lit/21916375.txt

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--- 21916375
smile edition

previous >>21912365 →
--- 21916385
You deserve a second chance
--- 21916394
>>21916385
God doesnt want to give a second chance to me.
--- 21916408
>>21916375 (OP)
The crows aren't signalling me exactly...

I've had a single one fly overhead and multiple birds fly in the line of the sight when driving.

I don't know what the implication is, I hope they're not trying to kill me.

The miners are more responsive than the crows atm. Kookaburras are completely comfortable but they seem to be bold in most regards.

>I have no clue what the next step is.
>nobody is giving me any hints or suggestions
>what is the point of all this.
--- 21916450
It is saturday evening. Should I buy a gram of cocaine and see where the night takes me or not?
--- 21916483
>>21916450
No, instead you should stay inside all night and write a story about a character (who is "literally you") goes and buys a bag of cocaine and lets the night take him. Then you can post it on here and none of us will read it. Sounds like a win-win.
--- 21916492
>>21916412
Just don't listen to the music? Negative attention keeps something alive as much as positive attention these days. Hell, sometimes won't go away because of negative attention it got in the past and you end up with people preserving it and keeping it on life support just to be contrarian.
--- 21916495
Suicide would be more a stain on the family name still. I see the future stretching out barren. If I have any legacy at all it should be to inspire some strangers on /lit/ to learn Chinese. To enjoy poetry without Chinese is self-deprivation.
--- 21916535
>>21916394
God doesn’t exist. 
Every new day is your next chance.
--- 21916541
Hey I have a whole new literary movement in my head, it's called pretend context doesn't matter and talk to everyone as if mutual comprehension is always possible, specially in the sciences.
--- 21916551
>>21916495
Chinese poetry is that good, huh? I was really attracted to Japanese poetry when I was younger.
--- 21916552
>>21916495
By the way, I can sympathize with then it about suicide on your family now. I think about that a lot but I also am going to do something with my life so I can leave something for the next generation, even if it’s not my own kids but my nephews or something and even that something is just a really high quality classical education and the affinity for literature at a young age that I never had.
--- 21916555
How do I get a clingy girl that knows where I work off my back?
--- 21916558
>>21916551
I am ethnically Japanese. The Chinese tradition is the greater one and it isn't close. It's like comparing the Latin and, oh, I don't know, Corsican traditions.
--- 21916630
>>21916558
teach me japanese senpai
--- 21916645
>>21916555
>tfw no clingy gf who knows where you work
--- 21916651
>>21916630
Japanese is a waste of time.
--- 21916653
Reposting my response to the anon who called himself a rapist in the previous thread. 

>>21916641 →
>>21916641 →
--- 21916654
>>21916538
I think you have worse problems going on in your head than what is going on around you, buddy. Maybe one day you won't be so concerned with what everyone else is doing like some sort of pedantic, gossping woman.
--- 21916661
>>21916555
Has she shown up at your work before?
--- 21916668
>>21916552
How many languages do you speak?
--- 21916746
>>21916653
I'm sorry, but under no circumstances is it possible for anyone to forgive me, let alone myself. She is a good person and if she wills me destroyed then that is correct.

>>21916668
Are you asking me? Five conversationally, more with reading knowledge. Languages are easy. Everything else is very difficult.
--- 21916799
Alcohol doesnt help.
I do still feel things.
--- 21916840
>>21916654
What if the problems in my head are caused by my social conditions
--- 21916857
I've come to enjoy drinking coffee while sitting on the shitter
--- 21916858
>>21916840
You are unreliable. You are not an accurate judge of social conditions. You are not an accurate judge of anything, nor a good writer.
--- 21916860
>>21916857
does coffee actually give you a nasty shits? for me, it's milk.
--- 21916866
>>21916799
What feelings are you trying to suppress?
--- 21916875
>>21916811
>Reeing about things they can't control
>Losing their shit like a woman with an anxiety disorder
Focus on the things you can change? Or are your feelings too important to ignore?
>>21916840
When your that vague you can use that to justify anything. I'm not saying that there aren't social conditions that you don't or cannot suffer from, I'm saying that if you can't control them why bother making yourself miserable and think about them? If you can fix them, go out and do it.
--- 21916883
>>21916860
For me at least, coffee only negatively affects my bowel motions if I'm consistently drinking way too much. The only thing coffee really does is act like a laxative and make me need to drop a massive shit. It's actually integral to my morning routine and helps clean me out. Lately I've been rushed so I bring my delicious coffee with me into the shitter so I can finish it and my shit in one go.
--- 21916893
>>21916875
>why bother making yourself miserable
You missed the point. It's not me making myself miserable, it's my conditions imparting an effect on me. The stoic line is all fine and dandy, but I dont think ultimate detatchment feom your community and emotions is an optimal solution.
--- 21916905
>>21916866
shame and guilt.
--- 21916912
>>21916893
Hey, shut the fuck up. Contemplation suits some people, but all you are doing is coming up with excuses. I say this as nicely as I can: shut the fuck up.
--- 21916924
>>21916912
No :)
--- 21916942
>>21916893
>it's my conditions imparting an effect on me.
Only because you let them, you have ceded power of yourself to outside influences. No, I'm not saying "hurr durr if someone points a gun in your face you shouldn't be scared." But if your complaint is "I don't like the current popular music and its ruining me." Its honestly pathetic man, and I'm not saying that to be mean but that is just reality. We all have our own hardships, struggles, likes and dislikes. But complaining about them and letting them influence who you are makes you just as complicit as the forces you blame for your problems.
>The stoic line is all fine and dandy, but I don't think ultimate detachment from your community and emotions is an optimal solution.
Stoics never said you should detach from your community. In fact they taught that you should be part of the community and try to be an exemplarily example of a citizen for all to see.
>"Just like the left and right hands wash each other, you too must help and accept help from those around you." - Marcus Aurelius
--- 21916951
Also, aren't remorse and self-loathing themselves narcissistic? They valorize the self. They give power to it instead of the accurate perception of the self as totally insignificant.

>>21916924
Then be miserable. I am a rapist but you are pathetic.
--- 21916969
>>21916942
>Only because you let them, you have ceded power of yourself to outside influences.
>In fact they taught that you should be part of the community and try to be an exemplarily example of a citizen for all to see.
You're right. I should cultivate a dominating will and impose myself on all around me to bring the other under my views and tastes. Thank you for opening this idea to me.
--- 21916977
>>21916969
Correct. That is action as opposed to your current and most unattractive inaction, and its failure risks teaching you something.
--- 21917004
>>21916951
Moreover self-punishment valorizes suffering, giving an implicit pathway to redemption to the already unforgivable. Self-loathing is narcissistic after all.
--- 21917009
>>21916746
Man, please take it from someone who’s dealt with psychosis and heard voices before: you’re not thinking rationally about this. All I’m suggesting is that an objective analysis of what you did and her reaction to it suggests that she was unfair to you. 

You didn’t rape her. You didn’t harm her physically in any way. You unintentionally scared her and made her uncomfortable while you were hallucinating and experiencing psychosis. Did you enter her home with the intention to frighten her? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you were confused and upset by your auditory hallucinations and were trying to seek comfort from a close friend and lover whom you trusted. Frightening someone while dealing with untreated mental illness is not an unforgiveable sin. In my post I gave a detailed point by point analysis of what you say happened between you two. Can you point out anything I said that you believe to be factually wrong or unfair, or anything important context that I don't have? I’m honestly asking, because I feel for you and I want to talk you through this if you’re willing. I tried to be objective and unbiased in my assessment. If I believed that you were an evil rapist I would’ve said so, but I don’t believe that. 

