Conversation Tactic Trees
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Synthetic conversation trees showing how conversations can diverge based on different conversational tactics
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"I would look at getting engaged with a support network of individuals who may also have autistic children. They will understand some of the things that you are experiencing at home and you may also find someone who feels that same way as you. If you have not sought professional counseling for the abusive relationship I would seek out a therapist who can help you process through it so you do not repeat similar choices in your next relationship.",
"Unfortunately I think most of us have heard this, so you are not alone. If you are still under her roof she has leverage as to what her expectations are while you are living there. I would consider therapy for the both of you to see if there could be a middle ground that could be agreed upon. Often times a 3rd party can help with conflict. If there is no resolution then I would look to get creative in finding a place of your own.",
"Blaming others is one of our greatest coping mechanisms. It is not just for addiction, and often we blame the ones closest to us. You can not stop them from blaming you, you can stop yourself for taking on the burden. We are all in charge of the choices we make. No one makes us do something other than our self. We choose how we internalize and react to situations. I would find a good therapist who understands family dynamics and addiction to help you cope with your current environment and help you move forward.",
"First I am so sorry for your loss. Most people go through the grieving process. I would get a better understanding of what that process is. Everyone has their own way of handling loss. You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it. I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.",
"It can be very frustrating being lied to. The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction \"in the past.\" Addiction is not something that comes and goes. Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay. You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again. Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away. If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere. You can think about it in other terms. If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it. Remember there are no temporary addicts.",
"It can be challenging to quite anything once we set our mind to it. We often crave the things more that we know we can not or should not have. With that being said I would encourage you to become aware of the chemical dependency part that cigarettes have on your brain and your body. Then make yourself aware of the mental part the habit part. Often times people will engage in smoking again just from the mere social aspect of it. Make yourself aware of these and devise a plan of the things you will do instead of going out on smoke breaks, or the ritual of smoking in the car on on the back porch. There are plenty of support groups out there to help with this as well. Smoking cessation is a good resource.",
"Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not. I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with. Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time.",
"I would suggest having a conversation with your dad and then having a conversation as a family with your stepmom. Usually there are other signs of use that can often be missed. Be aware of behavior changes and mood swings. Be supportive and ready to listen often times individuals suffering from addiction will deny use until they are ready for help.",
"Wikipedia states, Alcoholism In a medical context, alcoholism is said to exist when two or more of the following conditions is present: a person drinks large amounts over a long time period, has difficulty cutting down, acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time, alcohol is strongly desired, usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities, usage results in social problems, usage results in health problems, usage results in risky situations, withdrawal occurs when stopping, and alcohol tolerance has occurred with use. Hope that helps.",
"Your dad needs to be aware that he has a problem and be willing to make some changes in order for him to be motivated to stop. Often times individuals will be forced to stop when they were not ready. Remember we can not ever make someone do something they do not want to do. There needs to be at least a little willingness on the other party to make some changes. I would encourage you to reach out to your family or other loved ones and have a conversation with your dad regarding your concerns.",
"Studies have proven that addiction affects the brain, there are many coping skills that addicts use to enable their addiction as well. I would recommend that you speak with someone abut your relationship and your concerns. Not only so you can have more clarity in the situation but we often tend to gravitate around or toward the same types of individuals. Being more aware of your relationship will help you in the future when re-engaging in personal relationships.",
"Your friend needs to admit they have a problem. If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more. It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested. In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them. Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways. I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation. Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her.",
"I think the best thing for you is to speak with someone on how you can best cope with the situation. It can be challenging living in a household with someone who is currently addicted. It is also important that you realize that you can only work on yourself. Other individuals need to take the same accountability. Enabling often happens in households with addiction. It can be a challenging environment to live in.",
"You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this. I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption. Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for. If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor. Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis.",
"There are plenty of online providers within the mental health field that would me more than happy to speak with you immediately. Many of them provide treatment on a sliding scale fee. I would google online mental health treatment providers and that should lead you to a list of providers that can help you.",
"I would first suggest you sitting down with him and voicing your concerns about how distant he has been, or more importantly you have felt that he is. This will give clarification to the situation as we need to remember that everyone's perception can be different. Remember that relationships take work and take communication.",
"Acknowledgment from your husband and wiling to make changes is essential first. We often try to force people to make changes hoping that they will see that we are right, even when they may not be ready. Having a willingness to work together and be supportive is fundamental in recovery. If he is not quite there yet I would snuggest individual therapy for yourself where you have an outlet and can also gain suggestions on what the next steps might be. If he is ready I would suggest you engage in therapy together and be ready to listen to him and what his needs might be.",
"I am so sorry for your loss. Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them. Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again. I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for. I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss.",
"I think it is important that you are able to convey what you are looking for in a therapist even if that changes over time. You need to look at it like you are interviewing the counselor and that they will be able to provide you with the therapy you need. To many times we do not know and it ends up not being a good fit and then people are left with a bad experience and do not want to re-engage. Remembering you are basically hiring someone to help you so I would treat it as such. Do some research and be clear as to why you are coming to therapy and ask questions as how they will be able to help you.",
"A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on. The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet."
] | 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy | 2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider |
[
"I am so impressed to hear that despite all that you have endured, you're open to and asking about therapy! That. Is. Incredible.I don't believe there is a person who has \"too many\" struggles or is \"too far gone\" for therapy. Often, our numerous struggles are like the roots that grow from a plant bulb. They're are a lot, but they all lead back to the bulb. That is, we can have many symptoms and experiences that are often rooted from a few deep, primary issues that, once addressed, can resolve more than one symptom/experience like the image below illustrates.",
"Short answer: YES.Feelings of worthlessness can have many sources. Some examples: feeling like you don't measure up; repeated experiences where you were told you were worthless; abrupt life changes; and depression. Once those thoughts start, we often latch onto them for dear life because they serve a purpose and actually help us in some way. A big key to starting the journey to self-acceptance and self-worth is to understand why you feel worthless. Where the heck did these thoughts come from? Get curious about it. Once you start to understand where these invalid thoughts are coming (I know these thoughts are invalid for a fact because I, a random therapist on the internet, cares for you and knows your worthy. So, take the jump and start exploring that intricate noggin' of yours. You've got this!",
"This is a great question! When you look forward to sessions because you feel calm, comforted, supported, and growth -- that's how you know you found the right therapist. Therapy can be uncomfortable simply because you start looking at parts of your life and yourself that you've been avoiding or hiding. BUT, a therapist shouldn't make you feel attacked, judged, dependent, or weak.A good therapist will \"train\" themselves to best suit you and your needs. I truly hope you find your match!",
"YES. Absolutely it is appropriate to cry during a therapy session (or all of them). Crying is a physical representation of acknowledging, expressing, and releasing emotion. Our bodies are very smart and often know what we need to heal. The urge to cry is our body telling us it may be time to let some stuff out."
] | Abigail EckI'm so grateful you're here. Finding a therapist is scary, so I'd like to make this comfortable for you. | abigail-eck |
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"Hi, This sounds like a very challenging and upsetting problem - good for you for reaching out! My first thought is, these two adults may have a sleep disorder that could be contributing to the urination in inappropriate places. Since they are adults, and you can't force them to seek treatment, you might be able to suggest that there could be an underlying medical issue and advise they speak with a medical provider. . As far as what to do for yourself - set some firm boundaries. Be clear about the expectations of your home. Also include the positive and negative consequences should they decide to address or avoid this issue. I hope this helps you, your family members, and the pets!",
"Hi. It can be difficult to handle such a transition on your own. I work with clients to understand their needs and wants. This can involve how to communicate effectively with friends, family, and other loved ones; or, learning how to have self-acceptance. I strongly recommend speaking with a licensed clinician one on one to help facilitate the change you are looking for."
] | ABLE Counseling Services, LLCI know and I live recovery. | able-counseling-services-llc |
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"Participating in therapy can be incredibly vulnerable at times, and can evoke lots of emotions that may or may not lead to tears. It is okay to experience these emotions in and outside of the therapy space. Therapy should be a safe place for you to be yourself, be in the moment, and give freedom toward healing and personal growth."
] | Acelli Crippen-KokCounselor for teens and adults | acelli-crippen-kok |
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"Not at all! Whatever issues you might have you can bring to the therapy room. Remember therapy is about YOU, not your therapist. You bring whatever you need to bring to the table. Keep in mind these issues are likely related. Remember you are a holistic being, more than just the sum of the parts. Just like any system, when you move something in one area, things start changing in other areas as well. Talk to your therapist to decide goals for counseling and establish priorities, and ENJOY THE RIDE! Growing, flourishing, and finally letting go of what hurts can be a beautiful and exciting process.",
"You can, for sure... and the first step is to believe you are worthy TO YOURSELF. Recognizing you are in a quest is already a big first step. Taking the time to start figuring out who you are is definitely the next... do so with SELF COMPASSION and kindness. Know this is a process and just look forward for what you might find. I do recommend you find someone to talk to (there are many options out there that can fit the situation you are in), and I also recommend you start by giving yourself the importance to invest some time and effort in this quest. YOU DESERVE IT. There are some excellent TED Talks you can google, great books you can read, or even joining a yoga practice, team or some kind of hobby may help. Anything that shows yourself you are worthy of this effort. Have patience and start!!!! the answer is out there waiting for you. Asking these questions already set you on the right path."
] | Adriana DyurichCOUNSELING, WELLNESS, AND CONSULTING for for Moms, moms to be and their children | adriana-dyurich |
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"Yes, it is normal to cry in therapy. When opening up and talking about uncomfortable feelings or experiences that a person has been holding onto, there is a lot of emotion that is being released whether during a therapy session, close friend or family member.We all have painful memories and feelings. Talking about things brings up a lot and tears sometimes will follow. If you cry during a session, it just means that you have been holding onto difficult thoughts/feelings that you finally are ready to look at and talk about.In the beginning of working with a therapist, lot of people feel uncomfortable when they cry. Often they will apologize for their tears, question why they are crying now or try to dehumanize their feelings by labeling them ( i.e. as silly, stupid, annoying). There is no need to apologize or use labels, as therapists know that with therapy comes healing. Sometimes healing needs tears.Life at times is difficult and the stories behind one's emotions can be moving for both a client and therapist. As a therapist, I sometimes find myself wiping a few tears away too. That's when you know someone is really listening to what you are sharing and understands the road you've walked.-Adrienne Licari - http://www.positivetherapyservices.com"
] | Adrienne LicariIndividual and Couples Counselor | adrienne-licari |
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"It is completely understandable that you are struggling to forgive and forget this betrayal, and I'd like to echo the sentiment of Danielle Alvarez: infidelity takes time to heal from, so allow yourself to grieve and find the support you need. I'd highly suggest going to couples therapy and addressing all the issues that Danielle raised, especially whether he has expressed genuine remorse and is being completely transparent with you and is taking responsibility for the choice he made, including acknowledging the immense impact it had on you, your relationship, and your ability to trust him. If you have doubts about being able to trust him, he needs to be willing to earn back your trust and do whatever it takes to do so. If he accepts this challenge, then that is a good sign you are on the path toward healing your relationship. Also, please don't ever forget that regardless of what led him to cheat, it was his decision to take that action rather than addressing whatever issues he was having in your relationship. Couples affected by betrayal typically have some underlying issue(s), whether it is a lack of connection or intimacy or another factor, and it is possible to heal and grow even stronger as a couple after betrayal. Because you are grieving, though, allow yourself to acknowledge and accept your feelings of hurt and pain, as they will likely come in waves, but the pain will lessen over time and with supportive therapy, along with the commitment to repair your relationship-from both you and your husband. Also, in regards to your concern about hurting your children, keep in mind that parents model healthy relationship behavior for their children. If your relationship with your husband remains disconnected, untrusting, or bitter, your children will see that and not only feel sad that their parents are both suffering, but also grow up feeling that experiencing such ongoing pain is tolerable or even normal in a relationship. Having parents who learn to handle conflict or heal deep wounds in healthy ways is crucial for children's emotional and psychological development. Whether they see you heal together as a married couple or heal separately as loving but divorced co-parents, they will learn what it is like to expect healthy communication and boundaries in relationships, which I'm sure you want for your children! Take care of yourself, and I wish you much peace and healing. Also, here is a good book I would recommend, along with books by Gottman, as Rebecca Wong suggested:Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy",
"Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer\nyour own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am\nglad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is\nno harm in it whatsoever. My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn\nabout it? There is unfortunately still a lot of negative stigma associated with\npeople who express their gender or sexuality in ways that differ from the\nmajority. (And sometimes certain sexual interests are actually very common or\neven in the majority, but because people carry shame about being different when\nit comes to gender and sexuality we assume we are all alone!)Being a sexual or gender minority or someone who\nparticipates in kink or expresses their sexuality or gender identity in a\nunique and personal way often means suffering from something called\n\"internalized oppression\". We grow up being exposed to certain\nassumptions and beliefs about what is \"acceptable\" behavior and even\nface consequences sometimes if we don't \"fit in\" the way others tell\nus to. Even if those assumptions are harmful and wrong, we still internalize\nthem and feel guilty about who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, but\nfeeling stigmatized and isolated can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment,\nor like something is \"wrong\" with us.But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, so be proud\nof who you are and what you enjoy. You can continue to simply enjoy it\nprivately, or maybe you'd eventually like to share it with a partner or maybe\neven join a community with similar interests. I'll leave you with a quote from\ncomedian Eddie Izzard, who identifies as, in his own words, a \"straight\ntransvestite\": \"They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I\nbought them!\" Take care, and thanks for your question!",
"Hi there, and thanks for your question! To answer your question, I'm going to point you to a link from Dara Hoffman-Fox's blog. Dara is a gender therapist like myself, and everything Dara says is very accurate! Ask a Gender Therapist: “I Want to Transition – Do I Have to See a Therapist?”Also, since you asked specifically about hormones, it really depends on where you live, how accessible transgender friendly medical providers/endocrinologists are in your area, and also whether you feel you would benefit from counseling-regardless of whether a counselor's letter of referral is required from your medical provider. I hope this information helps!"
] | Aimee BeardsleeLGBTQ Affirmative Therapist and Gender Specialist | aimee-beardslee |
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"Sounds like you have a high achieving daughter! That's something to be proud of! Yet, as you're aware, your daughter's efforts to maintain such a high level of achievement is causing her to experience high levels of stress. I can only imagine how this is impacting her overall wellbeing and quality of life. And I agree how this may not feel normal - because truthfully, why would anyone want to accept this as normal? It's hard to see someone you care about suffering - and it's really natural for you to worry and question her behaviors. And just like it is natural for you to care and worry about someone that matters to you, it's quite natural for your daughter to worry and stress out about something that matters to her - in this case, her schoolwork. It's important to understand more about what she is going through and providing her the space to openly talk about her issues, concerns, and stress. This open and honest conversation can lead to opportunities to support her in navigating the terrains of her challenges. Some stress is good for us - but chronic stress can be detrimental. It's vital that your daughter is developing and enhancing her survival skills with coping tools to effectively manage her stress so that she can continue achieving her target goals. And, as a parent, you are not alone. Supporting and raising a child is no easy task. There's a huge gap in our society when it comes to parenting - so please also give yourself a break and know that there is support for you as well."
