Datasets:
Tasks:
Automatic Speech Recognition
Formats:
parquet
Languages:
English
Size:
< 1K
Tags:
Audio Recordings
Speech-to-Text
Psychiatry
Doctor-Patient Conversations
Patient-provider Conversations
Enacted Conversations
License:
id
stringclasses 5
values | audio_sample
audioduration (s) 120
120
| transcript
sequence |
|---|---|---|
D0420.S4.T01 | {
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"dialogue": [
[
"Hi, how are you today?"
],
[
"I figured you were running late."
],
[
"I just had to run for something quick.",
"Sorry about that."
],
[
"It's chilly out.",
"I didn't get coffee.",
"So if I seem slow and unable to think I have closing today."
],
[
"Oh good."
],
[
"Which I've gone to squeeze.",
"I just got another day with all kinds of stuff.",
"It kind of stresses me out to have to have things all lined up throughout the day.",
"The club got to meet Jess's mom to put the carseat in the car so she can go pick up Lucille.",
"She wants to take Ian.",
"So it's not a shocking for Lucille.",
"So they need both car seats.",
"Then I've got to go back and get eaten for Cub Scouts.",
"It's the big pack meeting.",
"I've never been to a pack meeting.",
"So I don't know what we're going to do there and sleeping over."
],
[
"Are you like a den.",
"Or something or you just going?"
],
[
"No, I'm just a dull in the Cub Scouts.",
"You've got to go with your kid.",
"You don't just drop them off which I imagine.",
"Maybe the older kids just get dropped off.",
"I don't know.",
"It's going good.",
"I tell you how I lost my bedroom."
],
[
"Yes."
],
[
"He's going to sleep in my bed tonight.",
"He's going to learn to skate tomorrow.",
"It's going through March that seems like an awful long time to teach kids to ski, I would think that at some point they give them a stick and a puck and I don't know.",
"So I got to do that.",
"Tomorrow is Cub Scouts are visiting a fire station at 10 meet.",
"I really got the winner's share of the farm all male players on my team are going out Saturday night and Sunday.",
"I have a football game."
],
[
"What are you going to do with all your free time?"
],
[
"Well, hopefully and we'll go to bed early Sunday morning.",
"I'll probably end up sleeping late.",
"I'll probably be a little hung over.",
"The whole thing just makes me anxious.",
"I don't know if it's just the closing that makes me anxious or if it's having all of these things to do at a week.",
"Of a week of a kind of coming home and just doing titles and working from home.",
"I've been going to the office but going home in the afternoon.",
"There's no real pressure or stress on me to get things done or should I have got I mean I have got plenty of time.",
"I've already got.",
"I had to order an uploaded updated playoff.",
"So I've been waiting on that.",
"I want to tell dr. Micah on Tuesday apps for she was cutting back my well room.",
"And then in the very end, she asked me are you depressed and I go a little bit she was like, oh, we don't want to go down on the Wellborn if you're depressed, so I have to lie to her next time.",
"No, I'm not depressed.",
"I'm feeling great."
],
[
"You want to go down and I guess your concern is making you more anxious.",
"Could you tell her that that that's more of an issue than your depression?"
],
[
"I just wake up.",
"I see you're after Thanksgiving."
],
[
"I don't know.",
"It seems to me sort of characteristic that the actual story is a perfect perfectly reasonable story, but you're thinking you'd better tell her a different story because somehow that seems more like it could get you what you want.",
"Even though the actual story is like I said, not only pretty reasonable but would serve you just as well."
],
[
"I'll try it then.",
"I'm glad you're picking up on these things."
],
[
"Good."
],
[
"I couldn't remember.",
"She said to go up on the Prozac and I can't remember if she told me not to go up on the Prozac but I'm going up on it.",
"Anyways now taking 25mg of the laundry.",
"a lot of my green in the morning"
],
[
"What's that?"
],
[
"the West series cast"
],
[
"Less than or more."
