with him to make up the difference. She said she hid this from me because she was afraid I would make her stop, and she couldn't feel "right" without them anymore. That he meant nothing to her but a "fix", and she hates herself for doing what she's done both to herself and to us. Now she says she understands how awful what she's done is and wants to get better for our family, and asks me to at least give her some time to prove she wants this. Let me state, for the record, I will never get back with my wife. Our marriage was over them moment she cheated on me, and abused our son, but damn, where the F was I while all this was going on? I just feel like the most naive, obtuse idiot to ever walk the earth. And furthermore, how should I approach this from here? Am I just throwing her away, or am I still justified in feeling betrayed? I feel like such a failure as a husband and a father right now. I mean I feel nothing for her but anger and resentment, but is this how you treat someone fighting the demons she's fighting? I'm just lost and feel so hopeless again. Anyway, any advice would be much appreciated here. ____________ **I am not the OP of these writings. This is a repost sub**

SmurfyX

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10posyu/oop_discovers_his_wife_is_having_an_affair_when/

10posyu

OOP seeks Reddits help to reproduce a dish that their late Mom used to make.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/outfoxedagain **in** r/recipes &#x200B; **My mother passed away. There is a dish she used to make that I have been craving, and I'm not sure how to make it. I remember some of the ingredients she used. Can someone help me figure out how to reproduce it?**   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/recipes/comments/yhgsh/request_my_mother_passed_away_there_is_a_dish_she/) \- 20th August 2012 I am a pretty competent cook, so don't worry about that bit. I just want to know if this dish sounds familiar, so someone can fill me in on the parts I don't remember. It's a chicken dish made with flat chicken cutlets. I think she used to hammer them a bit with a kitchen mallet, dredge them in flour, and pan fry them in a little butter so they would brown nicely. The sauce is the part I am a little lost about. She used white wine (probably chardonnay) and sour cream, that part I am sure of. There were canned peaches too, which were slightly browned and served on top. I'm sure there was something more to it than that, any thoughts? The flavor was tangy, not particularly sweet except for the peaches, and the sauce was opaque and kind of a beige color. Does this sound like a dish you are aware of? While her food was great, her dishes were usually pretty simple. It is likely that this is not something she invented herself, but it might be something that she simplified. Does anyone know what this is or what it is called so I can look it up and try and get it right? She used to serve it with grilled zucchini brushed with garlic butter. Thank you. Edit -- I am blown away with how helpful and kind you all have been. I have taken little hints from each of your posts and a lot of them have jogged my memory. I think some sort of composite from these suggestions will produce something close. I am going to try to make it when I have the chance, and I will update when I do. Thank you, reddit. <3   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/recipes/comments/yu81x/update_on_my_late_mothers_long_lost_chicken_recipe/) \- 26th August 2012 My mom passed away a few years ago. I needed help trying to recreate a chicken recipe of hers that I have been craving, because I could only remember a few ingredients. You amazing people of r/recipes came through and gave me so many wonderful suggestions. With a mix of all your advice, I made it tonight. I was nervous as I was putting it together. I felt like there had to be something more to it, but I went with using just the ingredients I knew (as suggested by Ethril). I felt like there was something I was forgetting. Something about brown specks in the sauce. I went with it anyway, and figured I would know what to add at the end by taste. I took chicken cutlets and hammered them flat. Dredged in flour and sauteed in butter (high heat). I burned the butter a little. I remembered my mom saying that butter is the one thing that is ok to burn (as long as it is not smoking furiously) so I left it alone, and smiled at the memory. I was pleased to see the chicken brown to the color I remember. When I flipped the chicken I added the zucchini spears and browned those too. When the chicken was done (just a couple minutes) I set it aside and covered it in tinfoil to keep it warm, then turned the zucchini and browned the peaches in the same pan. It only took a few minutes to brown everything and when the zucchini and peaches were done I put them aside with the chicken. I deglazed the empty pan with chardonnay. My mom wasn't a big wine person, so I went with the cheapest they had. I suddenly remembered that sound the wine would make when it hit the hot pan, a huge hiss. Mom used to tell me to step back before she poured it in, because it would splash a little. I felt like I was nine years old again. I added three big dollops of sour cream and dissolved it in the hot wine. I didn't know what I was going to do next, this was all I had planned. Then I saw the little brown flecks come up. It was that burned butter! I just about cried. I tasted it, and suddenly in my mind I was standing in her kitchen as a kid watching her cook. This was it. It was that simple. I added a couple spoonfuls of the liquid from the canned peaches to take away a little of the wine's tartness, and the sauce was perfect. Just like she used to make. Keep in mind that I am no food stylist, but I assure you that this tasted 10x better than it looks: [http://i.imgur.com/Qgk6u.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/Qgk6u.jpg) The whole thing took less than 20 minutes to make. And I fucking nailed it. Thank you so, so much reddit! You brought me back, and I love you. The smell is still lingering in the house.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10q3til/oop_seeks_reddits_help_to_reproduce_a_dish_that/

10q3til

A student with a BIP destroyed my room

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/Tcu00 in r/Teachers A glossary of education acronyms: BIP: Behavior Improvement Plan, a plan to deal with behavior of students who have severe behavior issues in class SRO: School Resource Officer, a police officer assigned to a school for security 504: a plan for addressing students with disabilities in class, students may have physical disabilities or learning disabilities like dyslexia ESE: Exceptional Student Education, class for students with learning disabilities IEP: plan for how to adjust teaching to accommodate students with learning disabilities LRE: least restrictive environment, students with disabilities are supposed to be placed in regular ed classroom whenever possible so they're not isolated from other students P = Principal AP = Assistant Principal BS = Behavior Specialist J = The Student Trigger Warning: >!Physical violence!< Mood Spoiler: >!pretty satisfying ending!< [A student with a BIP destroyed my room and some of my personal items.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xcqa53/a_student_with_a_bip_destroyed_my_room_and_some/) September 12, 2022 I'm so sad. At the risk of losing my anonymity, my classroom is very well decorated. It's all super hero themed with lots of stuff I've collected from toy conventions and places like Dave and Busters. Then I have a college corner where I have my own grad stuff and college info. I have a student we'll call J. He has a BIP and a 504 for emotional outbursts. He has a permanent hall pass he's allowed to use whenever he feels an outburst coming, but he refuses. If he gets annoyed, he'll scream or hit things. Today was a pretest for elements of fiction. It's scored, but not graded. He got mad at his score so he punched the computer. The screen has dead pixels now. I tried to talk to him but he screamed, walked over to my desk and started ripping all my handouts. Then he punched my tin super hero signs and knocked my super hero cups off the shelf so they shattered. I called security to remove J. While I was on the phone, he ran over to the college corner and ripped my gown and bent my cap. Then he just randomly hit whatever he could until the SRO dragged him out. The saddest part? None of the other kids were shocked. This is the 5th time security has removed J from my room for punching things. This is 7th grade but J is twice my size. At least some of the other kids told me they'll hold him back if he ever hits me, so there's that. I spent my afternoon cleaning up my broken stuff and crying, knowing that I'll have J again tomorrow. [Redditor:](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xcqa53/a_student_with_a_bip_destroyed_my_room_and_some/io6ueft) >Time to get this young man out of your room. This is NOT the appropriate setting for his disability. I say this because your description sounds very much like a gen ed room. They need to reevaluate the BIP and the 504 and get him an IEP. I would go to the special ed teacher and see what they suggest( they may know the best way to get things changed and IEP started).. and the admin and request he no longer be in the room. Honestly, a safety issue for you and the gen ed students in the room. Not acceptable. I am sorry you lost or had so much destroyed. I wonder how his parents might feel if you make up a receipt for the damages incurred?? [Redditor:](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xcqa53/a_student_with_a_bip_destroyed_my_room_and_some/io6plkj) >This bothers me so much. Maybe it’s not the take I should have, but if a student is prone to this kind of outburst, the regular ed classroom is not an appropriate placement. I understand ideas of least restrictive environment and such, but I’m so tired of students like this being pushed into inappropriate settings to the detriment of every other student and teacher in the room. Where are the parents who are willing to question this and push back for the learning environment of their kids? Where is the concern for the safety and education of every other person in that room? >I’m sorry you have to deal with this. [UPDATE: A student with a BIP destroyed my room and some of my personal items.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xfypiz/update_a_student_with_a_bip_destroyed_my_room_and/) September 16, 2022 First of all - WOW! I was not expecting that sort of support! I am so grateful. You all gave me the courage to advocate for change when I otherwise wouldn't have. Some maybe relevant background info is that I came to this country when I was 13 and the trip did a lot of damage to my ability to feel courageous, especially when standing up for myself. I'm trying to get better, but I still get scared easily. Anyway, this all happened on Monday. I went in Tuesday and asked my AP if J could go somewhere else for my class until we have a meeting after school. He agreed. J worked in the library. I had a meeting after school with AP and explained everything to him. AP had no idea it was this bad, nor that it was so physical. He called P into the meeting. Apparently, BS has been downplaying the episodes that involve the kids with BIPs, and this has become an issue. BS is now being closely mentored/coached for transparency and honesty in reporting concerns. Things have been broken in other classes by J and a student in art class had paint thrown on her by J. The admins knew nothing about any of this. As for my things, P and AP are making it right. They contacted Josten's to order me a new cap and gown, and AP's wife (who loves to sew) is going to put on the college emblem and my year on it. That's way fancier than my old one! For the rest, they asked me to itemize it and give them a dollar amount to add to my next check (tax-free) as a reimbursement. Today, they came by my room with a gift card to Dave and Busters and told me "have your husband win back anything else." (In a playful way). As for J, he has been put in an ESE room for now for art, history, and English. He struggles with more "creative classes" because he gets tripped up on "being right." There is a meeting next week to determine evals for his long term placement. I don't hate him or resent him in any way. I want the best for him and I know my classroom wasn't the right place for him. Thank you to everyone here! **Reminder, I'm not OOP**

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10q4l4u/a_student_with_a_bip_destroyed_my_room/

10q4l4u

I told my wife I’m not going on family holiday with her family

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Originally posted by u/zombiefine3427 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 18, '23, updated in the comments around Jan 19th and Jan 20th. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10fjw4t/i_told_my_wife_no_im_not_going_on_family_holiday/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I told my wife no, I’m not going on family holiday with your family. I always put my wife and her family first. I moved to my wife’s hometown because she wanted to be closer to hers. Now her family and mine are total opposites. I’m an only child, She’s the eldest of 3. My extended family is 4 people including me, hers is 30+. My family are introverted and don’t drink, hers are super extroverts and booze whenever they can. My parents are disabled, hers are healthy. Honestly my family are “boring” and hers are “fun” and I’ve gotten used to it and it’s horrible to say but because of being around them so much I prefer hanging out with her family than I do my own. I always do what she wants. I’m a pushover but “happy wife happy life”right? Even if it’s something I don’t want to do I do it to make her happy. First dance at our wedding? Terrified and I didn’t want to do one. I don’t like being the centre of attention. She cried and I caved in. Christmas? Her family is large so have a big fun party on Christmas Day and mines small and boring so she doesn’t want to be there. Where to live? She wanted to be close to her family so now mines a 3 hour drive away and I hardly see them except for birthdays. Well this year it’s her Grandmas 70th, her mums 50th and my 30th birthday so her family have planned a huge family holiday of 25+ people to be away for 3 weeks to celebrate everyone’s birthdays. The catch is its not on anyone’s birthday except mine, we’d fly home 1 day after my birthday. Obviously my parents want to see me on my 30th and have said they’re upset because as usual I’m pandering to her family as always and they’re being left out again. I want to spend time with my family especially as I only really see them on birthdays, I’m used to their boringness but to do that apparently I’m ruining her family trip. But if I go on the trip I’m putting my family second again and further damaging that relationship. My parents are older and disabled and my Gran has early onset dementia, so they don’t have much time in comparison to hers. We can’t get a shorter holiday, we can’t go at another time of the year because of work and school commitments. So I told her no. For the first time ever I told her “No. I’m not going. You can but I’m staying here. I’m an adult I want to spend my birthday with my family”. To which she replied “I am your family” then stormed off and she’s not taking it too well. She’s acting like a spoilt child; crying, screaming, calling her mum to say she can’t go now because I’m not going, so now her family think I’m a massive dick and none of them can see that I have another side to my family. She’s packed a bag since I started writing this and she says she’s going to stay at her mums until I can make up my mind what’s more important my family or hers. I have no idea what to do. I just needed to vent. **Update 1** Update: Wow, I only wanted a place to vent didn’t expect such a response. Just to clear a few things up. I love my wife and I’m not going to divorce her over this. She does so much for me and is normally a kind and loving person. We’ve been together 6 years married 18 months. We don’t have kids but are trying. We live in the UK and the reason why we can’t go at any other time is because of the UK laws on taking children out of school during term time for holidays so it’s been planned during the autumn break so the parents don’t get fined. I woke up this morning to the following text from her mum: “Do you know how disappointed I am in you right now! It’s not even that you’re not coming away for my birthday it’s the fact that you’re not supporting my daughter, you know how important family is to her! End of..u know how much she wants to come, and u telling her to go on her own is not being supportive, you’ve put a full stop to it all. I don’t get what your issue is? It’s one thing then another? And she can’t do right for wrong in trying!🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it’s supposed to be a lovely family holiday for my 50th” It’s made me even more determined to stand my ground. I think I’m going to take the advice of u/artneedsmorefloof and send her mum my reasoning. They seem to forget I have parents too. I just don’t want to be hated, this holiday is 8 months away and I don’t want 8 months of hate especially when we live in such close proximity. **Update 2** Last night my wife and I went out for dinner, my idea so we could speak and I hoped being in a public place would make her less likely to scream/cry etc. I told her all the advice that I had read on here and showed her the text I received from her mum. She listened to everything I had to say and I could see her physically cringe when she read the text. She apologised for the way she had acted and said she hadn’t even considered it from my POV. I told her I what one Redditor had said (sorry so many comments I can’t remember a name). If we’re doing this for 30,50,70 what’s going to happen at 40,60,80 or 50,70,90. Are we going to have this spoilt child situation when she’s nearly 40 or are we going to leave it behind now in her 20s She told me her family had all got together to book the trip the night she left and she felt shitty because I said we weren’t going so now no one had booked “until I’d finished throwing my toys out the pram”. I told her I didn’t say WE can’t go, I said I wasn’t going but she could. (I ignored the toys/pram comment as that pissed me off) I reminded her that her mums actual birthday was 2 weeks before we fly and her Nans birthday is in 2 weeks from now. She’ll get to spend time with them, have a party etc on the actual day and that’s something I want for myself too. I don’t want to be away from my family in a different country with 25+ people I don’t know that well on my 30th. I want to do something with my family over my birthday before it’s too late. My mums health is rapidly deteriorating and she can’t do much as it is and who knows how long my Gran has before this dementia really sets in. My mums always talked about doing a Baltic cruise/ see the northern lights for my Grans 80th but that’s still 2 years away and I honestly don’t think in 2 years either of them will be in any fit state so I suggested we do it for my 30th instead. My wife seemed keen and pulled up some dates. Theres one that leaves 3 days before my birthday and comes back 3 days after - perfect timing. We called my mum to ask and she sounded delighted. She herself hadn’t even considered how my Gran would be at 80 and thought it would be a lovely trip to make memories on. We then went to her mums house. (No apology or anything from her but you can’t win everything) to tell her together WE weren’t going for the 3 weeks but we’d found (my wife had found) a 1 week booking that coincided with their 3 week trip in a hotel that was just down the beach, same chain/resort just a different building. Enough distance to have our own break but still include the family for evening meals etc. No one had even suggested looking at shortened dates and I hadn’t even considered it until I read so many comments saying just come back sooner. All in all I’m going to take this as a win (I don’t think my bank balance will though). She’s seen me put my foot down and mean it. I’m not going to let have her way all the time at my own detriment. I’ve not caved for an easier life and together we found a peaceful solution. My family haven’t been excluded and are so excited, my mums like a kid at Christmas, and hers are well… happy they can book now and at least the “asshole SIL” is only there for a week. Hopefully as it’s not for 8 months they might forget 🤷🏻‍♂️? Screw the happy wife happy life mentality. I’ve never heard happy spouse happy house before but I think I’ll be using that mantra from now on. Like you all said it’s a 2 way street, give and take, compromise. Thanks to everyone for the advice and support. **Reminder that I am not the original poster. This is a repost. Flairing this concluded as OOP and his wife have compromised and come to an understanding.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10qpcqd/i_told_my_wife_im_not_going_on_family_holiday/

10qpcqd

OOP's job forces OOP to take a shorter route to save $ on milage reimbursement. OOP maliciously complies and costs the company thousands.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** newtekie1 **in** [r/MaliciousCompliance](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/) trigger warnings: >!None!< mood spoilers: >!Good for OP, Bad for OP's Company!< [You only pay milage for the shortest possible trip? Ok, then you have to pay my tolls](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/vimvmr/you_only_pay_mileage_for_the_shortest_possible/)**.** \- June 22, 2022 At my job, every day I have to travel between two offices. I start at my main office, then have to travel to the second office, then back to my main office. Because I'm using my personal vehicle for this travel, the company pays me mileage. Well, there are basically two routes you can take between the two offices. One is about a mile round trip shorter, but has tolls. So I always took the 1 mile longer route and avoid the tolls. I did it this way for a year. Well in comes the new bookkeeper and she is hellbent on saving the company money. And where does she think all this wasteful money is going? Expense reports, obviously. So she starts knit picking every report. Like if someone is out and has to buy some pens for work. She goes online and finds the cheapest price possible for those pens, and only reimburses for that cheaper price. It, obviously, has pissed several people off. Well, she eventually decided to target me. I submit my report for 2 weeks, and a few days later get the reimbursement payment. Well, it's $5.85 short. I ask her about it, and she says I've been ripping off the company for the past year by taking the longer route between the offices. She will only pay mileage for the shorter route from now on. "And I'm lucky she doesn't go back and take back all the extra from the past year." I say Ok, but to please send me that per her I must take the shorter route and that this is company policy and leave her office. Before I even made it to my desk I had the email from her confirming what she said. 2 weeks later I submit my expense report. I reported the shorter route, so the company saved $5.85. But tolls added up to $136. A net loss for the company of $130.15. It's been 6 months and I'm still "taking the shorter route" costing the company an extra $130.15 every 2 weeks. ====================================================================== [You only pay mileage for the shortest possible trip? Ok, then you have to pay my tolls. An Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/10khc25/you_only_pay_mileage_for_the_shortest_possible/)**.** \- January 24, 2023 First, I want to apologize for not getting this update to you all sooner. December and January are my busiest times and I just haven't had the time to sit down and write it out. **Well on to the update.** This extra cost to the company went on all last year. By my estimates it cost the company about an extra $3,500 last year. So the 3rd week of December we have our annual budget review with all the department heads. It's usually just a quick chit chat about how things went over the year, then we all get a nice catered lunch. This year went a little different. First, Karen bookkeeper asked that we have a projector set up in the conference room so she could give a presentation on how much she has saved the company since she was hired at the beginning of the year. This was great for me, I prepared my own presentation. She starts off the meeting going over each department, going over the changes she has made to save money. Her big cherry on top of her savings was how much she has saved by cracking down on excess expense reimbursements. Now, I should say here, that she is not liked by any of the department heads. Most of the employees have complained to their department heads about her bull, and they've been forced to just take the complaints with no power to do anything about it. I, on the other hand, am a 1 person department. So, her presentation ends with a big hooray on how cutting down on expense reimbursements has saved the company a whole $3,500 last year. Then we start going over each departments budgets. Everything is going normally until they get to my budget. "Wait...why is it so far over budget?"; my boss asks. And this is when my short powerpoint gets played. I bring up the first slide. It's the slightly longer route I was taking between offices. I explained this was the route I was taking and what the mileage reimbursement was. The next slide was the new shorter route. I explained that Karen forced me to take this route because the mileage reimbursement was less, saving the company about $5.85 every 2 weeks(a little more after the mileage rate went up in July). Then I showed them the next slight of Karen's email included in that email is a part about this being final and there will be no further discussion on the matter. The final slide was all the toll reimbursements I was paid over the year, including the appproximate total YTD that was a result of this new shorter route. I explained that had I been able to discuss the matter with Karen, I could have explained that the shorter route had these extra tolls. And I said that's the reason I'm so over budget this year. The room was silent for what seems like forever. Then the owners of the company asked everyone except Karen to step out of the room for a few minutes. When the door opened back up, Karen walked out silent, went to her desk and started packing up her things. That was the end of Karen. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

NakedMuffinTime

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10qw950/oops_job_forces_oop_to_take_a_shorter_route_to/

10qw950

AITA for asking to take the son I gave up on vacation with me?

REPOST

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/ThrowRAmadualec in r/amitheasshole. **Trigger Warning** - >!sudden unexpected death!< **Mood Spoiler** - >!sad but for a different reason!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rjbnhx/aita_for_asking_to_take_the_son_i_gave_up_on/) (18 Dec 21) **AITA for asking to take the son I gave up on vacation with me?** So I (26 F) was inspired to write this by another post that I saw that seemed similar to my situation. When I was 19 I gave birth to a boy named Alex, he's 7 now. I didn't bond with him at all when he was a baby and even though I loved him more than anything, my life was ruined and his would be too. I was failing my classes, I couldn't work and I couldn't afford babysitting. I gave Alex up to my mom and stepdad and they've raised him as their own ever since. My mom and stepdad took on the role of grandparents and while I wasn't there for Alex as a baby, he knows me as mom which I am so thankful that my mom allowed. Thankfully my parents are tech savvy so I was able to facetime with him every night. My grades went good, I have a degree, a good job and am in a relationship I hope will lead to marriage. My fiancee Jacques (30 M) knows how important Alex is to me even though he doesn't live with me and isn't being raised by me. My parents still have guardianship over Alex but he's started spending a weekend every month at my place. But we still FaceTime good morning, after school and good night every day. Yesterday, Jacques surprised me with tickets to go with him to his cabin in Ontario for a week. Jacques really likes Alex and wants to get to know him better. Jacques is really impressed by how smart Alex is and thinks he could get him into the local private school he teaches at. But I'll admit that Alex doesn't really know him even if he's told me thinks he's cool. I know I can't force love but if Jacques didn't respect my son even if I'm not raising him I never would be with him. But I also don't feel I can get married unless Alex is okay with it either. So I asked Jacques if he could get a third ticket so Alex could come with us and he agreed right away even though it'd cost more. I called my mom and stepdad and asked if I could take Alex on vacation after Christmas since he'll be off school for the next two weeks. My mom didn't seem that enthusiastic about it. My stepdad pretty angrily told me that he, my mom and Alex already had plans for that week and that they did not want to cancel them and that he was really upset and hurt by me asking without even thinking they had something going on. He told me to go and sort out my priorities before phoning them back. I talked to a friend of mine after that who I appreciate for being blunt and she told me it was an asshole thing to ask because I didn't focus on Alex enough to even know that he and my parents might have plans. And I've felt super terrible about it since because I don't want to be taking my parents for granted. I told Jacques and he told me I wasn't wrong to ask since I wasn't demanding anything and that my friend was wrong for saying that I was an asshole but I'm not sure. #Verdict - Asshole [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sevre8/update_aita_for_asking_to_take_the_son_i_gave_up/) (28 Jan 22) **UPDATE: AITA for asking to take the son I gave up on vacation with me?** Hey everyone, my fiancee learned of my account yesterday and advised me to make an update cause I got voted Asshole. After I posted I was going to go to my parents and apologize in person but my stepdad came over instead. He took me to the ice cream shop he'd take me to when I was little to talk. I used some of your pointers in our talk. He apologized for making the comment about my priorities and said he was wrong. He told me how proud he was of how far I've come, how I'm the light of his life and that he'd always stand by me. He told me he and mom were scared I'd try and take custody of Alex since I am finally ready to be a mom and if that's what I want, then he'll support me. I told him I just want what's best for Alex but my biggest fear is he'll grow up thinking I didn't love him and I want him involved with me and Jacques cause he's the most important thing to me, that I don't feel like I can get married or have more kids unless he's okay with it cause he's my baby. We agreed to work something out after Jacques and I came back from the cabin. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead when he dropped me off. That was the last time I saw my stepdad he had a massive heart attack when we wre at the cabin and he passed. I don't like typing that. I moved back in with my mom and Alex cause I don't want my mom to be lonely or for Alex to feel abandoned. Since then I've kind of gotten to really be mom, I've been making all Alex's food, dropping him off, picking him up, helping with homework, putting him to sleep, cuddling with him. Everything my stepdad did for me. It's tiring but it's more rewarding than anything and I just wish I could see my stepdad again and ask if I'm doing a good job. Thankfully my work has provided grief counseling and I'm able to take Alex with me. I think it's helped him more than me cause when my mom put up a photo of when my stepdad first took me fishing and when I saw it when I came home I just broke down crying cause I miss him so much but then Alex came and hugged me and said mommy you don't need to cry. For my mom I'm going to keep stepping up and be there for her. And for Alex I'm going to try and get stronger than I am so I can be the mom he deserves. Thank you guys for giving me help before. I know things are a bit sad now but I think the future is a bright one and my stepdad always told me to look forward. Thanks. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10r53s1/aita_for_asking_to_take_the_son_i_gave_up_on/

10r53s1

OOP: My [29/F] BF[32 M] "gave" away my Hamilton tickets, am I being selfish for just wanting to break up over this?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post June 14 2016 by u/confusedtheatergeek** very short update --- &nbsp; [**My [29/F] BF[32 M] "gave" away my Hamilton tickets, am I being selfish for just wanting to break up over this?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4o3opw/my_29f_bf32_m_gave_away_my_hamilton_tickets_am_i/) Throwaway because while I'm fairly sure he/his family doesn't reddit I would rather be safe than sorry. Backstory: My mom is genuinely one of the funniest, kindest, sweetest people I've ever met and I'm genuinely lucky to have been her daughter. She had me fairly young, raised me by herself and while we were pretty poor growing up, she did her damndest to make sure that I got a good education and had everything I needed as a kid. One of the things we share is a love of the theater. She would save up and take me to all the musicals that stopped on tour in our town and while we were always in the cheap seats it was always something we both greatly looked forward to. These memories of going to the theater with my mom are very precious to me and is one of the main factors in why I work in the entertainment industry today (corporate side, I have a horrendous singing voice lol). Fastforward to today. Like most theater nerds, my mom and I are basically obsessed with Hamilton. And for those of you who aren't really familiar with it, this show is basically impossible to get tickets for at this point, unless you want to see it in January of next year. I'm lucky enough to be in a financial position w/my job that I could afford tickets for a show in July for me and my mom. These are amazing seats (fifth row center), and through some type of divine intervention I managed to snag tickets for the night that Lin Manuel Miranda's (creator/lead in Hamilton) final performance. I surprised my mom with these tickets back in December (i bought them in october i think) for christmas. I'm making a whole week of it, I put us up in a really nice hotel, i made reservations at a bunch of restaurants that we both want to try, and we're going to do a bunch of touristy shit in general (plus try to see if we can fit in at least one other show before we leave). We are both incredibly excited for this, my mom even has a little Hamilton countdown that she's doing on a mini chalkboard she uses as a planner. She sends me pics every day when she changes it, it's cute. In January, I began dating this guy that I'll refer to as Josh. We were casual/not exclusive for a while but became serious within the last two month. He also works in the corporate side of entertainment, but at a different agency than I do. He also has a higher position than me, and makes a loooot more money than I do (this becomes important). We met at an industry event and we hit it off instantly. I thought I could get really serious about this guy and up to this point there have been no red flags that I've seen (although tbh right now I'm sifting through all of my memories to see if there's something I missed). He also comes from a much much wealthier family than I do. Josh has a younger sister that I'll call Jennifer (17) that's kind of going through a big troubled teen phase. She cuts class, smokes, and is really disrespectful to her parents. I’ve only met her once but as far as I know, she's not doing anything too bad she's just kind of a sad kid and could really benefit from some therapy (I floated this by Josh but he said his parents are kind of disdainful of therapy in general). Josh says they can't reach out to her no matter what they do and they've tried everything (except trying to get her to a counselor but whatever). Actual problem time: Sunday night I was at my place with Josh. We were drinking wine and cuddling while watching the tony's (theater awards show). My mom was texting me during the Hamilton performance and geeking out about how excited she was. I laughed and showed my mom's texts to Josh because I thought it was so adorable, and he didn't say anything off but he was acting kind of strange after. He asked me what date the show we were going to was, I told him and then he went into the other room to take a phone call. I thought nothing of it because we both have to take random phone calls like that for our jobs all the time and he's going through kind of a tough time at his. He was in an unusually good mood afterwards and said he had to go home early because he had to "sign some forms at the office early tomorrow" before we met up to get brunch with his parents later that day. Again, nothing too unusual and pretty common with the both of us. He picks me up at work for the brunch with his parents and again he’s in an unusually good mood. I ask what’s up and he says vaguely that things are going well at the office and this deal he’s trying to make is finally going through. I don’t really press for info bc we both try to avoid work topics (partially due to work shit being fairly banal and partially bc we both have to sign some pretty gnarly NDA’s a lot of the time) and this is only my second time meeting his parents so I’m still a bit nervous about brunch. We get to the brunch place and the first thing his mom does when she sees me is give me a huge, warm hug and profoundly thanks me for my kindness. Her dad also gives me a huge handshake and thanks me for “helping out with Jen”. I’m kind of wtfing because I have no clue what they’re talking about. I ask what she means and she says for giving her the Hamilton tickets. I turn around to Josh and he just has this big grin on his face. Reddit, that time my boyfriend was away talking on the phone for “business” he was actually on the phone with Jen promising that I would give her my Hamilton tickets! I was so thrown off by this that I (kind of not very tactfully, I admit) say how I had no clue about this. Josh looks pissed, and his parents are equally thrown off. But instead of getting mad at Josh his mom just says “Well, you can still give them to her though right?” And they all look at me like I’m supposed to just agree with this. And I try to explain that the trip is actually for me and my mom, and how important this is to my mom. All three of them start going on about how Jen is “super excited about this” and that this is the first time that she’s not been mad/expressed happiness to them in a while. And that’s how the next half hour goes basically, until the parents leave, mad, and the dad calls me a selfish cow. I’m so flabbergasted that I just sort of put up with it, but I could barely get in a word. Josh and I go outside the brunch place and he starts screaming at me about my selfishness, and how Jen is going through a much harder time than they thought (he wasn’t very clear on this so I’m not quite sure what he meant), and that I’m being childish because “it’s just a musical”. I haaaate having arguments in public (also this is one of my favorite brunch spots and I wanted to be able to come back without being embarrassed) so I wasn’t really engaging. He eventually called me a cunt (wtf????) and then left in his car (which is awkward as hell because it was valet parking so he was just kind of stewing by the valet stand while I was waiting for my Uber). Later that night I texted him saying while I wasn’t giving up my tickets there are still some available on that date. However, they cost about $2,500 due to ticket scalpers jacking up the price. Believe me, this is NOT a problem for either the parents or my boyfriend (he literally bought a $3k watch for funsies last week). The only response I got was that that was an exorbitant fee (I agree but not the point), he refuses to pay and he didn’t understand why I couldn’t just give the tickets to Jen. I also got texts from both his parents pleading with me to get the tickets and also they forwarded an e-mail to me that Jen sent to Josh and her parents for thanking them for the “surprise”. Apparently she’s also obsessed with Hamilton and this is making her year. Also we live in LA, do they also expect me to give up my plane ticket/hotel? Wtf was their gameplan here? Look, I completely understand wanting to help out with Jen and I feel really bad that apparently her family is filled with weirdos, but this has been all so baffling and the entitled behavior they displayed is a massive turn off. I am not giving up these tickets(is this selfish?), but I also kind of want to cut my losses here. The attitude Josh displayed towards me outside of the brunch place was very unpleasant to say the least, and he knows how disrespectful I find being called a cunt so I’m of half a mind to just break up with him. He knew I had these tickets for a while, and I don’t get why he decided to do this now at all. But should I contact Jen and explain at all? I just saw that she made a really excited post on Facebook about it (I’m not friends with her but I am friends with my bf and he liked her post). I would straight up buy the ticket for her but frankly I can’t afford those prices bc I’m saving up for the NYC trip for my mom. How do I move forward? TLDR My boyfriend offered/”gave” my Hamilton tickets to his troubled sister without my knowledge and now he and his parents are massively pissed at me bc I won’t give them to her. Should I just cut my losses? &nbsp; [**update in comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4o3opw/my_29f_bf32_m_gave_away_my_hamilton_tickets_am_i/d49dut3/) Yeah, I'm typing up an e-mail dumping him right now. Normally I think it's better to meet up irl for things like this but his behavior both during and outside brunch was scary and I would prefer not to be alone w/him right now (maybe that's paranoid but better safe than sorry). I think this is one of those situations where everything was so crazy and they were acting like this is totally normal behavior that I thought I was the insane one. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

bigbluesandwich

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10rgcm5/oop_my_29f_bf32_m_gave_away_my_hamilton_tickets/

10rgcm5

My wife & I are about to kick our daughter out

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/sdblazer in r/TrueOffMyChest on June 28, '22, updated Jan 25, '23. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vn6bal/my_wife_i_are_about_to_kick_our_daughter_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My wife & I are about to kick our daughter out Don't worry, she's a "grown" 22 y/o college grad. She moved out, but moved back to save money about a year ago. She's employed full time, and the only financial obligation she has aside from paying for the wedding she's planning at the end of this year is her $200/month car note. We even paid half of her tuition all 4 years of school so she wouldn't have to pay student loans for the next 30 years like my wife is still doing. She likes to complain about our meager expectations of her (dishes, laundry, keeping her space clean, being respectful and considerate of the other 3 of us living in the house) these shouldn't be foreign concepts to her as she was only living away from home for 6 months before moving back in. She got engaged to a guy in a foreign country after 6 months of 'dating' (read:talking on the phone for hours at a time; often on speaker while pacing the halls). She has only flown down to visit him 5 times for 3-5 days at a time. (Not enough time to know who the other person truly is, imo)Their relationship is chock full of red flag behavior from both of them. She tells us she has everything figured out, but constantly presents us with examples of how ill-prepared she is for marriage and being financially independent. Recently our dialogue has escalated from us asking that she take into account the rest of us living in the house and how her actions affect us to her screaming and storming off exclaiming that she can't wait to leave. The next time we have one of these heated conversations, my wife and I are going to inform her that it is no longer in anyone's best interest for her to continue living in our house. If she is truly an adult, and feels she doesn't owe us the respect due to parents who are allowing their adult child to live in their house rent free, preparing her meals for her, and covering her living expenses, she can blaze her own trail on her own dime. It's not fair to my wife, myself, or our teenaged son to live in an environment fraught with turmoil. I love her, but If she believes she would be better off without us lording our rules over her, it's time to watch the little bridie fly. [Update 6 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10ljd4x/my_wife_i_are_about_to_kick_our_daughter_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) So maybe the original title was hyperbolic. My wife and I would never throw her on the streets, but the tension between everyone in the house was obvious and counterproductive. We never kicked our daughter out, but I did tell her during one of our heated exchanges that she might want to consider finding a place to stay if she felt we were a hindrance to her independence. She quickly shot down the idea when I told her rooms in our hometown were renting for almost as much as our mortgage payment. The argumentative nature of our interactions was still present, but after she and I had several deep discussions in the following months, things improved. A lot of our arguments revolved around her stress trying to plan a wedding, balance work, and coordinate how she'd integrate into life in a new country while still living in the US. We just happened to be the easiest target when she needed a place to unload. I'm a problem solver by nature, and it's hard for me to listen to someone vent/explain an issue and not be working on a solution in my head. I suppose my daughter really just wanted a sympathetic ear and no input from me on how to solve her problems. I worked actively to improve the way I addressed her emotions/opinions, and things got much better. We did have a hiccup a couple of weeks before she moved. It started because of a winter coat. I had suggested that even though her new home would be in a tropical climate, it might be wise to take a winter coat/heavy jacket with her. My logic was simply that she may end up flying into a country where she'd need cold-weather apparel and without a coat, it would cost her at least $100 to get a reasonably good coat. Words were exchanged, and we agreed to disagree on the concept. Turns out she thought I was suggesting she take *everything* she had in the house with her because we didn't want any sign that she had ever lived in the house. I don't know how she drew the conclusion that I didn't want any trace of her from my comment, but that was what she gleaned from my advice. In the weeks before she moved, we took a beach vacation with all of us and my parents, visited my in-laws, had family movie nights, ate meals from our favorite restaurants, had bridal showers, practiced our daddy-daughter dance while crying like babies, sold her car for $2k more than what she bought it for 2 years prior, and helped her get all of her packing done. After Thanksgiving, we took her to the airport and she was gone. 2.5 weeks later, we headed down for the wedding. We met our son-in-law and his family for the first time, and despite the language barrier, we were all enjoying each others company. I managed to dust off my 6 years of high school and college Spanish and gave my Daddy speech in both Spanish and English at the reception. The ceremony was beautiful. My daughter was beautiful. My whole family (new, extended, and immediate) were beautiful/handsome. Since the wedding, we stay in touch with each other almost every day. She's starting to see a lot of things from a different perspective, and I know a lot of that is because she has her own life now with her husband. I couldn't help but to chuckle when she explained how cold one of their honeymoon destinations was, and that she was glad to have her coat. I even joked with her about how being over-prepared for the situation saved her a lot of headache and some $. I've never seen her so happy, and I'm glad she found a man who loves her and treats her well. We're eagerly looking forward to having her come home to visit in about 2 months. I'm sure the pleasant outcome will probably disappoint many fellow redditors . I mean who doesn't love piling on a frustrated parent by shaming them and scoffing at every decision they have made to give their kid a better start than they had at her age? /s

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10rmnu1/my_wife_i_are_about_to_kick_our_daughter_out/

10rmnu1

I Just Found Out That The Babysitter Was Breastfeeding My Son Without My Consent

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/evening-butterfly-16 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 6, '23, updated Jan 26, '23. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1057zzc/i_28f_just_found_out_that_the_babysitter_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I (28F) just found out that the babysitter was breastfeeding my son without my consent I (28F) am a single, working mom. I remained pregnant in a previous relationship with my ex, and decided to carry on the pregnancy since I was very excited to become a mom. I was able to get a 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave from work, and after that, since I live very far away from my family, and had no one who could help me, I started looking for a babysitter. And fortunately enough in no time I found a fellow (32F) mom who agreed to come at my house to watch and take care of my newborn 5 days a week for 9 hours, from 8 am to 5 pm. She was super nice and bonded with my child pretty easily, and since she seemed very skilled I was very serene. I didn't gave her many rules to follow, other than a summary of everything that happened during my work shifts at home and that she isn't allowed on my bedroom. Before going to work, I always made sure to leave all the necessary (like diapers, pacifier, his favorite plushie, etc) on the table, also leaving the milk I pumped in biberons inside the fridge which she was instructed to use. The first two months went absolutely great, with no issues whatsoever. When I came home, she would summarize everything that happened/she did, and I always found everything in perfect order, plus used biberons. So she was following the indications I gave her. However, some strange things started happening during my newborns' sixth month. He started refusing my breasts altogether, refusing to latch on and after a while of me gently trying he would start to get annoyed. But he accepted the biberon with my milk just fine. After talking with the babysitter (who was a mother before me) and doing some researches, I conclued that it could have been something related to the fact the he got more used to the biberon, or to the fact that I may had a different smell. It was a very stressful period so it could have been. Either way, I didn't think too much of it since he was still getting fed, until it became impossible for me to keep pumping because I wasn't producing enough milk no more. So I decided to switch to the formula, and gave instructions to her like usual. Also, I decided to start weaning my child, and I asked her to introduce some solid foods too. However, after 2 months, at his eighth month, I started to feel like something wasn't adding up. In 2 days it seemed like I was using way more formula than her in 5 days. So I confronted her about it, and asked her if she was using formula, and she confirmed. I then thought it was my impression, even because the baby had never complained. However, something was still troubling me, so the next day I hid a GoPro in my living room, and an old phone recording in the kitchen just to make sure. And when I came back, and watched the recordings, everything started to make sense. I was horrified. After I went away, she took my baby, sat on the sofa, and started BREASTFEEDING him. Not once, but THRICE for a LOT of time. I was shocked. My baby was latching to another woman's breast, after he refused mine. And now it started to make sense why. But not only that. She never went to the kitchen to get formula or to get some solid food for the baby, but only to cook for herself. And while she was eating, she was still breastfeeding my baby, keeping him with only ONE HAND under the butt. But the worst is, she was trying to get herself to be called "mama" by my newborn. She sat him on her legs and started saying things like "say: ma-ma" "who am I? Ma-ma!", and my son UTTERED IT! And she replied back with "that's my good boy", and KISSED HIM. After that, I was trying to get myself to not to puke. I was heartbroken, and I felt like I trusted the worst woman I could ever trust. After that, I immediately called her and confronted her at my house. I told her I knew everything, and I showed her the videos. Her response was that my son needed a real mother in his life, not a mother available only two days a week. And also, that she was not going to feed formula to a baby of frozen milk, but that she was only going to feed him with "real milk", admitting that she had done it it since day one. I will not report the entire discussion, because after that I wasn't polite at all. Needless to say, I fired her immediately. Not only she breastfed my son without my consent, but she was even trying to replace me. I'm horrified and broken. Right now, I took a week out of work. I need to process everything that happened, and also I need to reconnect with my son. I feel like our family was violated. I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading. Edit: It's very hard for me to reply back to every single comment so I'm going to use this edit as an update and clarification. - First of all, she isn't a local. I live in the countryside so we don't have much services, like agencies or stuff. I tried posting on some Facebook groups and left my phone number. After probably half an hour, she reached out to me, first asking me for a photo and a description of my child since she wanted to know how he was, and then asked me where I lived, and we found out that we lived like 40 min away from each other by car. It seemed too much for me, but she still agreed wholeheartedly to take care of my child. - I forgot to mention that she admitted pouring down the sink my bottled breastmilk so that it seemed like she used it. I pumped for only god knows how long before work just to make her trash it. - She had the keys to my house for every eventuality, but I recollected them back before firing her. But I will still change the locks like someone suggested. Now for the updates: - I got my baby checked straight away, and nothing seems out of place. I'm so relieved, but I'll still wait for more in-depth analysis since I'm still worried a little bit. - It seems like she also entered my bedroom. I always made sure to lock the door since there's a safe and I have valuables inside, but sometimes I did forgot about it, like the last day, since I was so caught up trying to set up the cameras. I found some blond hair on my sheets, and found some (way less) of them also on the shower drain of my personal bathroom (which you can't access outside my bedroom). So I guess she showered, and even guess she used my towels since I didn't find new used ones in the bathroom or in the laundry, and she clearly didn't take towels from home since she never asked me to shower at my house (which I would've agreed without an issue). Moreover, it seems like I'm missing a pair of bra and slips, and i REALLY hope she didn't put her hands in my drawer and use them as a change of clothes, even because she has probably two cups more than me and she has bigger hips. I really hope to find them in my laundry chest. - I also have a feeling that she took my newborn outside multiple times. When I became pregnant, I bought a stroller and a baby carrier because I thought I needed them both, but when I went out I always used the stroller since it was more comfortable for me. I never opened the baby carrier and left it in the box in the guest room, behind the door when opened. I was making sure everything was all right since I understood I couldn't trust her no more in anything at all, and when I checked the guest room, I found the baby carrier unpacked and unwrapped inside the box. I could say it was used since being white it was a little bit dirty on the shoulders and it smelled a bit. I don't know if she used inside the house, but I don't think so since I never saw her wearing it, and she never mentioned it to me, and also I never mentioned its existence to her. I only have two neighborhoods near me, I tried talking to them but they were of no help. I really hope she didn't brought my baby outside, and I hope she didn't brought him for road trips with the car or stuff. That's because I remember her having a baby seat in her car,EVEN if she said that her daughter was now 7, so she wouldn't have needed such a small one, but at the time i didn't connect the two things . I don't know what to feel. I now realize that in 9 hours, 5 days a week, she could had possibly done EVERYTHING. - I don't know how it works in my country for those kind of things, but I'm currently talking to a lawyer to understand if I can press charges and how to do that. I hope for the best. In the meantime, I asked for help to my mom, and she is currently coming to stay for some time to my house, help me and my child, and take care of him when the week off will finish. I wasn't at ease hiring another babysitter. - My baby still doesn't want to latch on, and I can feel that he isn't that much at ease with me. I tried making him utter the same things she did but without making it. He doesn't want to. I managed to make him latch only once when he was very sleep for a short time, but still it's something. Fortunately, he takes up the formula just fine. I will work thorough it to reconnect with my child and to hopefully overcome this bad event. Thank you very much for your support, comments, and advices. This will probably be my first and last update on this post, since I need to move on and get my head straight. Mothers, please, always be aware of who is taking care of your child/children. I know that probably most people would say that it's not my fault, but I still think it is. So please, watch out. Again, thanks to all of you. [Update 3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10lwpbg/update_i_28f_just_found_out_that_my_babysitter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) First of all, I would like to thank everyone who expressed support. It meant a lot and helped with this more than surreal situation. In those 20 days a lot happened and I would like to give an update on the situation, also because it took a heavy toll on me and I need to vent a little. First off, my baby is completely ok, even after more in-depth analysis nothing showed up. This relieved me a lot but unfortunately those are the only good news. I talked to a lawyer and contacted the police, but unfortunately in my country there are no laws against breastfeeding someone else's child without consent. They could have done something if she transmitted a disease through the milk and was aware of the presence of it (and if I could demonstrate that he didn't have the disease before hiring her), nor it can be classified as assault because (of course) my baby can't testify against the babysitter. I showed them the tapes but they are of no use, since my baby gladly accept her breasts and she didn't force him. So I have my hands tied, and I can't do nothing about it. It's so frustrating since she violated my family and my baby and there's literally nothing I can do. I'm still talking to my lawyer to see if I can still sue her, but it's really complicated and the chances are very, very low. I was able to talk to her one more time on the phone since I needed to know what else she did with my baby and to see if my speculations were correct. And indeed they were, worse than I expected. She confirmed basically everything: - She did took my son outside multiple times using the baby carrier or the stroller (nearly once a day) and she also admitted breastfeeding him outside quite frequently. If that wasn't enough, she also confirmed taking my baby for road trips with the car when she needed to run errands or do stuff that she didn't clarify, and that it "did happen more than a dozen of times, but she doesn't remember" (her words). I said that she shouldn't have done that, and she replied that "there's nothing wrong with it" and that "my baby liked her driving a lot". - She also admitted passing my baby as HERS when she was outside, justifying it by saying that sometimes she stopped talking to other mothers and it was "SIMPLER" this way. This really made me shiver with rage. - She confirmed going into my room to shower and using my bed to rest with the baby because she felt dizzy. When I confronted her by remembering her that she wasn't allowed in my room, she said that "she didn't remember" and that "it was not a big deal since nothing happened". Regarding that, I asked her if she took a pair of bra and slips from me, and she ALSO confirmed that, but saying that she had borrowed them while waiting for hers to dry and after that she put them in the laundry chest (Note: I never found them. Either something happened or she stole them from me. I don't know what to think) - I finally asked her why she did those things to my baby, and she said that a son like mine needed a mother, a REAL, caring mother like her in his life and that a mother who works nearly all week is not good enough, and that I would never be enough for him. I was going crazy, but I decided to end the conversation with her there because shouting was not going to solve anything. I was disgusted by all that, and left the call worse than how I started it. And there's literally nothing I can do against her for what she did. I tried informing other mothers on facebook about what she did, but my post get taken down for defamation and hate speech. My mother is still helping me watching after my son while I work, and things are slowly getting back to "normal", but I can't erase this sense of powerlessness. I think I will go to therapy once things get better. My son still doesn't seems much at ease with me, but I'm trying my best to recover our bond. He still doesn't want to latch to my breast, not even a bit. This hurts me a lot but I know I need to be strong for him too. Thank you very much for reading my venting, and I really hope nothing like this happens to any of the fellows mothers out there. **Reminder that I am not the original poster. This is a repost. I am flairing this concluded as OOP has found out there is nothing to be done legally and she has gotten as many answers from the babysitter as she possibly could.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10rrovw/i_just_found_out_that_the_babysitter_was/

10rrovw

OOP sues his ex and her boyfriend over stolen lego sets

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not The OOP, OOP is leggomylego75389263 OOP deleted their account [AITA for suing my ex and her boyfriend ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kyiont/aita_for_suing_my_ex_and_her_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Jan 16, 2021 My ex and I divorced three years ago. She was cheating, but at this point I don’t care about the relationship anymore. The pending lawsuit has nothing to do with her or him, but rather their actions. My ex and I have a son 13m that we split time with 50/50. He’s a great kid that interests have changed a lot tbh as I imagine more kids/teenagers tend to do through the years. One thing my son was heavily into at some point was legos. He use to play with them all the time, and personally I think they’re a great toy for different reasons. I use to love playing them with him, and to this day I still collect boxes that I leave unopened as a collection. Well my ex and I divorced she got with someone who loved legos more I guess? From what I know he loves making creations and building the sets in. I don’t care.. seems cool. He does one thing I think is very very weird.. He uses crazy glue so the sets can’t break or pieces can’t be lost. It seems so weird to me. The issue is, I was out of town for all of three days last week for medical reasons, and my son wanted to get his ps4 so he could play it at his moms. This isn’t out of the ordinary at all and he has a key, so he let me know he would be stopping over for it. I told him to have fun when I saw him on the entry camera. My wife’s husband was with him which was a no-no. I told him via speaker to not go in and to wait on the porch. He flinched but walked in anyway. I sent my ex a text telling her to call him and tell him he’s one minute away from a cop call. He left my home with a bag in hand which I didn’t think much of because my son had his games too. Well my son texted me later that evening and said he didn’t know it at the time but he’s pretty sure SD took some of my sets. These are all old sets and two are worth big money. When I got home I confirmed the missing sets and called my ex. She had no idea but he admitted he took them but it was so son could have the sets to complete his collection... my son doesn’t even like legos anymore and told his mom he wouldn’t steal from me. My wife asked how much it would cost to replace them and unfortunately it’s more than their savings. Actually, it would take their house down payment plus more. I told them if they didn’t pay in two weeks I was suing and pressing charges. The price in the sets makes it a felony. My ex and her husband are saving for a house which would give my son more space when he’s there, but those sets were going help pay for his education someday or a home of his own. I filed the police report and have talked to a lawyer and we’re moving forward with the suit. Everyone is calling me a joke because they are just toys, but I don’t get it. They are worth real money.. I’m not rich guys. I needed those to help with my sons future... but again taking this money does deny my son things at his moms house. AITA here?? Edit* I’ve been asked to add these facts. The sets have been opened which more than half their worth, and one was glued together. The damage was done already. The stolen items are: Kings Castle Milk truck Lego land train Carousel And the glued one was a Star Wars snow speeder. Some of these are one piece of a larger set. So if you lose one of five, you lose the value of one produce plus the value of the set as a whole. Second edit* Ex wife and boyfriend are the same as ex boyfriend.. I’m just a bad writer. Third/final edit for this post* I know I haven’t been here much but I have read many of your comments and taken them to heart. I know my spelling is poor guys, and I apologize for the format. Calling me names in my private message was not called for, and I am not a scalper. I enjoy buying these sets and do not intend to sell all of them, but I want my son to go to college and not worry about debt, so I want to sell the ones that I can to help. I never had the smarts for higher education but my son is not me, and I love him and want him to do better. Around 4:00 PM I called the local state police and met at their facility. I gave them all I had and gave my statement. My son is with me starting tonight so when I picked him up I sent him into GameStop and called his mom. I told her I had filed charges and I asked the cop to call me when everything was done so I could give him the opportunity to turn himself in. I wanted to be better than he treated me. I’ll save her reaction for a real update btw—- can someone please tell me how to update because I don’t really understand the steps in the main notes. I told my son when we got home what I did and why. My son said that I did the right thing because he didn’t want his step dad to think it was ok to do it again, and if he didn’t go to jail he’d rather be her away from him so it isn’t weird. [update (removed, only screenshots recovered)](https://m.facebook.com/RedditRidiculousness/posts/3785429738173283/)   update date unknown, removed after posted I apologize. I'm not the best at Reddit, and I guess the moderators at AITA deleted my update. If you have any follow up questions I'll try my best to answer you though it could take some time. I have received a few requests regarding posting an update and I did promise to update the situation once it was resolved, and as far as I have any say the headache is over for the most part. I can't say that I feel whole, but 'm not angry about it as I think the consequences are something to respect. I read through most of the comments and really appreciate the time most of you took out of your day to offer advice and well wishes I know I didn't respond to all of them, but your time and care were noticed. I accept all your judgements, but I must say your kindness blew me away while some took time out of their day just to be mean which is on you I guess. I understand legos are toys, but I enjoy the hunt and it's worth it to me. As I said, I decided to go to the police with the video, my statement, texts from my ex, and emails. I told the police I wanted this pursued as he had entered my house after being told not to and stole valuables. They took everything I had to offer and as of yesterday my ex's BF was arrested for a few different violations/laws. He was charged with grand larceny and breaking and entering among a few other charges. My ex is really upset at me, and him however she bailed him out so l'm guessing she isn't to upset with him. Ex's boyfriend has called a few times and showed up once. He left the used sets on my porch, and I'm not sure what he thinks that does at this stage. They aren't worthless, but their value is less than half. I told my lawyer he did this and she was blown away. I sent an email to my ex telling her and him to stay away from me and my home, and I only wanted to hear from her if it was concerning our child. This was his first offense to my knowledge so I don't expect him to do jail time however my lawyer said it was possible due to the amount of crimes and when/how they took place. Apparently doing that during the day is worse and he did it in front of my child which doesn't help him. I expect a leg they probation tbh with all of you, but I'm very far from a legal expert I spoke to the lawyer on Tuesday this week regarding the loss, and unfortunately l'm looking at a tough road ahead of me. The pieces stolen are valued at what they sell at auction which the local DA will decide which auctions are reputable. So, that could go different ways; moreover, the fact the boyfriend broke up my sets were irrelevant. The lawyer said it would be like stealing one baseball card out of an entire set and burning it. You are only owed the value of that one card EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET THAT ONE CARD AGAIN! The fact he returned them is a admission of guilt she said, and that we could definitely reclaim the amount of money an unopened set for each would be worth, but it doesn't make the matter better in my opinion. I know a lot of you thought 10-20k wasn't nearly enough for a house down payment, but in my neck of the woods it's plenty, and my lawyer recommended we go forward with a civil suit and I agreed. With that and the legal charges I feel that is well enough. I will have enough in savings and "lego stock" lol to fund his four years at a good state school. I wish I could do more, but you can't win them all. My son has been staying with me fulltime as he feels its awkward at his moms, and he's pretty upset at his mom about the whole thing, but l'm trying to smooth that over best I can considering the circumstances. He's asked to stay here full time which I support and told his mom as much. I told her we could do it through the courts or keep it simple and I think she wants to keep it simple.I haven't thought much about child support, but I don't think asking for a small amount would be bad. I don't want to break my ex, but our kid should come first. Thank you to everyone for their well wishes and thoughts. Best of luck to everyone out there. Again, if you have any questions l'll try my best to answer them. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10rv83d/oop_sues_his_ex_and_her_boyfriend_over_stolen/

10rv83d

Update: Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister

NEW UPDATE

# I Am not the OP, the original post is on [**r/TrueOffMyChest**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) by [u/honeyed-spice](https://www.reddit.com/u/honeyed-spice/) **Original Post** (made 23/10/22) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybxnt7/soon\_everyone\_will\_know\_hes\_been\_messing\_with\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybxnt7/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/) For a little while I’ve suspected my husband of cheating. I didn’t have any justification for thinking or feeling this way but I couldn’t stop having this gut feeling that something was wrong. So I decided to keep a closer eye on him and I still found nothing. And for a longtime I was angry with myself for suspecting him and for invading his privacy. We went to marriage counselling and I apologized for breaking his trust in me and for a little while all was well. (I can’t believe I apologized to that lying sack of shit). But that wretched feeling never went away. I tried so hard to get over this feeling that he was deceiving me in some way and I just couldn’t. So I decided it was time to hire a private investigator instead of playing inspector gadget myself. Let me tell you this was the best thing I ever spent money on. Within a month the P.I was able to confirm my suspicions but it was a shock to find out that it was his stepsister and his stepmother. Not only that he may be the father of his stepsisters newborn baby. I could’ve killed him but I kept my composure and I kept this information to myself and continued to act as normal as possible. Believe me that was a very difficult thing to do. I slowly started detaching from him and even moved into our spare bedroom and we continued to drift apart. I moved out,got a new job and started saving money for our divorce. I got my life in order. Now here we are almost year later and in the final stages of our divorce and I’ve still not told anyone. I’ve spent the last year preparing for our divorce because I’ll be damned to leave this marriage empty handed. I wanted to handle our financial affairs first because my husband works for his father and I didn’t want to leave him unemployed during our divorce process! This son of a cunt dragged out our divorce and fought me for everything even things that were mine to begin with but I kept my calm and I won’t say a word until I get everything I deserve. That’s when I’ll tell his father. And his father is not a man to be messed with. I’ve been assured the cheque will clear in 3 days (or less)and it’s over for Robert cause as soon as that money hits my account his mother,stepmother, stepsister,brother-in-law and father will receive a beautifully written email with pictures and videos of what he has been up to. His dad will tear him apart! COUNT YOUR DAYS ROBERT! Edit 1: I got my money! Time to send it. Edit 2: His stepmother and stepsister do not know about each other. I don’t know how long he has been sexually involved with them but I do know it started in adulthood for all involved. **Update Post** (23/10/22) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ygm5y8/following\_up\_on\_soon\_everyone\_will\_know\_hes\_been/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ygm5y8/following_up_on_soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Can’t seem to access my original account. So here I am. Let’s clear some things up! When Robert’s father remarried, Robert was already a 30 year old man. So no he wasn’t sexually groomed! And his stepsister was 31 when she met him. Again no one here is being sexually abused! All involved were already well into adulthood when meeting and when they started to fuck around. As for the money well honey that’s money he owed me but was being a dick about giving it back. I invested in his business ventures and he refused to pay me my share! And that’s not shit I was willing to let slide! You can’t get a broke man to pay his debt. So fuck yes I wasn’t going to let him be unemployed during our divorce. THE AFTERMATH— I sent the email as soon as I saw the money had hit my account. The first to call me was Robert and I picked up. First words out of his mouth was- YOU EVIL ASS BITCH! I replied with- YOUR MOMMA. And I ended the call! The second person to call me is stepsisters husband. He was just heartbroken. He asked me a ton of questions and he asked for my divorce lawyers information. We also discussed him getting a DNA test for all their kids. Through brother-in-law I found out that there was a all out war between stepmother and father-in-law. He tried to kick her out but she locked herself up in the bedroom. While father-in-law was throwing her shit outside stepmother-in-law called her daughter for help. At some point stepsister and stepmother got in a fight. The fight was so bad that the neighbors called the police. In the scuffle to separate mother and daughter they hurt one of the police officers and were arrested. They are still in jail because neither of them have anyone willing to bail them out. The following day I got a call from Robert telling me that his daddy almost ran him over. So he wanted to come stay with me because he’s scared that his daddy or brother-in-law will try to beat his ass again. Robert is scared to go home. His dad and brother-in-law are pretty much camped outside of his place and have already jumped him twice. Robert is terrified. He tried to stay with his mother and she told him that he had made his bed and should now lie in it. FYI I am not done with Robert yet. I’ve got more planned for him! **Update 2** (26th January 2023) [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10lwqft/embarrass\_me\_for\_years\_and\_you\_think\_i\_wont\_shame/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10lwqft/embarrass_me_for_years_and_you_think_i_wont_shame/) Ex-SIL is in deep doodoo as the results for the dna tests came back and zero out of three is his! Ex-BIL is distraught. She doesn’t even know who else could be the father? Heifer, how many men have you been bedding, beside your husband and mine?! (Don’t worry I’ll find out) Like I knew she was a trifling old bag of bones but I never knew she was this cold! BIL has decided to cut ties for his own sanity as he feared he might act in a way that is outside his character. Now I feel bad for those babies but I understand why he had to leave. Did we (ex-bil and I) give a copy of the dna results to everyone she knows? Yes we did. Did I personally go out of my way to darken the steps of a church and make my testimony and hand out a copies of the dna results? I sure did! Ex-MIL and her daughter have cut ties and are silently hating each other but they are image obsessed so they kept things cute and silent. BUT a heathen like myself prefers to be cute and audible, and I haven’t forgotten dear mother! So I went and gave my testimony in front her beloved peers and read out a couple of the vilest text messages she and my ex-husband exchanged. There were a lot of gasps and screaming but I kept reading for as long as I could. I sure f\*cking did! Unfortunately I couldn’t read more before I was dragged out and then attacked by ex-mil and ex-sil but I handled that and they never again lunged at me or threatened me with physical violence again. Over the years Robert has moved as shady in his legal business as his personal life and as a law-abiding citizen I felt compelled to inform the taxman of his dealings, as well as informing his former business partners and current ones. I also did some legally ambiguous things to Robert that I don’t want to put into writing but he’s no longer slinging dick like his life depended on it. That testicular fortitude he once had is slipping away. He just doesn’t have that pep in his step anymore. It’s hard to remain so casual when there are a couple of men hoping to catch you and a ex-wife who still has him on find my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Roberts life is in tatters and well I love that,love that for him. Again I Am not the OP, the original post is on [**r/TrueOffMyChest**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) by [u/honeyed-spice2](https://www.reddit.com/user/honeyed-spice2/) Flair marked as concluded as it seems that our queen has happily ruined everyone who has wronged her.

Screaming-Harpy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10sl8cg/update_soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing/

10sl8cg

Mom Cancels Her Daughter’s Sweet 16 Because She Was Bullying Other Kids

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/sensitive-host7050 in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 28, '22, updated Dec 15th, Jan 12, '23 and Jan 13, '23. Cat fact to avoid spoilers: If you find kittens alone, watch them for a bit before you "rescue" them. Mama cats will leave their kittens to go search for food or scout for a better "nest" for her babies. She may move her babies to the new spot, but she has to do this one at a time, which means leaving the remaining babies alone while she does it. So, before rescuing abandoned kittens, watch them for a few hours to make sure Mama isn't coming back for them (unless they are in immediate danger). Trigger Warning: >!Transphobia, bullying, suicide attempt!< [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyymd7/comment/iwx0lj9/) AITA for cancelling my daughter’s Sweet 16 after I discovered her behavior at school? My husband "John" (45M) and I (41F) have a daughter, "Madison" (16F). Ever since she was little, Madison dreamed of having the perfect 16th birthday party. Since Madison had always been well-behaved, we decided that we would throw Madison the birthday party of her dreams. We both have financial stability, so cost wasn’t an issue. We put months of planning into this party. Madison’s actual birthday was on Monday, and we had a small family dinner at her favorite restaurant to celebrate since her actual birthday party was scheduled for three weeks from now. Everything was perfect until Wednesday, when my husband and I were called into a meeting at Madison’s school. We were surprised to discover that Madison was suspended for her involvement in aggressively bullying a transgender classmate, "Kelly", who had recently attempted to do something that I’m not allowed to say on this post. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t believe it at first, but after I forced Madison to show me her phone so that her father and I could look through her texts and social media, I was shocked to discover that not only was Madison involved, but she was the ringleader of a group of girls in her grade that bullied her. There were texts of Madison telling Kelly that she would never be a real girl and asking if she still had a penis. There were plans in the private group to pull Kelly’s pants and underwear down in the middle of the cafeteria to “prove” that she was a man. I also found posts on her social media where she referred to transgender women as “perverts” and “troons” (I am not sure what this means) and said that they would never be women. John and I were disgusted by Madison’s behavior. We raised our children liberally and consider ourselves LGBT allies, and Madison in particular has always been an outspoken feminist like me. When we got home from the meeting, we talked it over and decided that not only would Madison have no electronics for the rest of the year, but we would be cancelling her party too. We wouldn’t get the money back for the venue and most of the arrangements we made already, but we decided that this is what needed to be done. We informed Madison of our decision yesterday and she lost it, telling us that we were terrible parents for cancelling her Sweet 16 over a "boy" and that we were punishing her for speaking her mind when it wasn’t her fault Kelly did what she did. She begged us not to cancel it and said that this was her dream, but I told her that her behavior didn’t warrant having the party of her dreams. She went back to her room crying. We thought we did the right thing, especially when we told our two older daughters, but when we called John’s mother "Shannon" and told her that the party would be cancelled and why, she called us awful parents for crushing her dreams this way. Now we’re having second thoughts. AITA? *In the comments:* >NTA. You said that she considers herself a feminist, has she been reading up on TERF posts? It could explain her transphobic rhetoric. OP: I did see the word TERF used on some posts but I’m not sure what it means. *Note: TERF means "Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist." An advocate of radical feminism who believes that a trans woman’s gender identity is not legitimate and who is hostile to the inclusion of trans people and gender-diverse people in the feminist movement. Troon is a combo of Trans and cartoon or Trans and goon. >Nta, her behavior requires canceling her party. I would not be opposed to more punishment as she has dug her heels in and doesn't think her behavior needs to change. Relieve her of that notion. OP: What else would you suggest? We have already taken her electronics away and don’t plan to give them back until next year. I mean next year as in a full year from now. Sorry for the confusion. >Find a therapist who can talk to people who have been sucked in by cults. Because if she is using words like 'troon', she is deep in this hate cult. OP: Thank you. It does seem cultish. We absolutely plan to start her in therapy and are looking into it right now. As far as I know, the other girls have all been suspended, too. I think that Madison’s suspension is longer because she was the ringleader, but I’m not sure. And yes, we are banning her from ever spending time with those friends again. Thank you. [1st Update in r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zmncip/my_daughter_said_that_she_wishes_i_was_dead/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My daughter said that she wishes I was dead. My daughter "Madison" (16) began therapy last week to address her behavior. She organized a bullying campaign against a classmate and posted harmful social media posts for context. She has not been adjusting to therapy well because she believes that she did nothing wrong, and this has resulted in arguments between her, myself and my husband. If anything, I think this has caused her to double down on her behavior. This morning we got into an argument because I discovered her trying to steal her confiscated cellphone from my husband’s office. I took the phone back from her and plan to put it in his safe along with our other valuables, but she threw a fit when I took it and started to scream at me that she hates me and wishes I were dead. I have plans to tell Madison’s therapist, but I’m distraught by what happened. I keep sobbing and even woke my husband up from how loud I was. I never thought that one of my children would say this to me. I don’t know where I went wrong but I feel like a fool for not noticing this behavior sooner [2nd Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10aguus/update_my_daughter_said_that_she_wishes_i_was_dead/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) UPDATE: My daughter said that she wishes I was dead. [Previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zmncip/my_daughter_said_that_she_wishes_i_was_dead/) I wasn’t going to post an update but I felt that I owed it to all of the people who responded to my previous post. I’m sorry to report that "Madison" has only doubled down on her behavior in the weeks since my last post. She’s now refusing to talk to me unless it’s about dinner or to bully me into handing over her electronics. She has started at a new school this semester because we wanted to keep her away from her victim and the friends that she organized the harassment with, and she hasn’t adjusted to it well. As far as I know she has made no friends yet, but my husband "John" and I are refusing to transfer her back to her old school and this frustrates her. We also refuse to give her electronics or social media back to her, and it will stay that way for the rest of the year. Unfortunately, she blames "Kelly," the girl that she bullied for everything that’s happened, and it seems to have made her hatred for her worse. She has said a lot of derogatory things about her including slurs, so John and I have discussed with her therapist about enrolling our daughter in a LGBT sensitivity workshop aimed at teenagers. We have also discussed taking her to see a psychiatrist, and we have an appointment made for Tuesday. I wish I could say that things have improved, but my husband and I have formed a plan to get my daughter the help she needs. I hope to be back again with a more positive update next time [3rd Update in r/asklgbt](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLGBT/comments/10b076j/what_steps_can_i_take_to_help_my_daughter_realize/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) What steps can I take to help my daughter realize that her actions were wrong? She was active in “TERF” communities and aggressively bullied a transgender classmate. I posted about this on r/AmITheAsshole (since removed) and r/TrueOffMyChest, and a user from r/TrueOffMyChest privately messaged me and recommended that I post on this subreddit for advice. My apologies if this doesn’t belong here, please tell me if I should remove it. If you are triggered by mentions of violence, suicide attempt, sexual harassment and transphobia then I recommend moving to a different post. My husband "John" and I have always considered ourselves to be LGBT allies, and have raised our kids to support LGBT rights as well. However, we recently discovered that our daughter "Madison" (she is 16) was the ringleader in a violent bullying campaign against "Kelly," a transgender classmate that sadly attempted to take her own life as a result of the bullying. After looking through Madison’s text messages and social media, we were disgusted to find texts of her harassing Kelly, asking if she still had her genitals and telling her she would never be a “real” girl like her. There were also plans between her and the other girls involved to pull Kelly’s pants and underwear down in the school’s cafeteria. We also discovered that she was active in “TERF” communities on various websites, and posted hateful messages calling transgender women perverts and trying to “prove” that they aren’t “real” women. Obviously we are taking this very seriously. Her sixteenth birthday party was cancelled. We’ve pulled Madison out of her old school an enrolled her in a different one, her phone and electronics have been taken away for a year, she has started therapy and we have made an appointment with a psychiatrist. We also plan to sign her up for an LGBT sensitivity workshop aimed at teens. However, Madison has only doubled down on her behavior. She doesn’t seem to show any remorse over what she did and what happened to Kelly, because she thinks she did nothing wrong, and she hasn’t taken well to therapy or her new school. She has also attempted to steal her electronics back from my husband and I. I am trying to stay hopeful that the new environments will be good for her, but I am worried. So I decided to come to you all. What else can I do to make Madison realize the gravity of what she did? She has had no social media or phone for almost two months now, but she is still very stuck in the “TERF” mindset. Are there any resources available on how to deter this mindset? I’m unsure of what else to do aside from what we have planned, but I have seen people say that TERF is a gateway into other dangerous beliefs. *In the comments:* >Have you asked her what her preoccupation with Kelly is? Why is she so obsessed with this trans kid, and how did that lead to her being on hate groups? OP: I did try to ask her this, why she’s so occupied with this girl’s identity, but she told me that I wouldn’t understand why. I’ve been hoping that therapy would cause her to open up more, but since the current therapist doesn’t seem to be working I’m going to consult with my husband and try to find a new one. I did also try and get her to see the gravity of the situation by telling her that she took part in something that caused another girl to try and take her own life, and that things would be different if Kelly’s attempt had been successful. She told me that she didn’t care. I don’t know how else to make her see how serious this is. >Why do parents resort to taking cellphones, wifi, playstation, etc. You're making it worse I'm 32 btw reliving my parents tactics from reading your post. OP: I took my daughter’s electronics because she used electronics to spread bigotry and hate against the classmate she bullied and LGBT people. It also helped her to organize the bullying campaign with her friends. I’m sorry that you have terrible memories associated with your parents but I fail to see how it’s relevant here unless you also used social media and group chats to harass another classmate to the point where she felt the need to try and take her own life. >I can’t imagine how stressful this must be for you & everyone else involved. The online TERF indoctrination is real and I feel like that’s likely what happened here. I think you’re taking all the right steps. I don’t have much advice but I think it’s important to try and figure out what feelings led to her turning to these beliefs. The TERF community in particular often preys on young girls who feel helpess in a misogynistic society or who have been victimized by men. If you look into it you’ll see many of them have experienced trauma at the hands of men & see trans women as trying to invade their women-only safe spaces to victimize them further. Obviously not an excuse for their beliefs but that is often where it starts. Therapy is definitely the way to go, to get to the bottom of this … I was resistant to therapy in my teens but my parents just kept at it and eventually I opened up. OP: Yes, it’s been very stressful for me and my husband. Thank you for the advice. I wasn’t aware of that but I will try and get to the bottom of how she got indoctrinated into those spaces. It has been going on for a while at least because we found over six months worth of posts. We plan to continue with therapy. *Commenters recommended various articles, videos and groups. OP said she would be looking in to all of these suggestions and possibly trying a new therapist.* **This is a reminder: BE KIND in the comments. Do not comment on the original posts or contact the OP. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10smp5x/mom_cancels_her_daughters_sweet_16_because_she/

10smp5x

AITA for throwing away my coworkers sweater

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/Equivalent-Food-2522 in r/AmItheAsshole 3 months ago. The update post was deleted by AITA mods so was added to the original post as an edit. TW: >!theft!< &#x200B; **ORIGINAL**: [AITA for throwing away my coworkers sweater : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yzc65h/aita_for_throwing_away_my_coworkers_sweater/) \- 19th November 2022 My coworker 55m has a sweater that he wears everyday at work and leaves in the office overnight. He NEVER takes it home to wash and over the last month it has developed a distinct smell. At first I tried to make innocuous comments to him ("Do you smell something musty?" etc ) But he didn't catch on so last week I said to him "Hey that sweater is starting to give off a stench, could you take it home and wash it?" He replied "Nah that's not my sweater" and walked away which effectively ended the conversation. After he left one night I went to his desk and smelled the sweater and confirmed that nasty stank and it was so putrid up close (I have no idea how he lives like this) So I took the sweater on my way out and threw it in a dumpster out back. The next day he was looking around for it and asking everyone if they had seen it. I just shrugged and said "Nah haven't seen it today" (which was technically not a lie) I feel kinda bad but I can't live like that. We work in a 7 person office with no HR and our boss is not effective at dealing with issues do I felt like this was my only option. AITA? CLARIFICATION: when he said "that's not my sweater" he was referring to the stink not being his sweater. The sweater was in fact his (he's a bit of an oddball, but I can't imagine even he would wear a random stinky sweater that he didn't own) &#x200B; *Several commenters point out this was not OP's 'only option' and that what they did was illegal. OP added the following edits:* &#x200B; Edit: I see a lot of people suggesting that I had other options, and the ideas being brought up are frankly asinine. "Just spray some freeze and call it a day!" Have you ever sprayed febreeze is a bathroom where someone took a dump? Then you know it just combines with the shit smell and almost gives it a sort of power up. Next! "Tell HR about it" Some people have trouble reading it seems. I already said it's a small office with no HR. And our boss is incapable or unwilling to address situations like this. I did in fact bring it up to him and he said to "find a compromise" such as allowing him to wear the sweater 3 days a week. Not a problem solver this guy "Take it home and wash it for him" I don't think this one even warrants a response. I suppose I should ask the rest of the office if they have any laundry for me to take home so I can do it all at once? Edit 2: I see many people bringing up the legality of this and the police being called or this going to court. May I remind everyone we're talking about a sweater? I'd love to hear how that 911 call goes. "Officer! I need to report a missing sweater! Please send your forensics team out ASAP and track this lunatic down before the sweater thief strikes again! Or God forbid I get taken to sweater court! I hope the honorable Judge Cardigan takes pity on me and offers a reduced sentence if I do people's laundry while in prison. Get real people. Were talking about office squabbles, not grand theft sweater &#x200B; *Relevant comments:* *-* \[regarding lying about having seen the sweater\] Well I didn't technically lie. I said I hadn't seen it today, which was true since I threw it away the day before. I'm an honest person and made sure I didn't lie about it \- I'd do it again. I'll throw away as many sweaters as it takes if it means not having a smelly office \- There's no cameras and none of my other co-workers are snitches. They won't say anything &#x200B; *Judgement*: Asshole &#x200B; **UPDATE**: - 29th November 2022 Hey all, before the update I just wanted to apologize for getting so defensive in my original post. I've been feeling really stressed about the situation and I think my guilt expressed itself as anger. Even though I still don't agree with the alternative actions people offered I should have been more chill about it. So the update: We have a Monday morning meeting every week. I had planned to pull my coworker aside at lunch to tell him what happened and explain why I felt it was necessary. At yesterday's meeting my coworker took the opportunity during Other Business to bring up his sweater. He said that he felt disrespected and as multiple people have complained to him about the smell he hasn't been able to narrow down his suspects so he needs a full confession or he will be taking further measures. I thought about confessing but tbh his eyes had a crazy look and it made me feel unsafe so I kept my mouth shut. When no one said anything he stormed out of the office. My boss predictably did nothing 🙄 A couple hours later he returned with a guy who he said was his cousin and a police officer (though he was in normal clothes and had no badge or ID?). He said his cousin was going to be interrogating people individually all day. At this point my boss finally stepped in and said that wasn't happening and brought my coworker into his office. I don't know what happened in there but it got loud towards the end and I didn't see him for the rest of the afternoon. I found out the next day he was fired. Not exactly the outcome I wanted but it does solve my problem! &#x200B; *Please note: this is a repost. I am NOT the original poster.*

InADustyCorner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10snww9/aita_for_throwing_away_my_coworkers_sweater/

10snww9

Update on the OOP taking on AirBnB for letting a host get away with cameras aimed at the bed

NEW UPDATE

I am not OP. OP is u/AtypicalCommonplace. Trigger Warnings: >!Invasion of Privacy!< Original Post and Update here. Skip ahead to 🔴🔴🔴 for new update [**Airbnb Allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) September 30th 2022 Hey all, ironically I am a lawyer myself though I am no longer practicing and my area of expertise was way outside this scope - .. More on that below. In a nutshell, I booked a last-minute Airbnb in New York City listed it had security cameras. Fine, no problem, I understand having a camera at the outside of the door. Once the host received my booking I got an email asking me to confirm that I was aware that the cameras were inside the Apartment where I would be staying. Since this was also a studio apartment, that meant that the camera was inside of the room where I would be sleeping, changing, etc. I immediately asked the host to please call me, there were a number of other weird rules like me having to send him a picture of my ID even though I am outside on Airbnb of course, and while waiting 20 minutes for a call back I read some of the other views for other properties and realize this was all very very sketchy. Before the host called me back I let them know I wanted to cancel. The host said he would not accept my cancellation, even though this was less than one or two hours after I had booked, and was based on new information he gave me that was not previously accessible in the stated house rules or else were upfront in the listing. I said I would contact Airbnb. I spent about an hour on the phone with three different Airbnb people, the last told me that I would be receiving a refund. I verbally confirmed this before I went to a hotel and booked it based upon this statement from Airbnb. They asked me if I could send proof of the camera being inside of the room, I said that I didn’t even go over to the place and had no interest in doing so now, but I shared a screenshot of the hosts message to me. They said this was adequate for me to move forward and that afternoon I received a written note saying that I would be refunded and also reimbursed for a portion of my hotel stay. The next day, I received a message from Airbnb saying that they need the host to approve the cancellation and that they would really look into this on Friday. I was extremely confused because this totally contradicted the information I had been given and relied upon the day before. I called and was told I would receive a call that “soon“. After 48 hours I still had not received a call back so I called again. After explaining the situation the person on the phone said that I was right, that this was a violation, and that I would receive a refund as well as the reimbursement. I thanked him, confirmed I received the message, and went about my day. That night, I received another message from Airbnb, please note again that this was not a call just a random message saying that I would not get a refund after all. I once again called this morning, explain the situation, was told they would resolve it and that I was right, and then again, less than an hour later, got a message contradicting this fact and taking it back again. Obviously, I want my money back and I would like some sort of compensation for the fact that I have now spent over 10 hours on this issue with over a dozen Airbnb customer service people who apparently do not talk to each other nor do they know about or understand Airbnb is expressly stated policy that cameras one should not be in the bedroom and two need to be clearly Disclosed. Not to mention the fact that I relied upon information they gave me to book another place. But this is actually much bigger Than me. I used to be an attorney representing human trafficking survivors and I cannot tell you the number of times that unknown surveillance devices were used against them. Now, am I trying to say that just by sleeping in a room with a camera I would be pulled into some sort of underground human trafficking ring? No. But the consequences of surveillance in private areas where we sleep and dress, particularly at this point in time in the United States where I live, are simply too high to let this go. I need help figuring out what to do next. Thank you for any advice you can provide! ETA: Thanks all! Through my conversations with Airbnb today it has become clear that they believe there has been no violation even though there is a camera in the bedroom, because it is pointed at the door. By this point they have had five full days notice of cameras existing in private areas against their policies, and as this post has 30+ listings it could be extrapolated that there have been over 100 days of this issue occurring this week Alone. Many types of cameras can be operated remotely these days, meaning that if you can send it to have a camera in the bedroom, all someone would have to do was trigger the remote device to turn the camera 1 inch and have it be pointed on your body. I am sure I do not need to tell Reded about the nefarious things people do on the Internet and, when Airbnb states expectation of privacy by clearly outlining rules for cameras, I am entitled to that right of Privacy. I was also a lawyer representing survivors Of Human trafficking and domestic violence. I saw all the worst ways that people can use cameras. Throughout the day it is also come to my attention that this has happened to many other people. I’m going to be contacting a personal injury layer to see if An injunction can be placed against Airbnb requiring them to remove cameras from Any bedroom located Within any property. Will keep you posted… [**UPDATE in Case Against Airbnb Where Cameras Were In My Bedroom**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/zl58g9/update_in_case_against_airbnb_where_cameras_were/) [**REPOST Airbnb Update in case folks want to ask me Q's and I can answer publicly here!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) December 13 2022 [Link to initial post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) As per the mo[d comment - I created another post in case folks have Q's - happy to answer them!](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) Long story short - I booked a room on airbnb and later found out there was a camera inside the bedroom (it was a studio so everything was the bedroom.) Airbnb first said you are right, that is not ok, we will reimburse you and pay for 30% of the hotel I would have to book last minute. Then took it back. Then said I was right again. Then took it back again. And on and on. This was not only concerning to me personally but I believe it was a major safety issue that they were not taking seriously and that their customer service representatives clearly did not understand. I spent over 10 hours on the phone with them I tried to contact airbnb customer support and ask for escalation. No response. I then contacted their listed executives a number of times. No response. I then used an online platform claiming to "help consumers against big corporations." This company said they would take 20% of whatever i got back, fine, whatever, I just want airbnb to stop allowing cameras in bedrooms! Guess what? Airbnb did not respond. So I continued on and filed an arbitration case as per the terms of service when you use airbnb. Within TWO HOURS of the arbitration court contacting us about the matter, an ENTIRE TEAM of lawyers was sent by airbnb to go against me in my claim. Four lawyers, to be exact, each of which I am sure is billing multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. I shouldn't be surprised but the waste of resources astounds me. I am sure they are just trying to intimidate me and I am not falling for this BS. THIS is why all these companies charge so much. Because they refuse to handle basic customer service issues and then pass on these absurd things like lawyer fees to us, the consumer. Anyways, just wanted to update y'all. For everyone's info, it costs $200 to file with arbitration so the fact that I have to have so much time and resources to fight for what is right already has me really upset. But such is the way when it comes to David v. Goliath. I'll update as the case continues and thanks to everyone here who initially provided support and guidance! EDITED TO ADD: Airbnb scrubbed all the correspondence I had with them and the original host. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS screen shot EVERYTHING the MOMENT you think anything may be fishy! EDITED 2: To clarify/add more context. I myself am an attorney but I no longer practice and, even if I did, my background is in representing survivors of human trafficking. Why is this relevant? Well because the reason this makes me so angry is NOT just because of me. Want to know one of the many tactics used against my clients? You guessed it, recordings of them undressing/naked/sleeping, etc. At the worst they also drugged folks and taped them engaging in sex acts. Now, am I actually concerned that this would happen to me? No (it could but no). In part because I had the resources to refuse to stay and use a credit card to book a hotel. Some folks have mentioned in the other thread that I could have called the police but we know that calling the police doesn't feel like the safe option for everyone. So by allowing this airbnb is basically making someone choose between staying in a room with a video camera where they sleep/walk to bathroom/change, etc OR hoping they have extra $ to get a hotel OR feel ok calling the police. So I am fighting this because that is just absolutely unacceptable. EDITED THREE; Some folks have also asked why they went back on their offered refund. First they said that I had "notice" because the listing said it had security cameras. Never mind you that security cameras in private areas (such as where you sleep) is against airbnb policies. When I brought THAT UP the customer service rep had the audacity to say "well the host said it isn't pointed at the bed" (WHAAAAA?/?!?!) In case you are unaware of technological innovations, you can remotely move a camera to point towards anywhere in the room. Yeah no. I'm fighting this. EDIT FOUR: WOW Y'all, thanks so much! I will admit, I was a little freaked out yesterday when I saw the show of force airbnb tried to throw at me but you all have bouyed my spirits and given me fortitude for the fight. THANK YOU. But you also knocked off my AMA with my much-beloved-WW2-fighter pilot Great Uncle from my top post! LOL, He passed a few months ago so, in case you want to read a story of a REAL American hero - including an anecdote that continues to make me die of laughter - you can do so here-[https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im\_jack\_hallett\_a\_101\_year\_old\_ww2\_fighter\_pilot/](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im_jack_hallett_a_101_year_old_ww2_fighter_pilot/) 🔴🔴🔴 [**Second Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10mpq47/update_2_airbnb_and_cameras_were_going_to_court/) **Posted Jan 27 2023** [First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/zl58g9/update_in_case_against_airbnb_where_cameras_were/) **Side note: I have no idea where to answer folks questions as this forum doesn't allow comments on updates my last post on legal off topic was removed because "it is not an ama"** so if anyone knows where I can answer people's Q's and we can discuss this lemme know! <3 Well friends, looks like we are going to (arbitration) court\*! Airbnb "responded" to my complaint basically stating the following: 1. Airbnb has no liability for anything under their terms of service. Quote they used in their response from TOS section 18 "*W\*\*e provide the Airbnb Platform and all Content “as is” without warranty of any kind and we disclaim all warranties, whether express or implied."* Interesting side note they also explicitly stated that their background checks don't really mean anything which is fascinating to me as they really make a big deal about "safety." *Reminder - their own policies say that cameras in private areas/bedrooms is not permissible.* 2. Even if Airbnb was liable I waived all claims by signing said Terms of Service. 3. I can't sue airbnb because my alleged damages were the action of third parties and airbnb didn't cause any of them. *Which, reminder, isn't true because I expressly relied on Airbnb's customer service rep.* 4. I consented to whatever happened to me happening to me by signing the terms of service. 5. I am claiming more than I should get - ie they are saying I am "unjustly enriching" myself due to my wanting to be compensated for lost time. *Reminder I am a consultant and former lawyer who actually consults on these issues as a profession.* 6. \*"\*Laches" - which is unreasonable delay - *reminder I contacted them less then five minutes after discovering the issue.* 7. I failed to mitigate any damages - *see my first post - this is probably the most laughable* So - WE ARE GOING TO (arbitration) COURT\*! An arbitrator was assigned today and a court date is upcoming. Now, some of y'all may think it is not good of me to be posting this as airbnb and their lawyers (hi) may see it but, if you have read my previous posts, you know that this isn't about me specifically but about the madness of what airbnb is doing and shedding light to y'alll about what may happen if you have a known safety issue against airbnb's own internal policies. Reminder - companies that use arbitration clauses do it ***specifically so that these issues are kept out of the public eye*** because they are not public record like typical lawsuits are. So I'm here letting y'all know. Final reminder: Airbnb now has to pay $2,900 in filing fees for the case. There is a $2500 day rate for the arbitrator and the law firm coming against me has four lawyers working on this. They are paying way more than they would have ever owed me (which, reminder, they told me they would give me). I ask you why? Why would they do this unless they truly and deeply believe it is **ok for there to be cameras in your space despite what their policies say.** And/or this is the beginning of a new trend for airbnb to refuse to take any responsibility for anything occuring to you while you use their platform. I'll keep y'all posted as to what happens next. \*Yes yes, [I know arbitration isn't technically cour](https://legal.thomsonreuters.com/blog/arbitration-vs-litigation-the-differences/#:~:text=In%20simple%20terms%2C%20arbitration%20is,%2C%20no%20jury%2C%20no%20courtroom)t but this whole thing is so infuriating I'm taking my kicks where I can get them ;)

boringhistoryfan

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10teee3/update_on_the_oop_taking_on_airbnb_for_letting_a/

10teee3

OP has her marriage obliterated after her neighbour uses photos of her husband to catfish women online.