] | Albert NguyenWe are all on a journey that aims at being our best selves. | albert-nguyen |
[] | Alexandr Philip | alexandr-philip |
[
"It is great that you are noticing these changes with your daughter. I can’t offer advice without knowing much more about your particular situation but some things to think about:Has something else happen recently that has been stressful, upsetting?Is your daughter trying to communicate something to you and if so what might that be?Have you discussed these recent changes with her? (Without being too serious or accusatory)There is so much changing for her (and you) now-communication and connection are crucial. I hope you both can talk to a supportive person about all these changes.",
"Self-doubt and self-hatred are such common and unpleasant experiences and really worth understanding! Therapy with the right person can really help. When in your life do you feel the most confident? What gets in the way of you accepting and loving yourself (big question!). You can and will uncover that confident self!"
] | Alexandra Geary-StockLive Confidently! | alexandra-geary-stock |
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"Hello! Emotions run high in \"crush\" situations and when emotions run high it's not uncommon for us to have emotion-based instead of fact-based thoughts. After reading your question, I wondered how you went from \"making out\" to \"nothing happened?\" I wondered if this happened because of an emotion-based thought that sounded like \"If he liked me, he would make something happen.\" A truer and more empowering thought might be \"I want something different to happen with him and I want to take a different action to see if that can happen.\" This thought focuses more on the one thing you can control: YOU. Hopefully, the thought also empowers you to think through what you can do to gauge interest/talk with him about his feelings on the matter. I hope this helps and good luck to you!"
] | Alexandra LarameeTherapy Practice for Professional Women | alexandra-laramee |
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"Fear is a part of life. In fact, our five main emotions are joy, fear, sadness, shame, and anger. We tend to spend a lot of time and energy running away from or trying to get rid of most of those emotions and the more we do that, the more we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. As a result of viewing our human emotions as \"bad\" or \"wrong,\" we often get caught up in a trap of thinking we have to overcome them or get rid of them before we can do what matters to us. In reality, you can do what is important to you while having your fears! My question for you is, what would you do if this fear was completely gone? What behaviors would you have if you were the ideal you? What skills, knowledge, or personal qualities would you develop? What kind of relationships would you have?I imagine your fear has kept you from achieving those goals because your mind tells you you can't do it until the fear is gone. I challenge you to do the following exercise:What is a goal you would like to achieve? Example: I would like to change careersWhat actions are necessary to complete this goal? Example: see a career counselor to determine my ideal career, go back to school/get a certification, network with others in my desired industryWhat thoughts, feelings, or urges might get in my way? Example: thoughts of \"What if I fail? I'm not smart enough. I can't do it. I'm too busy to put energy into this.\" Feelings of fear, shame, excitement. Urges to distract myself through drinking or watch tv instead of taking action.It would be helpful to remind myself that: example: It is natural to have these thoughts, feelings, and urges but I can take action anyway. I deserve to have a fulfilling life.The smallest and easiest step I can take now: example: research career counselors in my area and write down their phone numbersThe time, day and date that I will take that first step, is: example: Tonight at 7pm At least think through these answers but it is most beneficial to write them down. I hope this helps!",
"Hi there,I first want to let you know that having these thoughts is completely normal. Studies have been done that show that 80% of human thoughts are \"negative\" so you are not alone. I like to think of thoughts as a tornado... if you are in a tornado, you are completely consumed by it and it is nearly impossible to do anything beneficial. However, when you are, let's say, a mile away from a tornado, it is still scary but you have the option to do something that is important to you such as get shelter or make sure your family and friends are safe. When unhelpful or scary thoughts arise, we tend to start a \"war\" with them, which is the equivalent of jumping into the tornado. This makes the thoughts and emotions bigger and intensifies the feelings that go with them. So the question I imagine you have is \"how do I get out of the tornado?\" There are 3 steps to doing this:Get distance from your thoughts by adding \"I am noticing I'm having the thought that....\" to the front of them. For example, \"I am noticing I am having the thought that something bad is going to happen to me.\" The purpose of this is not to decrease your fear or get rid of the thought. These thoughts might always be there and that is okay because that is how the mind naturally works so struggling with that is a waste of time and energy. The purpose is to gain some distance from the thoughts so you don't get swept away by them. You can imagine them floating along like leaves in a stream or clouds in the sky (and often the same thought will come back again and again but that's okay... just continue to notice it with curiosity). I imagine the thoughts get in your way of doing what really matters to you so if you can get a little bit of distance, you can do things that are fulfilling and meaningful to you. Tune into your body and notice what sensations come up and where you feel them most intensely. Then breathe into them and make room for them. Our 5 main emotions are: joy, sadness, fear/anxiety, shame, and anger. ALL of these emotions are part of being human and there is no escaping them. So again, struggling with them ends up intensifying them. Instead, let them be and make a little bit of room for them. Often a side effect of this is the intensity will decrease but it might not. The purpose is to keep them from becoming more intense. Contact the present moment. Notice what is happening here and now. One way of doing this is tuning into the five senses. What are some things you hear, see, taste, smell, and feel? Another way is to notice what is happening in your body (without trying to change it). How deep are your breaths, what is happening with your heart rate, are you cold/warm, etc?Implementing these three steps can help you to refrain from getting caught up in your unhelpful thoughts. Unfortunately there is no way to get rid of thoughts or feelings completely. So the only option that works in the long run is to accept them while continuing to do what matters to you and what is fulfilling to you.I hope this helps!"
] | Alison ReppAnxiety specialist offering short-term therapy for lifelong vitality | alison-repp |
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"I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It can be really hard to deal with our family dynamics, especially when you feel this way and are being told these things. I would encourage you to keep in touch with people who support you, whether that is friends, a group or club you are involved in or even extended family (if that is an option). I would also encourage you to seek out support in a professional sense, whether an individual therapist or even in a group therapy setting.The things you are saying to yourself is negative self-talk and it is being fueled by the things others are saying to you. It can be really difficult sometimes to see the positive in ourselves, and it can definitely take some digging and searching to find it. But you have it within you somewhere and it is waiting to be let out. I hope you find therapeutic help that works for you and helps you to see how incredible you are.",
"I am truly sorry to hear about your loss, as well as your previous horrible experience with therapy.I agree with what Laura wrote about this, she makes great points. However, I also want to add a few points. It seems as though you are at a point where you want to speak to someone. Honestly, you might not find the correct therapist for you right away. It can be difficult to find someone who fits with you, who helps you feel comfortable and speaks to you completely unbiased and without judgement. That being said, those kinds of therapists do exist. Many therapists offer free consultations, perhaps not the first session like Laura, but a phone call where you can speak with them. That can give you a good idea of what they are like and if you \"fit\" with them.Alternatively, have you considered going to a group? This can take a lot of pressure off of you, because there are a lot of grief groups and many are for those who lost loved ones to drug use. These can be something you do weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly and could be a stepping stone for you to get to the point where you feel ready to see an individual therapist. It is also helpful to speak with others who have gone through a similar situation. Check out psychologytoday.com or even google \"grief groups near me\" to see what pops up. I hope this is helpful to you, again I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you the best.",
"I am so sorry to here about what you are experiencing. Your question is kind of difficult to answer, because there are a lot of things that go into what caused you to develop PTSD in the first place. You could work on developing ways to work on decreasing the negative responses you are having, such as panic attacks or anger. This could be done using coping skills, mindfulness and thought reframing. This could help you to not experience the panic attacks or anger in such intensity.You could also perhaps join an outpatient mental health group, because they help to teach basic coping skills and provide other helpful resources. If you want to go this route, look at local behavioral health hospitals or even a local hospital, NAMI.org to find more information about groups or even look on psychologytoday.com to see what you can find near you. Lastly, you could work with a therapist if these don't appeal to you. I know this isn't exactly you fixing it by yourself, but hear me out. Therapy is a lot of work, but it is also a lot of self-introspection and self-care. While you go to see someone, you also have to do a lot of work on your own. A therapist isn't going to make the changes for you, they just give you the tools and skills you need to get to where you want to go.I hope this helps you and I wish you the best.",
"This sounds like a pretty difficult dynamic and I am sorry to hear how it is impacting you.I would encourage you to try and observe the relationship from an outside perspective to begin with. Try to see what it is that causes your mom to be upset (such as you responding in a tone of voice she doesn't like) and see if there is something you could change on your end. If you are able to change something, like your tone of voice, start there. You could also try asking what you could do to help, perhaps she is frustrated that the trash wasn't taken out. You could also sit down and try to hash things out with her, if you feel like that could be beneficial.Ultimately, you are only in charge of you. The things you say, your behaviors, are all controlled by you. So it is important to recognize that no matter what, you can't control what she says or does. Obviously the things we say or do can impact others, which is why you are frustrated over her behavior. But remember that you are able to only control yourself. Seeking therapeutic intervention could also be beneficial for you, and even having her join in to help. I hope you are able to figure something out and I wish you well."
] | Allison Schickedanz, LMHCHere to help you through this journey | allison-schickedanz-lmhc |
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"Lots of people do cry in session, but your therapist won't be uneasy with this. Crying is a natural response and it also releases toxins, so some might say it's necessary! Remember that you can be in charge of what you talk about in your session and if there's something that feels too uncomfortable, just say, \"I'm not ready to talk about that.\" Your counselor wants you to feel at ease and will probably not push you right away to a very uncomfortable place. As you get to know your therapist, you will feel more relaxed and even not worry so much about how you appear to them. It's normal to be anxious going into a new situation especially when you might not feel in control of uncomfortable emotions. Don't give up, go and put your best effort in! Hope that helps, Allison",
"Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life. When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be. Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to \"move on\". Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do. Find whatever is \"good\" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things. This can be an exciting time of transformation for you. As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship. Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad. It's ok to be sad. It's even ok to feel devastated. Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong. It makes us feel insecure, unanchored. In truth, we are ok, safe even. This experience will open different perspectives for you. There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person. Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience. I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Best wishes to you, Allison",
"You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue. You cannot change that for him. He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own. What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't \"fix\" this for him. When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this: Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today. The person they claim to love. If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that. Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through. Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!Hope that helps, Allison",
"While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself. It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.",
"While you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's feelings, relationships do come with expectations. Both people in a relationship bring their own expectations into it. These expectations are usually unspoken, but result in conflict as you are experiencing here! Your boyfriend expects you not to spend the weekend with this guy. He may expect you not to spend the weekend with any guy at all. He may expect you to spend every single weekend with him! You'll have to decide if his expectations are ones you can live with. Relationships do require some compromise out of concern for our partner, but you get to choose how much you compromise. We get upset about things that make us feel insecure. You spending the weekend with an ex makes your boyfriend feel insecure. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just means that you have to decide if it's more important for you to maintain your freedom to spend weekends with whomever you wish, or to help your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. Good luck! Hope that helps,Allison",
"Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here. For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go. My first question is usually, \"How do you feel I can best help you today?\" Some people are very at ease and tell me many details. Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity. Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over. Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things. I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions. For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious. Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person. I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them. I hope that helps, Allison"
] | Allison VelezIs your relationship worth it? | allison-velez |
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"Usually people who struggle with depression also have symptoms of anxiety. These symptoms come about as a result of underlying causes. The obstacles you have been overcoming such as abuse, cancer and insomnia likely bring about similar feelings and emotions in you which affect your self-esteem. Counseling is meant to support people who have layers of difficulties. We see the difficulties as layers to an onion, peeling away the many layers.",
"When you feel the frustration and anger building inside you have that be a trigger for you to remember a feeling that you want to experience instead of anger, frustration and guilt, for example understanding. Then say that word to yourself as you take deep breaths. But know that this is normal for caregivers/family members to have these reactions because it is also an emotional roller coaster for you. Even though it is normal it is still good to try to respond differentyl and I commend you for doing that. You also may want to look for a Caregiver Support group which will help you hear from others who also respond this way.",
"It is important to set boundaries with those that stress you out. I encourage people to validate the other persons feelings by saying \"I am sorry you are going through this.\" Then, to set the boundary bye stating what you need from them or what you are trying to do with your life to destress and that you can't be a listening ear right now. This will need to be a repeated conversation, but over time you will notice less stress."
] | Amanda Babineau-LaRoseCounseling related to depression, anxiety, aging, grief and loss, medical illness, and adjustment to changes across the lifespan. | amanda-babineau-larose |
[
"There is no such thing as too many issues for counseling. Many people come in with a variety of issues and sometimes we discover other underlying issues. As you begin therapy, you will be able to explore your history with your therapist and come up with what you would like to focus on first or what appears to be most important. This is your therapy and you get to decide what is focused on in it.",
"That is great that he shared this information with you, that you were tested (and hopefully everything was okay), and that he continues to answer your questions about the event. It sounds like you are still having some trouble with what happened, and that is okay, and normal/natural. The question I want you to focus on is why you want to know if he had sex with a prostitute? I want you to think about what this information would do for you, how you would use it, what-if anything would change in your relationship because of this information. I also want to ask yourself if you feel like you trust your husband? Has he done anything like this in the past or since he shared this information with you? I don't have an answer for you and you may never know, because it sounds like he might not even know. He did share this information with you, he did make sure to care for you and make sure you were tested for stds, and he does continue to try to answer your questions. I'm sure he feels a lot of shame and guilt about this experience and understand that you are still feeling hurt and confused by his actions. I think it is important to explore the event, how you are both feeling about it, and even discuss ways to feel safe when he travels again if that is something that is causing stress and anxiety.",
"How do you feel when you meet with your therapist? Are you comfortable? Do you feel safe? Do you feel like you are gaining something from the experience? Therapy has its ups and downs, it is hard, and sometimes it won't feel good- that is when you are growing and learning the most. If you feel comfortable, safe, like you can tell your therapist anything (after getting to know her/him- not in the first session), and that you are getting help with what brought you in; then you might have found the right therapist for you. I always say, its just a feeling- you'll know."
] | Amanda SamuelsCo-Parenting and Infidelity Couples Counseling | amanda-samuels |
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"Counselors want to help you process whatever you come into therapy with! They can help guide you with where to start and how to start. Their intake paperwork will ask you questions about your life history so they can help you walk through each area. Don't be afraid to share these things upfront with your therapist so they can set goals with you and help you feel comfortable as you get started. It may take some time to explore the different areas, but that is normal! :)"
] | Amanda Sieg | amanda-sieg |
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"Depression has many different signs and symptoms and looks different for every person. Often times people think depression is more about feeling \"sad,\" but depression can, in fact, express itself through irritability (or bad mood as you say) and lack of energy. According to the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), depression includes the following symptoms:-Depressed mood-Irritable mood-Decreased interest or pleasure in activities you usually participate in or enjoy-Significant weight change or change in appetite-Change in sleep (insomnia or hypersomnia)-Psychomotor aggitation or retardation-Fatigue or loss in energy -Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt-Diminished ability to concentrate or indecisiveness-Thoughts of suicide or plan The great news is that there are many ways to improve depressive symptoms. If you are up for it, perhaps the best place to start is by seeing a physician or a therapist who can help determine how severe the depression is and can suggest methods of addressing the depression that fit your lifestyle, values, and capabilities. Good luck!",
"For some people, it really is about \"learning\" to love and like yourself. Learning this often starts with understanding what gets in the way of you liking or loving yourself. And more often than not, it is the messages our brain sends that have an extremely powerful affect on how we view ourselves. The brain is very powerful in tricking us that we are ugly, or dumb, or not worthy, and so on. But what is amazing and beautiful, is that our brain has great capacity to be re-wired to no longer accept the negative messages but instead replace them with more realistic and more loving messages. Seeing a therapist/counselor can be a great resource to help you learn to fight those messages.",
"For some people, it really is about \"learning\" to love and like yourself. Learning this often starts with understanding what gets in the way of you liking or loving yourself. And more often than not, it is the messages our brain sends that have an extremely powerful affect on how we view ourselves. The brain is very powerful in tricking us that we are ugly, or dumb, or not worthy, and so on. But what is amazing and beautiful, is that our brain has great capacity to be re-wired to no longer accept the negative messages but instead replace them with more realistic and more loving messages. Seeing a therapist/counselor can be a great resource to help you learn to fight those messages."