],
[
"more so I'm taking a hundred at night and 25 in the morning.",
"I think she's trying to get me on that and the Prozac and that's it.",
"Maybe the copper play.",
"I don't know as needed which is all the time.",
"I don't seem anxious when I go to bed because I fall asleep on the couch and I wake up all discombobulated."
],
[
"Good.",
"I mean not the discombobulated part, but"
],
[
"But not being anxious.",
"Yeah."
],
[
"and it sounds like it has something to do with having all this stuff to do I guess my impression is that most of it isn't stuff that and itself is hard or worrisome in terms of what it involves more like things have kind of got to go right?",
"You're not going to have a lot of time to be worried or be down or be distracted.",
"So maybe you're kind of worried of what will happen if you're feeling one of those ways."
],
[
"Or just if there is some pick up somewhere.",
"I'm always wary of hiccups, you know, like they just forgot to get a baby at banks.",
"Are they going to be able to get a big truck?",
"They've got to bring like 6,000 closing?",
"So is she going to have time to do that?",
"Maybe she will maybe she won't I don't know.",
"I'm not going to risk.",
"The of a personal check for $6,000.",
"I guess you have to",
"the only way to be safe on a deposit in 10 days is 10 days."
],
[
"Oh, really?"
],
[
"Yeah, I guess maybe at that point.",
"You can't dispute it against another bank."
],
[
"You mean if it hasn't been returned in 10 days, it's good."
],
[
"Right.",
"So Bank of America.",
"If you depart deposit large amounts of money will hold it for 10 days, which I tell people they should get it get wire first.",
"I tell them they shouldn't do Bank of America, but they should do they should get the money wired because the bank takes too long.",
"I didn't have anyone to go to the game.",
"So I sent out an email.",
"I'm now going to get now getting all of these emails.",
"Is it time are we done?"
],
[
"Not yet."
],
[
"There was a lot of traffic to"
],
[
"Does this feel like just something else you just had to do this morning?"
],
[
"No, not really.",
"It's like I did some work this morning taking a shower.",
"I don't know why I just always feel is a chore, but I had to take one today after two weeks.",
"I'm going to take a shower.",
"I need a haircut.",
"I should have gotten one today.",
"I always by Supercuts I think.",
"You get a $100 haircut."
],
[
"It's $50, I think."
],
[
"is Ghana"
],
[
"Just after my pilates class."
],
[
"it's always a roll of the dice.",
"When you go to Supercuts.",
"You never know.",
"If you're going to get shockingly.",
"My hair is not easy to 10.",
"They're afraid of me being bald and then on the top if it's too short, it sticks straight up.",
"I'm like just cut it short it will grow back.",
"It saves me money because it's the less.",
"I have to get my haircut cut it short.",
"I'll let it grow long.",
"A girl like 4 times a year.",
"The break defends on the year.",
"I was hoping we were somehow going to avoid and playing hockey.",
"It's just very expensive.",
"You've got to buy him equipment every year they can get used equipment but there weren't any used helmets had to buy a new helmet just bought them.",
"So I don't care as much at some point it gets expensive.",
"It should be entertaining though him learning to skate falling over all over the place those little kids he hasn't signed up.",
"So I'm anxious about that.",
"I forgot to sign him up and we're bringing the check."
],
[
"Where is it?"
],
[
"You know the one you know where the YMCA YMCA is there is a rank two blocks from the house.",
"He's already been to the Firehouse but"
],
[
"Can't take too many trips to the Firehouse."
],
[
"I guess not this Cub Scout stuff is kind of frequent.",
"There's a lots of things to do.",
"There's another meeting.",
"There's a dead meaning.",
"I'm trying to get all straight between dens last pass."
],
[
"He is a busy fellow."
],
[
"Yes."
],
[
"soccer and hockey and Cub Scouts"
],
[
"stalkers gone"
],
[
"right"
],
[
"but yeah, he's got a lot of energy, you know, if he just sit around the house.",
"He just bounces he doesn't do it when he comes over to my place.",
"He just kind of sits things out and watches cheap we go out to dinner and his mellow but when he's home with Jesse pushes her out a lot more than he pushes me and talk to you doesn't really push me at all."