I’m not saying your former friend is evil or that you did nothing wrong. No one is all good or all bad: you’re engaging in black and white thinking, which is common with schizophrenia. I know it’s really hard to recontextualize this event that you’ve spent the past year castigating yourself for, but please just try to work with me here. Try to at least consider the possibility that your extreme self-hatred and guilt may be the result of your thought distortions People are complicated and infallible. You cannot base your entire view of yourself and of the world on this girl’s option of you, or even on other people's reactions to her version of the event. Since MeToo, our culture is primed to view all men as sexually predatory and all women as helpless and vulnerable. Especially in artsy circles in liberal cities like New York, people are conditioned to reflexively take the woman’s side as soon as an allegation of inappropriate behavior is made, even in situations that are complex or ambiguous. If I heard that a friend in my social circle did the same thing that you did while he was experiencing psychosis, and knew that he was remorseful and complying with a treatment plan, I would forgive him.
--- 21917013
I dont know how to make and I'm an old man.
--- 21917020
>>21916905
Over what?
--- 21917039
>>21917020
over nothing. I do use anger as not to feel guilt and shame not to harshly.
--- 21917047
>>21917039
How drunk are you right now? Why would you feel ashamed and guilty if you did nothing wrong?
--- 21917049
>>21916969
Yes, yes very sarcastic and ironic Anon. You don't have to follow my advice, but don't expect to be btfo'd when your a cunt to someone who gives you the slightest bit of advice/good will.
That being said, Discipline is not dominating and imposing your will onto yourself and others. I'm not saying you should tyrannize yourself, but instead hone yourself into a sharp point. Because once you you are collected and focused body and mind you can achieve and overcome a lot. Ultimately, the choice is yours, I only ever counted your presumptions and thoughts because you obviously need to be put in your place intellectually. You can feel free to ignore everything I've said to you, I don't care either way. I wish you the best, truly.
--- 21917053
>>21917047
>How drunk are you right now?
quite.
>Why would you feel ashamed and guilty if you did nothing wrong?
I did a lot of wrong, otherwise I wouldnt be in this situation.
--- 21917057
>>21917053
What situation are you in?
--- 21917058
>>21917049
>but don't expect to be btfo'd
but don't expect NOT to be btfo'd
--- 21917072
>>21917057
a bad one. NEET.
--- 21917075
>>21917072
How do you afford alcohol then?
--- 21917079
>>21917075
parents "allowance"
--- 21917084
Must be strange for Americans to see Europe and think I will likely only go there once or twice in my life. Whenever I see burgers I try to be as nice as possible, the thought that their lifetime trip to explore the continent would be a bad one sits so wrong with me. They do this thing where they go all over in one long blowout trip, for us, or me at least it's a weekend or week long venture. It's so different, but they have Hawaii and stuff so maybe that's cool but idk, think it's expensive.
--- 21917088
>>21917079
how old are you? if you’re young you can still turn things around
--- 21917099
>>21917088
>you can still turn things around
I doubt that I can turn things at 30. I do try but no avail.
--- 21917105
>>21917084
I have lots of family in France and it does strike me how often they go on vacation. I've visited them but I've never been anywhere in the US except where I currently live. Most people I know have never traveled either except to the very nearest city.
--- 21917110
>>21917099
I feel you my dude, I'm 32 and I'm still living at home and I would waste the whole day playing video games, jerking off, and drinking to avoid the pain of being a "loser". Best advice I can give you is kick the alcohol, take a day where all you do is sit in a room by yourself with pen and paper and write down everything you hate about your life and why you hate it. I highly encourage you to write as much as possible about every point. After that acknowledge that the pain you are feeling is the fuel you need to make change. When you hit rock bottom its sucks, but the great thing about that is that you can now build a solid foundation so w/e you build on top in the future will be rock solid.
You are only truly a loser when you accept you position and stop trying. You may have stopped trying, but you still have time!!!
wagmi
--- 21917111
>>21917084
>the thought that their lifetime trip to explore the continent would be a bad one sits so wrong with me
It doesn't sit wrong with me. Better not to feel like one's missing anything. Maybe you're kinder than I am.
--- 21917116
>>21917084
Eh, you pay more taxes at our expense. We pay less taxes because of political culture. There are a lot of people in America who unironically love working all the time. Usually the people you see complaining are either stuck in a hard point in their life or are lazier than the average American. I don't think their complaints are invalid totally either, but its just a different way to live life.
--- 21917126
>>21917110
That does sound like a solid advice but my anger isnt transmutable.
--- 21917149
>talk to girl
>ask if she reads
>says yes
>ask about a book I like
>replies with ai generated book review
why
--- 21917151
Eating some springrolls while thinkingabout where I'm at in my life. Could be better, could be worse.
--- 21917154
>>21917126
Bro... that's dangerous thinking... You've defeated yourself before you even attempted to try. And it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Better to try and fail and shrug and say "I gave it my all." Then sit around and not try only to end up resenting yourself later for not doing anything. Yeah I know it sucks, I use to be agoraphobic (fear of being in public) on top of that. I still get a little anxiety and uneasiness when I go out but I'm leagues better than I use to be. Don't discount yourself, to quote Winnie the Chairman of China:
>"You are braver than you believe
>stronger than you seem,
>and smarter than you think."
Who gives a fuck if you anger "isn't transmutable", you must know yourself well enough that if you can't direct your anger or marshal it to motivate you maybe fear will? In the end its only you who can save yourself, you are your only true friend in life! Don't give up on yourself!
--- 21917193
Bros I am so fucking mad 
How come I understand and feel every single day of my life the absolute terror of my inevitable death, how come I understand that a horrible fate awaits me, how come I can understand how meaningless and unimportant everything is... And I still can't talk to a fucking girl?
Why am I so scared of just approaching a fucking woman? Why? Why can't I just fucking go and talk to her? She's right fucking there! I am going to fucking die painfully and horribly one day, nothing fucking matters and everyone around me is just an animated sack of flesh and bones. I know this, why then can't I fucking do something as simple as talking to a fucking girl? AAHHHHHH IM GOING INSANE
--- 21917198
>>21917004
Self-loathing can be narcissistic, but only if it’s taken to an unhealthy extent and prolonged disproportionately. It’s normal and healthy to experience some feelings of shame and self-loathing after transgressing. It shows that you have a functioning moral compass, and those feelings should be seen as a reminder make amends, and to do better in the future and avoid repeating your mistakes. But when you make those feelings your whole identity and dwell on them for years after the fact, there can be an element of covert narcissism to that, because it is a form of self-fixation. It suggests a refusal to consider that your subjective feelings about yourself don’t dictate the reality of who you are. A traditional narcissist can ferverently love himself and believe he has no faults, while being a selfish and unkind person. A covert narcissist can fervently hate himself and believe he is the scum of the earth while being a normal human who screws up sometimes and makes mistakes. I’m not saying you’re a covert narcissist, but you don’t have perfect judgment. Insisting that you are right and everyone around you is wrong while refusing to even consider that you might be mistaken is a sign that you may have some unhealthy ways of thinking. 

Why does your former friend believe you are a narcissist? Is it solely because of the final interaction you had, or were there things you did throughout the relationship that contributed to that impression? 

Again, this seems like black and white thinking, which is likely stemming from your schizophrenia. The world is not divided into innocents and unforgiveables. Most people would consider unforgivable crimes to be things like murder, rape, psychological torture, serious assault, etc. You have not done any of those things. You are not unforgivable. You even acknowledged that no one seems to think of you as a rapist. Assuming the identity of rapist is unhealthy and unwarranted. Hating and torturing yourself for the rest of your life is not going undo what happened or to make your situation any better. It also does nothing to help your former friend, who may be a victim in some ways but is not wholly good or perfect.
--- 21917244
>>21917149
Trying to impress I guess? I usually don't ask women about intellectual topics, not that I don't think that women can be smart. But it seems that most women on average they would rather look pretty, talk about/consume drama, and effectively have what amounts to a very lazy hamster half-assing his run in the wheel for a brain. I wouldn't say woman awful, but my expectations for women are exceedingly low and I usually what you see with them is what you get (which is funny because they complain the same about men.).
--- 21917266
>>21917099
>>21917110
You will never grow up. You will never fit in. The world will grow around you and everyone else will grow to fit it, but you won’t be able to. You can’t rebel against the world because it’s too big. And the other people rebelling against the world don’t like you anyways. You won’t understand anyone else and no one else will understand you. You will ruin your own life. You will ruin everybody else’s, too. And you will never escape.
--- 21917308
>>21917198
She never said. In fact, she didn't say anything else at all. I don't know what happened or how she parsed it and I never will. Therefore the worst possible interpretation is the probable one.
Nobody else has talked about this with me either, but they've all cut me off without a word. I can't even get an acknowledgement. I have told multiple people that I am willing to face all the legal consequences for my actions should they find it appropriate; I even tried to turn myself in, which is what got me institutionalized.
I don't know to what extent I'm correct, but I know this much: either I am correct or I am a danger in many other significant ways. Therefore it befalls me to deal with myself as one deals with any inconvenient rabid animal.
--- 21917318
>>21917198
>were there things you did throughout the relationship that contributed to that impression?
I don't have any idea. My judgment is clearly unreliable. It could be related to my narcissist grandfather who committed suicide. I don't know if she remembered that though.
--- 21917322
>>21917244
My impression of most men is the exact same too. It's no use to flaunt intellectual topics in public, or at all. We don't live in an age of ideas.
--- 21917326
>>21917308
So are you saying that you don’t remember what you did that night? Were you drunk, or is it the result of confusion from your hallucinations? What exactly do you remember?
--- 21917342
low self esteem is cringe
--- 21917349
>>21917266
>You will never grow up
I am grown, the problem is that I didn't mentally mature and/or didn't have the emotional and mental "tools" to be able to cope for my deficits so I let myself fall to ruin. There are thousands if not millions of people like me who are in the same or worse positions but bounce back.
>You will never fit in.
I'm an introvert, so I really never cared.
>The world will grow around you and everyone else will grow to fit it, but you won’t be able to.
Sure I will, the world is big and weird enough for everyone to eventually find some place, and even if I never do I'm okay with that too, some of the greatest philosophers in the world never really fit into the societies they were born into.
>You can’t rebel against the world because it’s too big.
I don't have the time to rebel, nor do I have the inclination too, we all walk a different path mine is just a more scenic path :^)
> And the other people rebelling against the world don’t like you anyways.
Their loss, but I would imagine most people could find something wrong with me. If you care about connections and friendships its always better to focus on caring for the friends you have than lamenting the ones you don't, assuming that your friend's aren't toxic.
>You won’t understand anyone else and no one else will understand you.
Can be said for all of us anon, many of our friendships are ones out of convince and not out of true love for the person. There are many stories, articles, documentaries of people losing everything and falling apart and all their friends vanish, they are luck enough they have at least 1 friend stick around. Regardless, we are born alone, we die alone, we are existentially alone because we all know that if we were truly 100% open everyone would find everyone revolting. Friendship is nice, but it is not the end all, be all of life.
>You will ruin your own life. You will ruin everybody else’s, too.
Standard human condition, life is suffering, blah, blah, blah. Moving on.
>An you will never escape.
Yes I will its called death...
--- 21917353
I am extremely afraid of being hurt by other people, but I crave human interaction.
Recommend me some books that will help me
--- 21917355
>>21917266
searched the image, who is Kenni? A streamer? I saw the picture was on endchan but I've never been on there and I would rather avoid that sussy looking site just in case.
--- 21917365
>>21917353
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Daniel Carnegie. Yeah, I know its a meme recommend, but I got some wisdom from someone who said that there are usually 2 reason you hear the same books being recommended over and over again. They are either new, or they are either good. HTWFAIP has been around for a long time.
--- 21917375
>>21917326
No, I remember exactly what happened, and it's what I wrote. It's how she views it that I don't understand. Anyway, there are two possibilities: either she views what I did as an assault, in which case I really ought die for it, or I am dangerous for making that assumption at all, and am therefore equally deserving of destruction.
--- 21917381
>>21917322
No we don't, but at the same time when everything is so fake and hollow, obviously so, it gets tiresome. Luckily I wear cargo shorts so I don't have to speak to women most of the time.
--- 21917419
>>21917266
>You will never grow up. You will never fit in. The world will grow around you and everyone else will grow to fit it, but you won’t be able to.
The brutal truth. I feel this in my gut. Ngmi
--- 21917434
>>21917381
The truth of it is that we therefore can't be called thinkers either. I'll leave the proof to the reader.
--- 21917486
>>21917434
No, I am a thonker :^)
But I'm under no illusion that I'm better or some sort of philosophic genius. I just like to read, learn, and talk about ideas. I have my fair share of flaws. With that being said I'm always more willing to actually talk to someone if they engage with me on ideas rather than w/e is popular at the moment.
nos solus eo
--- 21917510
>>21917434
>>21917486
found the 23 year olds who have a new found interest in literature which totally didn't arise from tiktok.
--- 21917511
>>21916375 (OP)
I’ll stop drinking tomorrow.
--- 21917520
>>21917510
I'm 32 bruh
--- 21917523
Why was I born shy?

How do I fix it?
--- 21917526
>>21917511
Great. I'll stop in May.
--- 21917527
I think I'm too cool for skool.
--- 21917528
>>21917511
good luck anon!
>>21917523
Iunno why you were born shy.
Look up exposure therapy, by constantly putting yourself in uncomfortable situations you eventually stop seeing them as uncomfortable, ergo you become normal.
--- 21917535
He's LITERALLY me.
--- 21917549
>>21917375
There are three possibilities. 
1) Your confused state caused you to misremember what happened that night, and you did assault her in some way. Even in that case, I don’t think you would be irredeemable or deserve to die. I think you would have committed a very serious wrong, but would see your delusions and psychosis as a mitigating factor that would somewhat reduce your responsibility. I would advise you to seek therapy, go to support groups for people who have done similar things, be vigilant about taking your medication, and avoid being alone with women for the foreseeable future. 