CONCLUDED

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost:*** **NOTE: I saw the original post back when it was first published and was extremely curious about how this would play out. Shoutout to** u/Embarrassed_Advice59 **for bringing the update to my attention. I would've completely miss it!** &#x200B; **Trigger warning:** >!catfishing, assault, mentions of cheating.!< &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/rekindle_relationship_with_my_husband_after/)**, on** r/relationship_advice, **November 28th 2022.** **Rekindle relationship with my husband after neighbour's husband admitted being the catfish** Hello everyone! My husband (35M) and I (30F) (married for 8 years) have been separated for the last 14 months, and I need help and advice on how to rekindle our relationship. We are currently not on speaking terms, and all our arrangements go through our lawyers, but I will have an opportunity over Christmas to clear the air and set things straight, as he will be flying in from Sydney to spend time with the kids. So what happened? I received a Facebook message in September last year that my "husband" was talking and exchanging naked photos with other women on Tinder. We spoke on the phone for a bit, and the only proof she had was a screenshot of their conversations and his profile. Long story short, I downloaded Tinder and found his profile, with his location less than 1km away. I was convinced that he was cheating, and we had a terrible fallout that evening which led to my family coming over to calm the situation, but instead, it escalated when my brother punched and grabbed hold of my husband. The neighbours called the police and my husband was asked to pack a few things and stay elsewhere for a while. We separated shortly after, and he has since moved to Sydney to be closer to his ailing father but sees our kids for a weekend twice a month. Fast forward to the beginning of November this year, my neighbour rocked up at my doorstep to tell me that her husband was catfishing women on dating apps using my husband's photos. He downloaded these photos from a Macbook that we lent him during COVID, and some of these photos were of intimate nature...and of me. The police are currently dealing with this. All of this has been relayed to my husband through his lawyer, but his response has been lukewarm, and he said we could talk about it over Christmas. I am so scared that we might be down too far the rabbit hole and that he will likely push for a divorce, even though I know that we love each other deeply, but this took a massive toll on our mental health, finances and the wellbeing of our three kids. **What is the best way to approach him in December and make amends?** TLDR- Neighbour used husband's photos to catfish women on Tinder for naked photos- Husband and I separated because I thought he was cheating- Neighbour's wife told me what her husband did- Police investigating- Want to rekindle and make amends with husband &#x200B; **Some comments:** >*Your husband experienced something that you will never understand:* > >*A false accusation.* > >*An assault from your brother.* > >*Spousal alienation.* > >*No rite of recourse against the false accusation.* > >*A complete lack of loyalty from his wife.* > >*A complete lack of respect from his wife.* > >*The loss of the life he had from a false allegation.* > >*Parental alienation from his children.* > >*Familial alienation from his in laws.* > >*Alienation from friends.* > >*The police were called and he had to leave.* > >*You separated from him.* > >*Your husband has already completed his grieving process.* > >*You ask are you too far down the rabbit hole. YES.* > >*I am afraid there is no going back for you. You chose to not listen to him when he said it was not him.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/comment/iy30b6v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>I agree. I don't think there's coming back from that. >> >>I understand you had reasons to believe he might be cheating, but it seems he had no chance to defend himself and getting your family involved made everything even worse. He was punched and was told to leave his house by the police, has been living away from his kids for the past 14 months and has been treated as a villain by friends. >> >>You say you love him, but I don't think love could erase everything you two have been through and rebuild trust. &#x200B; >*Oh and here’s another thought. Perhaps reach out to any and all of his old friends - make sure they all know the truth.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/comment/iy37zgu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>*Yeah, OP. Try to salvage what you can for him.* >> >>*But I think the way things happened would have been very damaging.* >> >>*To be clear, I'm not blaming you for wanting to leave when you had clear proof (from your perspective at the time) that he had cheated. It's a reasonable reaction.* >> >>*But the way it took place seems so insanely violent and dramatic... You two got screwed over, not just by your neighbour, but also by your brother. Punching someone is never acceptable. It would have been a sucky and inappropriate reaction even if your husband had in fact cheated! Now imagine how your husband must have felt, considering it was entirely unwarranted.* >> >>*Being married is being part of a shared family. The fact that your family got in the middle of it and bodily hurt him would make anyone think twice about getting back in.* >> >>*If you really really really work hard on mending those bridges, if you ensure everyone takes stock and is accountable for their mistakes (and that includes your brother) then you might rebuild your relationship, but it will most probably take time.* &#x200B; >*Damn you two really got fucked over by your shitty neighbor. I feel bad for both of you and your kids. I get why you believed he was cheating and I get why he might not want to rekindle the relationship. What an all round crappy situation.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/comment/iy3hbag/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>*This sub: cheaters are the worst, leave someone who cheats on you. Don't give them a second chance, don't let them lie to and manipulate you.* >> >>*Also this sub: OP is the devil because she couldn't divine that this clear-cut case of cheating was instead a highly unlikely series of events that resulted in her husband's private photos on an active tinder account in her direct vicinity and proof of that account engaging with women.* >> >>*Like what the shit, my dudes. Both OP and her husband got fucked over hard by this POS neighbour who is now dealing with the police. It's very uncool that shit got physical, but otherwise OP did what one would expect of her. They're both victims.* >> >>*If OP came on here and laid out the evidence before the truth came to light, none of the users shitting on her now would have been like "talk to him, maybe your neighbour borrowed your computer, stole his photos, and is elaborately catfishing people from ten feet away?!"* &#x200B; >*Hey, tough one. Here’s a thought though, perhaps focus your efforts and intention not on getting back together, but 100% on unfucking this whole thing up for him. Imagine all the things that he lost, all the people who’s opinions of him changed, everyone you ever spoke to and told about his “infidelity” and everyone they spoke to; every single little embarrassment, every indignity that happened to him, what your family said and did that would have hurt, every colleague, every other parent from school, then bank manager, realestate people every single person that got the wrong idea. And correct them.* > >*Own your mistake, position it as your failure to believe him, rebuild his reputation. Then set about correcting the tangible harm done - the financial losses, the physical harm, the struggle you put him through. Consider each and every thing that must have been sucked for him, and then of course the biggest thing - the kids.* > >*You were swindled, without doubt, but despite your innocence in terms of intent, your actions still caused great harm and were negligent. Think manslaughter not murder. Either way, you do time for the harm committed, whether the intent was there or not.* > >*Focus all of your attention on making him as close to whole as possible. If you do this, there will be one of two outcomes:* > >*He still does not forgive you (and if this be the case then you will have helped fix the life and reputation of an innocent man, and you can look yourself and your children in the face and honestly say that although you made a terrible mistake, you did everything you could to make it right). Or;* > >*He will see the sincerity (which you better have because he will know if you are trying to seduce him into rekindling the relationship) and he will begin the process of forgiving you for your part in what happened to him.* > >*All I can say is that you had better demonstrate an absolute 100% siding with him as it relates to your family (publicly and otherwise), and you will have to be patient. He will get triggered about something this traumatic from time to time irrespective of your efforts and his forgiveness.* > >*If you truly want to get square with him, then you may find yourself apologising for many years to come, you may find yourself having to wear unprovoked fits of rage, unprovoked fits of depression, and separation from your family at yearly milestones.* > >*Your commitment to him and to the cause of making him hole again will be what determines if any civil relationship (let alone romantic one) is possible.* > >*Oh and one final thing, you had better be up front with him about any relationships or nights with other men. He will want to know and if you deceive him at all when asked then you are completely fucked. If you are to salvage this then sincerity and honesty are the only way to truly achieve it.* > >*Chin up there, it is possible. I had some friends that separated for almost 2 years. Neither were with anyone else, but they have managed to find their way back together and some 3 years later welcomed a second child to their family, so there is hope.* > >*I sincerely hope to hear a positive update in 6 months time. You and your family back together again and making great progress on his PTSD and yes, your romance blossoming.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/comment/iy34dlo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Wow, what a mess. I'm glad the police are involved in what that neighbor did. As for you and your husband, a lot is going to depend on two things:* > >*How much you both really do still love each other* > >*How difficult it is for you both to have a truly serious, heart-wrenching, emotionally exhausting conversation* > >*His logical side will likely understand why you thought it was true -- after all, there were pictures. It would be easy to believe it was true. But his emotional side is going to be deeply hurt that you didn't believe him over the "evidence". All you can do is sit down and try to work through it. Good luck to you.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z6rr8v/comment/iy2uurx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Thank you. I thought having a therapist present might help, but I have doubts and think it is better not to involve others. The aftermath was devastating for us both, and more so for him when his friends and my family wrote him off. I still love him and never stopped, but I know it will be on his terms if he is willing to give it another chance. I am willing to do whatever it takes.* >> >>>*What have you done to make amends and clear his name ? Have you notified his friends and family that he was falsely accused, and had been faithful the entire time ? Has your family apologized ? Have his friends reached out and apologized ?* >>> >>>*Take a look at the definitions of regret (that this happened) vs remorse (for the pain you caused him). I don't hear or feel remorse in your words, and I don’t see remorse in your actions.* &#x200B; [**Update post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10nzu00/update_35m_30f_neighbour_catfishing_women_using/)**, on** r/relationship_advice, **January 29th 2023 (posted under a new account since OOP's attempt at posting** **on her original account, failed).** **Update (35M & 30F) : Neighbour catfishing women using husband's (35M) photos** Hello everyone. I have had quite a few people ask for an update on what happened after we discovered that my neighbour was using my ex's photos to catfish other women. Unfortunately, after having sat down and discussed things, it was decided that our marriage was beyond repair and that we should go our separate ways. He is currently in therapy and has requested that we have a clean break with no further contact in the future - I intend to respect his wishes and will continue to communicate through his lawyer on matters that concern our kids. I have since cleared the air with our families and friends and still actively work towards repairing his reputation. I would also like to clarify the assault and why my parents came over in the first place. The night of the argument, I called my mother to ask if I could drop off our kids and if they could spend the evening there, but she was concerned about my emotional state and asked that I stay put and they would come to fetch the kids instead. They arrived, and my brother opted to stay outside while my parents came inside to grab the kids and their bags. At this point, my father asked to talk to my ex and calm the situation, and my mum dragged me away to get the kids and their bags ready. My brother was very confused when we came outside and was triggered by my mum saying that my ex might have cheated. My brother reacted the moment my ex walked out and grabbed my arm (in a non-violent way), leading to the punch and scuffle on the front lawn. He was remorseful and apologised even before we found out my ex was not to blame. It is a series of unfortunate events that has changed many lives and robbed my family of our love and happiness. Now I have to focus on my kids, my depression and coming to terms with the divorce. I will never forget, but hopefully, the pain won't be as intense. &#x200B; **Some comments:** >*Well things went way to far and I can very much understand why your husband left. I would seriously be considering cutting your brother out of your life for a while and also really consider your reaction to this and how it all went terribly wrong.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10nzu00/comment/j6cf69a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*That poor guy.* > >*Loses his marriage, kids, gets assaulted, his whole life turned upside down. My heart hurts for him. I can't imagine the grief and angst he's gone through.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10nzu00/comment/j6fimvt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Whew I remember the original post to this and I predicted that your ex husband wouldn’t rekindle this. Too much damage has been done. Umm you call it a scuffle on the front lawn…I mean he was assaulted by your brother. Praying for your ex and I hope you can heal from this.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10nzu00/comment/j6f0i02/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10tma88/op_has_her_marriage_obliterated_after_her/

10tma88

My boyfriend asked for a paternity test. As soon as the results show he's the father, I'm leaving him

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/imshattered_ in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 1, '23, updated Jan 21st and Jan 27. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/101126z/my_boyfriend_asked_for_a_paternity_test_for_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My boyfriend asked for a paternity test for our child. As soon as the results come and show he is the father, I'm leaving him. I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great. I have a bf of 3 years who is the first person relationship wise I have ever loved and I thought we were doing great as new parents but also as partners. Friday, he came home and he asked me for a paternity test. Just like that, it was completely out of the blue. I was putting away the dishes and he asked for one, like he was asking what was for dinner. I'm a different race from him but our child, apart from the skin tone, is literally his mirror image from pictures I had seen of him when he was a baby. I was stunned when he asked and his reasons were that he had to be sure he was the father, he had to have that certainty. All I remember as he was speaking is just immediately feeling pain. The man I love doesn't trust me. He would actually believe that I would fuck someone else, cheat on him, and then try to pass off another man's baby as his. I have never ever given him reason to think I would cheat on him. I have tried to be transparent and communicated and it wasn't enough. He told me he would give me time to think about this, that he wouldn't go behind my back and do this test but for our relationship to move forward, he needs to be 100% sure. He repeated this because he, in his words, "needed me to realize how serious he was". After thinking for a couple of days, I'm going to allow him this paternity test because I have nothing to hide. I never cheated and would have never cheated on him. Once it's proven that he's the father, I'm ending it, leaving the same day and I am going to try my best to be a cooperative coparent with him. In the meantime, I'm coming up with my exit plan, a place to live, and a lawyer to work out a custody arrangement and court. I can't even tell my family or my friends right now because they would go nuclear and my first priority is our child. I hope the test was worth it to him. I'm not asking for advice or reassurance or to explain his side. I just, I'm just realizing this part of my life is now over. What a way to start the new year, huh. [1st Update 3 Weeks Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/imshattered_/comments/10i5upl/we_did_the_paternity_test_my_bf_wanted/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) We did the paternity test my bf wanted. My post was removed. So I'm going to post it here. It's been a couple of weeks since I posted and I have just been navigating things after. I'm going to call my bf, Mason to keep things clear. This is going to be long, I'm sorry. Also, Why post on Reddit? I don't know guys, I don't know. To clarify a few things: 1. We're different races but to my knowledge, his family plus extended is more than ok with it. His mother actually set us up. I went to a dinner party and he and I were the only single people who had been invited and we hit it off. She admitted to trying to set us up for months. 2. We have had no issues with cheating or any situations where things could be sketchy during the years we have been together. We also haven't broken up or taken any breaks. 3. Our son is his mirror image. My bf confided to his cousin about the paternity test a couple of days after he asked me and the cousin told his wife and it spread like wildfire, especially in their family group chats. His mom put an end to the speculation though by doing a half and half pic of him and our son but also by adding some additional individual pics of both of them. She posted the pictures in the family group chat and said, "look at the old pics I found of Mason". After people commented, she said, actually the one on the right is my grandchild, or this one isn't Mason. Literally the family members just thought that it was the same person in all of the pics and that some of the photos were taken in darker lightning. That is how much our son looks like him which I find funny but also a little annoying, like I carried you for 9 months, all for you to be a copy of your dad. I didn't see the group chat but the topic died down when his mom did that. Anyway, we talked. When I had made the first post, I was so angry and planned to leave but the anger was quickly replaced by hurt once I calmed down. I realized if I blindsided him like that, i would be doing the exact same thing that he did to me, when he asked for a paternity test. I planned to ask him to talk but I also didn't want him to think I was trying to get out of the test. So beforehand, I booked an appointment at two different paternity test locations. I asked him to talk when he came home and I made sure our child was at my mom's. I told him that whatever happened with this talk, the paternity tests had been booked and would go forward. I basically asked him his reasoning and, when he started having doubts about paternity. Was it a previous relationship, did cheating happen? He said it was about a week before he asked me that he started having doubts. He said that he was on his lunch break one day just reading articles and he clicked on an old article about a man who found out his three kids weren't his after like 20 years. This led him into a rabbit hole of podcasters and YouTube videos that encouraged men to ask for paternity tests. While he thought those podcasters were idiots, he said that paternity was an exception. He said his reasoning was that some women have done this before and he wanted to be sure. He said "you know it's yours because the baby comes out of you but how do I know?" "The test gives me that assurance." I was hurt by that but I decided to explain how I felt. I said thatfor him, it was a rational request while for me, it was basically him saying that he didnt trust me. It was him saying that he believed "I would cheat on him, get pregnant, have him emotionally, financially, and physically support me during the pregnancy, and birth and basically lie to him while he raised another man's child". I told him that I understand that women had done this before but the fact that HE thought I would do this to him is what bothered me. I told him the truth, that when I was angry, I had planned to leave and that I even went looking into a lawyer, a co-parenting plan, and a new place to live. He was stunned, that I would leave for something so small. I found that to be a weird kind of irony, that he believed issuing an ultimatum about a paternity test and basically accusing your partner of cheating was something small. I told him I was really hurt by what he said, that I was still hurt but that if he needs this peace of mind, that we would do it. He asked what about our relationship and I told him, I didn't know. We did the test 2 days later, got the results back after 3 days. He opened both of them and to the surprise of no one, he's the dad. He was visibly relieved when he read the tests and I don't know why that hurt more. It's been about 2 weeks from the results and I'm still really hurt. God, I sound so pathetic. I feel pathetic. I thought the results would maybe relieve some of that but it didn't. It's like a switch clicked when he asked for the test and I can't find a way to click it off. I'm pretty sure post partum is playing a part in this because all I do is cry and I wasn't like this before. I have also moved into the spare room, something he was against but I felt bad because apart from when our son is awake, I'm sad all the time. I am looking for a therapist(I don't know how people find therapists they like so quickly btw) and he wants to do couples therapy and he's looking for one. He already has a few appointments booked just to try them out. He wants to move on, marriage, more kids in the future and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger. While I'm just thinking, our relationship right now is weaker than a person on stilts. I don't know if I would say we are together. The physical affection is gone(I'm not in the right mindset and I don't want him to touch me), we rarely talk about anything but the baby, it's awkward, and I'm trying to find a way back to where we were and I can't see how. I'm going to try to fix this and try therapy( individual and couples) but I just have this feeling that this is basically a sinking ship. I hope I'm wrong. I want very much to be wrong. Edit: I really appreciate the kind messages. I know some people are worried but I have a contingency plan in place. I have a lawyer. I have gotten a child care/custody plan worked up during these two weeks. I've told my family who are mostly close by. I have a rental property I own and can go to. Our finances are separate so I'm good there. I know myself and I know I'm not in the right headspace right now. I'm staying in the spare room. There is no affection. Therapy, individual or couples, will hopefully help me and will hopefully reaffirm that I had the right idea in the beginning. It's not as easy to move when there's a child. So I'm making sure that I'm mentally well, our child is good, and then I'll make a decision. Thank you though for all your kindness and perspectives. I really appreciate it. [2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/imshattered_/comments/10n7el0/i_left/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I left. Things have gone downhill and under advisement, I can't really discuss it until things have been settled in court. I guess I'm really a cautionary tale on what can go wrong. Please if you have concerns with your partner, discuss things beforehand, especially before you have a child. Thank you again for your different perspectives. Hoping to have everything settled eventually. *Flairing this ongoing as OP mentions discussing the details after it's all settled. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10tym1u/my_boyfriend_asked_for_a_paternity_test_as_soon/

10tym1u

OOP wants to be a better partner and mother

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is [throwRA_wifey21 ](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwRA_wifey21?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) **How can I be a better partner and mother?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [How can I be a better partner and mother ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/m6ugcc/how_can_i39f_be_a_better_partner_and_mother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)    **March 17, 2021** Before COVID I(39F) used to think I'm the best example of a working mom who can handle everything and that my husband(37M), K, is just a slightly better version of your stereotypical man-child husband who spends more time on games than with me or our kids 11F and 7M. I work in corporate law while he works in the pharmaceutical industry so when all this started, I was trapped at home and he was still working since it's more his field. I still maintained my usual schedule as I would at work and my commute time was used to check up on kids and make sure they eat lunch and are attending classes. I did notice K's efforts with the kids as he took care of homework while he played his video games and did one of his only 2 chores which was cooking. Little did I know how taxing can cooking 3 meals for 4 can be. We were very rarely intimate and only when I initiated and even then sometimes he would just say he was tired. When we were intimate, I'd just end up doing all the work or just get turned off by his lack of enthusiasm and effort. I honestly contemplated leaving him or just starting an affair multiple times. I was exhausted and felt like the only one putting any effort in our family and relationship. Then last month, K tested positive and was quarantined in the basement for 2 weeks. I took time off from work since I felt like I will have even more responsibilities and it would be a nice excuse to just take a break. It was a good decision cause I found out how much K is involved with everything. He is a far more involved parent than I am. He managed to keep these 2 kids happy and entertained all the time. I neve thought it was this hard. On top of that cooking is not as easy as it seems. It's very difficult to think of what to cook and making sure you can make it in time for all 3 meals. I don't really get a lot of the kids homework, all this was so long ago and so irrelevant today for me that my husband eventually had to tag in. Despite his health, he managed to play with them using video calls. He is so creative. I never really appreciated that. He role played with by pretending to be a character from a Disney TV show while my daughter and son pretended to play a platypus and a mad scientist, I think you guys know what I'm talking about. He even gave them weird tasks and scavenger hunts to keep them entertained. Had he not been involved in this, I would've just had a mental breakdown dealing with 2 bored kids after all I did everyday. I started self analyzing my role in the kids life, sure I knew their teachers, doctors and allergies and stuff like that but that is the minimum. I realized that my schedule is very self serving. We both work full time but I get back around 7 while he comes home by 5. When I come back, I usually see him playing video games and I would go on a run for about come back and shower and dinner would be prepared and our lunch boxes are in the fridge for the next day. After dinner I would watch my TV shows and then meet him in bed around 11 and if I initiate and he feels like it, we're intimate. In this entire day the only time I interact with the kids was during dinner. This revelation honestly shocked me. I don't even tuck them in or anything. In the morning he wakes them up, gets them ready for school and, when in person, drops them off before heading to work. He is also the one who picks them up. I on the other hand wake up leisurely eat the breakfast already on the table and then leave for work. During weekends, I get to have a girls night on Saturdays and brunch on Sundays religiously and he sometimes goes to meet his friends on Fridays but stays in often because I make him by complaining or starting arguments as I feel neglected. After this self analyzing I started monitoring my husband just hoping for a slip up that show he's just as bad as me cause honestly I couldn't take the fact that I was so hands off. He is constantly playing and hanging with the kids. The hour of video games that I felt was so selfish of him is literally the only hour in the day that he gets to himself. When I'm watching my TV shows, he's still playing with them. Sometimes they play Minecraft(I took a peek in their world and they've made huge structures), sometimes they play with action figures and dolls. He's so engrossed into it that it's like he's one of the kids. He does all of this while sitting on the ground next to me with them. All the times I felt like he doesn't show me affection, he constantly rubs my calf or lays his head against my knees as I sit on the couch so focused on these dumb reality tv shows to notice. No wonder he's always so exhausted by the end of the day. Last weekend I decided to stay home rather than go out and I saw them play with their homemade snakes and ladder game on Saturday night. On Sunday after breakfast, they brought out a huge box of junk which they then used to make their own "command center" for their "spaceship" and roleplayed for the next 2 hours. I never knew they made these things. I felt so left out and awkward because I wanted to get involved like K but just didn't see any place for myself. I don't think they'll ever be as engaged with me as they are with him. I can only wonder how he's coping with all of this on his own silently. I bet he's enjoying himself but it seems so taxing. I feel so jealous of him and angry with myself. I've been blaming him this entire time while he's been the primary caretaker for the kids while I lived an almost childfree lifestyle. How do I get better at this? They seem so content with themselves I've been wondering do they even need me? I feel like if I don't do something now, I'll lose my family. How much more can he sacrifice? I've already lost years with all three of them. [Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/maukd7/update_how_can_i39f_be_a_better_partner_and_mother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)    **March 22, 2021** So I honestly was very very scared on how to even begin but the day after I posted, I saw an opening with my kids and I jumped on it. So I was working in my office and during my lunch break, I walked in on them making paper airplanes by watching a video online and I decided to join in. As I was helping them make the planes I could just sense this aura of confusion from them since I only ever talked about school and when I first approached them, they had this guilty expression and I guess just imagined that I was there to scold them for making noise or wasting time or something. This broke my heart that my kids saw me in such a negative light. I always thought I would be the fun parent who hangs out with kids and stuff but I can clearly see I am nowhere near that image I had. I don't even think I can call myself a parent honestly, at least not yet. So we spent the afternoon making and racing paper planes and this gave me the idea of doing origami with them. I used to love origami in college. So I ordered a stack of origami paper when I returned to work. The rest of the day was still the same with me working, my husband coming home and after playing games making dinner and I went for my run. After dinner, I was still unsure how to approach my husband and we just continued our routine. At bedtime, I told my husband to relax and that I'll take them to bed and tuck them in. My daughter was surprisingly very happy with this but my son insisted that only his father can tuck him in so we took one kids each. This did hurt my feelings but I guess I shouldn't expect them to take me back seeing as I have been absent emotionally for so long. While tucking her in she did tell me how much fun it was making paper airplanes and quietly asked if we could do it again tomorrow. I quite enthusiastically said yes and stayed there till she fell asleep. When I came out my husband was already in our bed on his phone. He looked exhausted. We didn't talk much and I just got changed and climbed in. Usually I'm finishing my shows but I came in early. I was expecting a reaction from him but he didn't say anything. I was about to bring up everything from my last post but chickened out and just went to sleep instead. I don't know how to even begin talking to him about it. I thought of showing him my last post but I don't think I can. I mentioned how I contemplated starting an affair since I felt my needs weren't being met and I can't let my K know how close I was to destroying everything. He was cheated on before by an ex and it broke him for a good year and a half. I don't want him to think there something to worry about because there isn't. At the same time it's just impossible to talk to him since I just can't face him or look him in the eyes and tell him how I've been blaming him for my own failures for so long and letting resentment build against him. How does one even go about it? So this is what's been happening every day for the past 5 days. I've been doing origami with the kids during lunch and tucking my daughter in at night although I attempt to do it for both my kids every time. I've also been waking up early for breakfast and have been cutting down on my running time so that I can just sit at the table with the kids while they do their homework. I tried helping my husband with cooking but he just pushes me out since he has his own system and doesn't want it disturbed. I also have been returning his affections post dinner when they play Minecraft while I watch TV. While he rubs my calf every now and then and lays his head against my knee, I play lightly with his hair. I know he likes to be patted and used to do it all the time when we were dating. He was a little startled at first but now he just smiles when I do it. Our nights haven't changed as we both just sit in our bed on our phones and him just looking exhausted. I know I can't make any meaningful change until I talk to him but it's just so hard. I just don't know what to do. I mean I know what to do but just can't do it cause it seems so scary. How do people do this? So that's what's happened so far. I plan on talking this out with my in-laws since they have treated my like their own daughter since day one and hopefully can help me talk to my husband about this. It used to be so easy to talk to K about anything and he would have the best response to everything. How did I become this person who can't even talk to the most understanding and sweetest man I've ever known? I wish he could just read my mind, give me his melting smile and just hold me and tell me everything is gonna be fine and just never let go. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** AnxiousAd6311 commented: >Just show him the post if you can’t muster the courage to talk to him it’s not hard to give him your phone or tell him the reddit name. I also didn’t see where’s you were thinking of an affair maybe you 2 should have therapy cut down on you Saturday and Sunday’s. and maybe change the show from a reality show to one you both want to watch. OOP replied >Check my last post. I mentioned there how I felt there was no intamacy and I almost thought of starting an affair [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mtig7g/update_ii_how_can_i39f_be_a_better_partner_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)   **April 18, 2021** So it's been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened and something that happened recently that reminded me of this account. Let's start at the beginning I recently realized that I was/am a terrible partner and wife who's been checked out for at least the last 4 years. I came here for help and have been trying to improve. The week after my original post, I made some effort to get involved with the kids and had been getting along with my son but my daughter was still hesitant and my husband was oblivious to my revelations and efforts. I was too scared to talk to him about these things and no matter how much I prepared myself, I always chickened out, more on this later. So after I made my update post, my husband came to me late the next day after work looking miserable. Apparently he'd been given so much work that he couldn't spend anytime with us for the foreseeable future and said that he wanted my help with the kids. Honestly, it felt like he wasn't asking his partner for help but begging a stranger for any kind of assistance. That hurt so bad. I of course seeing this as another opportunity to be the partner and mother they deserve, jumped on it. I made sure to tell him that he doesn't to need ask me like that and that they were my kids as well and that he's my husband and I'll do whatever I can to help and support him out. After I said that, the expression of pure relief and delight will forever be imprinted in my memory. How bad must I've been for him to find such joy in me just doing my bare minimum duty? So for the few weeks I became the primary care taker of the kids. He's still help with homework while I couldn't help at all. I tried taking it over for a few days but it took 3 times as long for us to finish it since i had to look things up for my daughter and we ended up staying past the kids bedtime. So instead, i decided on making dinner but my husband interwind and ordered takeout. Apparently the reason my husband has cooked our entire relationship is because I am a terrible one and he didn't want me to know :( What does he even see in me? I can't cook, can't help with homework, can't be an involved mother or partner. At that point I felt so defeated that i'm sure i physically expressed it cause he just gave me a back hug and smiled and said that he loved me. I didn't let this stop me and I decided if I couldn't help out in these ways, there are other things I can do. I decided to make sure that I know everything about my kids and help them or even entertain them anyway I can. So everyday after work instead of going on the run, I took my daughter on walks while my son rode his bicycle around the block. Since the days are longer now, I thought this would be a fun activity. During this time, I now know that: • My girl wants to be a scientist like her dad, • She likes this ice cream shop in a mall nearby which only has a few flavors but they taste amazing. • She wants to learn Korean(my husband has been helping her with some basic korean for months now since he learnt it to impress my family, I didn't know this, yet another failure on my part) so she can talk with my parents in their native language. • She loves K-pop and her favorite group is Mamamoo, looks like she has my taste in music :) • And she wants to learn how to do her hair. So since then, I've been talking to her in Korean, since it's my native language, during our walks and have been helping her with the work books my husband got. Surprisingly she's been picking it up really fast and has inspired my son to learn it as well. Every night I've been tucking both of them in and when I get to bed, my husband is just waiting for me to learn about my day and after sooo long, we've finally been getting intimate and it's been amazing. The weekend pretend games they use to play with their father still happen but he has asked me to sub in a few times so he can work. Well, I have to say my kids are incredible in making up scenarios and then just improvising as it goes. Clearly they learnt it from my husband. Despite all his good qualities, I know for a fact he's an incredible tale spinner and can lie through his teeth and you would neve find out or even suspect him. It honestly used to terrify my when I first saw him do it but he has been nothing but honest with me our entire relationship since he doesn't like it when he lies. So during these games, I still feel the odd one out but my kids don't pick up on that. Sure I'm not as great as their father but I think at this point, I can hold my own. I've tried doing their improvising thing or coming up with scenarios and although they love it, I can tell you, I say some of the most cringey, cheesy lines and ideas you have ever heard and I can audibly hear my husband hold back his laughter when he hears them. This brings us to yesterday morning, my daughter wanted to play mario kart with my husband but he said he was a bit busy but he could watch and asked her to ask me. I've never played this game but said yes. Suddenly, I could see it in my husband eyes the gears in his head started turning. He said that we should play after lunch. Post lunch he came out with this cardboard box with slits in it and empty soda can's attached to the back. So here's the rules, we're supposed to drive the car like an actual car. If we move forward, then we have to press the accelerator, if we drift, we have to press the brakes. We used the switch steering wheel things to play. My son was to see our feet and the game to make sure the rules are followed, if you fail, then you get a 3 second penalty each time. It was so much fun that we played for hours but let me tell you, this was the hardest thing ever and I could honestly say we both "hated" him and my son for making us play like this. It was so hard but it was worth it cause afterwards my daughter asked if we could play like this every weekend and let me tell you, that made me feel like I had just accomplished something amazing. Despite it, I could just feel the hesitance and desperation behind that request, she still had her guard up. I don't really blame her. I've been a shitty mom. After we put the kids to sleep, my husband confessed something to me. After I wrote my last update, I forgot to log out and my husband, who is an avid redditor found the account and read through everything. These past few weeks he has been testing to see if I would actually do something with these epiphanies I've had or am I just gonna revert back or quit halfway. He never had that additional work. He has just been playing game on his laptop while monitoring my actions to see if I really meant everything i said in my previous posts. He said, he is willing to work towards fixing things and that he loves me but he doesn't completely trust me either. He said he's been alone in this relationship for quite a while and these weeks of having an actual active partner has been more liberating than he thought they would. He made it clear that although he was content with the way things used to be up to point, he was considering separating since everything just felt like a burden. He was putting on an act every time he entered the house. Always smiling, laughing and entertaining everyone and their needs. He wants to get counselling to fix this because he's made it clear, if he ever feels like things going back the way they used to be, he's going to leave cause after experiencing everything these past few weeks he refuses to go back to it. So I guess I barely made it in time. This is literally my last opportunity to fix my relationships. I'm glad I got my head out of my butt in time cause I may have lost this amazing man forever. I know for a fact that if he asked for a divorce a few months ago, I would've laughed to his face and run their myself and made a huge spectacle about it cause I was so far up my ass i would've entered it twice. Thank you everyone for listening to me and advising me, I even welcome the hate cause I deserve so much worse than that. I hope I can fix this cause if he leaves me, there would be no one but myself to blame for this **RELEVANT COMMENTS** TheMocking-Bird commented: >It's always good to see posts like this, with people realizing just how in the wrong they are, and actually putting in the work to fix things. >It's insane to think you were once contemplating divorce and affairs, all the while thinking your SO was a lazy gamer who did next to nothing. I didn't catch your past posts, but after reading them all, it's insane to think how far you've changed. >I was disappointed to see you chickening out in your last post, since he deserved to know that your were actively choosing to work on your marriage, and to also know the extent of your prior resentment and thoughts about having an affair. I'm glad it's worked out, but it probably would have been better if he had heard this all from you, instead of stumbling upon your post . Then again, his "test" did show that your taking this seriously, so you lucked out. It's worth reiterating that communications key in every successful relationship, I hope you've grown to accept that. OOP replied >You're right, it should've been me. This will be a regret I will have. I feel like regardless of the outcome, I should've been brave enough to admit my faults. Admitting them to strangers is easy but admitting to your SO is hard but more important and I failed that challenge. Hopefully I can make up for it with my future I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ugb47/oop_wants_to_be_a_better_partner_and_mother/

10ugb47

My best friend confessed feelings to my gf she wants to cut him out of OUR life

CONCLUDED

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwRAfrgr in r/relationship_advice. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10me47j/28m_27m_30f_my_best_friend_confessed_feelings_to/) (27 Jan 23) **(28m) (27m) (30f) My best friend confessed feelings to my gf she wants to cut him out of OUR life** I said our life and not mine because she says she cannot control me but she never wants to be around him anymore. So if she and I are together she doesnt want to see him. She also says I should really think how good of a friend he is if he is confessing feelings and saying I love you to his best friend's gf and future wife? I (28m) have been dating my gf (30f) for two years now and honestly its the best relationship of my life. We have discussed engagement and marriage and have also met each other's families. My best friend on the other hand is someone I have known for almost 8 years and even lived with him for 4 years. In fact thats how I met him, as roommates. Till two days ago I never would have suspected that he saw my gf in any other way than his best friend's gf and would be life partner. But yesterday night my gf came home from office and said we need to talk and told me what had transpired. My gf and my best friend's office buildings are in the same tech park so they occasionally see each other, and thats why when my best friend joined her when she was having tea it didnt surprise her. But what he said surprised her though, he told her that he was harboring a crush on her since I introduced them and he could no longer keep it to himself since we were discussing getting engaged. He said he owed it to himself to tell her, my gf told him to fu\*k off and walked away. She also blocked him immediately on every platform. Then she told me. I asked my best friend wtf happened and he admitted but also said he never asked her to cheat on me, he was just confessing his feelings. My gf on the other hand says there is no point confessing his feelings and he definitely didnt have noble intentions as he claims. She says she doesnt want anything to do with him because he betrayed both of us and disrespected our relationship. I am a little torn here, of course I am angry at him but I also have a lot of history with the guy. Would appreciate some advice. Thank you. *Edit- Thank you guys, I accept I was being a tool in how I responded to the situation. He was my best friend but in this case he behaved like a stranger who had absolutely no concern or respect for my relationship. It will be hurtful to let the friendship go but I know this is what needs to happen. As for my gf I will apologize to her for being a tool and maybe take her for a weekend pampering session. She is the best.* **Top Comment** Your GF did exactly what one should do if they are in a committed relationship. And yes she is right in cutting him out of her life, and your joint life. And she is also right that you should seriously consider cutting him from your life as well. Actually lets put it another way, if you don’t cut him from your life, can you ever really trust him? and on top of that your GF will probably end up leaving you over it. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10ovw76/28m_27m_30f_my_best_friend_confessed_feelings_to/) (30 Jan 23) **(28m) 27m) (30f) My best friend confessed feelings to my gf she wants to cut him out of OUR life** Update- Its done, my best friend is out of my life. I had a conversation with him where he said he would never have asked her to cheat on me, but he just wanted to get it out of his system. Apparently he has been nursing a crush on her since we started dating, and thats why he has not even tried to date anyone else. I told him that he couldnt control his feelings but he should have controlled his actions and kept it to himself. Then I blocked him. My gf on the other hand is really weirded out by his "confession". Anyways that is my update. Also, I have a new best friend, my gf lol. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ul4y4/my_best_friend_confessed_feelings_to_my_gf_she/

10ul4y4

OOP's girlfriend is mad at him for changing his adult sister's diapers

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP. That is u/ThrowRA8809123. Originally posted on r/relationship_advice** &nbsp; Trigger warning: >!ableism, sexualization of caregiving, mentions of incest!< Mood spoiler: >!positive!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10n9duh/my22m_girlfriend22f_is_mad_at_me_because_i/) *posted on January 28, 2023* **My(22m) girlfriend(22f) is mad at me because I changed my sister’s(24f) diaper** I’m from Asia so sorry for bad English. I live in US as a student and my American gf of 2 years is mad at me because I changed diapers of my disabled sister. So here is what happened, last week I came back to my country to visit my family and yesterday my parents had a call that my grandpa, who lives in a city far away from my parents, broke his back by tripping over water, so they had to immediately go there. They left me with my sister because they can’t take her to a hospital as she is completely disabled since birth. She is like a 1 year old in a body of a 24 year old. After a few hours of them leaving while she was playing with her toys, she came to and started crying, after I made sure that she didn’t hurt herself somewhere, I started smelling that she has pooped, so I called my mom to ask to what to do, and she told me where her diapers are and where other stuff like wipes, anti rash powder are. I realized that in the wipe pack there was only one wipe left, so I called in my friend from school who owns a local pharmacy to send someone with baby wipes. The wipes got delivered in 30 mins and I changed her diapers. After some time, my gf called me and asked me what I was doing so I told her that I changed my sister’s diaper. Her tone changed from the loving tone she had when she called me. So I asked what’s wrong and she asked if I change her diapers regularly and I said yes a few time, coz my dad was in the army so it was me and my mom mostly taking care of my sister. After I went to America for studies, my dad retired and came back home and he started taking care of my sister with my mother. Then my girlfriend started asking questions about my sister hitting puberty and getting her periods. She asked me if I touched her genitals, so I told her I wiped them with wipes I thought she was genuinely interested, so I answered all of the questions. She went silent for a minute or two, and when I begged her to talk, she started accusing me of having an incestuous relationship with my sister. Today she called me and said that she needs time, and also called my dad a sicko and said “which father in the right mind would want to see his grown adult daughter naked” I have tried contacting her but she is not answering my texts and calls. TLDR: My gf is mad at me because I changed my disabled sister’s diaper when parents were not around. &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10nynac/update_my22m_girlfriend22f_is_mad_at_me_because_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted a few hours after the original post* **UPDATE: My(22m) girlfriend(22f) is mad at me because I changed my sister’s(24f) diaper** So after I posted the above post, my sister kept pointing her finger towards kitchen which meant she was hungry so I ordered her favorite food for both of us as I did not feel like cooking something, and while I was feeding her(she can't eat on her own), my gf called me and tried to reason with me that how I crossed boundaries, and then she told me she went online and checked videos of adult diaper change, and said that she wont let her man do something like that, so I asked her to send me the videos so that I can have a look too on what she was talking about, she straight up sent PH links of some diaper change fetish, and when I saw it, I could not stop crying, I could not look in my sister's eyes after that, so I fed her, gave her prescription meds, and set her up for a nap which she usually takes after food and meds. I got on a call with my gf and explained to her that what I did was not the same as those videos, there is a difference between sexual fetish and caregiving but she was not ready to listen to me, and she gave me an ultimatum that it's either me waiting for my mom to comeback so that she will change my sister's diapers, because she does not want me to touch my sister's "butt and vagina" or she will break up with me, so I told her that it's over between us, and she started calling me names and I hung-up. Our mutual friends started texting me within an hour, those who knew about my sister's condition told me that I did the right thing and I dodged a bullet, and those who did not know called me names until I told them about my sister's condition. Now I am scared to go back to US lmao TLDR: Broke up with gf because she was stopping me from providing care for my disabled sister. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the OP**

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10us2o2/oops_girlfriend_is_mad_at_him_for_changing_his/

10us2o2

My bf admitted he’s no longer attracted to me because of my weight

CONCLUDED

Originallyposted by /remarkable-wonder350 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 13, '23, update undated. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10b7kk5/my_bf_admitted_hes_no_longer_attracted_to_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My bf admitted he’s no longer attracted to me because of my weight My (20 F) bf (22 M) have been together for 2 years and we were perfectly happy everything was going great. 6 months ago, he started working out regularly and he has this new diet with no cheat days, he’s really invested and spends a lot of time in the gym I barely get to see him anymore. He’s been asking me to join him at the gym for so long and I stupidly thought it’s him attempting to bond. I go with him sometimes I even got a membership that just sits in my wallet most of the time. I explained to him many times, that since I injured my knee last year I can’t keep up with him anymore and working out together is just not something I can do. He always gets upset and says I’m not even trying and it’s good for me if I push myself a little harder. Last week he came and told me that he doesn’t feel attracted to me anymore because of my weight and my lack of motivation to do anything about it is making him frustrated. He said intimacy feels like a chore and unless I’m willing to change he’ll break up with me. I felt very scared and desperate. I cried and begged him not to break up with me and that I’ll lose the weight. But now I’m thinking maybe it’s better if we do break up, simply because our priorities no longer align if this is something he’s willing to break up with me over then he’s not the man I fell in love with. I’d just really hate to throw 2y down the drain for something so petty. I’m definitely not skinny but I wouldn’t call myself fat either. I’m 177 cm and 85 kgs. *Editors note for my Americans: This converts to 5'10 and 187lbs* Admittedly I did gain some weight since we started dating but it’s only 3,5 kgs. Now he wants me to lose at least 5 kg he says we’ll set more goals along the way but that’s my first “goal”. I guess I’m gonna be single soon don’t know how to feel about that. *In the comments:* >How severe was your injury? What do you think negates you from going to the gym with him? OP: Very severe , my entire leg was fucked in a car accident had 3 surgeries and need another one in June the reason I can’t do it now is because I have school and I need 6 weeks recovery after surgery before I could walk again. While now I’m good I can walk and kinda run my knee starts hurting very badly soon after, I can workout. I just can’t keep up with my bf. It’s literally impossible. I don’t appreciate his approach at all. That’s not the way to do it and I can’t keep up with him. He has to accept that too. I’m not gonna start training 6 days a week. It’s not happening. And if he wants to break up over that there’s not much I can do about it. **UPDATE** We talked it over today he doesn’t want to break up and regrets what he said. he was just frustrated that I’m not motivated to lose weight like he is. He said he loves me a lot and he’s still attracted to me but said he wasn’t because he’s sure that if I gain anymore weight I would be clinically obese and he’s not okay with that. >I agreed to lose some weight but I also told him we will be working out individually id like to have my own weight loss journey and set my own “goals” I’ll do it the way I want it to be done. We talked extensively about giving ultimatums in a relationship and how damaging that could be. He apologised and promised it won’t happen again and he’ll respect my wishes not to work out with him but we agreed I’ll share all and any progress with him and he won’t give any discouraging commentary. To be honest, the relationship is hanging by a thread but I was really happy to see he panicked when I said if he wants to break up over this then maybe he’s not the one, his tone changed, he was willing to compromise and so am I if loosing a couple of kgs is that important to my partner I’m willing to do it. Not the update most of you are hoping for but I’m happy we’ve come to an agreement I really didn’t want us to break up and happy he didn’t want that either. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.** *Flairing this concluded as OOP has stated they've come to an agreement she is happy with.*

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10utd55/my_bf_admitted_hes_no_longer_attracted_to_me/

10utd55

Husband demands wife (on maternity leave 5 weeks after giving birth) have dinner ready when he gets home from work

NEW UPDATE

I am not OP. OP is [AITA for refusing to cook dinner?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wvbjlu/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner/) posted by u/AITAexhaustedwife This is a new update to a story posted here previously by u/MessyChaos, I have marked the new updates with 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑 for those who have read the prior posts. Spelling and grammar have been corrected for readability. This is my first post here since joining the community, forgive me any mistakes I might have made in putting this together. Trigger Warning: >!Benign tumor, surgery!< Mood Spoiler: >!Mostly hopeful!< AITA for refusing to cook dinner? - Posted August 22nd, 2022 obviously a throwaway because my husband enjoys spending time on reddit. I (F23) have been married to my husband “John” (M24) for a year now. And recently (aka five weeks ago) we welcomed our first baby (F). I’m currently on maternity leave, which my husband has interpreted it as me being a Stay at Home Mom instead of taking time to rest before I needed to return to work. I don’t really mind it too much, since cleaning my house is soothing for me, and a good distraction from my sleep deprivation (lol). I’ve always been this way, and John does still do his share of household chores. (He does most of the outdoor work and he’ll sweep/vacuum). But recently, he’s been riding me about not having dinner ready when he gets home. He works from 8-5:30, so it’s not a completely unreasonable time for dinner, but it’s not like I can just stop taking care of our daughter to cook him a meal. I can usually talk him down, and he’ll watch daughter while I cook. A few days ago, however, he came into the house and began berating me for not having dinner “ready and waiting” so he could just “walk in and sit to eat”. I was actively changing my daughter’s diaper while he went on this rant. He went as far as to say that he “put up” with my laziness for long enough and that I needed to do my job properly. I didn’t say anything to him at that moment. I went and cooked dinner, and he seemed pretty proud of himself for winning the conversation. But I only have a few more weeks to stay home with my baby girl, and I’m not going to have that stomped on because of my husband. So ever since that day, I go to my mom’s house for dinner. (She’s totally okay with this btw). I don’t cook anything for John, and I’m already at my mom’s by the time he gets home. I still clean at home and keep the house tidy, but I don’t cook dinner. John has been furious with me, and has been telling me that I’m an AH for leaving him to starve. I just want to have a peaceful environment before I have to go back to work, so Reddit, am I the AH? Relevant comments: (From OOP) > he does know that he can’t really trap me. I have the higher income (and higher savings) plus a sister on the opposite side of the country. I do not want it to reach that point, but if it does.. he knows all those things. And he has never spoken to me like this before. Ever. We met when I was 13 and he was about to turn 14. > I have talked with him. I told him that I’m doing my best with daughter and cleaning the house, and sometimes I can’t just start making dinner. He seemed understanding when we talked, even said he would make sure to help me out. — [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAexhaustedwife/comments/ww2o4d/update_aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner/) - Posted August 23, 2022. Hey, so thanks for all your responses and all the advice on my post yesterday. John and I sat down together this evening, and the first thing he said was that he was sorry. He said that he was sorry for the way he had been talking to me and that he understood why I did what I did. (He also told me he saw my Reddit post, ah oops). He informed me that there was a rumor spreading around his workplace that they were planning on laying off a lot of people, and he freaked out. He didn’t want to end up unemployed because he wanted me to be able to have my full maternity leave, and also didn’t want to force us to dip into our savings accounts. So, he was working through his lunch and was coming home without having eaten anything since 7am that morning. (cause of the insane crankiness) And unfortunately, the rumors were true, and he ended up being laid off. So, he’s unemployed. (Which means he didn’t actually go to work today, he went to his sisters house - and yes, I called her and confirmed that he was actually there all day). He told me that what was going on wasn’t an excuse, and that his behavior towards me was unacceptable. (btw I did reach out to my MIL + FIL and they gave him an earful this morning, SIL did the same) He admitted that he was jealous he couldn’t spend the same kind of time with daughter, and that it his jealousy was coming out in those ways. (He is absolutely enamored with daughter and wants to be more present to bond while she’s still a newborn) I told him that I needed him to see a therapist. I needed him to talk to a professional about how he’s been feeling, and I will do the same. We’re currently looking for one (maybe a different one for me) covered under my insurance from work. I told him that until he has had a couple sessions, I am going to be staying at my parents home. It’s not necessarily a matter of distrust, but I believe he needs to talk to someone and be in charge of himself for a little bit. I told him that I have no intention of keeping daughter from him, but I believed it was best to remove myself from our home for a little while. He agreed to all of these things. (and my wonderful parents/ILs told us they’ll help handle our bills until I’m back to work) So that’s where we are. John is going to try being a SAHD when I go back to work and has already enrolled in some online classes at a local community college. MIL sent him some of their family recipes as well, so John is going to be handling dinner from here on out so he can get better at cooking. I understand that many of the people in the comments were telling me to divorce him, or leave, but I don’t think I’m ready to give up on our marriage just yet. I have a lot of people in my corner, including my ILs. Daughter and I will be okay. If this behavior starts up again, I won’t stick around and hope it’ll turn out like this again. I’ll go stay with younger sister (she’s in state - I was recommended against leaving the state with daughter in the case of desire for divorce) until I can get a lawyer. If there are any other big changes, I’ll update you all again, but for now, thank you, and goodbye. Edit: Clarifying some things. 1. John did not suggest being a SAHD. The plan he proposed was to pay my mom and dad to take care of daughter when I went back to work, and he would look for office jobs in the meantime. I did. I wanted him to do it. 2. I’m not taking daughter away from him. I pump. I’m going to take some of the advice I was given and give myself time to rest instead of cleaning house. Daughter will be with him too. 3. John was in fact, laid off. I understand that what he did in my original post was terrible, but I do not believe it warrants people saying he quit. He was jealous of my bonding time, but he also would not leave a job because of that. 4. John is overdue for a physical, so he’s called his doctor and he’ll have a checkup next Thursday. 5. John went to his sisters because he was embarrassed. If I was laid off after working my ass off for a month, I’d be humiliated too. I wouldn’t know how to tell my spouse something like that. 6. Divorce is not on the table. Divorce is not in the house. I’m taking time to heal while staying in a quiet place (parents going to be on vacation). I’m not divorcing my husband. I don’t want to be a single mom. 7. As soon as daughter is reaching the age that we’re comfortable with her being in daycare, John WILL be looking for jobs. He doesn’t have a choice. He agreed to that. If he drags his feet, I’ll start looking for him. 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑 [UPDATE 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAexhaustedwife/comments/x09sdc/update_2/) -- Posted August 28th, 2022 Another update... This one is not good. Forgive me for any errors, I’m shaking as I type this out. I was heading over to our house to drop daughter off with my husband, and I was a tad bit concerned because he didn’t give me a response of acknowledgment like he had the previous days. I thought that he might’ve fallen asleep. It didn’t matter, since I had a key. When I got there, John was just sitting on the couch, and it took a tiny bit of coaxing to get him to tell me that he couldn’t really move his left arm/leg. I started to freak out because I thought he was having a stroke, but he calmed me down and asked me to drive him to the hospital, just in case. I’ll spare you all the details of waiting in the ER with a fussy daughter, but as it turns out, John has a tumor in his frontal lobe. Yeah. The doctor said it would account for the weakness, and for any changes in personality that might have been present. We don’t know if it’s cancerous just yet, since they haven’t done a biopsy or anything, but I thought I’d let you guys know. (John said go ahead). So, that’s where we are now. I’m terrified, calling my parents and my in laws. My parents are about to go on their vacation (flying out tonight), and I encouraged them to still do so, because there’s still testing to be done. My in-laws will help me with daughter (watch her so I can have a little bit of alone time with John and then I’ll go home and they’ll go to the hospital to be with him.) Hopefully this will slow, preferably stop, the onslaught of comments/DMs telling me to divorce him. I love John with my whole being and he needs me. My in laws are reaching out to their relatives to see if this is genetic or simply bad luck. John keeps apologizing to me, and I’ve been trying to get him to stop. He has a brain tumor, he couldn’t control what he was saying. It’s all so terrifying and I don’t know what to do anymore. Thanks for all your precious advice, and if anyone has any suggestions of how I can keep myself composed during this, I’d love to hear it. [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAexhaustedwife/comments/yfxw5q/update/) -- Posted October 28th, 2022 It seems that I have forgotten about this account. My husband is fine. The tumor was benign, he had a surgery to remove it. The doctor said he has likely had it for a few years, and apparently he had some people in his family who had brain tumors too. He had some physical therapy after the surgery, as well as some regular therapy. I did too. He’s been helping my dad with his business (my dad embroiders for a living, he’s teaching john how to do it to help occupy him). Daughter's doing well, happy and healthy. John has been spending more time with her. Some people sent me DMs saying to be weary that the tumor was what led to John marrying me in the first place. And, well, you weren’t entirely wrong. John admitted to me that he no longer felt romantic love for me. It was in couples therapy. He said that he still loved me because I was the mother of his child, but it wasn’t the same he was just a few months ago. It hurt, to say the least, but I was happy he was being honest. So, we’ve amicably filed for divorce. It will be an uncontested one. I don’t want either of us to be stuck in a resentful marriage, but we’re going to continue living together for the time being. Daughter is still so young, and John and I think that we’ll mutually benefit from staying close. Thanks to u/FiscalClifBar who found a post from OOP's husband. [John Here](https://www.reddit.com/user/coroihvcahil/comments/yfxwzm/john_here/) -- posted October 28th, 2022 You’ll find the story on u/aitaexhaustedwife This is the John mentioned in these posts. My wife, “Emma”, and I, are posting these together. I’m fine. Brain tumor handled. It was a really strange feeling. I had gone from loving Emma with everything inside of me... To only feeling a... Base level of love for her. I want to be around her, I want to be friends with her, I want to raise daughter with her, but it doesn’t feel the same. I feel really guilty about it, but Emma has reassured me that the way I’m feeling can’t be ignored or pushed away for her sake. So, like she said, we’re getting an uncontested divorce. I don’t have experience with lawyers or anything, but I don’t think it will be a hard divorce? If I’m wrong just tell me. So, anyways, AITA redditors, you’ll be satisfied with this ending, huh? **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

EllieDai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10v3xcp/husband_demands_wife_on_maternity_leave_5_weeks/

10v3xcp

AAM A sweet solution to an annoying problem.

EXTERNAL

***I am NOT OP. This was originally posted on Ask A Manager*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/09/my-boss-changes-her-mind-after-ive-already-started-a-project-how-common-is-swearing-at-work-and-more.html) ***(number 3) with the update*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/update-how-to-tell-a-former-employee-he-cant-visit-us-weekly.html)***.*** Mood spoiler->!wholesome af!< Trigger warnings-none **How to tell a former employee he can’t visit us weekly** I’m a senior director for a group of highly skilled experienced employees. Everyone is at a high level in the large organization and they are primarily self directed while I set organizational strategy and ensure everyone has resources. We had a very kind and beloved employee, “Frank,” retire in 2021. He was very isolated during Covid and had a hard time with the transition to retirement. He feels comfortable resuming activities now, and one of those activities is stopping by our office once a week to chat. We are a very relaxed hybrid so most days there’s only a small handful of people there, but Frank will sit down and chat with whoever is there for 30-40 minutes and then move on to the next person. We aren’t a public-facing office so it’s unusual to have someone visit to hang out, but while everyone is busy, it’s not completely unheard of that someone would have a 30-minute chat catching up with an old colleague or client, and everyone can manage their time and a break for a midday chat is welcome on occasion. However, this has been going on for MONTHS, and I’m hearing people make offhand comments about Frank’s visits. I told everyone to feel fine saying “It’s a busy day, no time to talk” but everyone genuinely does care about Frank and it seems like these visits are a lifeline to him. I tried inviting him to an after hours happy hour to set the tone that he’s welcome to socialize with us but at a less disruptive time, but the visits haven’t stopped. I was going to directly talk to him about the need to stop or drastically cut down on visiting but when I mentioned it to two other directors they thought that was really harsh and I’m having trouble coming up with the right words to use with Frank since the usual things a manager would say don’t work with a team this self directed. Should I just ignore this perceived problem and leave it up to everyone if they want a chat? Any potential scripts for how to also tell a very kind person that we cannot be his social club? **Update:** I have an update to a question you posted a few months ago about our retired worker, Frank, who kept dropping by weekly for hours long chats. A very big THANK YOU to the commenters who suggested volunteer work. I don’t know why that hadn’t occurred to me since my aunt founded and ran a nonprofit near and dear to me (shout out to diaper banks, which are a huge unmet need in many communities where diapers aren’t covered by food assistance programs or food banks). The next week when Frank came in, I saw two people run in the other direction and decided to address it. I invited Frank to lunch and unprompted he shared that he was really at loose ends and didn’t know how to spend his time. I brought up volunteering and he said he didn’t know how to find a place to volunteer, how do you even apply, and who would want his help (EVERYONE! everyone wants people who have unlimited daytime ability). I gave him my aunt’s number then and there and sent her a text to expect his call. He called the next day and by the following week was a full-time fixture there. At Thanksgiving, I asked my aunt how Frank was doing and she gushed about his hard work pitching in wherever, his positivity, the ideas he was bringing to the table. She loved Frank. New Year’s rolls around and we have another family get-together and who walks in but Frank! He and my aunt are in a relationship! They are looking at moving in together!!! They are both ehhh on marriage but “we’ll see”! The office has a break from Frank but now I might be getting more of him. I don’t know if AAM has been responsible for a love match before, but I’m crediting this one to you and the commenters for this kismet! &#x200B; **Reminder-*****I am NOT OP. This was originally posted on Ask A Manager*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/09/my-boss-changes-her-mind-after-ive-already-started-a-project-how-common-is-swearing-at-work-and-more.html) ***(number 3) with the update*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/02/update-how-to-tell-a-former-employee-he-cant-visit-us-weekly.html)***.***

LearningFinance23

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ven96/aam_a_sweet_solution_to_an_annoying_problem/

10ven96

OOP is going to a funeral, her abusive mother who she hasn't seen or spoken to in 6 years will be there. OOP is also pregnant with mom's first grandchild

CONCLUDED

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/109njji/i_am_going_to_a_funeral_this_weekend_my_abusive/) posted by [u/CrazyRainbowStar](https://new.reddit.com/u/CrazyRainbowStar/) in [r/momforaminute](https://new.reddit.com/r/momforaminute/) on January 12, 2023 **I am going to a funeral this weekend. My abusive mother who I haven't seen or spoken to in 6 years will be there. I am also pregnant with what would be her first grandchild.** I'm just kind of freaking out and need some support. I won't skip my grandfather's funeral; he was a one-of-a-kind man and the world is darker without him in it. At the same time, I'm so worried that mom will try to use this event to talk to me or "reconnect" or something, and my pregnancy will be her perfect excuse. She was extremely neglectful and psychologically abusive in my childhood, so there's no way I'm letting her back in my life. Her strategy was always woe-is-me, single-motherhood-is-so-hard attention seeking (think Mother Gothel), so a public confrontation about how I'm keeping her only grandchild from her is right up her alley. And it's no-win for me. If I don't engage, she can ruin the funeral for me and my saying goodbye to my grandfather, and if I do engage, then she can make the funeral about her. Oh, and she may have some heirloom handknits to pass down, which I may have to leave on the table, even though I do want them, and that's upsetting as well. I'm just so scared that going is a bad idea, but I live so far away and I couldn't get time off to say goodbye while he was in hospice and I know I would regret not going. I'm just kind of a wreck and I will take any advice or support you can spare. Thank you in advance. Update: per many folks here, I have recruited a friend who is aware of the history, and willing to run interference, to attend with me. =========================================================== [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/10d75bf/update_i_went_to_a_funeral_today_my_abusive/) posted by [u/CrazyRainbowStar](https://new.reddit.com/u/CrazyRainbowStar/) in [r/momforaminute](https://new.reddit.com/r/momforaminute/) on January 16, 2023 **Update: I went to a funeral today. My abusive mother who I hadn't seen or spoken to in 6 years was there.** First of all, thank you to everyone who commented, especially those who suggested I go in disguise with a wig and big sunglasses. Unlikely to have been effective, but very fun to think about nonetheless. So, I recruited my best friend from high school who is much beloved by myself and my husband to accompany me to the funeral. He was present for a lot of my mother's behaviors back in the day, and knew what to expect should she decide to engage. He was also enthusiastic about the idea of playing Forceful Bodyguard if necessary. "I'm sorry, but Ms. RainbowStar is not taking questions at this time, move along." It was a fun car ride. We did discuss how to handle various family members and situations, including my worst-case scenario, which he agreed was unlikely, but did sound like something she would do. Since the goal was not to provide any openings, we had a lot of hypotheticals to work through, but in brief, we settled on 1) I will not engage her or anyone known to be a sympathizer. 2) I will allow myself to be approached by her or a sympathizer and will be polite, but distant, and provide no specifics or any real conversation starters. 3a) If approached before the service, I will take the advice from **REDACTED** and answer any intrusive or inappropriate topics with boundaries like "Pappaw's funeral is not the place to discuss these things." If pushed, I would disengage, and my friend would engage her so I could re-enter for the service. 3b) If approached after the service, I would say "I'm so sorry to hear about your father, he was a great man" and we would both disengage immediately until she stopped following, up to and including driving away. 4) If she made any assumptions about her place in the baby's life, I would be abrupt and firm, and allow her to make as much of a scene as she wanted to, and try to pick the most scathing time to pull a Maggie Smith and say "Get ahold of yourself." and then disengage. 5) all the above goes out the window if she makes a full apology for any part of her role in our estrangement. So armed, we went in. We were among the few wearing masks. We had a few minutes before the service started, and there was no receiving line or socializing in the lobby, so we went to the bathroom and then took our seats (in the back, not in the family area) with one minute to go. My brother did notice me and came back to offer to trade seats with me so I could sit with the family. He was sitting right next to my mother. I just said "No, thank you." and gave him a hug. He did not argue. At one point during the service, mom did turn around and look at me. I had to look past her to see the lectern, so I had a very clear view of her angry face before she turned back around. After the service, I wanted to see which of Pappaw's art they had picked for the memorial display, so I waited until mom was in conversation with someone, because I had to walk past her to get to it. After we looked at the display, mom's best friend approached me. Her: "Hey." Me: "Hi, nice to see you again." She looked pointedly at my belly a few times. I smiled vapidly. "So..." I waited, hoping I could make eye contact with someone else and move on because while this conversation was not bad, it was awkward as fuck, but we were in scenario 2, so my friend let me lead. "So are you expecting?" I asked her to repeat herself while I debated saying no. I'm 5 months pregnant. It would be very funny to say no. But I thought it might have some unpleasant downstream effects, so I said "yes". "When are you due?" "May." "Oh, nice." "Thank you." And then I gave her a sympathetic shoulder squeeze and walked away, saying "take care." I talked to my cousins for awhile, as well as one of my brothers, and my sister. My cousins are neutral as far as I know, and they are delightful people. My siblings are not neutral, but they know better than to test me. I was never worried about them. My aunt stopped by to say hello and hug and then moved on without any prompting or awkwardness, and then we cousins had a delightful and rambling conversation that was everything I needed in that moment. After a bit, I referenced our long return drive (but did not say how long so as not to indicate where I was staying), and we gave hugs and left. My mother was talking to Pappaw's wife. She looked in our direction (presumably at us, but I was watching her out of my peripheral vision, so I can't be sure), but did not follow. We went straight to the car and drove away. So, all in all, everything went about as good as it could possibly have gone. I do not feel that the time and energy spent preparing was wasted at all, and I deeply appreciate the advice and support that I got from all of the wonderful moms and siblings here. I will be sure to lurk for awhile and attempt to repay the favor, since I cannot possibly thank you all enough. Much love from this duckling. You are all excellent. **I AM NOT THE OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10vewp8/oop_is_going_to_a_funeral_her_abusive_mother_who/

10vewp8

Entitled Parker parked in OOP driveway so they blocked them in and got drunk all weekend.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/TheToiletDestroyer in /r/pettyrevenge** --- &nbsp; [**Entitled Parker parked in my driveway so I blocked them in and got drunk all weekend.**](https://old.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/10c02rt/entitled_parker_parked_in_my_driveway_so_i/) - Sat Jan 14 21:26:23 2023 UTC Friday night I came home from work to find someone on our block was having a large party and someone decided they were entitled to park in my driveway. Keep in mind my driveway is a single car width lined with a retaining wall on both sides and a garage at the end. Essentially impossible for a tow truck to come pull them out without property damage. Seeing this and the lack of street parking I took this as a cue to park right behind them in my driveway. Now a few hours go by and their entitled parker is now knocking at my door demanding I move my car so she can leave. Seeing as they were demanding, I informed them that I had been drinking and would not move my car. The Entitled Parker then decides to call the police to get them to force me to move. When the police knocked on my door, I was sure to grab a beer from the fridge before I answered to talk to the officer. I had informed him that after I got home I was unwinding and had been drinking and was in no shape to drive. At this point their hands were tied because they couldn’t tow her car out, I’m in no shape to drive, and I’m legally parked in my driveway. I ended up telling the Entitled Parker that since it is a long weekend I would be on a weekend long bender and they could come move my car after I go to work on Tuesday. &nbsp; [**Comment update**](https://old.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/10c02rt/entitled_parker_parked_in_my_driveway_so_i/j51d3x6/) - Thu Jan 19 2023 12:43:38 GMT-0600 (Central Standard Time) I did not expect this post to blow up like it did! After the first few sightings of EP, it was a relatively peaceful weekend and I did a lot of diagnostic tests on liver performance. I contemplated the idea of working from home on Tuesday but ultimately decided that I had enough fun with this and went to work. My neighbor said they saw EP sheepishly come around 8 am to retrieve their car and went without incident. All in all I think EP probably learned a valuable lesson to park only where legally allowed. Although they probably had a headache of being without a car for the weekend, it ultimately was likely a better outcome than having the car towed and impounded which is notoriously hard to go and retrieve in my area especially on a holiday weekend. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Throwawayaccount-4

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10vkp53/entitled_parker_parked_in_oop_driveway_so_they/

10vkp53

My sister is infertile and I’m glad

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Originally posted by u/throwaway2764xo in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 9, '23, updated 3 days later. Trigger Warning: >!Miscarriage, animal abuse, bullying, self harm!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1081qcc/my_sister_is_infertile_and_im_glad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My sister is infertile and I’m glad I (28F) have an older sister, Angela (30f), whom I have never liked. She always had to compete with me, but never in a normal sibling rivalry way. Our entire life she always seemed resentful of my existence as the spotlight couldn’t perpetually shine on her, so she had to step on everything I enjoyed. Per se, if I learned piano, she had to learn piano, if I excelled at a subject she suddenly became a scholar in it, if I told my mom I had a crush, Angela would be dating that boy in a week. I would always tell my parents when she did this but I was disregarded, because ‘’sisters copy each other” and I can’t ‘’gate-keep what she likes.’’ She always monitored what activities I did, and the clothes I wore, so she could out-do me. If I wore a flannel, Angela would come to school wearing an all flannel dress. (it was 2010 and that was peak fashion in our school lmao.) There was also more praise that followed Angela, even if I took the initiative to begin the activity first, she was praised because she was better. My parents would miss work to attend her dance recitals, going to every. single. one, because the world would stop if they missed it. However, I remember maybe two of mine they attended because they were ‘stuck at work’ or were otherwise preoccupied. Angela reveled in this. She would make comments under her breath around our parents. Whenever our parents weren’t around she’d tell me how much she hated me and how I should stop trying because I would always come second to her. She also physically bullied me in school. Angela purposely tripped me, threw things at me, and hit me in the hallways on a nearly daily basis. The school had gotten involved multiple times, threatening Angela with suspension and my parents fought it every time. My parents repeatedly told administration that this was a family matter and we were just bickering like normal sisters. She was never once reprimanded by either parent. (Once Angela was caught impaling a cat on the school fence and my parents still defended her saying this was normal teenage behavior.) I often was in trouble as Angela would start crying, saying how she was being targeted by the school when I had antagonized her. After one of these occasions Angela cut and bruised herself to prove to Dad that I was the aggressor. I became a pariah due to Angela’s malicious rumors about me, so it was difficult for me to make friends, I resorted to only befriending people from other districts. Angela eventually made sure I had nobody by stalking them, befriending them, telling all my friends lies about how I was favored by our parents and I constantly bullied and belittled her. She even stole boyfriends of mine doing this. Convincing them I was horribly mean and an awful person that copied her every move. Once she catfished me on Myspace for 4 months, and baited me into sending her nudes, which she proceeded to send my parents and everyone in school, including teachers. Later on, she told one of the boys I liked that those were actually her pictures and I had catfished her. The day of my high school graduation my Mom sat me down and told me Angela revealed the horrid abuse she’d suffered at my hand and I was no longer welcome in their home. After moving out the next day, my parents made very few attempts to communicate with me, only the occasional holiday and birthday text. All financial aide was also abruptly ended as soon as I stepped foot on campus. I met my now-husband shortly after this, and we were married within a year. They did not feel inclined to attend my wedding or even congratulate me. I informed my parents when I had my first child 8 years ago as an opening but they have made no attempt to contact or meet any of my 3 children. Best I know of Angela now from what I’ve heard, is that she got married to one of the boyfriends she stole from me in high school and she’s been posting about her infertility issues and how she can’t offer my parents their ‘first grand baby’. After years of silence, I received an text at 8 this morning from my mother that I will copy and paste below; “Hey (name) , it’s me your mama! We haven’t talked in a while and I surely Miss you terrible. I wanted to let you know you’re sister just had a miscarriage earlier this week. Angie and Justin are struggling a lot right now. Send something a little sweet her way, I’m sure she’d appreciate it. Get Back to me I love You.” I hate to say it but I’m glad she’s suffering. I’m glad she doesn’t get to be a mother. If she tormented me for years, what would she do to a child? Especially a girl? I don’t wish death on any baby, but I know in my heart that child would be damaged by her. I’m angry at my parents expecting me to have any sense of obligation to her. I don’t even have any sense of obligation to them. They always believed her and dismissed me. I was always the problem child, and it’s strange how my mother can be so warm to me when asking me to do something for my sister. Also the fact they cared more about my sisters now dead fetus than my actual children, who wonder why they only have one set of grandparents. I feel some sort of guilt for it but I refuse to offer any condolences to my destructive narcissistic sister who has been justified in her bad behavior since birth. Maybe this will change her, help her develop empathy or any type of emotion that isn’t hate or vindictiveness. If that happens I would be more than willing to offer support but until then I feel nothing but a small inkling of happiness that she’s hurt. Am I awful for this? **Update 3 days later in the comments** Hey I’m back with an update, I wanted to thank all of y’all sincerely for the comments, awards, and personal messages I’ve received. I feel very emotional knowing that my account of my childhood is finally being believed and met with warmth and support. It’s been hard for me to talk about as many believe I’m being disingenuous or overdramatic. It’s hard to believe so I get it. So really thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I decided not to respond to my mother. I blocked both of my parents and I thought it would end there, but when does it ever? Wednesday morning, my Messenger was being flooded with texts from my parents siblings. Most of the messages consisted of me being told I need to answer my mother’s calls and how callous I was being. I proceeded to block all of them as well. My cousin heard this from her younger sister, who is subject to being around my parents and Angela for family dinners. (My mother and her siblings all live within a couple blocks from each other and eat together most nights.) I don’t know if I can post the screenshot so I’ll type out the messages. (Aunt Kathy = my mom, I hope that makes this easier to understand.) “angela kept calling (Op) an “abusive ingrate” because she wouldn’t talk to aunt kathy. aunt kathy said they need to start inviting (Op) to family sh*t so she comes around to being a surrogate. it got weird rq because angela said she wants to use (my husband’s) SPERM so her kid is tall and has blue eyes. then kathy was sayin how they just need to be around her for like a year then they can cut her off again or wtv. angela kept saying (Op) is the only way she can have kids because she doesn’t wanna raise “someone’s trash baby.” Reading those messages made me want to hurl. Do they think my uterus is some fish hatchery that can be bought with some kind words and casserole?? It’s nice to know Angela is too much of a narcissistic ass to adopt though. I’m officially done with every single one of them. If they try to come around me I will get a restraining order before they can even darken my doorstep. Between the weak conspiracy they’ve come up with to try to use me like a baby bargain bin and the nasty words they continue to speak about me, I will no longer claim to have a family outside of the one I’ve created. I’m sorry if this is difficult to read but reading that again just got me so worked up. But y’all finally got the update you asked for, so that’s the silver lining of this I guess. Anyways thank you guys again. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10vlk2d/my_sister_is_infertile_and_im_glad/

10vlk2d

AITA for moving to a hotel because my wife's family insisted I sleep on the couch?