],
[
"In what ways does he pressure?"
],
[
"Just not listening."
],
[
"bouncing around not listening"
],
[
"Don't bring stuff in here and he brings the food in here.",
"Don't bring food in here and he brings the food in here."
],
[
"up on the couch."
],
[
"Right, so I don't know why he acts really different with me just probably because he's around her enough that he knows her buns.",
"He hasn't figured out mine yet or maybe Sears me I took a.m."
],
[
"You know there could be any number of reasons.",
"I don't think that it's that he's not around you enough not to know your buns.",
"He would learn those pretty fast."
],
[
"When he does come over and he does spend a lot of time downstairs running around so he gets a lot of his energy out there so loud."
],
[
"I don't know.",
"I'm very much speculating here, but it sounds like Jesse's sort of on him a fair amount and worried about him a lot and he could be kind of pushing back."
],
[
"That's probably it.",
"It sounds more like Jess."
],
[
"That's why I'm careful to say that I don't really know but he just doesn't do the same thing with you.",
"There could be some of that on his side to where he feels a little meteor for her in a way, you know, Mom comforting stuff like that.",
"He kind of gives her a hard time because of that which sometimes kids do"
],
[
"Or is it just trying to get attention?"
],
[
"Maybe it's to compete more was Lucille if it's around her sure."
],
[
"easiest to me ignoring him"
],
[
"No, it's probably not that I mean, I don't know how much you ignore him, but it's not something kids get used to."
],
[
"I don't know him that much.",
"Yes, so many damned questions."
],
[
"He sounds like a very energetic vigorous curious active kid."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"That's great.",
"I mean it's especially tough for the people who have to look after him all the time.",
"I mean, those are very nice qualities.",
"I'm not saying it's not the easiest one for you, but it's pretty nice."
],
[
"It'll be interesting.",
"He doesn't seem I don't know he's kind of skinny.",
"So it's like I don't know how he would get do getting banged around in hockey when they're little they don't go flying into each other.",
"They just kind of bingen to each other and fall down.",
"They don't know what they're doing unless they have another brother and then they dominate I noticed that with soccer all the kids with all her brothers were much better.",
"I had a kid who scored 7 goals who had all who has two older brothers."
],
[
"They play with them more and they have to play up to their brothers."
],
[
"Like Lucille when she starts soccer, she'll be much better than one even started because she already been kicking around a ball Lucille's another year-and-a-half.",
"It will be two and a half years before she can play instead of being cranky sitting in our little stroller at some point.",
"She'll become more wanting to play and run around.",
"She does that sum to but sometimes she just wants to sit in the stroller and being cranky.",
"She doesn't want anyting else starts early.",
"You'll see you see you're choosing your words carefully."
],
[
"how to respond to that one"
],
[
"Are you coffee?",
"I'll go home to make coffee.",
"It's such a pain though.",
"Go home the three or four minutes.",
"It takes it takes a while.",
"You got to go you got to wash the pot out empty the thing put in the filter and put the coffee in.",
"I don't know why he's a little things in life should just get in my way the hiccups.",
"I wonder if Lucille is going to go with her grandmother when she picks her up today."
],
[
"You mean she might get cranky?"
],
[
"I'm hoping I'll be upset if she doesn't.",
"She doesn't go Mama Mama Mama Mama stand up in the car seat and go no."
],
[
"Is that what she does?"
],
[
"That's what you did to me."
],
[
"Wow."
],
[
"I do not want to go with me when we got home.",
"She literally stood in the driveway was going Mama Mama Mama Mama.",
"Don't you want to play she went mama mama mama, so I just sat down and waited it out.",
"Luckily just was only 10 minutes."
],
[
"It's hard being the daddy."
],
[
"Yeah, she doesn't see me often enough."
],
[
"How often do you see her?"
],
[
"I haven't seen her since Saturday."
],
[
"once or twice a week"
],
[
"Yeah, and I always for long periods of time.",
"Sometimes she won't interact with me if she's cranky.",
"There should be a coffee shop in this little square.",
"You can never have too too many coffee shops at some point.",
"I'm supposed to feed him."