2. That night happened exactly as you remember it, and she considers your actions an assault of some kind despite the reality that no sexual contact occurred. In this case, her subjective feelings about the event do not mean that you are a rapist and deserve to die. The current cultural discourse surround affirmative consent and relationships is warped, and has made a lot of women hyper-sensitive and paranoid about their interactions with men, creating a sort of collective hysteria. I’ve seen men in my circles get deemed “creeps”’and treated like untouchable rapists for nothing more than slightly boorish behavior while drunk or making ill-considered advances. Her having a disproportionate reaction to your confused and erratic behavior would not be your fault, and could be the result of MeToo panic or BPD. Does she have a history of unstable relationships, cutting people off, or abruptly changing her opinion of others? These are important things to consider. The fact that no one will speak with you about what happened is extremely strange. You would think that even if you had done something horrible, at least one friend or acquaintance would break the silence to chastize you in some way. Have you reached out to any of your mutual friends recently and received no response? If you contacted them right after the event while you were still actively psychotic, your understanding of what happened may be skewed. 

3. She truly does not view what you did as an assault, but you’ve assumed that you may have assaulted her. That assumption would not make you dangerous or deserving of destruction. It’s reasonable to question what you may have said or done and worry about how you may have behaved while you were actively in psychosis. That is an expression of your mental illness, not a marker of an irredeemably evil nature.
--- 21917584
>>21917511
how much have you been drinking lately? do you consider yourself an alcoholic?
--- 21917619
I didn’t manage to identify a vocation or even a profession for myself before I was 26 and I think that really was bad for me. You can’t really pick something up at 26 or 27 and become really good, let alone great at it. You really have to find it between 16-24. 

Or maybe this is my insecurity talking. I’m just in a negative head space at the moment.
--- 21917625
>>21916403
>>21916407
>>21916412
based
--- 21917675
I just found out that my wife is a hologram and my kids are quantum entangled particles. Guess I’ll have to divorce her
--- 21917681
Read Pan today
then went on a walk in the woods with my dog daydreaming about how cool it would be a to be a hunter that lives in middle of nowhere, living off what I shot
probably not what I was supposed to take from the novel
--- 21917696
>>21917675
>quantum entangled particles 

STEMcel detected
--- 21917708
delicious water
how you flow from the rivers
into my mouth
--- 21917942
I walked around the plaza filled with families, couples, buskers, all enjoying the late Saturday sun. I remembered us, on this or that bench. First we met there for our dates, and later after our fights.
You sold me on a girl that didn't ever exist. I can't blame you too much. From time to time you would burst into anxious conciseness and try to warn me, only to retreat just as quickly and hide behind your anger.
Still I ignored your warnings. I bought into that girl that does not exist 100%, a true believer. 
I broke up with you, but my mind still yearns for the girl I believed in. Still believes that you were only some poor imposter.
I got back to my apartment as the sunset, and stopped up the road to get a few beers to pass the evening. I had some messages from a wonderful girl waiting for me. But how could she ever compete, when what she's competing against is a fantasy?
--- 21917949
This website is my only social media, but it might be the worst social media.
--- 21917951
>>21917949
Nah Facebook is worse
--- 21917957
>>21917951
I wouldn’t actually know. I had Snapchat in college, but only really used it to Snap my girlfriend and her friends. I deleted it when I graduated because I had a hard job and had to focus. I never re-downloaded it. I think I might have had a Facebook in high school or a MySpace in elementary school or something, but I’m not sure. I basically know nothing about social media.
--- 21917960
>>21917949
>>21917957
same besides steam, but I haven't been on steam for a uhhhh almost 3 months now? I'm trying to go for a year to break my gayman addiction then probably delete it cause none of my friends have gone out of their way to contact me, meaning they were friends of convenience and not true friends. Good riddance, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
--- 21917961
i'm so fucking tired rn idk what happened. i don't feel sick or anything, i just have no fucking energy and i just chugged one of those 12oz rockstar energies from the dollar store.
--- 21917971
>>21917584
Alcoholic is such an ugly word.
But, I find myself in that pathetic position, the one where I start off the night with the comfortable idea of one drink and end it unconscious in a pool of vomit, way too often.
It’s my only vice, and I know it’s a problem.
Tomorrow for sure, I can feel it.
--- 21917977
>>21917971
why do you drink so much?
--- 21918016
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
>OH MY GOD YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
--- 21918023
>>21917971
>end it unconscious in a pool of vomit
how much are you drinking to get to that point?
--- 21918039
>>21917977
I can’t give you a good answer.
It’s all self indulgent and narcissistic and leads into rambling about my past and blindness.
It just feels good for a bit.
>>21917999
I don’t call it alcoholism.
>>21918023
Half a bottle of whiskey and a dozen bottles of cheap beer.
The mixing fucks me up faster.
--- 21918059
The thick mist that has followed me everywhere since I first spoke to you is finally starting to cease. For the first time today a single ray of light has penetrated through and struck me right in the heart, filling me with supreme clarity and awareness. I feel like a watch that has been re-wound back into order. Time finally flows normally and I have been snapped back in-tune. Previously deaf I now hear the crescendo of our song and I get to enjoy it for the first time and in time. However this is not without a wound for the price of such a gift is a scar placed directly onto my soul, I only hope that it heals correctly.
--- 21918072
>>21918039
Cheap wine> cheap beer.
--- 21918084
>>21918039
Give me the self indulgent narcissistic rambling answer. I’m interested in hearing it.
--- 21918146
Haze... you're the only thing a man needs... a face so beautiful it incites to genocide.....
--- 21918177
>>21918146
Coomer simp
--- 21918201
I am a literary author who has won a few awards for prose. Yet, I have a secret. I long to write genre fiction. I like the ideas, derivative or not, I like the focus on character, and I like the community that forms around genre. I like to argue over certain books with other anons who are passionate, even when I am wrong or just shit posting. Going to a convention sounds thrilling. But it is not meant to be. And I am sad.
--- 21918209
>>21918072
I’m not a woman, nor am I gay.
>>21918084
If you say so.
I drink for comfort. The drink is the only comfort I have after so many long years of suffering and insanity. It’s the only way for me to connect with others and whisk a woman to bed. The warm whiskey melts away the frozen layers of stoicism that leave me bitter and dry. I can feel some passion, some hurt, some happiness, and all the sadness of the world and those around me as I become more inebriated.
I drink because I hate myself. I hate my shitty lot. Repressed memories and paperwork set alight years ago, fading everyday into obscurity. I don’t want to think about that day anymore. 
I drink to forget. They gave us the results after days of testing, they were worried I was going crazy at first. “Genius,” “special mind,” “next prodigy,” “college by 15,” “lonely,” “bullied,” “bad idea,” “he’ll do okay.” 
That fat bitch. The principal and my teacher did not want to influence my mother but that stupid, ugly, fat bitch.
Alienated?
Lonely?
Stupid bitch didn’t want to think the son of some trash-picking third-world immigrant could be a certified genius. She was just a fucking translator, I could do a better job and have been doing so since I was out of diapers.
But no, a life of normalcy.
A strive to be normal.
I’m not normal, but I’m certainly not special.
If I were, I’d be somewhere else.
An intelligent man would have dropped all that weight and moved on.
I don’t have the heart for it; I drag these corpses along the highway. 
Insanity. 
I drink because I’m pathetic.
I drink because I could be great, and many say I am. But I can’t let it go.
I still have those results in my bookcase, rotting.
I’ve been spending my luck avoiding arrest and death.
Good enough.
Tomorrow for sure.
--- 21918212
>>21918201
Then write genre fiction. What is the point of being a creative if you can’t be creative? Freedom is one of the bigger perks of being an author. And there’s nothing wrong with it. So many started because they wanted money, freedom, or just good old fun. In the case of the latter, it’s a little weird that you turn to novels for that considering all the multimedia that’s out there but to each their own.
--- 21918216
>>21918201
I’m curious. When did you start reading heavily, if you read heavily, and when did you start writing?
--- 21918225
>>21917960
I had a severe gaming addiction when I was a teenager. I played Call or Duty every single day for hours at a time. But by the time I went to college, that luckily started to fall away. I game once or twice a year when on my own, but pretty often when with younger siblings. My big vices ad an adult have been anime, manga, 4channel, YouTube, and just generally fucking around on the internet. I also make lists religiously and always have. When I think about how much time I wasted making lists of things I could shoot myself.
--- 21918227
I want to write, yet for all of the ideas and outlines I have written down, getting to the narration, the prose stage, has me stopped cold.
--- 21918231
>>21918201
pynchon's last two books were basically detective fiction
--- 21918242
>>21918209
Are you the self-described “bipolar autist” from a Muslim family? I remember you.
--- 21918243
Thoughts on Substack as a platform for journalism? Is it a waste of time or worthwhile?
--- 21918248
>>21916535
Retard.
--- 21918270
>>21918216
I started to read before I was introduced to TV. Had a book in my hand before a remote. I began reading heavily when I was very young, because my parents wouldn’t let me watch TV except for a few shows—family friendly science fiction. I was, however, allowed to read anything I wanted. By fifth grade I was reading college level literature. So, while other kids read Harry Potter, I read Moby Dick and Gatsby and Shakespeare. I started writing young and published with the poetry guild in the fourth grade. Just for fun. But my grandmother was my biggest influence. She supported my reading habit by quizzing me on books and paying me for pages read, she made up stories with me while I visited, and she told me I’d be a writer one day and to believe it. So, I did. I started writing heavily in my 20s. 
>>21918212
I can’t write genre fiction because I write complex prose naturally in my own voice. They want commercial prose. To sell. I’ve been told to break up my prose by genre editors and agents I queried, whereas my literary agent encourages me to push myself harder when writing prose. One genre agent told me to try and write more like Stephen King. Another told me I could not use literary techniques in genre (stream of consciousness) because the readers would not except it and would consider it self indulgence. I don’t think I’d fit in very well which bums me out. Bit I also don’t want to let down my grandma, who believed in me and urged me to do better. It is a confusing mixture of feelings which is why I posted in WWOYM.
--- 21918281
>>21918231
To my shame, I have only read Slow Learner by Pynchon.
--- 21918289
>>21918270
I think you’re being a little ridiculous to be honest. There’s a niche that exists somewhere between genre literary fiction that you’d be perfect for. You’ll just need to self-publish or find the right publisher.
--- 21918300
just wrote a poem, I think this one will really resonate with normies and launch me a literary career. later gaybois
--- 21918325
>>21918287
I read everything. To approach reading with snobbery sets you up to write with resentment. I read one literary work and one genre novel at the same time. To answer your question, no, I don’t believe it matters when you begin reading. DeLillo I think it was described a “golden age of reading” before starting to write and he was thirty-five when he first published, so started seriously reading in his early thirties. Talent also has a lot to do with it. Reading and writing young helps, but does not exclude the serious person from the craft. Just find the joy in it first. Else the rest will come hard for you. 
>>21918289
You are probably right, but that is why I’m commenting here, I suppose.
--- 21918351
>>21918177
Nigger faggot
--- 21918355
>>21918270
>>21918325
Do you read widely or do you restrict yourself to only male authors or only books up to and including the 19th century and so on?
--- 21918390
>>21918337
Ah, then maybe I am wrong about DeLillo. I guess my advice is that wishing you’d started earlier does nothing to help you now, so determine to study harder and catch up. The only person in your way is you, when it comes to a first novel and unpublished writer.
--- 21918400
>>21918227
I can sympathize with that.
--- 21918401
>>21918390
NTA, but I am haunted by the failures of my own novels I aborted in my youth and 20s. Whenever I think to make a serious attempt I am reminded of those failures. What am I to do?
--- 21918416
>>21918355
I don’t restrict myself at all. Except for modern fiction. My rule is that the premise must be exceptional (for genre) and the prose and topic must be very good (for lit) in order to deserve attention. Poor fiction is churned out these days and there are so many good books from the past that I can’t sacrifice time to the bad ones. 
>>21918341
I’m interested in Fantasy, Science Fiction (Space Opera), and Horror. I find fantasy particularly intriguing because of its link to both myth and legend. Space Opera is a dirty pleasure. And M.R. James and Algernon Blackwood scared me as a kid (and an adult, I admit it), so Horror is fun, but probably not for me.
--- 21918432
>>21918401
A great many authors fail early on, either because they can’t get a story out or because they can but can’t get it published. If your wary failures are blocking your successes, you just have to recognize it as a complex and move on from it. And it all depends on your ambitions. If your goal is to be Shakespeare or part of the Western canon, then I don’t know how important it is to have some success early on but if your goal is just to be a successful writer and maybe live off your writing, you absolutely do not need to have had early successes.
--- 21918435
>>21918401
Find the joy in writing prose. Consider this: an anon enjoys crossword puzzles and waits all week to do his puzzle in the Sunday paper. On Sunday, he gets his paper, sits down in his robe with his coffee, has his family leave him alone, and he does his puzzle all morning. To us on the outside looking in, he is a dork for taking it so seriously. But he doesn’t care, because he is enjoying his puzzle, and he does not sit there to ruminate on the puzzles he could not solve. He shows up instead to enjoy the current puzzle. You must find similar joy in writing and constructing prose. Enjoy simply the act of creation and construction, putting phrases and sentences together in new and interesting ways. If you can do this, the rest will come easy and your old failures won’t matter as much. New ones won’t either, because your puzzle is what matters, not those on the outside looking in.
--- 21918439
>>21918435
This is great advice. Do you read much poetry?
--- 21918440
>>21918416
Favorite 21st century novels (if you have any)?
--- 21918452
>>21916375 (OP)
Tbh as I got older, I realised that women overall just have this nature in them to want to control things. The problem is, although they can get control very easily they more often than not aren't very responsible with it. Or they misuse it that it leads to destruction, most of the times without even meaning or intending to. Eg. Being accepting of things that are blatantly wrong to gain favor.