ONGOING

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Accomplished-Menu773](https://www.reddit.com/user/Accomplished-Menu773/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your daily fun fact to prevent spoilers: u/Tiny-firefly requested toucans. Toucans' bills are the largest of any bird in relation to their size. However, the bill is not heavy, as it is made up of a criss-crossing pattern of tiny bony rods, with the spaces filled with keratin. Because of this, their bill also serves as a great thermo-regulation system. **Trigger Warning:** >!anger and control issues!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Good for now...!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pcgym/aita_for_moving_to_a_hotel_because_my_wifes/)**: January 30, 2023** My wife and I got married last summer. Her family lives across the country from us, so up until this point I had never actually visited them, but I had met them a handful of times and we've always gotten along fine. They invited us to come visit and stay with them for a few days and we took them up on the offer. We flew in yesterday, and everything went well - her dad and I watched football while she caught up with her mom and sisters, and then we had a really nice dinner. But things went south at the end of the night when it was made clear that they didn't want me sharing a bed with my wife while in their home, and that they expected me to sleep on the couch. I honestly thought they were joking at first, but they insisted we sleep separately. I had a problem with the implication that I shouldn't be allowed to sleep next to my wife, and I also have a bad back and the couch did not look the least bit comfortable (they don't have a guest room). After arguing back and forth for a bit, I decided to leave and book a hotel. I told my wife she didn't have to come with me, she chose to stay and I said I'd come back the next day. I went off to a Marriott about 10m away and got a good night's sleep, trying to not let the whole situation bother me. This morning, I called my wife asking when I should come by. She told me her parents want me to apologize for leaving the way I did. I told her that I'm willing to apologize to keep the peace, but they need to acknowledge that it wasn't appropriate to insist I can't share a bed with my own wife. She said she'd talk to them and call me back. About 10 minutes later, I hear back from her, and she tells me that not only will they not apologize for it, they are now insisting I need to come back and stay on the couch for the rest of our visit, and if I don't agree to this, I'm not welcome back in the house. I'm pretty livid at this point - I told her that there's absolutely no chance that I will do that, and I am no longer willing to offer any sort of apology. My wife's sisters are now bothering me saying this is just the way their parents are, that my wife is very upset, and that I need to just give in and stay on the couch for the rest of the trip before this turns into some sort of family feud. From my perspective, I don't care what they think and I'm willing to treat the rest of this trip as a solo vacation, go sightseeing and meet my wife back at the airport at the end of the week. AITA? ***OOP is voted NTA*** ***Relevant Comments:*** *Dude just go home:* "I thought about it, but I've already taken the week off and the weather here is much nicer than where we live. I have no problem just spending the week by myself at the beach." *Is this a cultural thing or just a prude thing?* "We're all Americans. Her family is Italian-German. They're also super progressive liberal Berniecrats, but they do go to church regularly." **Update (Same Post) January 31** Wow, I didn't expect this post to blow up the way it did. Thanks for all the responses and awards! I took the advice of one of the posters here to ask my wife and her sisters to meet me for dinner apart from their parents. It was interesting to say the least. After we sat down, I leaned into them a bit about what had happened. I asked my wife if she knew her dad was going to demand we sleep separately, and she said she was surprised by it as well - she'd expect that if I were still just her boyfriend, but we're married now. I then asked them all if they thought it was OK for their parents to act the way they did. They said it wasn't, but they know their father and it's best to just let things like this go. This led to a somewhat uncomfortable conversation about how controlling he can get, how he angers easily when he doesn't get his way, and that he was already throwing a fit over me "disrespecting him" by leaving. The reason they were all trying to get me to come back and apologize was because he would find some way to make them all miserable for the rest of the week if I didn't. I told my wife I was really disappointed that she wouldn't side with her husband when I was clearly in the right, and she went sort of quiet. I then asked if they thought this was even about house rules, because it seemed more like their dad was just trying to show me who was in charge. They agreed. Up to this point I had really done everything I could to not escalate this situation, but I started to get really mad that they were all so afraid of how their dad would react. I decided I needed to push back a bit. I know my wife was mainly here to spend time with her sisters who she rarely gets to see. so I told them all I was going to move to a hotel by the beach about an hour away in San Diego for the rest of the week and I'd book a second room for them if they wanted to all join. They don't get to go on trips much, so I figured they'd be excited to get a free vacation away from their parents. They know that their dad is probably going to freak out when they leave, but I think they realized this situation had gone too far so they decided they would come and deal with the fallout afterwards. So that's where this all stands for now. I'm about to check out of my hotel and hit the road for San Diego. My wife and her sisters are coming down in a separate car after their parents leave for work. I fully expect their dad to throw a conniption fit when he finds out they left without telling him, but I really don't care at this point. I tried to be the bigger person at every turn, but he pushed this all way too far. Thanks again to everyone for all the insight. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is this homophobia?* "No, we're a traditional couple. We've met before and they were at our wedding, I just haven't visited them in California until now." *How old are the sisters?* "They're 24 and 21. My wife is 29." *Maybe extend the invite to your MIL as well?* "Maybe I'll go into more details in a future update, but I've learned their mother was the one behind all of this drama to begin with. They're all enjoying some time away from both of their parents." *Someone asks if the family is Latino:* "Their mother is! Their dad is white. From talking with the girls today, they seem to think the no sharing beds thing actually came from their mom but the tantrum was all on their dad." *One more:* "My wife and her sisters were nothing but apologetic all day yesterday. I told them it was water under the bridge, and now we're all enjoying SD and I've literally never seen them so happy."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10w97to/aita_for_moving_to_a_hotel_because_my_wifes/

10w97to

AITA for not wanting my husband to go to his ex's funeral? + UPDATE

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Trigger warning: >!funerals, death, divorce!< [ORIGINAL: AITA for not wanting my husband to go to his ex's funeral?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zpz8tc/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_to_go_to_his_exs/) by u/aita_husband_deadex on r/AmITheAsshole (December 20, 2022) I'll admit I'm biased right off the bat. I couldn't stand her. I call her "his ex" to myself and others. He called her "his friend". We're all in our early 40s. She died recently - aneurysm. I've been with him for 10 years now, but he'd known her for 20+. The way he tells it: They were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren't a great couple and decided to just be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was "important". A couple months into dating, it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife. He explained the above to me, saying she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic. I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex, and he told me "That's fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I'll choose her. I like you and all, but I've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life. You'll have to be ok with that if you want us to be a thing." When we were engaged I asked again. He gave me this perplexed look & asked "Why would us getting married affect my friendships?" I sucked it up & went along. I resented every moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him I couldn't. Her husband was friends with mine as well, so it's not like I could use him as an angle. He'd have lunch with the ex, they'd go to their geeky movies, and whatever. The few times I brought it up he said "We had this conversation before. You had your chance to back out." She died after they had lunch the other day on the way to her car. He spent a bunch of time crying, but honestly I was relieved. He was working with her husband on funeral planning. I told him "You don't think you're going, do you?" My argument, summed up: She's dead, so she's not a factor anymore. He doesn't get to use his "she's my friend" excuse since she doesn't exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple days, he gets to be done with mourning her already. There's no need for him to go to her funeral, since I wouldn't want her at his. He was the angriest I've ever seen him when I told him that, replying that he'll be going no matter how I feel, and that he's "willing to burn this to the fucking ground" while holding up his wedding band. "Besides you, she was the closest friend in my life." Him, her husband & my sisters are calling me an insensitive asshole over this, all saying that there was no romantic aspect to their relationship, & that I'm heartless. Her husband went so far as calling me a "ghoul" for how I've reacted. I never felt their relationship was appropriate, and I hid that for years because I wanted to be with my husband. Now that she's gone, I don't feel I should have to hide it anymore, and can speak freely. AITA for just wanting him to be done with her, and for him to not attend the funeral? *OOP is deemed the asshole and is considered heartless by all.* [UPDATE](https://www.unddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/10qclqw/my_husband_is_divorcing_me_over_his_exs_death/) on r/TwoXChromosomes via unddit (February 1, 2023) We've been together for 10 years, but he's choosing to end all of that because of how I reacted to his ex-wife's death. They were "friends" when we met, and his claim was that they'd dated and gotten married while they were "young and dumb" before realizing they worked better as friends than as a couple. He told me that if I wanted a relationship with him, I needed to accept she'd always be part of his life. He'd do things like go to geek movies with her and sometimes her husband, they'd do their tabletop gaming, all of which I found boring. He and I had a mostly happy marriage, I thought, but I had to deal with her presence and pretending she and her husband were friends. I hated her, and when she died I was relieved. I didn't want him going to his funeral, saying now that she was out of his life he was done with her. I was called cold and callous for wanting to put my foot down. Yes, he went to the funeral, which I was very uncomfortable with. I asked him not to go again, and he just gave me this cold, expressionless stare. She was cremated and my husband was given a little bit of her ashes in a small urn the size of a pill bottle. I told him it was creepy to have them, and he flipped me the bird. The past month-plus of my life has been a nightmare because of her dying. My husband has barely talked to me, and I've received texts from nearly all our friends and family calling me a monster. All because someone saw my original post on reddit and shared it with everyone they could, even people at my job. Many of the posts here were nice in comparison to the things the people I thought were my friends said. I was just out of town for several days on a work trip. On Friday I came home to a partly-empty house, his car gone, and a petty-sounding letter saying that we would be getting a divorce. Not that he wanted one, that it was going to happen, he'd already filed. He said that my post was one of the most hurtful things he's ever read, and that my jealousy of his friendship was insane. He wrote "I fucking watched her die. She was walking by my side when it happened. I have nightmares about it." He said I'd be keeping the house, because "I don't want to spend every morning waking up to a reminder of the years of lies that was our marriage." he left a list of what he's taking, saying I can keep the rest. His last line was "If it'd been me instead of her, she'd have been there for you in an instant. Remember that." I learned he's staying with her husband, because that man sent me a long text telling me to stay away from his home, and he regretted ever letting me into his life. My own sister said if she learned I was dating someone, she'd "fill him in on what a black-hearted c-word" I am. So yeah. My husband is divorcing me because of his first wife's death. She's more important to him, and it seems to our friends, than keeping our marriage together is. She's screwing up my life even from the grave.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10wg18b/aita_for_not_wanting_my_husband_to_go_to_his_exs/

10wg18b

After 10 years, I found out my daughter is not mine

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/deleted in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 27, '22, updated Jan 31. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10ej3ua/after_almost_10_years_i_found_out_my_daughter_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) After almost 10 years, I found out my daughter is not mine, biologically. First off, I haven't used this throwaway account in six years. I am surprised it still is active. Anyway. I got together with my wife about 15 years ago. She came with a premade family of a daughter and two boys. Then in October of 2012 she got pregnant. We weren't trying to conceive, but weren't actively trying to prevent either. The date of conception seemingly matched up and a beautiful baby girl was born August of 2013. I have been led to believe until this last Saturday that she was 100% mine and I never questioned it. But over the weekend I took our youngest son(stepson, but you all know I see him as mine) to a show choir event and met up with an old friend from around the time of my daughter's birth. A friend I met through my wife. This friend and I had a few drinks and she said she needed to get something off her chest that she's been holding secret for years and told me everything. I was shocked to say the least. The next day I called and confronted my wife and initially she denied it, but admitted to having sex with the actual father. I hung up on her and I had three hours to drive home with my son, all the while ignoring her calls. When I got home she then pulled me aside away from the kids and confessed all. This little girl is my world and I do not have any intention of turning my back on her. It's not her fault that this happened. But Her mother now wants me to try to move past her indiscretion and stay together. Stating what we have built since is strong, and I shouldn't tell my daughter about this as the real father had/has no intentions of being a part of her life. I do not think I can forgive her for this. It's too big. I am so angry right now at her and all her friends that knew but kept silent. I can't leave because I don't want her to state that I abandoned my family. I'm afraid that if I do keep this secret from my daughter that she will one day find out and hate me for it. If I stay, I can't talk to anyone about it, they will be confused and astounded that I stuck around and it would make me feel like less of a man. I would bottle it up and let it eat me up and then rage quit my life. Update: My son was at his cousin's house for a sleepover after his event. I went out with my aunt and uncle and the friend showed up at the pub we went to. When my aunt and uncle went home, I stayed to chat more. Update: 1/18/2023 I have a DNA test ordered. Wife is in search of alternative residence. She wants couples therapy. I considered shortly until more came to light. I commented a few times below that she had been sending likely bio dad updates with school pictures. Also went to see him 5 years ago and took him to lunch. Update: 1/19/2023 Not much else to update today. Waiting on dna test to arrive. Bitter house. Will have more throughout the weekend as kids will be gone and we can finally have it out with no tiny ears to hear. Will record audio for everything. Update: 1/21/23 quick one. Not much to say yet. Actually spent an evening with welcome company. Test is still en route. I live in a small community with no hospitals that provide dna testing. Test won’t arrive until Wednesday. Hope to have results by Friday [Update 2 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10qasz8/updateafter_almost_10_years_i_found_out_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) It’s been a while since my last update. I got the results today from the paternity test. 0.0% paternal probability. Initially when I found out from supposed friend I wanted to go nuclear. Ruin lives and the like. But after sitting giving myself time to cool off I decided that would only hurt the kids. I still see her as my daughter. But now I have much deeper waters to tread and how/when to talk to her about it. Wife and I will be divorcing peacefully. I won’t give up my rights to sue either her or bio dad. Wife did find my last post and spiraled down a rabbit hole reading the comments. Was interesting to see her reactions to the variety of thoughts you guys shared about her. Now it’s time to move forward.

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10wj2fi/after_10_years_i_found_out_my_daughter_is_not_mine/

10wj2fi

OP woke up with semen on her face and her mom won't believe her.

CONCLUDED

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.*** ​ Trigger warning: >!sexual assault, physical violence/assault!< ​ [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/i_19f_woke_up_with_semen_on_my_face_and_my_mom/)**, on** **r/relationship_advice,** **January 18th 2023.** **I (19f) woke up with semen on my face and my mom (45f) wont belive me** Yesterday morning I (19f) woke up to semen all over my face and pillow. I didn't know what to do but i just went to the shower and cried for 2 hours then washed all my sheets and pillows. Im not sure if that was a mistake or not since if i didn't wash them i might have proof rn but in the moment i just wanted to be clean. Around the end of the day I broke down and confided in my mom. She helped me calm down and was patient about it but suggested I probably just dreamed it or mistook what it was. I tried telling her that i didn't dream it and that it was definitely what i thought it was. But she just told me to go rest and try and forget about it all. I feel like im going crazy and im on edge around all the men in the house now. Im not sure who it could be and that is making me feel unsafe around all the men. Right now the men in the house are, dad (50m), my brothers (22m, 24m, 27m) and my sisters boyfriend but i know its not him as he is ftm. Im scared in my own home and my mom wont belive me but I have nowhere else to go. All my friends have move or are on vacation and any other family live out of state. Is there a way to convince my mom im telling the truth. Edit: My sister is home from work now. The situation is worse than I though. I talked with my sister, she is with me now and will stay with me in my room till we can both get out of the house tonight, we will go stay with her bf for the time being. She told me something nearly identical happened to her about a month ago and she told our mom and she told her the same thing to her that she did me. I dont trust our mom anymore, i feel violated and angry. My sister didnt even come to me because mom gaslit her just like she did me. I want to just scream at her. I wont be replying for a while, sorry. me and my sister are packing and want to just comfort each other and get out of the house asap. Thank you everyone for the advice. ​ **Some comments:** >*If you can't get them to give you a lock, I would go ahead and purchase some door stoppers. Amazon has some, including ones that have sound for an alarm if anyone tries to enter while you are sleeping. I saw one for like $7 (USD). I just searched on amazon for "door stopper alarm". Stay safe!* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/comment/j4x9gt7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Thats sounds good, i didnt know something like that existed. How loud can they get? I take some heavy sleeping meds for insomnia that really knock me out so i would probably need a decently loud one.* >> >>>**She gets further advice:** >>> >>>*This is extremely relevant to your post, sleep meds that knock you out. OP you are gonna want a hidden camera to have evidence next time since you likely won't be safe with a lock. Make sure you have the camera at an angle where it's clear someone did something to you and not just looking at their back. Make sure the video footage cannot be accessed and deleted without a passcode, since a fingerprint biometric is easy access.* ​ >*I don't know much about the dynamic in your house, but if you could conceivably believe one of your family members put semen on your face, I'm guessing it's not safe and it hasn't been for a long time.* > >*Your parents not allowing you to put a lock on your door is a sign there are issues with boundaries in this household.* > >*Sadly, it is very common for parents to excuse, downplay, and ignore abuse within families. A normal response would be shock, concern and horror. Your mum telling you it was just a dream is textbook gaslighting. I'm sorry she isn't protecting you.* > >*Being ejaculated on in your sleep is sexual assault. It's completely unacceptable. It's a criminal offense. Is there any way you can leave that house and find a safer living arrangement? You deserve to live in a safe home with safe people.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/comment/j4xeiqp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*There's no one i can stay with but i am looking at women's shelters in my area and might see if i can stay at one if possible.* ​ >*I'm so sorry that this happened to you and that your mom doesn't believe you. It's not right and it not fair. Can ou tell someone at school? Teacher or counselor you trust? Grandparent or other family, even if out of state. I would get on a plane immediately if my neice told me this happened to her and that her mom didn't believe her.* > >*Can you tell your sister or her boyfriend? Can one of them stay in your room at night until you get a better plan in place?* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/comment/j4xnc4j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*I will try and talk to my sister and her boyfriend when she comes home from work. They are the only people i feel i can trust right now. It might be good for me to ask if they could sleep in the room with me till i can get some cameras. Theres not much family i can tell, the person i would trust to tell would be my grandma buy unfortunately she passed last year. All other relatives i don't know well as they are out if state and i dont see often.* ​ >*Without proof, there’s no way to convince your mom if anything.* > >*You could bring it up at the dinner table, though. So, which one of you losers came all over my pillow last night? See who looks guilty.* > >*Seriously, though, put a good lock on your door.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/comment/j4x5yfz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Ive been asking for a lock since i was 13, parents refuse. And bringing it up at the dinner table would be to difficult to me. I only told my mom because i trusted her but she wont trust me.* >> >>>**Someone suggests OOP's actually believes her, but dismissed it:** >>> >>>*Is it possible your mom knows this is true and is deliberating brushing it aside?* >>> >>>>**OOP replies:** >>>> >>>>*Idk what to think anymore. I didnt think any of my family was capable of something this disgusting so im not sure anymore.* ​ [**Update post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvp1q/update_i_19f_woke_up_with_semen_on_my_face_and_my/), **on** **r/relationship_advice,** **February 1st 2023.** **Update: I (19f) woke up with semen on my face and my mom (45f) wont belive me** I just wanted to give a quick update for those who asked for one and so people dont worry. Here is the link for the original post. [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/10fje6e/i\_19f\_woke\_up\_with\_semen\_on\_my\_face\_and\_my\_mom/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10fje6e/i_19f_woke_up_with_semen_on_my_face_and_my_mom/) Me and my sister stayed with her bf for a few days then decided to take some advice from here and tell the family what happened. We told everyone through a group text, we didn't want to do it in person since there was just to much anxiety. Without going into exact details me and my sister are now back in our home after some things went down. Mom has been kicked out and currently 27m is in hospital. Dad and our other brothers have been a big help and support, unfortunately dad now has a court date but have been told by lawyers its unlikely our dad will face any time so thats good. As for our brother 27m, its unlikely police will do anything about him but we have him out of our lives now and we feel a lot safer in our own home. Im just glad its over and that me and my sis are protected in this house now and that our dad and other brothers belived us. Thank you all for your support. ​ **Some comments:** >*Glad that you and your sister are safe. Did your mom try to downplay or even dismiss the seriousness of the brother’s actions after they were revealed, and that’s why she was kicked out?* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvp1q/comment/j6s2opi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP elaborates on what her mom knew and the aftermath:** >> >>*From what i know mom was aware it was him. From what ive leaned in the past couple days is that he did something similar to a cousin years ago. Dad wanted him out but mom stuck up for him and promised to get him into therapy. I guess i know why my dad and brother didnt get along. So when we texted that group text dad knew immediately and got a bit violent, kicked mom out and put 27m in hospital.* ​ >*Given the circumstances this was a good update. Did you guys end up finding proof that 27m was the POS? If so, glad your dad sorted him out, and that he's now out of the family. Doing that to a younger sibling is disgusting.* > >*So did your mom know and cover it up, or was she just a bad parent? In either case, she failed her duty as a parent, and let you down.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvp1q/comment/j6s2vvd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*No solid proof. Mom knew it was him.* >> >>>**Someone hopes for a divorce happens:** >>> >>>*That's abhorrent. Given your dad's reaction, I hope he's on the warpath and divorces her. If she knew, this likely wasn't the first time he's done something like this.* >>> >>>>**OOP confirms:** >>>> >>>>*Yeah dad is getting everything sorted for a divorce. I wont be seeing her again either and hope i never do, glad my brother is in hospital but just hope dad doesnt get in to much trouble for it.* >>>> >>>>>**Another comment:** >>>>> >>>>>So I guess the reason he's in hospital is because your dad kicked his ass? Good! >>>>> >>>>>>**OOP's response:** >>>>>> >>>>>>*Yeah from what i heard from my brothers was that went nuts on him and probably would of killed him if brothers didn't step in after the initial ass beating. Honestly when hearing that dad was close to killing him all i could think was "good".* ​ >*I am heartbroken for you and yours- nobody should go through something like this and it's a special kind of crazy when the guilty parties are people you're supposed to be able to trust. Yes, I said parties, plural, because your mother knew and failed to protect you & others.* > >*Just in case you don't know this-* ***Nothing about this is your fault*** > >*"You didn't do anything to create this horrific situation and you bear no responsibility for the fallout. You (and your sister) are complete innocents in this shitshow. You had a right to be safe in your home and a right to speak up when that safety was shattered. You have an absolute right to cut permanently from your life the people responsible for what was done to you. Don't listen to anyone who tries to talk to you about how you should "forgive" or "let it go" or tries to minimize the seriousness of the crime committed against you. You are in the right and you are blameless."* > >*I hope you heal well* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvp1q/comment/j6sd01g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ >*If he has a phone still in the house get it. Most of these idiots record themselves doing this and upload it to porn sites. If you can find his phone there may be evidence on it. Since you have a lawyer let him have it. If you get into it yourself it may cause issues. Or just ask your lawyer first what he recommends if you find it. If he has it in his possession ask your lawyer to get a subpoena for it. Even if he did record it but deleted it computer forensics can recover it.* > >*I’m retired police and have seen this too many times. I’m glad you are safe and that your dad is like me. I would do anything to protect my daughter. If I had answered the call I wouldn’t have arrested your dad.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10qvp1q/comment/j6srddg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ **Please refrain from reaching out to OOP, as it is against the rules!** ​ # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10wkj4y/op_woke_up_with_semen_on_her_face_and_her_mom/

10wkj4y

I told my son/nephew the truth and my wife is pissed.

CONCLUDED

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/wfthrowaway8513 in r/trueoffmychest. **Mood Spoiler** - >!Happy!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10qlokb/i_told_my_sonnephew_the_truth_and_my_wife_is/) (1 Feb 23) **I told my son/nephew the truth and my wife is pissed.** Confusing title? Welcome to the shit show. My wife got pregnant when we started dating at 16. We decided to give the kid up for adoption once she had him. It was a tough decision, but we weren’t ready to be parents at 16. My older sister had just gotten married and found out she had infertility. So, she proposed the idea of adopting our son. That way we could still be involved in his life and watch him grow up. My wife had him by c-section and my sister has raised him since. We agreed that none of us would tell him until we all agreed he was old enough to understand it. Sure, it was tough to watch him go through life knowing that’s our kid until we finally had kids when we were ready. We’re now 36 and he’s getting ready to turn 20. I’ve got a great relationship with him as his uncle. He comes to me with problems he can’t bring up this his parents, comes to our house regularly to spend time with our kids, and even said that he considers me his “dad” since his parents got divorced. *edit to add: we had conversations all the time about telling him as soon as he turned 13. Then it got pushed to 15, then to 18, and still no one had wanted to tell him. We had a deal. If he found a car he wanted to restore, I would pay for anything he needed if he did the work. My dad did the same thing when I was a teenager and it was a great life lesson and I still have that car to this day. He normally just calls me by my name or a nickname made up by my wife, his mom, or the kids. Today, he came to the shop to do some work while I was out there working on something else. Then I hear “Hey dad..I mean {my name}, can you hand me a rag?” That was when I knew this kid needed to know. I mean, he’s almost a grown adult. He can handle it. I told him I needed to tell him something. So we sat down at the table in there and I just flat out told him “{wife} and I are your birth parents.” He looked confused because his mom has said she gave birth to him so he would never think anything was up. He had lots of questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. He left after and asked his mom about it, who then called my wife to tell her that I told him everything. I knew I should start digging my own grave in the backyard when she put her phone down with no words and just stared at me. She was livid I didn’t ask anyone before I told him. It was selfish, but it had to be done. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. **edit: WOW I had no idea this post would get this much support and positive comments. I fucked up in many ways and felt terrible and like an AH for telling him. My sister wants to have dinner tonight with my wife and me to tell him the full story and to discuss what happens in the future. I’ll make an update post after. ***edit #2: just posted the update, thank you everyone that was supportive on this post and all the people that came from TikTok. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10rb4vu/i_told_my_sonnephew_the_truth_and_my_wife_is/) (2 Feb 23) **I told my son/nephew the truth and my wife is pissed (UPDATE)** To answer a lot of questions that were asked: after a little bit, my wife and sister thanked me for telling him. The day before that, my sister and her just had a conversation about telling him and neither could bring themselves to. Yes, it was an AH move and selfish to do it without warning, but who knows how long they would wait to tell him. My wife and I never “abandoned” him at all. We’ve been in his life since he was born and for every major life step, helped with financial decisions like college, sports, and buying his first car, and helped in any way we could. Dinner went relatively well. My wife made delicious Parmesan chicken in case anyone was wondering. A lot of emotions and conversations we weren’t ready for. The main things that came out of our conversation were that my sister will always be his mom since she raised him, we will support him with whatever decision he makes, and will always be his family. He asked if he could call my wife and me his parents and we happily agreed. He lightened the mood by saying “so now you’re my duncle and she’s my mant. But not in a weird way haha” So, today, we gained the older son we’ve always wanted and our kids gained the older brother they’ve needed. I couldn’t be happier with the decision I made last night. Thank you everyone that was crazy supportive from Reddit and TikTok. It was crazy to see my story in a video when I was scrolling through TikTok. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10wvbhu/i_told_my_sonnephew_the_truth_and_my_wife_is/

10wvbhu

OOP asks if she's the AH for what she said to her stepmom

INCONCLUSIVE

*I am not OOP. OOP is* u/rae_lilleigh *and she posted on* r/AmItheAsshole [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iehuj5/aita_for_saying_what_i_did_to_my_stepmother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) -22/08/2020 When I (19F) was 6 lost my mom and two years later my dad remarried. We'll call her Kate for the sake of the thread. So Kate has been my stepmother since I was young and I can appreciate that but we are not close and I have grown to have so much resentment toward her. Ever since she officially married my dad she has tried to take my mom's place. She used to tell me I needed to call her mom. This was a daily thing for like five years. I was corrected every time I used her first name. She would ask me why I didn't make her a Mother's Day card when I would make one for my mom's grave every year. She would get upset when I'd tell people she was my stepmother. She wanted me to tell people she was my mom, but she said even stepmom sounded closer than stepmother. One time for my moms anniversary my dad and I went to her favorite spot and when we came back she asked if she could join us and I said I wanted it to stay just me and my dad. She told me "my new mom" should be there for me that day while I mourn my "old mom". She was offended when I didn't want to go to her scans when she was pregnant with my halfsiblings and even more offended when I didn't want to be at the births. I was upset with her when she bought us mom/daughter necklaces and she was upset because I wouldn't wear mine. When we did family therapy together she would say it hurt her feelings when I rejected her as a mom. She got angry when I was 10 and during a family therapy session, I said she would never be my mom. She told me she earned the title. We had a huge fight 3 years ago. My siblings asked why I don't call their mom my mom and I told them she's not my mom and I have a mom who died. They asked me why I didn't think I had two moms and I explained because sometimes people feel that way. She was furious! She told me I had no right saying any of that to them. She told me my rejection was unfair. I told her she tried way too hard and that nothing she ever did would earn her the title of mom. She stopped trying after that. Then last week I went to my sisters birthday and I mostly stayed in the background to avoid a fight. My dad pulled me aside and asked me if I wanted to be part of my stepmothers birthday video. He clarified it was just my siblings in the video and it was a mom video. I said no. She overheard and lost it. She told me I was about to publicly humiliate her by not taking part when she has always referred to me as her kid. Apparently some of her friends and co-workers think I'm hers and don't realize I'm not her bio. I lost it. I told her she wasn't good enough to be my mom and that her attempts to try and force me to feel a certain way about her made me wish my dad had found someone else, someone better. I then left. I didn't even wait for anything else. Now she wants an apology. My dad asked me to apologize too. He said I was harsh and cruel with my words. AITA? Relevant comments. *User asks OOP how was therapy* OOP:"They would say a lot of different things. They threw a ton of suggestions at us. From bonding days for me and her, where we had to do things that would really cement that bond, to family nights with no pressure (except they were never no pressure) and then we had some who would ask why she couldn't ease up and let the relationship develop naturally and one of those said we could redefine the stigma around being a stepmom if we let a relationship form naturally instead of letting societal pressure dictate what our relationship was because I didn't call her mom." *User asks OOP if her dad stood up for her or if he let Kate presure OOP into calling her "mom"* OOP:"My dad has stayed kind of in the middle. For a few years he sided more with her and wanted me to at least consider her a second mom and he wanted us to be a unit because I never wanted to be considered their kid and actually closed off when people would mistake me for her kid. I would rather have a relationship with my dad and siblings without her but it's unrealistic to expect that so I really need to look at what the best thing is. Because really, my dad is to blame for a lot of this too. He was on her side for too long and I think the only reason he's more in the middle now is he doesn't want me to back away from them totally but I have a lot of strong feelings built up that I even started therapy for once I moved out but it's hard to not have them be more draining than anything, especially when we're in close proximity." *User asks OOP of kate lied about being her mother* OOP: "I know for sure she has lied to one person about it, if not outright then by omission at the very least. She told a friend of hers that the times my dad and I would go to honor my moms memory for her anniversary that we had a set date every year for a "fun dad and daughter date" so to me, that says was doing what she could to not tell someone I had a mom who wasn't her, because why not say we were going to honor my mom on her anniversary (or even my "bio mom" if that's what she needed to call her). The rest could have assumed." *User says that OOP is mad that her mother passed away and her father remarried.* Oop: "I'm not angry because he remarried. I'm angry because she tried to replace my mom, she never listened to me. Whatever people say about the birthday party, yeah, I lashed out. But I have spent YEARS trying to get her to understand she cannot demand I call her mom. I have tried to set my boundaries. But my feelings never mattered. It was all about what she wanted and to hell with me. At least that is how it felt and how it still feels. I couldn't love her because all she wanted was to be number one and she was never going to be that. Because ever since she married my dad she was hell bent on me calling her mom and loving her like she's my only mom. She's not. She never will be. I didn't hate her from day one. Things were fine, in the getting to know each other stage, before she was married to my dad. I was trying to figure out how I felt. I thought she was okay. She never mentioned calling her mom or anything until they were married and that's when things went to hell. The hatred grew because of that. I don't want to be consumed by it but after everything that has happened I don't think I'll ever be able to like or love her. Does that mean I want to hate her for the rest of my life? No. Because I don't want to be full of hate for the rest of my life." *Oop is voted NTA*. First update(on the same Post) I have been reading the comments, trying to reply when I can but there are so many (can't believe this got so much traffic, I appreciate it). I won't pretend I don't have issues. I know I do. I am in therapy right now. Therapy because I don't want to be consumed with so much anger and hate for the rest of my life. And that's the truth of where I'm at, I hate her. I hate her for never listening, for trying to replace my mom, for refusing to accept that I didn't want to call her mom. I know it's not too healthy to hate someone hence the therapy. I am angry with my dad too. He let a lot of this shit happen and encouraged it by siding with her for so long and only coming more into the middle after the second therapist said she shouldn't be trying so hard and because he was afraid he would lose me. But our relationship is not as close as it once was. I do feel bad for ruining my sisters birthday and will apologize to her. The truth is I don't appreciate she called me hers, that she didn't differentiate. That is important to me. Even today. I don't appreciate her trying to be a second mother. Those things are not supposed to be forced imo. Having another mother isn't a comfort when they try to push out the one you do love, the person who is actually my mom. We could have a nice relationship now, maybe we could even have what she ultimately wanted, though she would never be my only mom or overtake my mom in my eyes. But could we be close? Possibly. I just know that was never going to happen with what happened. I'm not sure what will happen. I know I am reflecting on it all now but part of me isn't sure if any relationship can be salvaged right now. Second update(on the same Post aswell) I called and spoke to my dad yesterday. I spoke to my sister briefly and apologized for my part in what happened at her birthday party. We talked for a few seconds before my dad came back on the phone and I was honest with him. I told him I am hurt, angry and full of hatred and that I need a break, that might become a permanent one. I told him I feel like he let me down by siding with his wife when she would pressure me to call her mom. I told him I felt like my feelings never mattered when I was a kid. I told him he had really let me down, he had hurt me by letting things go the way they did for so long. I told him I never wanted things to get this bad but it sucks when you are forced into a situation you have no real control over and then you're treated like the bad guy for resisting. I wasn't a baby with no memories of my mom when his wife and he got married. I had some memories of my mom. I had memories of life without her. And just as I was figuring out my relationship with her she decided to take the reigns and make it what she wanted and then refused to listen. I told him he went to the middle because he thought he would lose me, but still never really tried to understand me. I acknowledged that I resisted every move she made and I made it clear the reason was how she was handling it. I brought up how they never gave me time to adapt to her being there. That by forcing her want to be my mom she made it impossible for me to be open, because I already have a mom and that he was responsible for a lot of what happened. I told him I loved him but this shit needed to stop and there was no way to stop it by pretending nothing happened or sitting down and talking because there is a lot of anger and strong feelings on both sides. He cried, I cried, he begged me not to pull away, he said he would do anything and he won't stop trying. After when I was going to bed he sent me a text asking if we could talk again, just us, in person. I'll reply in a while. I need to think. But I woke up to another request so I feel like he's probably going to keep pushing so maybe I will. I'll mark this as inconclusive as OOP hasn't updated in more than 2 years.

AfterHeat4755

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10wvu4e/oop_asks_if_shes_the_ah_for_what_she_said_to_her/

10wvu4e

I hate my boyfriend's best (female) friend.

CONCLUDED

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/Freckled_Rhapsody in r/trueoffmychest. **Trigger Warning** - >!Bullying!< **Mood Spoiler** - >!it has a happy ending!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10r1z62/i_hate_my_boyfriends_best_female_friend/) (1 Feb 23) **I hate my boyfriend's best (female) friend** My boyfriend (22m), his best female friend (Dee, 27f), and I (23f) are studying the same degree. We started dating less than a year ago during spring break, but he and Dee have been friends since first semester. I knew her, but we weren't very close. She was one of the first to know that we were a couple and she was happy for us. I didn't think anything weird about it, until a few months ago. She calls him quite a lot. Almost three times a day. They're very brief calls and for mundane things (schedule, homework, tests), things that can be asked by text. My boyfriend doesn't hide anything from me, he always shows me that it's she who calls him and answers on loudspeaker. The first thing she does after greeting him is to ask *"are you with her? (me)"* and he says yes. Sometimes she calls him after 2 in the morning or when we are in the middle of intimacy, so it's annoying. What made me go from being annoyed to hating her was when we were assigned the same place for our practices. Everything was going well at first, sometimes she gave me rides in her car, offered to go buy me lunch and lent me work materials. I came to consider her a friend, until some time later. When other practitioners came, she got weird. She started referring to me as *"the idiot"* instead of my first name. If someone asked about a topic, she would say *"this idiot knows"* or *"ask this idiot about it".* I never had many female friends, so I thought she was just being funny. Then she started criticizing me. If I made a mistake, didn't do things as she recommended me to or didn't support her in something, she would scold me as if she were my boss or my mom, always in front of the rest of the practitioners. I've always had a very peculiar humor, and I cannot hide it. If I'm in a bad mood, I don't want anyone to talk to me and I tend to snap back. When it happened, she immediately got angry and complained about me with the other practitioners, saying things like *"doesn't it bother you that this idiot is so moody?"* or *"tell this idiot to change her mood"*, which made me feel down. In addition, she organized a weekly lunch outing with all the practitioners on Thursday, my only day off from the practice. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because they're very good friends, and since he's an only child he values his friendships very much. I also don't want to be the typical jealous girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from having female friends. But I can't stand it anymore. I've come to hate my practice. I don't know why she acts like this with me. I know she doesn't want my boyfriend because she has been in a relationship for years, and I'm not a confrontational person to make her stop. Edit: I reached my limit. she called me a *"privileged princess"* because my parents are going to pay off my student debt when I graduate, while her parents took half of a scholarship she got. She doesn't know shit about me. I'll tell my boyfriend everything. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10rrqp4/update_i_hate_my_boyfriends_best_female_friend/) (2 Feb 23) **UPDATE: I hate my boyfriend's best (female) friend** Thank you very much for the comments, many were helpful. For those of you wondering where my boyfriend is in all of this, this issue started less than a month ago, so it's not very recent. About the calls, apparently it's easier for her to call since she's a single mom and is often driving (but doesn't justify her calls at 2 in the morning). I told him weeks ago that it didn't make me feel comfortable and he immediately asked her to stop. I think that was what triggered her to be mean to me. When I came back from my practice I told him everything. I tried to be firm, but I started crying. I told him all the things that she has said, that she has done, and how she makes me feel. At all times I made it clear that I don't expect him to stop being friends with her, but to help me solve all this or at least understand why, maybe talking to her. He was furious, which is unusual for him. He told me that under no circumstances he would let someone treat me like that and that he didn't care if they'd been friends for years, after what I told him, he didn't want to talk to her anymore. He showed me their chats to confirm that there's nothing between them and apologized for not noticing sooner. I told him that I never doubted him, and that I kept quiet because didn't want to jeopardize their friendship. He "scolded" me for it and promised that I can always tell him everything. Now she ignores me. There's only one month of practice left, and after that I won't deal with her again. She made a passive aggressive comment about *"girls needing their man to defend themselves"* and I told her *"at least my boyfriend cares about me"* which made her go quiet (she always complains that her boyfriend is jealous, checks her phone and won't let her go out without his permission). She was also kicked out of her thesis group for never showing up for the meetings, so that would be it. I arranged my schedule so I wouldn't have to deal with her for the rest of my practice, and while it all worked out without confrontation on my part, I'm working on being able to set limits in the future. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10xjhrk/i_hate_my_boyfriends_best_female_friend/

10xjhrk

AITA for saying my sister doesn't have to dictate what I do in my own home after she insisted on setting the table for dinner?

CONCLUDED

AITA for saying my sister doesn't have to dictate what I do in my own home after she insisted on setting the table for dinner? Trigger warning: general assholery [ORIGINAL:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10qtu86/aita_for_saying_my_sister_doesnt_have_to_dictate/) by u/amitheasshole970 on r/AmITheAsshole (January 31, 2023) I'm (42) the eldest of 8 siblings, this concerns my youngest sister Elina (23). Me and my husband have 2 kids (16 and 13). Elina's staying with us for 4 months because she started at a new college, and she needs some time to sort out housing. She's been here for a couple of weeks so far, last night she made dinner for everyone (she said she wanted to). The way dinner usually works in my household is I dish up the food, then my kids take it to their rooms to eat. We obviously have family dinner too, but this is just more convenient for all of us as we don't have to spend time setting the table every day, and we can eat at different times if needed (also by different times I don't mean someone eats at 7 pm and someone eats at 3 am, just a small gap). I know this isn't for everyone and that's okay, but this is what works for our family. Elina knows this. So last night she made fried dumplings, orange chicken, fried rice and chocolate cake for dessert. I went into the kitchen to thank her and saw her setting the table. I told Elina she doesn't need to do that and we'll take food from the pot. My 13 yo started saying she was hungry so I went to get food since everything was done, but Elina stopped me and said to wait a few minutes and we'll eat together. Again I told her that's not how it really works here, one of my kids is hungry now, but my 16 yo usually eats a bit later. Elina then said she was going to serve the dumplings first, then chicken and rice and cake after. I repeated to her, again, we can get the main food at once, cake later and if anyone wants seconds we'll come and get it, it's fine, no need to set the table. She looked upset and said she wants to have a 'nice dinner together' and 'involve the kids'. I had enough at this point so I told her I know my kids and family, she doesn't have to dictate what we do in my home. My husband saw what was going on and told Elina thanks, but we know how to serve ourselves. Elina eventually understood but she was acting sulky, and giving me the cold shoulder this morning. AITA? *Most all the commenters think OOP and her dinner rules are strange. Everyone is confused on how she could misconstrue what her sister meant by cooking for the family and eating together as a family. It shows a lack of consideration and love for her sister's kind gesture. She is deemed an asshole.* [OOP keep emphasizing that she and her husband value independence in their daughters, which is why no one eats together as a family. They only eat dinner together once a month.]( https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10qtu86/comment/j6rtmfr/) That's 30 minutes we could've spent on our own time (and no it would take more than 30 minutes with the 3 course style Elina wanted to do). My daughters have their own things to do, we have our own things to do, Elina probably does too. I like to give my kids their independence instead of helicopter parenting. I do see how this is a communication issue though. [OOP confirms that her sister did specify that she wanted the family to eat dinner together. OOP thought "dinner together" meant by her bizarre standards.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10qtu86/comment/j6s02l5/) Elina asked me a few days prior she wants to cook a meal for everyone and what day would be best for that. I said Tuesday night (so last night), she said okay and to keep that day free so we could have dinner together. She never said she wanted everyone to sit down at the table. I obviously thought dinner together just meant she would be cooking for all of us, since she normally only cooks for herself. But she wanted everyone to sit down, which we don't usually do [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/amitheasshole970/comments/10rml3i/update_aita_for_saying_my_sister_doesnt_have_to/) (February 1, 2023) It's pretty early in the morning but I'm up and wanted to post an update. Couldn't reply to all the comments but I'll cover some questions people were asking here. Firstly thanks to the comments who were kind and tried to understand both mine and Elina's side, and I can see we had some communication issues. 1. I knew even before I posted a lot of people would gloss over the question I was even asking and immediately jump on we have our dinners separately. As I mentioned, I know this doesn't work for everyone. That's fine. This is what works for us. I don't neglect my kids, they're happy, healthy teens. 2. A lot of comments about what we do at restaurants. We eat at restaurants how everyone eats at restaurants. My home isn't a restaurant, so we eat here how we eat at home. 3. Some comments saying Elina wanted to make dinner because she was feeling lonely and we made her feel lonelier. No, she said she wanted to make a meal because she had some news to share. I never ask her to make food, do any chores, etc, she's free to do as she wishes. I did have a chat with Elina that we appreciated the meal, but she's been here for a few weeks already and knows very well what our eating routine is like. I did apologize for a misunderstanding on my part, but having dinner exactly the way she wants isn't the only form of appreciation. We all told her the food was delicious, because it was, and that should be enough. She seemed to understand and said okay, but was still a little quiet around us so I think I'll let her cool off for a bit. [The big news the sister wanted to share that OOP was still dismissive about:](https://www.reddit.com/user/amitheasshole970/comments/10rml3i/comment/j6wgedd/) I asked her later about the news, so yes I know. Her long distance boyfriend managed to get a job here so he's moving (good to hear but this wasn't exactly news because she said before if he's trying to get a job here. This is also why she can't stay at student housing because they want to live together). She also received a scholarship for her post-grad program.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10xt662/aita_for_saying_my_sister_doesnt_have_to_dictate/

10xt662

Man cheats on his wife and his daughters hate him for it.

REPOST

*I am not OOP, OOP is* u/ThrowRAresentement32 *and he posted on* r/relationship_advice [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qo47cg/how_can_i_manage_the_resentment_my_girlfriend_25f/)\- November 6th 2021 I know I'm going to get a lot of shit, for the absurd age gap and the way we started. And I agree and I deserve it but I would really like some genuine advice past going to counselling (she won't agree and I can't afford it anyways). Tangible things that I can work on and introduce to help us ge this either as a couple or as effective co-parents. Long story short: My ex-wife and I were together since middle school. We have four daughters in their teens. I was a SAHD and part time worker for most of my life until my youngest was in middle school. My ex agreed to invest in a passion project business of mine. I hired a receptionist. We started an affair and she baby trapped me. Now we're living together and have a young son. She resents me because she feels she was fooled. She saw me as a business owner who had a nice car, nice clothes, took her to nice places etc. She thought I was rich so she got pregnant on purpose (admitted it, not an assumption) hoping to use me to not work and sponsor her family from overseas. Well actually my ex-wife and her family are the rich ones. None of our homes were in our names. We were "renting" from her parents and giving them a nominal fee with the expectation that these homes would be left to my ex (and me) after their death. This allowed my ex's salary (\~150K, not huge in the high COL area) to stretch and we lived a really good life. I left our marriage with half our savings (\~25K) and my personal property and car. I lost my business due to lack of funding and I did not seek alimony. I resent her because I feel I was fooled. I thought she loved me and couldn't believe the interest a young, hot woman showed in me. She was incredibly persistent and pursued me strongly. But she has no feelings for me, no care or desire. Now that the ruse is dropped, I can't believe I gave up my entire life for what I see was an ego trip. I loved my ex-wife, really I did and still do. But I had never been with another woman and any attempts to open our relationship were shot down. This was like a wet dream come true and I was weak. Now both me and my gf are in a place we didn't imagine. She's living in a shitty apartment with an old man and still has to work. I've lost my kids, the love of my life, my family, my lifestyle, my business and it's all 100% my own fault. She stopped being intimate with me as soon as she found out I wasn't rich. We're still together on my end because I feel like I need to have something to show for this shit show of a situation. At least I got a son and a partner out of it. At least it wasn't for nothing. And also because I don't trust her with our son. She would never agree to give me full custody and she's not a good mother. I would be worried for his safety and the people she would have him around. I honestly don't know why she hasn't left me from her end. What can I do to improve this situation? I know logically it would be best to break up and co-parent but I'm afraid for my son and I'm embarrassed for myself. Is there a way to salvage this situation? I'm thinking of just telling her we can have an open relationship. She can sleep with whoever she wants and go wherever she wants as long as she lives here so I can have my son 100% of the time (I work from home). I don't know if that's the answer here though. [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qtdwa4/how_can_i_42m_build_my_relationship_back_up_with/)\- November 14th 2021 I had an affair, my ex-wife divorced me and my kids absolutely refuse to speak to me. I was an incredibly involved dad. Most of their lives I worked 1-2 days a week and then stayed home with them the rest. I was closer to them than their mom and I'd like to think I've never disappointed them before this. I made a mistake, it's been over 2 years since it all came out and I haven't been able to make any headway. My eldest is hung up on the fact that I now have a young son. Every first born of each generation in my family has been a boy for a long time and she broke the streak. I honestly could not care less about that, I've always thought that pressure was stupid and I'm not a traditionally masculine guy that always wanted a boy. But she's so hurt that I have a son and is convinced that's all I've ever wanted and he's replaced her and my daughters. None of that is true. All of my girls said they don't consider themselves to have a brother and want nothing to do with him. All four of them feel betrayed and blame me for breaking up our family. I deserve the blame, it's my fault and I take responsibility. But I can't change the past and I don't know how I can begin making up for it. My ex has full custody of them but I'm supposed to have visitation one weekend a month. They're all in therapy and it was suggested to not enforce the visitation and respect their boundaries while they work through it. I've done that the entire time and there's no progress made. Does anyone have any suggestions about what I can do here? My ex absolutely hates me but was always supportive of the girls staying in contact with me. She's respected their wishes but still gives me updates once in a while. My eldest is turning 18 soon and graduating this coming year and probably moving away for university. I feel like the time to make up with her especially is slipping away. I know I'm the shitty person here. I was a terrible husband but I was honestly a really good dad and I miss my girls. Has anyone been through something like this? How did it turn out? What are your suggestions? *User ask OOP if he fought for costudy.* OOP:" I did fight for custody but they were all old enough that the court considered their preference and the situation and only granted me visitation. A part of that was also because I didn't have the means to get a place large enough for all four girls, my son, my girlfriend and myself. I still don't have room for them in my current apartment and being a mostly SAHD did not give me the experience/education to get a good enough job to support them here. If I had the choice, I would've chosen my ex and family over my affair partner." *User ask OOP if his AP is his son's mother.* OOP: "She is. I got baby trapped during the affair (something she admitted) which I know makes this much worse. I think I could have maintained a relationship with my girls even after the divorce if I didn't have to stay with my AP and didn't have a new baby." *User tells OOP that he abandoned his family for a girl half his age so he couldn't expect them to want anything to do with them* OOP:" I didn't abandon them. I didn't leave my family for my gf. I wanted to stay with my girls and my ex and work this out. My ex refused because the girls already knew about the affair and it wouldn't be setting a good example and there was going to be another child involved that she wanted nothing to do with. But to be clear, I would've stayed with my family after the affair if given the choice. The affair was a stupid mistake born out of curiosity since my ex was the only woman I've ever been with. It was not something I was committed to or wanted to continue long term." *User asks OOP if he and his ex had a conversation about exploring their sexuality and why did he sought the affair.* OOP:" I brought this up before and we did have honest conversations about it. We'd been together since middle school and had been each others first and only. She LOVED that. She had no curiosity about other people and thought it was special that we'd only had sex with each other. And she is a very monogamous person in general, couldn't even handle the thought of me being with someone else. If I wanted to be with someone else, it would have to be as a single man. I didn't seek an affair. My gf pursued me strongly and it just happened. She got pregnant quite early into it. I didn't really plan on anything" *Top response for this comment:* "Just happened, huh? You accidentally fell into her vagina?" *User asks OOP why wont he not separate from his AP.* OOP:" I have to stay with her because she's a bad mother and I don't trust her with our son. If we split up then she would have him at least 50% of the time. I would've left a long time ago if not for that." [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sd9fv2/update_how_can_i_42m_build_my_relationship_back/)\- January 26th 2022 Good news: my girlfriend and I have broken up. She has gone back to her home country and left my son with me. Refused to sign any formal custody agreement so I'm hoping she stays there and doesn't bother us again. I'm pretty sure if she comes back and demands time with him I have a good case for maintaining custody. She's not even interested in face timing with him so he remembers her. I feel bad that my son will deal with a shitty/absent mother but I hope I can get him into therapy as he grows. ​ Bad news: I've tried my best to insist on visitation with my daughters and that has fallen through. They absolutely refused to see me. They wrote me a letter together that says how much they hate me, how betrayed they feel, how they'll never forgive me and how my son will never be their brother. To not even bother telling him about them because they'll never be interested in knowing him. Just to forget about them altogether and move on with my "new family". I have no legal recourse. The youngest is 13 now, old enough to have a say in custody arrangements. And I don't think forcing them to see me would do me any favours long term anyways. They also included pictures of their mother's wedding. My ex has no obligation to tell me about her personal life but I'm pretty pissed that there is a man living with my daughters that I didn't know about. It is a family friend that has been in their lives 10+ years so not a total stranger but still hurt to see pictures of their recent wedding and family pictures with my daughters. They mentioned that they have a father figure and don't need me anyways. The whole thing really hurt. I know I have no right to feel hurt that my ex has moved on when I cheated on her. But their whole relationship has moved very fast so I'm now wondering if they started it before we got divorced. No way to know now. Doesn't matter anyways. My ex agreed to keep me up to date and send pictures of my daughters once in a while. After dealing with my son's mom, I'm grateful she is so good to our girls and I don't have to worry about their well-being. I'm trying to focus on being a good dad to my son and patiently waiting for my girls to grow up and reach out. It may never happen but I'm hopeful that they will understand me more as they become adults and gain context for life. *Top comment on this post:* "Man ruined his whole life to get his d\*ck wet for five minutes".

AfterHeat4755

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10yn7oi/man_cheats_on_his_wife_and_his_daughters_hate_him/

10yn7oi

WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?

NEW UPDATE

I am not the OP. OOP is u/thra-bludia in AITA, with updates on her profile. This is an update to a story originally posted here by u/RetroRian a few months back. New posts will be marked with 🛑🛑🛑. [WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/twngy8/wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- April 4th, 2022 My husband (40M) and I(34F) have been married for 4 yrs. I came into my stepdaughter’s (16F) life when she was 10. Both her and my stepson (now 12M) were somewhat neglected and had behavior issues when I met them. My husband and his ex aren’t bad parents but he travels a lot for work and she is a bit flighty and self indulgent. My SD and I hit it off real well and I love both my stepkids. We all co-parented well, with me taking on a more active role in their school and other stuff. Both husband and his ex-wife were satisfied with me doing the grunt work for kids. They both travel a lot and I became the sole parent who was fully engaged. I own a 3 bedroom house I had inherited from my parents, and husband and kids moved in to live with me. Kids love their rooms in our home and their lives in our town. The custody arrangement they have on paper is 50-50 but their mom doesn’t have as much space as I do, so the kids are here almost full time. A few months ago, I came back from an overnight school field trip with my stepson to a very distraught SD. She found her parents together in my bedroom and was upset about the cheating. I was devastated to hear this from her. After some sleuthing I found out that their affair had been going on for months and possibly a whole year. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 years and we were having very frequent sex and realizing that my husband was sleeping with us back to back was especially nauseating for me. I have filed for divorce and asked him to leave. He doesn’t want this marriage to end and seems somehow convinced that I’ll change my mind. But he agreed to a separation and has moved out to an apartment. My SD was mad at both her parents and wants to continue living with me. Neither of them are taking any steps to move out the kids who are still living in their rooms and living their lives as if this family hasn’t imploded. I’d have been happy with having the kids with me, but my problem is that both my husband and kid’s mom feel at liberty to come into my house whenever they feel like it because their kids are here. She feels no guilt about the cheating and acts as if I am the interloper. She treats me like I am their nanny expecting me to continue taking care of things for kids and leaving me with instructions and criticisms. Meanwhile, my Ex frequently drops by under the guise of seeing the kids but keeps trying to cajole me into letting him move back. I love my SD and I don’t want to do anything to hurt her further, but I can’t take living like this. The amount of hurt and anger I feel towards my husband and his ex-wife is too much and it’s painful to have to keep dealing with them. The absolute cheek of them to treat me like this is making my head explode. But I don’t know what to do about the kids. Everyone in my life is expecting me to suck it up and do what’s best for the kids. I love them but this is becoming unbearable. [Update: WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/user/thra-bludia/comments/u8uq2i/update_wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- Posted April 21st, 2022 I tried submitting an update to aita and that didn't go through. I am posting the update here because I'd like some support and suggestions and you have been so helpful in the last post. I read all the comments but things blew up in my face soon after and I was offline for a while. Following the advice given, I talked with different lawyers to see what I could do to in this situation. What I found out wasn't very promising and the lawyer retainer fee for a custody fight is too high. With the separation my money situation is pretty tight and I couldn't afford to chase this issue legally. I've been stressed and working late these days. The day after I made the post I was gonna be late home and had asked SD to reheat the frozen lasagna I had made for dinner. When I arrived home, it was to both the kids having a meal with the Ex and their Mom (I'll call her M). M had decided to turn it into a family dinner and set out the food I made, on my formal dining table, with my nice dishes. She had created a pretty family moment with her and Ex under my roof. I completely lost it at that point. I regret to say I behaved abominably, screaming at her and my Ex and told them to get the hell out of my house. This happened in front of SS who was pretty shocked, so far I had kept him out of most of this mess. After my breakdown I needed some time away, so I drove out to spend the weekend with my cousin. SD wanted to come with me and we left SS with his Dad. SD was so sweet to me and very understanding of why I was upset. She hadn't invited her parents, her Mom had shown up and then she invited Ex for dinner. SD hadn't anticipated that I'd get this upset. Frankly, I am surprised too that I blew up like that. That's not the typical me. After we got back I let M know that she shouldn't come over anymore and if she did then I'll report her for trespassing. M didn't believe me and showed up to talk and I lost it at her and this time I did call the cops. They nicely asked her to leave and she did. SS was very upset at me for this. M showed up again the next day acting all sweet and telling me that I am being unreasonable. Unfortunately, I became pretty unhinged at this and swore and yelled at her. SS shoved me and screamed at me to shut up. I fell on my butt and was shocked into silence. M was pretty surprised too and left immediately, whereas SS ran and locked himself in his room. He called his Dad to come get him but he was out of town and M ignored his calls. SS is a very loving kid so his reaction was very heartbreaking. I understand where he is coming from though. M is his mother after all. M is also a very pretty person who comes across as very sweet and delicate. She's the type of woman people jump to help. It is natural that SS would feel protective of her. I hadn't expected that he'd turn on me though. The rest of the week was bad with SS angry at me and refusing to talk to me. When his Dad got back in town he came and got him. SS told him he didn't want to live with me anymore. A few days later Ex wanted me to take back SS, but the kid didn't want to come back. I told Ex I will not force him and Ex got pretty mad at me. He wanted me to fix the situation somehow. When I refused to make SS stay with me, Ex became pretty mean. He said a lot of ugly things, the worst being that he's relieved I didn't get pregnant because I'd make an awful mother. I was afraid of things turning out this way, but I've got Ex and M out of my house and that is a relief. SD is going to live with me till she moves out to college. Ex is struggling to find childcare for SS and is so angry at me that I think he'll not slow down the divorce anymore. I want to fix this with SS, but a big selfish part of me is afraid to do anything that'll bring his parents back in my life. I really don't understand M's actions and motivations in all this. She wanted to sleep with Ex and I had walked out of the picture and it was all hers. If she wanted her kids, it wasn't like there was anything I could do about that. If she didn't want her kids, I was already taking care of them. But she'd keep violating my boundaries with a smile on her face and be all surprised that I am not happy about this. Right now neither her nor Ex want to be the daily parent to SS, but he is angry at me enough that he doesn't want to chose me. I feel so crushed about that. [Update 2: WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/user/thra-bludia/comments/ukvq8v/update_2_wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- May 8th, 2022 Nothing of consequence has happened on the legal fronts since my last post. Emotionally, it has been a lot of ups and downs. A lot of people messaged me suggesting that I should let SD go and its not healthy to have her staying with me. That maybe so on paper, but its not something I want to do. I met Ex a few years after my parents death. I was very close to them and they passed away one after the other. I suffered from a lot of depression from grieving. My boyfriend at that time dumped me and I lost a lot of friends. When we started dating, I was coming out of my sadness but was still very lonely. SD and I became each others supports very quickly. She felt neglected by her parents and had resentment towards them and I suppose she loved the attention I gave her. I found her to be a loving kid and I liked bonding with her. SS and I were close too, while he loved his mom I did kinda assume that he was closer to me. One of the resentments that SD held against her parents was that they were uninterested and dismissive of her extracurriculars that led to her failing in some activities she was very passionate about. She's into a sport I was familiar with and I spend a lot of time training with her and taking her to her events and classes. She is very good at it now and it's going to be a source of scholarships for her and possibly get her into the college she is interested in. She is hardworking and ambitious and I want to support her as much as I can. She has promised to keep her parents out of our home and I hope she sticks with that till she leaves for college. Ex has been very angry and ranting at me in messages. I have stopped answering his calls and I don't reply to his emails. I've told him the only subject I'll discuss with him is divorce and only through my lawyer. So he's been badmouthing me to a lot of our mutual acquaintances. A couple of people have gently chided me for abandoning SS. One went so far as to say that women who become stepmoms should know what they are signing up for, and a real mother wouldn't leave her children. I am not good with conflict and haven't been able to respond properly. I've pretty much isolated myself from people so I don't have to listen to comments like these. M is still blocked by me and she hasn't made any more efforts to communicate with me and that is a huge relief. A week after the last post, SIL came down to see me. She lives 3 hours away so I was pretty apprehensive that she was going to drive down all the way over here to talk to me. I asked to meet in a restaurant and she agreed. I was also worried about talking to her because while she's been polite and nice with me, she was and still is M's friend. She told me Ex had urged her to talk to me about SS and she completely disagrees with him about that. She said I've been a great stepmom to SS but he's not my responsibility. Ex was honest with her about his affair and she supports me getting divorced. She said a lot of supportive things to me about moving on and looking after myself and also thanked me for taking care of SD still. That was nice, but then she went on to add that she wasn't surprised by the affair at all, she was surprised that Ex married me. She was like you should've seen this coming. Though she didn't come out and say it, the insinuation was that M is so much better than me, she's prettier, more successful, more charming and Ex would jump on the chance to be with her. That was just great to hear, peachy! Though its easy for me to accept now that I am not the smart one here because I didn't see it coming at all. I was happy and in love with my family. The upside to that meeting is that Ex has stopped harassing me. I haven't heard anything from him since and I think he has stopped talking about me to others too. I don't have anything on SS yet, though SD told me he's alright and waiting for summer vacation to start. A few of you said that M might have been interested in taking my house. I don't think so. She does alright by herself and has a good career. She has a rather spendy lifestyle and lives in a very fancy 2 bedroom apartment in the city, while my house is in a child friendly but staid suburb. I hope things continue to be quite because I need to get my head straight and focus on work or I may get fired. And my job is the one thing going for me right now. [Update 3: WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/user/thra-bludia/comments/utylzb/update_3_wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- Posted May 20th, 2022 We had a court date and the judge ordered mediation and put this off for a few more months. I was hoping this would be a wrap up, after all we don't have kids together and I want nothing from Ex. I didn't bring up custody for SD or SS and he didn't either. All I want is a divorce and to walk away with what I brought in - my house and my car. Ex isn't fighting for those but he's still saying he doesn't want a divorce. WTH man. He's left me two messages asking to talk. I've ignored him. The mediation will be over Zoom which to me sounds more comfortable than in person meeting. SD and I are doing well living together. M is silent. Nothing from SS so far. 🛑🛑🛑 [Update 4: WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/user/thra-bludia/comments/vt3kpo/update_4_wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- July 6th, 2022 I AM DIVORCED!!! Papers are signed, judge has signed off, its done! I am so relieved. I was scared that this would drag on for longer. The first mediation meeting was a shit show with ex trying to talk at me that we should go through marriage counseling. The mediator was a very firm woman who kept the conversations in control though. We had a couple more mediation emails and he agreed to sign off. I was still nervous about how it'd go today, but ex played nice and signed off on everything. A very nice surprise was that he voluntarily gave me our entire joint savings account. I was not expecting that. I had asked for half of it though in reality he has put more in it than I did. I'd have been ok with taking just my portion, but he surprised me by giving me all the money. It was our emergency savings, so not a rich amount but a nice high five figure number. I am so relieved about it. Money had become tight with lawyer fees and changes and this helps. Emotionally also it made me feel better about myself. I may be wrong but my heart wants to read this as his acknowledging that he screwed me over and I deserve something back. [Update 5: WIBTA if I ask my stepkids to move out?](https://www.reddit.com/user/thra-bludia/comments/y5muo3/update_5_wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/) -- October 16th, 2022 Ok, not really an update, more like a vent. I can write things down here that I can't talk about in real life. I am making a big show of being happy and social and carefree to people in real life, but honestly I am so damn miserable and sad. The first couple months I soldiered on out of pure spite and determination to remake myself, but its devolving into sadness. I had been avoiding hearing anything about Ex or M, but SD has been having some issues and she vented to me how mad she's at her parents, Mom mostly. Ex and M didn't last long, they were having fights and issues well before my divorce finalized. M immediately started dating someone else and from what I hear she's happy in this current relationship and is so into it she hasn't even met either of her kids in the past two months. Only video calls. Ex had to juggle a lot of things to adjust his work schedule and get dependable childcare for stepson. He's dating too now, a much younger woman. Ex and M used to coparent well, but I guess I was the one really doing that because right now they hate each other and hardly ever talk. One would think that'd make me happy, seeing them fall apart from each other, but its only making me more angry. My life was ruined, the kids happy home was destroyed and for what? I miss my old life so much. A lot of it was a lie, but I was so happy and full of purpose then. I am just feeling lost right now. I have tried dating and have been on a lot of dates, but they have all been bad or wrong. People around me have been setting me up with divorced dads and no offense to them but I can't do that again. I actually had one date which felt more like an interview for a nanny role. It made me so depressed. SD is doing great though and that brings me a lot of joy. I am little scared of the time, soon, when she'll move out and it'll be just me in this big house. I've talked to SS on the phone a couple of times. That boy has grown up and changed so much it feels like we were separated for years. He's going to come for a sleepover during the Halloween weekend and I am pretty excited about that. SD was going to babysit him at Ex's place while he travels but I okayed having him with us since its Halloween. **Friendly reminder: I am not the OP.**

EllieDai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10z4y3g/wibta_if_i_ask_my_stepkids_to_move_out/

10z4y3g

My husband (M35) thinks I (F32) baby trapped him despite the baby being planned - please help!

ONGOING

*I am not the OP. OOP is ThrowRATucanTucans, who posted in* r/relationship_advice *after her first post was removed from AITA.* # [The Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10sexhv/my_husband_m35_thinks_i_f32_baby_trapped_him/) (Feb 03, 2023) Originally posted in A I T A but was removed by the mods. My husband (M35) and I (F32) have been married for seven years. He lived next door and we just clicked - it was like a fairytale. One thing I have always thought made our marriage so strong was our friendship with each other and our trust in one another, although now my husband seems to think otherwise. Recently, my husband found out that his friend, 'Geoff' (M34), has been baby trapped. Basically, Geoff's wife (F32) stopped taking the pill and fell pregnant a few months into their relationship, and only came clean after the wedding. Geoff came from a very conservative family, which his wife knew, and so he felt obligated to marry her after the pregnancy. Unfortunately, he also now feels obligated to stay regardless of the clearly messed up dynamic because he feels that he has made a vow and will stick by his wife and child. My husband, for some reason, has been really rattled by this. I am currently four months pregnant with our first, and my husband asked me yesterday if I was trying to baby trap him. I first laughed because I honestly thought it was a joke. He was dead serious and doubled down, so I told him that we have already been married for seven years and a baby was not going to 'trap him' any more than he already is. My husband did not like that answer and said that there was no time limit on baby trapping, and that my intentions were clearly not pure given how I was acting as if his concerns were a joke. He said he had trusted me in the past, but me laughing in his face gave him no reason to trust me now. I did not really know what he wanted or how I was meant to respond, and I said we should talk about this in the morning. Today I woke up and my husband was gone, but I did have a nasty text from his brother (M28) saying that I had forced my husband into this pregnancy - despite it having been a joint decision! My husband is MIA and not responding to calls or texts, and now I am wondering how on earth to go forward! Any advice is appreciated. &#x200B; *The commenters were as baffled as OOP, but basically two major theories were put forth:* * *either the husband was panicking about fatherhood and looking for a way out that would let him save face* * *or the husband had started an affair with someone else and was, again, looking for a way to end things without looking like the bad guy.* *The consensus also seems to be that there is no coming back from this, because even if he comes back to apologize, her trust in him is destroyed.* # [The Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10t32q0/update_my_husband_m35_thinks_i_f32_baby_trapped/) (Feb 04, 2023) Not sure if I am allowed to post an here again, but I wanted to quickly update everyone who was kind enough to give me some advice. I didn't respond to anyone because my post was locked quite quickly, but I have read every single comment and message. I am very grateful! I realised while I was reading the comments that everyone was right - I wasn't angry enough. My husband had insulted me and our marriage in a very hurtful way, and it just didn't really register for a while. I was so confused and upset that it didn't occur to me to be angry, but I think everything just needed to sink in. In the meantime, I called my best friend (F31) who has been such a rock in my life. She came over with some chocolate, and was furious when she heard. She called her husband (M34) to the house after I had gotten everything out of my system. He is a family lawyer, and he said that he would happily represent me if I wanted to go through with a divorce. This man is a saint, and will draw up divorce papers on Monday. My MIL (F66) showed up with my husband in the car not long after my best friend's husband arrived, and she practically dragged him to the door. My MIL said that he had showed up at theirs late last night saying that he was certain that I was using the baby to trap him. Fortunately my MIL is a smart woman and absolutely tore him a new one before dragging him to the house today to apologise. My worm of a husband did not look me in the eye the entire time, but said that he was scared about becoming a dad and projected his fears onto me. He said he wasn't sure if he was ready for that kind of commitment, but he will step up (as if he is some kind of hero - eye roll). I called him a coward and told him that he should stay with his parents until I am ready to talk to him. I didn't want to say anything about the divorce papers because I didn't know what his reaction would be, but he will find out soon enough. I also showed my MIL the text from my BIL, and her face was like a storm cloud. I don't know what will happen there, but I am sure it will be bad. For now, I am exhausted and just want to curl up and cry. My best friend has said she'll spend the night with me and we can watch silly movies. I have also made an appointment with a therapist for next week, but for now, I just need to rest. I am exhausted and devastated that my marriage has come crumbling down. Sorry for the sad ending, everyone! &#x200B; *So, deus ex machina in the guise of MIL to the rescue (what did that poor woman ever do to deserve two such useless sons?). Husband to find out he is going to be an ex-husband fairly soon, so at least his main concern will be removed, as he will be spared the* *arduousness* *of hands-on parenting. (I can't imagine OOP will want to force custody for a newborn on a man who doesn't want it.) Marked as "Ongoing", because we hope OOP will update further about her stbx-husband's reaction to the divorce, and how she plans to handle custody. Hopefully OOP will get to keep the MIL in the divorce!*

Corfiz74

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10z7mcl/my_husband_m35_thinks_i_f32_baby_trapped_him/

10z7mcl

AITA for doing the same thing to my bf vehicle that he does to mine?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/crazy_family35 in r/TwoHotTakes on Dec 23, '22, updated Jan 31, '23 [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/ztdfqm/aita_for_doing_the_same_thing_to_my_bf_vehicle/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) AITA for doing the same thing to my bf vehicle that he does to mine and his? I'll try and keep this as short as possible for you guys. I 21f have been dating my bf 21m for a little over a year and have just moved in together. I have a really good job and own a $35-40,000ish toyota hilux that I use for work while my bf owns a $10,000 at most toyota surf, this information is important to the story. I make significantly more than him. So my bf has this big idea that because my truck cost more and is "cheaper" to deal with that we should use it 95% of the time and only use his for short distance travels or if I didn't fill mine up which i'm fine with most of the time as this is true and his can be a bit unreliable sometimes. The problem I have is that he insists on using my truck for whatever he wants to do and when I say no he pulls the "we are a couple and should share everything between us 50/50 blah blah " card. Recently I found out that he took my truck off-roading through a mutual friend and when he returned it had scratches all up the drivers side and a dent on the front bonnet. I was furious. Our mutual friend said that was trying to see how much the truck could put up with and ended up losing control which lead to him sliding into a bank. He also said that he would speed down a straight and slam the brakes which would lead the truck to spin out. When I got home later that day I blew up at him and demanded that he help pay for the repairs that needed to be done which he refused because he was saving up to make upgrades to his own truck. I left to go to a mates house to cool down and ended up staying the night. When I checked my phone the next morning there were text messages and missed calls from him asking where I was and that he needed MY truck to do something. I refused again and didn't hear from him for the rest of the day. When I got home later that night he said he was sorry and that he wanted to take me out to dinner and that we can take his truck if I liked. I said yes and so we left with me driving his truck. When we were almost at our destination I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and abruptly put my foot on the brake which lead to his truck stopping quite suddenly. I laughed but when I looked over at him his face was twisted in anger and he yelled at me asking how I could be so stupid and inconsiderate towards his truck...I was stunned. I quietly got out of the truck, called an uber to take me home, packed some things and went to my parents house. My mom and his mom and the majority of our friends think he's TA but my dad and some other friends said that I'm TA and should think about how hes feeling and that his truck is a lot older than mine and more prone to breaking which is starting to make me second guess my feelings towards this whole thing. I feel like he's just using me for what I have and to get what he doesn't have. So AITA? Edit: There's a few comments I want to address but I can't be bothered replying to them one by one. * My truck plays a major role in what I do for work so I can't afford to not have it. * He has apologized before for taking my truck without asking me many times before and then trying to sugarcoat it by trying to do something nice for me and I always gave in and continues to use it after I say no or that I need it. * Even though I make more than him he still has a well paying job but says that he doesn't want to spend anything unnecessary as he wants to save up to upgrade his truck then sell it on and get a better one. He told me this and we agreed on paying 60/40 for our place although looking back on it he may have gaslight me a little into agreeing. * He does pay for gas but only fills it up to where it was before using it. (I'm still grateful he pays for gas when he uses it) * I'm meeting up with his mom in a couple days to talk about a few things but she has already said that whatever I decide she will back me. *In the comments:* >At first I was thinking NTA because he’s clearly being disrespectful to you and your truck. However he’s then apologised for his actions, offered to take you out for dinner and drive in his truck as an amendment, he might even make further apologies/discussions about it later at dinner - and you have responded by being a petty child and treating his truck disrespectfully. So YTA for that. OP: This isn't the first time he has been reckless with my truck. I understand I may have overreacted and he says sorry every time I found out he took it without asking me that's why I thought this time would be no different but I probably shouldn't have jumped conclusions like that This wasn't the first time he has apologized for taking my truck without asking me and then trying to sugarcoat it by doing something nice but I may have jumped the boat a bit thinking this time would be no different. Looking back now I do agree it was a bit immature of me to do that >NTA at least you didn't take his car offroading. OP: Haha no he won't let me because he does not want me to show him up. I grew up learning the best ways to drive when off-roading and also learnt rally driving from my big brother. He takes my truck off-roading because he likes to show off to all our other mates he goes with. >He is 100% using you and you really need to reconsider this relationship! OP: After reading all these comments and having some time away to think I can say for certain that I definitely am. After sleeping on it and thinking about it a bit more and talking to my mom I am considering leaving him...my name is on the house because I paid the down payment for it. The truck is fully paid off now I saved up as much as I could to pay for it before we got the house and then every cent I could spare went into the payment. He tried asking me if I could put his name on the truck as well but only as a small holder but I outright refused because I didn't want him getting any ownership ideas and have him throw that in my face down the line. [Update 6 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Crazy_family35/comments/10pxfs0/aita_for_doing_the_same_thing_to_my_bf_vehicle/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Sorry this took so log everyone it's been a crazy couple months with holidays and stuff and I just needed to take a break from things. I met with his mum a couple days after xmas, we talked and long story short she said that he has been struggling since he never had a male figure but that doesn't excuse his disrespectful behavior towards me and my things. She said that he should be more than grateful that I pay for the majority of the things we own and do do and outright said I should leave him. Honestly before I met up with her I had already planned on it. When I got home yesterday I sat him down and gave him a rundown of the things he had done to me over the past year and told him that we are done and that I want him and his stuff out by morning (the day I wrote this.) He was not happy and went into a shouting fit and started calling me all sorts of colorful words. He tried stepping up to me but I held my ground and also had my dog with me who is fiercely loyal and got in between me and him. He was stunned to say the least because he thought he had made a connection with my dog but no matter what he is loyal to me. I left and gave him one last warning that if he wasn't out by the time I got back today that I will be calling the police. He was gone by the time I got back today and I'm planning on getting the locks to everything changed. I contacted a lawyer who said that since my name is on the house and I pay for the majority of the costs that there isn't much he can do. I got messages from my mates who said that he tried disrespecting me to them but they gave him the cold shoulder. I arrived back home to find him there with a friend he had before we met and he got ugly again saying that I owed him and if I didn't give him what he wanted there would be consequences. I think he thought this threat would scare me but I was over being the nice guy to him and told him that if he didn't leave immediately that there would higher consequences for him. I showed him my phone which was recording him and he threw another temper tantrum. When he was leaving he tried taking my dog with him. This is when it gets interesting. He opened my truck door where my dog was and tried grabbing by the collar which lead to my dog biting him on the arm. He left and I called the cops to get a restraining order put in place. I messaged him and said that if he doesn't at least help me pay for the repairs to my truck that I would be taking him to court and contacting his insurance provider. He hasn't gotten back to me yet. So yeah safe to say I've had my fair share of drama the last couple days but it feels like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with him directly anymore. I'm looking at this as a good thing to take away stuff that I have learnt from this relationship to put into what I'll be expecting and not expecting in my new one (not that I'll be looking for a while). Thank you all for your insightful comments and words it helped me greatly. I will try my best to answer any questions in the comments :) **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10zgrmp/aita_for_doing_the_same_thing_to_my_bf_vehicle/

10zgrmp

AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/trickortreat_ta in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 2, '22, updated Feb 4, '23 [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yk6gn2/aita_for_choosing_my_budget_over_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween? I need some perspective here, this whole thing is so out of control I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January. We had a ton of early money arguments and agreed that we would keep to a household budget. Also, he agreed to pay down his credit card debt. I have more flexibility in my personal spending than he does. Early after we moved in, my bf told me that as a kid he always wanted to live in one of the houses that were totally decorated for trick or treat and handed out full size candy. Here's where I messed up. I took this as a comment and not a plan. When the end of September came, we went to the halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn't know. We go over the monthly budget together, and it was never listed. When he found out that there was no halloween savings, we had an argument. Afterwards I talked to friends who all said he had talked about trick or treat extensively and how much it meant. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 my money, and went to him with an apology. He decided to buy one big piece, an animatronic clown and some lights. It burned through the $500, plus he put a little on his own credit card. He wanted another big piece and was mad I wouldn't put it on my credit card. I asked if he wanted to put up handmade decorations or spider webs but he said it would look cheap. A few weeks later, we had a fight over candy. He was still stuck on buying full size bars. We easily get over 250 trick or treaters and I said we just don't have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars. I also had these little coloring books for the allergy and diabetes kids. Jump forward to Halloween. Early kids show up and he is letting them grab handfuls. I remind him we have a ton of trick or treaters coming, and he got really annoyed. I had ordered a pizza for us. So I get it and go inside for about 10 minutes. By the time I came back out, the trick or treat bowls were empty. He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kids bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along. He told me that I'd have to go run out and buy more candy on my credit card. I said I wasn't going to do that, and it wasn't my fault he just handed out 20 pounds of candy. He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside. He responded that he wasn't stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy. I told him to have fun with the clown, and went inside. He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treat was ruined bc I'm cheap. I handed the rest of the pizza at him and refused He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am. AITA? *In the comments:* A lot of the debt is understandable. He spent part of his childhood in foster care, and his parents kicked him out when was 18 with nothing really. He went into debt early to pay for his basic needs, never really learned how to have financial literacy. Only when I pointed it out did he start to pay more than the minimum on his debts and start to work his way out of it. He had a REALLY toxic childhood, and this is his first real stable situation. Apparently, trick or treat was the time he sort of got to see clean and stable homes, and he got more to eat out of that candy than he did at home. Having this big display and to do was a sign for him that someone had made it. I really didn't understand how much it meant to him, but his friends are on me about it. >Why are you with this guy? Does he pay anything resembling rent? Has he ever shown any signs of financial responsibility? OP: He makes me laugh. And yeah, after we sort of had a drag out fight over finances early on, he has paid his half into the household fund every month. (Budget covering everything that is communal, mortgage, utilities, etc). I have my own money and he has his, we earn similar but because he is working on debt he ends up having less personal money than I do. After we had an argument first month, I set up a monthly house budget that just covers communal things, and he has been contributing his half to it since, so half mortgage, utilities, etc. Because so much of his money is going to debt, I have more flexible personal budget, and I put money into savings. But yeah, financially he pulls his weight and he spent the summer being compulsive about having a perfect lawn, so it's not like he is useless around the house. *About the candy:* In my town if you have non candy options you can put a sign on your mailbox, so that families with kids who might have issues with candy know its safe to stop there. Literally doing what is asked by those families, and I don't ask why they aren't taking candy. It's just there when they ask for something else [Update 3 months later in r/justnoso](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/10tp70y/three_months_ago_basically_the_whole_internet/?utm_source=share&m_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Three months ago basically the whole internet told me to break up with my boyfriend. Two days ago, I finally ended it. I posted in AITA in early November about something that happened with my boyfriend. He had spent a ton of money on Halloween decorations and blamed me for ruining trick or treat. I wasn't sure where to post an update, so here I am. Everyone, and I do mean everyone online, basically said I was in the right and said some truly dire things about my relationship. I won't lie, there was so much anger towards him, I sort of shut down. When I started getting requests from actual news sources for more information? I just basically logged out and just decided to forget anything ever happened. We met the next day, as he had spent a few nights at a friend's house. I said that for things to continue, we needed couples counseling, and I expected him to set up the whole thing. He was surprisingly open to this and said he would work on it. And that's where things started to unravel. Our mutual friends had been really in his corner, bitching me out. But I found out the story that he had told them was way off from the truth. In his version I prevented any money for Halloween, and had gone cheap on trick or treat candy and was only handing it out to children I liked. Once they sort of heard my version, backed up with pics and receipts, support went to me. In fact his friends have been giving him a lot of ribbing about how he acted, which my now ex hates In the meantime, he had been working on getting us counseling, but found that getting therapy on his insurance meant months long waiting lists. So instead, he came up with this "couples coach" who was religious. I'm not religious and wasn't thrilled by this but figured it was better than nothing. Our first meeting was only 3 days after I posted. One funny thing that came up was that my ex immediately handed over a print out of the household budget, and the coach praised it... but the coach thought my ex was the one who wrote it and that I was failing to follow it. So what followed was this weird thing where my ex wanted all the praise, but also wanted the coach to badmouth the budget because my ex hates it. It took the better part of the first session to explain to him the actual situation, and the coach was weird about the fact that it was the woman in the relationship dictating money, even though he liked the budget itself (this was a lot of issues later, actually) The next day, one of our friends found the reddit post and sent it to my ex. All hell broke loose with him saying that I had betrayed his trust. Our next couples coaching session was all about that, and honestly I felt terrible for airing his dirty laundry. The coach and my ex both shit on me a ton in this time that I had publicly humiliated my ex. Obviously, I'm updating, so I don't care about embarrassing my ex anymore. He has this username and will probably read this. Whatever. One thing that was seemingly positive at first about the coaching was the coach pointed out that my ex had never had the ability to have holiday traditions because of his upbringing. I genuinely felt bad about this, and rolling into Christmas made a huge attempt to incorporate him into my family's traditions and to ask if there's anything he wanted to do. He responded by shitting all over my family's traditions and his only contribution was to suggest something really extravagant that would have cost a fortune. I swear he only did this just to badmouth me when I said no. This was all bookended by our twice a week visits to the couples coach who I increasingly hated. He would go through super religious prayers and having issue with us living together before marriage. Neither my ex or I responded positively to this. But my ex would get really into it when the coach would talk about more misogynistic 'men as head of household' stuff. When I said I'd prefer moving to a regular therapist, my ex said I was undermining his work getting us help. There's a dozen little things that happened in there where I should have broken up. But last week was the real final straw. Ever since my ex found the post I had made on reddit, he has been obsessed with going through my phone. Because of my career, I wouldn't let him. I have a lot of emails and accesses on my phone thats sensitive information in regards to work. I made a compromise that he could ask who I was texting etc and I'd show him at any point. This wasn't good enough. I don't know how he got into my phone. But he went through it fully and started raging out that I was keeping things from him. But none of it had any relation to him. (Like, I had a group chat where we were planning a wedding shower for a friend. He's only met this friend in passing. He knew I was helping plan it, but was mad that I hadn't let him know ever little detail. Specifically, we were surprising the bride by flying in her aunt who she rarely sees. I wasn't contributing to this financially, just knew about it. And somehow my not telling him that specific little thing was keeping secrets?) We were still fighting over this when we went to a party with friends. Apparently in digging through my old chats he found where a friend of mine had talked to me in confidence of a tragedy she went through. Only her husband and sisters were really in the know. My ex was drunk and started talking about this loudly about this to her with her husband right there. Her husband told her to shut up and my ex basically got all superior about knowing things and there not being secrets. It was very close to being a fight. I told him not to come back to my house after that, and he seems really shocked we broke up. I'm still numb about all of this, but yeah. Him? Never again.