],
[
"You're going to need to feed him I think."
],
[
"I got to figure out what to do.",
"It's such a pain in the ass."
],
[
"We should stop for now.",
"I'll see you on Tuesday next week, but I'm out on Friday."
],
[
"Okay, that's right next week.",
"I hope you weren't worried.",
"That I do it enough."
],
[
"No, you did that often."
]
]
} |
|
D0421.S1.T05 | {
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"dialogue": [
[
"Good morning."
],
[
"Good morning.",
"I had a good day yesterday.",
"It was feeling like spring maybe one day.",
"It's feeling like spring but you know good enough.",
"So I took the kids out to the playground.",
"And they started packing her me thinks that moving could be really good.",
"I don't know.",
"back to waiting and seeing",
"I don't know enough what the options are.",
"It occurred to me this morning that even if I had stayed at Brown and James had moved us here.",
"We would still be in this position at this point where I really didn't want to do a postdoc.",
"So I guess it's a little bit reassuring.",
"It would still be tough right now.",
"We are supposed to go to this party with most of James's friends grad school were in the Denver area this weekend.",
"Our car is still not running.",
"So I don't know.",
"I think there's a commuter rail we can take but it's like an hour's Drive Away by the commuter rail."
],
[
"It's out in."
],
[
"Outwest.",
"It's way out west onto I don't know.",
"I don't know but I did find out that Monica only wants me to come in for a couple 3 hours on Friday if that so that would be nice.",
"I have a tough time with the people from James is grad school program.",
"It's just always sort of stressful.",
"I like them.",
"They're fine.",
"We're just really different from me.",
"Then I think well, they're also really different from James.",
"I don't know.",
"I think that was one of the things that was tough for James in Ohio get trouble finding people to talk to which is why it was so great.",
"When his friend from undergrad Tony and his wife Carrie were there because Cody is a poet he could talk to him.",
"How do you sort of crazy in some ways I can never tell whether he believes ideas.",
"He's putting out there or whether it's more that he thinks the world would be more fun if it were true.",
"And so he's just sort of hoping that they're true.",
"I don't know.",
"I don't much easier time finding friends than James does and I don't know whether that's because I am I don't know better at finding people or less picky about the people that I want to be friends with or whether it's because I'm just positioned right in a way that James is not",
"I don't know if the types of people who tend to do graduate degrees in chemistry are all that different from the types of people who tend to do graduate degrees in theology.",
"It's not a difference.",
"What I don't know if we did move.",
"This will be the first time that I moved to a new city where I didn't know anybody or didn't know more than a couple of people and wasn't already in some sort of graduate program or workplace or something to Anchor me.",
"It doesn't make me anxious, but I feel like maybe it ought to.",
"I think that that could go really badly, but I can't get worried about that.",
"I don't know.",
"Even with knowing so many people it hasn't really kept me from being really lonely here.",
"It's a weird thing one day.",
"I'll be talking to James about it or thinking about it and be like yeah.",
"Yeah, let's go somewhere else.",
"Let's find a new place and see what the options are.",
"There's almost no where else in the country where my skills would be less valuable than they are here in terms of there being a critical mass of people with a Humanities degree here."
],
[
"I see."
],
[
"There are a lot of people who are brown educated in some of your discipline here just a lot of them and it's really fun.",
"But it also means that finding a job is that much harder and that's not going to be the case in other places.",
"I feel like there's almost no situation.",
"That would not be better for James than what we were in now.",
"It makes a huge difference in my life when he's doing.",
"Well when I'm not the only person that he has to talk to about interesting.",
"Things like this is for us.",
"Some days, I think that and then other days is just like Terror yesterday was sort of the ladder and today is sort of the former and I don't know.",
"obviously you coming to that but it's not clear to me how"
],
[
"One thing that accursed me is your feeling relatively well good.",
"I guess like yesterday the other day and stay and it's like you don't need me in the same way if you're feeling good."