] | Amanda WallingsfordGenuine, caring, and experienced therapist looking forward to supporting you through your journey of growth | amanda-wallingsford |
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"I've been in this situation before and have some insight to share with you. In my experience, he was lying and trying to cover it up. By pushing you to std testing, he's distracting you so he can shift the guilt he feels and blame it on you. In a guilty man's mind I believe he's thinking-...if I cheated...you must have as well....but you're much worse than I because it's okay for me to cheat...but not you...now you're a cheating dirty slut...just like that prostitute Men believe they're entitled to treat women and children like property. Often they use intimidation and violence to control us. He'll never admit to cheating, he'll never apologize and he'll do it again and again. Truly they don't think it's a big deal, it's just their way of being social. They desperately want us to accept it, perhaps join in the act."
] | Amanda WatkinsSeeking employment with a non-profit agency | amanda-watkins |
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"No, you do not have too many issues to address in counseling. A lot of people present with multiple issues they want to address, and that shows good insight. Usually in therapy you find that everything is connected together, and the issues are more intertwined than previous thought."
] | Amber HarrisLife Can Suck, Let's Talk About It. | amber-harris |
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"Hello, and let me say first, what a great question! There are so many people putting forth their 100% everyday and often times, do not get the credit they deserve. Without being able to fully understand where you're question is coming from, I think there are a couple of different ways to look at this question.First, I think it's important for us to consider the message being sent by those in your life stating that you're \"not good enough.\" Is that ACTUALLY what they said, or is this just what you heard? Sometimes, because of our own self-doubts and fears, we skew and misinterpret the messages we receive from others. Again, listen to the message being sent and attempt to remain objective. Is the message being sent coming from a place of love or concern? If so, have an honest and open communication with that individual about what your concerns are regarding the amount of energy and time you're spending on being \"good enough.\" Explore with them how you feel you'r already giving your best.If the person is unwilling to work at understanding this concern you have, then it may be time to explore the relationship. Some relationships we engage in can be toxic, especially if the other person is toxic. It may be they have their own \"stuff\" going on and they feel the need to constantly put others down to make themselves feel better. If you're in the direct path of this individual, then it serves to reason you will probably be in the direct fire, as well. Explore whether or not you want this relationship to continue in your life. If it's a relationship that MUST continue, then work on what you will do to distance yourself from their toxicity or their problems. Until they're willing to work on these issues for themselves, then it may be necessary to find an exit strategy, such as leaving the room or simply refusing to engage in the conversation. Another perspective of this question is exploring the reason why it's important for YOU to satisfy the expectations of these other individuals? NO ONE will ever be 100% \"good enough\" for EVERYONE. Every single person has their own set of expectations in themselves and expectations in others. It would be impossible to satisfy all of those expectations for every single person in our lives. The question becomes, what is it WITHIN you that feels the need to meet these expectations? There is most likely a part of you, yourself, as an individual that feels \"less than\" and feels as if you, yourself, are not good enough. It then becomes impossible to every feel \"good enough\" for others, because it's really YOU you're trying to feel good enough for. If you already feel as if you're doing everything you can do to be at your best version of yourself, then really work on LETTING GO of the rest. No one is perfect, and striving for perfection in our lives only creates more anxiety and stress. Find a middle ground in which you are happy with your accomplishments and your daily goals, and learn to let go of what's left. After all, tomorrow is a new day and you can work on more of your goals tomorrow!I recommend doing this by finding a mantra, a statement or phrase you can repeat to yourself anytime you start to feel that sense of stress and pressure from striving for perfection. The mantra can remind you to let go of this expectation you have for yourself or that others have for you so you can also let go of the stress and anxiety surrounding the expectation. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes that perhaps you can use as your mantra, \"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. \" - Eleanor Roosevelt.",
"Hello,This question describes a very typical setup of what is called the Binge, Repent, Repeat cycle. This means that typically after you binge, you experience emotions as you described \"shame and disappointment\" and then because of these emotions you \"repent\" (i.e. vow to never binge again, promise to \"do better,\" go to the gym, etc.) and then ultimately end up bingeing again. There are many coping mechanisms for binge eating and one of the best is actually attempting to NORMALIZE eating. Meaning you need to attempt to eat normally, eating appropriately portioned meals 3 times a day, with snacks in between. IF you binge, then it may be helpful to remind yourself that when you attempt to compensate for your bingeing behaviors, and you end up feeling restricted from over exercising or undereating, then this actually leads to a binge again. Thus, reverting you back to the cycle. If you binge, it will be helpful to try and get back on a normal schedule of eating instead of trying to compensate for the binge. Although it may feel counterproductive, getting back on a normal eating schedule will prevent you from entering into the restrictive cycle. It can also be helpful to remind yourself that the binge has already occurred, it is in the past and the goal is to move forward without focusing on the past. Focus on what you can do differently next time. What emotions or situations led up to the binge? What can you to do prevent or change the circumstances that led to the binge, or the way that you handled the situation? Lastly, if you're struggling with \"normalizing\" eating, it can be helpful to work with a professional that can provide counseling and coaching to help you learn how to eating normally, mindfully and without feeling the guilt and other harmful emotions sometimes associated with disordered eating. I would be more than happy to assist you if you ever have any questions or want to reach out to somebody. You can contact me via my website: http://www.maddenwellnessky.com/",
"Hello! I'm so glad you decided to write in today. This is such a great question and I'm sure many others will relate to exactly what you're describing. There are a few different ways we can look at in understanding your concern. First, I think it's important to understand food is just food. Food is meant to nourish our bodies, provide us with energy and yes, sometimes reserved for special occasions and celebrations. But in many cultures, we place a LOT of emphasis on food. We have food at every gathering and every celebration. What's more people have come to almost EXPECT food to be present at any and every get-together. And if it's not? Well, then forget about it! I see this time and time again with my clients. Donuts appear in the office, and it's almost like donuts have never been there before! Must eat one (or two)! However, we need to remind ourselves that this occurrence, or similar ones, will not be the last time we can enjoy this particular food. It is likely the office donuts have happened before, and they will be there again on another day. During these moments, I like to have my clients employ a Stop-and-Think method. Stop-and-Think about your goals before you eat. Is this donut getting you where you want to be? Also, I have my clients ask themselves how special is this donut? If the donut really is a special donut (from the best bakery in town and you've never been there before) then now might be a time to have the donut. But if not, it would be wise to pass and wait until that \"special\" donut. Another aspect we need to remember about food, is to think about what we're getting from overindulging or overeating. Are you trying to drown out other emotions? Are you trying to feel better and the food gives you that feeling for a brief moment? What ELSE is going on? This can be determined by utilizing what we describe as a Thought Record. A Thought Record involves tracking and identifying thoughts and feelings associated with food triggers. By targeting the emotions, we can then determine where they're coming from, as well as how to decipher them. A therapist can also help you with understanding your emotions related to food and will be helpful in assisting you with the Thought Record.The most important thing to remember is that \"food addiction\" can be a real problem for a lot of people. If food is taking over your life and you are preoccupied and overwhelmed with knowing where to start, please seek out help. Binge eating is the most common eating disorder and impacts the lives of thousands. There are lots of free resources and information on my website at www.maddenwellnessky.com. In addition, I offer individual coaching and counseling through my website and I would love to help!- Amber",
"Hello, I do not live in the California area. However, perhaps I could make some suggestions as to where you might look for free counseling. First, I must mention that most insurances now cover for many different types of issues, including family issues. If your girlfriend lives with you, most insurances now cover \"live-in partners,\" as well. If you have insurance, contact your policy provider and ask whether or not couples counseling is included.Aside from insurance, the next place that comes to mind is a religious affiliation. Do you belong to a church or other religious organization? Many of the pastors or leaders in these disciplines have significant training in counseling, as well as assisting with marriage and couples counseling. These services are ordinarily offered free of charge to members.Another option might be to explore support groups within the area. There may be a group in the form of a couples support group that brings couples together to explore their relationships in the safety of the group. If you find there are no such groups in your area, there are anonymous, support groups online. Here is one such site: http://relationship.supportgroups.com/"
] | Amber Madden, MA, LPCAFood Addiction & Obesity Specialist | amber-madden-ma-lpca |
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"Hello! You may have heard the saying that counseling is like peeling the layers of an onion. Whether a person comes to therapy with many issues on their heart and mind or whether he/she comes with something specific, one issue leads to another. Please don't feel as though you have too many issues. You are important and worthy. On the plus side, you are a breast cancer survivor and have a wonderful marriage! Seek the help that you deserve.",
"Hello, you sound like you have so much on your mind! I am relieved to hear that you have never tried or have contemplated suicide, but not being able to sleep, feeling worthless, and like you shouldn't be here are big issues that need addressing.Please get around to counseling. Having someone to listen to you is a gift to yourself. You deserve the help of someone helping you change your feelings of worthlessness. You have not been able to do this alone. It's time to reach out for help. You can do this! Best to you!",
"Hi! I'm Amelia. Oh, that is so frustrating! Have you ever heard of social anxiety? Sounds like you may be suffering from it. Here is a link to a quiz... https://www.psycom.net/social-anxiety-test/.Besides being a therapist, I am a Mom to 10 kids. A couple of my kids are very uncomfortable with crowds and become very anxious. Find yourself a therapist who can assess you and spend time with you to address these issues and to help you learn tools to help you navigate these emotions.I am wishing you the best!",
"Hello, I am sorry to hear about you feeling verbally abused, trapped without an escape, and emotionally drained. Sounds to me like you are being treated more like a child than an adult. It's time to learn about healthy boundaries and being treated like an adult. This process will take time, but beyond elevating your self-esteem and worth, you will be modeling to your children a healthy adult. Model to them an empowered, confident, and person that is worthy of respect. Please invest in yourself. Find yourself a therapist that encourages and empowers you to have a voice and not feel invisible. You'll be so glad you did!",
"Hi, I'm Amelia! Oh, this is a common problem, unfortunately! Let me say first of all, that doing more, giving more, loving more, performing more will never provide you with a sense of worth. Nor will it satisfy those that are critical and judgmental. I am so sorry to hear that this is what you've heard all your life! You are a human BEING not a human DOING.If you can get yourself in counseling with a trusted therapist who will accept you, encourage you, hear you and support you, you can begin to work on what truth worth is. My best to you!",
"I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it. Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship. Here is an example... http://www.clucounseling.org/. Another possibility is a support group for bereavement and loss. Many are free. I wish you the best towards healing your heart.",
"Hi, I'm Amelia! You know, it does sounds like you have imagined a motherly comfort figure for yourself. Sometimes, when I have a person in my office that is very self-critical, I have him/her speak to his or herself as though he/she were speaking to a loved one. Isn't it sad that we speak to others more lovingly than we do ourselves?If you have not received empathy, nurturing, or comfort from a caregiver, it is hard to internalize empathy, nurture or comfort from the inside. There is a saying that \"We have been hurt in relationships and we can heal in relationships.\" Healing and growth are best provided in the context of healthy relationship. How about going the next step and finding a compassionate therapist or loving mentor that could actually provide you with the comfort that you need. You deserve to be seen, heard, noticed, and valued. I am wishing my very best to you!"
] | Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again. | amelia-mora-mars |
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"Hello and thanks for your question! It's important to have the right therapist. I encourage you to start by checking out the website of the therapist. Their blog articles will reflect the kind of work they do and the approach they may take while working with you. If there's an email listed, go ahead and reach out. Ask the particular questions that are on your mind. Share a little of what you are looking for in a therapist. Are you a goal-direct, solution-focused individual who is looking for someone to listen and ask questions? Are you less self-directive and desire a therapist who can give you the consistent push to move forward? Are you interested in intertwining certain theory approaches? Maybe a cognitive-base or experiential? Art therapy or engaging in exercise while talking? Your therapist is out there. It's OK to try out a therapist for a session or two. Interview them as they interview you. It's also OK to change therapists; ask your present therapist for a referral. He or she should be willing to provide you with names of other providers and there's no shame in asking for it. You deserve to work with someone who fits your style!I imagine there's already enough things happening in your life if you are searching for a therapist. Do you really want to \"train\" your therapist? After all, you are paying them for their knowledge and expertise. It does take time to develop a relationship and developing one with your therapist is vital to your growth and satisfaction. Participating in therapy, for the most part, should be a time you anticipate and not avoid. Can you be honest with them? Are you trusting of the confidentiality they provide? Has this person clearly shared with you the limits of confidentiality if using insurance versus paying privately? Is there any part of you that \"just isn't sure\"? It's okay to assert yourself in therapy. As a therapist, I invite you to assert yourself as it's a way to develop self-confidence and resiliency. Not everyone thrives in therapy by sitting in an office or lounging on a couch. Some folks benefit by challenging themselves in various environments, or are more comfortable in their homes, online, in the community, at a retreat, etc. Give yourself a gift of spending some time finding the person that can work with you towards what you are searching. Although there's the convenience of the local non-profit agency in your area, it may not be what you need. Also, limiting yourself to the names of providers listed on your insurance may not lead to the \"right one\". There are many forms of therapy that insurances refuse to cover. When this happens, many times you can be reimbursed for your expenses by your insurance or you can use a Health Savings Card or Flexible Spending Card, there are many, many options. Therapy is about exploring yourself. Go ahead and feel free!If you feel as if you need to \"train\" your therapist, it seems that person is not the right fit for you. Engaging in treatment should be quite comfortable from the outset of treatment. Many independent practitioners or small group providers offer a free consultation to start the relationship. Perhaps that's a place for you to begin? Good luck and I wish you well!"
] | Amy BelvalChatterSoupe! Helping Worried Women Unwind | amy-belval |
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"Hey! Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here! I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom! Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear. I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again! Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you! Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave! Be Wise!",
"Hey! I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatrician’s office. You don’t have to have your parent’s permission to seek support for yourself! And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! I am rooting for you! Be Wise!",
"Hey! It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone! And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings. A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend! Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness. Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself. Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list. Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it! You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities. Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer. Be Wise!"