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10zh4ho/aita_for_choosing_my_budget_over_my_boyfriend/

10zh4ho

I think my boss is tracking me.

CONCLUDED

**Reminder: I am not the OOP. OOP is u/gem1n-eye and the OP was posted in r/nanny. DO NOT BRIGADE** *Mood spoiler and TW: >!TW of stalking. Although OOP gets answers, it’s not satisfying!<* *Editors note: MB= Mom/Mommy Boss* **I [think my MB may be tracking me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/10me7qs/i_think_my_mb_may_be_tracking_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)** *posted January 27th* This is really weird to post, and I feel crazy for even thinking it. But so many weird things have happened over the past month I've been working for this family, I feel like I need a second opinion or someone to tell me if I'm going crazy. Like I said, I've worked for this family since just before the new year. They have two kids, 2 and 8. I know they have trackers sewn in to the 2 year old's diaper bag and the 8 year old's backpack, she told me about them and I obviously have no issue with that. The kids are great, MB is a single mom who seemed really lovely from our first few meetings. A few weeks ago, she sent me a text asking if I could come in now because she got called in to work. I lied and said I was in (big city in my state) visiting my sister for the weekend. It was a dumb white lie because I didn't want to be asked during the weekend if she kept being called in, as that has happened multiple times before and I really needed a full weekend to myself. She simply responded "You don't need to lie, I'll find a backup." It definitely gave me super weird vibes and was super embarassing, but I shrugged it off and figured she may have been at Trader Joes earlier in the day when I went, or she saw my car, something like that. Then this Tuesday, I came in and she was definitely cold towards me. I had been out celebrating a friend's birthday Monday night at a bar, but I nursed one drink the entire night and was never even tipsy. I take showers in the morning and wore clean clothes, so there's no way I smelled like alcohol. But she confronted me and accused me of being hungover, said I reeked of booze, and kept asking if I had a drinking problem because why would I be drinking on a Monday night? I was really put off, and told her the truth, that it was my friend's birthday and I was just out celebrating with her and some other friends and hadn't even drank. She paused for a super long time and just nodded, and left for work like nothing happened. MB is super religious and very vehemently anti-alcohol, but I still feel like it was a weird accusation. I asked my girlfriend when I got home if I smelled like alcohol or anything somehow, and she couldn't smell anything. Earlier today was the final incident that really cemented this stupid conspiracy theory in my head. I took the bus this morning when I normally take my car because I'm extra broke right now and need to save gas. I got to her house around 10 minutes early, but sat in a little wooded curb area for a while until it was my official time to start.5 minutes before my start time, MB texts me "Have you left yet?? I have a meeting at 10:30." I am NEVER late. I walked in early, and she looked confused. When I mentioned taking the bus, she literally said "Oh that makes sense." What the hell do I do? I looked all over my car, in my backpack, and in my car's carseat.. I couldn't find anything. Am I overthinking this? Edit: I just looked with the help from yall, and found an AirTag ductaped to the underside of my car. So, very very creeped out currently. Not sure what to say or do now. **Post from r/LegalAdvice** [My employer put an AirTag on my car.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legal/comments/10mtl2x/my_employer_put_an_airtag_on_my_car/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) *same day as OP* Hi, I'm having some major issues right now. For the full story check my post history, but the gist is that I'm a nanny for a single mom of two. I've only worked with her for about a month, and I knew she was tracking her children's location. After a series of weird comments, people recommended I check my car for AirTags using an Android app, and I found one very well hidden and ductaped under my car. I am super creeped out. I live in California, what is possible here? Can police do anything? I don't feel safe to confront my boss, and have called out sick today. **[Update to employer tracking me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/10trodm/update_to_employer_tracking_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)** *Posted February 5th* If you saw my post from last week, you know I found an AirTag under my car put there by my MB. Sorry for not updating sooner, I've been stressed and busy trying to get another job pretty much all day every day. So I ended up calling the police. They came to my place and checked out the car, AirTag, etc, and they went and spoke with MB. AirTag was in her name, by the way, I know some people were suggesting it could be someone else (which sadly was a probability for a while because I do have a stalker, only making all of this more stressful). MB was shocked that I had called the police over the tag and totally tried to gaslight the officers. She said that she put it there to make sure I wasn't speeding and as backup if I lost their bags with the trackers. She also flat out lied and said she had told me, but I must not have been listening. They just gave her a warning, and no further action was taken. I honestly don't think they really took my concern seriously. If anything, they seemed to side with her perspective. So that's awesome. Sarcasm. I'm obviously not working for her anymore, and have blocked her phone number because she was belittling me over calling the police over "her keeping her children safe." On to the next job I guess. Anyone with advice on how to warn other nannies in my area is appreciated. *Marking as concluded since MB is blocked and OOP no longer works for her*

ABBR-5007

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10zmn04/i_think_my_boss_is_tracking_me/

10zmn04

I[24M] caught my sister[26F] trying to steal a watch of mine, and now my mother[51F] wants me to apologize to her.

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/rolexpreneur   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3fkk4p/i24m_caught_my_sister26f_trying_to_steal_a_watch/) \- 3rd August 2015 So last night I had some people over to to celebrate moving into my new place. I had some family and friends, including my sister and my mother. When I was growing up with my sister, she would often steal from myself and other family members. Money from my mom's purse or dad's wallet. She'd sneak into my room and take things. Steal money from our grandparents, etc. We aren't very close because of this, and I always try to keep an eye on here when she's around. Despite this, I decided to invite my sister over because she doesn't live to far away, and I know my mom would have been upset if I didn't. I put all of my watches and valuables in my safe, but I left out the watch I had planned on wearing that night(but ended up not wearing it and leaving it on my dresser) At one point during the party my sister asked me where the bathroom was and I pointed down the hallway and told her the bathroom was on the left. A couple minutes later I went to go grab something from my room and saw her come out of my room as I was walking down the hall. She gave me this startled dear in the headlights look and said she was looking for the bathroom and walked away really quickly. I immediately got worried and went to do a quick look around my room. I immediately noticed the watch missing from on top of my dresser. This isn't some cheap $20 watch, I paid over 30k for it earlier this year. I left my room and went straight to my sister to confront her. I pulled her off to the side so it wouldn't cause a scene, and told her that I knew she took my watch and if she gave it back right then I wouldn't call the cops. She got extremely defensive and started yelling about how she didn't take shit from me, and how I'm an asshole etc. At this point, a lot of people were staring and listening us. She told me she was leaving and started heading toward the door. I knew if she left I might never see my watch again, so I grabbed her purse from her and dumped everything on the ground. Sure enough, there is my watch right there on the ground with the rest of the stuff from her purse. My sister screamed at me and called me a fucking asshole and scooped up most of her stuff and ran out of my place. My mom followed her out and ended up not returning to the party. So after an awkward rest of the party, I got a call from my mom. She was mad at ME! I got some long lecture about how I "didn't need to humiliate my sister in front of everyone at the party", how she couldn't help herself, and that my sister is crying and upset now because of the "scene I caused" She also got mad at me for going through my sister's purse and told me that I should never look in a ladies purse and that it was a complete invasion of privacy. First of all, I tried to pull my sister off to the side. She was the one who started yelling at me and causing a scene that made everyone look over at her. I also wouldn't have had to go through her purse if she didn't STEAL FROM ME and deny it and try to leave. I'm not just going to risk losing a 30k watch because I "shouldn't look through a ladies purse" So now my mom wants me to not only apologize to my sister, but to tell all the guests that were there that it was a big misunderstanding and my sister didn't take anything. I'm really not sure what I should do about my mom. There is no way I'm going to apologize to my sister. She should be the one apologizing to me. And I'm certainly not going to lie to my how guests to get my sister out of the awkward mess she created for herself. I also don't know what to do about my sister. At this point I'm pretty much just done with her. I think she should be the one apologizing, but I doubt she will ever do that. Thanks in advance for any advice! &#x200B; *tl;dr: Had family and friends over for housewarming party. Caught my sister trying to steal a 30k watch from me. Everyone at the party saw me confront my sister and find the watch that she took in her purse. Mom wants me to apologize to my sister for embarrassing her and wants me to lie and tell the party guests that it was a misunderstanding and that my sister didn't actually steal from me.*   [**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3fwuub/update_i24m_caught_my_sister26f_trying_to_steal_a/) \- 6th August 2015 I invited my mom to lunch so that we could discuss what happened at the party and where to go from there. I explained to her that my sister stole a very expensive watch from me. It wasn't just some trinket, and it shouldn't matter even if it was. I tried to pull her away and confront her in private, but she chose to yell and curse at me and cause a scene. I also told her that I understand it is never okay to look into someones private purse or bag, but that sort of etiquette goes out the window when tens of thousands of dollars of my stolen property is in her purse. My mom then went on a long rant about how we are all family and that her and my sister believe that a family should share in each other's success. She tole me that my sister was just upset because I was "hoarding" all of my money for myself and that it's understandable what she did. She said that I would never gotten where I am today without all the work she put into raising me and the influence her and my sister had on my life. Then she went on to tell me that I "owe" it to her to evenly share my success with her and my sister since we are family and they would certainly do the same in my position(that's a laugh) At this point I'm pretty dumbfounded. Not only because she thinks my sister's actions were somehow justified, but because she credits herself for my success and thinks it's selfish of me not to share with her and my sister. And don't even get me started on her trying to act like her and my sister would do the same. I know for a fact my sister wouldn't give me a dime if I were 10 cents shorts for a heart transplant. And my mom still owes me tens of thousands of dollars that she borrowed and swore she would pay back(I don't expect it back and wrote it off as soon as I gave it to her) I just can't even fathom how my mom could actually think like that. At that point I was so furious and didn't want to say anything I'd regret, so I got up and walked out. Oh yeah, I also got a text half an hour later saying that I owed her money for lunch since I was the one who invited her. Despite the fact that neither of us had even ordered before I left. As far as my sister goes, I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me. At this point I'm just done with her in my life. I don't know if I should do the same for my mother though. I would hate to not have a relationship with her, but I just can't believe how she could possibly think those things. Would love some advice on what to do as far as my relationship with my mother goes. Thanks. &#x200B; *tl;dr: Had lunch to talk with my mom about what happened. She claimed that my sister was justified in what she did because she was upset that I wasn't sharing my money with her. Told me that we are a family and should share in each other's success and that I am being selfish by not doing so. I got up and walked out* END OF TLDR. I thought that putting edit/update in front of the newly added parts would make it clear, but I keep letting angry complaints about how the TLDR is so long. &#x200B; **Edit:** Small update I thought I'd post. She called me but I didn't want to talk so I let it go to voicemail. She left a voice mail telling me to check my email. Here is her email: "First of all, it was very rude of you to walk out on me at the cafe. I was humiliated and you should know better than to treat your mother like that. As I said in the text, you owe me money for lunch since you were the one who invited me so please bring $60 to give to me at Craig's BBQ. It is a shame that I even need to be telling you this, I know I raised you better than that. But you really need to start supporting this family. We are all one, and the success of any individual needs to be spread around the family. Your sister works as a pastry chef and is always more than happy to bake for everyone and bring us treats from work, I wish you would do the same. You can start out by helping me with the new apartment I'm moving to. The rent is $4250 per month(not including utilities) I am planning on moving in around the first of September so that gives you plenty of time to set up some sort of monthly bank transfer. I'm going to need $8500 in about 2 weeks for the first and last months rent. I'll also need you to come over a few times this month to help move my stuff over there. Bring the bigger truck, unless that's the manual because Tod doesn't know how to drive stick. As a thanks for moving my things over there I will cover the security deposit myself so you don't even need to worry about it. And you still haven't apologized to (sisters name) so please get that done this week. It will take 5 minutes tops so just get it done. It was wrong to humiliate her like that and guess you had to be the one comforting her. Me! Like usual. Text me to confirm that you got everything and let me know how soon you can bring the big truck over. I should also mention that I currently pay for her rent. After some long guilt trip about how she gave me free food and housing for 18 years so it's time for me to repay the favor. I can clearly see now that that was a big mistake. Now she just assumes I'm going to pay her rent at some new huge place that costs twice as much and that she doesn't need? At this point I'm done giving her any support, she clearly as no appreciation for it. That's just a taste of how my mom acts. She is extremely entitled and just expects everything in life to be given to her. &#x200B; **Edit:** Another update. So I just sent my mom an email letting her know that I will not being giving her any more money.Here's the gist of it: "I will not be paying the rent for the new more expensive apartment you want to move in. Not only will I not be paying for that, but I won't be paying your rent for any apartment anymore. You will have to do that yourself. In addition to that, I will not be giving you any money whatsoever. You have shown that you have no respect for me or the work it takes to earn money and I cannot continue to pay for things you don't need. I know this means cutting back a bit, but there is no reason for you to be living outside your means and I won't subsidize your expensive lifestyle." I wrote it all out completely different, but that's the gist of what I told her. So just waiting for the freakout I'm sure is going to happen.   [**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3g6btr/update_i24m_caught_my_sister26f_trying_to_steal_a/) \- 8th August 2015 After going through all the comments(thanks for the advice!) I decided to send my mother an email letting her know that I will absolutely not be paying for the new place she made plans to move to, and that I will stop paying her rent all together. I told her that she clearly does not respect me or the work I put in in order for me to be in a position to give her the money that I do. I also told her that I would not be financially supporting her in any way. A few hours after I sent the email my phone starts blowing up. Calls over and over again. I still really didn't want to talk to her so I ignored them all. A little while later I get a call from my friend Dave, except when I answer the phone it's my mom. I found out later from Dave that she showed up at the bike shop he works at and made up some story about story about her locking her purse with her phone and keys in the car and needing to call me for a ride. She immediately goes off on me about how ungrateful I am and that she is disgusted by the email I sent etc. She told me that it's my "duty" to make sure she is well cared for and comfortable, as she is the reason I'm here in the first place. The worst part was when she told me that if she knew I was going to end up this way that she wouldn't have put her life on hold for the last 2 decades in order to have me, and that I cost her her job and my dad and a bunch her her life plans. I couldn't even get a word in with all her yelling. The last thing she said was something along the lines of "you need to have a come to jesus moment and realize how much you are hurting your mother. I have already packed up most of my stuff and have spent a ton of time setting this move up. I expect the $8500 before the weekend is over in a cashiers check so let me know when you have it." and then she hung up. I don't think I have even been so mad in my entire life. She pretty much just told me that I need to make up for everything she missed out on in order to have me by giving her money and making sure she's taken care of. I called her back and she tried to start talking and I don't remember exactly what I said because I was so angry but I basically told her to shut the fuck up and let me talk(but with more swearing and yelling) I'm usually pretty calm and would never swear at my mom(I would never even swear near her) and I know I shouldn't have said that but I wasn't thinking straight. I told her she better find another place to live or pay her rent herself because she wasn't getting another dime from me. I turned my phone off after that because I didn't want to deal with anymore calls or texts. I eventually needed to use my phone so I turned it back on and just blocked her number. I saw that I had some calls/messages from her but I didn't want to look at them. This morning I got a call from the front desk at my building telling me that my mom had tried get up to my room, but I had already told the elevator staff/security to take her off my guest list. Apparently she caused quite the fuss when they wouldn't let her up. She is blocked on my phone now so I haven't heard from her today yet, but I expect her to blow up on me again for what happened this morning. I think she's probably in denial and thinks that I will cave and pay for her new place. I'm worried about what she's going to do when the deadline for her to pay for her new place comes up and I refuse to give her any money. The move in date is pretty soon and I'm sure she has to pay it pretty soon, I'm actually surprised she hasn't had to pay already. So that's going to cause a massive shitstorm. I'm really really worried about what she's going to do. Thanks again for all the advice! &#x200B; *TLDR: Mom showed up at friends work and used his phone to call me because I wasn't answering her. Yells at me about not doing my duty and how I owe it her to take care of her because I basically ruined her life. Says I have to give her rent check by the end of the weekend. Tell her she isn't getting a dime from me and hang up She tries to get in my building but isn't allowed.*   [**UPDATE - 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/3g8k7y/worried_my_mom_might_try_to_use_my_personal_info/) \- 8th August 2015 r/personalfinance **Worried my mom might try to use my personal info for financial gain, what can I do to prevent this?** I very recently decided to cut my mother off completely. She had made plans to move into a new apartment, assuming that I would be paying for it. A little less than a year ago I decided to move to a bigger place after my lease ended. This was right around the time my mother was moving to SF. She really liked my old place and suggested that she should just move in. My landlord wanted to increase the rent after my lease was up, but she agreed to keep it the same if I prepaid for a year. The plan was for my mom to pay me rent monthly. Well that never ended up happening and now my mom just assumes that I will be paying her rent. She made plans to move into a nicer place and sent me an email saying that she needed a check for $8500 to cover the move in cost. Some things came up with week involving my sister and my mother and I've decided to completely cut her off. No rent money, and no money for anything else. She is furious of course and has really gone off the deep end. I'm worried that once she realizes that I'm not going to give in that she might try using my personal info in order to get a loan out or get money somehow. I have also been told that California has some sort of laws that might mean she can take me to court and force me to continue paying her rent. I was wondering if this is true and what would qualify her for this. *TLDR: Need advice on how to protect my credit/personal info from my mom. Ended up paying for my moms rent and am wondering if she can somehow force me to keep paying it.* Thanks in advance for the help! &#x200B; **OOP receives useful advice in the Comment (lock credit, inform landlord and hire lawyer to check for liability under any other laws etc.) -** Also- >Don't worry about California. Its ***filial piety laws*** are currently undermined by another section that says no relatives are to be forced to pay for an elders care by the state. > >Section 4400 is still on the books but it is currently being undermined by California Welfare and Institutions Code 12350.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10zujc4/i24m_caught_my_sister26f_trying_to_steal_a_watch/

10zujc4

My boyfriend got mad that I only spent $20 on him for a date

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by /significant_fruit645 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 12, '23, updated Feb 1st *Trigger Warning:* >!mention of drug use!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/109tuui/my_boyfriend_got_mad_that_i_only_spent_20_on_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My boyfriend got mad that I only spent $20 on him for a date I (24f) went on a date with my bf (24m) recently in celebration of our 1 year anniversary. Money has been running tight recently since my bf was fired from his job recently for showing up high. I knew he was really upset about the whole situation so I wanted to cheer him up, and I thought taking him out to dinner for our 1 year anniversary (which was coming up) was the perfect way to do so. I took my boyfriend to one of my favorite restaurants from my childhood. It wasn't a high end restaurant because I make like 1/3 of what he used to make but nevertheless he loved the interior design of the restaurant and the food. We were having a great time until the waitress came and told us our combined bill was going to be a little under $45 after tax and tip. My bf looked at me weirdly but I thought I imagined it so I ignored him and paid the bill. After the waitress left to get a box for our takeouts he turned to me and asked, "So that's how much you value our relationship after one whole year of being together?" I was confused and he said, "you only spent $40 dollars on our one year anniversary date." I asked "What's wrong with that? And plus the prices were printed on the menu." He said, "You were supposed to pay. Why would I have looked at the prices? And every time we went out I always spend hundreds of dollars on you." I didn't response because I didn't want to cause a scene and he raised his voice and said, "I see how it is. I'm only worth $20 dollars to you." Then he left the table and told me I can take an uber home. I feel really bad and I apologized many times but he's still mad at me (understandably) and things have been awkward. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Significant_Fruit645/comments/10rgl22/update_my_boyfriend_got_mad_that_i_only_spent_20/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) First of, I just want to thank everyone for the overwhelming amount of support and private messages. I have read all of them, and it warms my heart how caring internet strangers can be. I just ended my relationship with boyfriend. I'll try to keep this post as short as possible and try to refrain my emotions from seeping through. I can forgive him for showing up high at work and losing his job, everyone makes mistakes, but recently he's made it real clear that he won't be trying to find another job in the near future, so I know our relationship isn't going to be sustainable. Also I'm not a drug user myself but I've always been okay with him using it from time to time. But recently all he does is get himself high in front of the television and he's stopped taking care of himself and I'm really, really scared for him. I'm scared his body can't handle it. He's still icy with me, about our last date and probably because the drugs cloud his mind, and we haven't really had a real conversation since then. I decided to formally end things and I phoned his parents and told them about his condition and right now he's living with them and I hope they can help him better than I can. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/110b0rc/my_boyfriend_got_mad_that_i_only_spent_20_on_him/

110b0rc

My [34m] stepdaughter [19f] and I are very close. Her boyfriend [20m] doesn't like that. + UPDATE

CONCLUDED

My [34m] stepdaughter [19f] and I are very close. Her boyfriend [20m] doesn't like that. Trigger warning: jealousy [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yvsrxd/my_34m_stepdaughter_19f_are_very_close_her/) by u/ThrowRA10019 on r/relationship_advice (November 15, 2022) Alright so let's get the obvious out of the way: Yes, she calls me dad. I've been in her life since she was 11. Yes, the age difference is weird for a lot of people. My wife is 40 and she had a kid, sue me. Lastly, I am in no way attracted to my daughter. She's a pretty girl, but that's my kid. This is not a fetish post. Now we can begin. My daughter and I are very close. She'd never had a decent male figure in her life at the time I met her, and I knew that if I wanted to pursue a relationship with my now-wife that I should do everything I could to fill the role, so I did. I helped with homework, I played games with her, watched shows or YouTubers she was into, read her favorite books, etc., because I wanted to build a solid relationship with her. Turns out, if you treat things like they're important sometimes they go well. She and I spend a lot of time together, and our family doesn't really have big touch barriers so hugs, cheek kisses, sometimes she'll use me as a pillow etc. All of this is very common, and she does the same with my wife. "I love you" is said probably 50+ times a day in my house. We are affectionate, that's the picture I'm trying to paint here. Very recently, she started dating. Her boyfriend doesn't appreciate that we're comfortable with expressing our affection toward each other, even going so far as to ask me to tone it down when he's around (in private, my daughter doesn't know this yet). I want to respect my daughter's new relationship, because this is a new and exciting thing for her and I'm genuinely happy for her, but I also don't want to lose the connection I've spent so long building and I don't think I should be made to pretend it's less important to me just because she's dating someone that happens to be a little insecure. I can understand where the guy is coming from, but I don't think he really has a right to interject here. The dilemma is this: should I tone it down as requested, should I continue on as normal, or should I tell my daughter about the request and let her handle it however she sees fit? Honestly not sure what the right move is. TL;DR: My daughter and I (and my wife) are all very close and show it. Her new boyfriend asked me to tone down the level of physical affection I show her, despite it being totally normal for our family. Not sure how to react. Edit: couple of things. How the hell did I leave out "and I" in the title of the post? Ugh. I should make it clear that I do not initiate the majority of physical contact in my household. I initiate probably 20%-ish with my stepdaughter, maybe 40% with my wife. This particular thing happened after she asked me what I wanted from a restaurant I hadn't been to. I asked to see the menu and instead of throwing her literal brand new phone, she hopped in my lap and handed it to me, made suggestions etc. This is totally in line with how we act normally. Edit 2: A lot of people are getting stuck on the lap thing, so let me be perfectly clear here: I don't ever initiate this, it is always on her. If she's comfortable with it, I'm comfortable with her. Because of this, the second she stops being comfortable it'll never happen again. I am also aware this is outside what many people would consider to be the norm. If you fall into this category, I already hear you, and I do not care. That wasn't the point of the post (though it seems like we've gone a ways past that already lmao) and whether you think it's creepy or whatever else is irrelevant to us, the people who are participating. *Most of the commenters are advising OOP to talk to his stepdaughter about the problem so she can handle it with her boyfriend. They think the boyfriend sees OOP as an actual threat even though he and his stepdaughter only have a familial relationship.* [OOP mentions what the boyfriend said to him and agrees that it might stem from jealousy:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yvsrxd/comment/iwfzemr/) I don't remember the exact words, but it was basically "Hey, I get that you guys are close, but can you not be so close so often?" I don't know if he's jealous or something? I legitimately have no idea what the underlying issue is. [OOP clarifies what he means by physical affection with his stepdaughter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yvsrxd/comment/iwhnte2/) It's nothing that would be considered weird, at least I don't think so. My wife and daughter are both much smaller than I am (I'm roughly 6'5, maybe 245 lbs whereas they are both like 5'5 or shorter and maybe 110-130, I'm not sure exactly) and they both kind of treat me like a giant lol. They use me as a pillow when we're watching TV, it's not uncommon for either of them to sit on my lap and have a short chat with me, sometimes they'll jump on my back when we're messing around and play fighting, etc. Basically I'm a human climbing wall to them. This particular thing happened after she asked me what I wanted from a restaurant I hadn't been to. I asked to see the menu and instead of throwing her literal brand new phone, she hopped in my lap and handed it to me, made suggestions etc. This is totally in line with how we act normally. [When commenters ask what OOP looks like, he says this:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yvsrxd/comment/iwijdhs/) I would say that most people would probably rate me an 8 or 9 on a scale of 1-10. I am, admittedly, kind of a trophy husband. My wife made roughly 8x my income when I met her, and I have since quit to pursue my passion (blacksmithing). I met her just after she broke it off with her abusive ex and she was just looking for a fling. That fling turned into being friends with benefits, and eventually into a relationship (when I decided I was ready to be what she and her daughter both needed and she was on board with the idea). Don't get me wrong, we're very much in love, but I took it upon myself to become a good cook, I do most of the cleaning, etc. because she is often exhausted from long days at work, travel, etc. [OOP hopes that it's a teachable moment for the boyfriend and hope he grows out of it:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yvsrxd/comment/iwhl60c/) This is along my lines of thinking. I was an idiot at that age too, I'm hoping it was just terrible judgement and is a teachable interaction. [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yxyk81/update_my_34m_stepdaughter_19f_and_i_are_very/) (November 17, 2022) I had quite a few people ask for an update on the last post despite it getting slightly derailed lol, so here it is. I spoke with my daughter the next evening after she came home from work, her boyfriend was at the house at the time (he was over for dinner and had picked her up). I pulled her aside for a couple of minutes and let her know what happened. She was surprised, because she's already had this talk with her boyfriend. She said she'd handle it and left. A little while later, I called them in for dinner. After she finished eating, she confronted him. I'm paraphrasing because she told a story, but this is basically what she said: "So my dad told me what you said, and I wanted to wait until after dinner to bring it up. I didn't have a good childhood. My biological father treated my mom horribly, and after she left him he never contacted me again. Her next big relationship was worse. It seemed fine on the outside, but there was a lot of emotional abuse and controlling behavior, I was caught up in it too. Then this guy came along. I was obviously skeptical at first, he looked like trouble to me. He was making my mom happy, but I was an icy bitch to him because bad men were all I'd ever known. He asked me questions for over a year trying to get to know me and I shut him out. One day when I was reading, he asked what book it was. I didn't even answer him, I just lifted it up so he could see the cover. It was Island of Shipwrecks in the Unwanteds series. He said "that looks pretty cool, what's it about?" and for the millionth time I didn't answer. Maybe two weeks later, he asked me if I was finished with the book. I said "Yeah, why?" And he said "Well I read the other 5, I thought you might let me borrow it so I can catch up and we can talk about it." I thought he was lying through his teeth, so I asked him questions about plot points and characters. Not a single wrong answer. I went to my room and got the book for him. It's kind of a dumb story, but you have to understand something: my dad is the first man who was ever nice to me and I gave him plenty of reasons not to be. He was patient and thoughtful and never pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I will always be grateful for that. Bottom line is that I love my dad, and the only people who have a say in our relationship is us. If you feel threatened because we're close, that's not going away. Ever. I like you. I have fun with you. But if you think I'll change my relationship with my dad for you, then you've made a mistake. If you're too insecure to handle the fact that I'm close to MY DAD, this isn't going to work out. If you can handle it, I would love to have you around. Otherwise..." He kind of interrupted her here and said "It's not just because you're close, I get that he's been good to you and your mom and that's great, but have you seen the guy?" (*Referring to OOP describing himself as 8 or 9 out 10 on the attractiveness scale.*) "Yes? What about it?" "It just makes it really weird for me, I don't know how to explain it other than that. You're way closer to your dad than anyone I've ever met and it's a little creepy when you take into account he looks like he could be a 'what are you doing stepdaughter' guy." "Look there's apparently 2 people at this table (for context, it was the two of them, my wife, and myself at the table) who think my dad is fuckable and it's really weird that you're one of them. Choosing time is over, the door is that way. Do not call or text me anymore." So that's pretty much how it went down. After he left, she cried for a few hours in her room. When she finally came out it was around midnight or so, and she sat next to me on the couch. I asked her if she was worried this would be a constant problem, and if she wasn't comfortable with how things are I can understand and respect that. She hugged me very tightly and just replied "don't be dumb." So I guess everything is alright. I also thought it was kind of funny (disrespectful, but funny) that she had this big story planned out (I got some RomCom vibes from it personally, but it was her first boyfriend so she has no experience having big talks) and the guy just completely disregarded it. Obviously empathy and understanding are not his strong points. I feel bad for my daughter because it was her first relationship, but I definitely think she dodged a bullet. TL;DR: She broke up with him. [OOP mentions he paraphrased a lot of the conversation:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yxyk81/comment/iwsnrp8/) A lot of it is paraphrased. There was a little more back and forth because he interrupted a few times, but she kept telling him to let her finish talking. The line she ended on is a direct quote, though. [OOP is very proud of how his stepdaughter handled the situation.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yxyk81/comment/iwra54n/) [OOP only disagrees with his stepdaughter on one pertinent point:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yxyk81/comment/iwrpnoh/) 10/10 will bring it up for the rest of my life. My wife almost burst out laughing as the kid was walking away from the table. She was wrong though, there were 3. I think I'm extremely fuckable too. [NEWER UPDATE that OOP made once this post was made: ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/110v04e/comment/j8cj2p3/) (February 13, 2023) Oh wow, I completely forgot about this until I got tagged here. Guess I can clarify some things and give a short update. Stuff to clarify: Obviously, a lot of the dialogue isn't exact. I did the best I could with what I remembered, but it's a little hard to be 100% accurate. I tried to convey the overall sentiment more than the exact words. As far as the physical affection that goes around, I don't particularly care if people found it weird. I am comfortable with my family acting how they're most comfortable, that's all there really is to it. I'm also not sure why it's weird that I'm tall, attractive, or have a physical passion. I never claimed to be average, but somehow the fact that I very clearly stated that I'm 100% a trophy husband is totally unbelievable. I'm not incredibly smart and not particularly funny, so all I have going for me is that I'm hot. Sue me. Update: My stepdaughter and her boyfriend have since gotten back together, and the physical nature of her showing affection has slowed considerably. She no longer sits in my lap, but she will still lean on me occasionally when we're watching shows, etc. I suppose she has determined new boundaries, which I am more than happy to accept, particularly because I am never on the initiating side anyhow. I only ever wanted her to be comfortable with me, and however she chooses to express that is fine by me. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy and I kind of hope he sticks around. He seems to treat her with respect and kindness, which is all I can really ask for. So many people are skeptical of me in general, but I suppose I get it. It's not often that people make legitimate efforts to improve themselves, the way they treat people, or how they are viewed by others, so when people like that present themselves I can understand being cynical or even mean. Plus, it's reddit, it could just all be made up. In the end, I don't care if you believe or not, it's irrelevant to me. Despite the sarcasm in the title, it's pretty accurate. In a 6'5" blacksmith (though I don't claim to be great at it) who happens to be a kick ass dad, an amazing partner, and my family uses me as a pillow. I'm not perfect, but I definitely give it my best effort.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/110t8xp/my_34m_stepdaughter_19f_and_i_are_very_close_her/

110t8xp

OOP's fiancee got a face tattoo, without telling him or her family. All while she works a public-facing job at a finance company.

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Dapper_Lemon_7495 in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!Mention of mental illness!< mood spoilers: >!Concerning, fate of OOP's ex-fiance is unknown!< --- &nbsp; [**My fiancee got a face tattoo without talking to anyone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ymcaa1/my_fiancee_got_a_face_tattoo_without_talking_to) - november 4th, 2022 &nbsp; I... am honestly stunned right now. My fiancee "Kim" I have just learned is completely insane. She took some days off work this week "Sick" and avoided seeing most people in person. She claimed she was feeling sick and just wanted to stay home alone. She has never given me any indication that she would lie about this in the 6 years we've been together. No one in her family had any worries because she was a stable individual who would never do anything crazy. She got a face tattoo. She took 3 sick days from work to recover from the fact that she got a face tattoo. She told no one of this plan beforehand. I have never in our time together been talked to about tattoos by Kim. She showed no indication that she was even interested in getting any. I was not even the first to learn. Her sister visited her because she got worried after Kim canceled meeting with her for lunch on her 3rd day "Sick" and got the grand reveal. She didn't tell anyone beforehand because she "Didn't want to be talked out of it" and hit the results because the swelling and redness were so bad that we would "react badly and not be able to understand the artistic meaning." Kim is Asian American. She got Japanese symbols going down her forehead and under her eye. I don't know the meaning of them. I don't really know if I care to know the meaning of them. Kim's parents are Japanese immigrants. According to her sister, who was nice enough to inform me of this whole debacle, this is a big no-no in Japanese culture. Tattoos have links to crime and are looked down upon. Her parents are beside themselves and that is a whole other set of drama I can't even begin to approach. Kim talked to me last night about it, and acted offended and started a fight because I told her it was absolutely insane of her to do this. She works a public-facing job. She talks face-to-face with clients in the financial industry. The minute her boss finds out, the career that she went to school for will be over. She actually didn't consider her job, or family, or me at all and decided "a long time ago" she was going to express herself freely without any concerns. I'm worried about her right now. This is not normal. She blocked my number after our fight and is ghosting me and her sister because we're trying to help. But, dear lord, this is far beyond me. I cannot comprehend what I'm even supposed to do right now. Kim's lost her mind. Is there any chance I will be happy married to.... this? A woman who went and got a face tattoo, and hid that fact because she knew we would all talk her out of it> Dear lord I really need to run don't I? &nbsp; **Update**- Made in the original post - november 5th, 2022 Wow, uh, this got some attention huh? I read through the replies, but I can't really respond to all of you so I'll just update here. The engagement is pretty much off. Kim has told me she never wants to see me again and I woke up this morning with her ring and a box of stuff I gave her on my porch. I don't know what's going on with her. Her sister and family have been trying their best, but nothing on their end is working. I brought up to her sister the idea this is a mental breakdown and they are looking into getting her help. It's painfully slow, considering Kim is not responding to anything and is refusing to talk to anyone. I really don't know what to say here, I guess? To answer some questions, Kim is 29, and I'm 28. In the 7 years, I've known her, she has never acted like this at all. She had a good relationship with her parents and while they were a bit overbearing at times, they supported her in going to college and getting a career rather than starting a family. From what I've gathered, they probably would have been fine with any tattoo she got as long as it was not on her face, neck, or hands. Even then, this kind of behavior is as far from Kim as I could have imagined. She just, lost her mind out of nowhere? It's not like I can do anything about it either. She's blocked my number and does not want to see me. I'm just at a loss for words. One day I'm engaged, and the net I'm not and my Ex has a face tattoo... &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Wolfmanscurse

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/110xwvi/oops_fiancee_got_a_face_tattoo_without_telling/

110xwvi

(NEW UPDATE) OP's best friend is dating OP's high school bully

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Hot_Bookkeeper8596 **in** r/relationship_advice A fun fact to prevent spoilers: Surat, India is where the British first landed in India. Its nicknames include: the Diamond City, as nearly 90% of the world's diamonds supply are cut and polished there; the Silk City, for its strong textile industry; and the Green City, because it was the first Indian city to receive LEED Platinum certification for cities. &#x200B; Editor's Notes: Names added for readability - M is now Mitch and P is Priscilla. Estimated Read Time: \~10 minutes Trigger Warnings: >!bullying, physical abuse, mental abuse, infidelity, abandonment!< Mood Spoilers: >!happy!< [**My (M21) best friend P (F22) is dating my high school bully and I'm cutting her out of my life.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rek295/comment/hob2rb4/) \- 12 December 2021 Just as the title said. I (M21) have a girl (Let's call her "Priscilla" F22) I considered to be my best friend for the last three years. Priscilla has seen me go through a lot. Especially after my family disowned me for not forgiving my cousin for hooking up with my then-girlfriend four years ago. Priscilla was the one to help me through all that and I genuinely thought she was someone who would never hurt me. But here I am. Last night she was hanging around my apartment and we were drinking. She is not good with it, so she got loose and admitted to being in a relationship with my high school bully. All of us were in the same class so she knows the kind of things Mitch (M22, I think) has done to me. Especially after my family disowned me, he got even meaner as my cousin was a part of his group. He and his gang of lackeys always physically and mentally abused me. I filed a complaint with the school, but we all know how "helpful" they are in these cases. Moreover, since I did not have my parents by my side, nothing was done to them and my life was made even \[more\] hellish. Priscilla was the only one who kept me together as I started living with her parents after I was disowned. So she knows first hand what kind of torment Mitch put me through. Back to the topic... I don't think she immediately realised what she had admitted to and went to sleep in my spare bedroom. I was too shocked to sleep so I went to stay with a college friend. Priscilla must have realised what she confessed to last night and has since been bombarding my phone with calls and texts. My friend took my phone away and I am using his phone to type this post (apologies for any mistakes). I am honestly thinking of cutting her out \[of my life\] at this point. Priscilla means a lot to me but I just can't be around her anymore. But I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable here... Can someone help me? Edit: Well, I don't know how to update posts in this sub so I'll just tell you some information here. I have decided to meet her tomorrow to hear her side of the story. I need to do at least that much. Also, I'll answer your questions tomorrow as well. Thank you for everything. I never knew there would be so many people out there who will help me so much.   [**Update: My best friend P (F22) started dating my (M22) high school bully. The fallout.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rk1bip/comment/hp7j6uz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 19 December 2021 Let me start with apologies and thank you to everyone who helped me with my last post. But to those who couldn't, you can view the story through my post history (I think). Also, this post is going to be a long one, so apologies in advance. Either way, I went to talk with Priscilla the next day to get to know her side as most of you wonderful people suggested \[to\] me. But on someone's advice, I did not go alone. I had a couple of my college friends with me. I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling back when I entered the cafe we were supposed to meet in. But when I saw her it felt as if she had been crying for the entire night. As Priscilla saw me walking towards her, she got up to hug me (we usually greet each other like that) but I gently pushed her away. I could see she was hurt but so was I. My buddies took seats over at the next table, and Priscilla and I got to talking. She could barely form any sentences as she kept apologising. I told her to stop crying as gently as I could and she finally started telling her side of the story to me. Well... They had not been dating for three months, but for a year. Yup. For a year she had been lying to me. And then came the line which most of you said she would. **Priscilla:** He has changed a lot. You should meet him- **Me:** Really? You're going to say that to me after all he has done? I still have scars from what he did to me, you know this don't you? Why were you talking to him in the first place? **Priscilla:** He wanted to apologize to you for all he did but didn't have the courage to. From then on the conversation went in circles. He wanted to apologize, the two of them got to talking and all. But she did not have the answer for my one question, why him? At this point, someone walked over to us and sat beside her. Any guesses who it was? Yup. It was my bully (let's call him Mitch). I don't clearly remember what happened afterwards, but there was a lot of yelling and then Mitch snapped and tried to punch me for 'making his girl cry'. Priscilla was watching it all. I wasn't in the right mind so the punch hit me. My friends rushed over but before they could do anything I knocked Mitch down. (Back in high school I used to be small and weak. But in the last couple of years I have grown a lot, both in height and weight.) Thankfully my friends stopped me before I did something that would have made me regret it later on. Priscilla was crying all the while but not once did she try to check on me. At that moment I knew our friendship was over. I looked at her for one last time and told her, "Too much for a change, don't you think?" After that, my friends and I walked out of the cafe. It was then all the rush and anger I had, disappeared and I started bawling like I was back in high school. Not proud of it, but my friends helped me immensely. The days following the meet were tiring as I was busy moving in with my friends. The apartment I was living in belonged to Priscilla's parents so I didn't think it was right for me to continue living there. However, before leaving I called them and told them about the fight and stuff and that I was moving out. They were surprised and reassured me that their daughter will not cause me any issues. But I declined. I was living there while paying minimum rent to them and I did not think it would be a good idea for me to live somewhere Priscilla could find me. I thanked them for all they had done for me over the last few years and reassured them our relationship was still the same. I could feel it was tough for all of us, but this farewell was necessary. So here I am, living with my college friends who also celebrated my birthday last night. It was an awesome party and completely unexpected too. After all, in all this mess I forgot about my birthday for the first time in life. On my birthday, Priscilla tried to call and text me. But I didn't reply to or see her texts. So that's all, I think... I'm still sad about losing my best friend, but I know this is the best for both of us. On a positive note though, I was informed that I have been selected for a student exchange program so if the pandemic allows it, I'll be moving to Singapore in a couple of months. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment and I'll try to answer them to the best of my ability. And lastly, thank you for all the love and support you people gave me. Love ya'll and take care! (Still using my phone so sorry for any typos).   [**Update!**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Hot_Bookkeeper8596/comments/10ql14a/update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 31 January 2023 Well, it's been a year and I finally remembered the password to this account, haha. I've been doing good in life, got a job and loving family now. Also, I ended up moving to India instead of Singapore (I'll give the reasons below). Now for the update as so many people asked for it: After our little "get-together", I cut off all communications with Priscilla, but \[the\] surprises weren't over yet. After a week of silence, police showed up at my friend's apartment where I was staying. They were there to arrest me for "assaulting" Mitch. I had never been so scared in my life before, but my friend and his parents assured me it'll be alright as I hadn't done anything wrong. We went to the police station where the officers wanted to hear my side of the story as Mitch apparently had a witness by his side who reported me (I guess we all know who it was). Thankfully, I had witnesses of my own (my friends) who verified my story. Had it not been for them, I'd probably be in a prison cell or something. Once everything was resolved, my friend's step-dad (he's a lawyer) wanted me to sue Mitch and Priscilla for harassment and for the shiz they pulled at the station. Even though I wanted to, I didn't for the sake of Priscilla's parents and the love and support they showed me. Unfortunately, it meant I couldn't sue Mitch either as both Mitch and Priscilla were involved in the matter together. But that incident was enough to make me burn bridges with them. Priscilla did call and leave letters for me, but I didn't bother reading them and burned them out of existence. Sadly, because of all this drama, the opportunity I had to study in Singapore was given to someone else. I was a bit bummed out as it was the one thing I could look forward to but what can I do? It is what it is. Unfortunately, it seemed the news of my "arrest: reached my family and my mother, against my father's wishes, came to visit me. (I still don't know how she managed to find me, but I think she hired a PI or something.) I didn't want to meet her after what the so-called family had done to me, but my friend's mom persuaded me otherwise. So we had a chat, and well... let's just say it \[explained\] why everyone in my family hated me. I'm \[the product of an\] affair. It never occurred to me that it could be the case. But now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. My father (well, I dunno what I should call my mom's husband) is Caucasian while my mother is from India. So I always thought my skin, hair and everything was from my mom's side. Turns out, it's because my mom had a fling with her ex while she was in India for a year that resulted in her having me. At first I didn't want to believe it, but the DNA results she showed me didn't lie. She gave me my bio dad's details in case I wanted to talk to him and apologised for not being the mother I deserved to have, then kissed my forehead and left. She isn't going to leave her husband and I'm okay with it. It's not like we'll have a relationship anytime soon. I still hate her, and it'll take a lot of time to let go off the hatred I have for her and my ex-family. That said, I wasn't so sure if I should contact my bio dad or not. But it seemed while I was thinking about the decision, my mom informed my bio dad about me because a couple days later he called me. Long story short, we called and FaceTimed a lot for 3-4 months, and he and his wife and my half-sister flew in to visit me at least once a month for the rest of the year. I \[then\] decided to live with them in India and I couldn't be any happier. Currently we live in Surat, in the state of Gujarat and life's been blissful. My family loves me and I even have a girlfriend now. I'm still adapting to the new culture, and to be honest I kinda miss my friends, Priscilla included. But after all the drama I've been through, it's better to let go of the past and focus on making a better tomorrow. So that's it, I hope this'll be the last thing I'll post here. Thanks for all the advice and help you lovely people have shown me, hopefully, some day I'll be able to return the favour! Bye for now! (I'm writing on mobile, so there'll be quite a few mistakes here. Try to ignore them 😅)   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/111243t/new_update_ops_best_friend_is_dating_ops_high/

111243t

OOP discovers his wife was having an affair after she died

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted] Trigger warning: >!death, infidelity and mention of suicide!< [My wife was killed in a tragic accident, then I found out she was cheating ](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/fn9bre/my_wife_was_killed_in_a_tragic_accident_then_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  March 22, 2020 Two months ago my wife of 10 years (I'm 35 she was 34) tragically passed away in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver in broad daylight. I cried non stop for three days, we were planning on having kids and I had started a good paying job a year earlier and we just purchased our first home just two months before her death. I just couldn't and still can't believe she is really gone from my life, it's like just yesterday everything was heading in the right direction and would soon raise a family. She seemed happy in our marriage and stated how proud of me she was... The following week after the accident I recieved her phone, which was locked. After a week I found out how to unlock it by an obvious code I didnt think of earlier. I simply just wanted it to keep photos in her memory, photos of us and so forth. But I saw some odd things in her photos. Included photos of her in someone else's house, a house which I had never seen before, taking provocative images. I continued scrolling down and seen the most heart wrenching thing I ever seen. Which was her with another man, it was nothing sexual but they were in a place that was obviously his. And just how close they were I just knew that this was an affair. The guy who my wife had an affair with, showed up at her funeral. I felt like I got stabbed in the gut when I realized I seen him there. I began reading her texts and first I found out that she was on her way back, from his place. 3 hours before the accident she text him saying "I'm on my way" I Knew that meant he was the last one to see my wife. Not only see her but having an intimate moment with her, also she would still be here right now if she wasn't seeing him. I feel like I'm going through a death of a loved one and a break up at the same time. She did this behind my back and will never know that I found out. In a way i feel she got to escape the heartbreak she put me through, although I fully understand death is much worse and even knowing everything I know, I would never ever wish this or any pain upon her. I found out not only through her texts but her Facebook messages. Something that absolutely enrages me is that she told her closest friend that this guy from work wanted to take her out to dinner, her friend encouraged her to go out with him! It enrages me cause I knew her as well and in person she was always very nice. But my wife was asking her to get confirmation, had she said "NO you are married do not go out with him!" I honestly feel like she wouldn't have done it. But her best friend was like "oh is he hot? Oh do it!! Go have fun" its just fucking enraging. This happened 6 months ago when she asked her friend about it, a few days later she talked to her friend about how after dinner she went to his place and had sex multiple times. When I read that I honestly got physically sick. I honestly started going through a breakdown, vomiting in the toilet then crying on the bathroom floor. I just cant imagine that this stuff actually happened, but it did. How could she do this?? But as the days passed and the initial shock began to slowdown, I started piecing things together. The funeral i noticed something a little unusual, which was this best friend of hers, talking to one of her coworkers. This was a friend from high school and there was no reason she should have known any of her coworkers. But she was infact talking to her coworker who she had the affair with. Then she came and talked to me, gave me a hug. The guy who my wife was having an affair with, came and shook my hand. Something about that just makes me feel sick. Like I was being humiliated in a moment of grief, there was him and her best friend who knew about her affair. I couldn't help but wonder, did her coworkers also know? It's been a month and I feel no closer to breaking away from the heartbreak. I miss her, I want her to be alive, if she was I would probably even want to fix our marriage. But shes not here anymore. I still couldn't bring myself to read all of her texts messages with him, there is hundreds and some are sexually explicit. My blood boils and my heart aches when I open their texts and I get hit with anxiety and an adrenaline rush, palms get sweaty and hands shake. But I feel its important I knew everything. It just breaks my heart this guy did things with my wife, she would'nt do for me. The thing that blows my mind the most is that there were no warning signs at all, not fucking one. Our marriage was good, she never did anything suspicious, our sex life went on as normal. Just zero warning signs about it other then the fact she started wearing a little more makeup then usual. Then I blame myself for not catching on, maybe this all could have been prevented, maybe I should have done this or that... I am broken and don't see myself ever being happy again. Edit: Thanks everyone for all the support, I honestly didn't expect so much response. Every one who wished me well thank you and know that your kind words give me strength. I have got a response back from her friend, stating that she is deeply sorry for encouraging the behavior and not taking my feelings into account. She never wanted me hurt and yadda yadda... honestly I dont feel any relief from her apologies. About the phone, I can not bring myself to destroy all the truth. I feel like I must read through the entirety of my wife's texts with this man or i will forever go crazy wondering what did and didn't occur, how often and maybe get some answers on if they were lovers, was it just lust/sex or what did she plan on doing. Obviously in this state of truma I can not emotionally handle reading their conversations but I decided to keep the phone, to read it all and then toss it and move on. Also for people telling me to piss on her grave, or saying this is karma please drop it and dont comment. I loved her for over a decade and it's not going away like that, I still love this women even with the disgusting things she has done, she was still my wife, a daughter and an aunt. She didn't deserve to get hit by some drunk driver and suffer with bleeding her brain that ultimately caused her death. Please go away I do not need this and I am not a sick minded enough man to have those thoughts. For everyone else, thank you so much. RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP >Sorry to hear that. It is the worst thing that could happen, grieving over her while dealing with her infidelity at the same time. I'm emotionally scarred, I will never be the same and dealing with the loss of a loved one doesn't go away because she cheated, it just makes it much worse. Decorum1 commented >Is her affair partner married? >When are you going to tell the friend that you found out, and that you know she encouraged her to do it? OOP replied >No he isnt married, appears that he was and is still single. >I already told her, she first told me she was very sorry to hear that she did that, but that I shouldn't "tarnish her reputation" by telling people. I said I am only telling you because I know you encouraged her and she hasn't replied... but it's only been a day, I'm not sure anyone would know how to respond... [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/fp44pc/update_on_finding_out_my_wife_killed_in_a_car/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 26, 2020 Hello all, I love everyone in this sub you guys have shown me so much support regarding what I been dealing with. I cant say anything has gotten better, especially during this epidemic where I'm stuck not working now. Just too much time. Anyway, people mentioned getting in touch with my wife's companies HR about her coworker whom she was having an affair with(he is single). I have done this and I asked about it and they said there was no policy against coworkers getting romantically involved as long as it is off work. I kind of figured this was the case, as much as I want to get him fired and ruin his life, it was infact consensual and their affair was off the clock so, I understand that there is nothing they can do, I didn't think there was. I sent a screenshot of the message of her friend encouraging her to her boyfriend on Facebook. He replied that he is sorry for what happened to me, but that she didn't think she would actually do it, that I shouldn't blame his GF for my wife's affair or death. So I guess it's dead end there as I am talking to a door nob who believes what ever his GF says. I got a ton of suggestions about posting her texts and messages to publicize what she did. I am NOT going to do this and I really dont understand the point of doing it, she is gone and has no consequences left to suffer, no justice will be served. She is gone, I will only be making this more difficult for her family. Besides it's not really anyone else's business, even if she was alive. So I decided to go through all her texts with him and her other friends. I was going to wait longer before looking but I just couldn't sleep, I couldnt seem to move on from wondering, how, where, why and not having any answers. Her entire conversation with him was still there from their first and last texts. Little bit of good news is she expressed guilt (although not right away) about the affair and after meeting him the second time for sex she expressed guilt and she told him that she can't continue seeing him. But of course it would continue. Their conversations would range from her being very close to him, sending heart filled messages to next thing totally ignoring him. But she would sometimes apologize for ignoring him, which obviously angered me. Bad news is she appears to have been much more sexually exploratory with him. She also smoked weed with him which I never seen her do. I found he had anal sex with her, more then once. Yet its something she never let me do. She also had him sleep in our bed on the night i went to visit my brother. Also she gave him head while he drove to get lunch on their lunch break, she talked about it like it was funny. This isn't something I was ready for, I began shaking and puking, it gave me a severe anxiety attack and I resorted to drinking last night, cause it was just too much. I feel like he took her from me, like he killed her because she would be alive if she didn't go to his place. I been obsessed with the dates on their messages which they would meet. I'd go back to my social media and camera album to see what day that was. I was heartbroken when I seen they met on our anniversary where i took her to dinner to the first place we went on a date. I remembered that day as a very goodnight with her, very romantic and we were both so happy and close. I felt like got hit in the gut knowing she had sex with another man just hours before our date. Makes me sick and I dont see how I can get over this. My mind is still numb after what I read last night, I just cant believe that shit actually happened. I honestly wish I never discovered this, I'd much rather have left her phone alone. I'd rather have remembered something I never knew, a lie compared to how i feel now. But now that I know, I need to let go of all the love I have for her. I'm mourning her death and I miss her so much but it's time I need to realize she isnt who I thought she was. I have read everything there is to know and at least i dont think i can hurt anymore then I'm hurting now. Here is to hopefully healing... I have a talk with a psychologist in about a month, but if I feel any worse I will go to the hospital because I am close to feeling suicidal. But I know it's an illogical feeling, I must go on. Relevant comments from OOP >I dont think you understand, I never discovered the fact she cheated on me during her funeral, let alone knowing it was him. I am extremely angry but I am more hurt than angry, I feel I dont have the strength or energy to be angry, the whole thing has drained me to exhaustion and depression >It's pretty much how I been feeling especially upon finding out, physically sick, that nausea feeling in my stomach and feeling of fear/hurt in my chest. I dont feel any better yet but I don't know I'm beginning to feel more numb to it. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11197th/oop_discovers_his_wife_was_having_an_affair_after/

11197th

OOP tells his wife it is for the best if her son stays away from their family

CONCLUDED

I am NOT THE OOP. That is u/SpawnOfWife \- do not harass him Mood Spoiler: >!Happy for the stepson, sad for OOP's wife!< [***1st Post: AITA for telling my wife that it's for the best if her son stays away from our family***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_its_for_the_best_if/) ***- April 25th, 2022*** I (40) married my wife Jenna (42) eight years ago and we have been together for ten years. We have two great kids together. When she was 19, Jenna had a son Randy (23) whose dad was a deadbeat. Jenna didn't make much so Randy didn't have the best childhood, but she tried so hard for him but he was so resentful and didn't care. He hated me when we started dating, was passive aggressive, refused to take a role at our wedding, and when we had our daughter Alexis (now 7) he got spiteful. We tried all kinds of therapy but he refused to accept there wasn't a problem. When he turned 19, he cursed out his mom after an argument and enough was enough. We evicted him and ended financial support so he'd understand how much his mom tried. By all accounts, he's doing well - he graduated, got a degree and has a high paying software job. We stayed in contact with him, we text him but he barely responds. He only sees Jenna for about an hour every few months. She's always sad after seeing him and I have to cheer her up, which isn't an issue, but I don't like seeing her sad. We had a big family dinner a week ago and she invited him weeks in advance to give him time. He never came. She found out from instagram two days after that Randy blew off the dinner because he took his girlfriend to visit his father's family in Australia and proposed cause it turns out she's pregnant. She's been very sad this entire week because of it and I tried everything to cheer her up but it's not working. She doesn't even seem to be happy around Alexis or even our baby and I'm worried because she's never been this depressed before. I tried to talk to her about it and she was just non responsive and nothing I was doing made her happy. So I pointed out to her that Randy clearly doesn't care for our family and it is for the best if he stays away. She got very angry with me and called me an asshole for not trying to understand how she felt and just trying to make her feel better. I want to be clear, everything about Randy is just in there to give clarification regarding why what I said may be the issue between my wife and I. This is not about Randy except for how he relates to the conflict between my wife and I. That said, I don't see what I did wrong in saying that given how hurt she was but she's still angry at me and maybe she's right and I am the asshole for saying that so I guess I'm here to learn that. Edit: My username is not in reference to Randy. My wife refers to our baby as her spawn, it's a weird term of endearment. I originally made this account to post about our baby but made this post cause it was a fresh account. I probably will not be doing that now. Comments: * OOP justifies what he said to his wife [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/comment/i65mcmv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "I did not kick out Randy. That was not a decision that I singularly could have made. We both made it together for the sake of our daughter. And at this point, what else am I supposed to say? He flaked on a family dinner that meant so much to his mother. She wanted him there so badly. And then she has to find out he got his girlfriend pregnant and is going to marry her from Instagram? He couldn't even be bothered to tell her? What else was I supposed to say?" * OOP on his stepson's maturity [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/comment/i65nfxl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "Exactly this. Look, would I rather he be in our lives if he could be a good, productive part of it, and appreciative of everything his mom sacrificed for him? Yes, of course! But if he's going to leave her to find out about all these developments in his life from Instagram? Then he's just going to keep hurting her. And yes, he's a young man, I know his brain's not even fully developed, so maybe there's time for him to make things up with his mother." * OOP on all they offered his stepson [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/comment/i65s5n9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): " We offered a down payment on where he could live, we offered to pay for groceries, we offered to still drive him to university and more. He refused everything." * OOP describes the argument that made him kick out his stepson [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/comment/i68jmum/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "The argument was a simple matter. He wanted to take six courses a semester, not including labs or tutorials into that count. His mother pointed out that would wreak his mental health and said she wouldn't pay the tuition for more than four courses a semester. I was perfectly willing to pay for a fifth and even told him that but agreed that six was too many. He went off on his mother, calling her a bitch, and a whore and a slut, every vile name in the book, he implied she was an actual prostitute, called her diseased and things like that. I didn't want to talk about the things that he'd said because I don't like thinking about them. He hasn't apologized for what he's said either. His mother was looking out for his mental health and he took that as an opportunity to degrade her." * OOP accepts that he is the asshole [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ubq1as/comment/i68ke7e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "Thank you, I feel like you also understand where I was coming from with this. It may sound weird and I accept the overall judgement that I was an asshole for what I said, but I never wanted anything bad for him. Evicting him was the last option we had. I hope my wife can have a good relationship with him, but if it's one that hurts her too much, then it may not be worth having." **Verdict: YTA** [***2nd Post: My update***](https://www.reddit.com/user/SpawnOfWife/comments/1052vsq/my_update/) ***- Jan 6th, 2023*** I considered posting this on AITA but I'd rather go low key for the few people who have messaged me since I first posted. When Randy came back from Australia (Jenna learned by an Instagram post), my wife called and begged him to come over when he could and he came about two weeks after. He was clearly uncomfortable when Alexis came to say hi with our baby so I took them to my cousin's before returning. When I came back, it was clear Randy had been crying given that he was drinking like a pitcher of water. After that, he gave Jenna an old photo he had in his wallet of her and him when he was like five of her holding him in the bed while he slept and said he didn't need it anymore, gave her a hug and left the house. I talked to him outside his car before he left and I apologized for being a tyrant and a lot of the things people on my last post said that I did. He just told me that he appreciates the apology and if I ever did care about him, to keep myself and my kids out of his life. It hurt to hear him say that he doesn't care for them and doesn't see them as his siblings and doesn't ever want to see them again. I told him I'd respect his wishes and would try to make sure his mom did too, he shook my hand and left. After he left, Jenna told me that when I was gone he asked what we wanted and assumed she was calling asking him for money and didn't know it was about him getting married and his fiancee's pregnancy. He started crying because she apologized for how everything went down between them and for evicting him and admitted that it was wrong of us. When Jenna asked if he hates her he told her that cause she's his mom he'll always love her and if she wants, he'll keep seeing her at little as he does until he moves to Australia and she will be invited to his wedding, but only as a guest, and that she would never meet his child or be grandma since that was a role that was going to his dad's wife and he felt uncomfortable with how small the age gap between our baby and his will be. He told her that if she really loved him as much as she said, she'd be happy with that and happy for him. After that day, it was hard for Jenna and she did take it out on our kids and especially on me. But she did get better and things got back into routine and we became that happy family we were again. Randy's wedding was about five months ago, before his wife started showing, and my wife went, I of course was not invited. She came back crying because she was pretty much isolated there, didn't talk to anybody except Randy and some of her former in-laws. She hated how much he honoured his father's family during his reception speech to the point where he even called his stepmom his true mom and his dad's kids for being the brother and sister that he always wanted. But I guess it's how he really feels. A little bit ago, Randy and his wife had their baby and he's a beautiful boy. He's actually the most chubby, roll filled baby I've ever seen. The post they put on IG again really hurt Jenna since it was praising his wife and all about how he knows she would be the greatest mother in the world and never let what happened to him happen to their son. And she hasn't seen him in person. She cried more than she ever has when she saw that post. I've honestly never seen her that distraught and I couldn't leave her side because I really was afraid she'd kill herself or something. I know she wants nothing more than to be there for Randy and help with his baby but it since then it has kind of been like our kids, especially our baby, don't even exist. Now Randy kept his promise to keep seeing my wife and he met her out for coffee about once or twice a month. She'd always be glowing after their meetings and would tell me all about his life and how happy he was. I'm guessing she thought that they would lead to something more. He and his family will be moving to Australia next month and I'm posting this now because Jenna met with him yesterday and he made it clear it'd be the last time he was meeting her unless he came back. He did accept a present from her for the baby, so maybe that's something. I know now that I was in the wrong. It may not be a happy ending for me, but it is for Randy and since people rightfully cared more about him, that's why I'm posting. Going off of his LinkedIn, he got promoted to the job of software architect at his company (which is big, think Microsoft level big), which means his fiancee and his child will be secure. I'm assuming his job is remote too so he can work while in Australia. And I want everyone to know, I do genuinely wish him the best. He might not be our family and that is my fault but he has his own now and I'm certain he'll do a better job than I did.

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/111iv3a/oop_tells_his_wife_it_is_for_the_best_if_her_son/

111iv3a

AITA for telling my girlfriend she's not allowed to tell my daughter what to do?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwwra\_\_fix399](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwwra__fix399/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your daily fun fact to prevent spoilers: u/Then_Ferret_4572 requested candy hearts for Valentine's Day. Candy hearts were originally called "Motto Hearts," and they were created in 1866! More than 8 billion candy hearts are made each year. **Trigger Warning:** >!slut shaming!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Good dad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10k3xoc/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_not_allowed/)**: January 24, 2023** I've been with my girlfriend for three years but she only moved in with me six months ago. I'm a widower so I wanted to make sure that our relationship was serious before I was ok with her moving in with me and my daughter. Generally they get along pretty well. I told my girlfriend at the very beginning of our relationship that I wasn't looking for a step mum for my daughter, she's old enough that she doesn't need a "new mom". Last weekend I went camping with one of my mates for two days and my girlfriend stayed home with my daughter. I knew my daughter was going to a party on Saturday and I already agreed to it. But when I came back from my camping trip my daughter complained that my girlfriend told her she had to wash her make up off and do one that's less "provocative" before she could leave the house. I got angry at my gf and told her she wasn't allowed to order my daughter around and she wasn't allowed to prevent her from doing anything that I already agreed to. We had a huge fight and since then we barely talked. AITA in this situation? EDIT: My daughter is 16. She doesn't need a babysitter and my girlfriend isn't my daughters step mum or guardian. She's my girlfriend, that's it. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Was your girlfriend left as caregiver?* "Just in the house together, my daughter stayed home alone for several days before and she doesn't need to be watched or parented 24/7" *People accuse him of letting his daughter dress too provocatively and/or say that he doesn't know how she dresses when he's not around:* "I follow her on IG so I know how she dresses everywhere. I worked hard to build a relationship with my daughter where she can feel comfortable expressing herself whether it's through clothes, hair or makeup without having to fear any judgement or criticism from me. Obviously if she wears something that I think it's too much I'll comment on it but I'm not a prude who doesn't let his daughter wear skirts or crop tops etc" *OOP clarifies his gf is 28 and he is 33.* ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwwra__fix399/comments/10na87m/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_not/)**: January 28, 2023 (4 days later)** Firstly I just want to say that I didn't expect my post to blow up the way it did. I read through all of the comments, despite there being so many and I really appreciate everyone's input. Unfortunately this update is not exactly a happy one. The day after my post I tried to have a serious lengthy discussion about boundaries and our relationship in general just like many of you suggested. But the discussion got pretty heated and she said that the reason she asked my daughter to wash her make up off is because she looked like a "slut". For me that was just too much. I asked her to leave my house and by the evening she moved out. Right now I don't know if I did the right thing or not because I truly love my girlfriend but I just couldn't let anyone talk that way about my daughter. Since she moved out we haven't talked at all other than her texting me saying she'll pick up the rest of her things next week. So again I appreciate everyone that commented on my original post, seems like I'll have to remain a single dad for a bit longer. ***Relevant Comments:*** *I had to include this one because OOP is a great dad and shut some shit down:* "Firstly I do know how she looks when she goes out. And trust me clothing doesn't make you a single parent, poor choices do. I became a father at 17 and my then girlfriend was a typical tomboy. It wasn't her appearance that caused the pregnancy, it was my stupidity. And that's something that I am teaching my daughter, not that she can't wear skirts."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/111v7u3/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_shes_not_allowed/

111v7u3

OP Thinks they f*up by asking for a new sweatshirt.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/AnonShirtboy in /r/tifu** *Random Facts for Mobile users to avoide Spoilers:* *The oldest Otter in the world is called Rosa. She is 23 years and 3 months old. She is older than the oldest known male sea otter, Adaa, who lived to be 22 years 8 months old before his death but not older than the oldest known female otter, Etika, who lived to be 28 years old.* mood spoilers: >!sad but sweet!< --- &nbsp; [**TIFU by asking my dad for a new sweatshirt **](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/10psn2d/tifu_by_asking_my_dad_for_a_new_sweatshirt/) - Tue Jan 31 08:20:02 2023 UTC I guess I will begin this post. I’m a 16 year old boy. My dad is 37. My dad, never graduated high school, he lived in a bad neighborhood and got in with a bad crowd. He would then spend a few years in prison. At twenty one, my dad had me with my mom. My dad told me my mom abandoned me, when I tried reaching out to her (he advised me not to) she blocked me on Facebook. At twenty-one, my dad had inherited his parents trailer and a bit of their land so we had a place to stay. Our trailer isn’t a lot, but it’s our home. My dad, due to his criminal record, has to work for a construction company. He’s tried to climb up the ladder in the past years but his criminal record and lack of education stopped him from doing so. I begged him to allow me to get a job but he got angry at me saying he wasn’t gonna have his own child providing for him. My dad regrets his past, but he’s always told me he can’t change it. He’s been the best dad in the world, and I appreciate him so much. He never got into another relationship to take care of me. A part of me feels guilty because he stopped his entire life for me. My dad doesn’t make much money, we have a lot of bills and he has some debts so we don’t have much wiggle room. Last time I got brand new clothes was on my fifteenth birthday. My dad took me shopping at Walmart with his stimulus check. I got a bunch of clothes. However, I guess you could call me a late bloomer and I outgrew most of them. (Mainly the shirts because my shoulders broadened out and it began hurting and stretching my clothes) (I tried stealing some from the lost and found but none fit me) When my dad got home, he made dinner and while we were eating and watching tv I asked him if we could buy a new sweatshirt or two. He gets this really saddened look on his face, to sum up the conversation, he explained that we really didn’t have the money, and how we needed food. and he’d start putting aside some for a few months from now. I got glum and disappointed and went to my room. I don’t blame my father for any of our troubles, he’s a great dad. I’m just frustrated at the situation. That’s when I peaked my head out of my head room. My father was crying. I wanted to approach him and give him a hug but I’ve never been good with emotions that much. I’ve barely seen my father cry. I just went back to sleep. My father had been hellbent on me staying in high school, and I’m a good student, I get mainly A’s, and I intend to go to college. Tomorrow I’m gonna write my dad a note and leave it to him before I go to school. I’m still deciding what I’m gonna say cause I’m still crying a little, but here’s the jist. Hey dad, I just wanna thank you for everything you’ve done for me and all the sacrifices you made. I promise when I’m making a lot of money after college, we’ll get out of this trailer, and move into a big house. You can have all the Xbox games you want and finally have the childhood that was taken from you. I understand that everything you’ve done was to give me the things you never had and I’m eternally grateful. Thank you for everything. I love you dad. TLDR; I asked my dad when we’re financially struggling for some new clothes and seen him cry &nbsp; **Edits On Post** - 13 hours later Edit 1: I can’t send messages due to the new account but just know I was trying to send everyone a Heart message and a thank you for the advice. The app says I’m not accepting dms bc a glitch. But for everyone who is giving advice I am reading ❤️ Edit 2: I will update, and I don’t think I’m gonna post a Amazon wishlist, it means a lot everyone is asking. ❤️ sorry guys trolls are downvoting everyone. &nbsp; [**Dad read the post**](https://old.reddit.com/user/AnonShirtboy/comments/10qg4j8/dad_read_the_post/) - Wed Feb 1 01:01:05 2023 UTC I just want everyone to know that my dad has read the post and is very emotional. We talked and to sum an hour of our talking, he explained that I meant the world to him and that he would do anything for me. I hugged my dad. He’s allowing me to get a small part time job of working for our neighbors in their garden. He wants to thank everyone because he read many of your comments. It made him cry even harder. Thank you guys &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Throwawayaccount-4

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/112alom/op_thinks_they_fup_by_asking_for_a_new_sweatshirt/

112alom

My husband-to-be wants everyone to know I’m not “pure” + UPDATE

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My husband-to-be wants everyone to know I’m not “pure”. Trigger warning: >!purity culture, misogyny!< [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yqb6n4/my_husband_to_be_wants_everyone_to_know_im_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/CatOwnerVictim on r/OffMyChest (November 10, 2022) It’s exactly what the title says. I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years and engaged for the past 8 months. I’ve been doing most of the wedding planning but my fiancé (let’s just call him Ryan) will give his input here and there. So about a month ago Ryan out of nowhere said he was talking to some of his coworkers and thinks that I shouldn’t wear a white dress. This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy, so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines, but I’m set on wearing white. I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed but he let it go. 2 weeks ago I finally picked and paid for my dress and this caused a huge argument. Ryan again came to me very annoyed. He asked to see the dress I picked, but I said no because I wanted it to be a surprise for our wedding day. He asked me to at least tell him what color it was, and when I said white, he threw a fit. I honestly do not see why this was a big deal, almost everyone wears white on their wedding day. When I asked him what color he thought I’d be wearing, he told me I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him why I would wear red to our wedding, and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure. For some background, Ryan and I started dating when I was 21 and he just turned 20. He was a virgin when we met, and I only had one other person who was my ex-boyfriend of four years throughout high school. This caused a lot of problems The first year of our relationship and we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt. After that first year, it was never a problem again until now I guess. He went to his mom about all of this thinking she would convince me, but she’s on my side. So 2 nights ago, Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress. His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying. Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys. This all has honestly made me question even marrying this man. I don’t know if it’s just because everything is so fresh but I’m really disgusted by him. He’s not even religious so I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him. I just needed to rant to anyone about his psycho this is. *Most of the commenters are also baffled by Ryan's thought process and agree that this shows a high level of insecurity that can't be put aside. They say that it feels though Ryan is still punishing OOP for having sex before meeting him, which is nonsensical. if this is how he views virginity, how will he treat any future daughters? OOP is encouraged to break up with Ryan.* *OOP doesn't comment. However...* [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/z2udld/what_do_i_wear_on_my_first_first_date_in_6_years/) on r/dating_advice (November 24, 2022) What do I wear on my first “first date” in 6 years? I’m in my late 20’s and just broke off an engagement. This is going to be my first date in many many years. We’re going to a nice waterfront sea food restaurant in North Carolina. It’s a beach, but also November so I have no idea what would be appropriate. *Commenters encourage OOP to wear red lol*

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/112qmgu/my_husbandtobe_wants_everyone_to_know_im_not_pure/

112qmgu

My (20M) best friend (lesbian 20F) said she has feelings for me, now we are both confused

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I am not The OOP, OOP is [Goat7618](https://www.reddit.com/u/Goat7618?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) **My (20M) best friend (lesbian 20F) said she has feelings for me, now we are both confused** [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tb53wz/my_20m_best_friend_lesbian_20f_said_she_has/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 10, 2022 Just to give some context: I have known this girl (let’s call her K) since we were 14. I met K when we were paired up in a group project for this one class. I found out we had a lot in common and we became friends. Over time, I developed a huge crush on her. Sophomore year I asked her to homecoming and she said yes! It was a good time, but after it didn’t really lead to anything, I got the sense that she didn’t like me the way I liked her. Junior year, K came out as lesbian. Honestly, I wasn’t super surprised but I was a little heartbroken. I decided to put all my feelings away and just be supportive. I was really enjoying my senior year. I started dating this girl the summer before school started (thanks to K setting us up)Things were going well until Covid hit. My GF broke up with me because she couldn’t handle a relationship at the time. I was sad about that but more upset that I was gonna miss things like Prom and senior trip. K knew I was upset and invited me over for a fake prom which consisted of us getting dressed up for photos and immediately going inside to play old Wii games and watch movies. She even bought some of my favorite snacks. Still probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. First year of college sucked. Nothing noteworthy happened other than K and I going to the same school. K started to date this girl who I’m 99% sure hated me for no reason. They break up in the summer and now we can move onto the important part of my story. K and I decided to get a place near campus together for this school year. Her mom thought it was weird, but her dad (coolest guy ever BTW) thought it was a good idea. We’ve had lots of good times so far. My favorite thing about living together has been our late night talks. We talk about anything from school, sports, hot girls, bad hookups, etc. Last night during one of our talks, K randomly brings up that she might be bisexual. Not gonna lie, I felt a little jealous thinking that she hooked up with a random guy. But she tells me that she has feelings for me. I kind of laughed it off at first until she started crying. She said she started having feelings for me a month ago and was super confused about her sexuality. I apologized for laughing and said we’d talk tomorrow. I didn’t want to make any bad decisions that could ruin our friendship. So right now she’s at class and I’m just alone thinking. This is literally a dream come true, so why am I hesitating at all?!! I guess I don’t want her to just immediately change her mind after and make things weird between us. I’m anxiously waiting for her to get back. I really do love her though I never thought I’d have a chance at this kind of love. Any advice on what I should say to her when she gets back? I feel like I’m overthinking this lol. TL;DR: Best friends for 6 years, she’s a lesbian. Moved in together for school. She might be bisexual and has feelings for me. Need advice on what to do next. Relevant comments kazahani1 commented   >Just gotta be honest with her. Tell her how you've always felt and ask her what she wants to do. Admit you're scared of things not working out. Try to decide if you want to try it anyway. From the tone of your post it seems like you might regret it forever if you don't try with her. OOP replied >You’re definitely right about that last point. I’ll always wonder what might’ve been if I don’t try. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tco3ix/update_my_20m_best_friend_lesbian_20f_said_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 12, 2022 First of all, thanks to the people who commented on my original post. So K got here later than usual so she could finish an assignment and have the whole night to talk. When she walked in, we both smiled at each other and didn’t say anything. I thought the mood was gonna be lighthearted but as soon as we started talking we both got really emotional. I took the advice to just be completely honest about how I felt. I told her how I had a huge crush on her when we first met (she knew). I also told her how grateful I was just to have her in my life and whatever happens I don’t want to ruin that. K agreed and gave her side of the story. The long comment on my original post pretty much nailed what she was feeling. She felt like she was stuck with the label she put on herself when she was younger. After her last break up, she started to question herself and her feelings towards me. She eventually sorted out her feelings last month but was afraid to tell me. We laid out some of the possible risks of being together, but realized we were probably being too hard on ourselves. So we’re gonna give this relationship a try! We’re gonna take it slow and communicate a lot about how we’re feeling. We ended the night with a long hug and some more tears. Yesterday morning we talked some more about things like Spring Break plans and when we would tell parents and friends. Parents will come when the time is right, but our friends will probably just figure it out themselves lol. Honestly, there was a super awkward vibe between us in the morning. I think both of us were scared of trying to make a move or trying something different. We both thought of some fun date ideas for this week to break the awkwardness. Things were a lot better last night. We cuddled for a while, which wasn’t really something new but it feels a lot better now. Overall, I’m just hoping I don’t fuck this up. We have a week off from work and school starting today, so it should be a good time. Thanks again to the few people who commented on my first post. I think I needed to see someone say “go for it” TL;DR: We talked and decided to give this relationship a try! Things were weird at first, but we’re already adjusting and starting to get more comfortable. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Goat7618/comments/te38es/update_2_my_20m_best_friend_notsolesbian_20f_said/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 14, 2022 Hey, thought I’d give a quick update to the people who followed/ asked to keep them updated. Probably my last post for a long time. Don’t really want to keep posting my personal life on here. So K and I already had plans to visit our families for spring break before we entered our relationship which sucked because we didn’t want to be apart. We live like 10 minutes from each other so yesterday we just drove back in one car (wow way to make it obvious). I said fuck it and convinced my parents to let K and her parents come over for dinner. Dinner was good and we all played a few games afterwards. We had to hold in our laughter when her dad made a comment about how nice it is that K and I have been friends for so long. I guess it’s possible that he knows because that’s definitely his style of humor. Now the biggest part of the update: We had our first kiss! K wanted to go on a late night drive just like we used to. I was dropping her off and she just leaned in and kissed me. It wasn’t super long, but it was really nice. We have some plans for this week but we’re also broke af so… Like I said, I’m probably done posting these for now. I feel like first kiss is a good note to end on. Thanks for all the nice comments! If I do post again, hopefully it’s a positive update. [update 3](https://www.reddit.com/user/Goat7618/comments/uuxdzc/wonder_if_anyone_remembers_my_posts_lesbian_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) May 21, 2022 Hey! I saw a few notifications about new followers on this profile and apparently my post was shared somewhere so that’s cool. Figured I could give a quick update about K and I. These last 2 months flew by. Relationship is going great! Not much has changed in our dynamic except we kiss and have sex now lmao. We just moved out of our apartment because the semester is over. Gonna miss that place. We were planning on telling people about us once the semester was over, but SOMEONE got drunk and posted a picture of us kissing on their Instagram story. Of course, K’s parents saw it and told my parents because they are all friends. They were happy for us so that’s good. So yeah that’s about it. It’s funny looking back at how nervous I was. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/112zmp0/my_20m_best_friend_lesbian_20f_said_she_has/

112zmp0

AITA for not forgiving my daughter?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/kobefishluv](https://www.reddit.com/user/kobefishluv/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Your daily fun fact to prevent spoilers on mobile: u/breathelovesit requested crabs. Crabs can walk in any direction, but mostly walk sideways. There are over 4500 different species of crabs. A group of crabs is called a cast. **Trigger Warning:** >!racism, n word, abusive relationship!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Actually positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dk44hh/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_daughter/)**: October 19, 2019** I'm on mobile. So what? English is not my first language. Me and my daughter used to be best friends, we did everything together. She truly was the light of my life. But things started to change on her teens, moodiness, lashing out, lies...etc. I just thought it had to do with her age, that she would grow out of it. I really tried everything, family therapy, long talks about how I much I loved her. None of it worked, she would either roll her eyes back or spit more of her venom. My husband works really long hours and isn't of much help to be honest. My husband is white, I am black and my daughter is mixed, but she looks white, she really takes after her father. This is relevant. I really don't know what I did wrong, but her dislike for me began to become pure hatred. She would question all the time how someone like me could be her mother, when she was white and I was black. At some point she even demanded a DNA test. I said sure, if she paid for it. She was not pleased with the results. She is 17 now and has began dating this white boy and she is head over heels for him. She refused to let me meet him, and told me that having a "jobless n\*gger for a mother" truly ashamed her (I am a SAHM) I don't think I have ever experienced such pain. Long story short, I couldn't take her abuse anymore and decided to go back to my family in Cuba. My daughter couldn't be bothered to even say goodbye to me. Few days ago I received a message from my daughter asking for forgiveness, lots of how she "cann't fit", "is in a really dark place" and lots of excuses. It may sound cold, but I don't want to see her face. I don't care about her apologies. I thought I had made the right decision, but my husband thinks I should really hear her out and forgive her. My family has been harrassing me to go back to Miami and make peace with her, specially mother. And friends have been reaching out and have even called me a "shitty mom" for not forgiving her, and how I "must" have done something for her to behave like she did. My anxiety has been over the roof. I am back on my pills now. Is this really my fault? Am I the asshole? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10xysdc/update_aita_for_not_forgiving_my_daughter/)**: February 9, 2023 (Three years later)** I know it's been three years, but several people still asked me about it because they saw my post on tik tok or other media. So I wanted to make this post to thank everybody who gave me such kind and sensible advice three years ago. Even though I didn't reply, I read most of the replies, good or bad. And I am thankful for all of you who encouraged me to give my daughter a second chance. I'll summarise it: I went back to Miami and she gave me a heartfelt apology and explained all the dark things her boyfriend was getting her into. We got into therapy once again, she left her abusive relationship and these past three years our relationship has become better than ever! It was not easy, but definitely worth it. I'm glad I didn't give up. Thanks reddit!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/113ihfh/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_daughter/