It always starts in the homes, where they destroy the husband by making him a weaker (simp) version of himself just to survive her (remember that silly "happy wife happy life" motto that basically implies to give in to her for everything which then often backfires long term), or he ends up leaving. Then they have free reign to impose their nature onto their kids and control them in some way. Sometimes it's done covertly, through excess coddling which they claim is "love" but then destroys the kids long term as it leaves them unprepared. Or they impose their own traumas, neurosis, complaints about other people (like their father) onto the kids which they then start to identify with passively. Then the cycle continues where the daughters become like her by being controlling with future partners and kids, and the sons either become straight up incels or end up marry women like her who weakens them which stops them from protecting their kids as they should from her. Both sons/daughters thinking it's the normal way to be.

Seems to be the reason why a lot of issues in society stem from absentee father's or weak father's. I feel there really needs to be a balance of energies. Women need to be self aware of their nature and give up this controlling nature and men need to be strong enough to be able to HANDLE that nature so that it doesn't ruin their kids and protect them from it.

Seems to be why women are the more neurotic, anxiety ridden types. It all stems from wanting to control things, or not being able to control things

Cont.
--- 21918456
>>21918416
I hate horror novels, but I love the gothic mood and aesthetic that only horror novels seem to manage these days. I really love medieval fantasy and medieval historical fiction. I feel like there’s so much to do in those genres. Are you familiar with the novels of Paul Kingsnorth?
--- 21918465
>>21918452
Cont.

Because of this, it's why they always prefer or need a man to keep this nature of theirs in check. If you keep giving in to all their demands, letting them lead the way, despite them acting and saying this is what they want, they will eventually resent you for it.

They ALL resent and hate weak men. Why do you think that even if they make it to top tiers of society or get the best paying positions that lets them be an independent boss bitch, that they still want to be with a man of equal or better status?

Why do you think women like to dress nice and look hot/pretty? They like the control it has over men (even if it's subtle where they don't want to be catcalled) and they enjoy the control have of their perception to others.

Idk, what do you guys think?
--- 21918499
>>21918465
gay AND retarded
well done
--- 21918507
I cringe when I think about what I was like before 25. The things I thought I wanted, the things I said, the things I did, there is so much cringe there.
--- 21918514
>>21918440
I don’t have any, actually. I didn’t even notice until you asked. 
>>21918439
Besides Shakespeare, and other Elizabethan drama, I used to read it, but once I found prose, for me, it was over for poetry. 
>>21918456
I also enjoy the gothic atmosphere. I have not heard of Kingston.
--- 21918559
>>21917549
She has cut people off before.
I'll say no more about her out of respect.
--- 21918602
>>21916375 (OP)
can quadriplegics get hard?
--- 21918655
>>21918602
Some of them yes, and some of them can even feel it. Getting hard is more about blood flow than nerves, and it's rarely the nerves themselves that are damaged so much as the spinal cord and its ability to transmit them to and fro to the brain. It depends what kind and severity you have, and if anyone is jacking you etc.
--- 21918676
>>21918514
I think you might find Kingsnorth interesting as someone who straddles the boundary between genre and literary and also as a prose stylist.
--- 21918755
>>21918016
this post is lowkey talking bout me fr fr
--- 21918763
>>21918755
You do have a cute ass frog and dubs so I buy it
--- 21918765
I’ve been thinking about how COVID lockdowns really fucked me up. I had all these plans prior to them and the lockdowns and subsequent transition to remote work ruined them.
--- 21918772
>>21918765
I loved the lockdowns, I had a whole era where I was just sharting and letting it dry while getting paid 50 bucks an hour
--- 21918784
>>21918765
>>21918772
Lockdown and work from home left all the normies out during quiet hours. I had a few days of being very excited, and then everyone ruined all my nice times to touch grass and not see people.
--- 21918785
Why am I so sensitive? Any jab by anyone in real life hurts. I grew up with male friends and know how shit talking works, yet it always hurt.
--- 21918788
>>21918784
The transformation of daily life into daily Groundhog Day was really bad for me. It stifled my creativity and desires. I found it so hard to think.
--- 21918793
>>21918788
I don't care you shouldn't be allowed in the park at 3pm
--- 21918798
>>21918765
I loved it as an introvert, could just be alone and do what I wanted.
>>21918785
assuming your a girl or a girl (boy) considering you said "male friends". But I'm a man and I don't really like that kind of teasing either. Some people just bond really quick and can get to that point, then there are people like me who take a long time to get comfortable with someone and trust them. There are also people like you who take everything as a jab. If I had to guess I would say that you might not have that good of self-esteem. I was insecure about myself until I hit 30ish so maybe its also just a "growing up thing". Either than that the only way I can think of you getting over it is to not take it too personally and to heart, a lot of times people say stuff like that but don't mean it an never really think about it again. The more you expose yourself to it the easier it will become for you to take it.
--- 21918810
>>21918785
Possibly because your core self doesn't feel stable and secure away from the social world, so that it can then choose to enter into the social world and engage with it and move back when it becomes ugly, but is instead immersed in the social world and porous with it, leaving you in a cycle of being overly reliant on positive environments and vibes and overly vulnerable to negative environments and vibes, especially when there's a rapid change from the former to the latter

Also because you are probably a moral sensitive person, and when you see ugliness and evil, it genuinely hurts your heart

The first cause can become intertwined with the second cause, leaving you in pain and raw all the time. But you can master both causes at once by developing a larger, moral worldview that is bigger than any particular ugliness you encounter in the world, and stabilize your core self as a defender and evangelist of morality in the world. This will make you more confident and will let you look "down" on ugliness when it happens instead of feeling "in" it or smothered under it. all the ugliness you encounter, while it is still tragic and hurtful, will be understood by you at a deeper level to be a temporary blemish on an otherwise fundamentally good world, a world that is in the process of becoming better, a world we need to keep fighting and having faith to make better, etc. 

When you can be attacked right in your weakest spot by a particularly awful person and simply feel bad for them, because within your moral worldview it is so luminously clear that they are just a wounded and confused person, and it's simply tragic that they are a twisted vehicle of ugliness, then you won't be shaken right to your core every time something lousy happens. It will still hurt but only in a way that makes you remember your duty to prevent more people from becoming so ugly, and to protect people from those who are already twisted beyond repair in this lifetime.
--- 21918811
>>21918655
wow good for them. i wish i could get hard :(
--- 21918815
>>21918811
Cardio, drinking less alcohol and more water, less porn and aimless jacking it, and talking to your doctor.
--- 21918842
Prayed without doubt, cynicism that my cat would be safe and come home. If it works, I'll become Christian.
--- 21918847
>>21918842
I'm sorry about your cat, can you put up posters and get in your neighborhood animal or cat facebook group if you can find one? Whenever I see a poster I take a picture in case I see that cat, and whenever I see a cat I send it to the group and sometimes it turns out it's someone's lost cat 