] | Amy Fortney ParksChild & Adolescent Psychologist, Parent Coach, Educational Consultant | amy-fortney-parks |
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"So amazing that you are aware of your social anxiety and distress with others you are in relationships with. You have taken the first step toward a journey of healing! Secondly, make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in neurofeedback and biofeedback treatment. A test is needed to determine which areas of your brain are ‘on’ and which areas of your brain are ‘off’. Then it will be focused treatment which will speed your healing.",
"Social Anxiety is scary. You don’t feel safe in relationships and prefer to isolate yourself from the outside world. Is it something you can talk to your parents about? A school counselor could help you. The counselor could possibly order an evaluation to determine how to help.Build your self confidence - Start slow with your family and identify a subject you are familiar with and add to a general conversation. It’s important to start finding things in common with others. You don’t need to carry the conversations, just add a phrase or two. Have an exit strategy if you get too uncomfortable. Keep notes of what worked and what didn’t work so you’ll be prepared for your next opportunity. Carpe Diem!",
"It may be helpful to register for a class you can take together. I would recommend mindful meditation or yoga, just the two of you. Something you find time for in a weekly basis. Yoga is amazing in learning mindfulness and reducing stress. I use yoga and mindful techniques when working with children and recommend it to parents to engage with their children. Hope this helps.",
"Contact your daughter’s school and ask for an occupational therapy evaluation. An occupational therapist can determine if your daughter struggles with eye-hand coordination, visual processing or sensory motor difficulties. The therapist will develop a plan of care if your daughter demonstrates delays or difficulties in learning. OTontheGo.org mobile therapy that comes to you! Accepting most insurance.",
"The answer lies in what the outcome will be. How will things end if you find out he had sex with a prostitute? Will you leave? Will you try to work things out? The multiple versions are concerning. He seems unable to be truthful and this is damaging your relationship. Before considering marital therapy, please find a counselor for yourself. The right therapist can help you uncover what is right for you.",
"Be lighthearted, this toddler may not be a morning person! He is most likely wanting to connect with either parent when he arises in the morning. It could be helpful to talk with his parents and establish a routine that he would be comfortable with."
] | Amy Higgs OTR/L, CLT, CAPSMobile Occupational Therapist: sensory bus for children with ASD, SPD, ADD/ADHD and trauma | amy-higgs-otr-l-clt-caps |
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"A good way to start is the language or \"self talk\" that is happening inside your mind. Looking at your question, when it is said that the presentations \"make me feel stress\" you are giving the responsibility of the stress to the presentations and taking that away from your self. The presentations cannot give or take away your stress, that's something only you can do and you can do it! What language can you change in your self talk? For example, are you saying \"I can't speak in front of an audience! I'll fail?\" That sounds a lot different than \"I studied my butt off and if I practice speaking out loud, I can ace this presentation!\" Although this is a short answer, I do believe that counseling will help you overcome these stressful feelings and bring out your inner confidence.",
"Change can be uncomfortable, but sometimes those uncomfortable moments are the opportunity for us to be the person we feel we really are. It sounds like you like to spend the time in your head anticipating the worst, why not be in the present and encourage yourself that you can talk to people and it will be okay. By telling yourself it will not be okay, or that it will go wrong you are hurting your confidence to do what you want. Give yourself some credit for being awesome and tell yourself you can build new friendships...it may be the motivation you need to move past this fear.",
"It sounds like you are no longer committed to track emotionally. It can be hard to talk to your dad about this, but he may think you love track and may not know you are getting so upset the days of meets. An idea would be to first write a letter to your dad to see what feelings come out and then preparing to speak with him. I think he will appreciate your honesty and maybe this conversation will bring you relief and also time to find something you really will enjoy.",
"Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship. It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend. This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through. Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.",
"Use this time to explore who you are...imagine what your life would be like if you were gay and not, ask yourself what is different? What scenario do you find yourself gravitating to? What is important is that you are happy. My message to you is that you do not need to define yourself with your sexual preference or feel the need to label yourself, especially if you are confused and exploring what your sexual preference is."
] | Amy NolanYour journey to wellness starts here! | amy-nolan |
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"A person never has \"too many\" issues to address in counseling. Participating in counseling with a licensed professional offers a safe place and therapeutic relationship where healing can occur. A trained therapist can help a person unpack and process past and/or current wounds (or events) which may negatively impact day to day living. They can also help make sense of thoughts and emotions that sometimes feel overwhelming and confusing. If you want to experience more emotional freedom and gain some tools to help understand and cope with depression and anxiety, I'd encourage you to schedule an appointment with a therapist in your area.",
"I'm so sorry you had that horrible experience! It's common for those who've experienced childhood trauma(s) to not disclose the events until later in life. Sometimes it doesn't feel safe enough to share the information until the person who hurt them is far away, or even dead. Trusting and vulnerability are difficult, especially when we've been hurt. So, it's not uncommon for clients to share that their desire to be close to their loved one (emotionally, physically and/or sexually) doesn't match the reality of what they are able to actually experience.But, there is hope!You have met a loving and caring man, and you have a self-awareness that you did not experience before. I am confident that the help of a licensed professional counselor (preferably trained in trauma recovery) can help you navigate this healing journey and help you gain the tools needed for the life you want."
] | Amy StandiferChristian Sex Therapist and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional | amy-standifer |
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"I have had these many cases, but in situations like this.... If it does get out of hand, the police do need to be involved. Sit down and talk to your husband when he is calm and collective.",
"In situations like this, in most cases, he probably will not fill anytime soon. It's more of the fact that he isn't ready to give that life yet... Now if you probably pressured him about it then yes, he would probably give in.. But if it hasn't been a big issue anymore or something you guys aren't talking about, then right now.. Everything is on a hold."
] | Analyce Zapata-BarnesI'm here to help! | analyce-zapata-barnes |
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"It sounds as though your daughter is struggling to manage her anxiety and she is having really big reactions to what you view as small problems or issues. What have you tried with her in the past? As exhausting as it might be, a good first step is to empathize and validate her feelings."
] | Angela Mason, LMSWIndividual, Couple, Family Therapist | angela-mason-lmsw |
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"Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time. Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT"
] | Angela TopcuPsychotherapist, specializing in Grief, Anxiety and Self-Esteem | angela-topcu |
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"Being a caretaker can be very rewarding and demanding. This is not easy work, particularly when the person you are caring for is experiencing significant changes in behavior functioning. In your mom's case, it appears that her personality has drastically changed, and not just toward you. The first thing is to keep in mind that this is not personal to you. Your mom is experiencing cognitive degeneration, which impacts how a person perceives the world around them and how they respond to it. Educating yourself about Alzheimer's and how to take care of yourself as a caregiver may be very helpful. It is so important that you have support. It is challenging to take on the task of caring for a person. The adage, \"it takes a village to raise a child,\" is no different in this case. Maybe have breaks for caring for your mom and have someone else help. In those times, you get away, engaging in tasks and activities that are fun and exciting to you. It also may be beneficial to reach out to support groups of caregivers of those with dementia or Alzheimer's.Lastly, individual counseling for you will be so helpful. Talk through these experiences and develop coping strategies such as deep breathing, self-validation, wise mind, or safe/calm place.",
"Finding the right therapist is a lot like looking for a primary care doctor or family physician. You may have more than one in your life and also, if it does not work out, you can find a provider that is a better fit. You want to find someone who you believe will respond to your needs and help you accomplish your goals. That being said, it is very helpful to know what are you trying to accomplish in counseling. Therapists will open up the floor for you to discuss and will set treatment goals with you to move towards what you are accomplishing. This becomes the road map. The map keeps both the clinician and client on course. In addition, being very honest about your needs and providing feedback about sessions can be helpful. If you did not like something, make sure to speak up about it, so that it does not negatively impact the therapy relationship. If something works, make sure you speak up about that too. This can help the therapist to know if therapeutic changes need to be made. Similar to a doctor, if a medication is not working, it would be important to let them know so that adjustments can be made. Therapy is a journey that is unique to each person. Talking about the therapy relationship is a part of that journey.",
"Therapy is a safe place where we address a host of different issues. Many times things come up that we may have been too busy to address or we have become skilled in avoiding. We usually avoid or push away painful experiences. When we open ourselves to the healing process of therapy these painful things can be brought forward. Humans cry for many reasons. Commonly we cry when something touches us deeply and is related to a strong emotion of sadness, hurt, confusion, happiness, relief, or some other emotion. It would be natural for the body to respond to these emotions through crying. As a side note: we keep kleenex in every room of our office, lobby, and common areas. http://www.liferebirthed.com"
] | Angelia WorleyTransformative Counseling Experience | angelia-worley |
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"This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away.",
"Although we all want (or wish) that our partner is also our best friend, in reality this doesn't always happen. There may be issues, of course and there are many things to consider there, such as \"why do we need\" another person to confide in, or are we actually attracted to this \"best friend\" but because we know we can't have them we put this thought behind etc. etc. Is this friend and old friend, an old flame or a new acquired friend; the latter is complicated and probably the most questionable, in my view. So, many things to think about and there is no one answer fits all.",
"It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is. You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.",
"Remember, the past no longer exists and the future is just an illusion as we don't know what will happen tomorrow, so take the present as your guide. That is all we can do, so keep saying this to yourself and try to help someone each day. The happiness is helping others to feel a bit better."
] | Angie StonesThe future depends of what you do in the present! | angie-stones |
[] | Anisia CocanYou have found the right place if you struggle with any of following: divorce/ separation; family issues; relationship conflicts; mood disorders; parenting issues. | anisia-cocan |
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"Thank you for your question. It's completely normal and natural to feel nervous before a therapy session. Many people report having felt this way. I can't say enough regarding the amount of courage it takes to reach out and attend a therapy session. For many people, it can take weeks, months, or even years of contemplating whether to see a therapist or not before actually contacting one and attending the first session. It takes courage to want to work through any struggles you may be having or personal growth you aspire toward. In your question, you mentioned that you've \"gone several times and are still feeling nervous and shaky.\" If you feel comfortable with your therapist and it's a good fit for you, I would suggest talking about this with your therapist. You don't have to struggle each time you have your appointment. Together, you and your therapist can work toward helping you have a different experience.",
"Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - \"is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?\" Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around \"Will their partner ever forgive them?\" \"Will they trust them again?\" \"How long will it take to regain their trust again?\" While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.",
"Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both.",
"When \"threats\" of leaving, such as what you described in your question (\"kicking you out, wanting divorce\") are continuous in your marriage, it can start to erode at the foundation of your relationship, impacting both partners. And, if you're concerned about the influence of another male in the relationship, and are unable to express your concerns or fears to your wife, it's extremely difficult to build a secure functioning relationship. From the information provided in your question, it seems as if there is some avoidance evident in your relationship. Avoidance of being able to express yourself and have honest communication about your relationship. If your wife is willing, I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor to help you both during this time. Or, for you to talk with an individual therapist, if marriage counseling isn't an option.",
"It's hard when you feel as if you're the only one that's taking the time to listen to your spouse. But, I would look at this as an opportunity to see if you can become aware of what exactly is happening between you, when you try and talk with your husband. Sometimes, it can be in the way dialogue is approached. I would suggest paying attention to the way you begin dialogue with your husband. See if blame and criticism are present. When blame and criticism are included, bids for connection, can quickly go off track. This can sometimes start off with something like: \"why don't you...\" \"you aren't...\" \"you don't...\" Partners can quickly go into defensive mode if they feel they are being attacked and sometimes starting off like this can feel like an attack. Also, become aware of the time of day or evening when you approach your husband. Sometimes, this can make a big difference for couples as far as when they can truly be present for one another. If you find this pattern continues, you might consider seeking professional help through couples therapy. A trained couples therapist can help you both understand more about what's happening between you.",
"A resource I think is helpful to learn more about \"what makes a good marriage\" and steps toward doing so is Dr. John Gottman's book: \"Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.\" Dr. Gottman is a leader in this field and has done extensive studies with couples to determine what behaviors are key in making a marriage work and what behaviors could predict divorce. I think this book might be a good start if you're wanting to learn more about how to have a long lasting relationship.",
"One key factor to consider is, are you able to repair after your arguments? It seems from your question that repair is lacking after any disagreement or argument. When couples are able to repair after an argument, they have an opportunity to learn more about each other's needs moving forward. I'm also curious if you're having the same type of arguments over and over? If you're stuck in a particular pattern, and can start recognizing what happens between you when this pattern happens, then you can start to name it. Once you name it, then you can take a break to cool off and come back to each after your nervous system has had a chance to calm down (about 30 minutes). The key here though is to make sure you have a plan in place - when things are good between you - an agreement between you that when you both start to get escalated, you'll name it or have an agreed upon code word to signal you don't want to continue this cycle, and then agree to cool off and come back together at a later time. That way, when this is enacted during an argument, nobody feels abandoned during the cool off time. Rather, both partners know they will return at a time when they can truly hear each other and hear their needs.",
"Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend? Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for.",
"For a therapist, deciding to end counseling sessions or terminate working with a client is a thoughtful and intentional decision. One that is not entered into lightly. While there are many considerations counselors take into account, to help answer this question, I'll offer an example of two areas that counselor's take into consideration when ending counseling sessions:Does the client need different or more specialized care than the current counselor can provide? This requires the counselor to determine whether referring the client to another therapist or health care provider is needed.And, has the therapeutic relationship reached treatment goal(s)? While this question is specific to the counselor, I'd like to also add that a client, at any time, can end counseling.",
"Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. First,I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.Next, I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match."
] | Anna McElearneyHelping Couples Build Stronger Relationships | anna-mcelearney |
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"It sounds like you may be struggling with depression. Depression can make you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed to change. I would suggest that you connect with a provider who can help you get to the root of where the worthlessness is coming from and help you develop a plan for recovery. In the meantime, small steps can go a long way. Self-care interventions such as journaling your feelings, mindfulness meditation, and regular exercise are all helpful to reconnecting with the present moment and gaining internal motivation. Focusing on one day at a time and bringing your thoughts back to the present can also be beneficial. There is hope!"