113ihfh

My (24m) family caught me being fucked by my boyfriend (25m)

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAAssBlasted in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!rough sex!< --- &nbsp; [**My (24m) family caught me being fucked by my boyfriend (25m)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10ft9ll/my_24m_family_caught_me_being_fucked_by_my/) - Jan 19, 2023 Welp, all i can do right now is find humour in this because its a weird situation and not something you ever expect to happen to yourself but im coming here to get some advice and ideas on how to mend the situation. Yesterday was my 24th birthday. Its my first birthday out of home as i just got my own place last year. I decided I wanted to spend my birthday "alone", aka without the family and told them that we can go to dinner on the weekend. I wanted to spend my birthday with my boyfriend just the two of us. It was a great day overall, and me and my boyfriend decided to wind down the night with rough birthday sex. While getting absolutely railed my family walk into the house seeing their first born and big brother getting used and abused by a mountain of a man. They run off as fast as they can. Birthday is ruined, sex is ruined, family is traumatised and worst of all i didn't get to eat the delicious cake that they brought. I have texted and called my parents buy no reply. The only communication i have gotten is a few minutes after the incident was a text from my mother just saying "sorry". I also have not come out to them so I guess they know now. What would the best way to handle this be. I was thinking probably just give them space and wait for contact from them and go from there. Good idea or no? &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**Update: My (24m) family caught me being fucked by my boyfriend (25m)**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10xqcbp/update_my_24m_family_caught_me_being_fucked_by_my/) - Feb 9, 2023 My family and I ended up still going out to dinner that weekend and I also got to bring my boyfriend, yay. Dad texted me a while after the incident breaking the ice with "birthday sex good?". But we had a talk about some things and I ended up apologising to my mother. Apparently she was upset that I never told her but my dad knew, all is good on that front now. Dinner went well. I officially came out during and was able to introduce my boyfriend to my family. Dad was in good humour as always, my mother seemed a bit concerned by my boyfriends size and kept bringing up how big he was lol but overall she liked him (edit: im talking about how tall and big he is, not his dick you perverts lol) . Dad and my boyfriend seem to get along well and have a lot in common so thats terrible haha. My siblings are also chill about everything and think my boyfriend is great too. After dinner we even stayed at my parents place for the night and that went quite well. Everything's looking up and theres no unneeded drama. Thanks everyone for your advice and good humour. &nbsp; --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/113znp8/my_24m_family_caught_me_being_fucked_by_my/

113znp8

AITA for my coworker's daughter going through my purse and finding something inappropriate?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/OnlyShoo](https://www.reddit.com/user/OnlyShoo/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/Stoat__King requested the honey badger. Honey badgers are badasses. The San Diego Zoo describes them as "never starting a fight they can't finish." Their skin is so thick it can withstand bee stings, porcupine quills and dog bites. They also seem to be resistant to snake venom. (Also yes, you should look up the honey badger don't care video) **Mood Spoiler:** >!good ending for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10vojq3/aita_for_my_coworkers_daughter_going_through_my/)**: February 6, 2023** Hi... So, long story short, I (F very early 20s) own a toy that looks like a lipstick. I was headed somewhere after work where I would need this tool, so in my purse it went. It was in a velvet pouch that was in a makeup bag that was inside a pocket that was on the inside of my zipped up, filled to the brim purse. I put the purse where purses go (pretty high area of locker-like compartments) and went about my day. Mind you, the place where we leave personal belongings is outside my working area and no personal belongings are allowed past that point. We aren't allowed to use locks per the boss' request. However, I got called to the front desk for my admin coworker wanted to return something of mine to me. When I got there, she told me that her not very old daughter had gone through my purse and found my "lipstick". I stood there in disbelief and expecting an apology to follow her rant as she explained how her child had gone through my purse and through different pockets and mini purses to be able to find that. She said she liked the shade and went to her mom to ask for something similar, then my coworker figured out it wasnt a lipstick once she opened it and saw no pigment and a charging port. She flipped out on me saying how I shouldn't bring that anywhere near my place of work and I stood there, flabbergasted and all I could say is "she went through my purse? why did you let your daughter go through someone else's purse that was out of reach?" I also told her I had not brought that anywhere near my workplace, as it was outside and tucked away. I don't think her daughter knows what it was, but it's disturbing to me that she had to find a stool to climb onto the locker area, access my purse and then go through all of it till she found it. I want to make it crystal clear how out of reach the thing was. We didn't come to any sort of agreement and kept blaming each other, so I apologized for her child having found it, as that was not my intention, and told her to keep her child out of my things or out of the personal belonging area entirely. She told my boss about it (we have a very good work environment and boss is more a coworker than a boss) and boss adviced her to keep daughter out of that room since anything legal could be in it, clarifying that legal doesn't mean daughter's age appropriate (alcohol, cigarretes, lighters...) Now my coworker is bitching about it to whoever will listen (again, don't care, pretty good work atmosphere and we are all quite friendly and close, we talk about adult matters often after hours having a drink and one of them was the one to recommend the adult toy to me haha). Coworkers are staying out of it although some of them have privately taken my side. However, main coworker won't let it go and is still butthurt. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why were her kids there?* "She is there because they lost their babysitter and they are too young to be alone (11, 8 and 5(?))" "Something I have left out of the post is that she is a single mom of three. She has three little ones there doing homework and such after school. One is barely a teen, the second is an 8yo boy and a toddler. Oldest (who found my item) spends a few hours there while the little ones spend somewhat less. Everyone has tried to be as accomodating as possible and there had been no issue up until now that we had noticed... But who knows anymore. :s" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Small Update (in comments): February 7, 2023** "I just got off work. Coworker and children haven’t been in today… Boss walked in with a bag of what I’m almost certain were locks. I assume tomorrow we will find a bunch of locks. What I don’t know if is coworker will return? Maybe she just took a day off? We will see x)" **Update (in comments): February 10, 2023** EDIT 2: I’m out early today (yay!) and a few things have happened. My boss did install locks for everyone and apologized for the inconveniences to me, offered to replace the cost of the item too, since it had been going from hand to hand between mom and daughter. My coworker was reprimended but they didn’t want to let her go because of her family situation. They checked the cameras and it was in fact the daughter that took it, but then she came back with the daughter to rummage through my purse, and check my ID to see who to confront. In the cameras you can see the girl going through lots of purses, but not taking anything from any purse, says my boss. I believe this is true because there were no other compensations to other workers. My coworker was offered significantly less hours than what she was doing as a test try and wasn’t allowed to take the children anymore to work. She quit on the spot because she was offended by the cut of hours.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/114aul4/aita_for_my_coworkers_daughter_going_through_my/

114aul4

AITA for arguing with my fiancée after she left my child at home and took only her kids on an outing?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/picklejuice4044](https://www.reddit.com/user/picklejuice4044/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and his own profile. Your daily fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/oreo-cat requested pink fairy armadillos. Pink fairy armadillos are the smallest species of armadillos in the world. They are native to Argentina and are nicknamed "sand-swimmers" because they can burrow very quickly through the sand. Female Pink fairy armadillos are known as "zeds" and males are known as "listers." A group is a "fez." **Trigger Warning:** >!child is left alone for an extended period of time!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Sad but probably best!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10v9vrx/aita_for_arguing_with_my_fianc%C3%A9e_after_she_left/)**: February 6, 2023** Backstory, my fiancée and I have been together for about 4 years. She has two kids (12f, 15f) with shared custody. It’s an odd arrangement, she has them Jan-June. Early September, she moved into our house. My daughter ‘Charlie’ is 10. For the record, up until recently she has been an amazing mother figure to Charlie. Our first issue was back in November as we discussed bedroom arrangements. She felt her eldest should have a room of her own while living here 6 months out of the year. That would cause Charlie to bunk with her youngest. I however did not allow it because that would encroach Charlie and likely cause her to feel alienated in her own home. Last weekend I was called in and worked a 12hr shift. When I arrived home, Charlie was upset because they went out to eat and left her home. She said when they came back, she was handed a bag of takeout and the food was stone cold. I asked my fiancée to elaborate, to which she confirmed taking only her girls out to an early dinner then took them to play mini golf. Hence why the food was cold, it sat in the car as they played. She kept deflecting to the food, saying she didn’t expect her to eat it cold, she could have warned it up herself. I kept insisting it was extremely rude to exclude Charlie from the outing. She came back with…”But I brought her food home.” She then asked, “Why is it ok for you to go out with just Charlie?” That’s different, in the last 30 days her kids have been here, Charlie and I have only gone grocery shopping or on one occasion took her cat to the vet. That can’t even be compared to what she did. We didn’t come to any sort of an agreement. Friday she was taking her girls to the dentist. On the way out she made the snarky comment, “I hope this doesn’t offend Charlie too.” It pissed me off she said that, I called her feral. We both later apologized, but she then started the argument back up. She said it was so rude of me to argue about her taking her kids out. She further said, “I don’t see my kids for 6 months, excuse the hell out of me for wanting to spend time alone with them.” I understood her point, but I felt like we could periodically plan separate outings on the same day so no one feels excluded. She kinda threw the bedroom ordeal in my face and said, “My kids might feel alienated from their own mother if they can’t enjoy time alone with me.” She made the pointless remark that her kids have no problem with her doing things with Charlie while they’re living with their father. She further argued that there will be many times when Charlie will be excluded because of the age gap between her and the eldest. I told her if she expects things to workout, she would need to treat Charlie as one of her daughters. She said I was entirely missing her point because I don’t know what it’s like having shared custody. Me scolding her for spending time with them as she said was a ‘bitch-ass’ move. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wait, who looked after Charlie?* "No one. Which technically isn’t illegal in our state, we don’t have a law on it. She’s mature enough to be left home alone, but I’ve never left her alone for more than an hour. I’ve especially never left her alone in the dark." "She’s never been left alone at night, and in this particular incident she was. Yes, I’ve left her home alone before. My two rules are...1. It’s never for more than an hour. 2. Never at night. She can always call me while I’m at work, but she knows only call if there’s a real emergency. So she wasn’t sure what to do. Had I known she was at home by herself, I would have periodically called to check on her. But I didn’t even know." *Food poisoning could have happened:* "Honestly I didn’t even think about the food poisoning potential. I was more focused on the big picture of excluding her. My fiancée was like well I placed her order to go after we ate. Like that changed anything, since she knew it would be sitting in car for who knows how long. Nobody plays mini golf for a couple minutes anyways." *Why couldn't she pick a different weekend?* "This was pretty much my point exactly. I don’t work every weekend. Until June, there’s going to be many weekends she can go off with her kids and do whatever she wants. Why pick the weekend I’m working to do it. No one even told Charlie anything except we’ll bring dinner home. She didn’t know about them playing mini golf until I wanted to know what exactly the reason was for her being left home. It’s like she knew exactly what she was doing in excluding Charlie because she was trying to hide it." *Is this behavior recent?* "Yes, this has only been an issue since she moved in. I should have elaborated more how the dynamic changed. I get a lot of comments here are saying toss her to the curb. That’s why I said to her if you expect this to workout. Before we lived together, she would take her kids to amusement parks, water parks, bowling alleys. You know, all that type of stuff. Sometimes both Charlie and I would join, sometimes we’d later hear about the things they did together. That was fine, no one was excluded because the dynamic was different. Two different households. Then during the 6 months she didn’t have the kids, we’d see each other more. We’d take Charlie together to go do fun things. Sometimes we’d have date nights while Charlie was spending time with her grandmother. Everything was fine. Charlie’s mom left the picture when she was 3. She doesn’t ever see her. So having a mother figure, aside from her grandma really helped Charlie to fill a void." *Why are you more interested in sex than your daughter? Kick them out.* "Umm...no my child comes way before that. I can’t just throw her and her kids out. For starters there’s a housing shortage here and a long wait list. They’d have to go live in a hotel. She would possibly have her kids fully taken away at that point. I’m not a heartless prick, I can’t in good faith just throw them out and be ok with that. Plus, per state laws anyways she would have 30 days to vacate if it comes down to that." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/picklejuice4044/comments/10z9h87/just_in_case_anyone_comes_here/)**: February 10, 2023 (4 days later)** As of tonight, she’s moving out. She’s going to move in with her mother. I didn’t think that would be an option, but I’m glad it worked out for her kid’s sake. As far as our relationship goes, I can forgive but I can’t forget. She’s so damn stubborn she still doesn’t see what she did wrong, she only sees herself as the victim in this. I’m honestly over it. I can’t have someone mistreating my kid behind my back. Charlie has mixed emotions which has made me feel even worse. She’s been upset with her, for what she did to her. But yet she’s sad she’s leaving. She thinks when the other girls go back to their dad’s, the relationship would revert back to what it was. I told her that’s like a conditional relationship. It’s not healthy to be loved and treated well only six months out of the year. She should have treated my child the same, regardless if her kids are here or not. Tomorrow, the evil stepmother is officially moving out soon as the truck arrives. Charlie will be going to her grandmother’s during the move just to prevent any idle words being spewed against her. Her grandmother has a fun day planned for her which she’s looking forward to. I’m looking forward to having this lady out of my house. She’s damn well taken over and I’ve far too long kept my mouth shut.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/114aux1/aita_for_arguing_with_my_fiancée_after_she_left/

114aux1

AITA fir not forgiving my stepsister for crashing my car

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/pleasant-blueberry80 in r/TwoHotTakes on Feb 8, '23, updated Fab 9th. [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10x6z4c/aita_fir_not_forgiving_my_stepsister_for_crashing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) AITA fir not forgiving my stepsister for crashing my car My stepsister F21 crashed my F18 new car after I told her she couldn’t use it again. My stepsister name her Paula had two cars both she got from her dad and my mum and she destroyed both of them within months after she got them. My mum and her dad got married when I was 11 after my dad died three years prior. I had a hard time accepting her dad and her but in the end I got used to it and we have a solid relationship,at lest her dad and me. Paula got her first car when she was 17 just after she got her license it was an older Audi she got from her dad it wasn’t the nicest car but a good start. She didn’t liked the car but it was better than nothing so she used it, but after 4 months she crashed it into my mum’s car as she was coming back from a party. The second car she had she got last year for Christmas my mum and her dad bought it for her but guess what she drove it into the river on New year because she forgot to put the handbrake on. My mum and her dad were furious but she didn’t care she said she would just buy a new car and they should chill out. She moved out afterwards to her own apartment. So I just bought myself my dream car a Mini Cooper 2014 I did years of saving for it. My stepsister visited two weeks ago over the weekend while I was at my grandparents house, so she thought she could use my car while I was gone and drove shopping with it. As I got home I saw a huge scratch at the back. I asked my mum how it got there she was clueless she didn’t know Paula took the car while they were sleeping, Paula looking all innocent said she took the car on a little Shoppingtour because I wasn’t using it. I was so angry at her and said if she ever uses my car again without my ok I would kick her arse to the moon and back. She said she was sorry and that some idiot was it not her. When I was coming home today I saw my car crashed into the wall in front our house and Paula my mom and her dad standing besides it. I was furious I asked what happened and my my car was in the wall. Paula said she accidentally crashed it because she wanted to drive to the nail salon and she confused the front and reverse gears. I exploded I screamed at her that I want her to pay for the car and that she was a horrible person because she didn’t even looked guilty for destroying my car and she should never drive a car agin in her life because all she does is cause accidents, I stormed away and looked myself into my room. Her dad said I should forgive her and that it was an accident but we were sisters. I was shocked and so disappointed in my mum because she said nothing against it. I said that she wasn’t my sister and I would never forgive her and that I would move to my grandparents and that she should better pay for my car or I would sue her. He said that I was a brat talking to them like that and that not forgiving her would make me a bad human being. So am I the asshole for not forgiving her? *In the comments:* She got her license after her 3th try and almost got it withdrawn for speeding but my Uncle works at the police station so she always gets out of trouble. I’m going to the police tomorrow and hopefully all goes well. She got the keys from my room I have there a key holder so she just grabbed them while I was gone. [Update the next day](https://www.reddit.com/user/Pleasant-Blueberry80/comments/10xt68f/aita_update_because_it_takes_a_while_to_post_there/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Today morning I got a call from my stepdad saying Paula came crying and drunk driving in a car to them and begged him to try to change my mind on the police because she doesn’t want to get into trouble. He said if I go to the police my uncle won’t do anything for me and that I’m no longer welcome at home. I just got back from the police station and filled a report of theft and damage to property again Paula ,turned out Paula and her dad called the police and said that I would frame her and that I crashed the car into the wall. So I’m on the way to a lawyer to help me with all of that I also called my insurance company and they said that would work on getting me the money I deserve. Im now living at my grandparents house and will distance myself from the rest for a while. Some of you had some questions about stuff so Idk why my mum didn’t say anything against Paula and her dad she’s normally very vocal on her bad driving skills. Paula got both cars bought for her because she doesn’t have the money to buy one herself but I had so they only bought her the cars. When she crashed into my mums car she damaged only the right side of the car so my mum wasn’t that pissed at her. Paula always got out of trouble because my uncle always got her out of it. She got her license after the third time trying and only after my mum helped her out she also got into a accident when she drove my mum’s car and went to hospital for a broken leg but nothing really happened to the car. I will update when something happens and thank you for all the support in the comments it helped a lot Small update: just found out that my stepsister tried to fight my mum after she contacted me and wanted me to come back home. She’s in the hospital right now because Paula broke her nose, I’m now on my way to her and hope she alright and sees what kind of a person she really is Again, new update: Paula got arrested for stealing the car from a neighbour and my stepdad is not talking to my mom or me right now and my mom is thinking about getting a divorce. I don’t really know what to say I’m just overwhelmed with the situation right now so yeah

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/114c8jp/aita_fir_not_forgiving_my_stepsister_for_crashing/

114c8jp

I fell in love with my (married) neighbor and then I babysat his kids. Now I'm questioning my feelings.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Gorgeous-and-Acorn **in** r/TwoHotTakes **and** r/Trueoffmychest trigger warnings: >!None!< mood spoilers: >!Good for Neighbor!<   [**I fell in love with my neighbor and then I babysat his kids. Now I'm questioning my feelings.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/10wdfyv/i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and_then_i/) [Archive Link](https://www.unddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/10wdfyv/i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and_then_i/) [TOMC Archive](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10wcxbt/i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and_just_babysat/) \- Feb 7, 2023 Okay so first of all I’m new to Reddit, so sorry if there are any mistakes or something. I obviously can’t talk about this with any of my friends or my mom, but then I saw a Reddit post on Tiktok and I thought this would be a good place to talk about this. I'm also gonna post this in a couple of different places based on what came up when I googled "best reddits to post on for advice", so also sorry if this shows up multiple times. Finally, I know you all are gonna judge me but at least try to understand my side. Thanks. So I'm a 34yo woman, and seven months ago I had a messy breakup with my long term boyfriend, so I moved in with my best friend and her husband in a house we are all renting together. It was then that I met my neighbor, who I will call K. He helped us move our stuff into the house and I was instantly smitten. We live in the suburbs of a major city, so we both ended up taking the train into work at the same time each day. I knew K had a wife and kids very early on, he talked about them often and pictures of them on his lockscreen, social media, etc. However, initially it started out as a very innocent, silly crush. He is handsome and funny and sweet. The first time we rode the train, he asked me about my job and seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying, which is something my ex never did and is something we fought over a lot. He is always doing things for his kids, like bringing home treats and stuff for them and staying on the phone with his older daughter the entire ride to work because she needed a pep talk before a school presentation. It was just so easy to imagine how lovely and attentive K would be with me because he is like that with everyone else. K has never said or done anything to imply that he has feelings for me yet, but we are genuinely friends by now because we talk on the train (which is about a 20 min ride) almost every week day. I have never had trouble getting the attention of men, and with this basis we have already, I know that we could easily become something more. I also learned shortly after I developed feelings for him that his wife is someone I went to school with, and I was surprised because they are polar opposites. He is funny, she is dry, he is exciting, she is cautious, he is a little dumb, she is very smart intellectually. Lookswise... this feels mean but yikes. I just don't think that their personalities fit very well together at all, and I can easily see K getting stuck in a relationship because he's just so nice. The issue is that yesterday evening K knocked on my door and asked if I could watch his kids for a bit. This was of course no trouble, and I said yes right away. He told me that his wife had gotten into a car accident while away on a business trip, and because she is pregnant he was super worried and had booked the next flight out to go see her. They don't have any family in the state currently, so he asked me to keep an eye on them for a few hours while a family friend drove several hours to watch them at night. Now is there the issue came in. These kids were an absolute NIGHTMARE. There were three girls, and the oldest was your typical bratty preteen x1000. She was rude and didn't respect my authority at all, arguing with me about everything from dinner to who had to clean up to what movies she was allowed to watch. I even heard her call me a bitch under her breath a couple times. The middle was rowdy and constantly wanted to play loud, messy games even when I told her no. The youngest was mostly sweet and quiet on her own, but she joined in with whatever drama the middle wanted to create. It culminated in me agreeing to play hide and seek with the younger two and ending up getting locked out of the house. When I went back and tried to convince the oldest to let me in through the back screen door, she pretended she couldn't hear me and put her headphones in. Thankfully, the family friend arrived a few minutes later and let me in and then I went home. This makes me sad because before now I would often dream about being a stepmom to K's kids one day because of how highly he would talk about them. Now I want nothing to do with them--but at the same time, this is further proof that K and his wife are not happy because children from a happy home do not behave like this. I just want to have a relationship with K but I do not know if it is possible because his kids and I would not get along and this is even before a potential divorce where their mother could easily get them to hate me. I really love K and I know that we could have a beautiful relationship if I pursued this, but this has really shaken me. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this but everyone in my life would judge me. &#x200B; Notable Comment exchange: &#x200B; >Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you love him. You romanticize him and have this fantasy life in your head. > >In your head you act like he would drop his wife and run away with you. You justify this belief by saying his children are wild so it must be an unhappy home. Meanwhile you completely ignore the fact that his wife is pregnant and he dropped everything to go to her. > >You say the kids do not respect your authority, it sounds like they barely know you and suddenly you’re in charge. You’re not their mother and will never be their mother. > >You think you will have a beautiful relationship with K if you “pursued” him? No you wouldn’t. He has a family that he clearly loves. > >Just because he is nice to you doesn’t mean he wants you. I encourage you to discuss things with a professional because this isn’t healthy. [OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10wcxbt/comment/j7mntsk/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) How do you know whether or not I love him? Are you inside my head? You can love someone before being in a relationship with them. And just like I don’t know for sure that he loves me, you don’t know that he doesn’t. You never know until you cross that bridge. I know he wouldn’t just drop everything and run away with me. There would be months and even years of divorce court, custody arrangements, etc. if he decided to leave his wife. (And before the comments come in, yes I know there’s no guarantee that he will do that. But K is a good honest man, if anything were to happen between us he would absolutely leave his wife because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us and he told me he believes very strongly in fairness.) That’s why I’m asking, I know this could be a messy situation if anything happened. I just want to know if his kids being difficult will make things worse if it DOES happen. I want to know if the potential pros outweigh the potential cons.   [**Update to: I fell in love with my neighbor and then I babysat his kids.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/10x69mr/update_to_i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and/) [Archive](https://web.archive.org/web/20230208194107/https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/10x69mr/update_to_i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and/) \- Feb 8, 2023 Image transcription of screenshot: >K: \_\_\_ and the girls are ok. Thank u for watching the girls. > >OP: Of course! Any time :) Let me know if theres anything else I can do > >K: Thumbs up emoji > >K:[https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10wcxbt/i\_fell\_in\_love\_with\_my\_neighbor\_and\_just\_babysat/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10wcxbt/i_fell_in_love_with_my_neighbor_and_just_babysat/) > >K: Is this you? > >K: Because if it is, we need to talk. I promise you that I have absolutely no interest in leaving my family for you, Im sorry if I ever gave u the wrong idea but I don't see you as anything more than a neighbor. I dont think we should be friends anymore. > >OP: Wait > >OP: Can I call you?   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

College_Prestige

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1151m58/i_fell_in_love_with_my_married_neighbor_and_then/

1151m58

OOP: My girlfriend buried all of my beans in the woods and won't tell me where

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**I am NOT OP. Original posts by u/ThrowRA_BeanDrama in r/relationship_advice and r/tifu** --- &nbsp; [**My \(30 M\) girlfriend \(30 F\) buried all of my beans in the woods and won't tell me where, causing a fight between us**](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fwsigu/my_30_m_girlfriend_30_f_buried_all_of_my_beans_in/) - April 7 2020 With all that is going on, we have stocked up on supplies, including some canned goods. I ordered a few weeks ago 30 cans of beans. 10 are black beans, 10 are kidney beans, and 10 are pink beans. Also, I ordered 15 cans of chickpeas. I thought this is a reasonable amount of beans and chickpeas to have every now and then and would last for quite some time. However last night I opened the cabinet because I wanted to make a vegetarian chili using two cans of beans, but all of the beans were gone. What the hell? I asked my girlfriend and she told me she buried all of the beans in the woods. At first I thought she was joking, but she explained, no, she had buried the beans in the woods. WTF? I asked her to explain and she told me she was afraid that "if things get bad" we might have to worry about "looters or whatever" and that the beans would be in danger of being stolen. I said I thought this was completely ridiculous and unlikely. She became angry at me and said she "is protecting our beans." According to her logic, the beans are safely buried in the woods behind our apartment complex, and if we ever need some beans she will go to the "stash" and dig up a can or two, but would prefer if we save them all for "if things get worse". I said why only bury the beans, why not bury our more valuable items? She said the canned food was most valuable for long-term means, and that since we get fresh food in our online grocery deliveries, it would make sense to continue to stockpile beans. She intends to go bury more beans in the woods every week. This was too insane for me and I got very upset. I demanded to know where the beans were buried, and she refused to tell me. She said if I knew she was afraid I'd dig them up, I said damn right I would. She said "I will never jeopardize the beans." I crossed the line and said she was out of her mind, she stormed away. We have not talked since last night. I think it is completely ridiculous to bury the beans in the woods and I want to find them and dig them up, but apparently my girlfriend is taking this very seriously. How can I convince her to tell me where the beans are? And do you think I should convince her to get therapy or something or should I break up with her? So confused. Is this normal for a girlfriend to bury beans or otherwise hide them? TL;DR - My girlfriend buried the beans in the woods and will not tell me where they are. [**2 Days Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/fy06bv/tifu_by_demanding_that_my_girlfriend_show_me/) The following day I tried to put my foot down, and I'm not usually a foot downer but there are rare issues where compromise is out of the question, and I foolishly decided this was one of those issues. I demanded to know where the beans were buried and I told her if she was going to bury beans I paid for in the woods that I would move out. We fought about it and I kept insisting. In hindsight I should have just let it go and created my own hidden stash of beans in the apartment, and given her time to maybe cool down about this bean burying scenario, but I blew it all out of proportion. Yeah it's weird to bury beans in the woods but why did I have to press it? What's the harm at the end of the day? In the grand scheme of things? But I kept demanding her to take me to the beans, or at least draw a map or something, and finally she BROKE UP WITH ME. Over the beans. I have lost the love of my life because I couldn't let the damn beans go. I am in disbelief. She moved out. Not only am I heartbroken but I am now paying full rent instead of 50% which is a huge financial issue for me. TL;DR - I kept demanding that my girlfriend show me where she buried the beans in the woods and she got so angry at me that she ended our relationship and moved out. My heart is shattered and my finances are jeopardized because of a bean hoard. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

bigbluesandwich

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115n3gf/oop_my_girlfriend_buried_all_of_my_beans_in_the/

115n3gf

[New Update] My husband cannot accept I don’t like mustard. Things came to a head yesterday.

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT THE OP.** This is a new update to a story already posted in BORU in Nov. 17, 2022. It was posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxms57/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/). Note: I have marked the newest update with 🚨🚨🚨 below so you can skip the older updates posts if you don't need a refresher. [**My husband cannot accept I don’t like mustard. Things came to a head yesterday.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yju3vf/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/) in r/relationship_advice submitted on Nov 2, 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater trigger warnings: >!emotional, physical and sexual abuse!< We’ve been married two years, dating five. We are both 34- I’m a woman, he’s a man, if it matters. I’m not a picky eater. In fact I’m quite adventurous and every time I’ve traveled I’ve always made it a point to try dishes with unusual/uncommon ingredients to say I’ve tried them. There are very few foods I won’t eat. One of them is mustard (the condiment). I don’t like it. I just don’t. The taste is very strong and overpowering and it’s an unpleasant taste. I’ve tried yellow, stone ground, honey, artisan, brown, spicy, you name it. I have tried them all. And I just don’t like them. My husband for some reason never understood this. He loves mustard, especially honey mustard. He puts it on all his sandwiches, dips his fries in it. And everytime he tries to force me to try it. He’ll insist I’ll like it this time. I’m a grown ass woman. I know what I don’t like! And I don’t like mustard. So I’ll say no and it’ll devolve into a mini-argument where he’ll call me picky. Well, last night we were on the road home from a weekend trip we took together and he stopped at a gas station to get us a quick bite. He got a hot dog slathered in mustard. I got one but decided to keep it plain. I don’t really love hot dogs to begin with but I will eat them. While we waited in line he asked what I got on mine. I told him nothing. He actually got furious and grabbed it from me. He marched over to the condiment station and began putting mustard on my hot dog, telling me to grow up and stop being picky. I just walked out and sat in the car. I didn’t even want the damn hot dog anymore. My appetite was gone. He came back and began screaming at me for embarrassing him even further. The word divorce was said for the first time ever. I secretly recorded his screaming because I was genuinely afraid I would die. He was driving erratically, swerving and speeding. I’m in a hotel tonight. He ignored me all day at work and then the calls started around when he realized I wasn’t coming home. Nonstop voicemails and texts. He sent me a screenshot of a Google search for local divorce lawyers. I haven’t eaten all day and I’ve been sobbing in this damn hotel room. I don’t want to get divorced and I wish I had just ate the fucking mustard. Someone, anyone, please give me an explanation. Am I in danger? Why would he react this way to a preference of mine? I’m completely broken right now. **xxxx** [**Update #1: I can’t respond since my post got deleted sorry**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/yk8rx6/i_cant_respond_since_my_post_got_deleted_sorry/) submitted on Nov. 2, 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater Some answers I guess to questions I saw: Regarding when I said no to sex. He respected if I said no to having sex but he would ask for blowjobs over and over. I used to give in at first until I started dreading doing it. He tried buying all this stuff to make me like it, to make it easier or whatever. I used to like blowjobs. I don’t like giving them to him. But he’ll still ask over and over. I started responding with, “I said no. Are you going to force me to do it?” And he’d get squeamish and offended that I’d implied he would rape or assault me. If I have a support system: no. I’ve always been a very small circle kind of person and I lost touch with casual college friends. My friends are his. It makes me feel like a loser but I don’t really have friends of my own. My parents are dead; my dad died when I was a teen and my mom passed recently of heart failure. I have no siblings. I’m financially capable of living on my own and I could pay for a divorce. I just… really didn’t want things to be this way. The mustard thing was always just an annoyance to me. I didn’t consider it a deal-breaker, but obviously it is for him. We have no kids and no equity. Our finances are separate save for one joint account we equally contribute to for bills. We were looking at buying a house. I’m safe. I’m at work and I’m staying in the hotel until further notice. He has continued to text. One message said that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I’ve forced his hand by refusing to communicate or come home. I haven’t answered. I don’t know what to say. I forced myself to eat my favorite takeout late last night but it tasted like cardboard. I stayed up late compiling a list of every time he has shown worrying behavior. I guess the mustard is the tip of the iceberg. **xxxx** [**Update #2: Thank you all for being so kind… a quick ramble before bed.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/ykkkta/thank_you_all_for_being_so_kind_a_quick_ramble/) submitted on Nov. 2, 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater Sincerely, thank you all for your kind words as well as sending me links to resources. He has reverted back and has told me that he never wants to see me again, so I suppose that gives me time to read that book that someone on RA suggested to me (I forget the name). I will admit while I was at work and thinking of the lonely room waiting me after five, I considered just going home. But I knew what awaited me. I’m too drained to muster up the kind of apology he would be expecting in order for things to go back to normal. I honestly fear that our “normal” is detrimental to me. I also don’t want to apologize. I don’t think I did anything wrong, and you all helped validate that. I always felt like I was the one disturbing the peace. He’d get so upset over things that were little to no effort for me to just do or go along with because I loved him. And somewhere along the way I think I lost myself. I never liked mustard. I never liked golf, or camping, or red wine. But he loves all of these and wanted me to love them too. He said he was introducing me to his hobbies so we would have shared interests as a couple. But I have realized that out of all the things I used to like, he has either refused to try or ignored my interest. Our shared interests are just his. God, how do I feel like my own person again? My world broke not two days ago and now I’m drunk at a hotel bar switching between Reddit and researching divorce lawyers. I still don’t want to divorce. It’s so permanent. I never pictured myself a divorcée. I used to think that every choice I made, I made deliberately. It used to be a point of pride for me. But he’s making this choice for me. And it hurts. **xxxx** [**Final Update: I’m leaving him.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/yospyh/im_leaving_him/) submitted on Nov. 7, 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater First of all: I took this week off at the encouragement of my employer. I plan to spend it finding a therapist that specializes in domestic abuse and sexual assault, which I’ve come to realize I am a victim of. I feel completely numb. I’m also looking into a divorce lawyer. Secondly: he found the hotel where I was staying. I guess he followed me from work. He was waiting in the lobby. God, my heart skipped a beat and I realized that I did NOT miss him at all. I was afraid of making a scene (I need to unlearn that), so I sat with him in the lounge area and talked. I’ll summarize it. I pointed out the security camera and said if he tried to hurt me, there’d be footage and I would press charges without a second thought. He was completely shocked and said he’d never hurt me. I reminded him how I feared for my life in the car. He ignored me. He asked why I wasn’t coming home. I was completely blank faced when I told him, “Because you’re divorcing me.” He said he didn’t mean it and was just upset. I said, “when normal people are upset, they express it in a healthy way. You threatened the end of our marriage. I’m taking you seriously.” He got pissed and asked if I was saying he wasn’t normal. Honestly, I just wanted the conversation to be done, so I told him if that’s really all he heard then there was no point in talking anymore. I told him I was looking for a lawyer and he should probably do the same if he hasn’t found one. He lashed out and said, “All this over one mistake?” And I just stared at him. As I made to stand up, he grabbed my wrist hard and I pointed at the camera again. This just made him angrier. He never could handle slights to his ego. One mistake. It wasn’t one mistake. It was a pattern of abuse over years. It was threatening me, intimidating me. I told him if he tried to contact me again beyond sending me his lawyer’s details I’d be calling the police. He let me go. I want to say I was badass and celebrated in my room. I collapsed onto my bed and began sobbing. I was just so sick and angry and sad. He truly doesn’t care about me. I’ve been crying on and off while calling local therapists. God, why is it so hard to find one? The amount of therapists that advertise but turn out to not be accepting new patients is unacceptable. I’ve looked into victims of DV/DA support groups as well. In the span of less than a month my life is completely changed. And he isn’t remorseful at all. He just thinks it’s all my fault. >**OP's last comment**: I will probably move. I saw my RA post get reposted on Twitter. I’m terrified he’ll see it and come for me. A lot of people commenting on it were saying he would try to kill me and I believe them. **xxxx** [**Another Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/z5e552/another_update/) posted on Nov. 26, 2022. I have a divorce lawyer. That’s all I comfortable with revealing on here for the time being. I will also mention that I have moved locations. I am safe and secure. My work has allowed me to go fully remote. My STB-Ex does NOT have my location, nor are there any trackers on my phone. I am in contact with people and organizations who are helping me. Earlier this week, the calls and texts really ramped up. I was advised to leave him unblocked and simply muted so his messages would come through. I read a few since I was curious. He wanted me at thanksgiving dinner with his family. He begged me to stop being this way and what was he supposed to tell his family? Well, Thursday came and went. I had bought a couple of ready meals the night before so that was my feast. I do want to take a break here to talk about my mom. Since it was only three of us every holiday (except the rare times friends would come over), my mom wouldn’t make a turkey. She would buy a rotisserie chicken and dress it up with stuffing, etc. She’d make dishes we loved rather than traditional thanksgiving dishes. My favorite side dish of all time was French fries. My dad loved grilled asparagus with cheese. So we would have a rotisserie chicken with French fries, asparagus, and some garlic toast (my mom’s favorite). The first time I had real traditional Thanksgiving food at a friends’ house, I apparently told my mom loudly I didn’t like it and asked where the fries were, haha. So this year, instead of my STB-ex husband’s family’s thanksgiving food, I bought asparagus, fries, garlic toast, and a couple of slices of rotisserie chicken. It wasn’t half as good as my mother’s meal. But when I say I cried eating it… it felt like they were with me that night. I guess my absence at the dinner forced my STB-EX to tell his family that I was separated from him. So Friday morning I got a phone call from an unfamiliar number. I answered it, thinking maybe it was my lawyer’s home phone or another person I was in contact with. It was my mother in law. She begged me not to hang up on her. So I stayed on the line. She went on about how I was her daughter, she loved me, her son loved me, and how could I leave him over something so minor. He only told his mom about the mustard, and even then it was a watered-down version that made me look like a neurotic control freak who needed everything my way. According to my MIL, he just made a side cup of it for me and asked me to just try it in the car. And I started screaming I’d divorce him. She then started probing about which lawyer I was seeing and what I had told them. She also reminded me that lying in court was a crime. My lawyer had warned me to not reveal anything we had discussed to his family. It took all my willpower not to say anything. Instead, I hung up and muted her number, too. She hasn’t texted or tried to call again. Trust me, I would’ve loved to send the recording of her son screaming saying he ought to smack me upside the head, calling me a stubborn bitch, that he would divorce me, and that he would run the car off the fucking road if I didn’t start acting right. I wanted to scream into the phone that her precious son started this mess and I was simply doing what he wanted. I have come to realize you don’t treat someone you love like the way he has acted. Normal people don’t want to have sex with someone who has already said no. Normal people don’t keep pushing and obsessing over food preferences. There is something seriously wrong with that man. He texted me last night (Friday) calling me a bitch for making his mother cry. He also said he would come find me and it would take more than a locked door to keep him from getting me and taking me home. I forwarded those to the right people. I know this isn’t a happy update, but things are moving along quite nicely. 🚨🚨🚨 [**Latest Update: I am okay!**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/10y2m6y/i_am_okay/) posted on Feb. 9, 2023 I moved! I will not say where but I have found a new home. My job let me stay on as permanently remote. I can’t go into details about my divorce or other current legal proceedings, but I can say I was granted a protective order due to something that happened back in December. Due to the nature of what happened, I was hospitalized for a time. That was what I guess made me realize I wanted to get the fuck out. I traded my car, had my phone checked for tracking apps/devices, and changed my number. He cannot contact me or have anyone contact me on his behalf. I am now several hours and state lines away from him and his wretched family. I moved with only two suitcases and a duffel of my stuff. I cannot wait to furnish and decorate my new home the way I always wanted it. I’m in therapy and I have a survivor support group I see weekly. I will be okay. I feel like I can finally breathe. **Reminder: I am not the original poster.**

maedocc

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115t5rx/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/

115t5rx

A sweet story of OP and her stoic husband.

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\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Tough_Claim7543 in r/TrueOffMyChest\*\* &#x200B; trigger warnings:>!Cheating!< mood spoiler:>!Sweet and wholesome!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [My husband made be believe soulmates aren't real](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10w8a1x/my_husband_made_me_believe_that_soulmates_arent/) \- 07 February 2023 I am using a different account so that my husband doesn't know. Before meeting my current husband, I was married to my ex-husband, Dave. Dave and I met when we were 5 years old. He moved into our neighborhood when he was 5. He was this cute boy next door. We became inseparable. Even our parents joked that when we would be adults we would be married. Ever since I knew the concept of marriage, I was determined that I would marry Dave. We were like soulmates. We had the same interests. The same hobbies, the similar thoughts. He was my first everything. My first kiss, my first boyfriend. The guy I lost my virginity. Among our friends we were the perfect couple. After graduating High school, we immediately got married. I got into a good school, but I decided to study with Dave. We got married right after we finished high school. Our parents helped us find and apartment closer to our school. We worked hard. We would often talk about having kids. On our 6th anniversary we decided that we would try for a baby next year. I still remember the day when we were teenagers and cuddling, we already decided what our baby's names would be. During our 7th year of marriage, my mom got sick, so I had to stay with her for a while. I was planning to do something special for our 7th year anniversary. So I left early to surprise him. I went to my bedroom and there I saw my husband fucking another girl in our marital bed. I can never get that image out of my head. My husband saw me and his face turned to pale. I don't know what happened but I threw up right in the spot. My husband was giving me the usual "It's not what it looks like" "I am sorry." "It was a mistake". I locked myself in the bathroom. I somehow mustered my strength and called my friend to pick me up and just don't listen to Dave. When my friend arrived she charged at Dave. She grabbed some of my things and we left. I was in a catatonic stage at that point. Eventually my parents knew, they supported on whatever decision I would make. Dave's parents however wanted us to be together. There was a huge fight but eventually we settled for divorce. My whole fairy tale fantasy just shattered. I was spiraling into depression. My parents booked me a therapy. For 2 years I was like a living corpse. After that my friend pushed me to go on a date. I did but no one even came close to Dave. I was searching for Dave in every guy. But they all failed to live upto the expectation. That is when I met my now husband, Jay. Jay was the opposite of Dave. Dave was funny, he would be the life of the party. I remember one time he made me laugh so hard that I fell from my chair. But Jay was not funny like Dave. He would use humor only as clapbacks and if he wants to insult someone. He was also very stoic and closed off. Pretty boring to my taste. On our first date, I asked him some questions like what is your favorite movie. He told me he doesn't watch movie. He like reading. He didn't even ask me a thing. Except for my educational background. He talked mostly about my field of work. But he was not interested in me. We ate dinner in silence. I was 100% sure he will not call me. But 2 days later he did. He asked me out on a second date. I was skeptical of whether or not I should go. But my friend insisted. I gave it another try. Second date went slightly better than first. He talked a bit more. Asked few questions. We were taking it slow. He was opening up until the 6th date when he finally hooked up (TMI- It was amazing). I am someone who has a snack after having sex. I was craving for some so I asked him if I could grab something from his pantry. Even a bread and cheese sandwich will do. He told me to stay there and he went out. I was kinda confused. He came back after 20 minutes with take out food. It was something I really liked, orange chicken. I asked how he knew. He told me "you told me on our previous date." I melted right there. Dave and I have been together for most of my life. But he never made the effort of going out and get me something. That's when I knew even if he was not my soulmate I was madly in love with him. We dated for 3 years and got married. I came to know about Jay's family too. His mom and dad were drug addicts who died of overdose. He was homeless for a while but worked his way up. Throughout our marriage I was very very happy. He was different from Dave because whenever he would see me doing chores he would ask "Need help"? He helped me through my trauma from Dave by arranging a therapist that specializes in infidelity. He may not be a person of words but his actions tells me that he loves me. When I was pregnant with our daughter, I would wake him up in the middle of the night to either get me food or rub my feet he would say "yes, ma'am" and get to work. I love him. Even after 15 Years of marriage my love has not stopped. He is still the stoic man I fell in love with. After meeting him I stopped believing in the concept of a soulmate. He was not mine but we somehow make it work. I love you Jay. Thanks for being there in my life. And anyone who is wondering what happened to Dave, he is getting his third divorce. His mom blames me for his downfall but she refuses to see that her son cheated on his every marriage. Edit: I am sorry if there was any typing mistake. I am typing on my phone and the autocorrect is acting nuts. I tried to turn it off but doesn't work. *Some comments:* > Who knows, maybe Jay is your soulmate. He seems to be more ideally suited to you from the beginning than Dave ever was. *OP replies: From the outside we do not look like soulmates. Dave and I were the typical girl next door and boy next door kinda people. Jay was more closed off. Initially when I was dating him he was really rude in my opinion. He also has a bad temper towards people who screw up. But other than that he is good and kind. He helps those who genuinely needs help.* > After reading this, all I can say is Fuck Dave (metaphorically) and Fuck Jay (literally, in several positions, then have a nice dessert). > >I’m glad to hear you are happy; hope you, Jay and your kid(s) have many, many more happy years ahead of you. *OP replies:* *Fuck Jay (literally, in several positions, then have a nice dessert)* *I have been doing that for 18 years lol. And he still gets me snack. <3* > His mom blames me for his downfall > >Because it can't be the fault of her fucking child being an immoral faulty human being could it? I am poly, I have a different attitude to sex around a relationship, but promises are promises regardless, commitment is commitment no matter what flavour, and Dave is clearly emotionally incomplete. > >I never believed in soulmates, from childhood, but you know when it works, when it's right, you just had to have a trial marriage to refine your definition. *OP replies:* *According to his mom, he was devastated when I wanted divorce. She tried to convince me to stay with him even after knowing he so cheated. She was angry at me and my parents when I said no. She blames me because she thinks that if I had stayed her son would not have become a serial cheater because I could fix him. His other marriage failed because he was a mess because of me. Not because he was fucking other people on the side.* &#x200B; > Dave was never your soul mate. Jay was. Just took time to find him. ❤ *OP replies: When I asked Jay about if he believes in soulmates he told me "I don't believe that crap. It's just like horoscope. People believe in it because it makes them feel better. A lot of potential good relationships gets broken because of this crap." I was kinda devastated that he doesn't believe in soulmates. Can you believe in these 18 years, we have only said "I love you" only 5 times as far as I can count? I want to say it more.* &#x200B; [I said I "love you" to my husband after 5 years](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10xzj1k/i_said_i_love_you_to_my_husband_after_5_years/) \- 09 February 2023 My husband (47m) and I (46f) have been together for 18 years and married for 15. My husband is not the type who always shows his feelings. He is very stoic, smiles on very few occasions and maintains a routine. Some even say that he is a robot. But I don't think so. I am someone who is very out going and completely the opposite of him. Before I was married to him, I was married to someone else who cheated on me. I used to say "I love you" a lot in my first marriage. But after my divorce, I had some sort of aversion to those words. Over the last 18 years, we have said "I love you" only 5 times. First time was when we were dating, second was on our wedding day, third and fourth when our daughter and son was born, fifth was 5 years ago on Christmas when we were really tipsy because of the drinks. I wrote a post about how I met him and how we got together but it made me realize that we haven't said "I love you" to each other for a long time. But it didn't bother me. Even if he never said it he always shows that he loves me in his actions he does chores for me, he would always give me a foot massage, make me my favorite dish, even kiss me out of the blue. I do not have any complaints. He is the best husband anyone could ever ask for. But this was something that has been in the back of my mind for a while. We cuddle, we hang out, we make love but still no "I love you"s I would love to hear it and say it more often but somehow it just makes me nervous. I decided to buckle up and just say it. It's just 3 words. So yesterday when he was reading a book on the couch, I stood in front of him and said, "I love you." He looked at me and was confused. I repeated it. For the first time, I could see him get flustered. He told me "ok". I was a little disappointed by his response. I thought he just didn't love me anymore. Later that night when I was lying down, he came to our bedroom and told me that he is sorry for his response. That it caught him off guard. He told me that he loves me a lot. And not even a day goes by he doesn't feel lucky to have me in his life. I was tearing up. That was better than my confession. I asked him that why don't we say that often. He told me that he doesn't say it because throughout his entire life no one has said it to him except for me. His parents were drug addicts who cared less for him. He had to start working since 14. He grew up in hardships so saying "I love you"s are weird for him. But also he feels like we didn't have to tell each other when we express it with our actions way more. I told him I want to say it more now and want him to say it back if that's ok with him. I saw him smile for a while he said it is fine as long as I want it. I don't think we need to say it when we know we love each other a lot. We will probably stop saying it after few days and go back to our mundane events lol. &#x200B; *\*\*Well, we have been seeing a lot of depression cheating stories so why not a good one?\*\** **Reminder- I am not OP.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115zzjg/a_sweet_story_of_op_and_her_stoic_husband/

115zzjg

My husband regrets getting me pregnant

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/can-i-please-stay in r/TrueOffMyChest on Feb 5, '23, update undated and r/tifu on Feb 12, '23, update undated, updates added as edits. Content Warning: >!chronic illness, difficult pregnancy, sex, early labor!< Mood Spoiler: >!It’s A Happy Ending!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10us6yj/my_husband_regrets_getting_me_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My husband regrets getting me pregnant My husband of 7 years and I are expecting a baby but he's lost almost all excitement and it's breaking my heart. He's always wanted to be a daddy from the day we started dating but I have a long term chronic illness so we made sure this little baby was very planned and we had everything set up to help me face the challenges that come with a harder pregnancy. At first he was so excited, falling asleep with his hand on my tummy and just genuinely over the moon but then I started to get sick. All that love and excitement turned to fear and he blames himself. I keep trying to tell him that I knew all of this could happen before we started trying and I made the choice to go through with this. He keeps saying " if it's you or the baby I'm saving you I can't live without you" and "you could of happily lived your life with a pack of dogs and me, this is my fault" and it just breaks my heart. He said "pregnancy is meant to be a magical experience and this is anything but magic" he's already planned to get a vasectomy and doesn't want another baby or to try again if this one doesn't make it. I know it hasn't been easy on him watching me get everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy go wrong for me and I know he feels helpless but I'm scared he's resenting our baby for putting me through this. I wish there was some way I could reassure him and get his excitement back. All I can do is let him help me in any way that makes him feel like he has some control in a situation where no one can control what's going to happen next. I wish I wasn't sick but that's just part of who I am and he unfortunately fell inlove with the sick girl. We're each other's whole world and I hate that I can't give him the magical experience he wanted. I wish I was magic. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. **Update:** So I had a chat with my husband like a lot of you suggested and I think we both feel a little bit better. He told me how excited he is and that he loves our little baby already so much it's just hard for him to see the love of his life struggle. He believes once baby and I are in the all clear and I'm making a full recovery all that fear and anxiety will go away. He apologised for worrying me because he's worried about me and explained it's just hard because he sees me at my most vulnerable when it's to much and I cant hide how hard it is. I explained to him how even very healthy people can have a lot of problems during pregnancy and that my body us doing far better than we expected. Our medical team is really happy with where I am and how we are coping and that I understand it's the unknown that's causing the anxiety. He seems a lot lighter now and we've really gotten to the root of his worries. Hopefully I can carry our little one full term (another 8 - 10 weeks) but if the worst happened (I had a big flare up that triggers early labour) baby is at 30 weeks and has a large medical team ready for them at any given moment so the odds are very in babies favour. I did just want to address a few questions people have had to put your mind at ease. - My condition isn't genetic so baby is perfectly healthy and we get scans and testing done to monitor him and me to make sure he's still happy swimming around in there. - We have spoken to 3 specialist and done years of research before considering all options. One specialist suggested the hormones your body creates while pregnant could possibly reprogram my neural pathways and help my condition (its a very slim chance) so we chose to try once before going down the adoption route. - My husband is very serious about the vasectomy and I respect his choice and we've decided if we want another child down the line we will either adopt or open our home to foster care. I'm pretty sure that's all I've got for now I've been requested to update when baby comes along and let you know how I do! Keep all the positive thoughts for me I know ive definitely planned for the worst but expecting the best! Thank you for all chatting to me and sharing your stories it genuinely helped to see we weren't alone in feeling this and that others have made it through. I value your input so much [2nd Post in Today I Fucked Up](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/110t5ku/tifu_by_making_love_to_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) TIFU by making love to my husband I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and my husband has been to scared to have sex with me. I'm high risk so he sees me as completely fragile and hasn't had sex with me for weeks. Pregnancy hormones have made me twirly so we have done other things but I really missed the connection and intimacy of sex. We have such a good sex life and so in a fit of pregnancy hormones I started crying asking him to touch me. Now this man would bend over backward to make me happy and make me happy he did. After my first climax he layed back ready to complete himself. Now this is where I might of Fucked up. I climbed on top and it was good, like really good! Until the gush. I didn't think much about it at the time and went to sleep. It wasn't until 4am when I was still very wet that I thought oh no i might of Fd up. So now I'm sitting here waiting to be tested to see if sex with my husband was just REALLY good or if he broke my waters. If the test comes back negative he will never find out I was worried or he'll won't touch me again until the baby arrives. Im definitely going to be more careful and not get carried away on his magic ride. TL ; DR convinced my husband to have sex with me 31 weeks pregnant don't know if he blew my mind or broke my waters **Update!** Just got back from the hospital, had all the testing and lots of cheeky smiles from the nurses. Turns out he's just that good folks! The cup and a half full of liquid that had me worried and my bed soaked was all him and pregnancy hormones. He's definitely more freaked than the doctors were and he has me on a strict on my side with plenty of support if we get intimate again. though the doctors say everything is fine and sex shouldn't be a problem for us with my condition. They reassured me I did the right thing coming in and that if any more *cough* gushing were to happen definitely come back and get checked again. I'm minutes away from my hospital so no one worry! I'm well looked after and my baby is super happy and healthy. TL;DR Husbands just a legend and my waters didn't break. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/116oz9l/my_husband_regrets_getting_me_pregnant/

116oz9l

I'm leaving my boyfriend over a prank.

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/admirable_spirit_673 in r/TrueOffMyChest on February 11, '23, updated Feb 12. Trigger Warning: >!emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, PTSD, suicide!< Mood Spoiler: >!Ends on a more positive note!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1109cus/im_leaving_my_boyfriend_over_a_prank/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Im leaving my boyfriend over a prank. I'm still shaken up a bit shaken up so if this doesn't make much sense I apologize. TW for suicide I (18f) have been with my boyfriend (20m) for almost two years. I moved in with him last August, and things have been pretty rocky. My whole life I've struggled with my mental health, specifically depression, anxiety, and self harm (I've been clean for a while though). I also have a history of trauma, but I dont need to get into that. I made sure my boyfriend knew this when we started dating, because I wanted him to be able to nope out of the relationship if that was too much for him to deal with. He assured me it wasn't an issue. He never seemed to really "get" the whole mental health thing though. He would make comments saying stuff like depression is just "spicy sad" and people with trauma should just get over it (he also thinks that only veterans can get PTSD). I've tried explaining things to him but he just brushes me off, so I do the best to ignore him. Recently he started watching couple prank channels on YouTube, and he started pranking me. At first it was just small things like putting way too much flavor in my water, or salt in a bite of my food. I laughed it off, it didn't really bother me. But then he started jumping out and scaring me. That kind of stuff really affects me sometimes because of my PTSD, and I tried to explain that to him. He would apologize but do it again the next day. I was getting annoyed and frustrated, but I tried to let it be. Things escalated when last week when he put some noise makers under the toilet seat in the middle of the night. I woke up to go to the bathroom and sat down, BOOM. It being late at night, me being half awake, and the loud noise all mixed together and gave me a full blown panic attack. I was on the bathroom floor crying and having flashbacks. after I don't know how long I stopped crying and was just staring into space, having flashbacks. He came in because I guess he noticed I was gone for a while. When he saw me sitting on the floor he remembered his little "prank" and started laughing. I just stared at him for a second, got up and called him an ass. I slept in the living room the rest of the night. The next day I sat him down and I told him he can NOT keep scaring me like this. No more jumping out at me, no more loud noises. He pretty much sighed and rolled his eyes, but he said he would stop. Everything was fine for a week, I thought this whole "prank" thing was finally over. Yesterday I got home from being out with a friend, actually feeling better for the first time in a while. When I walked in the house all the lights were off, so I assumed he was still at work, which isn't abnormal because sometimes he works late. I plug my phone in because it died on my way back home, and when it powered on I got a notification that he sent me a text. It just read "so sorry, I love you". I replied saying it's okay, I'll see you when you get home, love you. And I heard his phone ding in the bathroom. That was weird I thought. I got up to go get his phone and when I got into the bathroom I saw him laying in the bathtub. The bath was full of water, there was an empty bottle of pills on the sink, and he was covered in blood. His wrists were cut and there was just, so much blood. My heart just, sank. I started having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating, crying, and I was just frozen. After a minute I ran to the living room to get my phone to call 911, and I hear splashing and then laughter. I turned around to see him standing in the hallway just laughing. He said he "got me" and I should have seen the look on my face. I don't even know how to describe the feelings I was experiencing. I was so mad and sad and scared. I didn't even say anything, I just walked out of the house. I just kept walking and eventually I figured I needed to call my friend to come get me. At first I didn't tell her what happened I just told her I needed her to come get me it was an emergency. She came and took me back to her house where I'm at now. My boyfriend keeps calling me and he sent me some texts saying he was sorry and it was just a joke, and I'm over reacting and I need to come home. I'm not answering. I don't even know what I would say to him. My friend is going over to his house tomorrow to get my things when hes at work. She said I can stay with her however long I need. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just feel numb. [Update the next day](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/110qhhs/update_im_leaving_my_boyfriend_over_a_prank/) Thankfully today wasn't as eventful as I was expecting it to be. I ended up sending my, now ex, boyfriend a text saying that he crossed a line and i don't want to hear from him again. I blocked him on everything after sending that, and I'm planning on changing my number tomorrow. My friend went over to his house around noon today with her boyfriend, and was able to retrieve most of my stuff without issue. She got all my personal documents, sentimental items, medication, and clothes. The only things she wasn't able to grab were the TV and Xbox I paid for, because I'm not sure how I can go about getting those back without him accusing me of stealing them. I'm not sure that fight is even worth it right now. Before she left she put my copy of his house key on the kitchen table so he knew I didn't have it. She wanted to unplug his fridge and all his appliances just to make things harder for him, but I told her not to. I really don't want to add fuel to this fire. His mom reached out to me to ask what was going on. Apparently he called her and told her that I had some sort of mental breakdown and ran away, and that he was worried about me. I told her what happened and what he did. She was pissed. She said she thought she raised him better than that, and that she was sorry he did what he did. She said that if I need anything I can let her know and she'll do what she can do help me. I guess his mom told his older sister what happened and she also reached out to me to apologize for his behavior. I wasn't close to her, but I met her a few times and she's a really nice person. She offered to help with anything I needed, and told me that she was going to make sure everyone knows what actually happened. I told her it wasn't necessary but I appreciate it, but she said she wasn't going to let her brother get away with this. I'm not going to argue, so I thanked her. For the most part I've just been lying in bed today. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally. I wish I had left him sooner. There were red flags that I just ignored. I guess I was afraid of being alone, I don't know. I'm trying not to blame myself for this whole situation but I feel like I put myself in this position, this is what I get. I'm not expecting much else to happen, god I hope nothing else happens. I'll probably give one more update in a few days as long as things have cooled down. If something significant happens, you'll hear from me. Thank you all for your kind words and your advice. It's very much appreciated and definitely needed. *I am flairing this concluded as OOP has broken up with him and left* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/116pif0/im_leaving_my_boyfriend_over_a_prank/

116pif0

OOP's husband thinks she babytraped him. New update

NEW UPDATE

*I am not the OP. OOP is u/ThrowRATucanTucans, who posted in* r/relationship_advice *after her first post was removed from AITA and on her own profile*. # [The Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10sexhv/my_husband_m35_thinks_i_f32_baby_trapped_him/) (Feb 03, 2023) Originally posted in A I T A but was removed by the mods.  My husband (M35) and I (F32) have been married for seven years. He lived next door and we just clicked - it was like a fairytale. One thing I have always thought made our marriage so strong was our friendship with each other and our trust in one another, although now my husband seems to think otherwise.  Recently, my husband found out that his friend, 'Geoff' (M34), has been baby trapped. Basically, Geoff's wife (F32) stopped taking the pill and fell pregnant a few months into their relationship, and only came clean after the wedding. Geoff came from a very conservative family, which his wife knew, and so he felt obligated to marry her after the pregnancy. Unfortunately, he also now feels obligated to stay regardless of the clearly messed up dynamic because he feels that he has made a vow and will stick by his wife and child.  My husband, for some reason, has been really rattled by this. I am currently four months pregnant with our first, and my husband asked me yesterday if I was trying to baby trap him. I first laughed because I honestly thought it was a joke. He was dead serious and doubled down, so I told him that we have already been married for seven years and a baby was not going to 'trap him' any more than he already is. My husband did not like that answer and said that there was no time limit on baby trapping, and that my intentions were clearly not pure given how I was acting as if his concerns were a joke. He said he had trusted me in the past, but me laughing in his face gave him no reason to trust me now.  I did not really know what he wanted or how I was meant to respond, and I said we should talk about this in the morning. Today I woke up and my husband was gone, but I did have a nasty text from his brother (M28) saying that I had forced my husband into this pregnancy - despite it having been a joint decision! My husband is MIA and not responding to calls or texts, and now I am wondering how on earth to go forward! Any advice is appreciated. &#x200B; # [The Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10t32q0/update_my_husband_m35_thinks_i_f32_baby_trapped/) (Feb 04, 2023) Not sure if I am allowed to post an here again, but I wanted to quickly update everyone who was kind enough to give me some advice. I didn't respond to anyone because my post was locked quite quickly, but I have read every single comment and message. I am very grateful!  I realised while I was reading the comments that everyone was right - I wasn't angry enough. My husband had insulted me and our marriage in a very hurtful way, and it just didn't really register for a while. I was so confused and upset that it didn't occur to me to be angry, but I think everything just needed to sink in.  In the meantime, I called my best friend (F31) who has been such a rock in my life. She came over with some chocolate, and was furious when she heard.  She called her husband (M34) to the house after I had gotten everything out of my system. He is a family lawyer, and he said that he would happily represent me if I wanted to go through with a divorce. This man is a saint, and will draw up divorce papers on Monday.  My MIL (F66) showed up with my husband in the car not long after my best friend's husband arrived, and she practically dragged him to the door. My MIL said that he had showed up at theirs late last night saying that he was certain that I was using the baby to trap him. Fortunately my MIL is a smart woman and absolutely tore him a new one before dragging him to the house today to apologise.  My worm of a husband did not look me in the eye the entire time, but said that he was scared about becoming a dad and projected his fears onto me. He said he wasn't sure if he was ready for that kind of commitment, but he will step up (as if he is some kind of hero - eye roll).  I called him a coward and told him that he should stay with his parents until I am ready to talk to him. I didn't want to say anything about the divorce papers because I didn't know what his reaction would be, but he will find out soon enough.  I also showed my MIL the text from my BIL, and her face was like a storm cloud. I don't know what will happen there, but I am sure it will be bad. For now, I am exhausted and just want to curl up and cry. My best friend has said she'll spend the night with me and we can watch silly movies. I have also made an appointment with a therapist for next week, but for now, I just need to rest. I am exhausted and devastated that my marriage has come crumbling down. Sorry for the sad ending, everyone! #[New Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRATucanTucans/comments/11134gu/update_to_my_first_two_posts_my_husband_m35/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (Feb 13th 2023) Thank you to everyone for all the messages and kind pieces of advice. I have received so many requests for an update, so I thought I would quickly post and let you all know how I am doing. Overall, everything has settled a little bit. In good news, I had a scan with the doctor (my MIL attended with me), and the baby is happy and healthy. I finally found out the gender, I am having a little girl! I am over the moon. My MIL was a gem, and was so touched that I had included her in the scan. She is very excited to be a granny. On that note, my MIL organised a family lunch a couple of days after the scan. I was a little reluctant, but I knew that she had good intentions and wouldn't do anything to make matters worse. When I arrived, my husband and BIL were there, along with my FIL (M70) and MIL. It was quite awkward until my MIL asked if anyone had anything to say. My BIL spoke first and apologised for his awful text, saying that he was swept up in the moment and wanted to support his brother. I explained how hurtful it had been to receive such a nasty and vindictive message, and that he knew as well as anyone that my husband and I had been trying for almost a year. He hung his head and mumbled something. That was pretty much the last I heard out of him for the afternoon. Next, my MIL looked quite pointedly at my husband but he actively avoided anyone's eyes. Eventually she spoke up and announced that my husband would no longer be welcome to stay in their house. She said that she was ashamed to have her son behave the way that he has, and that she would prefer to make space for her granddaughter rather than have "some lowlife hanging around." My husband had opened up his mouth to say something earlier, but his eyes lit up when she said granddaughter. My husband had always wanted a girl and he was suddenly in tears saying that he was so pleased to hear the gender. My husband was suddenly wanting to touch my belly and asked if he could come home and paint the nursery. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome and that he had destroyed any trust I had in him. I told him that if I took him back, I would be worried that he would disappear at any kind of big news and that I couldn't have someone at my side who baulked at the first chance. He asked me if I was telling him it was over, and I point blank told him that that I had engaged a lawyer. My husband was kind of frantic but I felt so calm, like someone had put a blanket over me in the situation. Normally I am a big crier, but I felt so removed from everything. My husband said that this was not fair - he had shown a little bit of panic and suddenly I am throwing away our life and denying him his daughter. My FIL reminded him that this is the same baby he felt trapped by no more than two weeks ago. My husband said it was a mistake and he was stressed, but my MIL asked him how he thought I felt. She asked him to imagine being so vulnerable and giving up your body to grow a family, and suddenly the one person you trust is accusing you of terrible things. He said it was a mistake and he projected his fears onto me. I told my husband that I felt so broken when he left because I had all these dreams of a beautiful family which came crashing down in an instant. My husband said that he wanted those things with me and he wanted our baby girl, but that he let the panic overwhelm him. I told him that wasn't a good enough excuse for what he put me through, and that he certainly didn't seem panicked when his mom had to drag him to my door to apologise. He didn't have much of an answer other than to say that he was ready now and wanted our girl. In all of this, in all the times he told me he wanted me and our baby, he never once apologised properly. After a very, very long discussion, the lunch wrapped up and my MIL stood by what she had said about my husband not being welcome. He asked again if he could come home with me, and I told him that it was my house (I owned the house before we married), and it was going to be a safe space for me - that is to say, he is not welcome. As far as I know, he is staying at some hotel. Finally, he was served divorce papers at work on Friday. My bestie's husband drafted them earlier, but I wanted to wait until I had thought it all through. I received a few missed calls and crying voice mails asking if I was really throwing away our family, but I did not respond. He even took a crying selfie sitting in his car, which my bestie laughed at quite a bit. My MIL called me when she heard, and told me that I am making the right decision. She said she never wanted my marriage to end this way or for her son to be so callous, but she said she is here for my baby and I, and that we will always be family. She even tried to apologise on my husband's behalf, but I told her that was not necessary. At the end of the day, his actions are his to own. My best friend has been around all weekend and we went baby clothes shopping for a little bit of sunshine in all of this. She has been such a rock, and her husband has helped so much with the process. I don't know what will happen next, but I feel much calmer and like I am making the right decision. I will update again if anything major or exciting happens, but for now, I just want to get through all of this and hopefully come out with a beautiful baby girl. Wish us luck!

AfterHeat4755

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/117e2fe/oops_husband_thinks_she_babytraped_him_new_update/

117e2fe

OP's boyfriend breaks his promise to propose on Christmas

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** \[deleted\] **in** r/Waiting_To_Wed, a sub dedicated to people who are waiting for a wedding. Marking this concluded, as OOP has since deleted her account. trigger warnings: >!domestic violence!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful for OOP!<   **Ladies, please don't allow yourself to be the witness to someone else's Christmas proposal while you've been waiting for your own for years** \- [12/25/2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/comments/zuzirn/ladies_please_dont_allow_yourself_to_be_the/) I posted this in the relationship sub the other day, but for some reason it got locked or deleted. It was getting thousands of views and a dozen reposts within the first hour alone, and people either sided with me or had similar situations to me. I was PMing a helpful person back and forth for a good hour and they mentioned this subreddit and figured I would find a place here. I am also going to repost my story because I want to help someone just like me this holiday season who may be going through the exact same feelings I have been, and to let you know you aren't alone. Here's the original text from my post: Hello everyone. Let me start off by saying I understand a lot of women get eaten alive from posting experiences like this on reddit, but I feel as though I have no one to listen to in real life that will take me seriously. Even if everyone hates me on here...I am still thankful for the opportunity to let my feelings out regardless.  My partner and I have been together for 3 years and have lived in our apartment for a year and a half. I was very hesitant on living with him early on in our relationship because I absolutely and without a doubt knew I did not want to be in a relationship for 10 plus years with no engagement ring. I’ve heard of and seen it happen so many times I was terrified it would happen to me, yet I did not want to end our relationship by not moving in with him. He actually did promise me that we would be engaged before living together, but he got a job offer in another city almost two hours away and begged me to come live with him because after living so close together for the beginning part of our relationship, he did not want and couldn’t bear to even have a semi-long distance relationship with me, and said he would consider ending it if I did not move with him because the situation would be too much for him to handle. My boyfriend has been promising an engagement “By Christmas”, in his own words, for the past two years now. All throughout last year (2021) he kept going on and on how he was saving for this awesome engagement ring and kept bragging about how I was going to love it because he took all the notes on what type of ring I loved and promised to follow through. Again, these were his words coming out of his mouth, I did not give him any ultimatums or tell him what he was going to do for me. That was in June. Come Christmas Eve time last year, he sat me down and very gently told me that there wasn’t going to be any engagement ring secretly hanging on the tree or hiding in my stocking, because the ring he wanted to get for me “Wasn’t on sale anymore” and had gone back up in price so he needed to save for it even longer. He promised he would definitely have it by next Christmas and how he had this very special Christmas proposal planned for me because “I deserved a great proposal”. Again, his words, not mine. As we all know, today is Christmas Eve and I assume you all know what must have happened otherwise I would not be depressed and drinking myself to death because I just do not know if I could go on, yet again, another full year with false promises of a Christmas proposal...but here’s the good part – that extremely romantic Christmas proposal happened to my lifelong best friend instead of me. Here I am pretending to be happy for her while hiding my depression from everyone else. Hence the drinking (that I suggested as a means of celebration). How it happened: Given how my boyfriend promised that my proposal was going to happen this year, I was so excited Christmas Eve day and heading down to the Christmas tree. (It’s important to note that my best friend (29F) and her boyfriend – now fiancé (32M) - are staying with us because my boyfriend and I already celebrated Christmas with our families and our friends live rather far away from theirs. So the past few years we celebrate Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day or a few days right before Christmas together). I made an absolute fool of myself right off the bat because there was a beautiful arrangement of flowers sitting right underneath the tree with balloons and all. The flowers were arranged in a miniature Christmas sleigh that had my best friend’s name written on it. At first I thought they were for me as part of my proposal...until I read her name on them instead. A delivery was made the other day and both my boyfriend and my best friend’s now fiancé wanted to keep the package a secret and kept it hidden in the basement and told us not to peek otherwise it could ruin a surprise. We both agreed and kept our distance from the basement. As it turns out, the surprise was intended for her...not for me. Next to the flowers was a stuffed reindeer with what looked like a Christmas tree ornament around its neck. Inside was a beautiful speech written to her about how much he loves her, exactly why he loves her, how Christmas means so much to them and all that beautiful stuff. What hurts even more is that they have been together for less than 2 years. I know it’s not important in the grand scheme of things, but someone might as well stab icicles into my face because that’s how much pain I am in waiting every year for a proposal. She’s crying before she finishes reading and, behind her, is her boyfriend on his knee with the engagement ring. She instantly jumps into his arms and screams “yes!” and there is my boyfriend standing right beside me, recording the entire scene on their phone. The ring was beautiful and would make anyone say “Wow” to top it off. He had it custom made with an emerald (his birthstone) and her birthstone (ruby), so it was perfectly Christmas themed and had ‘December 24th, 2022’ engraved on the inside of the band along with their initials. Of course, the couple couldn’t contain their happiness for the rest of the day and of course I can’t blame them one bit. To make matters worse, I saved up to buy my boyfriend a gorgeous leather jacket that he desperately wanted all year and told me how happy he was with his gift while I get a scarf from the drug store. I know it was from the drug store because we were just in there a couple days ago and I noticed that exact scarf. That day, he told me he had to go back to the store and now I know that’s exactly what he went back to get all because I said “It was cute.” I spent months planning his gift and he doesn’t even take two minutes to plan mine. I was drinking all day today just to try and numb my feelings. To make everything even worse, my boyfriend (I really resent calling him that now instead of my fiancé) kept saying things like “Look at how happy they are...their relationship looks wonderful” and “Maybe that will be you someday.” It really fucking hurt like someone tore my heart out and chopped it up with a steak knife. I couldn’t even eat dinner with them and blamed being too drunk to stomach any food. So, not only did I miss out on Christmas dinner but it’s been almost a full day without anything in my stomach except alcohol....I know that part is entirely my fault. **I have no idea what do going forward and I know it sounds insane asking a bunch of strangers online what to do with the rest of my life regarding this relationship. And I really just want to pass out and sleep right now.** **Tl;Dr: Boyfriend promised for years he was going to propose by Christmas and I was just a witness to my lifelong best friend’s Christmas engagement. I am trying to be happy for her, but I am absolutely gutted for myself and feel as though my entire life has gone wrong and I’m no where near where I want to be, and I am so sorry for writing this novel.** Now that that's over with, the original title for the post (in case you want to read the comments if we aren't allowed to post links from other subreddits) is this: **I (29F) am absolutely crushed that my boyfriend (31M) made another false promise of a Christmas engagement, but just watched my best friend get engaged instead** I really hope that my overall experience is able to help someone who is experiencing a world of disappointment today, just like I was. People left and right were encouraging me to leave and the person who PMed me has been giving me valuable advice how to collect my bearings and make that happen. I will stick it out for the rest of the holidays just because my best friend is here to visit, but in no way is my (now ex) getting any sex or even any kind of physical or emotional attention from me during this time as I plan to make my exit.   **UPDATE To: Ladies, please don't allow yourself to be the witness to someone else's Christmas proposal while you've been waiting for your own for years** \- [12/31/2022](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/comments/1004n87/update_to_ladies_please_dont_allow_yourself_to_be/) Hello all of you wonderful, lovely people who have supported me tremendously during my last post. I am terribly sorry it took me so long to update, and I apologize because I was just gathering my thoughts and processing the whole situation before making sense of everything, and ultimately coming to the conclusion to leave my boyfriend. As I have mentioned in one of my previous comments (I have no idea where that is now!) I was so upset on Christmas Eve that I couldn't even bare the thought of sharing the same bed as him. Actually, I felt so better sleeping without him that I slept on my own the night after that, and the night after that as well, etc, etc! When our friends left our apartment on December 27th, my boyfriend immediately accused me of "Ruining his Christmas because I wouldn't sleep with him" (I use sleeping as a polite way to describe he was upset that we didn't have sex all throughout Christmas...) I told him there was a very good reason for that and that reason was because I have officially broken up with him both in my mind and in my heart, and I was only keeping things civil with him so my best friend could properly celebrate her engagement. Guys, I am so glad he never proposed because after I laid everything out on the table honestly, he turned into one of those angry rejected men that many of us dread confronting one day. He started swinging his hands and knocking everything off our table and screamed something in my face. I was too upset to listen to him and grabbed my phone, and told him I am one second away from calling the police if he tries anything stupid. Then after he calms down from acting like an abusive shit head, he plays the guilt card by crying in the living room as I finish packing my things. At this point, I have already called my dad to come pick me up (he's always been afraid of my dad, even more so than the police probably) and told him that if he tries to harm me in any way, that my dad would finish him off himself. Now he's trying to guilt trip me. Asking things like "Why we need marriage if our relationship is already *so good*", and "What would a piece of paper change anything?" Then he accuses me of wanting nothing but a big production and to be the center of attention with an expensive engagement ring, and how I've been "Using him to get engaged" and all that bull shit garbage I'm sure some of you have used before. Oh yeah...as some of you have requested...I also demanded the jacket back after he accused me of "Only wanting expensive jewelry". He even had the gall to tell me I was unappreciative of HIS gift (the drugstore scarf that costs $9.99) Honestly, all I could do was laugh at him. I felt safe doing so because he knew my father was already on the way, and at the same time I had my best friend (The one who stayed over and got engaged on Christmas Eve) on speaker so she could hear everything he had been saying to me. She threatened to call the police as well on my behalf if he tried swinging his arms and breaking anything else, but I told her it was okay because my dad would be there soon (she's known him for 10 years as well) and she laughed and mentioned he had no chance. I also want to use this update as a cautionary tale for people who are (or have been) in similar situations as me. I have been with this man (baby) for 3 years and he has NEVER acted like this in any way until I rejected him sexually and broke up with him. I'm just very disgusted in him after that and I have been ignoring every one of his phone calls, and I can happily say I have a safe place in my parents' home. Ladies, put yourself first and these "men" second. Everything my ex has said to me I have found on other posts in this own sub by women defending these men...and I am very depressed on their behalf. I do, however, wish everyone a Happy New Year and I hope that you stick to your timelines (if you have one) and leave for your own happiness and mental health if it comes down to it. Please, please stay safe from men like this and all the best. &#x200B;   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Sufficient_Report529

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/117l8z6/ops_boyfriend_breaks_his_promise_to_propose_on/

117l8z6

Takeout girl tipped herself using my credit card

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Originally posted by u/punchingtheairrn in r/TalesFromYourServer on Jan 21, '23, updated Jan 22, '23. [Original Recovered](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/10idoe1/takeout_girl_tipped_herself_using_my_credit_card/) Takeout girl tipped herself using my credit card So I work at a pretty busy, popular seafood restaurant. I just recently got hired about 2 weeks ago and was getting trained at the bar today. After my training session, I was scheduled to serve tables for the night. Between 3 and 4, I had my break. So you need someone else to ring out your food for you and I asked the takeout specialist at the time. She rang in my order, cashed me out, and when I turned around she tipped herself 20% and said, “thanks for the tip!” With the SNARKIEST little smile on her face. She’s a 17 year old high school girl who plays travel soccer. Takeout doesn’t usually make shit in tips, so they make more hourly. I acted like I didn’t care in the moment but man, that shit really irked me. It was only $7 but Jesus man, that could’ve gone towards my employee meal for tomorrow or something. Any of the other servers would’ve kicked her shit in, they don’t play. It’s just a dumb situation because after today, I can’t bring it up again otherwise I look stupid for bitching about $7. Just sucks, you know? Really didn’t like that. [Update Recovered](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/10j0r6t/update_takeout_girl_tipped_herself_using_my/) Well, here it is. The very much requested update. First of all, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who took time out of your day to be there for me. I really didn’t expect the post to blow up like that and get so much attention. I was just venting after a long day and the love I received in return was so overwhelming. I needed it. Every word. From every person. Thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for reminding me of my worth. So I went in today at 11:45. As I was clocking in, I managed to catch the General Manager in the office. I asked her if she had a moment, to which she said she did, and I asked if there was an unspoken rule where servers had to tip takeout for putting together employee meals. She said no, why? I explained what happened yesterday and she apparently was already made aware of the situation. There were a few servers around who heard the whole thing go down, they vouched for me yesterday while I wasn’t around. She offered my cash back and I explained that the money wasn’t my issue, it was the principle. She could be stealing from other employees, guests, who knows? My GM assured me that the issue would be addressed and taken care of. I thanked her for her time and then proceeded to make it a mission of mine to tell the other two managers to ensure that everyone was made aware of what this girl is capable of doing when backs are turned. They. Were. Astonished. Totally on my side, called it what it was, there was no sympathy for her. It was theft. Point blank period. They made sure all the managers were made aware of what happened and reassured me that this wouldn’t go unnoticed. Dumb chick also didn’t help her case today. Managers caught an ear of her speaking to me in a disrespectful manner. All I had to do was make eye contact with them and there was a mutual understanding that this girl is really a problem. Now as far as her punishment goes, I only know so much. She did get written up, she was spoken to in the office, and she ended up getting cut early from her position tonight. On the way out, gave me these angry little hissy-fit glares. I laughed in her face, gave her the same little snarky smile that she gave me yesterday. She goes, “Just so you know, I really don’t care where I stand in your life.” I laughed again, louder this time, and said, “hey! Thanks for the tip! :)” This story had a happy ending. I made really good money today, had lovely tables, and walked out feeling a lot better than I did last night. So thanks guys, I wouldn’t have done this without you. And I’m really happy that I did. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/117m52a/takeout_girl_tipped_herself_using_my_credit_card/

117m52a

AITA for leaving my boyfriend and his friends behind after agreeing to be the designated driver?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Superbowldrunkbf](https://www.reddit.com/user/Superbowldrunkbf/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your fun fact to cover up spoilers on mobile: since this has to do with the Super Bowl, I figured I'd do a few Super Bowl facts today. The day of the Super Bowl is the second biggest eating day in America, after Thanksgiving. In 2020, approximately 1.4 billion (yes billion with a b) chicken wings were projected to have been eaten. **Trigger Warnings:** >!verbal harassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/111altx/aita_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_and_his_friends/)**: February 13, 2023** My (33F) boyfriend (33M) of four years is a big football fan and he has a tradition of meeting up with his high school friends at a bar for Super Bowl every year. It’s often the only time in a year he gets to see some of these friends because they’re busy with their families and life. I don’t like football, so I’m happy to be able to drop him off somewhere, have an evening to myself and pick him up when he’s ready to come home. He tends to go hard with the alcohol when he’s out with this group. Last night, my boyfriend texted me that he was almost ready to be picked up, so I headed to the bar. He wasn’t as ready as he made it seem, so I ended up going in and sitting down with them while everyone finished their round of drinks. He was pretty drunk and he started getting handsy in a way that I wasn’t comfortable with out in public. So I politely asked him to stop. I didn’t want to make a scene so I leaned in to whisper in his ear asking to stop. He got angry and whispered back “You should consider yourself lucky that I’m going home with you. I could go home with any woman here if I wanted to.” (He couldn’t but he’s always been a dreamer lol) I was taken aback as he’s never said anything like that to me before. I get he was drunk but still. Anger set in and I excused myself as if I was going to the bathroom. I ended up leaving and texted him to let him know I left. Unfortunately, he had arranged for me to drive two of his friends home too. Wouldn’t have been an issue but he also hadn’t communicated that with me. Instead of calling an Uber or Taxi like I assumed he would, one of his friends called his wife. The wife had to wake their toddler up to go and pick them up. My boyfriend was furious when he came home and still is this morning. He slept on the couch and we had an argument before he left for work. He says I embarrassed him by just up and leaving. He vehemently denies saying what he did, doesn’t recall getting handsy and insists he wasn’t “that drunk” last night. I also got an angry text from the wife saying I was an asshole for leaving them drunk and stranded - forcing her to wake up her toddler to go and pick them up. She also had a vague passive-aggressive Facebook post up calling me out. Now I’m questioning whether I overreacted. Maybe I should have just brushed off his comment because he was drunk and followed through on the commitment I made. I just felt so disrespected by what he said after I asked him to stop doing something that was making me uncomfortable. So, AITA for leaving my drunk boyfriend and his friends stranded after the Super Bowl? **Edit: Same day, 5 hours later** Thanks for everyone’s feedback/responses/stories. To answer a few common questions/comments * He has never said anything like he did to me before. He can push my boundaries from time to time but has always respected them when I’ve said no/stop. We’ve had a really solid relationship up until this point but this has left me with a lot of questions. * He doesn’t go out often but when he does, he usually binge drinks especially with the group last night. He reverts to high school/frat boy mode. * This was his high school group of friends that I have limited interaction with. I’ve got my group of friends and then we have also have our group of “couple” friends. I don’t know the wife at all except for a couple of dinners over the years. Truthfully, his high school friends aren’t my cup of tea so I don’t interact with them much. * The reason I decided to just slip away and text him was because I didn’t want to make a scene. After what he’d said when I tried to set boundaries, I couldn’t predict how he’d react. I didn’t want him shouting or saying something else demeaning out loud. And he was very unpredictable last night. * It seems the wife wasn’t told the whole story. I did respond to her text with an apology and explanation. Went so well that she left me on read and has left the Facebook status up. Speaks more to her at this point. * I didn’t know until I got to the bar to pick him up that I was also driving his friends home. In normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have been an issue at all. A heads-up would have definitely been nice. But I probably should have ensured rides were arranged for them before leaving. * I’ve decided to stay with a close friend for a few days to figure things out. My boyfriend and I have built a life together but I’m not sure we can recover from this. * I don’t want our relationship to be contingent on “stopping drinking” or “no longer hanging out with this group of friends” or the promise that it won’t happen again. From experience, ultimatums don’t work and lead to resentment. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/111altx/aita_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_and_his_friends/j8lesd8/?context=3) **in Comments: February 14, 2023 (The next day)** Update as requested by some: First off, thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. I read as many of your comments as I could. Thank you for sharing some of your stories and I wish I could hug each of you that were, or are, in my situation. I really appreciated the support and also some of the honesty in the AH judgements. Some of what happened could have been handled differently. I acknowledge that me leaving without saying anything wasn’t the best decision in hindsight. But at that moment, it was the only decision I felt I had given the shock of what happened and the flight response it triggered. I have done a whole lot of reflection. I don’t know why this incident was the catalyst because looking back there’s a lot I let slide at the cost of my self-worth. I had my blinders on and ignored things I shouldn’t have which I’m embarrassed to admit. However, I still felt like we could work through things. At the very least, we needed to talk. I had hoped that we could have an open conversation about what happened and ideally a plan to move forward. So my boyfriend and I met up today for the Valentine’s dinner we had reservations for. The dinner was pretty emotional and didn’t go as I hoped. I apologized for leaving his friends stranded as a way of me showing to him that I took responsibility for my actions (even though I feel even more justified thanks to you all). But he unfortunately wasn’t willing to do the same. He still denies doing and saying what he did (despite remembering everything else that happened while he was at the bar). And he actually doubled down again about me embarrassing him - now not only by leaving them at the bar but for also having the audacity to respond back to his buddy’s wife. He said that they were his friends and I had no business airing our laundry to them or involving them in “our issues”. I just can’t comprehend how someone who supposedly loves me can’t accept responsibility for his actions or at the very least acknowledge he hurt me. He obviously doesn’t respect me. It’s done and over. I can’t do it anymore. We’re going to go our separate ways. I told him as much. We own a house together, so it’s going to be a process but I feel oddly content with my decision. So thanks again to all you internet strangers that lifted me up and offered supportive words. I could not have walked out of the restaurant so confident in my decision if it wasn’t for you guys. I’m back at my friend’s place now, with a hot cup of tea and Women’s Worth by Elissa Mielke on repeat. As the lyrics say “Holy shit I’m tired of loving a man who acts like a child” and “Holy shit I’m done with losing my mind just to love someone.” And I am. I’m done.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/117vhu0/aita_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_and_his_friends/

117vhu0

Oop gave their ex fiancé's dream vacation to her sister (+update)

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I'm not the oop, that would be user/throwaway\_honeymoon/ Trigger: >!infidelity, entitlement!< Mood: >!woohoo, screw entitled cheaters!< [AITA for giving the vacation of my (26m) ex- fiance (24f) dreams to her sister and husband?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10wvw6u/aita_for_giving_the_vacation_of_my_26m_ex_fiance/?sort=new) I met my ex's sister in high school when she started dating my best friend. During our senior year she got pregnant and they married soon after. After high school I joined the military. I served 6 years before getting medically discharged. EX and i started dating. I got a good job that would have me leave a couple times a month up to 10 days at a time. While doing some last minute wedding planning a text from her sister poped up asking "have you told \[my name\] about what you did with \[her ex-boyfriend\]. If you don't do it tonight I will tomorrow." I asked her what was that? She tried to play it off. I keept pressing her and said that during ther Bachelorette party she ran in to him but nothing happened. It was an obvious lie. I went through her phone when she fell asleep. There was text and pictures with him all the way back from when we started dating. They would hook up every time I went on work trips. Sent proof to my phone. I woke her up kicked her out and ended the relationship. She did the cheaters script. I told her "Stephanie" looked a lot like her ex bf and showed her one of the screen shots of them together in my bed. She started to cry and I gently got her our the door. I canceled all wedding plans and needed some help calling guest to inform them the wedding was off. My friends wife said that during the Bachelorette party she caught them sneaking away and having intimate time. When she confronted them she gave my ex the option of coming clean to me herself or she would do it. She did not know it was an ongoing thing. Now on to the honeymoon vacation. I had planned it so that it would be perfect for my ex. It was 10 day trip to another country that she has always said was a "once in a lifetime bucket list place." There was nice hotels amazing experiences and over all her dream vacation. I was already out about 10 grand for the wedding and more if I canceled the honeymoon trip. I made the decision to offer it up to them. Since I knew that they never had a honeymoon or really any real vacations since they got married young and had kids. Also they just saved me money and time. They accepted. They were able to get the time off work and had made arrangements for the kids for the trip. My ex found out about it she flipped out and was calling me and texting me about how much of an AH I am for doing that to her. How I knew that it was HER dream vacation. How i ruined her life. I got messages from her friends and some of her family that she lied to and blaming me for the breakup. Her ex even texted me saying that im not a real man and then threatened me. She must have went there las night as he shouldn't have my number.I have not responded to them at all. But AITA for giving my cheating ex fiancée dream honeymoon to her sister and my best friend Verdict: NTA [Gave my ex fiancé dream vacation to her sister (+update)](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/111s3rz/gave_my_ex_fianc%C3%A9_dream_vacation_to_her_sister/) Update: Funny thing about me is I can be in a war zone and be calm as can have a clam head.  But in the situation of that night I was a mess. I was noth thinking. When you get a bunch of messages telling me off from people I thought cared about me it threw me off. On the bright side I get regular check ups because of my job. Blood work included. But I went and got checked specifically for anything sexual and all was negitive. I followed some of the request and got a restraining order on the AP for the threat. Pays to have good connections with local Law Enforcement.  Yall were right. I didn't really have to do anything for the truth to come out. She ended up going to her sisters place the night after she found out about the honeymoon banging on the door demanding all the trip info. When she got denied she went crazy. Screaming and yelling and eventually detained when the neighbor call the cops. Found out that during her fit she confessed that she was just using me and never loved me and she admitted sleeping around behind my back. Did I mention it was on camera (doorbell cam ftw). They posted it. I ended up getting messages from the family apologizing. But none from her friends so I sent them screen shots of the messages and a PG safe photo. Messages also included her talking crap about most of them. After that the AP showed up to my house trying to break in and "talk" to me. He was drunk. I lightly self defensed him and "carefully" detained him. Police came and he was arrested. I also have cameras with audio. (Assault, attempted b and e, and for defying a RO) So she lost most of her her family, friends, spent the night in jail and her AP is going to jail.  I was able to be set up on a contract for a month which comes with bonuses and getting out of the country. Hopefully my mind will be right when I get back.  Also my friend and his wife will be left today (Monday for the trip). I was able to get some of the more personal details of the trip changed in to their name. I also payed for the hotel to put a cheap camera and a note "Remember to making lasting memories and document the journey."