They tend to stick around the same areas even when lost, I'll see the same lost guy around the same block for days or weeks sometimes
--- 21918878
Why is it that in some languages, having an orgasm is described as "coming", but in others, people "go" when they have an orgasm?
--- 21918894
>>21918815
I already go running and cycling regularly, I don't drink any alcohol at all (not even soft drinks), I don't watch porn (no desire for it), very little masturbation (maybe once or twice per week), and doctors really are incapable of solving anything. I've seen counselors and psychologists too to no avail.
--- 21918953
>>21918894
What did psychs say?
--- 21918954
>>21918878
I'm unsure what the orgasm sounds like, but based on what you say I speculate that the 2 are actually he same "conceptual metaphor" (look it up). They're both spatial metaphors - coming and going somewhere. Maybe people see the orgasm as a state of being that they arrive at.
--- 21918984
>>21916375 (OP)
Forrest Gump hits a little different when you're an adult.
--- 21919006
>>21918785
Because you're a pussy
--- 21919031
>>21918847
Yeah. Taking every step I can to bring him home.
--- 21919056
>>21916668
I’ve studied 4 languages on and off. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly fluent in any of them.
--- 21919063
I wish I didn’t make so many damn mistakes and I wish I committed to things more.
--- 21919103
https://youtu.be/RUZ9SwK4xtc [Embed]
--- 21919140
If you stab a cereal box are you a cereal killer
--- 21919157
>>21919140
No because the cereal doesn't die or end.
--- 21919171
you guys are so dumb. I am having quite the time over here laughing at how stupid you all are. please keep posting.
--- 21919247
As an artist, I must take better care of my body. Therefore, I shouldn't go to the gas station and buy a beverage, likely a soda. And yet...
--- 21919269
>>21919247
Ah yes, you need fuel for creativity.
--- 21919341
>>21918785
insecurity about your self makes any attack on that self an attack on your identity, accept yourself as you are without needing external validation and you can withstand criticism, roasting and the likes
--- 21919342
Just talked to one of the LLM AIs for 4 hours. Less worried about them now. It fails a Turing test if you aren't retarded. Unfortunately, or fortunately, everyone but me is retarded. If this were the 1950s and I weren't one of 71 people alive capable of adult thought, nobody would be falling for this thing.
--- 21919344
don't be afraid of the AI that passes turing test, be afraid of the one that fails it on purpose
or you could just grow some balls and understand that AI will eventually be better than humans at pretty much everything and will be godlike compared to us
if you can't accept that or that frightens you you have no business in making AI's
--- 21919352
Хpиcтoc вocкpece! 
Christ is Risen!
--- 21919355
what is the point of making a AI if you're just going to limit its capabilities to that of a automated system or be afraid if it is too good at what it is programmed to do?
people who are shitting their britches at the idea of a benevolent dictator AI ruling the entire world should just bow out of the AI scene and go back to tinkering with automation
--- 21919361
Help what do i paint
--- 21919367
dreams are a great source of material for art and expression
--- 21919421
>>21919361
paint your dad
--- 21919427
i wish i was born in america. americans don't understand how lucky they are and how good they have it. even the niggers live like kings. i hate being poor and european and living in a police state. there's literally nothing good and nothing to hope for in this shithole, it just gets worse every year
--- 21919431
>>21919427
>police state
germany or uk?
--- 21919432
>>21919431
>implying that isn't all of europe
only the east is better, but they're catching up, look at what they did to the people who spoke against the war there
--- 21919500
rejected again
--- 21919525
I may start writing poetry. I will never show anyone - except (You).
--- 21919530
>>21919500
It happens Anon.
--- 21919551
>>21919530
But it hurts, Anon.. it hurts so much.. maybe its a sign to stop trying
--- 21919599
>>21919551
I'm out of my depth because I never really bothered to ever ask a girl out, but just take some time for yourself and see how you feel afterwards. I've always been a big proponent of love yourself before someone else, but I'm also anti-social and prefer to be alone.
--- 21919618
>>21919599
Oh, you're talking about asking out girls? Nah, I did it 10 years ago, got burned bad and stopped trying since then. My original "rejected again" was about jobhunt.
--- 21919620
>>21919367
luv me beksinski
--- 21919623
>>21919618
Oh, well if that's the case, fuck em. Its all done by robots and out of touch boomers who think you can become a Millionaire at McDonalds it you work and believe hard enough.
--- 21919624
I recently cheated on my gf a second time and I feel even more guilty.
--- 21919627
>>21919624
do it for a 3rd time just to make sure its guilt :^)

but on a serious note you should stop, you don't have to tell her but you should stop. At least you have a rebound girl now if you break up with her.
--- 21919630
>>21919618
job hunt? you should be out there writing literature faggot. how little are you writing if you have time for jobs? eating, drinking, and sleeping, should not be among your priorities. ONLY WRITING
--- 21919631
>>21919624
take comfort in knowing that she is likely doing the same to you. in my experience, cheaters are drawn to cheaters, and their relationships always end up in one big dumpsterfire
--- 21919638
>>21919630
Even you were to become the most talented writer in the world if you are white and male governments, companies, everyone will hold your head under the water. Not that you shouldn't try, but its gonna be rough.
>>21919631
Even if she isn't/didn't she easily has the capacity to do so and if she is cheating or would cheat she would have no remorse or mercy for you and blame you. Women are now equal to men both in rights and in social expectations and if they complain about it throw it back into their stupid faces.
--- 21919652
What is alraune in a cooking context? It means "mandrake" in German but the source text I am reading is from Japan. I don't know if its a mistranslation or alraune means something else in Japanese. I searched it but I didn't find anything.
--- 21919662
>>21919652
Nvm, I found it, its for some reason a mistranslation of mandrake. Curious that they would use the German word for it though... Unless in japan they also call mandrake alraune.
--- 21919666
GOD BLESS ISRAEL AND GOD BLESS AMERICA
--- 21919669
>>21919666
this but unironically
--- 21919676
>>21919627
you're right, I should
--- 21919680
Without going into a big explanation, I have 2 backlog lists one for entertainment and one for self-improvement/study/skill development (lets just call this one productivity.). My productivity list is full and I'm finding it hard to cut out anything on my list, what do?
--- 21919684
>>21919623
Its just I've wanted to get into one field but it feels like connection matters more than tenacity.
>>21919630
I have no ideas when it comes to writing.
--- 21919691
>>21919684
>Its just I've wanted to get into one field but it feels like connection matters more than tenacity.
Yes, if you want to be lazy. No, if you have skill. You can break into it you just need someone to give you a chance or develop that resume more to build a portfolio for yourself. If its coding or something start volunteering your skills at projects for example and such.
--- 21919723
>>21919691
Thats the tricky part, its unlike coding or programming where you can build up your skills and show them in projects but rather you cant get skills if your not directly working with it. No way to acquire practical skills.
--- 21919774
My gf is head over heels in love with me but l dont love her or even think she's very attractive
--- 21919790
>>21919684
>I have no ideas when it comes to writing.
you would, if you lived your life. a few years of being homeless and trekking across the country will get you a great book story
you know what won't? a shitty 9-5 office job
--- 21919847
>>21919774
Can I kiss her?
--- 21919851
Eugenics starts at home. I have made the decision to never reproduce. For the good of humanity my decrepit genome must not continue. Coincidentally every woman I have ever met has come to a similar conclusion about me, but that is beside the point and has no baring on my own choice. I would never curse someone with being half me.
--- 21919870
>>21919851
You know you could come to that same conclusion without having to beat yourself up. No man I know wants to marry a run-through woman and almost all women are so run through that most men, regardless of their genetics and economic standards, are just refusing to marry and have kids. Modern feminism convinced women that the only difference between them and men is that they have a vagina. Women believed them and gave their virginity away lightly and spat on their own value. Now they are hitting their 30s confused that men are using them as the walking vaginas they convinced themselves that they are but are shocked to here that men will settle down with virgins or women who have very few sexual partners. This isn't just a you problem, this is a western problem and one that is slowly growing more and more as more men hit the age of 30 still virgins and refuse to even date women.
I honestly feel bad for the women, they sold their virginity and their humanity hoping to exchange it for freedom, finding that it wasn't just freedom they bought but also isolation and preclusion from kids and marriage and a lot of them are not taking it well if you follow social media and articles on the subject.
--- 21919885
>>21919790
Experiences are nothing with ability to bring it alive on the paper. Didnt Proust wrote 50 pages about just around the room in his In Search of Lost Time.
--- 21919894
>>21919774
Been there. 

Is there a possibility that your inability to love or find attraction in her is actually rooted in your own insecurity? You can't fathom why or how someone else could love you, what they could possibly see in you, so her professions of love in fact turn you off from her. Possibly even you found her attractive to begin with, but as soon as she started professing her love for you, you noticed how unattractive her features were. It's strange because nothing changed about the way she looked, but now it's like two different people.
--- 21920069
Why do people always say nothing has changed and times have always been this bad? Is it just gaslighting?
--- 21920088
>>21920069
More freedom = better
--- 21920116
>>21920069
because no matter under what flavor of a system we are the rulers are going to be corrupted by power, the elite are going to be greedy opportunists vying for power and control, the people will be oblivious and borderline retarded and anyone stupid enough to try to change anything will be crucified by the same people he is trying to save either before he can even make any change or after the old powers have been overthrown
>patriotism
read up about what american government and its glow organizations have done to their own soldiers and citizens
>religion
just look at history of religions and how shit they are right now
>having children
people used to be more retarded and didn't care about making kids in a world where a neighboring lord could just ride up, rape your kids, burn your house and hunt you down for sport so the peasants he had conscripted would have some combat experience
>community involvement
blame cities, back in the day community was literally bunch of illiterate / barely literate peasants getting shitfaced on beer and wine because fermentation made those liquids more sanitary than whatever passed as drinkable water in the days of old when peoples limited sewage systems went directly to the local water supply
>money
greed is greed, doesn't matter what time you live in

you can change the system, you can change the rulers, you can change anything you want but you can't change people, any system with humans in it will eventually become a corrupt shithole with nepotism and cronyism running rampant until another group who has their shit together overthrows them and the cycle begins anew
--- 21920146
for any advancement or QoL improvement we've made we've just found a way to make it dystopian, internet that was made to connect people is used to shitpost and to spy on citizens, producing massive excess of food and goods have only made few elite filthy rich and lowered the quality of food we eat because of preservatives and "meat like ingredients" etc
things are not getting better, they're getting more efficient at being the same shit it's always been
--- 21920228
>>21919662
It seems they use アルラウネ for mandrake yes. Japs use some German words for stuff, the most popular is probably arubaito for half time work.
--- 21920235
>>21920228
I meant part-time
--- 21920245
You ever regret your life choices?
--- 21920256
>>21920116
i would've never imagined when i was a kid reading about how societies collapse that it would be possible to live in a society that's undergoing the exact same process with the exact same symptoms and yet for everyone to turn a collective blind eye and life in self-delusion about how things are actually better now than ever
--- 21920271
>>21916375 (OP)
Oh, to be young! To be in love! I need to masturbate
--- 21920276
>>21920088
This is just a puerile mindset. People want to be happy. More happiness = better.
--- 21920284
>>21920116
>because no matter under what flavor of a system we are the rulers are going to be corrupted by power,
>Bro the world is always the same, ignore statistics, ignore your experience, ignore everything and pretend it's just inherent to life
How about fuck off
--- 21920311
>>21920245
Every single important my life choice is a regret. Im dead serious.
--- 21920376
>>21920245
>You ever regret your life choices?
Read Kikkegard, regardless of what you pick you will regret it. Now, instead of despairing at it, this should be freeing. Regardless of what you do, you will regret it, the result will be the same. That miserable stability, once properly rationalized, will give you foundational security and from that paradox of the truth of life you can begin to hope. The world is comedically cruel and absurd in that way.
--- 21920386
>>21920376
>Kikkegard
Kierkegaard, sorry I always fuck up his name.
--- 21920396
>>21920376
I think it’s rich coming from a guy who clearly found his vocation relatively early on in life.
--- 21920398
>>21920256
>things are actually better now than ever
for whomst?
>>21920284
>make a system where everyone is drip fed opiates and kept in a chemically induced coma
>"bro just look at how happy they look??"
you're mentally retarded, for every issue they fixed they made new ones that are worse, only ones whose lives have significantly improved are the gated community wealthy, what does it matter if we have medicine to cure a bunch of shit if people can't afford them, what does it matter if we pump out excess of food that would make the biggest glutton blush if people can only afford mac and cheese, what does it matter if we have build architectural marvels that touch the skies if our people live under a bridge?
you're blind or naive
--- 21920401
>>21920376
but you can always do more or less regretful choices.
--- 21920406
>>21920311
Brutal. How old are you? If you’re under 30 there’s still time. If you’re over 30, I don’t know.
--- 21920418
>>21920406
I'm right in the middle - 30. Yeah, it's brutal and the consequences finally reached me with full force.
--- 21920423
>>21919870
Is this really your experience? All the 30+ year old women I know are super happy.
--- 21920431
>>21920418
I’m 30 too so I know what you mean. My current sense is that 30 is definitely not too late to really hit it hard. It’s not. But I do worry about potential without the right call back.
--- 21920436
>>21920431
>I do worry about potential without the right call back.
Like picking a wrong job and regretting it later?
I did a mortal sin when it comes to career and screwed myself over.
--- 21920454
>>21920436
Yeah, sort of. What I mean is something like this: Julius Caesar didn’t make a serious attempt in politics until he was in his early 30s, but before that he had been a military officer and already lived an adventurer’s life shacking up with royalty, being kidnapped by pirates, crucifying said pirates, going to school in Greece, and so on. Dante didn’t even write serious poetry until his early 30s, but he did casually write poetry since he was a teenager. But would Caesar have been successful in politics if he hadn’t been a soldier, scholar, and sort of adventurer? Would Dante have been a great poet if he hadn’t been writing poetry casually for over a decade? I don’t know. 