],
[
"yeah.",
"It's hard to make decisions across emotional states.",
"I always wonder whether everyone is like this like the whole landscape changes on your having a bad day or when you're having a good day.",
"I imagine if I think about it most things are spectrum and blah blah blah.",
"I don't know."
],
[
"I think that's a little more for you.",
"Not then for everybody but more than for most people."
],
[
"Thanks.",
"Yeah, it's certainly not the case for James and it certainly like every once in a while.",
"We'll have an explicit conversation about it.",
"We're all say James.",
"This is how I work when I'm having a good day.",
"It looks really different than when I'm having a bad day.",
"I can't see anything outside of my emotions.",
"I think it makes things very confusing for him.",
"It makes things very confusing for me also at times.",
"Oh, well, I feel like if I can tell something and get other people to help remind me of that.",
"Maybe it won't matter so much that I can't remember it myself."
],
[
"I guess part of it is that it's not just that it's different I think but that less now but still to some extent without realizing it you lose touch with what it's really like the other way."
],
[
"yeah I feel like the extent to which I have sort of changed that has been more like remembering that I lose touch and actually not losing touch and that's even not that great",
"so it's like in the last couple to three weeks even I'll be like in this awful place just totally miserable and desperate and kind of crazy making and then I go to do something usually with something for church and acts like I'm okay and after about a half-hour somebody will ask how are you doing and I'll be like Oh I'm great and it's not like I'm lying I believe it but it's just like at that moment I'm only thinking about the part of my life that is right here right now which means that I'm having an interesting conversation or I'm doing okay",
"Sometimes I feel like it helps me survive again helps me get through those really bad times.",
"It's weird.",
"I feel like it's impossible for me to be honest in some ways.",
"If I say actually I'm not doing so well that is true with regards to the macro state, but it doesn't actually reflect what's going on in that moment.",
"If I say I'm doing great and that reflects what's going on in the moment, but it's a very small moment compared to what's really happening.",
"I wonder when people stop believing what I say.",
"It was as pretty Facebook conversation last night about deaf children and Cochlear implants a bad choice and all of that.",
"I don't know if it was talking like people clearly didn't know very many deaf people or weren't in touch with that Community because it was very why would you ever",
"Not give your child a chance to hear.",
"That is an incredibly cruel and a terrible Choice.",
"Yes language is culture and that would be bad if that were lost.",
"But no really it's more important to be hearing.",
"I don't know what I think about that but it's not really important.",
"Joanne is a interpreter and she's really involved with the deaf community and used to teach primary school kids who are deaf.",
"So she's pretty anti cochlear implant and pretty firmly an advocate for the deaf community.",
"I was sort of seeing both sides of it and I guess I was just thinking about how you don't see what is outside your experience.",
"People say why do parents choose not to give their children a chance of having a whole other sense?",
"Well, they don't have it and they like their life and they don't know in some instances.",
"They can't know what they're missing and also people who have that extra sense can't know what they're missing by having it."
],
[
"I follow like the people in the conversation yesterday on Facebook or sort of making these comments and judgments very much within their own worldview without necessarily realizing how much they are in their own worldview.",
"There is kind of another side."
],
[
"Yeah, and since it's about perception, it's been nice link to the conversation to be having.",
"I was reading a poem called Monet refuses the operation.",
"It was about the painter describing it took me 55 years to learn how to see like this and now you want to fix my eyes.",
"What is a nice poem?",
"I guess I was just thinking how it was relatively recent that it occurred to me that other people might not work like this like these so controlled by their emotional states like half the landscape be so dependent on emotions.",
"Maybe everyone else is like that just in different ways and I don't know.",
"I just feel like people who say their judgments are wholly dependent on their emotional state are mostly full of bullshit.",
"My favorite Old Testament scholar gave a lecture on Saturday in the line.",
"I really liked was up until about the mid-twentieth century scholarship was all about objectivity.",
"And that was the gold standard of objectivity.",
"and then we eventually just realized an objective it e",
"was just white male experience.",
"That was nice.",
"You would think that I was going somewhere but",
"I know this is how Amanda works so that also makes it hard.",
"She is much more polarity than I do in some ways.",
"So I feel like sometimes I talk to her from time to time and it will be like she just has had this completely different idea of what her life looks like in one conversation then a week later.",
"That I get but I feel like sometimes were just really far separated.",
"So when we try to talk, I just don't know what she's saying at all.",
"Sometimes we're really there together and sometimes we just can't even talk.",
"Part of me wants to be like, is there a diagnosis for that and part of me is like I don't think it really matters that much.",
"I don't know which of those I actually want to clean this my opinion.",
"I feel like I know which of those you would fall on butt."