] | Anna OwensLicensed Professional Counselor | anna-owens |
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"It can be maddening when it seems like our partners or spouses are unwilling to hear us—especially when we have been trying for so long to be heard. Being cut off, shut down, or turned away from is very hurtful, particularly when it is a loved one who is doing the turning away.I’m sure you have found that the harder you try to make him hear you, the further away he seems. There are a few things at play here and the situation can be looked at from a few different angles—First, no one likes to hear that they “need to change”. Being confronted with something that someone feels we are doing wrong feels like being criticized and judged—and who responds perfectly to that? The hackles go up, the defenses start rearing their ugly heads, and we dig in our heels. So how do you deal with someone who puts up an instant wall when you are asking something important of them?Consider the tone of your “startup”. When you begin your ask of your husband, is it light and friendly? Is it approachable and warm? Or are you angry, fed-up, and anxiety-ridden from moment one? The way you start the conversation sets the tone for the rest of the conversation, so if you are hoping for a successful conversation, a harsh start up is a poor strategy. Try instead to begin in a way that sets a warmer tone for the conversation. There is no need for you and your husband to be adversaries, is there? You both probably want the same things in many of these interactions at the end of the day, after all. How would you want to be approached? How would you approach a good friend of yours or a work colleague? Is there any reason you should be speaking to him with any less warmth then you would a co-worker or friend?This by itself is not the whole story of course—you may have even tried this. Although, I must say it takes some persistence. Which brings me to the next point—it sounds like you and your husband have already established a push-pull pattern where you push for something and he pulls away and the more you push the more he pulls away. He is likely (as you might be too) already expecting this kind of interaction. This pattern has to be broken. Remaining calm and warm and empathetic to his position (that he is about to be criticized and judged and must therefore defend himself) throughout the entire conversation will help to break that pattern. Imagine his surprise when, where he was expecting an exasperated sigh or a raised voice you instead respond with a kind “yeah, I get that it’s hard to remember to pick up the dog every single time you get the door. I just worry about the dog, you know. I know you care about him too, so I just thought I’d remind you”. And then leave it at that. The next part can be very tough—you really leave it at that. In all likelihood, he is aware that your grandson needs to be looked after or the dog needs to be picked up at the door. Your telling him doesn’t make him any more aware. It only serves to frustrate you, and him, and drive a wedge between you. This is where you get to do the hard work of managing what you can control and what you can’t. You can’t make him pick up the dog any more than you can make the dog sit and stay at the door. But you can control yourself. You can control whether you drive that wedge further between you or let him be responsible for his own actions (or inactions as the case may be).Also, look out for the times when he does something that is “right”. You don’t have to throw a parade every time he remembers to be attentive to your grandson but a simple “thank you” or “that was really nice of you” can really enforce “good behavior” and strengthen your bond. If you find that it is difficult to find times like this right off the bat, look harder. Not only could this do something to brighten things between you from his perspective, it can also help you to feel a little better about things when you are searching for positives as opposed to negatives.Couples counseling can be very useful for understanding these patterns of relating, how to reset them, and gain control over what is available and empowering for you to control. Best of luck!"
] | Ariel Sheeger“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”~ Abraham Maslow | ariel-sheeger-2 |
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"I commend you for taking such a brave step in talking about everything you have been through. No one ever has \"too many issues\" to seek therapy and I would be willing to bet that many of these concerns are intertwined and once unraveled great relief is to follow. Best of luck on your journey toward healing. Most times our wounds lead us to the best parts of ourselves.",
"Being a parent is hard. Finding the balance between nurturing and guidance can be a difficult thing to do. I find that most of us seek validation and sometimes that can be the most helpful thing when experiencing stress and anxiety. Saying something like \"Gosh, it sounds like XYZ is really difficult to take on, I can't imagine what that is like for you.\" Allowing the space for your child to communicate their thoughts and feelings, seeking clarity and understanding can go miles in your daughter feeling heard and understood. Seeking professional help is also a good option. Therapy allows your child the space to work through, process, and find solutions to many of the struggles they are having. Because as we all know, being a kid is hard!",
"I am curious, what makes you stay? Sometimes \"managing stress\" is only a band aid to a bigger problem. When you ask yourself \"what your life would look like without this stress,\" what do you see? We can easily talk about coping strategies for stress. Mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, journaling, exercising etc. All of which may be things to help manage your stress. Hearing your sentiments above \"I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions\" I wonder if the stress is more resentment and if \"managing\" is really the solution?",
"The therapeutic relationship is such an important aspect of the process toward healing. Feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable is a good starting place. Understanding your own goals for therapy, outcomes you hope to get from it, and the approach you need from your therapist. Each therapist is unique and have their individual styles and theoretical orientations they align with. Open and honest communication regarding what you are hoping to get out of therapy and asking questions from the start of therapist to better understand if their theoretical approach will be helpful to you is a good starting place. Knowing and trusting yourself that if it is not a good fit that it is okay to seek therapy from another provider.",
"It is completely NORMAL and can be incredibly helpful. Some times we just need to let things out with a good cry. Having a non-judgmental open space to do that be so therapeutic. It sounds like you are really putting in the work you are in need of.",
"The therapeutic relationship is such an important aspect of the process toward healing. Feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable is a good starting place. Understanding your own goals for therapy, outcomes you hope to get from it, and the approach you need from your therapist. Each therapist is unique and have their individual styles and theoretical orientations they align with. Open and honest communication regarding what you are hoping to get out of therapy and asking questions from the start of therapist to better understand if their theoretical approach will be helpful to you is a good starting place. Knowing and trusting yourself that if it is not a good fit that it is okay to seek therapy from another provider.",
"I think this question can vary based on the individual therapist, their style and theoretical orientation. Clients are always welcome to ask questions before and during the process to understand their care. When I am first meeting with a client I take a more formalized approach in our first session completing what is called a psychosocial assessment. Typically I explore what brought the client to therapy in the first place and I take a more direct approach asking a variety of questions related to the specific struggles, frequency, history, duration, etc. This is NOT how my normal therapy sessions are and I try to explain that to my clients so they understand that while my first initial sessions is a lot of information gathering, and me typing out their responses, on going therapy is very client focused and catered to the needs of the client."
] | Ashley "Ashton" BernalRenewed Hope Counseling | ashley-ashton-bernal |
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"You will know when you have the right there is when you have been able to establish a trusting relationship with this person, there's a level of honesty and transparency within this relationship, and this person challenges you on different levels to come out of your comfort zone and to grow.",
"It's normal to cry. Crying is a very healthy and cathartic process that allows for you to fully experience whatever emotion you feel, whether it be tears of joy or tears of sorrow. To cry in therapy is quite normal and there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. Crying is a part of being human. It's a part of expressing how we feel and it is a beautiful thing."
] | Ashley BryantRestoring the mind, the couple, and the family. | ashley-bryant-2 |
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"If you are a people-pleaser type or a natural caretaker, you can slowly \"lose yourself\" over time if you are always tending to the needs of others and neglecting yourself. If this sounds like a familiar pattern for you, this may have happened without you even realizing it if you were raised in a family where you had to pick up the slack alot. Maybe your parents were addicts or they might have even just worked all the time and you learned to \"take care of everything\" because that is what you had to do to help the family run smoothly. Over time, a person who grows up in this type of environment learns that you put the needs of others before your own. You might also be stuck in these types of patterns in intimate relationships as well; if you completely give yourself over to your significant other and you don't create a life for yourself with your own interests and supportive friends, you are at risk of losing what is unique and amazing about you. If you grew up in a family where you learned this role out of survival or because it was needed to take care of your family, it's easy to re-create this in adult relationships.In both scenarios, if there is no awareness that this \"self sacrifice at the expense of others\" is going on, your identity is shaped around being a caretaker/enabler/people-pleaser and down the road it can lead to depression, low self esteem, and a confused sense of self. Basically, you spend so much time helping other people that you don't make time for yourself or create a life of fulfillment. Before you realize it, you have been living a life for others instead of yourself and you have no idea who YOU are. Supporting loved ones and friends is important and certainly admirable, but if you are always that person that rescues, those that rely on you begin to take advantage of you and they will suck you dry if you let them. In conclusion, learning to set boundaries with those in your life that are too needy becomes a really important part of the process when you begin to recognize that you are unhappy and unfulfilled in life. It sounds like you may be at that crossroads right now. Take one small step at at a time. Identify the worst offenders in your life that suck time and energy, and limit your contact and/or set some strong boundaries with those people so you can refocus and do some soul-searching. Meanwhile, engage in pleasurable activities with people you enjoy being with, get yourself outside in the fresh air, get some good sleep, and eat some nourishing food!",
"I think there are many different directions we could go as far as answering your question. I think the first and most important question you need to ask yourself is do you truly believe in your heart that you can forgive him and trust him again? Once you answer that question honestly then you can move in one of two directions. First, if you truly love this guy and see yourself being with him long term and for the \"long haul\", so to speak...and you genuinely want to forgive him and trust him again, that is completely do-able and possible if you both put in the work. But, there's a greater issue here that needs to be addressed. You say your relationship is \"good\", but there's been a sexual disconnect between the two of you and that usually indicates some type of emotional disconnect is at the core. Would you agree with that, or what are your thoughts? Were you giving him less sexual attention than you normally do or were you guys never on the same page about sexual needs and having compatible sex drives? If you are more of an emotional person than he is, you may have been less interested sexually because he hasn't been meeting your emotional needs. For instance, if you hadn't been feeling loved, cared about, validated, appreciated, cherished, and special to him than you may have felt less connected physically and been less interested. This is a common issue with couples, and can easily be addressed if the communication in your relationship is strong and you can find a way to express to him your frustrations. In essence, many women tend to have more emotional needs than men, this is the way we are hard-wired, and there are exceptions to this of course, but if you have been feeling neglected emotionally than your lack of interest in sex is actually completely understandable and NORMAL! Until he understands this, and can learn to tune into your needs emotionally, you may struggle with feeling you are out of sync emotionally (and sexually). This leads to you both being frustrated, but if all this is ringing true to you, he seriously probably has no clue what's going on and may not know how you're feeling. You need to communicate your needs to him; if you are super lost with how to do that, there's an awesome book called The Five Love Languages. It's not that long, and it's very approachable and easy to apply the concepts to your relationships. Invaluable resource for relationships and truly eye opening; really!!This is a long post, I'm sorry! But this is such an important issue that is very common and many people feel lost about how to handle it. So back to the second direction you can go....you feel very betrayed, you aren't sure if you can ever trust him again and you see yourself perhaps being paranoid forever and never being able to completely get over this. For instance, if he says he is working late, or if he doesn't call or text right away when he usually does, you may immediately jump to the worst case scenario that he is cheating again. Of course, it may not be true, he may have legit reasons for his behaviors, but the point is if you are going to be in paranoia-mode OR you just will always be unsure whether he loves you and is committed to you and only you, then the trust may not be able to be re-built. You need to think long and hard about this, and if you decide you have the capacity to forgive him and rebuild your foundation of trust and honesty, then you need to let him know very explicitly what you need him to do to earn that trust back. You can't just tell him vaguely \"I need to trust you again\"; if he wants his family back and he's willing to do the work, you need to line out exactly what he needs to do and he needs to do it. But, be prepared that he might throw out there that he cheated because he felt you weren't attracted to him anymore (or he tries to put the blame on you somehow because he says you weren't meeting his physical needs)...if he throws that out there, but you weren't showing him the affection because you were frustrated emotionally, then it all starts with you communicating that to him. Get that book!In conclusion, if you feel in your heart there is no way you will be able to trust him again and you will always wonder if he's cheating when his behavior isn't spot on, you will be a nervous wreck and perhaps cutting your losses now would spare you the continued heartache. There is certainly a way to work through this, but you both have to be motivated and you have to get to the source of why the cheating happened in the first place. Rebuilding trust can be a long process, maybe even years, and for some people, they may never be able to fully trust and let go of the past. I truly recommend starting with the book, and then going from there. If you decide you want to stay with him, you would really benefit from couples counseling, as it sounds like a professional could help you strengthen your communication and ability to trust again."