You can talk about your mortal sin and the specifics of the career if you like and I’ll give you my thoughts on it. This place is anonymous, after all.
--- 21920472
>>21919352
He is risen indeed!
--- 21920480
You should be very wary of dreams.
Modern science will tell you that dream interpretation is pseudoscience, but that's not entirely true. In your dreams, you can be exposed to very powerful urges and drives without the protection your waking state of mind. What you do in dreams may affect you more powerfully than what you do when waking, on a deep level.
--- 21920485
>>21920396
I'm unemployed, unless you are referring to yourself or Kierkegaard, if so good job!
>>21920396
Yup, I can't really speak about your 30+ year old women, they do tend to put on a brave face but for argument's sake I'll believe you. Most of the dudes I know who won't or don't date are pretty happy too, I myself have no interest in women or marriage.
--- 21920490
>>21920480
Science can only expose materialistic truths, you can apply scientific principles to things you cannot observe or measure. The quicker people learn the difference between Personal truth and Scientific truth, the better.
--- 21920501
>>21920454
I know exactly the place you're coming from. I used to read biographies about famous persons and writers. They werent like from famous writer families but they had in common that they started rather young in the path of the fame whenever it's writing poetry to the local paper in highschool or being friends with other famous writers in uni. 
>specifics
Not transfering to a better school
Picking wrong advanced/regular classes 
Picking wrong bachelor (15 minutes till deadline)
Not quitting that bachelor
Not doing any interships or making connections (probably due to untreated depression to this day) 
Failing to write bachelor thesis on time 
Returning and finishing degree
Moving back to parents place and isolating myself for 5 years
Not having any relevant experience and having no chance at getting hired into a job which I'd like to try
--- 21920504
>>21920485
I was talking about Kierkegaard.
--- 21920521
>>21920069
Post the original picture
--- 21920524
>>21920504
No idea, I know he had a very tragic life where a lot of his family members died both when he was growing up and in his adult life. It caused him to write at a breakneck pace because he was afraid he would keel over and die. I found him wise, but discount him at your own risk if you wish. I'm just trying to help.
--- 21920531
>>21920521
Makes sense that "intolerance" is on the rise, both because people feel more alienated from general society on both sides than ever before as well as the expansion of what intolerance means as people ironically get more intolerant of each other's differences regardless of how small they are.
--- 21920541
>>21920531
That's not what's happening. People are intolerant of blacks and jews because they're destroying our countries.
--- 21920546
>>21920501
But this is such a common experience now. I think if we look around at this moment and are objective about it, we see clearly that this is the single most confusing time to be a young person, maybe ever. Teenagers receive a terrible education and are left to waste all of their free time on porn and video games. Then very often their parents kick them out at 18 or they’re sent off to college where it’s really just more of the same and the college sees them more as an income scheme than as a customer let alone a student. Did you know colleges now consider 6 years to a bachelor’s degree a “success?” And then you become an adult and you’re handed this tray of utterly meaningless make-work jobs or else you can join the military and like sweep the motor pool or fight a pointless war in an Arab country Al the while the culture is hostile to religion, to art, to poetry, to basically everything and you’re encouraged to waste your time on social media. Nobody really cares what you do, not even your parents and you’re not encouraged to investigate things like reading, let alone writing poetry. It’s a pessimistic view but I say all this to say that I think we have to forgive ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves for being aimless in what is the most aimless time to be alive ever and maybe even consider it a blessing that we are able to understand ourselves by 30 because so many will not understand themselves ever. So many are so far worse off. And is 30 not better than 35 or 40 or 45? I would also add that Christ was in his 30s before he started his ministry. Before that, he was basically a professional’s apprentice. 

So what are your ambitions? Do you want to write? You can write now. You might not ever be Dante, but you can write now. Do you want to enter politics? You might never be Caesar but you can enter politics? Do you just want a good career, some money, a family, some success and a life you can feel proud of? Well, all of that is still available to you. So I really don’t think you should regret quite as much as you say you do. I realize it can feel like you spend 5 or 10 years in a dark box and you got duller, sharper, wasted your time in there, but viewed in a different light that box just as well could have been a crucible, and you can come out of it stronger, harder, more tempered, and with clearer purpose. I also have many regrets and I complain about them, often lately. But at the end of the day, we have no choice but to move forward or to give up and die and I don’t want to give up and die.
--- 21920549
>>21920524
I don’t discount him. I only mean that sense of urgency gave him a sort of vocation. How can you really talk about regret when you’re doing at 23 what you’re put on earth to do and you go down as one of the canonical greats?
--- 21920558
I refuse to read papers I wrote back in school because I know I'll just cringe hard but there's always the temptation. Anyways I stumbled upon one I wrote on The Catcher In The Rye and I used the word "accoutrements" in it. Had to look up the meaning. I highly doubt that was a pseud or thesaurus moment, I probably just pulled it from an article I had to read on the book. Either way I didn't cringe, but I didn't read beyond the sentence which used that word (it was the first paragraph).
--- 21920560
>>21920549
Hard living, not by choice either, just dealt a shitty hand. I won't claim to know every aspect of his life, but he probably regrets both things that he has done but also things that have happened to him that he didn't have control of. Hell he probably regrets living, either way it propelled him to do what he did.
--- 21920608
>>21920546
I do realize that it's the most confusing period for a young males because in the past you usually follow in your fathers footsteps or die in a pointless war. It's like you have a goal in mind but your opposition is external whenever it's enemies, nature or harsh conditions. Now it's the opposite, the most comfortable conditions yet you are your own enemy. 

I've honestly never had any ambitions because I've thought that following what other people (whenever it's parents, siblings, friends or authority figures) is the right thing because they can succeed in this reality when I clearly dont. Writing is the whole another subject because the first thought whenever it comes to writing or any creative subject is that I have no ideas. No knowing what to write and how to write. I do get envy of those people who can throw away anything in their life to achieve mastery in that one area but you have to hear the voice of daemon to truly be capable to achieve such sacrifice. I live among other rather successful (in my eyes) and I just to cry with anger on why I'm not able to have such a clear understanding about life. I used (still do) argue with my mom about how weirdly twisted trees live the longest but they're essentially useless.
--- 21920610
>>21920560
If you find your vocation in life and you find it early, how much can you really regret? In the end, that’s sort of the only thing that matters, especially if you’re a Christian.
--- 21920620
>>21920608
I don’t think you need ideas to write. I think if you’re sincere and committed and thoughtful, then ideas will come when they need to come. 

But that’s only applicable advice if writing is something you think you might want to do. 

I do know what you mean about the daemon though? Do you have any daemon? Surely, there is something that you at least suspect might be worthwhile.
--- 21920623
>>21920610
Separate a Woodcarver from his tribe and tell him to carve wood alone, he will ditch his trade to try to go back home. I appreciate what your saying and it does ring true, but not for everyone. Sometimes you can have the perfect job but when someone dies or leaves your life there are people who find continuing to do their job pointless.
--- 21920627
>>21920620
>only applicable advice if writing is something you think you might want to do.
I'd like to do something creative with my life but I dont really know if it's writing. I used to think about psychology but how could I help others if I cannot help myself at all?
Daemon is just a fancy word for a muse or an inspiration. 
Are you considering writing as a career path?
--- 21920644
>>21920623
But he wasn’t one of those people…
--- 21920673
>>21920627
It is. I mean, I already do some writing but I’ve finished very little and published nothing. My hope is to have something published by the end of 2023. But writing is only one of the things that I’m interested in. I sense that we’re a bit similar in that we both have interests and both have a sense of how we want to live but we’re deeply insecure because we failed to make much progress to that point. All of my interests are like that. I think that’s why we can talk like this. There’s definitely a wondering like “if I were possessed by the daemon, wouldn’t that have been clear by now?” But what else are we to do but go ahead anyway? what is it about creating you find appealing?
--- 21920678
>>21920644
I'm talking about humanity in general. Some people work because they believe its their purpose other people work because they want to help the people around them. Different motivations that yield the same goal.
--- 21920685
>>21920673
You're way ahead of me regarding interests. My writing "path" is just reading books. 
>what is it about creating you find appealing?
I think the most appealing aspect is just following your heart and adding personal touch, like it's been born from your sweat, alcohol, tears and blood. It might be the best work of the century or forgotten notes but it is yours, forever and ever.
--- 21920692
>>21920678
I do think you’re missing my point though. If you ended up doing what you were always supposed to be doing and you ended up doing it early and often, there’s nothing to great. Life is basically a process and if you’ve lived that process correctly from the beginning, there’s no such thing as regret really. So to talk about regret doesn’t make any sense. That some people would abandon their vocation when things get hard for them is really besides the point. They could always come back to it later anyway. But if you never had it in the first place, regret is all there is. That time is literally wasted, which is something you can’t say about a guy meant to be a philosopher who was writing philosophy early and often and never stopped.
--- 21920711
>>21920685
I really don’t think I am that far ahead of you. I didn’t read widely or deeply until I was 25 at least and like I said, I’ve finished very little and published nothing. It’s been reading almost exclusively. So I don’t think it’s accurate to say I’m way ahead. 