LiraelNix

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11825ho/oop_gave_their_ex_fiancés_dream_vacation_to_her/

11825ho

AITA For not having my niece be the flower girl at wedding?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/tokenbifriend](https://www.reddit.com/user/tokenbifriend/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I added paragraphs for readability. Your daily fun fact to prevent spoilers: u/Harmonie requested pink river dolphins. Pink river dolphins have hair on their snouts to help them find food at the bottom of the river. They come in every shade of pink and are even capable of blushing when they are excited! They can also turn their necks 180 degrees, unlike their ocean dwelling distant relatives. **Trigger Warnings:** >!Homophobia, internalized homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Actually sweet!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igsfll/aita_for_not_having_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/)**: August 25, 2020** I am bi. Hence the name. I am a woman. The person I am engaged to is also a woman. This is relevant because my sister (Amanda) hates both things. She and her husband (John) are both homophobic, so during the process of planning our wedding party for our wedding next May, the idea of having my niece be the flower girl was never even brought up. Instead, we pretty quickly chose my fiancées little cousin for that role. My sister found out that her daughter isn’t going to be the flower girl and is absolutely livid about it. She insisted that my fiancée, Jane, had “forced” me to choose her cousin over my niece. That my niece was the obvious choice and I should change it. You may say, why not just have two flower girls? Well, I suggested that as a compromise to Amanda but she hates that idea too. The main issue I have with making my niece the flower girl is that I can’t be sure she will even be there. To be honest, I didn’t even know until recently if they would even come to the wedding at all (still not sure honestly, their tolerance levels fluctuate on who they’ve been around) and even if they did, I would have assumed they wouldn’t want their daughter a part of it. Who knows if everything will be fine leading up to the wedding and then the day of Amanda and John decide to be homophobic? I know I sure don’t. Somehow, my sister has gotten my parents on her side and my mom says I’m being bitter because I wasn’t invited to my sisters wedding. I’m pretty sure that that’s not it, though I was hurt at the time to not be invited. Part of me still is. But I don’t think I would try to punish my niece over it, which seems to be what my mom is trying to imply. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Was your mom against two flower girls?* "Oh, no, sorry my mom thought the two flower girl option was fine. But, she adores my niece (which is fair, I do too!) so I know that her bias has at least some part to do with her siding with my sis. And to be fair, my mom also was upset about me not getting invited to my sisters wedding." *More about sis:* "Idk, I didn’t come out until I was 20 and she was my best friend up to that point. Like I said, their tolerance fluctuates. Some days are better. It’s been almost ten years and I just got used to it I guess. It helps that no one else in my family is the same way, but I also hope she stops being that way some day :)" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/113cqir/update_aita_for_not_having_my_niece_be_the_flower/)**: February 15, 2023 (2.5 years later)** Hello everyone, A few years ago I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/igsfll/aita_for_not_having_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/) here on AITA, about my sister making a fuss about my niece not being the flower girl at my wedding. No one has asked for it, but I wanted to share this update anyway, because you guys really helped out a lot. So I took a few peoples advice about having both my niece and my then fiancée's (now wife's!) cousin being the flower girl without letting my sister know there would be two. The day of the wedding and only my sister and niece showed up, BIL was no where to be seen. My sister was a little surprised about the two flower girls, but then surprised me even more by talking about how having two was such a cute idea. My sister was super sweet all through the reception, and I felt like I had my old sister back, which was so so so nice. We had a chance to talk in a way that we hadn't in years, and we spent a little time going over the whole flower girl thing, and my sister was embarrassed and apologized. Without getting too much into things, my sister left my brother a few months after our wedding, and she confided in me that part of her decision came from seeing how differently my wife interacted with me and our family members when compared to her husband. Basically, ex-BIL was not a good person to my sister (an understatement!), and she is so much happier now, she's like she was at the reception - like my old sister who is full of life and caring and sweet and an absolute awesome mom. But the biggest reason why I wanted to share this update was because my sister and I have had a lot of long talks since the wedding and the whole flower girl ordeal. All of it stemmed from my ex-BIL and his AH-ishness. He did plan on causing a scene by not allowing my sister or my niece come to the wedding. Apparently it was like a three hour fight before my sister was able to leave for the ceremony. The biggest surprise came when we had a long talk after her divorce started, me my sister and my wife, and my sister kept asking a lot of questions. Most of them centered around us being women who are bi or attracted to women. The next night my sister came out as bi to the both of us. Three weeks after that, without knowing our sister came out, our younger brother came out to the family as pan. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and their kind words. I have my best friend and sister back. I am so very happily married to the most awesome woman in the world. And I get to go with my best friend, my awesome wife, and our super cool pan brother to Pride this year. Things get better, and its okay to give people you love a chance. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about sis and her ex and sis not inviting her to the wedding:* "Thats still an "ouch" area for us, but 100% because of the influence of ex for the no invite. I'll probably be MOH at the next one lol On a serious note, from our discussions afterwards, there was a lot of internalized homophobia that developed when she was first questioning. It got worse over time. I think my own coming out actually triggered it to get worse and then she met her now ex and he really did make it exponentially worse because he would feed into those internalized feelings and make her feel worse and worse. And part of her own actions and words were, I'm sure, to play into the narrative that her ex established. It kept the peace at home, behind closed doors, and he got into her head so bad she probably started believing it herself at some point." *Has sis apologized for leaving you out of her wedding?* "Yes, she has - there was a lot of painful discussions and healing that I chose to leave out of the update for the sake of brevity. Maybe I scapegoat my ex-BIL for things that I know my sister did participate in, but again, without getting into it too much because it is her story to tell and not mine, he got in her head and changed some wires. Fear and manipulation and control can make you do some crazy things, and that man had a way of instilling fear and manipulation and terrible control over her. I only wish that she hadn't had to live like that for as long as she did. And thank you! I am so very happy to have her back <3" *Comment from OOP to another bi woman with a homophobic family:* "Sending all the hugs. I think people have an amazing capacity to change - they don't always, but they have it. I don't know your situation with your family, but I am assuming you love them like I loved my sister when she was going through her "homophobic phase" (which we joke about it being now!). I got a lot of advice to cut her off or to not invite her at all, and I appreciated that because I knew they were looking out for me, but I knew that somewhere deep down my sister was still the same person she was when she had been my best friend. It took years for her to get out of the toxic pit she had been in. But she got out. I like to think she would have even without me around, but some days I think she wouldn't have - if I cut her off, it would have fed into the lies of her ex and the lies her own brain was telling her. I hope your family are able to see through the lies of hate and fear someday as well. Wishing you and your gal pal (😉) all the best and thank you so much!" *One more:* "Once my sister came out to the rest of the family, it felt a little like that spiderman meme with me, her, and our brother pointing at each other lol We are now side eyeing the other two siblings, but not everybody can be cool😏💖🏳️‍🌈"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/118pabb/aita_for_not_having_my_niece_be_the_flower_girl/

118pabb

TIFU by talking to a cute girl at the gym

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/o78kbd/tifu_by_talking_to_a_cute_girl_at_the_gym/) by deleted in r/tifu** Mostly concluded &nbsp; **TIFU by talking to a cute girl at the gym** from June 2021 First off, I have social anxiety. It's especially bad when talking to girls, 1000x worse when I find them attractive. I recently got into extremely good shape. Not only have I noticed I get treated extremely differently I've noticed girls actually take notice to me sometimes. While finishing my run on the treadmill I started to warm down and finish my run with a small walk. Inevitably at one point I looked over and made eye contact with a cute girl two machine down, being naturally nervous I smiled and looked away straight after. A moment passed and she cleaned her machine off and stood on the treadmill next to me gesturing at my ear buds. I took them off and she proceeded to ask my what kind of headphones they were. Everything went quickly down hill from here. After about 30 seconds of small talk I could feel my anxiety setting into every part of my body. It took about another 30 seconds before I could no longer walk and talk at the same time. My body decided the walking part was the issue here, not me awkwardly trying to form coherent sentences that didn't make me sound like a clueless idiot who has never had a social interaction before. Not even a moment later I effortlessly glided off the treadmill landing on the ground behind me now looking at this girl glancing down at me like I had 7 heads. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you I just..." Before she finished her sentence I said "I don't know how to do this" and quickly walked off without looking back. Treadmill still going. Favorite water bottle left behind. I spent a good 20 minutes in my car trying to process what had happened. The only conclusion I settled on was that I need to swap gym ASAP. TLDR; cute girl started conversation with me while walking on treadmill. Anxiety took over. Let treadmill push me off it and proceeded to make an ass off myself before full blown power walking out of the gym. Left the treadmill running and my favorite water bottle behind. Came to conclusion I need to switch gyms. Edit: wow, so I didn't expect people to be so kind and encouraging in the comments. I sorta posted it for the laughs and have gotten an overwhelming amount of kind words and great advice. Thank you for that. I have opted to go to the gym Saturday during my usual time. I've seen her before on weekends so maybe my luck will play out. Sadly when I called my water bottle wasn't at the treadmill I left it on or returned to the desk. Thank you again everyone. Edit 2: for everyone asking I will without a doubt update this post if I see her tomorrow or Saturday (Sunday is my day off) if I don't see her this weekend I will still update it when I do see her. Of the past 3 days I was there I've seen her all 3 so odds are I'll run into her this weekend. The handful of people that personally messaged me sharing your stories and kind words, it means more than you can imagine. Thanks again. Edit 3: welllllllll today was a miss. Didn't run into her and my water bottle is still no where to be found. To everyone saying she is holding on to it, I sure frigging hope so. To those seemingly annoyed I was "hitting on a girl at the gym" she approached me with a casual conversation, all I did was smile at her. I'm confused as to what post your read, because it clearly wasn't mine? To all of you that continue to provide me laughs and genuine kindness, thank you. I will update again tomorrow and likely create a new post when I do eventually (hopefully) run into her. To those here because they want to see what happened to my water bottle, I appreciate your support as well LOL. &nbsp; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/o8hlio/tifu_by_talking_to_a_cute_girl_at_the_gym_update/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) New post for those who care. THE WATER BOTTLE HAS BEEN CONFIRMED SAFE. I went to the gym today and ran into her again. Ironically enough didn't even know she was there till I went to the back and pulled out my yoga mat to start stretching. She was already back there getting ready to leave (atleast it looked like) By some miracle I was able to apply some of the breathing techniques so many kind people shared with me and was able to not only have a smooth conversation, I not once felt my anxiety set in till the conversation had actually ended. So thank you again for all of you kind reddit peeps. She has my water bottle, she didn't have it with her but she says it's at her apartment (she forgot to put it back in her car after washing it she said). I out right told her sorry about the other day letting her know the mix of my nervousness and post workout exhaustion had my mind completely fried. She apologized again for interrupting my workout and said she should have waited till I left the gym to try and say anything to me on our way out. We chatted for a good 10 minutes, mainly small talk about our workout routines, stuff we do outside the gym and a slight bit about our work lives. The conversation went smooth as butter for what I normally dish out. She gave me her phone number so I could reach out to set up a day to meet her at the gym next week to get my water bottle back. I texted her a solid hour(ish) ago and we've just been chatting ever since. We're going to the local farmers market tomorrow to hang out and get some food. SHE IS GOING TO BRING MY WATER BOTTLE WITH HER!! Needless to say, reddit came through. Thank you people. I truly am grateful for your kind words that helped me face anxieties I've dealt with for a few years now. Strangers on the internet aren't all bad and you kind people have been proof of that. To clear a few things up off the rip; she offered me her phone number. I didn't go out of my way to "pick up" this girl at the gym. I didn't go back there anticipating to make a friend or get a date. My goal was to apologize and retrieve my water bottle as respectfully as possible. I've made a friend. That's all I know right now. That's enough for me. TLDR; Made a complete ass of myself at the gym infront of a cute girl, left my water bottle behind and my dignity, decided to confront my insecurities and mistake and turned out making a friend and finding my water bottle to be safe and sound in the process.

bestupdator

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1197hrq/tifu_by_talking_to_a_cute_girl_at_the_gym/

1197hrq

AITA for not having a funeral?

ONGOING

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/AdHot6302](https://www.reddit.com/user/AdHot6302/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/WayfarerGuineaPig requested capybaras. Capybaras are excellent swimmers and can stay underwater for up to 5 minutes at a time. Per one source, he scientific name for capybara comes from Hydro chaeris, which means "water hog" in Greek. **Trigger Warning:** >!Terminal Illness, harassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Surprisingly hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10lb862/aita_for_not_having_a_funeral/)**: January 25, 2023** I(29M) will be honest, I most probably have 4-6 months to live. I am being treated for Multiple Myeloma for 14 months and it is not going good. 3 weeks ago, I was offered palliative care because it was chemo resistant this time+ I didn't want to participate any clinical trials and we started for arrangements. At my first visit with the palliative care service, I was offered after death planning assistance. I am spiritual but I am not bound to any religious institutions. I want my body to be buried directly without any layers between me and earth. I also don't want any grave or any memorial stone. When I die, I want my body to be sent to a forest, bury me and let my body dissolve into the nature. I have a really minimal relationship with my family. I was seen as an outcast most of the time(I am neither academic nor have an interest in the family company) and after high school, I moved into my way. My late Grandfather left each of their 6 grandkids a portfolio that was worth 700k$ and I used it to buy a 2 bedroom house, renting it, had a training in plumbing and start an investment account. The union I am working with has really good worker rights and I immigrated to Canada 7 years ago as a skilled worker so healthcare isn't a big money problem for me. I also have a 1+1 house to live in Vancouver, which I am currently residing in. I have a hospice worker team that checks on me daily. I didn't tell them I have cancer until 2022 December. Until that time, it was going fine and I could manage myself, I even turned back to work between 2022 July and December but right now, I am swiftly declining. Last week, mom and dad came and visit me. They asked me a bunch of questions than the topic of funeral rose up and I told I wouldn't be having any. They tried to start a fight but my hospice worker escorted them out. All of my siblings said I was too harsh on them and they needed time to accept the facts and they said I was having the right from their hand to mourn by not having a funeral and this made me feel guilty. So,AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *What does his family want?* "They want a full on Catholic funeral. I do not identify as a Catholic and I don't want to be buried in a coffin. I want my body directly touching to the earth, don't want an intermediary between them." *More about why he wants what he wants:* "I am scared of being buried in a coffin and having a tombstone. I want neither of them. I want my body to be dissociated in the nature as soon as possible after I die. This is thing that makes me feel disturbed." "They can do whatever they want unless it is with my body. I would prefer my family to be done with the memorial that my union will hold but I know they probably won't and it is their right not to be done with. I see body as a vessel to my spirit and after my death so when my spirit isn't there, I don't want my body to be present. I also don't want to be burned because the ingredients of my corpse are useful for the world. I sometimes have the dream of seeing a cherry blossom tree growing between my cages to the infinity after I am buried." *Do you have someone who will make sure this happens?* "I looked into this and I have a solid will and funeral instructions for my lawyer in the union. Our union lawyer accepted to be my executor of the will. I am legally bound but the problem is morally" *Did he check laws about burial:* "In Vancouver it is legal if you have a pre-determined area but we need to prepare a document for that. Lawyer said he would handle it this week who is also the executor. But we might also probably buy a little plot and bury me there and afforest the area." ***OOP is voted NAH- no assholes here.*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1142ysq/updateaita_for_not_having_a_funeral/)**: February 16, 2023 (3 weeks later)** Hello to everyone who commented here and to the persons who PM'd me. Thanks for all of your suggestions and to the guy who said he will cover my legal fees, thanks but my union already does that. I couldn't add the link so I would be glad if mods ads it somewhere. This is a positive Update, not about my family but about myself. My family is a shenanigan by themselves that I will talk later in the text. 4 days later I posted this, I got a phone call from my hematologist. There is a new drug that was recently approved for the treatment of MM and he suggested me to try it and I accepted it. It is just approved at August 2022. We started it a week ago and I am feeling better, maybe it is placebo, maybe it is seriously working I don't know but I am currently in treatment, left the palliative care and turned back to treatment care. 10 days later I will have a PET-CT scan to look if there are any regressions but my hematologist is really positive and thinks this is working and for once in the last 6 months, my blood count is near to normal. Yesterday I managed to walk a mile without a shortness of breath so this is a win. These are the good news, and now there are the bad news. My family did not take the news of me having a lawyer to arrange my funerals that well. They came to my city, tried to find the house I was living (not the building my hospice care took place where my parents have visited me before) and they even tried to pester my hematologist to give them my house address and my siblings tried to pester the Union office to give the information they have about me. If my hematologist haven't given me a head up, I would be clueless about all of that. Myself, him and the Union have filed for harassment to the police and all of them currently have demand (C&D equivalent in Canada) letters against them. There is also an inadmissibility case going on against them and they are deported to US. The last mail I got them from was disturbing and all of my hometown is bashing through my DMs and I know nothing will be right in their eyes. I am even planning to give my U.S. Passport up (I am also a Canadian citizen) so I won't have any ties with that place. They still think I am bound to death but I am not planning to say anything to them about the current treatment. After the treatment maybe I will send a letter via my lawyer. I also learned my lawyer consulted my case to his friend who does these kind of cases and he helped him to organize everything in legal sense. In case if everything goes south, I have a stern plan and will that I don't have to worry about, if I am in remission, well I still have my ducks in a line and I won't have to worry about a thing. My last funeral plan is, I bought a land that I will be buried with a cotton shroud as Muslims do and that land will be forested after my burial. I won't have anyone in the funeral other than my lawyer and my union director. It is all written in the will with very clear details and Union director said "Each and everyone should have their own right to decide how they should be treated after death." I am glad that I have this kind of support. Thank you very much everyone. **Edit: OOP commented on this post:** Heyy,I ended up here. I am a vivid reader of BoRU to kill time but last 72 hours was rough for me because the new treatment can cause sever headaches but now I am fine.I also had a PET-CT scan 3 hours ago and I am waiting for my doctor to see and compare it to the pre-treatment one but the guy who handled the scan was really happy with my results so I see it as a win. I will try to be here and feel free to reach out.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/119p8z6/aita_for_not_having_a_funeral/

119p8z6

My girlfriend [23/F] is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I [24/M] pulled on her and her family. [LONG]

REPOST

Not the OOP. Also, kudos to [u/Schattenspringer](https://www.reddit.com/user/Schattenspringer/) for finding this in the first place. I'm including their final note at the end of their[ BORU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o8h8jq/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/). Trigger warnings: >!"Pranks", stalking, obscenities/harassment!< Mood spoiler: >!Inconclusive, OOP doesn't seem to ever understand what he did and was planning "one last prank", also probably fake!< &#x200B; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9j7596/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/) This past weekend was the big camping trip that my girlfriend would be taking with her and her family. It would consist of her, her parents, her younger sister, her aunt and uncle, and her three cousins and it was a big family trip that was being planned for cooler weather. My girlfriend told me all about where they would be camping and I decided to take advantage of that knowledge. I visited my girlfriend's house to say goodbye to her and wish her a fun trip and when they all took off in their cars, I got in my car and drove to the campsite that they would be staying at. I know the area pretty well and I was able to find a spot to hide my car from view and I was able to navigate the woods and keep an eye on them while remaining hidden from view. When it came to nighttime, I put on a Chewbacca costume and ruffled it up a little to make it like wild and untamed. While the family was gathered around the campfire, I started to rustle the bushes. The family noticed, but they didn't think much of it. Then I started to make growling noises. The family was getting noticeably freaked out and then my girlfriend's uncle started to walk towards where I was hiding. As soon as he got close enough, I jumped out from behind the bushes and started making roaring noises while running around acting like a Bigfoot. I shook their tents, threw lawn chairs around, and chased after some of the cousins. I heard my girlfriend's dad yell "GET THE GUN!" and that's when I knew I had to end the prank. I took off the costume, revealed myself, and the entire family was pissed. Long story short, I got yelled at my almost all of her family, and the noise attracted the campsite manager, who kicked me out after hearing what happened. Today I heard back from my girlfriend for the first time since the prank and she said that she's seriously considering breaking up with me. She just said that she needs some time to think and that she'll let me know when she's made her decision. Now I'm just left wondering what I do. I'm thinking that I need to pull off a major apology and I need some advice on what to say to save this relationship. [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9jor4p/update_i_24m_just_offered_an_apology_to_my/) I'm honestly really embarrassed and humiliated about this update. I almost considered not even posting it, but I feel the need to vent and express my frustrations on some way, so here it is. I really hope you don't think too badly of me and you understand what I'm going through after last night. Last night, my girlfriend's family was holding a barbecue in their backyard and my girlfriend was able to talk her dad into inviting me. He was originally against the idea of me coming, but he was willing to let me come so long as the first thing I do is offer a genuine apology for the prank that I pulled on all of them. I arrived in their backyard and everybody that I pranked at the campsite was sitting at a table and they were all clearly waiting for me to arrive. I sat down next to my girlfriend and I began my apology. I stated that my prank was ill-timed, immature, and thoughtless and I apologized for ruining their camping trip that they had apparently been planning for some time. I tried to make it as genuine and sincere as possible and when I was done, I waited for some type of response. There was a really long awkward silence as the whole family just stared at me. Then the uncle whispered something in the dad's ear and they both burst out laughing, but I couldn't make out what he said. The dad then said that he DIDN'T accept my apology and then he told me to leave. My initial response was a very loud "What the fuck?" and that made things worse. My girlfriend's dad kept telling me to leave and I lost my temper. I swiped an empty plastic cup off of the table and I said to the family "Fine, fuck all of you!" while flipping them off with both middle fingers. As I was leaving the backyard, my girlfriend caught up to me and said that she was breaking up with me. She said that I was too "immature" and "impulsive" and she said that she wants me to leaver her and her family alone. I tried apologizing to her profusely. I kept saying "Babe, I'm sorry! Just give me another chance and I promise I'll be good! I promise!" I kept saying this over and over, but she said that she's given me "millions" of chances and that she "can't fix me". She then walked off and I did something that made things even worse. I yelled at her, calling her a bitch and then I started kicking and punching their wooden fence that separates their front and back yard. I knocked down part of the fence and then I left. All of that happened last night and I feel like shit. Part of me wants to just give up on her and move on, but I also want to prove to her that I'm capable of changing. I want to promise her no more pranks along with trying to control my temper. What do you think I should do? tldr: Apologized to my girlfriend's family over a prank, girlfriend still broke up with me. \[Second Update\] ([https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9jpqz6/what\_kind\_of\_trouble\_can\_i\_get\_in\_for\_breaking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9jpqz6/what_kind_of_trouble_can_i_get_in_for_breaking/)) Long story short, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and her family last night. She's now my ex-girlfriend and I lashed out and broke down part of their wooden fence that separates the back and front yard. Her father hasn't contacted me about it, but I'm worried that he's going to come after me eventually. What kind of trouble can I get in? [Third Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9lmdgk/i_24m_cant_stop_thinking_about_my_exgirlfriend/) I'd rather not go into detail on this post, but the reason for the break up is on my profile and can be read there on another post. Simply put, I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. I can barely eat, sleep, or do anything that use to make me happy. Last night I watched my first ever hockey game and I was excited about that a few months ago, but now I don't even care. I spent the whole game thinking about my ex and how she broke up with me. She's all I think about right now and I feel like putting in one last effort in making her see that I'm a better man. What should I say to her? What can I do to get her to come back to Me? tldr: Wanting to get back with my ex-girlfriend. [Fourth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9pd8fy/i_have_an_idea_to_get_my_exgirlfriend_back_do_you/) For those who may or may not know, my girlfriend broke up with me because I pranked her and her family by dressing up as Bigfoot and ruining their camping trip, but I think that since some time has passed, my girlfriend might be of a cooler head and I was thinking of trying to win her back in a clever little way that involves the Bigfoot theme. My idea is to dress up as Bigfoot again, but not to scare anyone. I'm going to dress up, go into her backyard with an old stereo/CD player that still works, and play "Sorry" by Buckcherry. I'll play it loud enough for her to hear and I'm hoping she'll accept it and see it as a cute apology. I know it sounds a little cliche, the whole stereo outside the window thing, but I'm hoping that the Bigfoot costume might be a new little twist on it and it'll be my way of apologizing for the Bigfoot prank. What do you think? [Fifth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9pmwng/update_i_had_an_idea_to_get_my_exgirlfriend_back/) After reading through some of the responses from yesterday, I decided to just go for it and get it over with. I dressed up in the ruffled up Chewbacca costume, grabbed the stereo, and walked over to my girlfriend's house at nighttime. We live in the same neighborhood and there's a shortcut through a little stretch of woods that I take from my place to hers and that's the route I took last night. I climbed into their backyard and I stood in their grass, holding up the stereo while playing the song that I had intended, "Sorry" by Buckcherry. The problem is that the stereo was an old piece of shit that I dug up from my basement and the volume wasn't loud at all. It sounded muffled and I didn't want to risk moving closer to their house in case I was seen. But I wanted something to come from the night and I set down the stereo and peered into the window that I knew lead to my girlfriend's room. My girlfriend was just playing with her phone on her bed and I just stared into her room for a little while. I guess I was caught up in staring at her since I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and I didn't realize that I had been staring in their for a long time. I turned to leave, but I saw one of her neighbors out on their porch, looking directly at me and they were on their phone. My first thought was that they were probably calling the police and I panicked. I did something really stupid and tried to go in my girlfriend's house by pulling at their back green door, but her mom saw me trying to get in and she screamed. I then ran back towards the woods and I tried to pick up the stereo, but I really hurt my back while bending over, so I just left it in their backyard. The back pain was also shooting down my left leg and I had to limp away from the house and I limped through the woods back to my house while also cussing at myself over how fucked up my plan was. The worst part is that this morning, my girlfriend called me and left a message on my phone. She said that she knows it was me at her house and that she's only giving me one final warning before she talks to the police about harassment charges as well as a restraining order. She says that she's "never" getting back together me and she told me to move on. Now I'm really depressed, which is how I've been feeling in the past few weeks. I'm physically hurting from my back and leg pain, and I'm emotionally hurting from my girlfriend's words. I'm just really upset and pissed off. What should I do? [Sixth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ppoe2/my_exgirlfriend_is_threatening_a_restraining/) My ex-girlfriend left me a message on my phone threatening me with a restraining order. It's just a threat at this point, but I still want to know what happens to my record if she were to file one against me. Will it give me a criminal record and officially list me as a stalker? Is it something that appears in a background check? I just want to know how this'll affect things like me getting a job or something like that. Would this affect me nationally, or just in my hometown of Denver, Colorado? [Seventh Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9px6rr/my_exgirlfriends_dad_just_broke_my_property_and/) I won't go into detail, but I left a stereo of mine at my ex-girlfriend's house and this morning I got a text from her dad. It was a picture of the completely destroyed stereo next to a baseball bat and the message read "That's your head if you come near my house again." I want to know if I can actually take action against him for this. He destroyed my stereo and threatened to bash in my head with a baseball bat. What actions can I take? This is all taking place in Denver, Colorado. [Eighth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9pzu11/how_can_i_24m_move_on_from_my_exgirlfriend_23f/) I've spent the past few weeks thinking about how I can possibly get back together with my ex-girlfriend, I've decided to just move on. She doesn't ever want to get back with me and I've caused enough trouble with her family as a whole. I need to get over her and I don't know how. My older brother has a wedding in a few days and it being a romantic occasion is really going to mess with me emotionally, especially since me and my ex were planning on attending together. (It hurt even more to see that my ex was selling her dress and posting about it on Facebook) I can't get over the memories and all the time we've spent together and it hurts knowing that I lost her because of my immaturity and stupidity. How do I get over her? She's literally the only thing on my mind and it has to end. Help me out please. tldr: How to get over my ex-girlfriend. ​[Ninth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9tbfvf/my_exgirlfriends_dad_is_trying_to_charge_me_with/) I know that most people have seen my previous posts on here regarding me and the issues with my ex-girlfriend and her father. He's already threatened me violently and as of last night, he's called the cops on me and now I'm awaiting a court date here in Denver, Colorado. Here's a prior post to catch up: [https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9px6rr/my\_exgirlfriends\_dad\_just\_broke\_my\_property\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9px6rr/my_exgirlfriends_dad_just_broke_my_property_and/) Last night was obviously Halloween and while I normally don't trick or treat at my age, I ended up taking my little cousin out around the neighborhood while my parents and hers were at a Halloween party. I also figured that I would wear my Chewbacca costume since I wanted to dress up and I didn't have any other last minute costumes. We walked around our neighborhood for a little while and we ended up on the same block as my ex-girlfriend's house. I knew it was only an inevitability that we would cross her house, but I honestly wasn't worried about it. I figured that her dad may not even be out to see us and all I'm doing is trick or treating. We ended up walking by her house and of course, both of her parents were sitting by their garage with a bowl of candy to hand out. I tried to grab my cousin and make for the opposite direction, but it was too late. I heard my ex's dad yell "I see you!" and he clearly recognized me. I just grabbed my cousin and we made our way back to my house without looking back at my ex's house. We got home, but almost an hour later, the cops arrived and they told me that my ex's dad wants to press charges on me for stalking and harassment. I'm currently awaiting a court date and I think this is all bullshit. I didn't have any premeditated plans to go near their house, nor did I have any intent with their property. I was simply trick or treating with my cousin and we just happened to come across their home. The dad simply acts as if he's king of the block and he can dictate who walks in the area. What can I do to prepare for my court case? What arguments can I make? I wasn't stalking the house last night and I wasn't planning on doing anything. I simply walked by it while trick or treating and the dad threw a fit? What can I do? [Tenth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9tnzh4/my_exgirlfriend_23f_drunk_texted_me_last_night/) It's been a little over a month since my girlfriend broke up with me over a prank that was admittedly my fault. It was a dumb, immature move on my part and I've accepted the consequences. That being said, I'm now in serious legal trouble over what happen a couple of nights ago on Halloween. I ended up walking by her house while taking my cousin trick or treating and her dad saw me. He's now pressing charges for harassment and stalking and I'm awaiting my court date. Last night, my ex texted me and she was clearly drunk. A lot of her texts were either gibberish or in poor grammar, but I could make out what she was communicating. Basically, she was "celebrating" me having charges pressed against me and she was texting stuff like "I hope you rot in jail" and "LOCK HIM UP!" I responded with texts of my own. I called her names like cunt and bitch, but she obviously didn't seem phased. But simply sending her some mean texts isn't enough for me. I honestly think that she has some nerve to kick me while I'm down while all she has to do is just stay on the sidelines while daddy does all of the work. I've spent all day thinking about how I can get back at her over this. Part of me thinks that I should just wait until I'm done going to court, but I also want to strike back while the event is still fresh. I'm thinking of one final prank. What should I do? tldr: Ex texted me insults, want revenge. ***This is when the OP deleted his reddit and we will never know if he showed up to his court date in a bigfoot costume***

SquirrelGirlVA

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11a6uk7/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/

11a6uk7

Wife Inherits Money And Doesn't Tell Her Husband (Final Update)

CONCLUDED

This is a new update to a story previously shared here. Skip down to the 🔴🔴🔴 if you don't need the first 2 parts. Originally posted by u/wolfielove1 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Jan 29, '23, updated Feb 2, '23, New Update Feb 16th. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10opon8/i_didnt_tell_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I didn't tell my husband My partner 31M and I 25F are having our second child and he hasn't been working due to an in-work injury so for the last 2 going on 3 months it's been very stressful for us. My paternal aunt gave me half of what she got from selling my grandma's house, her mother. She inherited it last year due to my grandmother passing away and she's spent 6 months getting my moochers of a father and brother out of the house and fixing it up. We haven't spoken since the funeral and last week she called to meet for lunch and when I went she handed me a check worth over 200k. I didn't understand but she said my grandma thought of me as a daughter and I was the only one other than her that took care of her and my grandpa and while they didn't have the money to give me she sold the house and after talking to her husband decided I deserved half of it. My hormones were everywhere and she had to help me calm down because we were in so much debt I felt so thankful. She told me she wasn't giving anything to anyone else and would prefer for me not to tell anyone so I didn't. I put it in my account and once it cleared I began slowly paying off my husband's and my debt. I paid people back that had loaned us money, cleared our credit cards, paid our car off, put 10k in our daughter's savings account, and plan to make one for our second child when it's born. I didn't tell my husband because we have separate finances and have since we got together. He doesn't even know what our debts were or how far behind we were so I didn't think he would notice but he watches his credit and when he says that it went up and that I had received a letter from my community College that my debt was paid he asked me. I told him my aunt gave me money but not how much and he tried accessing my bank account when he couldn't get in he took my debit card without me knowing and went to an atm and saw the balance. He yelled at me for hiding it. I told him it doesn't matter because we were no longer in debt and we could finish our degrees. He walked out and hasn't spoken to me in 3 days. I requested a new debit card and changed my information regarding my account because now I don't trust him not to try to buy something. I admit I should have told him but it's not like he knows how much money I make from my job. I don't know what to do. Edit: Okay so reading the comments I need to answer some questions. 1. He doesn't like my family at all. I met him when I was a kid because he was my older brother's best friend. Things changed when we got together when I was 19 and they don't speak anymore. He avoids anything to do with my family. 2. Most of our relationship is great. We agreed to have 1 kid because I dreamed of being a mom. But during the pregnancy, he treated me like crap, and even after our daughter was born he continuously made me feel like a bad mom for asking him for help when I was exhausted and he just wanted to play games or drink. He only started helping and being supportive after being separated for a few months and us getting counseling. 3. He and my daughter both have my last name. 4. I wanted joint finances when we got married and he didn't. I was only in debt of 5k from my college at the time and he had some but he told me he had it covered. Which I found out he did not. 5. What I meant about him not knowing how much in debt we were is that he'd open credit cards in both our names and Max them out and then when he couldn't use them anymore he'd apply for more. I did not know this until hiring a firm to help get my credit up. They told me I could press charges or pay them off. I wanted to pay it off because he's my husband and even if he put us in debt I do love him. 6. We didn't want more children. He got into a fight with his sister and she did something she shouldn't have but he also refused to get snipped. We didn't find out I was pregnant until it was too late for another option. 7. We moved in with my mom to help us get things back on track and he got hurt at work yes I believe he is depressed but he's also blown all the money he had saved on video games, liquor, and pot. He didn't spend a dime on any of the debt he caused or for our daughter. He makes more than I do but with the way he spends his money, it's like we live on 1 income. 8. Do I trust him? Yes, I do in almost every way I can except for money and he's proven that again and again. I also have been giving him small portions of the money so he can still go and do things he wants to do. It's not like I'm just hoarding it away from him. I just didn't tell him that it wasn't from my paychecks like he assumed. 9. He has the pens to my debit card. Because while I didn't tell him about the money. I do let him use it when he needs to. *In the Comments:* I've tried multiple different birth controls and the side effects make it difficult. However, my doctor and I have decided to tie my tubes because I've had multiple miscarriages and high risk pregnancies. I didn't plan to have any more kids, but his sister poked holes in our condoms and by the time we found out I was pregnant we couldn't get an abortion in our state due to being past 6 weeks. His sister ruined that for us by poking hole in them after they got into an argument. I didn't react well to birth control and cause of my age a doctor won't make it more permanent. Not at all he didn't want more kids either but refuses to get snipped. It took me going to 4 different doctors to find someone that would do it. *Asked if they're still in contact with the SIL:* No we cut contact when we discovered I was pregnant. We told his family and she just laughed and threw it in our faces that she had the upper hand. We haven't spoke to her since we found out 6 months ago. [Update 3 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10rgxee/i_didnt_tell_my_husband_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I'm not sure if this is how you update but I figured I would go ahead and try. If you're watching my post thanks for the advice and even if some of the comments weren't that nice I'm still thankful. Over the last 3 days, I've spoken to my mom and my in-laws. My husband reached out to her that he didn't want to be with me anymore but it wasn't because of the money it was because he felt forced to get married and have a baby and even though we got pregnant with the second one because of his sister he still blames me. 6 years together and felt like he refused to talk about it. Even when we were in counseling. I asked his mom what he wanted to do because he wasn't answering my phone calls or messages and she said she sent him money for a plane ticket so he could go to her. I am heartbroken that she didn't tell him to try harder for his kids. After all his dad left him and his siblings. but I can't force him to stay and I have to think about them right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I spoke to a lawyer my friend used for his divorce yesterday and he's going to help me draw up a divorce plan. He said my husband can go after the money but he doesn't think he will. I'm filing for full custody and will be asking for a minimum in child support unless he wants to sign his rights over. I'm done being stupid and thinking he would grow up. I packed his things and hired a moving company to take them to his mom's house so all his stuff will be gone in a few days too. My first clue he didn't want our daughter was that she was not even crying asking where he is. She's just running around with me and my mom. I did send him a little bit of money for his travels and told his mom I'll send the divorce papers as soon as I get them. She just told me okay and hung up. So that's what's been happening the last few days. Haven't spoken to my soon-to-be ex-husband and I am now fully on my own since I was 19. I'm hoping everything goes good! Hopefully I don't have to update again. 🔴🔴🔴 [New Update Feb 16th](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1144dms/i_didnt_tell_my_husband_last_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Hey guys, I thought I wouldn't update again, but I figured I could just give a final update to everything. My almost fully divorced husband signed the papers my lawyer sent him, not the divorce papers but I guess papers to him agreeing to what I wanted and all he asked for was $2,000 so he could get his own car. He agreed to pay child support for our daughter and our now newborn son, who was born Saturday night. No one in his family asked for pictures or even his name, so I decided to block everyone I could find because they had no right to see him or my daughter. He agreed to give me full custody and told my lawyer he didn't want visitation or anything. I did move money to my newborns savings account, and I am making sure my name is off of the credit cards I paid off for him just in case he decides to use them again I won't be tied to it. My mom is the only person outside of my aunt and my husband who knows about the money, and as soon as I can go back to work, I plan on using some of it for a down payment to a house. My lawyer is going to help make sure my husband won't be able to have anything to do with it. If I have to wait longer, I will, but at the moment, that's my plan. My daughter is so in love with her brother, and my mom is helping me the way I wished he would've helped. The rest of my money I have put in a separate account for emergencies. I'm also reached out to my advisors at my college, and I'm planning to start school again in August. I only had 1 year to finish, but I had my daughter and wasn't able to go back, so I'm hoping everything works out. My lawyer said it could take a few months for this to be finished but he said since my husband isn't fighting or changing anything that we wanted it shouldn't be over a year. Also I forgot, the money wasn't technically an inheritance. My aunt gave it to me and wrote it off as a gift. It was her inheritance not mine. She just felt like I deserved it for caring for my grandpa and grandma. So in the US if he wanted to fight for it he legally could get half. *Flairing this concluded as OOP has started the divorce process, has a solid plan for the money, and has indicated this is her final post on the matter.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ady4g/wife_inherits_money_and_doesnt_tell_her_husband/

11ady4g

AITA for calling my mom when my husband refused to listen to me?

ONGOING

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Even-String-3530](https://www.reddit.com/user/Even-String-3530/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. This was the top voted AITA post last week. I edited a few things for clarity. Fun fact to avoid spoilers on mobile: u/Healing_touch and u/harrysaxon requested pangolins. Pangolins are the only mammal in the world to be covered in scales, and they can eat up to 70 million insects a year. Though they may look somewhat like armadillos, they are more closely related to cats, dogs and bears! **Trigger Warnings:** >!Discussion of severe pregnancy issues/symptoms; concussion; infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Mom for the win!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11374y5/aita_for_calling_my_mom_when_my_husband_refused/)**: February 15, 2023** I (26f) recently moved into my first home. I am also 4 months pregnant with our first baby. The pregnancy has been very hard. I have horrible morning sickness. It reached a really bad point where I passed out hit my head and my Dr admitted me to the hospital for a week. When I got home my husband allowed his brothers family to move into 2 of our 3 bedrooms. (They were evicted i don't know why). One room was my office was tossed into our room papers every where. The house was a complete wreck. Trash, dirty clothes, used diapers. I started to cry. It was like a light flipped my husband was no longer the same. My husband told me it "wasn't that bad". My reply was "fine then you should have the house cleaned up before I wake up." Completely exhausted I fell asleep for 4 hrs. I woke up and went to get a drink of water. I couldn't every glass we own is scattered around the house. They didn't clean a single thing. I passive aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and washed them. The following morning. I was trying my best to work when their kids were crying non stop. Banging on the walls so on. Their mom was in her room for hours ignoring them. When my husband came home. He was upset with me over how I didn't make his brother's wife feel welcome in our home. By helping with their kids when she was tired. Then continued to complain how nothing was done while he was at work all day in the house. Yep the same one he didn't clean. That lead to a fight where I told him. "I am too sick to have company and they need to leave". To which he replied they are his family and he won't kick them out. I started to cry again. I was beyond frustrated, exhausted, I physically couldn't do it anymore. I called my mom asking if I could come stay with her. Telling her the whole story in front of my husband. Who at this point was completely shocked, angry, also I could tell he wasn't sure what to do. My mom came with my brother's (I have 3 older brothers). My mom super angry told my husband. "Since your family can stay so can we." My mom quickly took charge. I was sent to bed. My brother's started cleaning complaining loudly at how disgusting my BIL family is. Along with what a horrible husband my husband is for putting me through this while I am sick. I got a text message from my MIL for calling me an A for not helping my husband clean up the house and putting my BIL in a uncomfortable position by having my mom boss him around. ***OOP is immediately voted NTA and many people express concern for her health and safety*** ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has your husband always been like this?* "He has always been very respectful. It was like a switch went off and he is no longer acting like the loving person I know he is around his brother." "This is the first time but, I have a huge family support system. If I choose to leave I can and have the love and help I need." *An ER nurse weighs in and OOP asks a question/elaborates on what happened:* "I have a question. So I passed out hit my head on the sink. I remember looking up at the paramedic in the ambulance. Then I don't remember anything else until I was in the ER and a doctor was talking to me. Then again when I was taken to a room. Is it normal to remember small pieces like this and have gaps with a head injury?" "Yes my husband was in the ER. He also took emergency leave from work. It was tense in the hospital. He did stay most of the time but went home once a day for a couple of hours to shower and eat." "When I was in the hospital the Dr called it something. I was still hazy from hitting my head. So I have to ask again. I do know he is super concerned that I lost 40 lbs. I am supposed to start IV's at home but I am waiting for my insurance. The biggest problem is I am tired I feel like I have no strength at all. I feel shaky as I stand up and walk. When I try and explain it. I feel like people think I am over exaggerating how bad morning sickness makes me feel." *OOP definitely has a concussion:* "Ok I do know I have a concussion. The Dr didn't fully release me to go back to work full time. I can do light stuff nothing that is really mind challenging" *What has your mom said so far?* "My mom has made it very clear they are not to bother me. This includes my husband." "I can hear my husband saying "I'm sorry" over and over again to my mom." **Update Comments from OOP in real time an hour later:** 1. "Sister in-law just went Into the bedroom and closed the door. My MIL just showed up so I am waiting until my mom sees her." 2. "MIL yelling/talking to my mom outside but I had a hard time hearing what was said. Once my MIL walked inside. She got super angry. I heard her yell at my SIL to get out of her bedroom and clean up after her kids. I am sure there will be more it's only been a little bit" 3. "Yes. Yes my BIL is the one who texted her and he lied. Yep, all sorts of crap happening now. MIL didn't know he was evicted. Didn't know the house was this bad. Didn't know her grandkids look like they haven't seen a bath in months. (Her words not mine.) All the while his wife is on her phone in the bedroom refusing to come out. I should probably read more AITA in case she is doing the same thing I am. Lol. My mom came Into my room and asked me what I want to eat. She said she would make anything that sounds good. But emphasized only for me." 4. "Anytime anyone tries to come to my door my mom yells at them to get away. I am resting and i cant be bothered. I have not spoken to my husband. My mom is still cooking but I asked for her chicken soup." **Update (Same Post): February 16, 2023 (next day)** Edited to add update, when my MIL showed up she was super angry outside. I could hear shouting but, couldn't understand what was said. Once inside she was shocked. My house looked really bad. My BIL lied to her about what happened. My MIL quickly started to help my mom in the bossing mode. My house is not just cleaned but deep cleaned. My BIL and his kids are now staying with MIL. She didn't know about the eviction. My in-laws helped them financially a couple of months ago. My MIL was not happy about it. SIL refused to come out of the bedroom. She would scream through the door but that was about it until her family came to pick her up. Last little bit. I did talk to my husband. He seemed very remorseful. I asked for some space he is staying at a hotel. He asked to come by and talk to me tonight. My mom and dad are here. Both mom's felt like I should have someone here since I am sick. Both moms have set up a meal plan. Where they trade off who will bring in dinner. It was my MIL idea. Thank you for all your advice. I truly appreciate it. **Edit: missed this one-** ***Update about husband:*** Talk with husband: summed up since it lasted 4 hrs. it was a hard talk. He is remorseful. Bil was only supposed to stay for a couple of nights. Then leave originally he thought they would be gone before I got home. He said he is tired and emotionally upset himself. When I originally passed out. My husband left to help a friend move. He came home and found me. He said he has no idea how long I was on the floor hurt. He was originally scared I had died. Since then he has had nightmares. On top of dealing with his family drama. He admitted to dumping his frustration onto me. When it's not my fault. He begged me for another chance. The next steps. We are still separated. He plans on staying at my brother house in his casita. We are going to go to marriage counseling and Individual counseling. He asked if he could come when the home health nurse comes each night and to my Dr's appointments. I agreed to that. ***What BIL told his mom:*** "Summed up. that they were only hanging out/ visiting. That the mess they made was small and I freaked out and called my mom to come yell at them. Over something that could be cleaned up in 5 mins. My husband said he thinks my BIL said that because he worried the truth would get back to my MIL and they were already having problems." ***More about SIL:*** "SIL is out of it but, I did find out a little bit from a mutual friend and a little bit from my MIL. Sil is over their finances. She worked part time and decided to quit her job without talking to brother in law First. But kept taking the kids to my inlaws house. When things came out about her job. My inlaws gave them some money to get them by until she was supposed to find another job. She did not find another job. She made it clear she doesn't want to work. At that time my MIL stopped watching her kids. Since she was not working. That really upset my SIL. Mutual friend says she pulled away from their friend group about 6 months ago when she started hanging around some local college guys. I don't know why she switched friend groups but, everyone thought it was weird. That's what I know." **Update 2 (Same Post): February 17** Update on BIL: his wife admitted to having and affair. She told him she got married too soon and doesn't want the responsibilities of being a mom anymore. I am not sure what will happen with him and his kids but, I am shocked that she feels this way especially with her kids. ***OOP has a few more comments on her post that are more recent, but they don't give a lot of new information so I decided to post now with the main updates. Overall she seems to be doing ok health-wise.***

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11aiv0j/aita_for_calling_my_mom_when_my_husband_refused/

11aiv0j

AITA for telling my sister's friends that I have a boyfriend?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/show-man1234 in r/AmItheAsshole on Feb 15, '23, updated Feb 17th. Trigger Warning: >!homophobia!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/113erxo/aita_for_telling_my_sisters_friends_that_i_have_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) AITA for telling my sister's friends that I have a boyfriend? I (29M) have been with my boyfriend "Rob" (31M) for just over a year. We are out to our families and friends as a couple. I came out at 22 years old. My younger sister "Sarah" (24F) announced her pregnancy to immediately family two months ago. My mom (55F) and Sarah have been planning her gender reveal party ever since. It's a grand occasion with nearly every person she's ever known plus our entire family. It's all being funded by my mother since Sarah's her golden child. My siblings and I were supportive of all the fanciness since it's the first grandkid in the family. I received my official invitation over text two weeks ago. In that message, Sarah said I would be free to bring Rob as she knows that we're basically inseparable and that he's practically a part of the family now. I replied that I would be coming and bringing Rob. Fast forward two weeks to last night, the big night. Rob and I got to the party a little early to help set up like my mom had asked us to do. As soon as we entered the house, Sarah ushered us off to the side and quietly asked us to "not act so couple-y tonight." I was kind of shocked but I thought it was because she didn't want anything to overshadow her big day. Rob seemed kind of annoyed but we agreed to not do anything "embarrassing" and started to help Mom set up. Everything went okay for an hour or so and then we sat down to eat. Rob and I sat across from this girl and guy who apparently were a couple. We started talking and really hit it off. At some point, the guy made a joke, something along the lines of "Hey, you better not be flirting with my girlfriend!". I laughed and joked back, saying that I wouldn't want to start a fight with my boyfriend. We laughed about it. I noticed Sarah getting up from the head of the table and storming over. She asked to talk to me and pulled me away from the table to whisper-yell at me for telling her friends that Rob and I were dating after she "asked me not to". I was confused and said that she asked us to not act "couple-y" but not pretend that we aren't one. She got mad and told me that it was the same thing. I asked what was so wrong with a couple of friends finding out about my relationship. She said it was because she "didn't want her friends to know that her baby would be raised around the LGBT." At that point I was stunned. She has never been anything but supportive of me. I left her standing there and went back to the table. The couple sitting across from us asked why we were leaving so soon and I told them that "my sister didn't want a couple of gay guys around her kid so I'm just respecting her wishes a little early". We grabbed our stuff and left. My phone has been blowing up with texts. Sarah cusses me out for leaving the party and "disobeying" her wishes and Mom begs to know why I left early. At this point, I don't care about Sarah or her kid but I feel like I should have just apologized and shut up instead of causing a ton of drama. So... AITA?? *In the comments:* Her fiance's family is very pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ, anti-gun. I don't get where her sudden homophobia is coming from. [Update 2 days later](https://www.reddit.com/user/show-man1234/comments/115016k/update_aita_for_telling_my_sisters_friends_i_have/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Thanks for all the comments and advice, everyone. Rob and I really appreciate it. Yesterday morning I had a phone call with Mom where I told her everything that Sarah had said. She was appalled and told me she was sorry before hanging up and telling every family member she has contact with. My phone has been blowing up with texts from everyone ever since. The family is divided in three sides: mine, hers, or both of us suck. I have had many texts asking why I would want to "flaunt" my gayness at a party that is supposed to showcase the "normal" way, traditional straight couples and having kids via pregnancy. I had a sit-down at my house with Rob, Mom, and Sarah this morning. Sarah arrived in tears and refused to look at me. I finally convinced her to talk when I asked her "I want to know why you said what you said." She looked at me and told me that she was sorry but didn't want any gay guys around her kid. I asked her why. "Because I'm afraid it'll turn my baby gay. I don't want them to get bullied." Rob laughed and told her she was an idiotic bitch and left the room. I was incredibly upset as well but I stayed for a minute to tell her that she was wrong, that you cannot be "turned" gay. that you are simply born gay. I told her to think about it and let me know if she still thought that way. If she thought about it and did, I'd be no-contact with her for the foreseeable future. I told her I still loved her but that boundaries needed to be set as she had hurt and disrespected my partner and me. Both of them left. I spent a long time consoling Rob. I also want to note that I did in fact tell my youngest, gossipy brother about it all right after I told Mom. He says he never wants to be involved with Sarah again. I feel so bad that I'm dividing the family. Just a few minutes ago, I got a call from Sarah who said that she was very sorry. She had discussed it with her fiance and he had reiterated everything that I had said about being born gay. She told me that she had "allowed fear to control her senses". I asked her if she would still love the kid if they turned out LBGTQ+. She said absolutely. She begged me to reconsider going no-contact as she wanted Rob and me to be a part of her kid's life. I told her that I would be going low contact as she had still hurt us, but I would be available if she needs me. I told her that if she disrespects us or our relationship again I will go no-contact. She agreed and asked to apologize to Rob. He listened to her and agreed to be in the baby's life but he told me that he will not socialize with her unless absolutely necessary. I agreed. I have come to the conclusion that if Rob and I get married we will elope. If we adopt a child/children, or even a pet, she will not be alone with them ever. I do not trust her completely, but I do still love her. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11asrr4/aita_for_telling_my_sisters_friends_that_i_have_a/

11asrr4

Company pressure OOP house by accident. Wants payment. [Small.]

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ Responsible-Floor281 in /r/legaladvice ** --- &nbsp; [**Company pressure cleaned my house by accident. Wants payment. Florida**](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/11356gw/company_pressure_cleaned_my_house_by_accident/) - Feb 15 2023 I came home to my driveway and home pressure washed. The company had completed and had left prior to me arriving. They came to the wrong house. Im 123 fake street and they were supposed to be on 123 fake ave. Both houses look nearly identical. They came to my door a few days later and left a bill for $450. I called them and explained I never ordered services and to please produce a signed contract. Their response was they will place a lien on my home and sue me. I will show up to any court date. But how do I prevent them from placing a lien? EDIT: Thank you for all the replies. Will give an update when things happen. &nbsp; [**https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/114a8yp/update_company_pressure_cleaned_my_house_by/**](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/114a8yp/update_company_pressure_cleaned_my_house_by/) - Feb 17 2023 Well it's resolved. It was not a scam attempt. A company had purchased about 20 homes in my neighborhood for rental investment and wanted them cleaned. It's a neighborhood in which nearly every home looks the same just reversed. I found that out, as earlier today, the property manager came to my home thinking it was also one of their rentals due to gps misdirection. We chatted and I explained the issue I was having with the company they hired to pressure wash. He got on his phone(speakerphone) and called the company owner. Basically telling the owner they cleaned the wrong home and had put the investment group at potential liability for damage and why were they trying to charge me. The owner immediately backed down and apologized for the misunderstanding. The property manager apologized and said he would note in the system to be on the correct street when visiting the correct home. Well that's that. My stress level has been slightly reduced. Thank you reddit lawyers and arm chair lawyers. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Throwawayaccount-4

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11axcrf/company_pressure_oop_house_by_accident_wants/

11axcrf

I told my fiancée that I don't really want to marry her anymore

ONGOING

**Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster** Original Posted on February 6, 2023 by [u/](https://www.reddit.com/user/uhmdontknowwhattosay/)[Valuable-Shoe-7876](https://www.reddit.com/user/Valuable-Shoe-7876/) in r/TrueOffMyChest Updated Posted on February 15, 2023 Original - posted 18 days ago [I told my fiancée that I don't really want to marry her anymore](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/10vpw1k/i_told_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_i_dont_really_want_to/) We were visiting a botanical garden yesterday when Sarah pointed out a flower called the "Arabian Jasmine," a little white flower with a nice scent. She said that her cousin Stephanie had those at her wedding. I asked if it was the same Stephanie that would be in attendance with her husband at our wedding, and she said it was. Sarah and Stephanie are apparently pretty close, and she started telling me about Stephanie and her husband. At one point, she told me that Stephanie had actually cheated on her husband twice before they got married, and that the second time was a couple of months before the actual wedding. Her husband never found out. I asked her why she never told Stephanie's husband what happened, and she responded by saying that it "wasn't \[her\] circus, wasn't \[her\] monkeys" and that it's not that big of a deal anyway since they weren't married at the time. I've been thinking about what she said ever since. I consider cheating the ultimate, worst betrayal in a relationship. Clearly, my fiancée doesn't think so since she said her cousin cheating "wasn't that big of a deal since they weren't married." Would this mean that she thinks cheating on me right now wouldn't be that big of a deal since we aren't married yet? As a man, if I got cheated on by my partner, I hope someone who knew about it would tell me. I would heavily judge anyone who knew about it, didn't tell me, let me go on to marry the person that cheated on me, and attended my wedding as if nothing was wrong. Like my fiancée did to her cousin's husband. About an hour ago, I texted my fiancée "I'm not sure if I can go forward with getting married. Let's talk in person later tonight." She's been blowing up my phone with texts and missed calls ever since. I'm just going to tell her what I've said in this post when I see her. &#x200B; Update - posted 9 days ago [Update: I told my fiancée that I don't really want to marry her anymore](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/113b43g/update_i_told_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_i_dont_really_want/) I had a conversation with my fiancée Sarah. We've decided to think things over on our own for a couple weeks and decide what we'll do next. If we do get married, we'll probably end up postponing the wedding. I found out from Sarah that her cousin Stephanie's husband, "Lars," is an attending musculoskeletal radiologist at a local hospital. I texted Lars over the weekend, introduced myself as Sarah's fiancée, and asked if I could have a conversation with him on phone. We called a couple of times between Monday and yesterday. I let him know that I wasn't telling him what to do, and that I did not have any receipts, but that I just felt an obligation as a human being to inform him of something that I felt he should know. I told him what Sarah told me: about his now-wife cheating two months before his wedding, and the name of who she did it with. When he found out, Lars went quiet for a little while and said he was "shocked and devastated." It turns out that who Stephanie cheated with is a coworker of hers that Lars had met, and that they've attended work and dinner parties together in the past. Throughout our conversation, he kept asking for details on what happened: where it occurred, why she did it, who else knew, and so forth. I u, unfortunately,Markidn't have answers to most of his questions, but he still thanked me profusely for telling him what happened when no one else did. Part of why I sympathize with Lars is personal. Lars is originally from Denmark and came here for college after high school. My own Scandinavian father came here from Norway for undergrad and ended up becoming a lawyer here. He married my mom, an American woman, had me and my siblings, and provided us with the best life any husband and father could possibly provide his family. I couldn't imagine Lars doing the same for a woman who cheated on him and kept it a secret for years. I have no regrets. My fiancée, her cousin, and their family were the only family that Lars had in this country. I couldn't imagine him coming to this country for opportunity and working hard for 13 years to become a physician only to marry a disloyal wife and be deceived and betrayed by the very people he thought he could trust. I couldn't imagine living a lie like that for years, no matter how blissful the lie. Lars had a right to make an informed decision as to whether or not he wants to stay in his marriage. If Lars and Stephanie get divorced now, it would be Lars rightfully ending his own marriage based on the information he now knows, not me ending it of my own volition. &#x200B; Marking **ONGOING** as OOP did not update on the aftermath. Hopefully we get more information later on!

throwRA1a2b3c4d1

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11b6wh1/i_told_my_fiancée_that_i_dont_really_want_to/

11b6wh1

AITA for going on a vacation with my wife's family instead of my own?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/a-water-pls](https://www.reddit.com/user/a-water-pls/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/RachMeliss requested blue sea dragons. Blue Sea Dragons grow to about 1.2 inches long (3 cm.) However, they are able to eat larger prey such as the Portuguese Man O'War. They store the stinging cells from their prey in their bodies, allowing them to fend off predators! **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!overall positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10z5ieg/aita_for_going_on_a_vacation_with_my_wifes_family/)**: February 10, 2023** Background: my family has always been well-off. And by that, I mean like we would take family vacations two to three times per year. It's still like that now, but I've noticed a difference in how my family acts now that my (F27) wife (F24) and I are married. About three weeks ago, my dad booked a trip to Italy. Everyone was excited, the family gc was lit up for days following the announcement. I called my dad and talked to him for a while and eventually I thanked him for including my wife who'd always felt left out. There was a slight pause and he told me that he booked the rest of the available seats on that particular flight and there was only enough for him, my mother, grandparents, my sister + her husband, and me. He booked it without even taking my wife into consideration. Now I know what a lot of people would think that it was just a mistake but I don't think so given the fact that my wife has been excluded in other ways before and if it were a mistake, he'd do everything he could to change it before even announcing the vacation. My heart sunk. I looked at my wife who could tell something was off and I told my dad to just give my seat to someone else because if she wasn't included, I wasn't going. In the past, I was able to include my wife myself but I was tired of us being singled out. They never did that to my sister and her husband, they've always included them as a couple. But when it comes to my wife and I, we've always had to figure our own way into the mix as if we weren't to be taken seriously. I'm not doing that now and I drew the hard line in the sand this time. This man had the audacity to say that her and I could book our own flight and just, you know, *meet them there*. I simply said "absolutely not" then hung up. Needless to say, my wife was in tears. She was upset, but she was glad that I was sticking by her. A couple of days went by and we decided to go on our own vacation to a much humbler location (large rental cabin) with her family, who are all downright amazing. Well...my family found out and they have not stopped blowing up my phone. My mom called me one night during all this and said that I was being unreasonable and that there's no way I couldn't just book a separate flight and instead book an entirely different vacation with her family. I explained to her that that wasn't the point, that the point was that they have excluded my wife from every family-related event ever since we got married which always put me in the position to fix it. My mom basically called me crazy and that I was overthinking a simple mistake on my dad's part. For some reason, I'm starting to think that maybe I am overthinking it and that I should just talk with my dad to see if excluding my wife was intentional (which was another point my mom brought up). AITA? **Edit: February 11, 2023** Wow, thank you so so much for the overwhelming support! We went to bed and then woke up to almost 200 notifications, that's crazy! My wife and I sat down a couple of hours ago and had a discussion about what our next steps should be. We've both agreed that we're going to have a family meeting with my family this Monday and confront them head-on. We feel that this is the best way to handle this situation and we honestly just need answers directly from them. As for the comments, a lot of you brought up gaslighting and how it causes rifts in families so we're going to learn more about it to better protect ourselves. I made a vow to my wife when we got married that I'd put her first and make her my priority and I'm sticking to it. Again, thank you so much for all of your support and hopefully I can make an update post to fill you guys in on everything. Greatest wishes! ***Relevant Comments:*** *About family wealth:* "Okay so my family is well-off financially mainly because of generational inheritance. It started with my great grandfather (mom's side) who owned a bunch of properties + land. Over time, investments kept getting bigger and bigger and then one of the plots of land was sold for a LOOTT of money for suburban neighborhoods to be built. We're talking like a mile of land. My family has had steady high income ever since I was born and I think their deal is the fact that I married a woman and we're not planning on having a family to pass down anything to. But my sister and her husband have been actively trying to have kids for the past year now and every time they're around, my parents talk inheritance to some degree. That's just my suspicions and my wife backs me on it. I feel like when my parents are eventually gone, shits gonna get ugly." *A sweet comment by OOP:* "What's funny is that if that's the case with them, I'd still be well-off, I literally don't even need the inheritance lol my sister and her husband do. And even then, my wife is more important than any dollar bill ever printed and I'd rather take that to my grave tbh." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/115xv1s/update_aita_family_vacation/)**: February 18, 2023** First off, thank you all for the positivity! It's been amazing seeing so much support! We didn't post an update yesterday since it was Valentine's Day so we're posting it today. We had a family meeting at our house on Monday, and it was interesting. I started with reminding my dad what he did, how it matched up to all the other times, how it made her and I feel, and how his and my mom's reactions made us feel. I told him that my wife is my everything and what we do, we do together. Our marriage is just as valid. You either want us in your life or you don't and lately your actions have told us the ladder. Then, I brought up gaslighting. We did some digging the previous night - watched videos and read articles to better understand it. I explained to them what it was, how they did it, and how it made us feel. My conclusion was my reasoning for planning the separate vacation with my wife's family. My sister started crying. She apologized for not saying anything and not paying attention. Her husband was upset as well. My sister said "you have to book a different flight, dad" to which I pointed out that it was too late - our vacation was already booked and we couldn't bail on it. My sister said "well then we're not going to Italy, then. You two (mom and dad) can go, but we're not. I feel horrible now." Cue argument between parents and my sister. My wife and I sat there with our mouths hung open until my sister + her husband got up and left. [My suspicions](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10z5ieg/comment/j81rvjb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **(editor- link to comment about wealth that I included above)** were right. The reason why my wife and I were being treated unfairly was because of inheritance fears. Their explanation was that they didn't want inheritance "getting into the wrong hands" so they wanted to dote on my sister + her husband "to ensure that it won't" (their actual words). That right there confirmed everything because they basically said "yes we treat your sister + her husband better and we're driving it home with the inheritance." It ended with my parents leaving angry - not at their actions, but the fact that they were getting called out. From this point on, we will be going low contact with my parents and maybe try to amend things between my sister + her husband. We will not attend gatherings/events if one/both of us feel excluded. We will demand that we be treated just as seriously. We now know our boundaries and we will set them. It was a very heartbreaking experience and we were disgusted at the whole thing, we still are. Right now, we just have to take this time to move forward. I doubt we'll be able to make any more updates beyond this, but again we wanted to thank you all for the advice, love, and support! We truly appreciate it! This was a throwaway but I think I'm going to keep this account up but just not save the login info. Thank you so so much and best wishes!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11beeov/aita_for_going_on_a_vacation_with_my_wifes_family/

11beeov

My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA-wife-sister in r/relationship_advice** The [first update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10m00ag/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/) has been previously posted on BuRu, but there was a second update since then. trigger warnings: >!sexual assault / harassment!< --- &nbsp; [**My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10erhdn/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/) - 17. Jan. 2023 Sorry for how long this is, tl;dr at the bottom. As the title says, my wife’s sister made a pass at me at a recent family gathering and I have no idea what to do. For context, I think my wife “Jenna” is absolutely gorgeous but she has some really negative body image issues. This is in large part because of her sister “Mary” who is very conventionally attractive, as opposed to Jenna’s more unconventional but (imo) striking beauty. Mary was a successful model until a couple years ago and now works in the fashion industry. In our early days of dating when I would tell Jenna she’s beautiful, she would always say “just wait until you see my sister”. When I did finally meet her family, she would randomly press me for weeks to talk about her sister, whether I thought she was more attractive than her, etc. I always told her the truth, that I think Mary is attractive in a boring way, and that I think my wife is much more beautiful and interesting to look at. She wouldn’t let it go until I confronted her about how uncomfortable it made me and asked her what was going on. This is when she told me that she always had a chip on her shoulder about her looks because of being compared with her sister growing up. They fell into the classic “smart one/pretty one” dynamic their whole lives. She also said Mary had a habit of being flirty with all of her exes, and warned me that it would happen to me eventually. She then started sobbing and begging me to not cheat on her with her sister, to which I forcefully said I would never cheat on her with anyone, let alone her sister. I’ve been crazy about my wife since day 1 and there’s literally no woman on earth who could come close to her. I honestly didn’t believe her about the flirting at first, I assumed it was just an extension of her insecurity, but I was wrong. Whenever we get together with my wife’s family, Mary always finds ways to touch me and make little innuendos/comments about me or my body. It’s super uncomfortable for everyone, especially my wife, and I’ve called her out on it before. She’ll cool it for a while but eventually start doing it again. It’s been six years of this, and every time it happens my wife is upset for days and I have to do a lot of reassuring. Onto the current problem. A few days ago we were at my MIL’s birthday party, and Mary asked me to help her grab some things from the garage. As soon as we walked into the garage, she turned and pressed me up against the door with her whole body and started trying to kiss me. I immediately pushed her off and asked her what the fuck she was doing. She started giggling and saying she was just “doing what we both have been thinking” and kept insisting “you know you want to”. I told her she was out of her mind and ran out of there. I went straight to my wife and told her we were leaving. The whole ride home she was asking me what was wrong, I wasn’t sure whether to tell her because I knew how much it was going to hurt but I also thought Mary would probably try to spin it as me making a move on her so I knew I had to just say it. I told her everything and she cried the whole way home. For the last several days Mary has been calling and texting my wife doing exactly what I thought she would do, even telling my wife that I said she (Mary) was “the hottest girl I’ve ever seen”, which I had to assure my wife a million times that I did not and would never say even though she believes my account of the situation. She’s been a complete wreck the last several days, she’s hardly eating, she pulls away from my touch when I try to hug her or just hold her hand, she says she feels “hideous” and “disgusting” and I don’t know what to do. This is the lowest I have ever seen her, and it hurts to see how much she’s hurting. I have no idea what to do to help her heal from this. Reddit, what should I do? Tl;dr: My wife’s sister tried to kiss me, and this is triggering deep-set body image insecurities for my wife. How do I help her? &nbsp; [**Update: My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10g9txs/update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss/) - 19. Jan 2023 I got a few requests for updates so here it is. I first want to thank everyone so much for your advice. It was extremely helpful and gave me a lot to think about. I’m especially thankful for the folks that asked me how I was doing. I realized that I have literally never had a chance to check in with myself after these things happen, and I’ve actually been holding a lot of frustration and resentment about it all. I’ve been harassed for years and it has either been brushed off or it’s been eclipsed by the impact it has on my wife. I don’t blame her for it, but this has been a good lesson in me not burying my feelings for the sake of others, even for her. I also want to clarify a couple of things that came up. Several people asked about how my wife’s family feels about all this, and I explained in a comment that her parents are toxic and treat Mary as the golden child, even though my wife is a freaking neuroscientist, amazingly talented musician, speaks three languages fluently and another two conversationally… my wife and her family are seriously the only people who don’t seem to understand how exceptional she is. I remember meeting one of my wife’s family friends and talking to them about her research, and they said, “oh wow, her parents just told us she works at a university.” Whereas my parents literally introduce her as “the family genius” to everyone. It makes me so fucking angry to think about how her asshole family has stolen her shine her whole life. She’s literally a Renaissance woman but all they care about is looks and money. Some folks asked me why I would ever put myself in a situation alone with Mary given everything she’s done. I have no good answers for that other than I never thought she would actually try to do anything. That possibility just didn’t exist in my head. I realize now that I should’ve seen this would happen eventually, and that I should’ve been less concerned with keeping the peace and more concerned with shutting Mary’s shit down before it escalated to this point. Hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, onto the update. The night I posted, I told my wife that if she wanted to try to repair her relationship with her sister I would respect that, but that I don’t feel comfortable being around her for the foreseeable future. I said Mary has obviously been deeply jealous of my wife her whole life because she is a hollow, ugly person whose entire value has an expiration date while my wife actually has substance. I said that I think her whole family is toxic and has done nothing but put her down her whole life, but that only she can decide whether she still wants them in her life. I also told my wife that while I don’t blame her for her emotional reaction, her insecurity is something that she needs to work on for our relationship to be healthy. What Mary did was sexual assault and she’s been sexually harassing me for years, but I have consistently put aside my own feelings about this problem because of how it affects her, and that has prevented me from getting the support that I need, too. I told her that her reaction only serves to punish herself and me for her sister’s behavior, and there’s no reason to give her that kind of power. I also told her something that a commenter said that really resonated with me: the only people who have ever considered her second best are her and her family. Everyone else sees her for who she really is. She was crying the whole time and agreed that she needed to go to therapy to work on her insecurity. We were able to find a therapist who specializes in body image/self-esteem issues to work with her individually, and we’re looking for a couples therapist too. My wife sent a message to her parents and sister that explained exactly what happened and told them she would reach out to them if she ever feels ready to repair their relationship. We blocked all of them everywhere but Mary has of course been spamming my family and our friends with nonsense, claiming I attacked her, I’m a drug addict, I abuse my wife, all kinds of bullshit that thankfully nobody believes. My wife is still down in the dumps but I can see that things are getting a little better. She’s eating and sleeping more and she’s cuddling with me in the mornings again which is nice. Now I’m planning a surprise getaway for us this weekend. We’re going to one of our favorite places and I’m going to wine and dine her and try to make her feel like the goddamn queen she is. I want to thank you all again for your help. You really helped me understand the severity of the problem and again, thanks for helping me connect with my own feelings about all this. Y’all are the best. Tl;dr: Wife & I are going to therapy. We’re going no contact with her family for the foreseeable future. I’m going to woo the hell out of my wife this weekend. &nbsp; [**(Hopefully) Final Update: My (37M) wife’s (34F) sister (29F) tried to kiss me and now my wife is spiraling. Help me.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-wife-sister/comments/10r4sm2/hopefully_final_update_my_37m_wifes_34f_sister/) - 1. Feb. 2023 So I guess my original posts got reposted onto TikTok and some other subs here on Reddit so I’ve been getting tons of messages asking for updates. It feels like things are mostly settled, and I’m really hoping this will be my final update. First I want to say that I’ve gotten so many questions about who Mary is, and I’m just not going to say. Suffice it to say that she’s never been household name famous, but she made a living solely on modeling for about a decade from what I understand, so she must have been popular enough that fashion people might know her. I really don’t know how that whole world works. But imo it doesn’t matter how many names you drop, you’re not famous if you don’t have a Wikipedia page. Also got lots of comments that (mostly) jokingly called me a simp, and I can’t argue with that. I totally am a simp for my wife. She’s the coolest. I hope you all find a love that makes you feel this way! Okay, I think that’s it. Here is the actual update. My wife loved the getaway weekend, we had a blast and by the end of it she said she felt like herself again. For a few days after we got back things were really quiet, so we were hopeful that Mary had finally given up, but I felt uneasy about it all. Many of you warned me that Mary would try to interfere with my work and while I initially dismissed it, I figured I would reach out to my boss just in case. I’ve been working at the same company for almost 10 years and she’s heard me vent about Mary before so I didn’t have to explain too much. My boss just reassured me that she knows my real character and would let me know if Mary tried anything. As you predicted, Mary did try to contact my boss a couple of days later, and the following is a recounting of what my boss told me. Apparently Mary said that I needed to be fired because I was a predator and claimed to have “proof” that I assaulted her. My boss said that was a very serious accusation to make and asked Mary to explain what proof she had. Mary claimed there was a camera that caught the whole incident, and my boss asked her to send the video. Then Mary got flustered and said the police had it, so my boss asked her to send over a copy of the police report. Then Mary said it had a lot of private information in it, so my boss asked her to redact the private information and send it over. Then Mary said she didn’t feel comfortable with that, and my boss told her that she could not take action against an employee based on word of mouth from a stranger. Then Mary shouted at her about victim blaming and hung up. Unfortunately that was not the end of it. Last Wednesday, Mary somehow sent an email from my personal email account with a dick pic (not mine obviously) to the entire office. My best guess is that I must have left my email logged in on one of my in-laws’ devices, she’s definitely not smart enough to actually hack me. And I know this is completely beside the point, but of course she chose the weirdest-looking dick I’ve ever seen. I played team sports all my life, I’ve seen a lot of dicks, and this was something else. It’s honestly kind of funny to think about Mary Googling “gross penis” or something and sifting through hundreds of images to find juuuuuuust the right one. I had to apologize to everyone on staff and thankfully folks were surprisingly understanding. It’s actually been kind of a nice bonding experience with my coworkers, I honestly didn’t consider myself to be super well-liked in the office but it feels like everyone has been going out of their way to be kind to me and it means a lot. Anyway, at this point it was clear we had to escalate things legally. I really wanted to avoid it but she forced my hand. My wife and I have a lawyer friend who helped us draft a cease and desist letter outlining her continued harassment and the material and emotional damage this is causing us. My wife then sent a message to Mary and my in-laws with a copy of the letter and made it very clear that we would pursue criminal and/or civil proceedings if her harassment continued. My wife’s mom then called her crying and begged her to “just let it go” and “leave Mary alone”. My wife calmly explained that Mary is the only person responsible for this whole situation, and that their parents have always enabled her awful behavior. She also said something she later regretted but I think was pretty badass: “Mary is going to stick you two in a nursing home and steal your money the minute she has the chance, and you deserve it.” After the way her mom reacted, my wife is firmly settled on cutting off her family completely. This happened on Friday, and on Sunday Mary’s best frenemy “Anne” sent my brother a message on Facebook to say Mary is going to leave us alone and to please not sue her. I told my brother not to respond, then just sat and enjoyed the idea that Mary was out there somewhere freaking out about the potential of having to actually face the consequences of her actions. It must be such a strange feeling for her. Since then, we haven’t heard a peep from the grapevine. It feels like things are finally starting to go back to normal. My wife is starting therapy next week and we’ll be starting couples therapy in a month or two; she wants to do some work on herself first. She’s also taking a short leave from work to rest and recharge. I’m so proud of her for standing up for herself with her family and finally putting her mental health and wellbeing first. Thanks again for everyone who offered advice! This was a messy situation but it definitely would’ve been messier without your help. Tl;dr: Mary tried to get me fired so we sent her a cease and desist. Now Mary’s running scared, she and my in-laws are out of our lives, and we’re doing much better without them. My wife is prioritizing her wellness and I am one proud simp. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

DerMaddi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11c0lk9/my_37m_wifes_34f_sister_29f_tried_to_kiss_me_and/

11c0lk9

My girlfriend is transactional...?