] | Ashlie BrownCounselor & Hypnotherapist | ashlie-brown |
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"You can never have too many issues to address I'm counseling! In fact, I wish more people would come in sooner than later (or not at all) but I always say better late than never. I think you will discover how everything you're experiencing makes sense when you connect the dots with your therapist. Depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, and low self esteem can all be symptoms of trauma/sexual abuse. Your counselor will do an assessment and talk with you about your goals to develop a treatment plan. Always make sure your therapist feels like a good fit, because research has shown that the therapeutic relationship is the most important factor regardless of the theoretical orientation or treatment modality.",
"First of all, it’s a strength that you are openly seeking help for this problem. As others have said, it would be best to get a therapist you can work with because as humans we heal in relationship with others. Here are a few things I would explore and suggest working on:1.) Questions to explore: When did you start feeling worthless? Why do you feel worthless? What does it mean to be worthwhile? Where are these beliefs coming from? How are you measuring your worth? 2.) Check the facts: are people TELLING you that you’re worthless or treating you like it? If so, start setting some boundaries, communicating your feelings, and/or get those people out of your life. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. If you believe you’re worthless even if you’re treated well by people you’re surrounded with then...3.) start to challenge the belief that you’re worthless. Start to cultivate the belief that you’re worthwhile regardless. Is there any part of you that can believe it, even just a little bit? Spend time focusing on this each and every day. 4.) do things that help you build confidence and mastery. Find something you enjoy and want to get better at or learn more about. Invest time in learning a new skill and practice being patient with yourself.5.) practice mindfulness. That involves being non-judgmental and curious rather than criticizing yourself or emotions. 6.) do something that makes you feel like you have a purpose- even if it’s small Iike visiting some lonely people at a nursing home or volunteering at an animal shelter. It may seem small but it matters a great deal to the one you helped!I wish you all the hope, healing, and happiness you deserve!",
"I'm so sorry you're going through this! I think there is almost always someone in the family who becomes the scapegoat and ends up feeling this way sadly. Please know that you are NOT the problem! It sounds like you need to be heard and understood but maybe your family has their own stuff going on and don't know how to handle it so they end up taking it out on you, or maybe they just don't know how to listen and validate because they never learned. Bottom line is there are many reasons they might be treating you this way that have nothing to do with you or your worth. It's your parents' responsibility to love and care for you. You are loveable and worthy regardless. I hope you find a therapist that helps you work through this. You deserve to be happy and loved.",
"Wow, that's tough. It's understandable to feel trapped when the people you depend on are mistreating you. While you can't change your parents, fortunately you can work on changing yourself and your situation.Often, the clients I work with feel trapped when there are actually things they can do to change their situation. The problem is, our emotions can be so powerful they can distort our perception of reality or prevent us from doing the things necessary to build a better life. Work through this with a therapist to see if your emotions might be getting in the way and look outside the box for things that you can do to change your situation. In the meantime, here are some other things you can work on.1.) Assume the best and try not to take it personally. Most likely your parents don't want to cause you harm, but they don't know any other way to cope with their emotions or communicate effectively. For example, they may feel that they failed as parents somehow but they take their frustrations out on you. Maybe their disappointment comes off as anger or frustration directed towards you. Maybe they feel powerless and the abuse gives them an outlet or a sense of control (i.e., an unhealthy way of coping). This doesn't excuse them for treating you that way but can help in understanding that this may be all they know and the abuse is the problem- not you.2.) Communicate. Relationships are transactional, meaning that what you do and say affects me, and what I do and say affects you. One way we influence people is with the way we communicate (our words, body language, actions, tone of voice, etc.). If you don't say or do anything, you are essentially communicating that it is acceptable.Instead, tell them clearly and respectfully every time their words or actions hurt you. Sometimes people don't realize how their words and actions affect us (or they don't know how else to say things), but it is our responsibility to let them know and to set the boundaries. Remember that while it is your parents' responsibilities to manage their own emotions and communication, it is your responsibility to take care of your own.You could say something like, \"when I hear you say that it really hurts,\" \"please don't say things like that to me,\" or even more clearly, \"it's not okay to talk to me that way. Please find a more respectful way to say you need.\" Each time you are correcting them and teaching them how to treat you. I realize that this doesn't always work because ultimately people are gonna do do what they want, but these are ways that you can practice standing up for yourself. You may have to say these things over and over again, but it's better than not saying anything at all. Not only will it help your self esteem, but you will be modeling healthy boundaries and communication for your child.None of this is easy work and since people are so complex, there isn't a quick and easy fix. I definitely recommend working with a therapist to explore what's keeping you stuck and how you can work through it. It would be awesome if your parents would be on board with learning some healthier ways to communicate as well. I hope this helps and things work out!",
"Aside from seeing a therapist to help you work through the feelings and events that might have resulted in the self-hatred, I recommend a few things:1.) Draw a line down the page in a journal to make two columns. In the first column, write down your negative thoughts. On the other side in the second column, write down a different statement to challenge that thought. Pretend you are a judge trying to prove the negative thought wrong. For example, you might change \"I wasn't good enough\" to \"it wasn't about me\" or \"I'm actually really good at x, y, and z.\" 2.) Write down a new positive self statement each day and focus on each one on your list for 2-3 minutes (more if you can- the more the better). Meditate on the truth of each of these statements. This method has been proven to be effective in improving self esteem.3.) Practice non-judgmental awareness. Be curious about your experience. Notice your emotions and where they are coming from. My guess would be that if you're hating yourself then there is probably some shame, guilt, sadness, and/or anger that needs to be addressed. These emotions might fit the facts or not. If they do, here are some things you can do (if not, then practice the methods above):Shame: Fits the facts if a person or group of people you care about will reject you if they knew the truth. Try talking to someone who will not reject you about what you're ashamed of. Be VERY careful to pick someone who will validate you and not cause more shame (a therapist will help with this).Guilt: Fits the facts when you've done something that violates your own values or moral code. Try making amends if you've hurt someone. Practice self-validation (or talking with someone who will validate you) and forgiving yourself. Use it as motivation to making a commitment to change your behavior if necessary.Sadness: Fits the facts when you lost or will be losing someone or something you care about. Practice letting yourself feel sad and grieve. Maybe process it with someone who supports you or through a creative outlet like art or writing.Anger: Fits the facts when someone or something has threatened you or a loved one's life or well-being. Anger motivates us to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Practice setting boundaries and seeking justice if necessary.4.) Practice self compassion. Imagine someone you care about is going through the same thing. What encouraging or loving words would you say to them? Write that down. Now read it back to yourself.5.) Building mastery is a great skill for confidence and improving your mood. That means doing things that give you a sense of confidence like learning or practicing a new skill. 6.) Step out of your comfort zone and do things that you're afraid of that are not harmful, like participating in Toastmasters to practice public speaking. Give yourself permission to suck and try not to judge yourself.These things can be very helpful, but there may be more work to do to really get to the root of the problem and heal. This is pain trying to get your attention. Don't ignore it. Find support and give yourself grace.",
"I'm sorry that you feel this way despite all you do and as hard as you try. No wonder you're feeling worn out and hopeless! If you're doing your best and it's still not good enough then it's reasonable to expect that you would end up feeling burnt out. It's like there's no more fuel to keep your fire going! I would encourage you to approach this with curiosity. In what areas are you not feeling \"good enough?\" What does \"good enough\" even mean? How are you measuring your success? Is it measured by what other people say, whether or not they approve, or what other people think? Is it measured by your own expectations, expectations of a boss, a parent, or a partner? Are they realistic and achievable expectations? I once had a boss who always gave negative feedback and criticism. I started to get to the point where I questioned my career and whether or not it was for me. When I took a step back and checked the facts, I realized that the feeling of being \"not good enough\" was coming up mostly in my interactions with my boss. When I found myself thinking of quitting, I realized that it might be helpful to try talking to her about it first. As scary as it was, it made a huge difference. I practiced the skills I teach my clients including constructive criticism and assertive communication. I told her that as much as I appreciated her trying to help by giving me feedback, I found myself feeling very discouraged after our meetings. I braced for her response, which actually came to me as a surprise. She admitted that many people have told her the same thing, and that it wasn't me. She said that it was her own \"stuff\" that she needed to work on. After that I chose to focus on the evidence that I was doing well and that my job has meaning and value. I realized that \"good enough\" is how I choose to define it. I worked on letting myself be human and realizing that I am doing my best and that's good enough (and that doesn't mean I can't still learn and grow). Giving yourself permission to be human and stop judging yourself so harshly creates space for learning and growing without burning out. It also gives you a sense of peace because you're not trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. It's saying \"I'm okay as I am, regardless of what anyone says or thinks.\" It's also saying \"I'm doing my best and I can do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.\"Bottom line is, if you check the facts, you're doing great in many ways. So whether the \"not good enough\" message is coming from outside or within, try to replace it with another narrative. Maybe something like, \"I'm okay as I am, even if I make mistakes and I'm always learning.\" If you're getting criticism from others, try talking to them about it. Let them know how they can best support you. Maybe that means celebrating your accomplishments with you- no matter how small. Most likely they want what's best for you and don't realize how their actions are affecting you. If they don't want what's best for you, then you might want to consider how you can filter them out of your life or set healthy boundaries with them. Keep your head up and stay focused on your strengths. The fact that you are reaching out for help shows that you're proactive and open-minded; hang in there and it will get better!",
"Since no one can prove that there is a higher power (meaning we cannot observe \"God\" with our senses), the decision to believe is a choice you make. When something can't be proven true, you get to choose what belief system works best for you. Some questions to reflect on might be:1.) What does \"God\" even mean? What are the experiences that have shaped your perception of \"God?\" Are there any other ways to think of it?2.) What turns you on or off to the idea of God? And remember that there is a difference between religion and spirituality. You do not have to be religious to believe in God.3.) How might your life look if you truly believed there was a higher power/God? How might that be beneficial? Why wouldn't you believe (what is there to lose)?4.) How might your life look if you chose not to believe in any higher power? Is there anything you might lose? What would you gain?5.) How do you cope with things that are outside of your control and don't make sense? How do you cope with the idea of death and tragedy?If you decide that you would like to cultivate a belief in God, then there are ways you can strengthen this belief (some doubt and questioning is always normal). Something you could do to strengthen your belief is to look for ways that it fits into your life. Look for things that have happened in your life that show you there is something/someone out there looking out for you. Another way to think about God is to think about love. Not in the emotional sense of the word, but in terms of good versus evil, light versus dark, love versus hate. There are some things out there that are clearly evil acts (Christians refer to this as the enemy and sin), but many times something good can be found amidst the bad. As Fred Rogers once said, whenever you see something terrible that happened on the news, \"Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.\" And as one of my favorite verses from the Bible goes, \"Light always overcomes darkness.\"Remember the answers you're looking for come from within. Just look for the answers you hope to find and they will come to you.",
"I'm so sorry that you have been haunted by the past for so long. It must have been incredibly difficult to open up about something so dark and vulnerable. But by shedding light on it you have already taken the first step toward healing. Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships if it isn't healed. In fact, we are all reacting to things every day based on perceptions colored by our past experiences. The good news is, you can heal by gaining an understanding of how trauma from the past is affecting you now, developing healthy coping skills, and working through those memories and emotions with a therapist. This will require some \"rewiring of the brain,\" meaning that you will identify the negative thought patterns and beliefs, and replace them with something more helpful. For example, if your negative reaction feels like \"I'm abandoned and alone,\" you might work on changing it to \"I can get my needs met, and I'll be okay regardless.\" Or if you find yourself feeling like \"I'm not worthy of love,\" you might change that to something like \"I deserve to be loved.\"Most likely, the reason you're pushing this man away is because something about this relationship is triggering negative beliefs and emotions from the past, and your reaction (by pushing him away) protects you in some way even though there may not be any real danger now. You probably know this logically, but trauma gets stuck in our emotional mind which you can't reason with! That's why you have to work through the emotions to be able to see things more clearly from a new and more helpful perspective. I like to think of emotions like clouds that block the sun and make it difficult to see anything clearly. If we ignore and avoid the clouds all the time then we will spend our lives looking at the ground. If you can learn to safely weather the storm, you'll find that before long it will pass and you'll be able to see things clearly again.I recommend working with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma and who you feel comfortable with because they will be able to tailor treatment to your specific needs. You can have the happy life and healthy relationship you desire and deserve!",
"I would look up therapists who speak to what you are going through on their website or directory listing and seem to align with your values (some people want a therapist of the similar faith, gender, or cultural background). I'm not saying that they should have these traits but for some people that's important and helps them to feel more comfortable. When you find one that seems to fit on their listing or website, try the free consultation that most therapists offer. Ask them about their experience in treating your problems and how they might be able to help. I would try them for a few sessions and see how well y'all mesh. Ultimately if you don't feel like you're getting anything out of it then I would suggest either letting them know if you need something different or try a different therapist. Your therapist needs to fit like a comfy pair of shoes! Sometimes that does take a few sessions though as the first stage always involves getting to know each other and building rapport.",
"I can't tell you how many times I've heard people talk about terrible things that have happened to them yet they don't shed a tear. Is that normal? Well, yes, but not exactly healthy. It's normal because they've been conditioned this way. If you feel shame around crying, then you most likely learned at some point in your life that it's not okay to cry. Most people have been told at some point in their life, \"don't cry!\" or \"don't be sad!\" But some people have had this message imprinted in their minds by negative experiences such as parent who shamed them or got mad at them for crying, or simply by cultural or societal messages.The truth is, whether you're male, female, black, white, asian, etc.- we're all humans and crying is a natural response that allows our bodies to express (i.e. release) pain. It literally helps to get the emotional pain out. If you don't express your sadness in a healthy way (writing or creating art to represent your emotions can be other healthy outlets) then it will find another way to get your attention, and that will likely not be healthy (self harm, inflicting harm on others, numbing/dissociating, anxiety, etc.).So to answer your question, it is normal and healthy to cry in therapy. If you have no other place where you can allow yourself to cry with someone to witness and hold space for your pain, then you are already benefitting from therapy. I would suggest exploring your beliefs around crying with your therapist if you feel ashamed of it. This is all too common, but I believe that many people would start to feel better if they didn't judge themselves for crying or feeling sad. Honor your pain and you will feel more at peace."
] | Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR | ashton-sullivan |
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"Hello there, first I'd like to say I think it's great that you are reaching out as a parent and wanting to help her. My first thought is whatever is going on with her is not silly to her, and is impacting her in a real way. She is responding the best she can right now. It does sound like she is struggling with managing her anxiety and stress. She might benefit from finding a therapist that she can trust to discuss her thoughts and feelings, learn coping skills, and learn how to better manage these overwhelming emotions.",
"Absolutely. We talk about vulnerable things and crying is a human response. I encourage my clients to cry and let out whatever they were holding in. It's not just you. I cry with my therapist as well :)"
] | Audrey CornishLearn skills to manage whatever life throws our way!! | audrey-cornish |
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"According to research, one of the ways to manage imposter feelings is to explore the cognitive distortions that contribute to the negative emotions. Expert Jessica Vanderland, Ph.D a clinical psychologist. challenges individuals to examine the bigger picture and asked the question concerning what fact supports that you deserve to be in your role? Vanderland said, \"it can help to zoom out and consider how where you are now compares to where you were last year or five years ago.\" Vanderland recommended a simple exercise of exploring how you might help a friend who undermines their achievements and then apply the same supportive words to their your own narrative.",
"One of the ways to decrease nightmares is to document your dreams. In addition to keeping a dream journal, it's important to work with the content of the dream and revise the ending.It's important for you to work with a therapist that is trained in dream work. The researcher Montangero (2009) pointed out that in using the cognitive approach to dream analysis, the therapist follows the basic tenets of cognitive behavioral therapy and that they help the individual to enhance their cognitive skills in order to be able to alleviate their psychological distress .For example, in the treatment of nightmares one of the methods that is used with the cognitive approach is imagery rehearsal therapy. The basic premise of the approach is that those who have recurring nightmares and are experiencing insomnia, later come to understand that The insomnia is brought on by anxiety. Unlike cognitive experiential dream theory, the approach does not integrate other theoretical orientations.. The approach to nightmares and the treatment of them, is aligned with cognitive experiential dream approaches as the individual has the opportunity to revise their dream if they have an unpleasant dream. Although the scary dreams may not disappear altogether, they may lessen in frequency."
] | Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner | audrey-oneal-2 |
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"Since you have not had counseling for any of these issues, I would encourage you to do so. During your initial visit, a therapist will gather data about your presenting problem and symptoms, medical history, as well as any significant events that have occurred in your life such as abuse, parental separation or divorce and so forth. During the sessions, a competent therapist will ask you what issue you want to address first. Part of your treatment plan will not only include your diagnosis but also other areas of your life that need clinical attention and that can be considered additional stressors. During the sessions, you will most likely explore the sources of your depression and anxiety as well as your trauma history. Sexual abuse is often challenging to discuss particularly if you have never talked to anyone about it.However,if the therapist strives to create an emotionally safe environment, no matter how many issues you believe you have, you will feel supported to reveal your psychological distress layer by layer.",
"A feeling of emptiness can cause depleting emotions to emerge. It would be important to identify the sources of emptiness.You may want to try to tap into more regenerating emotions. For example, you might want to think about what brings you joy or situations in which you experienced gratitude. Practicing mindful breathing can also help you take your attention away from distressing feelings.",
"The sense of being worthless appears to certainly be a limiting belief about yourself that you have been cultivating. One way to transform a limiting belief to a more adaptive and empowering belief would be to explore if there exists any evidence to support the limiting belief about worthlessness. First list all of your personal strengths, or talk with a supportive friend who can give you feedback about the qualities you have that they love about you. You may soon discover that there is little evidence to support your limiting belief. You can also experiment with asking yourself- supposing I believed the opposite of my limiting belief? The theorist, Karen Horney used to say that each individual has a unique universal inner power which represents a fountain of the growth process. I encourage you to tap into that inner power and develop new, empowering ideas about who you truly are.",
"It is to your credit that you reached out for help on this platform. How to find someone to talk to would depend upon your lifestyle and worldview. Many people reach out to their faith community and others to friends, family, or seek help from a psychotherapist. If you live in a large, metropolitan area you will have an abundance of options. However, if you live in a more rural area, options might be limited. Broadly speaking, if you have health insurance, you can make an inquiry about providers who deliver psychotherapy in your local area. You might also try exploring profiles on Psychology Today to get a sense of therapists in your area available for a phone consultation. I wish you all the best in your search.",
"It appears to me that you feel as if you have sacrificed your dreams and aspirations when you assumed the roles of wife and mother. Many women place all their energies into raising a family but like you, believe they have not self- actualized in the process. Your efforts and devotion appear to have paid off as you now have a loving family! I would encourage you to explore your passions and hence find your identity apart from mothering.The reality is that parenting involves years of work as it takes 18 years to reach adulthood! Perhaps you can look forward to evolving with your children as you discover what else you would like to do with your life.",
"One of the ways a diagnosis is helpful has more to do with health providers having a \"common language\" with which to discuss their patients. Arriving at a diagnosis requires gathering quite a bit of data on an individual which includes observation. I would not recommend self-diagnosing as it could be challenging for an individual to be objective no matter how much research they have done. Further, I do not believe in pathologizing individuals nor would I recommend anyone pathologize themselves.",
"You are having thoughts of an existential nature. I am wondering what could be activating these thoughts.Your thoughts remind me of what St. Katherine ( a Catholic saint)said about living in the now as if we were already in eternity. When thoughts seem to be overwhelming, it could be a sign to take a different perspective, or use reframing which can help alleviate your anxiety.",
"It appears to me that you feel unmoored as a result of the break and the experience has triggered some self- doubt and anxiety. Your lack of self- belief seems to further propel you to seek validation from the person you are casually involved with. One of the ways to find peace within yourself could be to engage in life and find fulfillment in healthy experiences.. Theorist Karen Horney considered this approach a form of therapy. She taught that most individuals could thrive once their fears and anxieties had been alleviated. I hope that will practice self acceptance daily be using expressive writing to document the areas of your life you are thankful for and that bring you joy.",
"It's understandable that you would experience anxiety as your job involves a long commute away from home. One of the ways to cope with this situation might be to think about all the good that will come out of the sacrifice you are making to help support your family financially.There may be many other benefits you are drawing from working such as professional growth or other areas you can focus on. Doing a cost benefit analysis can also be helpful in identifying the advantages of this experience which may help decrease your worry. As a HeartMath Certified Practitioner, I would also recommend a deep breathing technique known as heart focused breathing. It is simple to do and will help you enjoy a sense of calm and ease whenever you feel you need it. All the very best to you. Just click here: Heart focused breathing",
"That is unfortunate that you are being verbally abused and that the experience not only impacts you, but also your children.It is understandable that you would be overwhelmed as the stress you experience may trigger depleting emotions. Author, Victor Frankel advised others that in difficult situations that one cannot control, it is best to focus on controlling one's reactions to the situation. One way to approach this may be to think about the good that may emerge from the situation regardless of how tough it is.",
"One of the ways that can help you practice acceptance of self is by using self-compassion. Researcher, Kristin Neff recommends that taking a daily self-compassion break can be beneficial in that it can transform harboring feelings of isolation such as those hating yourself , to an experience of connection. A self-compassion break consists of placing your hand over your heart and acknowledging that you are having a difficult time believing in yourself but that you recognize you are not alone as suffering is ubiquitous so you are connecting with the rest of humanity. You can then say encouraging words to yourself either silently or out loud such as \"May I be led every day to recognize my strengths and to love myself\" or \"May I find peace within myself and strengthen my self-belief.\" Apart from self-compassion, I would encourage you to keep a self-esteem journal in order to engage in expressive writing and write about your strengths so that you can start to build self-acceptance.",
"Just like when you were in school, mistakes are opportunities to learn and refine ourselves. Someone wise once said, mistakes are our teachers. None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes at one time or another. Don't be hard on yourself, and find a way to practice self-acceptance. Fallibility is part of being human.",
"It is understandable that you are questioning whether to trust your husband as you learned that he was involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister ,and you believe he hid the information from you for years. I am sensing that you believe he may still be involved with her as they work together and see each other daily.In our society, incest is considered a taboo, and this might clearly have been the reason he could not share it with you. In addition, it is not clear whether the incest emerged as part of experimentation,or whether it was a traumatic experience for both siblings in which one of them played the role of the malevolent perpetrator and the other the victim. In any case, there is complexity around the dynamics incest and it is often necessary for the individuals that participated in it to undergo a healing process. In like manner, it must have been distressing for you to uncover this event in your husband's life. You may need to explore these issues in couples counseling with a professional who has training and experience in the family dynamics around incest that can shed further light for you. I hope that through that process, you may be able to figure out what direction to take, in terms of whether to preserve your marriage or not.",
"The fact that he has several versions of the story, could indicate the presence of deception concerning the events that occurred.If he expressed that he may have had contact with a prostitute, there may be a likelihood he may have had sex, but you cannot be 100 percent certain. The suspicion alone would appear to be a source of distress for you. Having the STD screening will certainly be helpful in terms of your health since it appears that he may have been involved in an indiscretion that may also be interpreted as a breach of trust between you.",
"My condolences to you. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is certainly an emotionally devastating experience particularly in the early stages of grief. Healing from grief can include counseling, but also attending grief support groups can be helpful. Generally, there is no cost for attending a group apart from a voluntary donation.The universality of experience as well as the cohesion that happens between members contributes to healing in a significant way. During a pandemic, meetings may have been cancelled. However, you can also find support in attending online grief support groups. Compassionate Friends is an organization which helps families deal with the death of a child, but their website provides excellent resources for related groups you might want to explore that may lead you to an active online support group. All the best to you.",
"I doubt that they believe they are wrong as individuals with Narcissistic\nPersonality Disorder (NPD) have the belief that they are special and they seek admiration from others. They are also grandiose with a sense of entitlement. As they are also arrogant, it is doubtful they would feel wrong or admit to being wrong.As far as healing, I believe it could be hard won. Personality disorders are difficult to treat, However, there are some approaches that might yield better outcomes than others.I have never heard of ignoring them as a way to deal with a narcissist. Researcher and psychologist Bessel Van der Kolk recommended that using a person-centered approach in which\nunconditional positive regard is upheld can be helpful in the treatment of NPD as far therapeutic approaches are concerned. Approaches in which the individuals feels validated\nby their therapist usually works best with this population,if they agreed to participate in therapy. The nature of the disorder makes it tough for them to even be in therapy as it would be hard for them to admit they have psychological problems. They might also be distrustful of the therapist questioning their intentions and interpretations about them.They tend to behave this way with most of the people in their lives.",
"Broadly speaking, assessment tools are used to measure the symptoms related to a variety of disorders.Gathering patient data also includes doing an intake interview usually at the first session. The intake interview is a valuable tool as it leads the way to a diagnosis along with other collected information associated with personal history and the presenting problem. Although counselors work toward arriving at an accurate diagnosis, at the same time, they aspire to not pathologize clients.",
"The question about identifying the right therapist is a compelling one to be sure. The therapeutic relationship is based on trust and confidentiality is the cornerstone of the profession. Therefore, it is essential to seek a therapist who practices ethically, is empathetic, and has the capacity to be objective as well as non-judgmental. It is also important to seek a therapist who specializes in your particular issue and has clinical experience as well as a passion in striving for toward the best outcome. You will not need to train your therapist as a competent therapist will help you explore the sources of your distress, or limitations in your belief system and so forth. A competent therapist will be able to suggest a variety of treatment approaches and together you will decide which approach is best for you. However, you also have to decide what kind of therapist you envision being comfortable with. Some clients prefer a more directive approach and others a more collaborative one.Most therapists offer a consultation which is a good opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of the therapist's treatment approaches, training, credentials, style, ideas and so forth. You may be able to gauge from the consultation whether or not you are a good fit.",
"Counseling can be beneficial in many ways. For example, a counselor can help an individual identify the sources of their psychological distress and support them in using coping skills.In addition, counselors can collaborate with clients in developing a treatment plan that lays out goals and objectives to be realized during the process.The counselor's capacity to understand the underlying problems and also communicate the understanding to the client constitutes an important discussion to have that leads to helping the client alleviate symptoms.Most counselors use active listening and this intervention helps clients feel heard which in itself can be healing.",
"Although many clients have the capacity to be engaged in the therapeutic process and express their thoughts and feelings in an articulate way, others may demonstrate resistance to treatment which can manifest in ways such as reflecting the desire to end therapy prematurely, cancelling appointments, or arriving late. A resistant client can also make the process of the therapist engaging the client, challenging.Once the therapist identifies the resistance, it is essential for the therapist to address it with the the client and encourage the client to focus on the therapeutic goals.In my experience, I have observed that people have many reasons why they begin to show resistance. Some may believe the therapist is judgmental and they may not for one reason or another, feel emotionally safe with the therapist. Others may not feel comfortable talking about their feelings, and it may appear that they never developed a rapport with the therapist.Sometimes a person may harbor feelings of distrust, or dislike for the therapist which eventually creates barriers to good treatment outcomes."
] | Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner | audrey-oneal-3 |
[
"It's not unusual for traumatic experiences that happened when we were younger to stay with us when we get older. Traumatic experiences can become embedded in our bodies, as well as in our emotions. If the issue doesn't get a chance to get resolved within, then external action doesn't necessarily take care of the problem. Seek out a qualified trauma therapist so you can start to deal with the issues you're grappling with."
] | Barbara FerulloCounselor, LMHC | barbara-ferullo |
[
"From a behavioral standpoint you should refrain from punishing your son. Instead of utilizing punishment when he wets himself provide contingencies prior to any accidents. Sit down with your son and discuss the importance of utilizing the bathroom and responsibilities and inform him that if he chooses to wet his pants that his video games will not be available for use for him the next day(or your designated realistic time frame). This way if an accident occurs, no heated words have to be exchanged because you have already laid the ground work. Also allow him to clean up himself. Gather cleaning supplies and and oversee cleaning operations without ridicule or negative feedback. Since you have stated that you have an adolescent who is experiencing enuresis, you may want to check with your PCP and a licensed professional for underlying diagnosis that can be treated. You can also call a local behavioral analyst.",
"Hello Frostproof,Thinking about becoming transgender and being transgender are slightly different. This is a topic that is best discussed with a therapist that specializes in LGBTQ issues. From what you have written it sounds as if you still have some confusion as to where you fit in with the \"labeling system\". While labels provide a means to quickly identify and classify, they can also feel restrictive or confining. Instead of focusing on fitting into a specific classification, explore who you are as a person and celebrate your positive qualities and those things that make you uniquely you! There are many options for you to find a therapist and e-therapy is also an option. You can try Breakthrough an online service. Here is some reading for refection that you may find helpful. Yin Yang Woman Man http://dld.bz/ejVK2 What does it mean to be a woman or a man?",
"Hello Largo, This is a great question. There are several options when a therapist is transferring to a new practice. If the practice is in the same general area and the therapist does not have a non compete agreement they can let clients know where they are going. Generally if a therapist has a planned exit from an agency or practice they will inform their clients, and offer or provide transition sessions or suggest new therapist options. At times, unforeseen events arise and and there is no transition process with the therapist. While this situation is not ideal for any client, it does provide an opportunity to utilize learned coping strategies and resilience."
] | Barika Grayson LMHC, NCCLicensed Mental Health Counselor www.counselflorida.com | barika-grayson-lmhc-ncc |
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"It sounds like you are noticing that you are drawn towards sad and negative content and it's hard to understand why. This may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes we do things that on the surface may look problematic (or even cause us some real problems) because it serves us in some unseen way. A simple example would be somebody who is addicted to a substance; their addiction may be causing serious problems in their life, and they may even know it, but the addiction serves them by helping them to avoid painful feelings that they anticipate having if they quit using. Now I am not saying that what you describe is an addiction, it is just a really illustrative example of the unseen benefit.One thing I would be wondering about is what is the unseen benefit of seeking out sad and negative content? I'd also be wondering what your relationship is to other feelings. These are things you may benefit from exploring with a competent therapist.",
"First of all, I can tell that you really care about your friend and I think it's great that you are reaching out with your concern. It's hard to determine whether your friend would meet the criteria for an official diagnosis of depression without working with him, however, whether he does or not, therapy may be beneficial for him in working through these difficult feelings and relational challenges. Unfortunately, you can't make your friend get help. He will ultimately need to make that decision for himself, however, you can talk to him about your concerns and your hopes that he will reach out for help.",
"It sounds like you have been feeling pretty down, since the loss of a relationship, and you're wondering how to be happy by yourself. Intimacy is a very natural human desire and at the same time learning to enjoy ourselves, even when we are alone, can strengthen our ability to lead a satisfying life in and out of relationship. Working with a therapist, you may be able to gain insight into how you show up in your relationships with yourself and others and discover more fulfilling ways to do so.",
"As far as the formal diagnosis of depression goes, it would be hard to determine without more information. It sounds like you are noticing that there is a significant difference between how you are feeling on the inside and how you express yourself outwardly. Part of you is quite distressed and yet it remains invisible to the outside world, almost as if it is trapped inside of your body. Many people who are depressed experience such things as intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, difficulty expressing themselves, and bodily tension (caged animal?). In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what you are going through, the nature of the disconnect between you inner feelings and outer expression, and eventually gain relief from the distress as well as a greater sense of connection with yourself and personal freedom.",
"It sounds like you have been thinking about how past hurts have influenced you, and when you try to talk about these hurts with people in your life, you are feeling invalidated. It also sounds like current conflicts are continuing to leave you feeling hurt and devalued. In working with a therapist, you may be able to get some clarity about your past, who you are, and what kinds of boundaries you want in your relationships, so that you can lead a life that is more satisfying to you.",
"It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed and stuck between wanting to improve your work situation and worrying that you won't be able to. It is possible that the paralysis, uncertainty, and self-doubt that you describe are contributing to your difficulty in getting and maintaining a satisfying job as employers generally like to see that a potential employee is confident and can think on his or her feet. With a competent therapist, you may be able to get more understanding of the roots of these feelings and learn how to move forward in your search for a better work life in a way that leaves you feeling confident and capable.",
"It sounds like you are feeling pretty stuck, lonely, and hopeless; like you have a desire to be more connected to people and to find purpose in life, but are not sure what to do. I am glad to hear that you have at least one friend and I think it is great that you are reaching out for more connection. If you can, working with a therapist who is competent in treating depression may be a huge benefit to you and help you to regain a sense of meaning, motivation, and connection. Additionally, anything you can do to give yourself a little break from the feeling of pointlessness and any ruminating thoughts you may be having may be of help. I know it may sound pointless in the moment, and you may feel a great deal of inertia in doing so, but you may find that if you force yourself to do something small that is pleasurable, like taking a walk for example, there's a good chance you will be glad that you did so after the fact. Thank you for reaching out.",