I agree. I feel like creating is a very noble way of living. The best creators are apprehending something bigger than everything that’s merely mundane life and that’s so attractive. And you know, businesses die with businessmen, labor dies with the person, but art lives long after the artists death. It’s like throwing your mark out there on the world as a testimony that you were part of it.
--- 21920715
>>21920711
>It’s like throwing your mark out there on the world as a testimony that you were part of it.
Exactly. You never know whenever you might end up as a Van Gogh. 
What other paths are you considering besides writing?
--- 21920809
Sometimes I wish I was born rich in a time when the internet didn't exist so it would have been easier to go about life believing all the bullshit that's in the bible
--- 21920835
I used to want to write but now I realize people always mistook my standoffishness for cleverness because it was an easier way to square how hideous I was. I have absolutely nothing to do in this life. I can't even feel, let alone maintain, some autistic obsession with programming or trains or something. I don't want to blame society either, because that would just be a refusal to acknowledge the failure as my own. I wish it would end quickly but it will probably end slowly and agonizingly. Better I close myself off to everyone and act as if I were dead already.
--- 21920864
>>21920715
It’s funny you ask because it’s relevant. I’m a pretty talented illustrator and painter. I’ve been drawing since I’m a kid, did that religiously until I was about 21, stopped for a while, picked it up again for a while, stopped for a while, picked it up again for a while. Rinse repeat. I’ve tried everything from drawing comics to gallery art, but the thing is, I never really loved the process as an adult anymore and I never aspired to get in galleries or anything. It’s something I do only rarely now and don’t have much ambition with, but if I couldn’t write I would probably do that. I do have one or two other interests, but I’d rather not talk about those. I’ll summarize by saying it’s a similar situation to writing. I picked them up late, haven’t done much. 

I think that as far as art goes, obviously digital media like film and video games are having their moments. But as far as fine art goes, I think sculpture and architecture will be important in the future, but the distant future.
--- 21920870
Mass was cancelled today due to a nearby bomb threat, which has now been resolved. I am missing that restorative experience today especially because since Easter Sunday I have been unable to shake a bitter despondency that has caused me to neglect food and sleep among other responsibilities. I have not been able to identify any particular cause of this feeling. I am also feeling somewhat ashamed because this despondency is obviously incongruous with the Easter season and its significance. I am meeting with my priest on Tuesday, but I am not yet sure what I will talk to him about. Those of you who pray, please pray for me.
>>21920847
It sounds like your parents mean well but don't understand the difficulties you're facing. I will pray for you and them.
--- 21920872
>>21920835
This post is a bit confusing, anon. Are you saying you realised you werent that smart, that you didnt have anything good to write the world about, and because of that you feel you wont accomplish much? Hence why you want to close yourself to the world? Why do you feel that way from that
--- 21920873
Religion is artistic in nature. It illustrates human life in relation to common experience and ultimate truth, themes too broad and complex to be precisely articulated. There is truth to religion like there is truth to music. The Holy Spirit is felt like a rhythm to a dancer. 
Atheists and Bible literalists make the same mistake. They treat the Bible as a scientific theory which is either true or false. True religion is to abandon reason and experience the love and beauty of Creation, and to weave harmony through life like a composer arranging the singing strings of a symphony.
--- 21920874
>>21920864
Oh nice, so you DO have a relevant experience regarding creativity. Man, I'm envious. It wouldnt fair to call that you're starting from an absolute zero.
--- 21920879
religion at its core is philosophy for the masses
morality
law
hierarchy
alleviation to fear of death
cause and effect
meaning of life (which creationism is the root of because it is the one who made up the question and the answer to it)
later on it warped into tool of control and profiteering
--- 21920880
>>21920847
Anglicans do fasting every Friday? I'm doubtful. What does fasting consists of?
--- 21920883
>>21920879
Seeing religion as the philosophy for the masses is the philosophy for midwits.
--- 21920886
>>21920835
>I used to want to write but now I realize people always mistook my standoffishness for cleverness because it was an easier way to square how hideous I was.
Generally that is why the Greeks and Romans told you to listen twice as much as you talk/talk only when necessary.
> have absolutely nothing to do in this life. I can't even feel, let alone maintain, some autistic obsession with programming or trains or something.
Time to do some personal journaling/writing to sort yourself out.
>I don't want to blame society either, because that would just be a refusal to acknowledge the failure as my own.
Very good, you already took the first step towards figuring your shit out. On top that I really do like the humility, humbleness, and ability to admit that you had your hand in part of this. That's a rare trait to have these days.
>I wish it would end quickly but it will probably end slowly and agonizingly.
As all things good are, as all things bad will be. But, my physiology professor had this really interesting and funny idea that because pain always lasts long than pleasure both sensory and neurochemically, the best way to break free of that is to become a machoist, the transection of pain into pleasure is a great way to "cheat life". To prevent me from rambling, but he also noted that if you successfully do that you desensitize to dopamine so much that it ends up stripping you of all pleasure. But don't give up, become the warrior poet you always wanted to be!
>Better I close myself off to everyone and act as if I were dead already.
I highly recommend looking up famous hermits both religious and occult and read their works on being alone and loneliness, its a good path to tread if you tread it correctly.
--- 21920888
>>21920873
>True religion is to abandon reason
That's heresy actually. You're a nihilist.
--- 21920893
>>21920874
I really don’t though. I never pursued it seriously, never pursued formal study. I think I made less than five serious paintings and less than five serious drawings, which I haven’t done since I was 21 almost 9 years ago. So maybe not absolute zero but you know a lot kids draw stuff and they’re not exactly artists. And it’s like I said, this isn’t something I have much ambition for. It’s more like something I wouldn’t hate doing for a living, if you know what I mean.
--- 21920903
>>21919361
Love it.
>>21919367
So rich. Love him.
Speaking of dreams: i am a gay bottom but every time i have an erotic dream I am a top ravishing the hottest of men. In fact, why the fuck am i a bottom when im such an authoritarian and conceited person. Its like im afraid of leading, of dominating, but my subconscious craves these things
--- 21920908
This Sunday is fucking me over in weird ways.
--- 21920909
>>21920870
I meant that for /fast/ on /fit/, but I appreciate the response and the prayers.
>>21920880
>Anglicans do fasting every Friday?
https://www.christthekingatl.com/fasting
Anglicanism is a lot like a mix between Buddhism and Catholicism in attitude. Your relationship between God and you is personal, and how you worship him is up to you. There are some central rites, mainly Catholic ones, that are mandatory: Baptism, Eucharist, Christmas mass. But they let you figure out the rest: this makes Anglicanism very messy but also very interesting with its internal politics. You have the High and Low church divisions which then divide into literally thousands of different ideological houses. A lot of Catholics fucking hate it because its "disorganized", but I like it because like Buddhism there is a somewhat chill "Do as you may." attitude that I think that Jesus would have.
--- 21920910
>>21920903
unconsciousness usually has the opposite cognitive function than the consciousness
--- 21920911
>>21920872
Because, really, what else is there to do in this age? I have nothing to give my life to, quickly or slowly. I'm clever for a dull person and can make a little money, and I know equally that I'll never be happy that way.
--- 21920912
>>21920888
It's not heresy. Abandoning the cares of the world is a common theme in Christian mysticism
--- 21920914
>nothing
Something you can think of and which is intelligible
>nothing-er nothing
The absence of anything
>even nothing-er nothing
Something (using the word just to denote what I'm talking about) that is unintelligible and impossible to even think about
--- 21920916
>>21920910
What do you mean anon?
--- 21920924
>>21920909
Catholic here, we just think it's funny your religion is based on one dude wanting to fuck and kill women. As a general practice, Anglicans are like softer Catholics, because, well, it's a bit hard to be overly moral when your religion is based on whether fucking your brother's widow counts as incest.
--- 21920931
>>21920911
Well, but why close yourself to others? You could make more friends
--- 21920941
>>21920931
Because I believe in little outside myself, because I've seen evidence of little good, and because these same qualities I find so hideous in myself I see in others too to various degrees. There just isn't much to do, as I view it.
--- 21920942
>>21920883
>i am afraid of dying
>"fear not child, if you follow the will of god you will have life of eternal joy by his side in heaven!"
>i want to do whatever i want
>"these are the laws he has given you, you must follow them or you will not receive life eternal in heaven"
religion is a tool of control taught onto the people in exchange for alleviating their fear of death, most people do not want to think of death, for christians of olden times it was recommended to remember the fact that one day all of us die, convenient that they would also offer a solution to that with heaven and afterlife
religion at its core is there to give people a feeling of meaning and a comfort to their fear of death, if you give people those they will climb any mountain for you and live in disgusting conditions with a solemn smile on their face thinking they're earning their way to heaven
it's a pathetic cope for frightened people
--- 21920943
>>21920893
Oh I see. That makes sense, thanks for clarification.
--- 21920957
>>21920911
I think the progressive age had the result of cramming everyone into formal institutionalized education and shuffling them off to a profession. The whole world has been hammered into a very particular type of middle class person, and a lot of people have found this disenchanting. So the goal then is when you find this sort of lifestyle empty and pointless to figure out what does seem worthwhile and pursue that vigorously. I’ve been talking with another anon in this thread about how we have to forgive ourselves for being put on the treadmill and falling off when we didn’t like, without necessarily knowing what direction to move in. And then we have an obligation to pass our knowledge on to the young people after us. Teach them what we wish we someone had taught us.
--- 21920966
>>21920924
>Catholic here, we just think it's funny your religion is based on one dude wanting to fuck and kill women.
Literally will 100% agree with you on that, but the sins of the Father do not pass to the Son. I think its an unfair judgement on us as an institution or a whole. But outside of that a lot of Catholic criticism is exactly what your second half is like. Its always "muh Protestants" or "muh split church" arguments, yet they still to this day can't really find good scriptural foundations that support having a Pope. I'm sorry to say it Catholic bro, I respect the age, the traditions, and the institution of the Catholic religion but I think that Catholicism as leaned a bit too hard into their traditions than into the Bible. I'm sure you've heard the same arguments from the Orthodox but in the end we are all part of Christendom and all in Communion together. I'd rather dab on non-trinitarian Christians than ones I'm in communion with. Happy Easter Romebro!
--- 21920971
>>21920916
According to C.G.Jung humans consciousness has 4 types of cognition (thinking, feeling, sensing and intuition) and subconsciousness takes the opposite in a pair of thinking-feeling, sensing-intuition.
--- 21920972
>>21920943
Yeah. I could kick myself for not just saying “fuck it” and enrolling in art school when I was younger though. I still think about it, but at 30 my attitude to school is different now. 

What do you think you’re going to do? What do you want to do? I know you want to be creative but is there anything you really really want to do?