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is ThrowRA23m (OOP has since deleted the account) **My girlfriend is transactional...?** **"The Soy Sauce situation."** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/114c53v/my_23m_girlfriend_24m_is_transactional/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Feb 17, 2023 We've been together one year. I cook dinner for us pretty regularly. I'll bring the groceries over to her place and cook. And that's it. When she invites me over and cooks for me, she always asks me to contribute to half of the meal cost, or bring half the groceries. One time I brought the groceries over but didn't have soy sauce. She bought some and was like, "Can you send me $3 for the soy sauce?". I refused because I thought it was odd to ask that... like, soy sauce is just a basic condiment?!? And besides, I was already bringing the groceries. She was kind of irked when I refused, and didn't really see how it was fair. I have obliged with these requests in the past without too much thought, but suddenly something hit me. I can't help but think she is treating me in a very transactional way. I see where she is coming from, splitting stuff is obviously fair. What do you do when your partner wants to treat your relationship in this 50/50 way? Personally, I can't help but feel it's odd. **RELEVANT COMMENTS:** Mobile_Prune_3207 commented >That is odd. Especially considering that you don't act the same that she can say she does it because you do or something. Have you sat and had a conversation with her about it? Does she have money problems or grew up with money problems that she feels she needs to try hold onto every cent? If you end up living together how will those finances work if she can't even buy a sauce without turning it into a financial transaction between you? OOP replied >No money problems that I'm aware of. Until recently her rent was paid by her parents, and she's always worked part/full-time and earned more than I. >I have noticed that she complains about paying for things that don't bring value to her (fines, repairs, etc.). Maybe she wants the most possible money going towards her fun stuff and tries to minimise her expenses. LunaMunaLagoona commented >Or do the better thing, find someone who isn't nickel and diming the relationship. >This sounds so exhausting. "Send me $3 for soy sauce" imaging spending the rest of your life with that. Lankani 32 commented >Seriously. I'd be so baffled over $3 for a condiment. Also, I'd be embarrassed for the person asking for reimbursement. It's so petty [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1168k7v/update_my_23m_girlfriend_24m_is_transactional/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  Feb 19, 2023 I made a post two days ago about the soy sauce situation with my girlfriend. I decided to bring it up with her. But we'll get to that. First I realised that groceries aren't the only thing subject to the nickel and diming mindset and lack of generosity. Examples? She 'counts' favours with people (even close family) in that she always expects things in return. However, she doesn't apply this principle in reverse. I notice I've done a lot for her. Taking care of her dog, moving furniture, helping her rehearse a job interview, etc., etc. All things I've gladly done and not thought twice about because she is my partner and I love her. The way relationships should be. Yet I actually can't think of one time she has done something to help me. Not one. Once I asked her to help me move furniture. She had nothing on that day but "didn't feel like it" and stayed home. Anyway, I brought this up with her. I asked, "Why do you hold back from being generous and selfless?". And she replied, "Because no one ever does anything for me!". I brought up the times I have helped her, and she changed to, "Well until you came along, no one did anything for me." I then asked, "How would you describe the ways you show me love and affection?". And she got annoyed that I asked that. But she couldn't come up with a single thing, except for attacking me. She proceeded to say: "I buy you things but you hate them!". "I try and do things for you but you don't want me to!" These things are both completely untrue. For clarification, the past year she has bought me two presents and I love and use them both (and she is definitely aware of that). She conveniently finds ways to make herself the victim and dodge responsibility. I told her she needs to fix this and also start showing some generosity in the relationship or I'm out. Anyway, time passed and she messaged me this morning, saying she is sorry I feel this way. She said she wants to improve. Then she asked, "Do you want to make it work?". Yet she hasn't told me how it is precisely that she plans on making it work. Going to a therapist, planning to reciprocate the love back, those kinds of things. I have a feeling that 'making it work' is going to require a god awful amount of effort and probably lead to stress and emotional pain for both of us. I don't know if I can go through that, but of course there's the possibility that we both come out of it stronger. --- TLDR: My girlfriend appears a little self-concerned and doesn't reciprocate the love or generosity that I'm looking for. She wants to change, but I feel like it will be incredibly draining for both of us. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Redd_81 commented >I wish you good fortune in the wars to come. SnooPeppers1641 commented >She's self absorbed and immature. Can she change? I suppose. But she has to #1 see her behavior as being an issue and #2 want to change. And since she treats everyone in her life this way and from your last post up until very recently her parents paid her rent yet per her do nothing for her I wouldn't hold my breath. **~OOP UPDATES IN THE SAME POST~** UPDATE: I appreciate all the responses to this post. It's helped so much to write to a group of strangers who are completely detached from the situation. GF and I are no longer together. I was going to respond this to a comment saying to just end it and tell her I don't want to put in the work. I thought I'd leave it here instead: By telling her "I don't want to make it work", it would have (in her mind) absolved her of any responsibility for the ending of the relationship. She could feel like the victim (again) because I didn't want to put in the effort. I instead told her that she has deeply rooted character flaws, and that the way she treated me is a form of gaslighting. It was hard to say that, I basically broke down in her arms. She broke down, too. She can't even recognise what the issue is, so I don't think she can change. And I have too much on my plate right now to walk her through all of this. She actually understood that, and apologised. Properly. It's so frustrating. I still love everything else about her and at times I saw us having a life together. But she still doesn't even know what she's doing. She chalked it up to us "thinking differently". If she had just said, "I'm so sorry for treating you like that, it was so wrong. I will do everything I can to change", I would have been ecstatic and it would have probably saved the relationship. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11chs39/my_girlfriend_is_transactional/

11chs39

My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning (Final Update)

NEW UPDATE

This is a NEW update on a story previously shared here. Originally posted by u/throwoffmychest234 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Oct. 16 2022, final update Feb 18th. Skip down to the 🔴🔴🔴 if you don't need to read the first parts. My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y5f9sh/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/) Oct. 16 2022 This is horrible, I'm furious right now. But I'm also depressed as hell. I know what I have to do, it's just killing me that I have to do it. It’s fresh, and it hurts a lot. My wife didn't come home last night. She went out with a couple of girlfriends, which is pretty normal for her. She's normally back around 2AM on these nights, so I waited up. Around 2:30, I called to check in. She answered, and I could hear people in the background. She told me they went to a party but were leaving in a couple of minutes. She wasn't home by 3 so I texted. It delivered, but no reply. Around 4AM I called again, it rang a couple of times before she sent me to voicemail. My wife finally came stumbling through the door at 6:47AM this morning. I know the exact time because I was worried. She was wearing a dress she didn't leave the house in, with mesh leggings I've never seen either. The leggings had clearly been torn, and her makeup was smudged. My heart sank when I saw her. My immediate worry was that she had been assaulted. She only shook her head no when I asked her that. I asked her what she had been doing then. She only said that I knew what she had been doing, and that kind of confirmed what the voice in the back of my head had been screaming since she walked in. My wife cheated on me last night. I asked her who it was, she shrugged almost casually and said it was somebody they met at the club. She went back to his house and hooked up with him, then Ubered home. She then said she didn't want to fight and just wanted to sleep. So that's what she did. She's still asleep now, and didn't even take a shower before passing out. Suffice to say our relationship is over. We don't have any kids, and we rent so it shouldn't be an extremely complicated process. I keep trying to reason myself out of it, pretending there might be something to salvage here. I've always maintained that cheating would be a red line for me though. I think I need to stick to that now. Small Update: [True update coming later but for now...](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwoffmychest234/comments/y6gjy9/true_update_coming_later_but_for_now/) Oct. 17 2022 Alright, things have happened. I am no longer at home, I left. I wasn't able to get the day off work today though, so I'm writing this on my lunch now. It's been a struggle keeping myself together today, honestly. I've had to sneak off to the bathroom twice to cry, shit's rough dude. I'll post something more detailed later on because holyfuckingshit there's a lot. I'm exhausted. I've only slept about four hours total since this all happened. Does anyone know if I should post the actual update in a new thread, or just update the one I already made? It's gonna be a lot of text, probably longer than the first one by a bit. Also, to the woman who felt compelled to send me a topless picture. Thanks, but also no thanks. My heart just isn't in that sort of thing right now. [2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y79ekf/update_my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come/) Oct. 18 2022 Me again, folks. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to this sooner. I wasn’t able to get the day off work yesterday because my boss kind of sucks. I was a complete mess at work yesterday though, so I was allowed to take the rest of the week as vacation, thankfully. I think I went through all of the stages of grief while my soon-to-be-ex was sleeping. I wasn’t expecting my post to get any attention at all. I just figured I needed to try to talk to someone about it, because I was not in a good headspace. I made the post in the morning, and by noon she was still conked out in the bedroom. I had processed things a bit more, and I had a rough plan in my head that I was starting to set in motion. I made a short list of questions I wanted answers to, gathered up all my important documents, laptop, etc. Then I went into the bedroom and started packing myself a suitcase. I know a lot of folks wanted me to kick her out. I did consider it, but honestly I’m not overly attached to this place. We just rent, and I’m in a lucky enough situation to be able to say that paying half the rent for a few months isn’t going to financially end me. It’ll sting a little bit, I won’t lie. But I’ll make it, and I feel like being around this place is only going to remind me of her anyway, I need to be looking forward, not back. She ended up waking up about halfway through me packing my suitcase. There was momentary confusion as she looked around the room then she just started balling. Maybe this is awful of me, but I didn’t bother comforting her. I told her I had the screenshots of her Uber and text messages from her phone, and that plus her confirmation was enough that things between us were completely done. She didn’t answer me, and just cried louder. I debated trying to continue the conversation, but I decided to just pack the rest of my suitcase and head back out to the living room until she came out. When she finally left the bedroom, she sat next to me on the couch and asked me if we could talk things through. I told her as calmly as possible that wasn’t how things were going to work. I was going to ask questions, I wanted honest answers. She told me she’d be honest, so I proceeded. My voice was shaking the entire time, it was taking me everything to hold it together but I kept going: **Was this the first time she had cheated?** She started crying before she answered that, then told me no. She had cheated on me multiple times over the course of our relationship. It was, and I’m going to use her words exactly here “Just sex, a way for me to let off steam. None of it ever meant anything.” I wrote a comment shortly after making my post that all the love couldn’t just fade away in one swoop. Well, it can. It hit me right then that I wasn’t dealing with my wife. The person I was married to literally wasn’t in the room. This was someone different. She refused to tell me exactly how many times she had cheated, just more than last night. **Had she used protection?** No hesitation from her before she nodded her head emphatically. She seemed surprised I’d even ask that. I’m still going to get tested just to be safe, I did some research into timing and I’m going to look after it. **Were her friends also cheating on their spouses?** Yes, and no. I tried to get her to tell me which of her friends were cheating so I could get in contact with their spouses. She probably should have, because her refusal led to me messaging pretty much the romantic partner of every one of her girlfriends I could find on social media. There are a couple I don’t know or couldn’t find, but I did my part. **Why did she do it?** This was the answer that gutted me the most. I’m going to use her exact words again. “I need to have sexual variety.” I told her that it’s not like our sex life is dull. She clarified. “It’s not the same as something new.” I didn’t even have a response to that one. I had expected something about me working too much, or not supporting her emotionally. Nope. She just fucked other guys because she felt like it, and wanted to have some fun. When I didn’t respond. She started asking me about counseling and therapy. I reiterated that our relationship was over. I’d be leaving. What she did next disgusted me. My ex actually tried to have sex with me. She put her hands on me, and started trying to take off my clothes. I felt like I wanted to vomit, and pushed her away after a couple of seconds. She just kept telling me that she would figure out a way to fix it, that we would work through it together. I told her that there was no way, and she started balling again. She went to the bathroom and locked herself inside. I was just sick of everything at that point. I called her mother, and told her what was going on. The full story too, the cheating, the questions I had asked, and the fact I was leaving. I’ve always had a good relationship with my Ex’s parents. They both decided to drive to town, which is about an hour for them. Once I knew someone was on the way, I just grabbed my things and left. Her waterworks in the bathroom were just annoying me because it felt hollow to me, especially given the answers to my questions. I ended up packing another bag before I left, and took all the things that I could think of that I felt sentimental attachment to, with me. I found a parking lot and sat in my car until I was able to get in contact with a buddy for a place to crash. I tried to take a nap, but I was running on way too much adrenaline. I knew when her parents had made it to the apartment because she started calling me. When I didn’t answer those, she started texting me. She had gone from sad and crying to furious. Apparently I’m a “fucking piece of shit” for telling her mom everything. Whoops. (I’m not sorry.) I’ve received roughly a hundred texts from her since leaving. They range from name-calling all the way to begging me to come back, to sending me pictures of the food she ate for some reason. I haven’t responded to any of them, I feel like I said my piece before leaving. So that’s where I’m at now. We didn’t have joint finances, so that part was easy. I canceled all the subscriptions that go to my credit card just to be sure, and changed all my important passwords. I’m crashing on a friend’s couch for the next bit, but I’ve got some feelers out to some short-term rental places until I can find something more permanent. I’ve got feelers out for a divorce attorney too. A co-worker of mine had a recommendation, so barring something better I’ll probably go with them. I also wanted to say that I was shocked how supportive everyone was, and thank you for that. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. It isn’t easy for me to talk about emotional things with people close to me. This was an invaluable venting place for me. Thank you all so much. **TL;DR:** This wasn’t the first time she had cheated on me, I packed up my things and left, and I think I’m on track to being in a better place. Working on initiating divorce proceedings now. 🔴🔴🔴 [Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/115d42q/final_update_my_wife_went_out_last_night_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Hey, folks. I’m happy… I guess? To say that this will be the final update to what has been probably the most difficult chapter of my life. I’ve felt an immense amount of support from the community here from my initial two posts, so I wanted to give a short update. Bottom line: My ex and I both signed the final papers for our divorce this week. It feels kind of surreal to think about that still. About two weeks into everything, she got resistant. I cut her off entirely and she refused to return my attorney’s calls for a little while. Eventually things got back on track. As for the infidelity itself, I don’t have a ton more details to share with you. We did a short mediation, and by that time I didn’t feel there was any remorse on her end. I’ve talked about that a lot with my therapist- I’m in therapy, by the way. It still hurts that someone who I thought loved me could have apparently cared about me so little, but I’m working through it. That’s really all I’ve got to share. Thanks again, everybody for your advice and support. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ddjf7/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/

11ddjf7

My (28m) Wife (30f) kicked me out after finding "my secret reddit account" + UPDATE

ONGOING

My (28m) Wife (30f) kicked me out after finding "my secret reddit account" Trigger warning: >!pregnancy, mental breakdown, manipulation, wrongful medication!< [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11442ma/my28m_wife_30f_kicked_me_out_after_finding_my/) by u/throwra_number_1 on r/relationship_advice (February 17, 2023) Hello all first time posing under a throw away and on mobile. Today when I came home from work to my pregnant wife(of 8 years), She had packed me a bag and told me she found my private reddit account and started to accuse me of cheating on her. She was screaming and wouldn't let me talk to her or defend myself. She said she found the story I posted detailing that I have cheated with a coworker and now the coworker is pregnant. She said she wanted a divorce and she won't let me see my unborn child. I have never cheated on her. Never thought about it. I don't think I have ever given her a reason to think I did. I found the post she thought was mine and it has some similar details to our life. But it was posted over a year ago. Similar details is how we met ages and the fact I have a coworker that is pregnant. Other than that the post said that the OP has an older daughter. The coworker has been working with the OP for years. The coworker at my company started 4 months ago and was pregnant before she started. My wife is currently 6 months pregnant. With our first kid (a girl). We have had our ups and downs but nothing to cause this. How do I convince her it was not me when she doesn't want to talk to me or hear me out? I can't lose my wife or baby. My in laws won't listen to me and my wife won't pick up or text back. [OOP comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11442ma/comment/j8u5w0x/): This all happened about 3 hours ago. It started the minute I walked in. I don't know what she was looking up or doing. I do have a reddit account but it is like a pet rock. I have it but It just sits there not really doing anything. I might look at it once or twice a year. *Most of the commentators suggest that OOP should give his wife some time to calm down first, and then approach the situation. Since none of the information from the post that OOP's wife found matches up with her reality, It is suggested that OOP's wife has had some sort of mental breakdown, maybe due to her pregnancy hormone, and that she needs medical attention.* [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/116wup6/update_my28m_wife30f_kicked_me_out_after_finding/) (February 20, 2023) My pregnant wife kicked me out accusing me of cheating on her and getting my coworker pregnant after she found "my secret reddit account" even though there were obvious differences in the post as well as when the post was made. That night I drove 1 hour to my in-laws. (My family is not close.) When I showed up, they wouldn't let me in until I started crying (I know not manly) and explained that I am worried for my wife's mental state and child's safety and asked if they would please hear me out. They finally let me in. I put everything on the table. They did not hear the full story from my wife. She said that I cheated and then got in her face blaming everything on her. None of it was true. I showed them the post that she suspected was made by me. Then pointed out the obvious differences. I next pulled up footage from one of our outside cameras that caught some of the argument (caught audio only). They could tell I was not the aggressor and she was not acting like her normal self. While in the camera app, I noticed a car was parked across the street. One I recognized. That I should have never seen again. Up to this point I realized that I also messed up. My wife is off some of her medications and switched to different ones for the pregnancy. I have spent more time at work lately due to trying to save up more money for our future. Thus means I have been neglecting my wife. I now know why my wife was acting this way. My wife had a friend/coworker that never approved of the relationship between my wife and I. We will call her Satan. She kept trying to get between us by causing fights or bringing up false red flags of mine. Then she confessed her love for my wife and said she wanted me out of the picture. When she told my wife this, my wife told me and decided to cut contact. And move to a different department. I told my in-laws that we have to go to my wife. My in-laws contacted my wife and told her that they were coming over. She accepted it. She was crying and still very emotional. My in-laws told me to give them a few minutes to talk to her first. When we pulled up, it was about 8 or 9 at night. From my in-laws: When they walked in, my wife was crying to Satan who was happy we had a fight. They knew about what that woman tried to do in the past and told her to give them a few minutes alone. She agreed after some arguing. They had her talk about her side again and gave the evidence from my point of view. It turns out that Satan was taking advantage of the fact that my wife is pregnant, I'm working more hours, my wife is on different medications and the info from our past that painted me In a bad way. She also had been showing her other "evidence", like somehow she had a picture of me and my female pregnant coworker when we went out to get food for the team. My wife accepted this and kicked Satan out and blocked her again. We are going to try to get a restraining order placed on her. Things are better but not back to the way we were. I got her a doctor's appointment on Tuesday about her medicine and scheduled an "emergency" therapy session with her therapist on Wednesday. For now I'm sleeping in the guest room and trying my best to not break up our 8+ year marriage. I feel betrayed that she would take someone's side who has already proven they will do anything to get what they want, lie about her being no contact, then accuse me of cheating and not listen to what I have to say. But at the same time I love my wife. I know that she was not in her proper state of mind. I want to get marriage counseling but the wait list is over 2 months long. I will tell my boss on Monday about cutting back on hours to help my wife. I have saved up time off that should help. Luckily our company provides 3 months of paternity leave. Hopefully we can get things right. My in-laws have also been staying close just in case my wife needs them or if they have to step in. ETA: I have told my actual pregnant coworker what happened. Her and her husband are understanding of the situation. They said that they would be willing to sit down with us and talk. I believe she is due in the coming month so she won't be at work for a while. [OOP comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/116wup6/comment/j9botf6/): I won't let anything happen to my family. We are getting things together to give to their HR department. My wife will probably be quitting soon for the baby as well. We have to wait until after the baby is born before we make any big moves. I'm going to bring it up to my wife tonight. My boss is an understanding man. He is actively searching for good positions that I can transfer to as well as reaching out to his contacts to see if I could get a position elsewhere. I hope that after my baby is born and she is back on her proper meds that I will have my wife back. *Commentators are suggesting OOP try for a restraining order against Satan, but OOP says it's very hard to get where they live. OOP is determined to help get his wife on the correct medication for her pregnancy, as he acknowledges that maybe Satan couldn't have gotten her hooks in if his wife was in her right mind.* Marked as concluded since OOP doesn't foresee any more future problems.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11di1kx/my_28m_wife_30f_kicked_me_out_after_finding_my/

11di1kx

AITA for kicking my bf's girl best friend out of my Halloween party because of her costume?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/cryingtotswift](https://www.reddit.com/user/cryingtotswift/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole but it was removed. She also posted the same post in r/AITAH and r/TwoHotTakes. I have included relevant comments from all three versions of the post. Thanks to u/here4theGoz for the recommendation. Since this post involves pumpkins, today's fun fact to cover up spoilers is about pumpkins. The world's heaviest pumpkin weighed 2600 pounds (1179.34 kgs.) Pumpkins are 90% water. Every part of the pumpkin is edible! **Trigger Warnings:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!yikes but OOP is ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/yhx916/aita_for_kicking_my_bfs_girl_best_friend_out_of/)**: October 30, 2022** Hi everyone, I'll cut to the chase. I (19F) had a Halloween party over the weekend. I invited my boyfriend (21M) and a bunch of our friends over, including his girl best friend. I will call her "Agatha". My boyfriend and I had decided to dress up as Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. If you haven't seen the costume, the guy wears a shirt that says Peter Peter and the girl dresses as a pumpkin because... well you know! I was pretty excited just because I thought it was a funny and cute costume. Agatha texted me the night before the party and asked what my costume was going to be! I explained the couple's costume my boyfriend and I would be wearing and she replied that should would probably just come as a "sexy cat". Fast forward to the night of the party, everyone is having fun and it's a nice time! Well, it was... until Agatha walked in **dressed as a pumpkin.** She went over and hugged my boyfriend. I swear the room went silent. I was pissed. I asked if I could speak with her privately and we went into my bedroom. I asked why she chose that costume since she knew the details of the joint costume between my boyfriend and I. She said she didn't see the big deal and thought it would be a better group costume. I told her I didn't think it was funny and I would prefer that she change. I offered her a witch costume that she could borrow for the night. She turned red and started to yell that I don't get to control what she wears. I told her that she was disrespecting my relationship by insinuating that my boyfriend and her have sex. She kept screaming about how it was funny and I needed to lighten up. I ended up asking her to leave. She stormed out of the house and I returned to the party. The mood had shifted and the night felt ruined. My boyfriend agrees that she crossed the line and is planning on cutting her off completely. BUT a few of our friends are saying that I was being dramatic and I should have let her stay. I guess I'm just wondering...am I the asshole? I have posted this on other forums but I have seen this podcast on TikTok and I feel like you will all be honest with me! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did she not understand the joke?* "That was something I was considering but she definitely understood the joke because she even said something like “oh you’ll have fun after the party with that costume ;)” while we were texting. I was thinking about having my boyfriend talk to her but it’s completely up to him! She is his friend and he can respond however he would like. I just found out that she’s been texting him since the party asking why I freaked out but never texting me…" *Has she done things like this before?* "This is the first time she has ever done anything like this! We always hug and chat when we see eachother. This was extremely out of character." *Do they have a sexual history?* "He said that nothing sexual has ever happened between them! I do trust him because he was honestly shocked she would pull something like that since she has always treated me with kindness!" *Moving forward:* "We are currently texting about how to move forward. He wants to go completely cut her off because of this. It was completely out of character so I’m wondering…could it be a one time thing? She has never shown interest before and she has normally been really kind! Sometimes people make mistakes (like me blowing up completely) but I’m letting him make the decision completely on his own. I’m not pushing him one direction or the other. It really seems like he is done with the friendship and with whoever said I was wrong." *Why didn't boyfriend say anything?* "I think he was just too stunned to speak when she walked in. After I asked her to leave, he comforted me the rest of the night and took my side completely. He said that he is going to be cutting her out of his life. It’s crazy because she has been texting him and he said she hasn’t even tried to apologize. He hasn’t been responding which I think is driving her crazy!" ***Although the post was deleted, most comments in AITA skewed NTA*** **Update in Comments: November 17, 2022** "He is no longer friends with her! She showed her true colors and they are no longer speaking" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/118bkhg/update_aita_for_kicking_my_bfs_girl_best_friend/)**: February 21, 2023** Well…I have an update! I meant to post one a few months ago but I really needed time to process the events that occurred after this whole ordeal. I’m glad I waited though, because you all need to hear this one. Many people pointed out that my boyfriend must be sleeping with Agatha since she went absolutely bonkers for seemingly no reason. I thought since he immediately took my side and blocked her on everything that you were wrong. Well, it was me who was wrong. It turns out that Agatha and my boyfriend have been sleeping together for MONTHS and they were just really good at hiding it. Until she decided that she didn’t want to be his “mistress” anymore. I found this out when I was at his house and hanging out in his room. He was showering after a workout and I heard this vibrating noise. He had taken his phone and mine was right next to me so I couldn’t figure out what it was. I opened his bedside table drawer and found a second phone. My gut told me that something wasn’t right, why would he have a second phone? It didn’t take me long to guess his password (1234, really?) and my fears were confirmed. There was a missed call from Agatha. I looked through the messages and found out the truth. Not only had they been sleeping together, she recently found out that she was pregnant. This was the reason she pulled the stunt on Halloween. She was trying to force his hand. I also saw that he was messaging other girls as well. I was completely devastated. After his shower, he found me grabbing all of my belongings and putting them in my bag. He asked why I was leaving and I told him because we were finished. I threw his phone on the bed and he looked like he was going to vomit. He started pleading me to hear him out but I didn’t want to hear it. He could have all of those other girls, I didn’t want him anymore. He followed me out of the house shaking and crying, he even followed me all the way out to my car trying to block my path. I went over the grass around him and didn’t look back. He sent me a long message about how he never wanted to hurt me, that he wanted me back, and how he was using his work phone to text all of these woman so I wouldn’t find out. That was a really helpful! I sent his boss a nice little message about how company property was being misused and I saw on LinkedIn he no longer works for that company anymore. He is blocked on everything now. I hope him and Agatha have a magical life with their baby. Oh! I heard through the grapevine that he got one of the other woman pregnant too! I’m glad I dodged that bullet. As for me, I am currently in therapy working on my trust issues and learning how to love myself again after this situation. I have been putting myself out there again and have cut contact with anyone who knew what was happening behind my back. Thank you for all the love and support! ***Relevant Comments:*** *STD check:* "Thank you for that advice! I got a STD check after I found out about the cheating but I will definitely schedule another one for this week. Yeah, he was a piece of work. I ignored many red flags because I was so happy to finally feel loved by someone. Well, that wasn’t REAL love! I’m glad I found this out before I truly invested more time into the relationship. I’m looking forward to the future and finding someone special in my life." *More on the second phone:* "I honestly had no idea why he even decided to tell me that. He said he only did it because of his access to the second phone so I just thought his boss would love to know how company property was being used!" *To people who think it's fake:* "I would like to clarify a few things here but I know you still probably won’t believe me and that is fine. Agatha originally asked what MY costume was going to be. I didn’t think anything of it because I always ask my friends what they are wearing to parties so I can get the vibe. Even though we weren’t best friends, we were still on good terms at this point so it was normal. I’m the one who told her we were wearing a couple’s costume and then we had a short conversation about the joke behind it. I don’t know what happened from there, only that she showed up as part of our couples costume. Quite simple, my ex was an idiot. His phone password for his actual phone was 0000 because other combinations were always too hard to remember. 1234 was not my first guess but it worked. If it hadn’t, I would have just confronted him regardless. I never said he got fired for misusing company property. I said that I emailed his boss about it and that the company name was no longer in his Linked In tagline. I have to assume the company wasn’t thrilled he was sending dick pics/videos to woman on his phone that was probably supposed to be used for work purposes. Who knows! He might have gotten fired because he’s an asshole but I will never know. Hopefully this cleared something’s up! If you still don’t believe it, that is okay! I just thought I’d address a few of the things you said :)" *How she's doing now:* "I’m working on it! I guess I was just so happy to be loved that I didn’t really see any of the red flags. My therapist has really helped me and I’m looking forward to the future now💙" "I wish I had answers! I blocked him shortly after I left his home. I haven’t seen him since. I don’t know what happened between him, Agatha, and the other baby momma. The only reason I know about the other pregnant woman is because I heard it from someone else!"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11dxb0t/aita_for_kicking_my_bfs_girl_best_friend_out_of/

11dxb0t

My brother (M27) saved me (F20) from a life as my sisters nanny and helped me go to college, we both got disowned by family, please help me help him with his depression and isolation. + UPDATE

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My brother (M27) saved me (F20) from a life as my sisters nanny and helped me go to college, we both got disowned by family, please help me help him with his depression and isolation. Trigger warning: >!misogyny, fundamental religion, abuse, mention of suicide but no actual suicide!< [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/110nofh/my_brother_m27_saved_me_f20_from_a_life_as_my/) by u/Novel_Tap1132 at r/relationships (February 13, 2023) Hi, I (20F) am currently in my 4th semester of college. The fact that I am able to go to college is largely thanks to my brother Mike (27M). This resulted in us both being estranged from family, and the reason for this post is that I need to help him with his resulting depression and isolation. Some backstory: We come from a patriarchal, conservative Christian background, although we didn't really practice. But everything was always in the “obey your parents” vibe. My parents (both 43) are the oldest siblings in their families. My fathers family (parents, 2 brothers, 1 sister) all live within 20 minutes of my parents home. All aunts/uncles are married and I have 8 cousins on that side. My mothers family is originally from here as well but has all since left the area (grandparents moved to a retirement community in AZ several years ago, uncle is career military currently stationed idk where, aunt (K) moved to AZ after graduating college for her career) We are from a Midwest US state and are Caucasian. This whole fiasco started when my older sister Lisa (22F) was in college back in spring of 2020. Right before COVID shut down her college that March, she got pregnant after a party (she didnt know until after she was back home). In fall 2020, my senior year of HS, I started my college application process while my pregnant sister lived at home. Mike had finished school several years prior and had started his career about 90 min away from our hometown. Lisa gave birth to twins a few days after Thanksgiving 2020. In Jan 2021 I received my early acceptance to my dream school - nothing like Harvard but a highly rated “Public Ivy” in my state. I had also gotten enough of a scholarship to cover the tuition (but not room/board). Obviously I was ecstatic! Unfortunately that was about to come crashing down. In May 2021, my parents told me that I could not go to school and that I needed to stay home to raise my nieces while my sister went back to school since she needed to support her kids and thus needed a better education. Much screaming ensued, with my father eventually telling me that his decision was final and that was that. Well Mike learned what happened, called me and said “Yeah that's not happening” and we made plans. I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to the Reddit posts back in early 2021 that discussed the steps to take and things/docs to gather in order to successfully leave home for good. And that's what we did. We had discussed plans a few times when he visited and took me out to lunch, and one day that July I had my essentials all packed, left a letter for our parents and after lunch we just went back to his apartment. As you can imagine, the fallout was explosive. Starting with angry calls and texts and led to us both being disowned by the family for being “disloyal”. MIke had predicted this and we were both prepared for it so it wasn't a surprise. Anyway that August he paid my remaining school balance and dropped me off at my dorm and I have been living and studying here since then. He has continued to pay my room/board and whatever else scholarships didn't cover ever since. I cannot thank him enough for what he has done for me. Since then, we have had pretty much no contact with our parents, sister and all aunts/uncles and grandparents on dads side. I am still in contact with 2 cousins (F19, F17) who support me and think we made the right decision. We do have contact with moms side, and have both flown out to AZ the last 2 holiday seasons to spend with them. This past holiday is when Aunt K first talked to me about her concerns for Mike that she noticed. They are very close (she is only 3 years older than him and we all grew up together in our grandparents house) so they are like siblings and I guess she picked up on some things that were off. The issue I need help with: Aunt K and I have noticed him seemingly becoming more depressed and isolated and this is what I am hoping for some help in helping him. Mike is somewhat introverted and has always had a very small social circle and a lot of his social outlet was with our extended paternal family. There were family BBQs very often, especially during football season when it was pretty much weekly. Throw in holidays, birthdays etc there were probably 2 big family events a month minimum. Mike was able to attend most of those and he always tried to hang out with my dad and uncles even tho they always acted lukewarm to him. With that now gone for the past 18 months, he hasn't really had that outlet. So please Reddit, any advice would be appreciated. He gave me my life back and I need to find a way to do the same for him. Thank you all. Note: I do plan on sharing this post with him when he visits me next weekend (my school is a 2 hr or so drive from where he lives so he meets me for lunch 2-3x per month). I want to be able to sit down and read this through with him and talk with him about everything so thank you again. Tl:dr: My brother helped me escape life as a forced nanny and go to college, we both got disowned by family and he is becoming depressed, I am looking for ways to help him. ​ ETA: I saw a few comments below regarding our extended family so I thought I would add a couple notes: My mom's side totally supports what Mike and I have done. We both talk to our grandparents and aunt regularly. We have even visited them a few times in the past year in AZ. From what I can gather on my dads side from talking with my cousins, some of the family dont think we are wrong and are just following my dads lead since he is the oldest sibling. My uncles (dads brothers) are still very much supporting my dads point of view. According to my aunt, my mom and sister both want to put this all behind us and move forward but my dad is being stubborn and wont let it go and they dont want to go behind his back. The craziest thing to me is that my sister didn't even want to go back to her school! My dad was going to force her to go back. It boggles my mind still how they thought it would work out. Growing up, our parents had always encouraged all 3 of us to pursue some kind of higher education after HS, either a traditional college or trade school. So there wasn't really the gender dynamic of "dad works, mom raises the kids" in the extended family. None of my aunts (or grandmothers for that matter) are traditional SAHMs. I would also like to thank everyone who has commented so far. I have shared this post with both my aunt K and some friends here who are aware of my situation. Mike is still planning on coming down here on Saturday so I am hoping to update this after. *Commentators suggest that OOP help her brother out by encouraging therapy for himself and to plan some game nights or outdoorsy activities or other hobbies he might enjoy. They also suggest open communication to help her brother open up more about his feelings and troubles. Some even think that the brother might have suicidal or drug issues.* [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1177c78/update_my_brother_m27_saved_me_f20_from_a_life_as/) (February 21, 2023) Hi, I just wanted to post a quick update to what I posted last week. I say quick but it's probably going to be long so apologies in advance just trying to get everything out of my head. Mike came down here on Saturday as planned. I had spoken to my aunt K before this and she thinks if I gently asked direct questions and probed that he would answer. So that was my plan. My roommates knew the situation and what I was planning to do and they were understanding and agreed to give us the apt to ourselves for the afternoon. After he arrived and we ate, I just straight up said to him that Aunt K and I had noticed some changes to his behavior and that he seemed really down. He looked at me for a bit and then slowly nodded and agreed. I took this as a good sign that he would be open and honest with me. I said that I wanted to help him and to please be open and talk to me and that I wouldn't judge him for anything. He said OK. Then I pulled out my laptop and mentioned that I had made a post to reddit about him and he gave me a very confused look. I sat down next to him and asked him to just read it and we can talk about it. Well….he basically broke down with his head in his hands after reading the title. So yeah, I guess it was pretty accurate. I just held him and said that we would talk whenever he was ready. After a few minutes he was able to collect himself and we went through the whole post together. Then we started reading the comments one at a time and talking about each one. He took all of the comments and suggestions to heart and we talked about how he can go about putting himself out there more, both dating and trying to make new friends. In typical nerd fashion, he even broke all of the ideas down in categories (outdoor, indoor, online) and is willing to give pretty much anything a try. The city he lives in isn't huge but a quick look through its sub on here found a few things so the opportunity is there. He seemed a little embarrassed, in a good way, about all of the praise he was getting. I knew he would be but I just told him that other people see him for the wonderful brother that he is. There were a couple comments that mentioned suicide or drug abuse that I really pressed him on. He promised he wasn't doing drugs or drinking excessively. In all of the times I was at his place he never had more than a 6-pack of Guinness or some craft beer. This is something I am definitely going to keep on him about since I don't want him to drink his pain away. He said while he never really thought about actually hurting himself, he said he sometimes feels lost and has dark thoughts that can really mess up his mood and that he was struggling and very frustrated with himself at times. He said that he often can't even look at himself in a mirror because he is embarrassed at where he is in his life, outside of work, compared to his friends. Really just that his closest friends have all moved on to the next phase of their lives and is stuck and feels left behind and not able to move forward. He is scared that he is going to turn into one of those people that have their own dedicated sub on here. He often just drives around the city after work for hours because he doesn't want to go home and every once in a while he said he has gone to bed with the thought that he didn't really care if he woke up or not. All of this scared me and broke my heart. He agreed that this isn't healthy (massive understatement to say the least!) and that he needs to seek some professional help soon. We talked about his social life after college. He said that for the first couple years he and his closest friends and SO’s would meet a few times a week and travel somewhere together every few months. He separated from his gf of 4 years in 2019. He and his friends still met up after the lockdowns started in 2020 but it became less and less frequent as the friends were becoming more involved with their SO’s and later kids. Eventually they were meeting once a month or less. Mike recognized this but said he had a hard time meeting new people to go out with or finding people who were looking to make new friends as opposed to just chit chatting while they did whatever activity they were doing. He said he found it very hard to break into existing friend groups and has some acquaintances but not really anyone who he feels close to. At the same time, he was going to more and more family functions just to fill a void and be social around people, and dote on our nieces after they were born. After that was gone, he felt completely lost and spiraled down but didnt know how to communicate how he felt until I forced the issue. It was mentioned that I should not try to keep defending my parents and I agree. What they wanted to do was inexcusable and unforgivable. I asked Mike if he would ever consider reconciling with the family if they reached out. He said “Lisa yes, mom maybe, everyone else can fuck off”. I was a little surprised and asked why and he said that they basically told him what they really thought of him and his life and interests. He pulled out his phone and showed me the old texts from when I left. Multiple messages from our father calling him a disgrace, disowning him, demanding he return me to them (WTF?! I am not property!), calling him the “Mastermind” of this plot to destroy the family and all sorts of other vile stuff. One uncle mocking his “manliness” for doing things like reading (he likes to read fantasy stuff) as well as his career (engineer) as something not manly enough, one aunt that threatened to cut his balls off as “they are the source of attitude and disobedience”, another uncle that threatened to “beat the shit out of him” if he saw him again (I think Mike would wipe the floor with any one of them). More of the same from grandparents (dads parents) and some other adults on that side. I had received some nasty messages, just not the threats, and was a little shocked overall but he just had a little smirk. When I gave him a questioning look, he just said that it's good to know how people really feel and where you stand with them. When I asked about mom, he showed me her last few messages to him. I was expecting more of the same but it was much different and I am not sure what to make of it. She said “Your father needs you to bring her back right now”. Mike: “I can't do that. You know if I do she will never be able to get out”. Mom: “I know. Please take care of her. I love you both”. Mike: “I will. I love you too mom”. NGL, I cried after that for a bit. So yeah it turns out that my dads whole family is a lot more toxic and despicable than I thought. I still can't figure out moms reaction tho I asked him point blank if he wanted me to take out a loan to cover my expenses for the rest of my time at school and he rejected that immediately. I said that I didn't want him going into debt for me and he said that he wasn't. He pulled up his account and showed me the transaction last month from his savings acct to my school as proof. He said that he wanted me to be able to finish school debt free like he did since it takes so much pressure off. Most of his friends have $40k+ in debt so even tho there is currently a payment pause eventually that will come due. I asked him how he was able to do that and he said he got merit scholarships plus several grants that covered all but about $2k per semester, which he could cover himself and he worked to always have enough money for the difference. We grew up low income, not exactly poverty but definitely at the low end of the middle class. I would have been eligible for need based aid as well but my parents refused to fill out the forms so I wasn't able to get the grants or regular student loans and they wouldn't co-sign a private loan. This is how they were going to force me to stay. When Mike found out, he did the math and figured out that as long as I was able to keep my scholarship to cover tuition, he would be able to cover the rest. It comes out to about $7k a semester that he is covering. I am more comfortable knowing that he isn't going into debt for me and I am definitely making sure I keep my GPA well above the level needed to keep my scholarships. He told me to not worry about the money and to just focus on doing my best. I also found out that he is still sending money every month to our sister - something I knew he did before but didn't realize he was still doing. His response: a shrug and a comment that he was pretty sure the kids aren't eating less. We ended up talking a lot longer than I realized and my roommates came back around 7 and asked if we wanted to get some dinner. I asked Mike if he wanted to stay and keep talking and he said yes. We ordered some pizza and the 6 of us (us plus my 3 roommates and 1 bf) sat in our living room to eat. I could tell this was probably Mikes worst case scenario of being in a group of friends but not really knowing anyone other than me. His body language showed he was uncomfortable and guarded (body tense, head down, shoulders hunched forward) but my friend Nikki made sure to keep him engaged in the convo and after 10-15 min Mike visibly relaxed. He sat back and looked relaxed and was much more forthcoming. I was so happy for him and thought that maybe he is just someone who needs a little more time to really become comfortable enough before opening up and talking freely with new people. He ended up crashing on our couch that night. Sunday morning he took me to breakfast to talk some more before he dropped me off at work. We had a loooooong hug and he thanked me for recognizing that he needed help and that reading the comments and talking about how he felt and coming up with some ideas and plans made him feel better than he had in a long time. I told him that I love him and I am there for him always and reminded him that we are a team in this. After work I called aunt K and we talked about everything. She was happy that I was able to get him to open up and understood that it was probably hard for him to ask for help. She is also going to keep nudging him to be more open and to put himself out there more. So this is where we are now. He has some “homework” to do in finding some new things to try out and just get out and meet people. I also told him that he has to have at least 2 dating accounts opened before we meet up again and I would help him set up a good profile =) I am glad that he doesn't really have many regrets about what we did (I know I don't) and is really focused on moving forward. I know this will be a long and probably sometimes painful process for him but I told him I would be there for him every step of the way. I have also reached out to some of his friends on SM to see if they are willing to talk with me about him. I also want to talk with their SOs, since they know him and I would like a female friend perspective rather than just a sister perspective. Oh, and to the commenter/DM who said I should have sex with him to help him, ummmm not sure what to say other than he's not my type? We arent THAT close? Smh Idk… I guess this counts as my 1 update for this. If anything else happens I can either put it in the comments or my personal page if the post is locked. I would like to sincerely thank everyone who responded for the kind words, love, advice, ideas and insight into things we hadn't realized or considered. It really meant a lot to both of us. Much love for the hive mind! Tl:dr: we talked a lot, it was very emotional for us both and have a least an idea of how to move forward [Edit to the Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Novel_Tap1132/comments/117ilhh/comment/j9ng3kf/) I wanted to respond to a few comments that were made before the post was locked/removed: 1: I am definitely going to talk to the financial aid office about my situation and see if I can be considered an independent student for aid purposes. Thanks for the info on that, I did not know this was a thing. 2: I know he has everyone on blocked except for our mom and sister. I know it hurts him that our nieces are likely going to grow up in that environment. 3: The uber-controlling part of my father didnt really come out until our grandparents (moms parents) permanently moved to AZ. I think since we were all living in their house, it was grandpa that was the "man of the house". Mike was already in college when that happened so he didnt get the full extent of it. This also coincided with my sister "discovering" boys in 8th grade so it could be a combination of both. My male cousins (15 and 16) are already going down the path of my uncles in how they treat their older sisters and it makes me sad that thought process is continuing. 4: He was always a great brother to both my sister and me. He doted on us when we were younger and made time to be with us. When he got a job and then when he came home to visit from college/work, he would take us both out individually for ice cream or something just to talk. This is something mom also did for all 3 of us. Even when we didnt have a lot of money, she took us out once a week to talk about whatever, even if we were just getting $1 McD's drinks and fries to share. 5: I think the dinner/hang out with my friends was the first time I had seen him interact in a casual social way with people he did not know. It really helped me to see how he first acted, stoic and robotic, and then saw him slowly ease into the conversation after a while. My friends made a point to keep him involved. The bf, Rob, even got to talk a little about school stuff since Rob goes to the college that Mike did (they both went to my schools biggest "rival"). It was like as soon as he was able to relax and feel like a part of the room he changed and was able to engage naturally. 6: He agrees he needs to treat his mental, emotional and social health with the same priority and focus that he uses to help those he cares about and work on building new relationships. It will likely be a long and sometimes painful process for him but he knows he has support. 7: He is working on setting up an appt with a therapist through his employers EAP to help him work through some of the issues I brought up in the update. I promised him I wouldnt judge him, but some of the things he said really scared me and broke my heart that he kept so much pain inside. 8: I hadnt seen the family texts he showed me before. They are all from when we first left he just never deleted them. I think everyone is right that my mom is suffering from emotional abuse =( I am worried for her, my sister and nieces in that regard. 9: I plan on, and have already started, doing more facetime/phone calls with him instead of just texts to try and make a more personal connection with him. [More info about OOP's family from u/Novel_Tap1132 herself in the comments of this BORU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11e4ipq/comment/jakpup5/) Hi, I originally posted my story/help request and updates. I got a message that it was posted in this sub and was like OMFG!!! and then the "That escalated quickly" line came through my head. I realized after my original post that I was way too close to the situation to give an accurate assessment of my family dynamic - I was trying to defend my parents at one point so???? I learned a lot by going through the comments here and it made me think. Yes my parents preached a lot about being a good Christian, obeying your father, etc but there was more to it that was pointed out. I feel my fathers family is a lot more narcissistic and controlling than is typical in our community. My mom's family was from the same church and were far more moderate. So looking now its hard to separate the church from the family. But in the end it probably doesnt really matter. For sure, my father was the oldest son, even among his cousins, and was expected to set the example for the rest of the family. That didnt work out so well and was embarassing for the whole family. My father wasnt able to get any further education after high school and has basically worked low wage jobs his whole life. In some contrast, my uncles all went to trade schools and make a much better living than my father, another hit to his pride. My mom eventually got some computer/office software training after I went to school and got a much better job. She make more than my father now, but not so much more that she could support my sister/nieces on her own. My father does not want to raise more kids. He felt he was almost done (I was a senior about to graduate) and the girls were a lot more to handle than expected - this was also mentioned in the comments and is absolutely true. My father and uncles (and apparently my M15 and M16 cousins) act somewhat like an R-rated version of King of the Hill, where they stand around, drink and basically mock and talk shit about everything and everyone they dont like. My cousins are starting to turn into my uncles and my 2 older female cousins (F17 and F19) are desperately trying to get out as well. Lots of talking about family members (not just my brother) behind their backs and lots of drunken boasting. Specifically related to my brother, I think some commenters below are correct that a lot stems from jealousy that he makes more right out of school than they will probably ever make in their current paths. My uncles definitely think that any kind of office job is not "manly" - I have heard this line many times related to Mike. 1 thing I will give my father credit for is that he totally supported Mike's career path - there are plenty of other things my father had issues with but the job was not one of them. I apologize that there was confusion on this. They all openly mocked Mike for his interest in reading, computer games and robotics (he was part of our school's robotics club). They also didn't like that Mike did not like to do things like go hunting or fishing. They all seem to forget that Mike also played football and was a starter at linebacker for our HS team. I dont know how to explain what a "linebacker" is to someone who isnt versed in american football other than someone on a seek and destroy mission for the person with the ball. This is somewhat why I think Mike would tear any one of my uncles apart. Like I said my uncles are good at drunken bragging and I think they would wilt if actually confronted. I think the last thing I want to say is that I am worried about my sister, nieces and mom. So is Mike. He never blocked their numbers. I think if they reached out to him and asked for help, he would instantly go. I dont know if that would be a good idea or not but he would do it. He was a lot closer to mom (a bit of a Mamas boy tbh sorry!) and I think he would do it and figure out the rest later.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11e4ipq/my_brother_m27_saved_me_f20_from_a_life_as_my/

11e4ipq

AITA for not wanting my sons to always come second after my daughter

CONCLUDED

I am not OOP. OOP is u/[Deleted]. Original post: AITA for not wanting my sons to always come second after my daughter? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10ogrzf/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sons_to_always_come/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf posted on r/AmITheAsshole on January 30, 2023 AITA for not wanting my sons to always come second after my Daughter? I (32, m) and my wife (33,f) have three kids. Our twin sons (10) and our girl (8). Normally all of them are sweet, obedient and nice. I consider myself lucky with them. But since a few months I have noticed that my sons are doing everything according to the wishes of my daughter. She wants to play Minigolf instead of going to the cinema. They say Yes. She wants to play tea time with them instead of soccer (they love soccer) and they say yes. Not doing sports but sitting in their sisters room to ,,drink tea“. They literally treat her like their princess and always putting her wishes over theirs. And they get nothing in return!! My daughter is acting like an entitled brat and NEVER asks her brothers what they want to do or play. When I talked to my wife with this, she just said how cute the twins were for adoring their sister so much and that it is good and healthy for them being around her all the time. Her presence is ,,civilizing“ them. She really said this! As if my sons were savages without their sister. She told me to not intervene in their relationship, so I let it go. Yesterday we went Saturday shopping and I allowed each of the kids to buy something nice for them. My daughter picked a pair of very expensive brand rain boots.I told her that she can have something like that for her birthday and she started to cry. And what happened? Her knights showed up and said that they would buy nothing so she could have the boots. My wife (OF COURSE) said awwwwww how sweet of you. This was the moment. I exploded and said nobody is getting anything and we are going home. When we arrived my wife called me an AH who is trying to turn his own children against each other. I told her that she is a hypocrite. If the rolls were reversed she would be furious but since it’s the girl who is getting her way it it okay. We haven’t really talked since. AITA for standing up for my sons and revealing my wife’s favoritism and hypocrisy? EDIT/ Information: To be clear, I never told my sons to stop being nice to their sister. I was careful when talking to them, even when I asked about their moms role in all of this. I never told them to stop playing with her. And I did not really explain Yesterdays ,,Punishment“ **A few comments:** No_Bookkeeper6183 commented: *Have you talked to your sons? Asked them why they indulge their sister?* OOP’s reply: *Yes. I have talked to them several times. They said, that their sister feels sad when they are not playing with her (playing with her of course means playing whatever SHE wants and never what they want) and that they like spending time with her and making her ,,a part“ of them. I directly asked them if their Mother has her fingers in this and instructed them to act this way. They say she didn’t but I can feel that something is going on behind my back.* CrystalQueen3000 commented: *YTA and have seem to have some misogynistic beliefs that are clouding your judgment. They’re being nice big brothers to the baby of the family, stop making this a gender issue* OOP’s reply: *I wonder what kind of comment you would have written if I had two twin girls who are doing everything for their little brother. I would bet that it would have been a different one.* CrystalQueen3000’s reply: *You would bet wrong. The whole tone of your post is weirdly sexist though, you should reflect on that.* OOP: *I am the sexist?! What about the mother who thinks her own sons need to be around their sister all the time to act civilized?* dennizdamenace commented: *Bro, stop watching bald guy with Bugatti or jestertophsinsen videos and see this for what it is: siblings being siblings. Is she coercing them? Bullying them? Forcing them? Or are they just protective of her? Ffs, people call me old fashioned, this new wave of "what if the roles were reversed" is making me cringe. If the roles were reversed, Itd be two sisters adoring their handsome brother. Let your boys love their sister, wth is wrong with you?* **Verdict: YTA** **UPDATES WITHIN POST** UPDATE: I have called my wife from work and apologized for my behavior. She was happy about my call and forgave me. I will went to the stores after work and buy the boots for my daughter and a nice big Lego set for the twins (which they can build up with their baby sister). I will tell my boys that it was and is noble of them to think so much about their sister and that I am proud of them for including her so perfectly and being gentlemen around her. I will not do anything to change the dynamic of their relationship and I feel like an AH and idiot for considering it in the first place. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Daughter but my comments here were written poorly, so I unterstand the accusations of sexism. FINAL UPDATE: My Wife and I had a very good Chat with our Daughter. We encouraged her to take her Brothers needs also in Consideration when planning their activities and return their Generosity and Care. She was very understanding. We made CLEAR that we love to see them together and that nothing expect this point has to change. My wife and I agreed to (silently!) monitor the Situation. Last point. I will do Dad/Daughter weekend next month and wife will do a Mom/Son weekend. Thanks to every one for expressing your opinion. *Marked concluded as OOP has deleted their account*

ashleighbeckham8

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ehg83/aita_for_not_wanting_my_sons_to_always_come/

11ehg83

AITA for not wishing my mom a happy birthday and then not letting her come to our house

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/General\_Nothing\_5798](https://www.reddit.com/user/General_Nothing_5798/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and r/JUSTNOMIL. I fixed a few spelling errors for clarity but not all. Your fun fact to cover up spoilers on mobile: u/Lady_Grey_Smith requested spiders, so I chose what is known as the world's prettiest spider, the Peacock Spider. Peacock Spiders are only found in Australia and are known for their bright colors and the fact that the males 'dance' for the females in mating season. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11461fq/aita_for_not_wishing_my_mom_a_happy_birthday_and/)**: February 16, 2023** I (25M) have a wife (24F) for the sake of the story let's call her Amelia. Amelia and I got married 2 years ago, coming up to 3 years in June. We have recently just had our first baby. A beautiful baby girl. My mom never was a huge fan of my wife for reasons I will never know but I don't care as I love Amelia so much and I've had to defend her against my mom multiple times. My wife's labor lasted much longer then we expected, she started on Thursday evening and delivered our baby on Monday during the very early hours of the morning. As you can imagine it was a long process and she was exhausted and so was I as I wasn't sleeping unless she was asleep. My moms birthday was on the Saturday and she had a whole party planned out. Amelia at this point was in awful pain very consistently meaning I was constantly by her side doing whatever she needed me to do, meaning that the Friday night, we got no sleep so when Saturday came around we both were fighting the sleep and could barely stay awake. Because of this I just completely forgot it was my moms birthday, as I didn't really look much at my phone and if I did it would be for entertainment for my wife and I together. We both agreed before hand that when the time came we would send the initial text that the baby was coming but that would be it and we wouldn't respond to any other text until after. Well my baby girl was finally born and we announced it to our family. Then I got to replying to my messages from the past few days and that's when I saw my mom text about it being her birthday and she sent a few more after, expressing her anger for me not getting in contact. So I called her up apologising but explaining that I genuinely forgot and it wasn't intentional. She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son" which I found really weird to say. From this comment alone I got annoyed and just told her to leave me and my wife alone and that she isn't welcome at our house for the next few days, she can't wait till she's over her fit to see her granddaughter. My whole family have been calling me and asshole and that I am a bad son for not remembering my moms birthday, but I'm an even worse son for not letting her meet her grandbaby. It's annoying because all we want to do is enjoy our new baby together, just the two of us without anyone being a bother. So AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is this the first time your mom has had issues with your wife?* "No its not. She tried to convince me not to marry my wife by bringing up her old Instagram with pictures of my wife and her ex bf" "The thing is she's ruined every relationship she's ever been in and that's why. She's always been toxic to my wife and its not something I can put up with. I've pulled her up on it and she denies it" *Why haven't you called her out on it before?* "I have but she said something along the lines of "I'm your mother you don't get to question me." And went off. We slightly cut contact after that but not enough apparently" *More about mom and OOP's siblings:* "She gave birth 7 times. Idk she claims that she was able to go into labor whenever she really tried to do so and accuses my wife of doing the same. But my wife was overdue anyway so naturally for all the time she was overdue we were trying to start her labor but never meant for it to fall on my mother's birthday weekend" "She lost custody of 4 of my siblings. I don't know them. But no, they are both still teenagers and don't really understand anyone's side other then my moms. Because I don't know what she told my sisters" "She's single, old and lonely and I'm starting to understand why" **Small Update in Comments: February 17, 2023 (next day)** "I agree. I'm glad I made this post as it made me realise just how much I need her out my life for my wife and baby's sake" "This message means a lot to me. Thank you so much. I want my little girl to know how she should always be treated by the man or woman she decides to marry when she's older, I think me showing her that I love her mom by doing things to prove my love will be a great start" *OOP has over a hundred comments, and a lot of them are just really sweet comments about his wife and daughter and how excited he is to be a dad. If you need a smile, go look at those!* ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/118tzff/update_aita_for_not_wishing_my_mom_a_happy/)**: February 22, 2023** Hi, firstly I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and it really made me realise how serious this situation is. I took the advice and decided to post an Instagram and Facebook post before my mom got a chance too. In the post I mentioned what my wife went through and purposely left in that she would never want to forcefully go through that, just to make it clear to my mom and family what the truth is. We announced that whilst we soak up our newborn, that uninvited guest won't be allowed in to our home so please respect out privacy as we take time as a new family. This worked and I got a lot of friends and even some family commenting their congrats to us. My mom has since asked when she can see her granddaughter and we have just said that she will see her when she fixes her attitude toward my wife as my baby won't grow up to see her mother treated like she is nothing, also the fact that my wife never deserved to be hated in the first place. We are going NC for now and are as happy as we could ever be with our new baby girl. About my family, we have sent them a message with the full story, and now they feel really awful about everything. Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor (I dont even think that medication exists) because apparently thats what i said on the phone (Which is obviously not the truth) and my mom started claiming i did that to compete with her. My sisters are only young and didnt question my mom but now have been nothing but supportive, that being said though, i still have my gaurd up for now, just in case. Thank you then again for your advice and all your kind words to me and my wife. We really appreciate it ❤️

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11eukdv/aita_for_not_wishing_my_mom_a_happy_birthday_and/

11eukdv

My Wife thinks I have a low sex drive. Truth is... (New Update)

NEW UPDATE

This is a new update to a story previously shared here. Originally posted by u/imgonnajustthrowthis in r/TrueOffMyChest on Nov 23rd 2022. Newest updates on Dec 22 '22, Jan 5 '23, Jan 27, Feb 6, and Feb 22. Scroll to the 🔴🔴🔴 to skip to the new updates. Acronyms: HLM = High libido male, LLF = Low libido female, DB = dead bedroom. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z2vz0r/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive/) Nov 23rd 2022 My (30m) Wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive. Truth is... So my wife is indeed a beautiful lady. I’m not interested in cheating or going behind her back. She just thinks we don’t have a lot of sex because I have a low sex drive. Truth is, we don’t have a lot of sex because we have it the way she wants it, and little to never how I want it. I’m all for using vibrators and whatever else to get her off as many times as possible. I’m a HUGE fan of oral and can eat front and back for days but she scarcely returns the favor. She once said “if you shower before bed Ill do it.” So for a week straight I made sure I was showered and clean because let’s be real who wants to go down on a smelly person, totally reasonable request. So I would do my oral on her and indicate I’d like to be on the receiving end… to no avail.. I have a high sex drive but she has become a selfish lover and coming from a man, it’s pretty comical to say this. I have no words at this point and I’m pretty close to just giving up sex all together. EDIT 1 Yes I have talked to my wife PLENTY of times about this issue. A lot of you guys said the same thing which hey, emotional maturity is fucking impossible to find but yes. I am wide open with my concerns in more than just the sexual aspect in our Marriage. [2nd Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z4ie1k/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive/) Nov 25th 2022 My (30m) wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive… truth is… UPDATE First things first. Thank you all so much for the love and support and advice. I didn’t expect that post to get so much traction. Apparently it even made its way to TikTok.. Now if you read the last post, and maybe a few others of mine. The TLDR is my wife is a lazy and selfish lover.. and at this point, person. I have been in therapy myself and I’ve tried couples counseling as well. I have brought my concerns to her in a healthy calm manner, and safe to say, I’ve tried pretty much everything. As most of us know, yesterday was thanksgiving… Here’s an update. I’m made my signature dish because it was demanded by my in laws that I make it. We go over for food and such. After we eat I took a little snooze on the couch. My wife woke me up and said “hey, I need you to watch the kids. Im gonna have some wine.” I mean alright no problem. So while she’s drinking and playing games with her family, I got put on kid duty for all the kids (I’m also the fun uncle so like I didn’t really care.) I did care as my wife got progressively more and more intoxicated. When we left I literally had to throw her over my shoulder while carrying both kiddos to the car. We got home, I made her drink water, got the kids around and put them to sleep and helped my wife sober up a bit. We watched some tv and surprisingly, she cuddled into me and thanked me for taking care of her and the kids and she didn’t mean to have so much wine. Alright, I’m always pleased with self awareness. Literally just that little bit washed away any irritation I had. I carried her to bed and laid her down. Got her some water and ibuprofen (and a bucket just in case) got her set up in bed. About two hours later I heard my son crying so I went to get him. He had some nightmares so I got him settled down, put him back to bed. Few hours later my daughter woke up because she peed through her pull up. I got her back to sleep. When I got back into bed my wife was awake. I asked what was wrong? Her response was “I was drunk… and you didn’t even try to do anything to me?” No because even if we are married I’m not going to take advantage of you. That’s pathetic… I laid back down and she said “if you want we can have sex before you go back to bed?” Mind you this was 430, and I was fucking beat and my mental fortitude was gone and this is, In my personal opinion, not the correct way to respond, said “If you want to have sex, you’re gonna have to give me head first. I’m not hard and I’m not doing anything to get it going.” She goes “well I guess Nevermind.” Couple hours later the alarm went off, I got up. Got the kids around and my coffee. She comes out a few hours later dressed and says “why didn’t you wake me up? You were up like 4 times with the kids. I was gonna let you sleep.” Nah it’s okay. You didn’t even budge at my alarm this morning so I figured you still needed to sleep. Why are you dressed? She said the girls want to go Black Friday shopping and was wondering if I wanted to go. Nah. I’ll hang out with the kids and watch movies. They are gonna have a rough day. And that brings me to now. Having a cuddly movie day with my kids who are tired. She’s out shopping. And I need another cup of coffee. TLDR my wife lazily tried to bang me and was turned down. Now I have coffee. EDIT; I posted the third update but it was marked as spam. Currently trying to get that resolved for you guys. Secondly. I posted in the DB Reddit to try and get some tips to help boost her libido, and someone said she may just be using my love of giving oral as masturbation… turns out, dude was spot on. After we had a really good talk Saturday, I’m actually really hurt by her never saying anything. I genuinely at a loss for words. [3rd Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/z6xoy9/30hlm_seeking_advice_about_a_28llf/) Nov 28th 2022 30HLM seeking advice about a 28LLF Hey all. I (30HLM) am looking to reignite my bedroom with my wife (28LLF.) some quick background. I am a giver. I love giving oral so I do go down on her frequently (and I am being serious here, it’s almost daily.) I like to give her one or two before we move on. The issue is, our sex life slowly declined until about mid June.. since then we have had sex a hand full of times, but I still go down on her almost daily. I have no problems getting her to the peak, if you catch my drift, but as soon as she gets one. She just kinda rolls over and doesn’t want to continue. Now, I don’t watch porn (recovered addict and sticking to it) and I don’t masturbate. Any advice to help get her to bring her libido back up to my level? Edit; have, in the short time I’ve posted this, discovered she has been using my love of giving oral as a means of masturbation and also thought that since I loved it so much that it got me off too. 🙃 [4th Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z8cik5/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive_the/) Nov 30th 2022 **My (30m) Wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive. The Trilogy (repost)** Repost since the original was marked as spam. Has since been resolved. So a lot has happened since Thanksgiving/ Black Friday. After we put the kids down on Saturday, I sat my wife down and told her for the first time she’s going to listen to what I have to say and she will not interrupt or say anything back. I explained everything.. how I’m feeling so awful because of her lack of interest. Because of her laziness and how it’s not okay to just simply not exist because I come home from work. I explained it’s not okay anymore to be a selfish lover because I am too good of a man/husband to feel unworthy of love. The rest of the night she didn’t really say much. The following morning, I woke up suddenly to my kids playing in the living room. I instinctively ran out to see what they were into and how big of a mess there was. To my surprise my wife was playing with them. She said she was sorry that she woke me up. She didn’t realize how her lack of attention and interest was hurting me so much. So far so good. Monday rolls around. I posted in the dead bedroom Reddit to maybe get some advice from some LL people on how to get my wife more interested in having sex. Someone suggested maybe she was being a pain in the ass and using my love of giving daily oral as a form of masturbation. I didn’t even think of this possibility until they said something. So I asked bluntly if that’s what she was doing. She responded with yes. That’s what she was doing but figured since I loved it so much that it was okay. That me going down on her multiple times was all I wanted. Nope. I didn’t say much after that and kinda just stared off into space thinking about how I was nothing better than a sex toy to her. I woke up early this morning feeling just horny as all hell so I decided I was going to wake her up with my tongue and give it one last Hail Mary attempt. I got into position and… nope.. she’s too tired. At this point. Seriously. I am really stunned. Help me. Edit - So a lot of you guys have said to stop giving. So last night and this morning I kept to myself. When she rolled out of bed, she was pretty much pissed immediately. She kicked a pile of small boxes that I had neatly put together to take outside for garbage day. She was tossing things that were in her way. Had a short temper towards our kids (this did not fly and you best believe papa bear came out.) and was saying nasty things as I was heading at the door because I didn’t make her her coffee this morning. Edit 2/ update- She cancelled our marital counseling session without telling me so we didn’t go last night. She felt it was a waste of time when there’s “nothing wrong” with our marriage. Took that time to deep clean my kitchen out of anger after my kids went down because I genuinely did not have it in me to even look at her. I have refused to give her any sexual attention and I can see the frustration on her face about it. I’m still holding strong but it really sucks when that was literally the only attention that our marriage had anymore. Pretty much a single dad at this point. [5th Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/zciqui/30m_db_with_28f_i_think_i_have_a_fix/) Dec 4th 2022. 30m DB with 28f. I think I have a fix. So this is a half way update/what I plan to do in a final attempt to fix this. Right now, we have had a DB for years. Whenever we did have sex it was pretty much on her (LLF) terms. Me being HL, for the past 6 months, I have been going down in her almost daily to try and get her libido to match mine. It has not been working so the past few days I have stopped giving. It’s been about 5 days since I done it and my wife is acting short tempered and cranky but has not initiated anything. Last night we got into a big disagreement about some stuff and divorce was put on the table not just because of our DB but because of a plethora of other issues. I have also decided that I am going to up my fitness. I’ve been doing boxing to enjoy the full body work out but now, I am going to do my best to become a certified DILF. I know working out typically can increase libido so I may need some more support from all you wonderful people. If I can get super fit and she still doesn’t find me attractive enough to actually initiate.. then I have no clue what else to do. 🔴🔴🔴 [Dec 22 '22](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zs8rp5/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My (30m) wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive… truth is.. Update 4. I am writing this, sitting in my shower with tears of confusion streaming down my face. After a pretty big fight, I have told my wife to go sleep at her parents house for the next few days. At this point, I’m emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. This is an update, so let me back it up a few days to fill you all in. Saturday December 17th. Discussed with my in laws the previous day to take the kids over to spend the day with them to have a day to ourselves with my wife. Woke up early. Got them dressed, fed and out the door. Dropped them off at their grand parents. Came back, wife was still sleeping. I immediately went to work by picking up the living room, vacuumed, made sure everything was nice and tidy. Went into the kitchen, put away the dishes that were washed the night prior, swept, mopped, wiped down counters where I missed the night before. She came out around 9 am, asked where the kids were, explained and was immediately met with annoyance. Asked why I would just pawn our kids off. They aren’t her parent’s responsibility (we literally never ask her parents for anything which is why they were actually excited to spend the day with them) etc. I made her a coffee, and kept cleaning. Scrubbed the bathroom floor to ceiling every nook and cranny, swept mopped. Cleaned laundry room top to bottom, put away all of our clothes, cleaned both kids rooms… you get the idea. She took a nap at 12. Woke up at 4:30 ish. I had laid out a nice little date outfit for her so we could go out and have a little date. She told me she didn’t feel like going anywhere. Fair enough! Let me cook for you, it’s more intimate that way anyway. Made one of her favorites. Was flirting with her the entire time I was cooking. Opened a bottle of wine, I came into the living room wearing a nice suit… to see the outfit I picked out for her still on the counter… okay. We ate, cuddled up watching a tv show for a little bit and I tried to get a little more intimate and she said she was too tired. Sunday, December 18th. Spent the whole day picking at each and every decision I made. Second guessing everything to the point of me getting a hair line close to blowing a gasket. Monday, Tuesday- typical me waking up with kids, feeding them, working, cooking. Cleaning. Nothing really to report. Today. December 21. I left a roast out for her to put in the slow cooker. I had to leave for work early so I didn’t have the time. Texted her the instructions. If anyone knows, an all day slow cooker roast is literally the most comfort of comfort meals. At least for me it is. I texted her around 3 expressing how excited I was to come home for this roast. “Uhm… I didn’t put it in.” Okay. That REALLY sucks but I’ll do it tomorrow. I asked her to just pull out chicken so it can thaw out. She didn’t even do that. The moment I walked through the door. She went and sat in the shower. While she was in the shower, and I was cooking. My daughter got into her makeup. While cleaning her up I told her she was beautiful enough as is and I didn’t think she needed this! And from the next room my wife yelled at me to not make her feel bad or put her down. So I asked her, how would you like for me to handle this if it happens again. The absolute venom in her response genuinely upset me because it’s an innocent question. This led to us arguing the entire time to ourselves, me trying to hold off until the kids went down. Her yelling in my face. After we got the kids down, I went to her car, started it, came back in and let her yell for a few more minutes and then told her to get the fuck out of my house. That she is done speaking to me like I’m trash. That I deserve better. That I deserve to be loved. That I am a better husband that she ever deserved on her best day. She fought with me on leaving but I got her some clothes, put them in my duffle bag, gave it to her. Phone charger and everything she needed. When she told me she was taking the kids with her, my cool and calm demeanor instantly snapped. I’m not a physically imposing person. I’m not a rude or mean person. I stepped right to her face and without touching her, told her if she thinks she can take my kids from me, she can try. She left. Her dad, whom is a man I have great respect for, came over. Asked for my side. I explained, and he put his hand on my shoulder. Didn’t say a word. Just stood up. Walked to the door turned to me. Tears in his eyes as well, said “I didn’t raise her like that.” So here I am. Mad. Sad. Hurt. Broken. Thank you all for reading and giving me your support. A lot of you said nice things. Some of you called me a doormat. I’m proud to say I stood up for myself and my children. I have already sat down with lawyers to discuss an exit strategy and I’m scared to death I’ll lose my kids. Hopefully next update is a positive one. [Jan 5 '23](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/104ko9j/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My (30m) wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive.. truth is… Update 5 First and foremost wow. All of you, across all platforms are amazing. Thank you to everyone with kind words, support and even the people who message me literally just to see if I’m okay. I’m giving you all my biggest virtual dad hugs. With that being said. The first part of this, is probably going to piss you off but please bare with me. The night after I asked my wife to leave for a few days. Her dad came back over. We had a really good talk about what’s going on with my wife. He (like many of you) came to the conclusion she was depressed. Told her that she needed to get off her butt and get help or she was going to lose her family. Literally nothing I haven’t said to her already 100 times over. It was nearing bed time for my kids and he knew that so he asked if he could take my kids with him that night so they could do Christmas Eve in the morning with them. Mind you this was Christmas Eve Eve so I allowed it. Got their clothes together and sent them on their way. My house was deadly quiet and that was upsetting in its own right. I decided to have a few drinks and asked myself if this is what my life would be if I left her for good. An empty house. No laughter of my kids. Knowing they aren’t sleeping but a few feet from me in a different room. It felt wrong. The following morning I went over to her parents for Christmas Eve. Played the good dad and husband. Got toys gifts for everyone. Spent the whole day doing my best to put on that brave face. When it came time to go, I asked my wife to come home with me. I didn’t want my kids waking up Christmas morning without their mom. I put the kids down. Finished wrapped gifts and went to bed a little early. I got the wife a new copy of Pokémon Scarlet, new headphones (kids broke hers) a new kindle since she wanted a water proof one, and foot warmer since her feet are always cold when she sits at her desk. I got, from her, a new desk mat. Which honestly was spot on I needed it. The next couple of days went well with the except of everything in my house breaking that was related to the toilet and shower. Work week went fine. Just did my normal cooking and cleaning. Then New Year’s Eve rolled around. Put the kids down. I sat with her on the couch told her we need to talk. To figure something out because we both know we are at the edge of a cliff and I’m ready to jump. I tell her to just talk to me. Tell me anything. Tell me she’s depressed. Tell me there’s something wrong. Hell I will even take you telling me you’re having an affair because hey at least you’re talking to me. What she said next kinda rocked me. She said she loves me ate the father of her kids but she doesn’t love love me anymore and she’s been trying to figure out how to say it for months. She used me as a tool to get her orgasm, she took out all her frustration out on me, used me as a punching bag and it pissed her off knowing that no matter what she did, that I never stopped being warm. Never stopped being kind. Never stopped being thoughtful. Never for a day decided to stoop to her level. She thought that I was no longer interested in her physically since I stopped initiating the intimacy. I corrected her. She objectified my love of giving. She told me no too many times. She treated me like I was some idiot who at no point knew what I was doing when it came to every day tasks. No one wants to have sex with someone who is constantly making them feel unworthy. We came to the conclusion that we both are here for the kids. It’s unhealthy and not fair to either of us. It’s not fair to the kids. I’ve been watching single dad videos and looking at other subreddits, forums… basically everything and I’m terrified of the next steps. We both agreed that if divorce came the pass that we would be as amicable as possible for our kids. We don’t want any resentment or unkind feelings to get in the way of what’s best for them. I am already in therapy. I’m encouraging her to get some as well. I need to sleep but I haven’t slept right since. Even as Im writing this I’m in bed feeling pretty numb. I’ll respond to comments on here when I have the energy. I’ve been getting a lot of TikTok people so I made an account so I can read comments and respond there as well. Again. Thank you all for your support and advice. You have no idea how much it means. Edit. Noticed a couple of typos. kids went over on Christmas Eve Eve. We did Christmas Eve at her parents house. Christmas at my house. I apologize for the confusion there. [Jan 27](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10mwe2f/i_feel_like_im_losing_my_mind_lately/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I feel like I’m losing my mind lately. With everything going on with going through the motions of divorce, trying to get debt paid off, some medical issues going on with myself and my son, work… I’m just feeling like I’m constantly at the tipping point of my sanity. The only people I can normally vent to are mutual friends and I don’t want anything to get back to my wife. I’m afraid of the custody battle ahead of me with my kids. I’m frustrated all the time. I have a lack of motivation to keep up with my daily chores. I’m just spread really thin at this point and I have no idea what to do. Im trying to keep my head up and keep a brave face of the kids, but really I just feel like I’m drowning. [Feb 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10vkkyc/i_am_at_my_wits_end_with_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I am at my wits end with this. For anyone who has been following my story, let’s all collectively heavy sigh. I’ve have had a migraine for almost week due to a pinched nerve in my back. It has been causing me a lot of discomfort. I got my kids cold over the weekend so let’s add in the sinus pressure of a cold and you got a recipe for a grumpy and strained person. I’m not the type of person to ask for help with chores or a break from my kiddos. However yesterday, during their nap time I decided to take one as well. The wife came and laid in bed with me and when the kids woke up about an hour and change later, I asked my wife if she would get them so I could rest a little more. A simple and eloquent “No.” came out. Okay then I got up got the kids, watched a movie and relaxed. Started up dinner, (approx 2 hours after I woke up) she came out and sits on the couch and I hear her scrolling through tik tok. I finish up dinner and she comes in the kitchen and goes “you know we have leftovers. Let’s just do that.” Since I made penne pasta, I just threw it in a glass pan and said sure we can have this tomorrow so I don’t have to cook. Fast forward to us putting Down the kids. After we did that, I asked If she would be willing to do the dishes for me. She laughed and said “no fucking way.” Okay well I’m not doing them either. This morning she sent me two pictures. One of the trash can which was full and the other of the full sink with the message “this is unacceptable.” Admittedly. I forgot to grab the trash this morning I did tell her I’d take it out but I genuinely forgot. I explained I’d take it out when I got home and do the dishes. Her response was “instead of being lazy and not doing anything. Next time just ask for help if you’re not feeling well.” When I read that message I audibly laughed. I texted back simply “I asked for help twice. Twice I was told no. I’ll handle it when I get home.” To which she sent a flurry of “oh I’m the worst partner. I’m just the shittiest. I’m a bad wife…. Etc.” I get if you don’t want to pull your weight but… now we out here gaslighting. I am reminded daily why I am on the exit pa th with this woman, but every single day I am more and more worried about what is gonna happen with me and my kids. I’m fighting for them obviously but to say it’s an uphill battle is a goddamn understatement. [Feb 22](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/119hsmo/my_30m_wife_28f_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My (30m) wife (28f) thinks I have a low sex drive.. truth is… Final Update Hey all! I appreciate everyone of you for following along with me on this… journey.. I come bearing good news. To catch everyone up since the last update, it’s been your standard wife just vibing while I clean, cook, take care of the house, and everything else. For the past few weeks I’ve been working on myself. Working out, eating better, drinking more water, just really focusing on me when the kids aren’t around. Last night it really came to a head, however. I’ve been having a depressive spell the past few days and really just have no motivation for anything extra. She looked at me and asked me “Why do you look so down these past couple of days.” It could have been the sleep deprivation, or depression, honestly I don’t know but I responded with “It’s really hard to be happy when you’re around.” We sat for a little bit in silence and I just told her that I’m tired of constantly being belittled, yelled at, treated like I’m never good enough while she sits on her perch and a broken record and barks orders. I told her I know we don’t want the kids in daycare but we need to figure something out because I’m done. I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore. I don’t want to be her husband anymore. I don’t know what I’m gonna do next. I don’t know what the future holds. What I do know is I’m going to be going through with the divorce. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be loved. I’m terrified of the upcoming battle for my kids. I’m excited to renter the dating pool… kinda.. not exactly. But again.. all of you, thank you for your kind messages and support. I’ll be sure to check in from time to time. *I think this is still ongoing, even though OOP is declaring this the final update. Let me know if you disagree* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11f7krs/my_wife_thinks_i_have_a_low_sex_drive_truth_is/