"It's sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and are feeling very criticized by others as well. I think it is great that you are reaching out and I can tell that you want this to change. Working with a competent therapist may be a good option for getting some more clarity about what is going on, developing ways to cope, and eventually getting relief from these overwhelming experiences.",
"Deciding whether or not psychiatric medicine is a good option can be complicated, as you have noticed, and only a person who is licensed to prescribe can give you medical advice regarding medications. While there is sometimes relief from symptoms from medication, as you have pointed out, there are often negative side effects as well. While I can't give you advice on whether or not to continue medication, I would urge you to take an inventory of the positive and negative effects that you have noticed and educate yourself as much as possible about the short and long-term costs and benefits of psychiatric medication. If you can find a doctor, psychiatrist, or ARNP who is competent in mental health, it may also benefit you to consult with them.One thing that I am wondering about is, what is your support system like, in regards to your fight against depression? Are you seeing a therapist or attending any therapeutic or supportive group? While there are many things that one can do on their own to work through challenges such as depression, psychotherapy has been shown time and again in research to be highly effective and sometimes having a relationship with a caring, competent professional who understands depression and ways of helping can make a huge difference.",
"It sounds like you are feeling like things are hopeless and out of control and you're not sure what to do about it. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, together you may be able to come up with some strategies for alleviating the overwhelming distress that you are experiencing and gain some insight into what may be contributing to these challenges. Additionally, a therapist may be able to support you in getting back on your feet in regards to work, a place to live, and showing up with your partner in a way that will be more satisfying to you.",
"It sounds like you are feeling very unsure and out of place and the prospect of continuing to feel as you do now for the remainder of schooling seems daunting. Without getting to know more about you and your experiences here and at home, it is hard to say what you should do, however, I think exploring these things with a competent therapist may help you to discover the answer.",
"It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.",
"It sounds like you are having difficulty knowing if people are saying things to you, or if you only thought someone was talking to you, and this is anxiety producing. It's understandable that it could be confusing and/or a bit scary to be unsure if people are speaking to you or not. It's hard to say exactly what is going on from just this description, but if you can work with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what is happening, get clarity about your social interactions, and develop some ways to deal with the anxiety.",
"What you are describing sounds like it may be a form of dissociation. Dissociation is our mind's way of disconnecting us from aspects of our experience in an attempt to protect us in overwhelming situations. It also sounds like you are noticing anxiety in certain situations. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences, learn skills for coping with anxiety and reconnecting with yourself, and alleviate these symptoms over time.",
"There is no scientifically established formula for understanding dreams, that I know about, however, many people get a great deal of value from exploring what their dreams mean. It is believed by many that our dreams contain metaphors that represent meaningful patterns in our lives and relationships and if we pay attention to them we can learn important things about ourselves. One thing you might try, to see if you can get more insight into the dream and possibly begin remembering things, is to take note of whatever you do remember, any details about your experience, such as when do you wake up from the dream, how do you feel, both emotionally and physically, what are you thinking about when you wake up, is there any pattern in terms of what happens to you in your waking life around the time you have this dream... If you can keep a journal or a recording device to speak into by your bed, you can try to record whatever you do remember and notice as soon as you wake up. People seem to have more difficulty remembering dreams, the more time they let go by before attempting to record the dream, or if you go back to sleep before recording what you remember.",
"Individual and/or group therapy can be a powerful antidote for social anxiety. Often in therapy, the things that tend to get in the way of our securing satisfying and lasting personal relationships will appear in some way in the therapy relationship and a competent therapist will be able to help you work through this anxiety, in a sensitive way, and eventually encourage you to seek out the personal relationships that you want. In group therapy, you have an opportunity to have a relationship not only with the therapist, but several other people who are all in the group in order to give and receive mutual support to one another.",
"It sounds like a couple of things are going on here; you are noticing yourself feeling judged by the people around you and that you are avoiding social activities and in addition to this you have intrusive thoughts that you are being judged, even when alone. It sounds like these thoughts are pretty distressing and you are wondering what is happening to you. Many people who come to therapy experience intrusive and distressing thoughts of various kinds, which often influence their behavior in ways that they may not like, such as leading them to isolate. In therapy, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of your distress as well as learn ways to cope and eventually alleviate this distress so that you can have satisfaction and security in your life and relationships.",
"It sounds like you are noticing yourself becoming overwhelmed with anxiety, feeling more irritable, and struggling to sleep consistently. There are many possibilities, in regards to what may be contributing to these things you are noticing, and a competent therapist may be able to help. In therapy, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences as well as develop strategies for coping with and eventually alleviating anxiety, irritability, and inconsistent sleep.",
"It sounds like you have some insight into the cycle that you describe with your current relationship and at the same time you are still feeling stuck. It also sounds like the distressing feelings that you experience, when you imagine what will happen for you and your current partner, are pretty overwhelming. A competent therapist may be able to help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings and find a resolution to this cycle that will feel right to you.",
"If you are noticing that anxiety tends to be triggered around interactions with others, then you may have social anxiety. Working with a therapist, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of the anxiety, develop tools for coping with it, and take steps that may alleviate it over time, so that you can enjoy your interactions with others. If you are short on money, there still may be options for you to be able to see a therapist. Check with your insurance provider about your behavioral health coverage. If you have medicaid/apple care, there are some private practice therapists who accept this form of insurance, as well as community clinics which do. If you are not insured, some therapists and clinics will work on a sliding fee scale, and accept either low fee or may even work with you pro-bono (for free).",
"It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.",
"It sounds like you are feeling helpless and out of control, you are concerned about your behavior, and at the same time you feel compelled to continue it. In working with a therapist, you may be able to get insight into what is motivating these behaviors, develop strategies for taking care of yourself, and get a stronger sense of who you are motivated to be when you are your authentic self.",
"It sounds like you had a very confusing and painful experience in this relationship, and now you feel hesitant to let yourself get close to people. It is understandable that when we are hurt in relationships, we may have trouble trusting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.Therapy is a great place to explore the roots of present difficulties in relationships, to unpack what happened in prior relationships, and to find new ways to show up in relationships so that we can have the relaxed intimacy that we want. Often, relationship difficulties represent patterns of relating that we learn early in life which we may feel compelled to act on outside of our awareness and therapy provides an opportunity to become more aware of these patterns so that we can change them, enabling us to feel secure and to seek out satisfying companionship.",
"Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well.",
"First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.",
"Given your experience of being imposed upon against your will, and all the personal and professional loss that has come since, your fear of what will happen if you undergo treatment and trust a therapist is understandable. There is no technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away or be reversed, however, there are things that you can do which may help you to change your relationship to the thoughts and to the distress that they cause. I understand that working with a therapist sounds risky, given your experiences, and at the same time a good therapist may be a beneficial resource in helping you deal with the intrusive thoughts, cope with and alleviate the stress that they create, and perhaps even lead to the alleviation of the thoughts themselves. A therapist may also be able to help you discover strategies to work towards any goals you have around reconnecting with your children and working again. If therapy feels too unsafe at the moment, I would recommend looking into workbooks on how to deal with intrusive thoughts and coping with stress. Some popular approaches that you may want to look into are mindfulness techniques, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You may even be able to find some of these resources at a library, if affordability is an obstacle.",
"Anger is a natural and healthy emotion, however, it can be difficult to deal with if it becomes overwhelming and depending on what we have been taught about it and how to express it. A competent therapist may be able to help you figure out ways to relate to your anger and your mother that will feel right to you.",
"You’re noticing that as you lie down to go to sleep, there\nis quite a bit going on, which may be anxiety related. It sounds like the\ndreams and difficulty sleeping are reminiscent of previous experiences you had\naround the time of your break up, the difficulty with your father’s business,\nand your mother’s health issues. These connections to past events may be\nimportant insights to continue exploring in addition to finding out more about\nwhat your dreams may be trying to tell you. There is no exact science to\ndreams, but many people find it fruitful to explore the content as it relates to\nsignificant themes in their lives. I think that exploring these issues further with\na therapist could help you resolve whatever is causing you the stress, trouble sleeping, and frightening dreams.",
"First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your loss, which must be very painful. It sounds like in addition to the loss, you are also feeling invalidated by your parents and alone with your grief. Grieving is a very personal and sometimes complex process which many people are ill equipped to support us through. If you can get the support of a competent therapist, this may be quite valuable in helping work through this process.",
"It can be very difficult, when our parents do not approve of significant aspects of who we are. As children, we need our parents approval, and as adults, we often still desire it. Some things I am wondering about are, how do you feel about your sexuality and your relationship with your mother? Is there anything you would like to have different in your relationship with your mother? I don't know if these questions resonate with you or not, but if there are some conflicted feelings in regards to your mother, working with a competent therapist may be a good way of getting clarity about how you would like to move forward.",
"It sounds like you are feeling pretty criticized by your cousin and at the same time you are wondering whether or not there is some truth in what she is saying. It also sounds like you would like to see if you can find a new way to relate to your cousin, so that your relationship can be more satisfying. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, there may be a great deal of opportunity to learn more about how you relate to people in the world and to learn strategies to show up in your relationship with your cousin in a way that feels right to you.",
"It is completely understandable that you would like to find a way to make these intrusive thoughts go away, however, your feeling that you can't control having these thoughts is accurate. It's also understandable that you would feel helpless and guilty, given that you see how these thoughts are effecting your relationship, though I would encourage you to go easy on yourself and remember that you aren't choosing to have these thoughts. I'm sure that if there was a switch to turn them off, you would flip it.There is no magic technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away, however, therapy may still have a lot to offer. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into where these thoughts are coming from and develop new ways of relating to them so that they do not leave you feeling as helpless and guilty and can be more present with your partner. Though there is no guarantee that the thoughts will go away, this may also be a result of work with a therapist. Either way, you may be able to find a way to deal with the thoughts and show up in your relationship in a way that will be satisfying to you and your partner.",
"It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship with him as it currently stands? Are you happy with the boundaries between the two of you, or would you like them to be different? Negotiating through conflict and establishing different boundaries are definitely things you could work on with the help of a therapist. Another question I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out what motivates his behavior? Discovering the roots of such behavior is something that he would have to work on in his own therapy and not something that you and a therapist could discover without him.",
"It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of distress and you're wondering if it may meet a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. There are a few different types of Bipolar diagnoses in the DSM (diagnositc and statistical manual) and the best way to find out if your experiences would meet that diagnosis would be to meet with a mental health professional. You can also look up the diagnosis online and see if what you are going through meets the criteria.One question that I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out that you meet the criteria for such a diagnosis? It sounds like whether or not you do, you are suffering and working with a therapist may help you get into a better place.",
"It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others."
] | Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor | ben-braaksma |
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"Before I answer your question I want to cover some basics given that attempted suicide is very serious. I don't mean to scare you but I do want to be realistic with you. If a person attempts suicide once it is more likely they will try again. Men also succeed more often than women because they typically use a means that is more fatal. Here are some signs you can watch for:Threatening to hurt or kill himself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill himself; and or,Looking for ways to kill himself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means; and/or,Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary. Some other signs are:Increased substance (alcohol or drug) useNo reason for living; no sense of purpose in lifeAnxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all of the timeFeeling trapped – like there’s no way outHopelessnessWithdrawal from friends, family and societyRage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revengeActing reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinkingDramatic mood changesGiving away prized possessions or seeking long-term care for petsNow, in terms of ways you can help: 1. Ask if your husband is okay or if he is having thoughts of suicide2. Express your concern about what you are observing in his behavior3. Listen attentively and non-judgmentally4. Reflect what he shares and let him know that his is heard5. Tell him he is not alone6. Discuss treatments available that can help7. Guide them to additional professional help: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).A mental health professionalA hospital emergency departmentIf you are interested, I have more information on my website under \"Resources/Information\" and \"Suicide\". www.bbcounseling.net I wish you both the best!"
] | Beth Bickel | beth-bickel |
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"It sounds like you have been through a lot, but in therapy there's no such thing as too many issues. That's what it is there for. I want to normalize that a lot of people feel they are 'too much' but this isn't true. A lot of the issues you mentioned are interrelated and may be affecting the other. We are a whole person, and our physical health affects our mental health and vice versa. Sometimes when you work on one issue in therapy, it can help alleviate some of the other issues. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with all you have going on but a therapist can also help prioritize some of that and find goals to focus on.",
"Kids these days are facing a lot of pressure! Add to that COVID19 and pandemic related stress! Play therapy is a great way to learn coping skills and to help your daughter understand what she is going through. Usually there is an underlying issue that is bigger than something that seems silly on the surface. Remember what is silly to you may be a huge deal to her, so try re-stating and imagining how she may feel so she knows you care."
] | Bethany KelloggPlay Therapist | bethany-kellogg |
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"The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% \"there.\" What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of \"what already is\" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..",
"Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it."
] | Betsy SansbyWhen something needs to change | betsy-sansby-3 |
[
"Not possible! Your therapist will help you prioritize your treatment goals and often, those \"issues\" are intertwined and as you address one problem, another may resolve or become less problematic.",
"Telehealth has become very popular during the pandemic. One of the benefits of telehealth, is that you can see a therapist who may not be in your area at all (although depending on where you reside, they likely just need to be licensed in the state where you reside). Telehealth offers access to a much larger pool of mental health providers. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees (a reduced fee) for those who are unable to pay full rate.",
"I encourage you to look at two things - what you can do (behaviors) to better manage anxiety and how can you change your thoughts (cognitions) that likely exacerbate anxiety. Behaviorally, it may benefit you to create more structure and improve your organization and time management skills. That might include the use of a planner, a consistent sleep wake-cycle, exercise and movement, and prioritizing activities of self-care. The second component take a little more self-reflection. What are some of your thoughts that are problematic? For example, catastrophic thinking is common amongst people who struggle with anxiety. Those thoughts might sounds something like, \"This is the worst day ever.\" Now, perhaps it was the worst day ever, but more than likely it wasn't. More than likely, it was a difficult day or a stressful day. By correcting that thought from \"worst day\" to \"a tough day\" you bring the intensity of the anxiety down a notch. Making those kinds of corrections to your thinking throughout the day will help your anxiety feel less debilitating and more manageable.",
"Learning how to set healthy boundaries can be life changing! Assertiveness training will help you in all facets of your life. A therapist can help you figure out how much interaction is too much, how to say no and set healthy boundaries, and how to prioritize your needs so you don't become resentful or burned out."
] | Beverly PedrocheAccepting New Patients | beverly-pedroche |
[
"You have\n\nseveral things going on here. The sleep should be addressed with a primary care\n\nphysician to rule out any physical issues. Sleep is the big reset and allows us\n\nto function in the day. What happens during a depression is that our thoughts\n\nrace and it is as though our “brain won’t shut off.” Medication can help with\n\nthis. I also use a Pranayama yoga breathing technique called the four\n\nfold breath which has great usefulness for relaxing us and often does work quite well with allowing\n\nus to sleep.. You can read about it here: https://billleavitttherapy.com/breathing-techniques-the-four-fold-breath/Your\n\nthoughts on feeling worthless to everyone fall under a heading of thinking\n\nerror in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) known as overgeneralization. In CBT\n\nthoughts lead to emotions, so we are going to pick the statement apart and then\n\nreframe it. First list\n\nthe evidence that contradicts the thought. Has anyone in the past made positive\n\ncomments toward you? This might be hard to recall if we are in a rut, but at\n\nsome point in life we frequently have had some positives expressed towards us\n\nby others. “Everyone” is an absolute. The\n\nspecifics on why you are thinking this need to be addressed. How are you\n\narriving at this conclusion? There may be specific people that we want more\n\nvalidation from. Or specific people might have made offhand hurtful comments, (such\n\nas a family member, teacher or co-worker) but if I extrapolate that to a global\n\nand think that everyone thinks I am worthless, that thought is not rooted in\n\nfacts. \nWhat are\n\nthe Pros and Cons of thinking this way? What are the Benefits and Costs? There\n\nare very little pros or benefits to thinking this way. It’s just going to\n\ncontinue to tear you down and make you feel bad. So can we reframe the thought\n\nabout the situation? Is there another way of looking at the situation? Again,\n\nwe need the specifics on how you are arriving at this conclusion, and a one on\n\none therapist can definitely help you with this, but the thinking that you are\n\nusing to arrive at the conclusion needs to be re-cast into a more helpful\n\nmindset."
] | Bill LeavittOffering you help in dealing with Anxiety, Stress and Depression | bill-leavitt |
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