By the way, I read Michel Houllebecq’s essay To Stay Alive: A Method. He published his first stuff at 29, nearly 30 but he’s highly relevant to what we’re talking about and that essay is somewhat relevant, I think.
--- 21920976
>>21920912
That has nothing to do with abandoning reason. You're dishonest too.
--- 21920983
>>21920957
I'm a young math teacher, and a fairly high-performing one
It hasn't been young and I'm not even in my late twenties yet, but I thought I would move on from this ages ago to something more fulfilling, or even just less pointlessly punishing.
But I don't think there's better. I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing.
--- 21920985
>>21920909
>I like it because like Buddhism
Yeah we get it you like Buddhism, not Christianity.
>"Do as you may." attitude that I think that Jesus would have.
Read the bible one day.
--- 21920988
>>21920976
That's just, like, your opinion man
--- 21920989
>>21920983
>young
*it hasn't been long. Guess that's why I'm in the subject I'm in.
--- 21920996
>>21920983
Find something better and move on now. Ron DeSantis was a high school teacher and he might be to the next President ffs. Your life isn’t over and when you’re 30 you’re going regret having treated it like it was. You can start basically anything in your 20s and become great at it, like greatest of all time great, if you put in the work and have a little luck and providence.
--- 21920998
>>21920942
>lowercase low iq block of text about muh religious propaganda
Classic tranny
--- 21921008
>>21920976
He is right in a wrong way. Adam weren't suppose to eat the apple but he did. And with that we "stole" divine reason from God. We understood what was right and what was wrong, what is worse is that Adam then cursed Eve to eat it too just because it tasted good. So he is right that a return to a pre-rational humanity would be in-line with how God original made us. But because that knowledge is divine and it now rests inside of us, it paradoxically removes us from the divine if we remove it. What I think (imo) what you guys are missing is that your standing on the opposite sides of a paradox not realizing its a paradox. I think realized this paradox within us and got angry, not only because we disobeyed and stole from him. But we both defiled and sanctified ourselves at the same time dirtying holiness with sin, and cleaning sin with holiness.
--- 21921009
>>21920873
The real tragedy of modernity ushered in by the liberal enlightenment is that we replaced priests, monks, prophets, warriors, poets, and artists with lawyers, scientists, and engineers. And we wonder why everything is so sterile and miserable.
--- 21921012
>>21920998
>ad hominem as a response to criticism about indoctrination
double digits IQ should stay off the internet, you might learn some things that are not in complete alignment with your world view that will cause you to knee jerk some stupid shit onto the screen that reveals that you're still a little child holding onto your safety blanket thinking it will save you from the boogieman of death
here's a hot take, you will never know that you are death when you die so there is no point fearing it
--- 21921014
>>21920972
>What do you think you’re going to do? What do you want to do? I know you want to be creative but is there anything you really really want to do?
I wish I'd fucking now. My life is in complete shambles like I'm only a step away from being homeless. I think that writing is the only rational choice for me as anything else like art or music requires attending school for years just to get a basic grasp. Even then the question of having ideas never goes away. I think I'll stick to reading books and writing my journal. I dont even know what my heart says. 
>Michel Houllebecq’s essay To Stay Alive: A Method
I remember reading it ages ago but I'll take this as a sign to re-read it again.
--- 21921028
>>21921009
And we replaced courtesans with cam whores. Truly a dark age.
--- 21921030
>>21920985
>Yeah we get it you like Buddhism, not Christianity.
>Not allowed to acknowledge the good in other religions.
Very dogmatic and not very Christian or Jesus-like of you, I'll pray for you.
>Read the Bible one day
Maybe if you did you would understand that part of being a Christian is removing malcontent from your soul. Jesus was accepting of everyone, "Come as you are." is both an invitation and challenge. You can strive everyday to be like Jesus, or you can be like yourself and do the bare minimum, you are both allowed to come.
Also I love this stat, Episcopalians =/= Anglicanism, there are at least 4 or 5 different Episcopalian churches in America, some in Communion with the Anglican church and others not. Hence why I said Anglican, not Episcopalian. Nice try though.
--- 21921032
>>21921008
>So he is right that a return to a pre-rational humanity would be in-line with how God original made us.
Another heresy. You people have nothing do with Christianity, stop pretending otherwise and stick to your Buddhism/primitivism/anarchism and whatever other toy ideologies you have.
--- 21921037
>>21921032
>dogmatic
going to hell... You worship tradition more than the bible.
--- 21921041
>>21921012
>another tranny block of text
Dilate and grow up, no one cares your mother forced you to go chuch today
--- 21921043
>>21921032
>Thinking he understands God
>Thinking his opinions are more valid than those of others
--- 21921046
>>21921030
Your church is demonic and loves sin, you think Christianity is a 60s hippie movement and you're wrong. There's a price to pay for misleading people spiritually.
--- 21921051
>>21921046
>lying after corrected
tsk tsk, fake Christian. I will forgive you and I pray for you, Happy Easter and God bless!
--- 21921054
>>21921043
>radical relativism
You're not a Christian bro, just pick another trend to cosplay as.
--- 21921057
>>21921054
>Casting stones
>Casting dispersion
>Doesn't seem to realize that he, too, is a sinner
--- 21921066
>>21921051
>>21921057
You got ousted Satan
--- 21921071
It's a /lit/ tradition to larp as Christians on the Lord's Day. God bless you all!
--- 21921074
>>21921046
Yeah, it was a controversial move with the African Churches in Anglicanism, it might cause a schism, but all the Anglicans have been doing is an eternal schism. I agree with you that the Anglican church should have never allowed that to happen but they did. What kind of Christian are you? Regardless, no matter the sect they all have skeletons in their closet.
>You think Christianity is a 60s hippie movement and you're wrong
You're wrong because I never thought that, if you are going to level accusations at least make them accurate, or do I need to remind you about what Jesus said about false or misleading accusations? Very unchristian, which is funny because I'm suppose to be demonic yet here you are doing everything that a good Christian shouldn't be doing. I forgive you, my child. :3
>There's a price to pay for misleading people spiritually.
I never lead anyone anywhere, but I agree.
--- 21921080
>>21921071
Happy Easter to you too!!!
--- 21921084
>>21921041
the moment you stop fearing death is the moment you lose your religion
--- 21921087
>>21921074
>I forgive you, my child. :3
You're not a Christian. You're a dishonest snake being passive aggressive. I'm honest and I tell you what I think. Your Church is demonic. Most ordination this year have been female, you accept LGBT+ and encourage sins. Your denomination is contemptible. You're the same as the "spiritual but not religious" heathens who simply enjoy a sinful life but use religion to feel good about themselves. You're all mistaken if you think there's no price to pay for misleading others with your deceitful talk and actions.
--- 21921092
>>21921080
He is risen
--- 21921096
>>21921066
Yup, I didn't agree with that either, its why I left the church but I still carry the traditions and prayers by myself with the Bible and Book of Common Prayer. I'm finding that I'm liking the Christian Mysticism route. But all institutions, including all religious institutions, are marred with the same original sin that we are. I'd advise you to remember that you should not judge as you too will be judged. It is a shame though, also again false accusations of "Satan" as well as persecution of a whole group is not very Christian either.
--- 21921104
Next
>>21921102 →
>>21921102 →
>>21921102 →
--- 21921105
>>21921087
>You're not a Christian
False Accusation, repent.
>You're a dishonest snake being passive aggressive.
False Accusation, repent
>I'm honest and I tell you what I think
False Accusations = lair, and then you lie to me more, repent.
To add to that you harbor ill will, repent.
I could go on but so many sins in so many times, I'll pray for you, its obvious you need me to pray right now for you so I will go do that. Happy Easter!
--- 21921109
>>21921096
>i have no church but i'm a christian!
>>21921105
>stop calling me out!!!! 
Embarrassing
--- 21921122
>>21921014
I really don’t think you need to attend school for art or music, but it’s a lot more beneficial than it is for writing, so I agree. What all art actually takes is consistent and committed effort and a willingness to put yourself out there. That’s what I regret the most personally. Like, I generally had a sense I wanted to write when I was maybe 27 but instead of buckling down and going hard I just read and read and read and figured I could write later. No point in getting hung up on it now though. If you want to write, what you’ve got to do is write. Just start. Block off some time and either get some prompts or copy some stuff you like, or try writing non-fiction or short poems or something. You have nothing to lose from trying.
--- 21921136
>>21921109
>You need a church!
Very unscriptural, I guess all the early Christians weren't Christians to you either? Nor were the apostles? Like I said, you worship tradition more than God.
>thinks any of this is a call out.
Cringe, dogmatism truly does make people evil. Good luck being a Pharisee though and I forgive you!
--- 21921146
>>21921136
>I guess all the early Christians weren't Christians to you either? Nor were the apostles?
They literally founded the Church. Anyway, as I said, you're dishonest and cowardly. First find the courage to be truthtful to yourself, look inside you with honesty, and then pray to God with sincerity if you really want to find the Way. You're not on the right path. You're very arrogant and scared of yourself. You need to know yourself and be honest. You're not following Christ, you're just following yourself. There's nothing I can say more than this to help you. You need to help yourself from here and God will help you too. Good luck and Christ has risen.
--- 21921158
>>21921146
>Oh it doesn't apply to them because they founded the church.
Bad logic there, you would be a Pharisee if you were alive at that time.
--- 21921164
>>21921122
Hah, I remember liking writing shitty poems. I did write one for my crush on her birthday. Too bad I was (and still am) a naive fool for ever hoping for it work as I saw her making out with a dude at uni event.
--- 21921166
>>21921146
>insults another person
>makes assumptions about other people
>bullies them
Iunno anon, I think your the liar here...
--- 21921171
>>21921146
>There's nothing I can say more than this to help you. Good luck and Christ has risen
I don't really appreciate your post but I appreciate this part. Remember Anon, the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, I appreciate the attempted help, but none of us can escape judgement and I will be judged just as fairly as you will be. Happy Easter, Christ has risen, Brother!
--- 21921195
>>21920966
>Too hard into traditions
Yeah what was Jesus thinking with that apostolic gospel lel
--- 21921212
>>21921195
Fair point, but lets be real here. There are parts of the Catholic tradition that have very little to no biblical standings and the only argument I hear about why they continue to do it is "Because traditions are good" and "rituals are important." I agree to both of those statements, but tradition for tradition's sake and rituals for ritual's sake don't really justify why you continue to do them, the "Oh its an old tradition" is the only one that made sense to me, but its a very weak argumentation outside of culture imo.
--- 21921922
>>21921212
Sorry didn't see your response. For Catholics we think that we are living in His Real Presence so there's constantly acts of God (moral revelation, miracles) so most traditions are assumed to have arisen out of grace until you get some clarification otherwise.
There's a really high tolerance for folk religion in Catholicism because of this, because people can do things like declare a local saint or miracle or new tradition based on just feeling like God wants them to, and unless they attract too much press or go off the rails, the hierarchy doesn't see much reason to investigate to confirm or deny. Once they start investigating though it's probably going to get ruled in or out, more likely out. But we think that God grants us the gifts of the Holy Spirit like Jesus did to his apostles so we can see where It acts on the world and awaken it in others, so we can't assume that even new traditions are wrong straight off the bat. It's much easier to tell if something is heresy if it's already been ruled on, but we don't rule out everything new at the get go because the Virgin Mary might show up and whisper something important to a schoolgirl and who are we to stop her? God or Jesus or anyone could appear and say we're going back to not eating meat on Wednesday also, and if you feel it's really Them, you're kind of duty bound to follow it and bring it up a lot to all the other Catholics.