11f7krs

[AskAManager] a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother … and he’s freaking out

EXTERNAL

I am not the OP. The original was a question sent to Alison from askamanager; as per her request, her advice has been omitted, and only the letter and update will be posted here. Mood spoiler: >!Somewhat infuriating because of HR, but ultimately hopeful for OOP!< --- [ORIGINAL](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/a-dna-test-revealed-the-ceo-is-my-half-brother-and-hes-freaking-out.html) - 30/01/2023 > My dad gave the whole family DNA ancestry kits for the holidays, and it turns out the CEO of the company I work for is my half-brother. > Dad’s not the kind of guy to gift everyone DNA kits as a way of telling us he had a secret love child, so I don’t think he knew he had another kid. We’re all grown-ups and know where babies come from and that things aren’t always what we expect, so I have a feeling this is a shock to everyone. The CEO’s company bio says he’s a “proud Texan, born and raised.” Dad was stationed in Texas ten years before he met and married my mother. The timeline all fits and so do the genes, I guess. > None of my siblings have initiated contact and neither has Dad. > I’ve met the CEO a few times but he works out of the corporate headquarters across the country from the smaller division where I work. About a week after I got my results, an email went out from the head of HR stating that all staff had to take a refresher training on nepotism. The training also included a new clause that said something like “staff are not entitled to privileges personal or professional if familial relation by genes or marriage to executive or management staff is known or unknown or discovered during employment.” Other than being clunky verbiage, I felt like it was aimed at me. I found out no other branch had to retake the nepotism training and the email only came to our office. My manager later pulled me in personally to ask if I had any questions about the policy. She was vague and uncomfortable, and I said I wanted to know why nobody else was brought in 1:1 to talk about the policy and why no other branch had to do the training. She just kind of ignored the question and said she was just following instructions, so now I think this was aimed at me. > I’m happy to drop the whole thing. I’m sure he feels as uncomfortable as I do about this, but to weaponize HR and make my coworkers waste a whole day on mandatory training just to put up a boundary seems messed up. A simple personal email of “Hey, I saw this. I don’t know what to make of it. Please give me space and don’t bring it to work” would have sufficed. Even ignoring it would have been fine by me too since I wasn’t sure I wanted to be the one to initiate a conversation about this without having talked to my dad first. Dad has gotten his results back, obviously, and he’s avoiding the conversation. This is a big elephant in the room made a little harder by the fact that I work for this guy. > What bothers me the most is that weaponizing HR with the intent to make sure I know not to ask for perks feels messed up. I’ve been with the company for five years and have a great reputation. At least I did. What do I do? Alison asked if the CEO would have gotten a notification: > Yeah, the company is about 200 full-time employees mostly in our two states. He follows a lot of employees on LinkedIn and I’m in a marketing role so my team is in touch with corporate a lot. I’ve only met him in person a few times, but some projects bring me in close proximity to him and his direct staff. The DNA test has an app, and you get notifications regularly via email and I think push notifications on your phone if you opt-in. I have no way of knowing what he opted into, so I assumed he didn’t know until the weird training. > He has now blocked me on LinkedIn and all social media, and has blocked all my siblings and my parents. I think the jig is up. How do I make sure my job is secure? The gist of the advice is to maybe leave a note acknowledging the DNA test, maybe ignore it, maybe go to HR and invoke the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act, but definitely look for a new job. [UPDATE](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/03/update-a-dna-test-revealed-the-ceo-is-my-half-brother-and-hes-freaking-out.html) - 01/03/2023 > My short update is that he 100% tried to fire me. The long update is complicated but this month has been unbelievable. > Just after my question was posted, my boss “Katie” met with me and told me she was aware of the situation and didn’t agree with how the CEO and HR had been handling it in regard to the nepotism training. I told her my only plan was to forget about it for the time being and she supported that. She told me to come to her if anything changed. > Things were quiet for a week until a major project I was working on was deleted from the company drive. It was a coincidence that I had backed it up on a USB. Katie was suspicious about my project getting deleted and told me to save everything to an external drive and my hardware, and sure enough, the project got deleted again. After that, anything I put on our work servers was getting deleted within hours, as well as any correspondence with clients or my team members. I started sending all my work communication and attachments to Katie and duplicating them on a USB that Katie kept locked in her office. It was like a James Bond movie. > After a mid-month project meeting where I showed up with all my work on a USB drive HR pulled me in because “an anonymous concern” was raised about me “hiding” my work from my colleagues and tried to write me up. Katie must have known something like this was coming because she handled it and BCCd me on all her correspondence with HR and the executive team outlining her concerns about the CEO’s and HR’s behavior regarding the DNA results and that she believed someone was remotely accessing my work computer to delete things. The company VP was horrified. Up until this point, I didn’t know CEBro wasn’t the owner of the company. > Katie and I had a call with the VP that day, who assured me that the owners were being made aware of the situation and that my job was not in jeopardy. The VP also apologized for the write-up attempt and the fact someone was obviously remotely accessing my work hardware. That was on a Friday, and my attempted firing was the following Monday. > CEBro’s mom contacted Dad on the homefront as all this was happening at work. I won’t get into what was said but the gist is Dad was set up as an unwitting donor for a childless couple. As a family we decided to support Dad and just drop it because we didn’t ask for the complete Jerry Springer package, we just wanted to know what part of Ireland Grandma was from. > The Monday after Dad spoke to CEBro’s mother, I was walking through the lobby when HR literally ambushed me and loudly fired me in front of a client and like twenty of my colleagues. Security escorted me out in front of my friends and colleagues who had no idea what was happening so that was pretty dark and humiliating. Katie stopped me on the way to my car and brought me back in for a video call with her, the VP, and the owners of the company. I explained what had happened since I got my DNA results back, the nepotism training, and editing as much of the personal stuff as I could for my Dad’s sake but the whole thing was humiliating. I was unfired but asked to turn in my badge, as both CEBro and I were suspended pending a full investigation by the owners and their lawyer. I was suspended with pay, which HR vehemently protested against. The suspension lasted a week and I had planned to spend that time looking for another job but I just didn’t have it in me. > CEBro did not return after the suspension. I was offered my job back with an apology but I opted not to go back either and have been freelancing and taking some downtime because the last month has sucked. I did accept a generous severance package, so at least they tried to do the right thing. > While some of this sounds flippant, there have been a lot of tears and stress and freaking out because this was a LOT. I don’t like being under a microscope at work or feeling like I’m “in trouble” so it was really increasing a lot of anxiety. I was also hurt because I loved that job and my team and being marched out by security felt awful. Dad feels guilty this turned into me almost losing my job, but none of this is his fault at all. In all of this, I have to say the people I resent the most in this situation were the two goblins in HR who knew they were doing the wrong thing every step of the way and openly enjoyed the drama of it all. Rumors have reached me that both the people in HR are connected with CEBro in some way — like former college friends or exes or something. I wish them the future they deserve. --- Flaired as EXTERNAL because it's from askamanager; otherwise I would probably label this as concluded, as I don't foresee any more updates. Reminder: I'm not OP.

supertoasty

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11fnazi/askamanager_a_dna_test_revealed_the_ceo_is_my/

11fnazi

My (ex) boyfriend told me he will cheat on me while we were having sex

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/greedy_bet3141 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Feb 22, 2023, updated Feb 23rd. Cat fact to hide trigger spoilers: Did you know that a cat with the top tip of his ear removed means that they have been properly vetted? TNR (Trap Neuter Return) is a branch of animal rescue where community cats (strays) are trapped, checked out by a vet and given all of their appropriate vaccines, spayed or neutered, and then returned to their community. The vet safely removes the ear tip while they are under anesthesia. This is to give a quick visual confirmation to future rescuers that this lil dude has already been sterilized. I'll place some more info about why ear tipping is done in a comment below and in the pinned post on my profile. If you have a stray in your neighborhood, contact your local TNR organization for help. Trigger Warning: >!Violent sex, abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting; mentions of cheating, human trafficking!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1191xvp/my_ex_boyfriend_told_me_he_will_cheat_on_me_while/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My (ex) boyfriend told me he will cheat on me while we were having sex I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 2.5 years now. Our relationship didn't have any problems. Until recently he started to being less intimate with me. He blames it on work and other things. We hardly get time for each other. I once sat him down to talk to me. I expressed my feelings that we are not having sex as often as we did and that we should have something to talk about it. We had hours long talk and came to a solution that we should track back to the times we started dating. He was good to me. He brought me flowers and left me love notes. We had more passionate sex. But that stopped after 3 weeks. I thought this time we should have a serious talk about our relationship and where it is going. I tried to talk to him, he just told me he was really exhausted. I know people would normally tell me that he is cheating on me but I have yet to get any suspicion of it. We still know each other's passwords. I haven't found anything yet. After weeks of withholding sex and intimacy from me he was very lovey-dovey. He would cook for me and clean the house without even me having to tell him. He was very intimate with me. That day he set up a romantic mood for me and pampered me. So we took things to our bedroom. He was really gentle at first but then got rough. It felt good. We were going through a dry spell during that time. When I was about to finish, he choked me and said "I will cheat on you, you fucking slut." I froze. I didn't finish but he did. I don't know what came on to me. I was filled with rage. I kicked him out of my bed. And he had the nerve to act shock like he hasn't done anything wrong. I was screaming "Get out". I was on full rampage. I was pushing him out of my bedroom not caring he was only able to get his underwear and that I was naked. I was able to kick him out in the middle of the night and told him to never show his face or I will kill him. We do not live together so no he won't be homeless. I am still a bit shaken of what happened. He kept blasting my phone that I overreacted. [Update 1 day later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/119x2qh/my_ex_boyfriend_told_me_he_will_cheat_on_me_while/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) My (ex) boyfriend told me he will cheat on me while we were having sex (update) I didn't realize I had to give an update so soon. But my stupid braindead ex finally gave a "justification" to why he said that. I think it's worth to know because I am still thinking about it. So, last night, he texted me and said that he wants to apologise for what he has done. He told some of his friends hoping that they would take his side but most of them said he was crazy and stupid. So, I arragned a meet up at a random restaurant. I will not risk him being at my home after what he did. I also took his stuff in a bag. I am done with him. No matter what excuses he have it's not enough to justify what he did. So today we met for lunch. And he immediately begged for forgiveness as soon as he saw the bag full of his stuff. He told me he made a mistake. He was stupid to think this would actually work on me. He only realised he was wrong when his friends told him he was a psycho for saying something like that. I asked him why did he think something like this would actually work? That SOB gave the most dumbest explanation in the human history. He has been watching a lot of manosphere podcasts mostly for financial advice. He started watching a very infamous person who is now in jail for human trafficking (I can't say his name because I once got a warning. But you guys know who he is). He is a tater tot. So my ex told me he saw one of his video where he teaches how to "reprogram" a woman. That's why he has been withholding sex. And only giving me intimacy in random times when I was very vulnerable. Oh and the part where he chokes me and says "I will cheat on you." was also from that tater tot video. My bonehead ex explains that if you tell a girl that you will cheat on her while she is about to finish, it will be programmed into her brain. So the next time you cheat or mention cheating it will make her horny. And she will not revolt. Look, I have been taking computer programming classes online for a while. But I know for sure that this is not how programming works. But anyways, I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I asked him why did he feel the need to say it? He told me he was afraid I will cheat on him so he wanted to create this in my head so that I never think about cheating on his. But he swears that he will not cheat on (yeah sure I believe that). My blood was boiling. I wanted to yell but swallowed all my anger. At the end I stood up and told him "Well, now you know it doesn't. And word of advice, stop following a human trafficer and stop taking relationship lessons from a guy who is toxic and has an IQ equivalent to a potato. Otherwise you will have to date your right hand for the rest of your pathetic existance." He whined and said to give him a second chance and I just told him I would rather stick my head in a hornet's nest than give an incel manchild like him a second chance. He is 28. Almost in his thirties and still listens to men like tater tot. He has no personality for himself. He just borrowed his from a sex trafficker. Well, that's it. I cannot believe I was dating a tater tot. I think I need to take several showers now. I didn't even ask him if he was cheating or not but does it really matter now? Edit: So I have beem getting messages and some comments mainly people who are supporting me. I wanna say thanks. I know it's a really stupid thing that someone would say something like that while they were having sex. It is hard for me to believe it still. But I guess some people are just as stupid as my ex. *From your reposter: I saw a comment asking if anyone had a link to the vid in question. I took one for the team and found it. All of those trigger warnings again because this Tate ish is just vile but [here](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jrYv70KMxLs) it is.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11fuwuo/my_ex_boyfriend_told_me_he_will_cheat_on_me_while/

11fuwuo

OP: "AITA if I tell my friend her BF is planning to propose?"

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***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/aita_if_i_tell_my_friend_her_bf_is_planning_to/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole **(February 15th 2023).** **AITA if I tell my friend her BF is planning to propose?** My (27f) best friend has been dating her boyfriend (26m) for over 5 years. Awhile back he reached out to me to help figure out ring size and the set up so he could make this the most magical day for her. Having known my friend for over 20+ years, I know exactly how she wants her proposal to go and who she wants to be there, so I relayed all this information to him months ago via texts and over the phone. I even took the time to covertly find and confirm which ring she would love the most. A little background: My friend is INCREDIBLY family and friend oriented, and in the past expressed to me on multiple occasions (especially during holiday season) that in the 5 years they’ve been together, he hasn’t really made much of an effort to indoctrinate himself into her family or friendships the way she has for his. While I do generally like him, i have always felt that he is incredibly self-serving and self-focused. Recently, through a mutual friend, I found out he started a group text between his (emphasis on HIS) friends and his family to set up the time and date of the proposal. He has not only excluded myself (and according to the screenshots I’ve seen, he is doing everything VERBATIM I suggested he do) but he has completely excluded her family and other close friends from the event. He is planning on only having his “boys” and family present for the occasion, and knowing my friend this would ultimately break her heart not being able to share this moment with her loved ones. I got a heated and called him. At first he was dodging my questions, then just out right said “this is my proposal and I’ve spent enough time and money to choose how I do it, just be happy for your friend. It’s not like you’re not coming to the wedding.” This INFURIATED me, and to make matters worse, I ran into her mom and dad at the grocery store and subtly asked if they knew of any possibility she was getting engaged. They were unaware, and I know for a fact my friend has told him that he needs to ask her parents for their blessing (she’s somewhat traditional). My friend wears her heart on her sleeve, and I can predict how this event will go down when she sees all of his close friends and family and none of hers. Considering her previous sentiments about his lack of interest in her family/life, she will 100% see this as being hurtful and selfish and I know she’ll cry. To make matters worse, the location of the proposal is a whopping 30 minutes from her parents home. I don’t want to get involved in a fight or reveal the surprise, but on the other hand I feel I owe it to my life long friend to help her avoid being hurt and disappointed, maybe even helping her rethink what her future would look like with someone who just doesn’t really appreciate what she values in life. So, AITA if I tell my friend her boyfriend is going to propose? EDIT: I did not tell her parents, I \~covertly\~ inquired if he had spoken to them yet about proposing since it’s been 5 years, like in a joking way. Edit 2: the proposal is scheduled for this weekend, I will give you guys an update on how it goes. After so many responses, I have decided not to say anything and to let things play out. I gave him an opportunity by expressing the need to invite her parents and friends like she’s always wanted, and he chose not to - that’s on him, not me! &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*DO NOT TELL HER. As much as you know her and want this proposal to go as planned, it is ultimately up to her boyfriend how he wants to do it. If your friend is disappointed, then that can be her sign to discuss with her fiancé about moving forward. It is not your place to tell her or intervene at this point.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8o7hny/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP's response:** >> >>*Since this is the top comment so far, I’m hoping my response here will be seen by the masses: fellow redditors, let me make this super super clear, you’ve convinced me 10 fold not to say anything to her and to let things play out as they should!!! I have done the extent of what I can by trying to reach out to him, and he decided not to listen to me, that’s on him. It’s not my place to initiate a fight/problem and possibly ruin things before they even happen. Trust me when I say, I am not going to go through with it! I see now that this is 1000% not my place regardless of my loyalty and relationship with my friend and would be making things far worse by interjecting myself where I have no right to be.* >> >>*On a side note, I really just want you guys to understand that at the end of the day I’m a stranger to you, but more importantly, just like you, I’m only human. Please don’t make hurtful assumptions on my character or my relationship with my friend based on a very brief summary of the situation. I know as well that this is the internet, and by posting here Ive essentially invited such declarations on myself. But I came here for advice since I was admittedly operating in an emotional state, and nothing good comes from making decisions when you don’t have a clear state of mind. All I ask is that you please be respectful and know that I have read and acknowledged that this has certainly earned a YTA judgement. Please just try for a moment to understand that we all have people in our lives we care deeply for and want only the best for them, and when we worry for them it can sometimes obstruct our judgement. This doesn’t make me a bad person or friend, just utterly and completely misguided!* &#x200B; >*Don’t tell your friend. I completely understand why you want to but hear me out. Let this dude show his true colors. If you get in the middle you em seem petty and jealous. Let him propose his way and when your friend comes to you and complains you can kindly and gently tell her that you tried to get him to incorporate her friends/family. Then you can gently ask her if she wants to spend the rest of her life with a man who doesn’t honor her wants/desires. I repeat JUST LET THIS PLAY ITSELF OUT. YWBTA if you interfere prior to the proposal* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8o7tc5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Oh, hell, let the guy royally fuck up his proposal. It’s not like you haven’t warned him.* > >*You can’t tell him anything, anyway. I hope your best friend sees her intended and all his family flying the red flags.* > >*Sadly, YWBTA.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8o8wng/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Ughh. I’m so sorry about this. I don’t think you should tell her. YWBTA if you ruin the surprise.* > >*However, this is a CYA situation.* > >*Write him a heartfelt letter about the proposal. You would be sending the email to him but really you’re writing to your friend—because this is the letter you want to show her AFTER the proposal so she knows exactly what kind of person she’s with. Mention that you’re so happy he reached out to you to get her the ring she loves. It’s very important that you sound VERY supportive of their relationship—do not let even an ounce of frustration show. Emphasize how much her family means to her and how she’ll be absolutely heartbroken if they’re excluded. Tell him there’s time to fix it. Write it for your friend’s eyes.* > >*Then when your friend comes crying to you and wonders if she should forgive him for ”not knowing” how important these things were to her, you can give her definitive proof that he did know and he didn’t care.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8oehru/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*YTA* > >*Stay out. Far far away. Let this play out. It's between them. You should not have told her parent either.* > >*If she hates the proposal she can say no.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8o79ne/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP's response:** >> >>*I didn’t tell her parents to clarify - it was a jovial conversation. Basically asked “it’s been five years, has he reached out to you guys yet about proposing?” Swear to god I haven’t given it away or involved anyone else, I wouldn’t do that.* &#x200B; >*NTA* > >*BUT... don't stop him. He's showing his true colours. Let him do it.* > >*You shouldn't stop her from experiencing this, even if it ends up hurting her, but you can be there to help her pick up the pieces if you are right about how this plays out* > >*Just be ready with the pint of ice cream and some girly films for if/when it all goes wrong.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/comment/j8obyih/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; ***Judgement: YTA.*** &#x200B; [**Update post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11avzan/update_aita_if_i_tell_my_friend_her_bf_is/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole **(February 24th 2023).** **UPDATE: Aita if I tell my friend her bf is planning to propose?** Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/aita\_if\_i\_tell\_my\_friend\_her\_bf\_is\_planning\_to/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/aita_if_i_tell_my_friend_her_bf_is_planning_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) To everyone who told me to keep my mouth shut, thank you. So on Saturday, the day of the proposal, I got a call from her boyfriend. He was SCREAMING at me, BLAMING ME for not showing up (uninvited still) to the proposal with her parents because she was upset they weren’t there… I was fucking slack jawed. I told him I knew this would happen, and He says VERBATIM “you just admitted you knew this would happen, so If you knew the whole time and you actually cared about her, you would have invited them.” I was Gob smacked and hung up on him. Not even an hour later I get a call from her asking me to come to her parents. According to her, this is how the situation played out: he popped the q, she said yes and the people he invited popped out from hiding. She was bombarded by 4 of his guy friends, his mom, dad, older brother and his sister in law. His parents were holding a sign that read “welcome to the family, Mrs.(insert his last name here)” and this is where things go down hill. I did not know this before (and I thought I knew everything), but my friend doesn’t want to change her last name, and she’s told him that repeatedly since they got together. She’s an only child from a Ukrainian family and with everything going on with Ukraine in the last year she’s doubled down. When she saw the sign she joked “Mrs.(his last name)? I think you mean Mrs.(her last name)!” Everyone went silent until his mom said “Well the ring is already engraved, no changing it now!” She takes the ring off and see’s “Mrs.(his last name)” engraved on the band. Then she asked if her parents were coming. He gave every excuse: He didn’t have their number, there were too many people there, he wanted to keep it private and eventually said “This was my proposal to you and now My family is your family. We can just send your parents the pictures later.” SHE TOOK THE RING OFF AND LEFT. That’s when I’m assuming I got that call from him. She went straight to her parents. She asked them about the engagement, they were clueless. She then asked if I knew anything. I asked if she was in the right place, she said she was, so I told her I would answer any question she had (rather than dumping everything on her). She was upset but thanked me. She was furious when I told her about the call from him earlier and said “does he really think I’m that shallow?” She said it wasnt about having a perfect proposal or her parents there, it was about him making the whole thing about himself as always and she was done feeling ignored and belittled. So this was her breaking point. She’s staying with her parents currently and has been receiving texts from him. The worst one so far is him telling her she has to pay him back for the ring and for ruining his life. Right now, all I can do is be here for her, and whatever decision she makes, I will fully support because, as you’ve all helped me realize, this isn’t about me, it’s about her. Not my monkey, not my circus. Edit: she gave him the ring back when she took it off, I didn’t include that because I was at the 3,000 character limit already. EDIT 2 (update): I did not mention this plan when I originally posted just in case her ex found this thread, but I can report now that we got a heads up last night that he wasn’t at their apartment, so we ran over and got most of her shit out, at least all the really important stuff. To those asking, no she isn’t going back to him, it’s over. &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*I dont know what happened before but i really hope this poor girl sees these glaring red flags and ends things with him.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11avzan/comment/j9ucwu9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Good! If you had intervened & showed up with her parents, she probably would have married him & spent a few years feeling ignored & belittled, all the while believing y'all had his back, not hers.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11avzan/comment/j9udsbu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*They dated for 5 years and he claims he doesn’t have her parents’ number? Yeah he’s a self centered AH and she’s better off without him. Too bad she wasted so much time.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11avzan/comment/j9ums9g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*I believe technically if he still has the engagement ring she doesn't have to pay squat because he can return it (assuming he still has the receipt) so yeah That dude is definitely an AH* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11avzan/comment/j9uevqj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP's response:** >> >>*Oh yeah she doesn’t have it, she gave it back when she took it off* &#x200B; **Marking it as concluded since it appears OOP's friend has dumped the guy for good. Please refrain from reaching out to the OOP as it is against the rules!** &#x200B; # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a respost.

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11gluz6/op_aita_if_i_tell_my_friend_her_bf_is_planning_to/

11gluz6

WIBTA for refusing to babysit my boyfriends daughter while her mother gets chemotherapy?

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I am not The OOP, OOP is [FineLobster6036](https://www.reddit.com/u/FineLobster6036?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Trigger warning: >!Death!< WIBTA for refusing to babysit my bf's daughter while her mother gets chemotherapy? Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10elpe1/wibta_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_bfs_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  Jan 17, 2023 Sorry for my English, I hope the whole thing is going to be somewhat understandable. I'm also very angry atm, so forgive any mistakes. My BF (male, mid-thirties) has a daughter G (10) with his ex-wife, T. The ex-wife is fighting a very aggressive form of brain cancer. Now, a bit of back-story. T and I never did get on well. I met my BF while he was in the proceedings of their divorce, and I think she's always thought we had an affair long before then. She hates me a lot, and so does G. I've been called a home-wrecker, a slut and other nice things ever since I first met them. Now, my BF is usually very quick to shut down their bullshit, but he adores his daughter and still cares about ex-wife (they've been together 15 years, and been friends since their childhood). Ever since the diagnosis, he's been the one driving ex-wife to medical appointments and such, and he's asked me the favor to look after his daughter while he's with T. He knows what a huge favour it is (he's thanked me profusely every time) and I know how much he needs my help. Everything went to shit a few hrs ago, when I was asked to bring G back to her mother's house. T started saying I must be glad she's dying, because I can keep BF to myself now. She said I must be happy, because now I get to keep her daughter and pretend she's mine. She said a lot of ugly things, and BF didn't do anything to correct her. I stayed really quiet, because to be frank I was incredibly shocked. Still am, tbh. When we got home I lost it with him and told him I wouldn't keep his daughter any longer, not if he allowed T to talk to me in such a manner. He said I'd be a huge asshole if I went through with this because T has just found she's only got few weeks left and not the months she'd previously thought. Is he right? WIBTA if I stopped babysitting his daughter? ​ 2ND EDIT- So, thanks. I've read all your comments and thought about all the points you made. I will continue to look after the kid (TBH, I think I never had any actual intentions of stopping. In my anger, I just wanted my BF to listen to me for a moment) and I think I need to have a chat with my BF. I haven't seen him yet since the fight, because he's had to go back at his ex's shortly after. We'll see. Maybe I'll do an update once things settle down. Thank you, again. I appreciate your help. ​ [Edit-Thanks for taking the time to share your opinions, folks. I am very surprised and grateful and appreciate everyone's insight. I'm a bit more level headed at the moment, so I'll take the time to expand on some points I've seen brought up in the comments. - No, my BF and I did NOT have an affair. I can't believe I have to say this. Their divorce was almost finalized when we met, and the reason they divorced was that they'd been growing more and more distant, to the point where Ex-Wife had an extramarital affair and BF didn't even care. I trust him, because he's shown me again and again the truthfulness of his words. -His daughter was always going to be a part of my life, I knew that since the very beginning. My BF and his daughter have always been very, very close. We sat down a while ago, after Ex's diagnosis, and talked it out. There are no doubt his daughter was always coming to live with us, after her mother's death. And one thing- I love my boyfriend, and so I care deeply about the people he loves, too, which include his daughter. I care for the kid a lot, and have tried and was always going to keep trying to build a relationship with her. It's the daughter who wants nothing -and i repeat, NOTHING- to do with me. -I am under no delusions about what our future will be like. The kid has always been my BF's priority (rightfully so) and I know she's going to need her dad a lot after her mother passes. I also know my BF is going to be grieving heavily, and was ready to support him fully. -My BF was able to just stand there and watch as his ex-wife spouted so much anger and sheer hatred at me that I was struck dumb. I have never seen anything like it. And he just stood there, watching me in tears as this woman kept yelling and yelling. He didn't do a thing, not even guide me out of the room. It felt much like a betrayal, to be honest, and the fact that he was not even a bit understanding afterwards has made me reconsider pretty much everything. -I am sorry, but I cannot excuse completely ex-wife for her past behaviour. BF says she's always been very headstrong and jealous, and he never found anything weird with her. Her behaviour started changing around six months ago, and we all started noticing then.] [Update 1 month later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11anu3g/update_wibta_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_bfs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Feb 24, 2023 Idk whether someone even remembers my original post, but I received lots of great advice in the comments and I figured I owed you guys an update. Lots has happened in the meanwhile, so I'll try to keep it short. First. I sat my BF down for a chat as soon as I saw him again (which was the day following our discussion). He agreed that we needed to talk, and told me he was sorry for calling me an asshole, that that he had been so much in shock that he hardly even remembered the whole fight in the first place. I told him I could understand that, and told him I love him and wanted to be there for him and support him throughout this ordeal. I also added, though, that I would need him to be able to stick up for me in the future, even against his daughter, who would be grieving and in a lot of pain. I told him to think about it, and let me know, and also said that I would keep his daughter for as long as he needed me to independently from his answer. He asked me to marry him on the spot (no ring or anything, but he was crying and it was very sweet), so now we're engaged and relatively happy. Second. T passed away a week later. I followed your suggestion, and didn't see her again. G is living full time with us now, and I have what I think are if not good, hopeful news. Ten days after her mother's death, she broke down in hysterics because she wanted her mom. It was an incredibly sad moment. She kept yelling insults at me and crying and again yelling at me. I was in tears, because seeing a child in that much pain is truly heart wrenching. So I intervened before my Fiancee could say anything, told G that I couldn't bear to see her so distressed and that I would go stay with a friend until she felt a bit better. That I loved her, and just wanted her to be less sad. She ran to me, hugged me and begged me not to leave her. We cried together, and I think we might be on the road to healing. That is to say, thank you Reddit folks for your feedback. You're awesome. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11golst/wibta_for_refusing_to_babysit_my_boyfriends/

11golst

A woman I'm dating posted my picture on a cheaters page

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I am not The OOP, OOP is [ThrowRA4551683](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA4551683?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) A woman I'm dating posted my picture on a cheaters page Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1199be4/a_woman_33f_i_36m_am_dating_posted_my_picture_to/j9na3o4?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Feb 22, 2023 I met Danielle on a dating app and we immediately hit it off. Conversation was super easy for us so we swapped numbers and spent the next two weeks texting and talking on the phone. I explained early on that I want to take my time because not only am I looking for something serious, but also have work commitments the next few months. I work in tech product sales, which can be very busy and also involve me leaving the city for a few days at a time. She said she understood and was also looking for something long-term. Great. We met the weekend before Valentines and had a nice restaurant date following by dessert and coffee. We finished with a kiss and I walked her back to her car. It was definitely the best date I've been on since my last relationship. The next day I called her to say I was looking forward to seeing her again and would plan something when I get back. I live in a major North American city and from the 15th-17th I was booked 3 hours away for on-site client meetings. I told her about this and let her know we'd keep in touch. On the Friday I'm due to get back, I get a msg from a close female friend asking who I pissed off. I have no clue what she's talking about. She sends me a screenshot of my photo on what looks like a FB page and tells me it's a private group where women call out men for cheating. It's called 'Are we dating the same guy?' and this particular group is just for people from my city. In the screenshot multiple people are posting under my picture with mostly harmless comments like 'oh I went on a date with him years ago, he was ok,' but there were others like "PM me for the tea" and one woman said "He's an angry asshole, stay away for your safety." Because it's FB I instantly recognized her name as someone I went on a date with last summer who I had to block after she repeatedly tried to sell me her cat. Absolute lunatic. A few things about me - I am single, I have never been married and my last relationship was over a year ago. I am very selective and Danielle was the first date I'd been on since the end of summer. I am also a very private person. I don't use social media and I don't kiss and tell. The fact that my photo is on this site is mortifying. What makes matters worse is when I got home I started getting texts from a bunch of other people I know either laughing at me or calling me a womanizer. As of now I'm aware that several female friends have seen it, one coworker, my sister, and a woman I know who lives in the same building as me that excitedly grabbed me when I was leaving this morning to tell me "I saw you on that Facebook group!!" Apparently it's a lot more popular than I realized. There's only one person who would have the motivation to do this, so I called Danielle on the weekend and asked her. Initially she denied it, but after some prodding that flipped to apparently her friend posting it. Why? Because a few of them had gotten tipsy together on Valentines as they're all single. My name came up after her friends asked why she wasn't with me that night after the great date she'd told them about. Apparently me not being around as I was leaving early the next morning for work was 'suspicious' as was the fact we'd been talking for multiple weeks but she'd never seen my place. She gave them a pic I used on the dating app and one of them posted it. She told me she was sorry but that I seemed too good to be true. Her last relationship ended due to cheating and she wanted to make sure I wasn't married or in a relationship. I told her I needed some time to think and would be in touch. That was Saturday. We've been silent until today where I woke up to dozens of msgs from her saying things along the lines of "I'm so sorry"/"I'm so angry with myself for this" and then the real truth. It was her that posted it. She wanted to come completely clean and apologized for lying, telling me she panicked when I confronted her but she wants it all out now. She sent me screenshots unprovoked of the PM conversations she was having with women in the group about me. Aside from the one headcase I mentioned earlier, there was nothing accusatory, but what I couldn't get over was how they were discussing me in such an open manner. It had nothing to do with whether I was single or cheating, it was stuff like 'he took me to this restaurant, he drives this kinda car, this is what he's like in bed, this is what his place is like, this is how much money I think he makes.' I would never talk about exes or people I've dated like that. And if a guy tried to talk to me about Danielle like that I'd think he was a fucking weirdo and tell him to stop. My two closest female friends are divided on this so I'm here for advice. One thinks that women need to protect themselves against predators and violence and groups like this are necessary. The other is angry on my behalf because the presumption of men being posted to that group are that they're cheaters or sketchy, otherwise why would anyone even post them there? I really don't know what to do next. I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this before. I like Danielle but it was ONE DATE. She also lied to me about it at first. This seems like a headache and we've never even had sex yet. Is she going to get even more paranoid after that? It doesn't feel like we're compatible. This feels like the past 3 weeks of us talking have been one massive waste and that actually stings because she's the first person I've really liked since my ex. TLDR: Went on a date with a woman and she posted my pic to a cheaters group because she wanted to know if I was actually single. Now my private life is disrupted and I don't know if we're compatible moving forward. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11b23dz/update_a_woman_33f_i_36m_am_dating_posted_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Feb 24, 2023 Back with an update, but firstly, a couple of quick notes based on the feedback I got: • No, I am not Patrick or David or Eric or Pascal or Bret. Thank you for the PMs asking. As much as I'd like to be a Bret since that was my favorite wrestler as a kid, it's concerning that these msgs imply this seems to be happening so much that the identities can be confused. • I don't care if you think my close female friend 'violated the sanctity' of your super cool secret girls only club. As she told me, her loyalties are to me. She's known me since I was a child and knows that I didn't deserve to have my photo plastered there. • I understand that those groups may be necessary in keeping women safe or finding predators, but their moderators should go harder in ensuring that it meets those goals rather than running a de facto gossip club where innocent people's personal lives are affected. I've had dozens of people reach out with very similar experiences, so perhaps your rules should reflect that rather than just 'kEeP bOyS oUt!' • The lunatic who wanted to sell me her cat. He seemed like a cool dude, but I just wasn't in the market for a pet. He also only had 3 legs which made him run like a drunken sailor. All cats deserve love, I hope he got away from her. • Some of you (alarmingly) struggle with concepts of consent. I consented to my photo appearing on a dating app. I did not consent to my photo appearing in a 'is this guy trash?' group. These are not the same and the stigma and assumptions associated with both are vastly different. I really shouldn't have to explain this but here we are. Regarding me not realizing how big this group was. 3 of the women in my life all found out about it the same way. On Valentines Day a radio show ran a segment on it, then it got picked up by blogs and social media. It's even appeared on local television. My friend saw it on Twitter. Another saw a 'this guy was dating 12 women!' post that got shared and decided to investigate. My sister was texted by her friend about it. And when they all rushed to check the group out, there I was. Great timing. It currently has over 50k members. Anyway, moving on... I decided not to pursue things with Danielle. She took the post down during our radio silence but it mainly boiled down to just not seeing her in the same light anymore. I can accept that she is genuinely sorry but I also know how I am, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. Everything is supposed to be light and cute. Now it's just suspicion and resentment. Not gonna lie, that period between when we first started talking to when I went away on my trip was really great. I looked forward to talking to her, when I would see a text I got butterflies, when we kissed it felt electric. Some people said what she did was such an obvious red flag they were questioning why I was even hesitating. The reason is that I haven't felt like this in some time. My last relationship lasted 5 years and after we broke up I legitimately wondered if I could find that spark again. Especially after trying dating apps here and there and not having much luck finding the right person. I do want to feel that spark again and find my person, but holding on to something that already has these problems before it even starts is the wrong move. Instead, I'm simply happy I got to experience it. Now I know it's out there and possible again, just not with Daniella. But I'll be honest. I did wake up today thinking 'hey you never know, maybe couple months down the line I'll think different and maybe we'll go grab a drink.' And then I saw she'd texted me. To preface, before I left the city for work she sent me a photo with a msg 'don't forget about me'. It was her in a bikini on a summer beach blowing a kiss. She's quite... chesty... so it's not exactly SFW but there was no nudity. I open today's text which reads 'hey, hope I'm not disturbing you but I'd like to ask you to delete that picture I sent and do not share it with anyone.' What the fuck? I replied 'The only copy of that picture is in our chat thread, do you seriously have this low an opinion of me?' To which she apologized and said she was just making sure. Fine. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized the most important thing - It was a reminder I'd made the right decision. So I made another and deleted her number. TLDR: Decided not to pursue things with Danielle. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11gzoqm/a_woman_im_dating_posted_my_picture_on_a_cheaters/

11gzoqm

OOP threatens to call the police on co-worker's mom

CONCLUDED

I am NOT OP. Original post by redditadmindumb87 in r/AmItheAsshole **short update** trigger warnings: >!death, mention of abuse!< mood spoilers: >!oop says they did the right thing!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for threatening to call the police on my co-worker mom**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgselg/aita_for_threatening_to_call_the_police_on_my/) - Sept 17 2022 I have a co-worker who works in a different city. We have a professional, friendly relationship. Some years ago we shared some beers together. But we are not what I would call "friends" Unfortunately my co-worker has been struggling with some very serious health issues. My co-worker is also married, and has a son who is in his teenage years (his son is probably between the ages of 14-17 I'm not entirely sure) My co-worker was born and raised in the city I work in. Anyway my co-worker mom came into my office, she introduced herself and I was sympathetic with her. I'm a father, and there's a very good chance she will have to bury her son, and that's really tragic. I'm also confused, why is my co-worker mom talking to me? Then she asks me, is her son in the hosipital, or at home. I honestly don't know, and I tell her that. She then asks me if he is dead or not. I told her as far as I know her son is still alive. We have a lot of back and forth and its pretty constant, she's asking me for information and I'm saying I don't know. But it starts to dawn on me. She keeps telling me his wife, her grandson, and my co-worker are ignoring her calls. Well obviously I don't understand the dynamics of her relationship with her son, I'm suspecting there's a reason she doesn't know. Then she asks me to call his manager and find out what's going on. But I feel that would be inappropriate to do. Now this entire ordeal with my co-worker mom is approaching 45 minutes and I tell her she needs to leave my office. I tell her I've told her what I know, its not my place to be involved in, and she needs to leave. We have more back and forth. We are now approaching an hour of this back and forth. She was with a friend/family member and I tell his mom "Ma'am you need to leave my office, or I'm going be forced to call the police and have you removed" I really did not what to say that...but I didn't have much of a choice (FYI I did not need to call the police, which I'm glad I didn't have to do that) She was offended at my threat, and I set a timer, and I told her she needed to leave my office by 3 minutes or I was going call the police on her. I had work to do, she was in my way, and I also suspect she was trying to use me to get information that my co-worker for whatever reason has decided she doesn't need to know. The person she was with got her to leave and I didn't need to call the police. FYI I called his manager on this, apparently his manager at the request of my co-worker blocked the mothers phone number which is why she wasn't able to get through to his manager. His manager did thank me for not putting him on the spot and said he is aware of what's going on with my co-worker...but we are not at liberty to disclose that to his mom...nor do we as a organization feel thats appropriate. So was I an asshole for how I treated his mom? My wife thinks so. &nbsp; [**My co-worker passed...his wife came by to see me...I made the right decision.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/y8qlx5/my_coworker_passedhis_wife_came_by_to_see_mei/) - Oct 19 2022 Long story short, my co-worker is dying (he has since passed away) his mom was trying to use me to get in touch with him. I refused and stone walled her. A week ago he passed away. Yesterday my co-worker wife came by to see me, and to thank me. Apparently my co-worker mom was toxic, and abusive. She did allow and covered up some truly horrible things that happened to my co-worker as he was growing up and my co-worker wanted nothing to do with his mom. Apparently my co-worker wife heard through the grape vine that I stoned walled his mom from getting in contact with my co-worker. His wife, with her son (who is also my co-worker son) to tell me my co-worker wanted to say thank you, but didn't have the strength of time, and they appreciate me not putting his mom in contact with them. My co-worker was able to pass away peacefully surrounded by people of his choosing, which is how it should be. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

bigbluesandwich

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11hfwtx/oop_threatens_to_call_the_police_on_coworkers_mom/

11hfwtx

I'm Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok! + NEW UPDATES!!

NEW UPDATE

This was my favourite [saga](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y0vnz5/im_not_the_vice_principal_anymore_ok_new_update/) from 2022 and now we have two new updates, including a sex schedule? [**My last day obeying orders and getting yelled at**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/vm4mel/my_last_day_obeying_orders_yelled_at_3x/) posted by [u/Disgruntled\_Veteran](https://www.reddit.com/u/Disgruntled_Veteran/) in [r/teachers](https://www.reddit.com/r/teachers/) on June 27, 2022 Context from r/ProRevenge >Ok, So this happened at the end of this school year. I posted what was going on in the [r/Teacher](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teacher/) group and several of the people there told me to post what happened in here. This story is in four parts and I apologize for the length. I also apologize for any teacher slang I use as it is like second nature to use it just like military cargo was when I was in the military. Basically, I was told that all the Assistant/Vice Principals in the district (other han at the high school) were being let go and a “teacher-on-assignment (TOA)” was going to take our jobs. I was not heart broken over this, but was treated badly by the new admin team taking my job and my principals job. Also, I tried to help my staff on my way out and it seems my bosses cared more about their images than my staff’s happiness. So here is the story. > >Part 1: > >So none of the other admin in my district had received our contracts for the coming school year yet. I was wondering what was going on, but I heard rumors about a pay scale shift and that was the reason for it. I found out Wednesday what is actually happening. Every assistant principal and vice principal in the district (why we have two different titles, I have no idea) is not getting renewed contracts (except the ones at the HS), their positions is being eliminated, and their jobs are being replaced with a new position that pays a teachers salary + a $2000 stipend. They are replacing the APs with “Learning Coordinators”. Apparently, the budget is the given reason, but I also heard rumors from someone at the district office. > >Each of us APs/VPs were scheduled to meet with one of the Asst. Supers Wednesday. We though it was about our contracts and we were correct. When I arrived, the “Acting” Superintendent was there with the head of HR. I was told about the elimination of my position, but not the reasons why. I was then given an option for the coming school year. I could go back into the classroom, I could work in the district office, or I could apply and interview for the new positions that is replacing my job. > >WTF! > >I wouldn’t care one lick if I was told that my position had been cut completely and I needed to go back into the classroom. I love the classroom. I miss teaching full time. However, to tell me to apply and interview for a job I already have is bullshit. We were told to give the district our answers by Friday and they would draw up contracts or schedule interviews. > >Wednesday afternoon, I went to see Tony who is an Asst. Superintendent and one of the few decent leaders in the school district. I heard from Tony that there was an internal shake up, but he wasn’t allowed to talk about it or even give me a hint about what happened. However, one of the Asst. Supers was being “reassigned”, aka demoted, to being the principal of my current school, my principal was not coming back due to health reasons, the Superintendent was “released from his contract”, and my school’s new Learning Coordinator position had already been filled. Who filled it? A school counselor from one of the high schools who just happens to be a friend and lackey of the Asst. Sup. that is now the new principal. > >So, early this morning I gave them my answer. I decided that I didn’t need until Friday to decide. I tried to make sure I sounded professional, but I made sure that my message was getting across by speaking with authority. I went in to the Acting Superintendent’s office and told him that I thought that laying off a bunch of people so they could hire others to do the same job but at less pay was bullshit. I told him that the way the school district handled certain situations was idiotic. I then gave several examples. I next told him that he was going to ruin a perfectly good school with an amazing team of educators by putting a lazy, mean, parent pleasing person in as its new principal and letting her put a lackey in as her second in command. I said that she was as useless as a screen door on a submarine and as mean as Dolores Umbridge. I finished the 3 minute speech by stating that I will work my ass off and finish the school year strong. I will prep things for the next school year so that the TEACHERS have an easier time. I also let him know I would never work at or recommend the district to anyone ever again. Then I left letting him know that I expect an amazing Letter of Recommendation by the end of the school day Friday afternoon since I earned it for my service the past few years. > >So what am I going to do now? Well, I called up an old friend Wednesday who is currently a principal at a STEAM charter school thats part of a chain of Charter STEAM schools and asked if he had a teaching position available? He’s been asking me every year for the past 5 years to come work for him. He told me he had three openings and I could have my pick of them. So next year, I will be a…. drumroll please: > >6th Grade Teacher! And I am very happy about it! I even get to design my curriculum as long as it meets state standards! > >I could apply elsewhere for admin positions, but I think I need a break from school leadership. I need to love my work again like I used to as a teacher. Yes, there were/are many challenges and sometimes I hated going to work, but i do love being a teacher. > >I feel bad for my current staff because the regime change will hit them hard, but there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I could help them. The most I could do would be to take a teaching position at my current school, but then I would be miserable with them and be helpless to do anything to aid them. > >So, for myself and my daughter, who I love more than anything, I am making the move to a new school and going back to what I enjoy doing. Teaching. I am even bring my daughter to my new school to start next year as a 5th grader. I asked her if she wanted to stay at her current school or go to the STEAM school with me and she wants to go with me. She was excited since she has visited there several ties and loves the technology room, the robotics class, and the science labs. Plus she is friends with some of the kids there already. > >As a goodbye to myself staff, I am going out this weekend and I am going to buy some nice letter paper and scratcher tickets. I am going to write short, individualized goodbye to each of my staff members and at the end I will include the following words: > >“I’m giving you some scratcher tickets. My hope is that you are as lucky scratching them as I have been lucky to have worked with you.” > >So thats it. I have to finish my contract, but at the end of June, I am free. I am looking forward to teaching full time again and having a boss who will let me just do my job and not interfere. I don’t think I want to work in administration again, but maybe after a few years I will decide to work as an AP again. > >Note: Sorry for any spelling/grammar/punctuation errors. I am writing this while making my morning rounds. > >PART 2 > >So I put together goodbye gifts for all my staff and I'll be handing them out Friday (their last day with kids). They have a bunch of goodies that I posted about weeks ago. I was think this weekend about how to give the finger one more time to the district office and help my teachers out. Even in a small way. So I came up with it Sunday night. > >My district requires each teacher to attend additional training throughout the year. These are outside of the regular staff development trainings. They are run by district staff, SPED teachers, and admin. The training normally last 1-3 hours and the teacher gets a certificate for the time spent in the training. Each teacher is required to attend 24 hours of these before the end of the school year. Most teachers take them over the summer(if they are offered) so they don't have to take them during the school year. > >So I yesterday morning, before work, I was making copies of the certificates for all the courses I have run here the past few years. Classroom Management Strategies, Lockdown Procedures, Social Studies Strategies, Math Strategies, Reading Comprehension, and Environmental Print. I am going to fill them out with each of the teacher's names and number of hours. I am adding all the times I EVER spoke to the staff about these topics and putting down hours to correspond (rounding up to the nearest hour...ish). > >Wouldn't you know, each of those topics was 3 to 5 hours in length. Each staff member will have exactly 24 hours worth of training. I filled out the dates of the training for the 2022/2023 school year. Oh and I have an attendance sheets with ALL of their names and have them marked as being present. > >\*Note: I checked with district and since I am still an administrator into the summer, I am allowed to run these training over the summer before I leave. > >Now, they can have their summer to themselves and not worry about taking classes during the school year. They can if they wish, but 99% of teachers here hate the mandatory training hours. I hope the staff likes the present. Since Friday, I am no longer a school administrator. I technically have another week to work, but I took vacation during that time because…. well, screw them. Now, I spent the last week packing up, giving aide and comfort to my (now former) staff, and causing problems for the new administrators who are assholes. Now, besides giving the entire staff a year free from additional PDs, I wasn’t planning on causing any more problems. Just quietly leave and drive off into the sunset. Shane style. But no. Apparently I don’t deserve a quiet week. The new principal (demoted from Asst. Super.) and her new Teacher On Assignment (TOA) decided, for some reason, to be rude to me. There was only one response to that… I aimed to misbehave! How were they rude to me you ask? First off, they ordered me to hurry and clean out my office. Apparently, the TOA wanted to start redecorating my office. I was literally told “Get all your personal stuff out of here ASAP. She wants her office now!”. I still had a week to work there and actual work to do. Second, the new principal tried to steal my personal chair and my personal office supplies and decorations. That chair was a gift to me from a friend. I found her just wheeling it out of my office and into her’s. My desk supplies and a banner from my wall were stack on its seat. I told her that it was my personal chair. Not the districts. She said “ok”. The very next morning, I found it missing. She had moved it into her office after I left for the day. Third, I was given a list of tasks to complete by Friday by the TOA (who is in no way, shape, or form my boss). These were not my job to do and are in fact the incoming admins duty to complete. Stuff the new admin are supposed to do. Things like: put together a new staff packets, schedule next years PDs, fill out and submit request forms, ect.. Finally, I was talked down to every single day by the new admin team. I was spoken to as though I were the hired help and they were the Royal Bitches. Seriously, I speak to a waitress that messes up my order with 20x the amount of respect that they showed me. They actually tried to get my attention by snapping their fingers at me. Like that would work. \*Note: The new principal also has made some pretty anti-LGTBQ+ comments. I don't like narrow-minded people. So, I decided to to as I was told. I was a soldier, so I know how to follow orders. 1. I removed EVERYTHING that was my personal property. That included my chairs, decorations, the stress relievers (punching bag, ect.), the fridge from the office, and the file cabinets in my office. Yes, I bought government surplus cabinets because I didn’t have any. All my files and all of my former principal’s files were in there. I had even bought the manila folder I used in it. * So, I took ever piece of paper out of my cabinets, removed them from my labeled folders, and stacked them on the floor into one large pile. There is no order to how they are stacked. * I took my chair from the principals office while she was in a meeting with parents. I just walked in and rolled it out. She stopped talking to the parents to ask what I was doing, and I responded that I was taking my personal property out ASAP as I was ordered to do. * I had an old medium sized fridge I had placed in the office work room for office staff to store their food in. But it is mine, so I took the fridge. I brought in right out the front door and loaded it into my truck. I even took the new admins food out of it and left them on the table. Its my fridge. I warned the rest of the office staff I was taking it, but forgot to tell admin. Darn. 1. I copied all my digital files over to a flash drive and then deleted everything off my work Google drive. Any thing I personally created or designed. 2. Copied all my emails too. 3. I informed the staff that if they need time off next year and need it approved, to submit the forms to me this week. I got several and they are all now approved. I got this idea from someone who messaged me here on Reddit and suggested I do this. Thanks for the advise. 4. I approved every supply list item the staff submitted and even drove to the district warehouse to pick up some items personally. I even approved funds for a second-hand kiln for the art teacher. She found a good one on Craiglist. 5. I had repaired my desk with bolts and tool from home. I took the bolts back. The desk is now lopsided again. The closet door was broken when I got there. So I repaired it. I have now put it back as it was when I was hired. 6. The two way mirror to the detention room was mine. I had gotten it from a friend at another school (different district). It allowed me to watch ISS and detention students from my office without them seeing me. It popped that right out and took it home. Now the TOA has a hole in the wall the detention kids can look through. 7. I had put together all the lockdown buckets and fire drill bags myself with my own money. I took all of them back. This I felt bad about, but i will give them out to the staff at my new school. 8. I put a rush order on all classroom and building repairs and have an approved order to have every classroom repainted. 9. I assembled new staff packets and the new school year binders. Besides the basics of what is required, I have included throughout the binders in random places: * Dilbert cartoons, * Famous Harry Potter quotes, * The lyrics to Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me”, “I Kissed A Girl” by Katie Perry, “All Star” by Smashmouth, and “We Built This City” by Starship. * A map of the area where I marked all the good places to eat lunch off campus, * Funny Farside teacher comics, * Cheesy “Teacher Jokes”, * The union contact info., * Crosswords, sudoku, and word searches * A list of educational lawyers.... just in case. * I also included in the binder the admin Wifi password for them since that signal is stronger for some reason. 1. I went ahead and wrote out the PD schedule for next year. Oddly, Every Wednesday is listed as ”free time” or “work in your classroom”. I’m sure they will change it, but I don’t know when they will find out what it says. 2. I had a master list of donators and partners in the community. It was posted on a whiteboard in my office. I got over four dozen businesses and people in the community to help with various things or donate over the years. I spent a lot of my time building relationships with them and making deals. I took a photo of it and then I erased the list. And took the whiteboard since it was mine. 3. Friday, I flew the LGBTQ+ flag instead of the state flag. I also placed LGBTQ+ flags in each classroom in case the staff want to display them. Then I got yelled at...... three times. The first time was when I took back my chair. I was told it was unprofessional to just take it without asking. Especially with guests present. I responded with “Yes, it was unprofessional to take MY chair without asking.”. The second time was when the TOA found the refrigerator gone. She said that it was community property. I told her “No, its my property and I was told to take all my property from the campus.”. The third time was when I was in the parking lot leaving and they found the piles of papers. The principal flagged me down and told me to clean it up. I told her I was off the clock and that the district never reimbursed me for the cabinets so I had to take them with me. I am expecting a call from HR today asking for my assistance setting everything back up since with all my stuff removed and erased, the admin team has to actually put in some hard work. I’d come in. For my consultant rate. $75.00 an hour with a minimum contract for 12 hours. [**Update: I Don't Work Here Anymore**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/vxoead/update_i_dont_work_here_anymore/)**.** Posted on July 12, 2022 So, as some of you know, I left the world of being an administrator a few weeks ago. I tried to leave behind some nice .... gifts when I left. I wasn't looking to cause problems my last few weeks, but the new admin team treated me in a way that was unacceptable. So I decided that Malcolm Reynolds had it right when he said "I aim to misbehave.". Well, the Tuesday after I left, I received a call from HR. I ignored it. I then left for a road trip with my daughter where we went to San Francisco for a few days and went to two Giants games. Unfortunately, they lost both games. While we were on our trip, they called and emailed me at my personal email account (my work one was deleted by them). I ignored the calls and never opened the emails. My daughter and I then went to Disneyland for a few days of fun and then returned this past Friday. I then checked the voicemails and emails. I was asked, begged, and then ordered to come to the HR for important meetings. "It is very important that we speak to you as soon as possible." is what they said repeatedly. So Yesterday I went in to the district office wearing cargo shorts, a shirt I got at Disneyland, and flip flops. I don't work there so I don't need to dress up. When I arrived, I was originally treated like a visiting VIP. The HR manager and her assistant tried to butter me up like a Pillsbury biscuit. After a few minutes of them trying to make small talk and me then letting them know I had plans to go to lunch in 30 minutes, they got to the point. They wanted me to turn over a few things took with me that, though they belonged to me, they said were sorely needed at the school. They gave me a list from the new principal which included, but limited to: My chair (Seriously!) My refrigerator and appliances My community contacts board (People/businesses that I build relationships and partnerships with) My personally designed forms and worksheets Two way mirror My Lockdown Buckets and FireDrill Bags They also wanted copies of every record I kept and notes I took on the staff and students. The notes I took on the staff were so I could personalize gifts for them and have conversations with them on their interests. I said "No" to all those requests. I told the ladies that the furniture and appliances were mine that I brought in. I stated that the chair was a gift to me from a friend and that the new principal can afford to buy her own chair. I also stated that I left any official school/district documents there and any I took with me and/or deleted were of my own making and my intellectual property. I also stated that my contacts were developed over the years on my personal time and at personal cost to me. I also stated that everything I took, that I had submitted reimbursement, was never reimbursed. I kept my records and pay stubs. I never saw a red cent from those submissions. They offered to pay me for some of the items and gave me a rough figure of what the district would pay me to return the fridge, the forms, buckets, bags, mirror, and contact board. I told them that I did not want to hand them over to the new admin team since they had treated me so poorly. The asked me again and tried to reason that some of those things could be interpreted as school property. I told them that The were welcome to try and force me to return anything that was legally mine to them, but I would be willing to fight it in court. I also told them that those two new administrators made me uncomfortable and that their treatment of me could be considered making a hostile work environment. Especially when they tried to make me do their jobs for them. I then gave the HR team my lawyers info. \* Note: I dated a lawyer after my divorce for a few years and we are still good friend and she has offered herself as my "forever retained lawyer" that I can use her name and she'd help me if she could. I rarely use her name, but when I have needed her legal advice, she always comes through. I also help her with physical chores when she or her family needs help. I then wished the lady a good school year in the term to come and left. I doubt I will ever hear from them again. [**Update: Karens With Power Are As Dangerous As They Are Annoying**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/w9upn6/update_karens_with_power_are_as_dangerous_as_they/) Posted July 27, 2022 Ever notice that there are always people out there that just have to break beautiful things? The people who see a sand castle and stomp on it or the idiots who visit Stonehenge and carve their names into it. Why? Note: The new principal is the kind of person who smiles when *things go wrong* because she has already thought of someone to blame it on. So as some of you may know, I am starting my new job in a week in a half. I haven't heard back from my old district since I met with their HR department after my road trip with my daughter. But Monday I heard from the senior secretary (aka Office Goddess) of my old school. She's been at the school for something like 20 years and knows everything that is going on there. Its her turf. She cares about the kids and the staff and she is ~~great~~ ~~wonderful~~ AMAZING! Well, I got a call from her and she asked if I would do a welfare phone call to one of my former staff members who we will call Beth. I asked her why does she want me to call and why me instead of the someone who still works there. I don't work there any more and I am sure someone at the school would be better suited for it, like a counselor. Then she told me why she wanted me to call. So the new principal and TOA have made many several changes to the school in their short time there. According to the Office Goddess, they have: \- Eliminated the House System. (The old principal and I created 4 Houses to have the kids compete year round for points with prizes for the top house each year.) \- Moved 8 teachers to different grade levels at the last minute. Including moving a teacher who has spent her career (15ish years) only teaching Kinder to teach the 6th grade. \- Cancelled several staff activities including the monthly breakfast bash and the Welcome Back competition (usually laser tag or bowling). \- Ordered special office desks for themselves that can be raised and lowered depending on if they want to sit or stand. (She said that the ones ordered run something like $500 a pop) \- But worst of all, the moved the librarian, Beth, to teach Middle School ELA. Now Beth is a very kind and well like staff member. She is hard working and also adaptable. She is also certified in Early Childhood Ed., Elem. Ed, and Secondary ELA. She also has cancer. She has been fighting it for a few years now. I've watched her struggle and keep fighting it. I've also watched a healthy athletic woman of about 130 lbs drop to a pale shadow of that which couldn't weight more than 90 lbs soaking wet. Beth was a teacher for years at my old school, but a while back, when she found it hard to teach while going through chemo, I made her the librarian and fought to keep her at her teacher salary. The district fought me saying an aid was cheaper and could do the job. I wrote a post on here about it a while back. Officially, Beth is the school's media specialist, library arts teacher, and an ELA support specialist. Unofficially, her job is to basically reads to the younger students, encourage them to read, helps older students with their research, and helps older students learn how to cite their work. The position also gave her plenty of time to rest, let her go to medical appointments easily, and gave her a bathroom next to her desk since she needed to go more often now. Plus it kept her pay the same and kept her health insurance going. It was a rare example of a true win win. I had an amazing librarian and she got paid, benefits, and a lighter work load so she could heal. Well, the new principal, in all her Jar Jar Binks wisdom, has decided that Beth would be better off in a classroom again and that parent volunteers should run the library. Its saves money and puts Beth where she is useful according to the admin's twisted sense of logic. And yes, they know of Beth's condition and why she is in that post. Beth found out Friday about the reassignment. (Yes, it is legal as her contract doesn't specify librarian. Just teacher and her pay scale level.). Beth tried to explain the situation to the idiotic woman who, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. But she doesn't seem to care. She says that Beth will be just fine in the classroom and will really help the kids academically. So I called Beth yesterday and we talked for about half an hour. She told me that she may have to resign because she can't keep up with the rigors of teaching middle school ELA in her condition (which is not improving unfortunately). She is supposed to go through another cycle of chemo treatments soon. I told her I wish I could help her. She said she may just become a substitute and work when she can. She said she is covered under the husband insurance already, but ours was better. I feel really bad for her. I suggested that she go to HR and let them know that if she is moved back into a full-time classroom that it would have a negative effect on her health and put her at risk. I also told her to get notes from her medical providers stating her case to stay in her less stressful position. I then gave her the name and phone number of a lawyer that specializes in educational law. I also let her know that I would help her find work if she wanted me to. I have already reached out to a few people I know. I contacted my ex-wife's sister-in-law who works for a non-profit that provides digital literacy and citizenship programs for people who come to the U.S.. She said she might be able to hire her on to give remote lessons via Zoom. So lets keep our fingers crossed. This is a perfect example of what happens when people with the compassion of Ted Bundy and the ego Donald Trump are put in-charge of others. The new admin team cares more about the budget and losing like they do something rather than whats best for the staff and students. I don't know what day in history it was when educators stopped leading schools and the politicians and the parent pleasers looking for a pay increase took over, but it was a dark day for us all. I wish I had a happier story to share, but my old school is going to Hell in a handcart according to the Office Goddess. I wish all of you a great coming school year. [**I Feel Loved: Update To I'm Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok. No Problem.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xdim5x/i_feel_loved_update_to_im_not_the_vice_principal/) Posted Sept 13, 2022 So here is an update to what has happened at my old school. I will say that their action make me proud, fill me with energy, and make me feel a little loved. Now, I haven't heard from anyone in the school for the past few weeks. I have been really busy with my new teaching gig. I love my class by the way. Well, it turns out that my misbehaving spread like a wild fire amongst the staff. My friend Tony let me know while we were watching a baseball game this weekend. Here is a summary of what has happened. I also heard from 2 of my old teachers. Here are the highlights. 1. The new principal enacted new policies. Here are 3 that pissed off the staff. \- Every teacher has duties everyday at least once a day. (I NEVER made my teacher work duty.) \- Every teacher is required to have Zoom meeting with all their parents at least once a quarter. \- Every teacher must do 2 of the following: sponsor a club, be on a committee, or coach a team. \- Lesson plan (For the next week) reviews with the TOA every Friday during prep periods. \- No office referrals for anything considered to be a minor infraction no matter how many times it happens. \- Teachers must sign in every morning in the office and out at the end of the day and record the times. \- No leaving campus without approval. \- Teacher will need to cover for other teachers that are out. 2) During the first day back meeting where she shared these changes, she apparently spoke harshly, authoritatively, and wouldn't allow the teachers to speak their mind. A "My way or the highway" atmosphere. 3) In response to the above and more, together over a dozen teacher took their "Welcome Back Baskets" (A school mug, cheap candy, Post-its, and pens) and slammed them on the principal's desk and voiced their displeasure. She threatened to write them up. They threatened to quit. This was their first day back from summer break. 4) The new principal got tired of them mentioning that I never made them do these things, so she lost it and "Disgruntled\_Veteran isn't here any more. You are not to mention him anymore. I'm in charge here and he can take his retarded ideas and shovel them up his ass!" Apparently, she immediately regretted saying that an tried to back peddle. 5) Half the teacher who heard the above went to HR and filed complaints about being yelled at, the uses of the word retarded, and even claimed they felt "sexually harassed" by her statement about shoving thing in my ass. I don't know how serious HR took them. 6) Multiple staff members threatened to not renew their contracts at the end of the year. They said they can get teacher jobs anywhere due to the shortage. One even threatened to give her 30 days notice right there. 6) Multiple staff members complained to the union who contacted the district and stated that the policy changes that were not in place last year and not in their contracts. 7) Two staff members complained to the union and HR about the principal removing the LGBTQ+ flags from their classrooms. They aren't in FL. 8) The Superintendent had a meeting with the principal. Tony couldn't get into all the details, but basically she was told that if she doesn't drop the bullshit, stop pissing the staff off, and gets any more serious complaints that she will be removed from her post. My old staff members said that for the past two weeks, she hasn't left her office. She never see her and only the TOA is sending emails. I guess only the TOA is running Wednesday meetings and she is clueless on what to do and wastes a lot of time. So the staff stood up for themselves (and me to a point) and they came out on top! I am very proud of them. According to a comment, u/DisgruntledVeteran advised Beth is now working somewhere else, with a health plan and kindness. [**Admin Wants Sex Schedules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/115kqlg/admin_wants_sex_schedules/) posted February 18, 2023 So my last school school, as well as its district, are real shit show. Some of you might have seen my post in the past about when I left the vice principal position there and the new school administration didn't take it so well. Well, I've been so busy lately that I hadn't really chatted with any of the people from that school in the past month or two. Life, right? Well, last night I ran into a couple of coworkers at TGI Fridays. They asked me to join them and promised me some fantastic information. How could I refuse? So apparently the principal of their school, a recently demoted assistant superintendent, has been gone for the last 2 days. Apparently at the Wednesday staff meeting she made the comment that there were currently five members of the staff who were pregnant. She then mentioned that she is struggling to find people to be able to cover the maternity leave for the teachers that I'll be out before the school year ends. And also that it would be difficult to find coverage at the beginning of the school year for anyone who's going to miss the first few weeks or month of it. She then said something really really stupid. She said: "If anyone here is planning on trying to have a kid or planning on doing anything that could get you pregnant, can you please talk to me first so we can see if it'll fit into the schedule." Now, maybe she meant it as a joke. However, she's not very well liked it that school and that was enough for several members of the staff, including two of the pregnant ones, to go down to HR and complain right after the meeting. Thursday morning the principal was not there and they were told by the instructional coordinator that she would be off campus until further notice and all inquiries and problems should be directed towards her instead. Come friday, still not back. Then some people did some digging and it turns out that the principal may be on a suspension for making comments of a sexual nature towards the staff and asking them to coordinate their sex schedules with her. As far as my former co-workers know, they have no idea when she's coming back, but her instructional coordinator has already told them that many of her meetings next week are canceled and that she'll be taken over several of the planned meetings. So as a warning to all administrators out there, don't ask us to tell you when we plan to have sex. [**Sex Schedule Principal is Back**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/11bsg85/sex_schedule_principal_is_back/) Posted February 25, 2023 I was having a game night last night and some former colleagues from my old school came by for some Cards Against Humanity and Munchkin. I asked if their boss came back yet. And they gave me the run down. So she returned on Wednesday. Exactly one week after the incident. She showed up to the Wednesday staff meeting. And she wasn't alone. Someone from HR and an asst. superintendent was with her. Before the regular meeting began, the principal gave a short speech. Somewhere in it was a brief "I'm sorry" followed by repeated remarks about not taking every joke seriously and coming to her directly if there is a problem. Neither HR nor the asst. super spoke up or stopped her. At some point in the rant, two of the most veteran teachers grabbed their stuff and walked out of the room. I guess HR followed them out, spoke to them, and brought them back in a few minutes later. After the cesspool of a speech was over she continued to run the meeting like nothing happened. the HR rep and asst. super sat in back watching. Apparently, several people went to the HR rep after the meeting to voice their problems with them going directly to her or that they shouldn't take jokes seriously. They were all told to schedule an appointment to speak to HR if they have concerns. Those same people then went to the principal's office to complain about her "apology". She told them to schedule individual meetings with her through "her secretary". She doesn't have a secretary anymore. That person resigned months ago and was not replaced due to the budget. The principal forced the front office receptionist to act as her personal secretary. This just goes to show that the principal, a recently demoted asst. super, has something on the higher ups or the district itself. Something that is allowing her to keep her post for the rest of the year. If she does any other stupid stuff and I hear about it, then I'll share it. I guess the scuttlebutt is that no matter what, she will not be offered a position for next year. I heard she is already applying for other admin positions as they appear online

mermaidpaint

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11idtqz/im_not_the_vice_principal_anymore_ok_new_updates/

11idtqz

AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend’s trauma is more important that her comfort?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP was** u/holy__trust. His account has since been suspended. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole, but because his account was suspended the second post is not available on that subreddit. Fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/NiteGlo77 requested cane corsos. Can Corsos are adorable pups. Their name comes from the Latin for "bodyguard dog" or "robust dog." They are intensely loyal dogs and very protective of their people/families. They are also very big dogs, weighing up to 110 pounds! (about 50 kgs) **Trigger Warning;** >!Parental Death; mental health issues; allusion to suicide!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!He's gonna build an art room!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/119jlkr/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_my_friends/)**:February 22, 2023** My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since. He's doing much better now that he's in therapy, but he's definitely gone through it. What has complicated matters worse is my fiancée. It goes without saying that I love her, but she is the definition of a busybody sometimes. My best friend is a very private person. She knows something happened with him, but she doesn't know the details of what that something is. She probably never will. But because she's around me and my friends often as my fiancée and I live in the same house, she hears bits and pieces of the story and presses for more information. I try to circumvent this as best as I can - for example, I step out of the room for specific phone conversations. But still, it's hard to limit the discussion about it sometimes. If it’s necessary we bring it up and she’s around in person, we’ll refer to the 'Nolan situation' without giving specifics. Nolan will also stop by my place at night when he can't sleep. This doesn't happen all that often - maybe twice a month. He'll text me or call me saying he's outside, I'll go sit with him and maybe smoke a little bit, then he'll head home. I'll wait up until I know he got home safely, then I go back to sleep. My fiancée hates this. She claims the phone calls always wake her up - they don't, she just sometimes happen to wake up for the bathroom while I'm outside - and that me not being in bed is alarming. This brings us to last night. Nolan stopped by and when I came back inside, my fiancée said she was 'putting a stop to it.' She said all the sneaking around is making her paranoid, she doesn't feel like she can properly trust me or be a part of my friend group without knowing the details, and that Nolan needs to stop relying on me so much. I told her that no matter whether we're married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend's trauma, and that she was never going to be able to order me around in regards to it. I also said her comfort was less important than someone’s *actual physical well-being.* She was obviously hurt by this and went to stay with her mom after work today. AITA? **EDIT:** She knows Nolan lost a parent, she doesn’t know the aftermath beyond the statement he had a mental health crisis. Yes, he has specifically asked me not to tell her. **EDIT 2: February 23, 2023 (next day)** This is not something we talk about “constantly” in front of her. I’m giving examples that have happened over the past year and a half. Also, Nolan sees a therapist. He comes to my place to hang out. ***Relevant Comments: (A lot of information comes out that was not included in the post. OOP has 50+ comments, so I tried to choose the ones with the most information.)*** *What exactly has she asked him?* "He had a very negative reaction towards her asking for more information about how he was doing - once when she did it directly to his face, and once when I told him she was asking again to gauge his comfort levels with what I told her. Like I said he is intensely private and feels it is none of her business." "He hates feeling pitied and he hates the topic being brought up without him being the one to initiate it. There’s only so many “oh, how are you doing since… what happened?” questions one can get before it becomes tiresome. (He says no one wants a real answer anyway.)" *Is it possible she thinks he is a danger to himself or others, especially if she doesn't know what is happening?* "Hm… maybe? He hasn’t always been the kindest towards her (thanks to this situation and how she’s responded to it) so she could *possibly* think he’s a danger. She has never brought that up to me, though, and it didn’t come up in our conversation last night." "He’s never hostile but I wouldn’t say he was ever overly warm to people upon first meeting them. It’s nothing personal— it’s just his nature. Now, he’s slightly more guarded." *Background on fiancée and Nolan:* "I’ve known Nolan since we were 15. I’ve been with my fiancée around two years now. We’ve been engaged for a majority of those two years (for reference, we got engaged about a month before Nolan’s dad passed.) At the time, he and I were both pretty consistently busy. He also isn’t one of those people who jumps into friendships quickly. So, they didn’t see much of one another prior to what happened, and afterwards they just weren’t a good match personality wise." "It was a spur of the moment engagement— no ring or anything until later. We currently have no plans to get married anytime soon." "We have the means for a wedding, it’s just not on our priority list right now." *More information comes out:* "The POA **(Power of Attorney)** I have over him doesn’t go into effect unless there are certain circumstances. His parent died suddenly and it spooked him into getting his stuff in order. I have no tie to his finances right now and wouldn’t want to." "Yes, I’ve explained like I did here— that he was having a mental health crisis and needed support. I also helped him with some law stuff regarding he and I (a living will, me becoming a springing power of attorney, things like that that he was desperate to get in order), but I didn’t go into detail about that other than “Nolan needs my help with law stuff.” That’s about as much as she knows." *Is the POA recent?* "It was not recent, no. It’s been months since it happened. He is okay, but I understand your concern. It scared the shit out of me at the time he first asked and we had extensive conversations about why." ***Another commenter makes a great point:*** "Mate, POA is one of the primary documents we used to have to draw up for same-sex couples before marriage was legal in the US. That's not something you just do without telling your fiance. Your roommate, sure, but not *your life partner*. You sound young so maybe you don't realise the importance of what you signed, but you need to know that it is so much more than just a precautionary measure." *OOP's response to that:* "Thank you for your advice. I do understand the gravity of it. It wasn’t a decision made lightly. It doesn’t go into effect unless Nolan is unable to make decisions for himself, and is a precautionary measure he chose to take after his parent passed suddenly. The chances of it being something I have to take over soon are, thankfully, very slim." *Have you told Nolan that his secretive phone calls and late night visits upset your fiancée?* "I have told him she was paranoid over the whole thing and that she doesn’t believe me when I say I’m just helping him out. He has his own opinions on how bizarre it is that she doesn’t believe me considering she can see his car in the driveway, but. Yes. We’re both a confused over why she wants more details than ‘Nolan is struggling with his mental health.’" ***One more thought from a different commenter and OOP's response:*** "Nolan is using you for support. You're his friend and it's great that you're there for him. But he is using you for support in an unhealthy way. It's unhealthy because it is causing problems for you, and it's becoming consistent. It's unfair of him to continue to use you without being considerate of what it is costing you. Either he needs to find a better way to get the support he needs or he needs to be willing to explain himself to some degree. To be clear, you are right, it isn't your story to tell. But Nolan needs to recognize the problem being created here." *OOP's response:* "If it was uncomfortable for me, or it was costing me in a way that was truly damaging, I would tell him. I personally don’t think it’s healthy to start looking at the support we seek from others as burdensome. That’s a slippery slope towards no longer asking for help. He is also in therapy so I’m not some kind of therapist stand in. If that was the case, I would definitely tell him straight up that he needed to get help and that I couldn’t be it." ***OOP is voted YTA, especially when it comes out he has not told his fiancée he is Nolan's POA and is not taking her feelings into account.*** **Update: February 26, 2023 (**[Unddit](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11cr1qf/update_aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_my/?sort=old) for comments and [WebArchive](https://web.archive.org/web/20230227004136/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11cr1qf/update_aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_my/) for post\*\*)\*\* Since my first post, I have had three conversations with my fiancée relating to this topic. The first didn't go well. I still had a lot of walls up that didn't allow me to engage properly. I didn't get angry, I just didn't say much at all. My fiancée told me what a lot had already assumed: she didn't feel like a priority, she was hurt by my comment and my actions. She gave me specifics on what needed to change if we were to continue. I told her I needed time, and she went back to the parent's house for the night. I took this night alone to truly think over the things she had requested (no more late night visits and other harsh boundaries being put into place) and tried to imagine a life where that happened. The second conversation was much more impactful. I took feedback I was given here - which mainly centered around honesty and apologies. I told her that I was sorry for waking her up and for not treating her how a fiancé should. I also told her I was sorry I hadn't been prioritizing her... but that I couldn't. At least not in the top, number one spot. The gist of my side was this: my life partner, in a lot of ways, has already been chosen. It might change in the future, but as of right now, my friendship is the most important relationship in my life. He isn't just *like* family to me, he *is* family to me. That goes beyond just the two of us: his little brother is my little brother. My mom and dad have all but officially adopted them into our family and vice versa. Our lives are intrinsically enmeshed and have been since we were 15. I had been doing a disservice to her by pretending that I could put anyone else over this familial unit that has already been built. This conversation was difficult for us both. We cried together, we attempted to compromise, but the truth of it all boiled down to 'if he needs me, or even just wants me, I'm going to do everything reasonably in my power to be there." We again, took the night for ourselves to process. And that leads us to the final conversation, which was about our future. She told me she had known the end was coming and had begun to accept it long before our conversation. I agreed. We're also planning a 'move Jess out' party between just us two where we try to have fun with it and reconnect as friends. She told me, in customary break up fashion, that she's going to cut bangs in my bathroom at some point during this planned night. So, was I the asshole for saying that my friend's trauma was more important than her comfort? Yeah. I was. Not only because it was harsh, but because I didn't say it sooner so she could make an informed decision about whether it was a life she wanted or not. Now she gets that. I feel gracious and humbled by her forgiveness and understanding, and thankful to commenters who provided insight. ETA No, I’m not planning any more romantic relationships for a while. 2 - My number one priority is Nolan, not my *entire* family. He and I are the familial unit I referred to. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You have to make sure to tell your next partner they will never be number one in your life:* "Relationships are very much on the back-burner for me right now, and for at least the next few years I assume. After some soul searching following this situation, I’ve come to realize that I just don’t have that space in my life for a romantic partner the way some people do. I don’t yearn for intimacy because I already have it. My emotional needs are already being met and I feel fulfilled. If that changes, then I might pursue something. Until then… I’m all good here." *Remember that romantic does not have to mean sexual:* *OOP's response:* "This is very true. I’m pretty open to anything in both regards. Romance and sexuality are not rigid for me. :)" *Responding to those who tell him he NEEDS to set boundaries with Nolan for both of their healths:* \*"\*I’m genuinely fascinated by this point of view. We *do* have other friends and boundaries with one another. Two people choosing to share their lives together and not actively pursuing romantic relationships doesn’t automatically lean towards something unhealthy. At least from my perspective. I think it’s all just about how people want to live their lives and different priorities. But I seem to be in the minority here." "There is only so much about my friendship with him I can include here, and this update post was largely centered around what happened with my ex-fiancée. Why would I list boundaries I have with my friend that are unrelated to this single conflict I posted about? In my eyes: He didn’t sabotage anything. *I* chose my priorities, they were out of line with what was required for a romantic relationship, and I’m now out of that relationship. The value of said relationship is relative. I hope Jess and I remain close friends, but I feel relieved to be rid of extra pressures when I wanted to live my life one way and she wanted something else." "I have a therapist and I wish to god that there was no AITA character limit so I could fit all my repeated comments into the original post. He does not trauma dump on me. We talk like normal people do. He sees a therapist regularly. I’ve known him since we were 15, we’re 25 now." *Dude, why get engaged in the first place?* "The engagement was a spur of the moment event when I had been drinking. I wouldn’t say it’s something I regret because I think both she and I knew it wasn’t a ‘marriage is right around the corner, let’s start planning now’ situation. I mostly just regret not having an honest conversation with her up front about the different places people took up in my life. That was a huge mistake on my end." *Are you attracted to Nolan?* "Reflecting on how we first met, it was basically just me trying to manifest an excuse to talk to the cool tall boy I saw, and then I actually *got* that excuse and invited him over to my house during our first conversation. So… I certainly think he is nice to look at and particularly nice to spend time with. I don’t typically think that hard about my interactions with most men other than him." *Going forward:* "I’m just letting things happen as they happen at this point. If he and I do move back in together, though, I think I’m going to just start telling people we’re together no matter what - if he’s comfortable with it, of course. There’s too many people who don’t get that I **do not** want a romantic relationship in any shape or form going forward (outside of this) and if this whole thing has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want to be stuck answering questions about it my entire life. Lol." *Ex-fiancée:* "She’s the one that suggested we remain friends. I came into things wanting to be completely honest. Other than that, the ball was in her court. If she wanted to forgive me, never see me again, whatever. That was purely up to her. Will it continue on past her moving out? I don’t know. But I do know I’m very glad we’re not ending on a totally sour note." *One more thought from OOP:* "As I said in other comments, I think I worded the original post wrong because people are assuming I put him on the same level as my parents or siblings and that isn’t the case. I honestly think people would’ve had a more positive reaction if I had said “I’ve been with Nolan this whole time, jokes on everyone!” than “I made a mistake proposing to my fiancée, I’m now single and can admit I feel emotionally fulfilled by this person. He is my life partner and I choose to share my life with him while also having other friends/family as well who don’t fall into that category of intensity.” Because half of the responses are “that’s so weird… you have to be having sex with the person you put number one in your life!” He and I have spoken and are in agreement. He’s asked me to come to one of his therapy sessions so we can further discuss and I finally agreed and we set a date to make that happen. Most of the comments on the post I made on my own page (which has since been deleted) were “we don’t care about Nolan, we just want to make sure your fiancée is good!” but now that I’ve affirmed that she’s okay, we’re going our separate ways\~\~,\~\~— it’s the opposite. I don’t know. The update was focused on her for a reason." **Edit: OOP had a few deleted comments that I did not include here because I could not tell if he was trying to troll the people who were asking questions or not.** But, because some questions have come up a few times in this BORU post, here is one of his deleted comments: *Someone asks a very stereotypical sex life question about him and Nolan:* "I’ve got metaphorical leash holder in my bio for a reason." If you would like to see OOP's deleted comments, [here](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11cr1qf/update_aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_my/?sort=old) is the unddit link again. Search by his username.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11iozfb/aita_for_telling_my_fiancée_that_my_friends/

11iozfb