],
[
"You mean?"
],
[
"Your approach tends to be like I don't think that matters all that much.",
"It's funny talking with people in the hospital people get very attached their diagnosis.",
"I think I only noticed that because I don't have one in the same way.",
"I don't think I'm really expecting you to weigh in on this much.",
"I feel like sometimes when I talk about stuff.",
"I really want you to say something about it or speak from experience, but I don't really feel like that's the case right now."
],
[
"Sometimes it is true because I do think there are times that it can be helpful to have one formal given diagnosis or informally something about depending on what the Dynamics are having the sense of part of what you're finding with me is that there are with the people hide behind that or use it to move away from what their experience actually is another words what I mean is depression is not very descriptive compared to something like paranoid schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder those things seem more descriptive than things like depression or generalized anxiety."
],
[
"I think that depression is about as useful a description as fever in some ways."
],
[
"Yes, where is I do think that something like paranoid schizophrenia or disorder are a little more useful.",
"I think it doesn't say a lot about who the person is."
],
[
"The one thing that I've been I've seen in talking to people who have a bipolar diagnosis, it is clear that that is a really useful thing for them to know about themselves."
],
[
"Absolutely particularly bipolar one, it looks pretty biological in the sense that for some people bipolar is affected a lot by what is going on in their environment for other people.",
"It just isn't and for those people it's really good to know."
],
[
"I was just thinking about Amanda.",
"I feel like from where I said, it looks to me a lot like she is bipolar 2 and she doesn't want to be involved in mental Healthcare.",
"Basically.",
"She doesn't want to take meds and okay.",
"I don't know.",
"I wonder how her life would be different if she were not making that choice."
],
[
"Like if she were getting treated and thinking more of herself in those terms stuff like that."
],
[
"Yes, I don't know if it would be better.",
"It would be different.",
"I think it might be better."
],
[
"might not"
],
[
"She's had some really bad therapist.",
"So I did so"
],
[
"Another thing it seems to be where we're at with some of this in a way.",
"I'm quite sure what to make of or what to do with how to think about when you're feeling more this way the way you are today.",
"Well not in my mind because it's feeling better per se but I guess for reasons that at least to me so far are not entirely clear maybe because you're feeling kind of strong I think."
],
[
"Like I don't swing by lently in this direction so much as I just saunter over there."
],
[
"When you're this way at least me it doesn't seem like your kind of has possessed by the things that you feel or perhaps.",
"You don't know what those things are.",
"You're talking about how it might be really nice to me, but I'm not really sure why it's not that I don't believe you but I don't know what you really have in mind about the changes.",
"I guess you mentioned that it might be easier to get a job, but I don't expect that's all what you meant.",
"You said it would be better for James.",
"Although again.",
"I'm not sure why and I can certainly see how if it would be better for him.",
"It would also be better for you seem somehow.",
"It's a little less clear to me so far."
],
[
"In some ways.",
"I feel like what I'm doing.",
"Well, it's very common for me to want to be doing something else to be like I want to explore I want to go someplace else and see what else is out there.",
"I also think it would be nice to be closer to family like it would be nice to be back in San Antonio.",
"It's like I can remember other times when I was happy and the physical location of those times.",
"So I guess that's less exploring and more like I want to go back there.",
"I can't remember what it was like to live in San Antonio when I'm depressed because I remember that it's being really happy so it doesn't",
"I feel like it's less important for me to tell you about it when I'm doing better.",
"Like when I sat A desperate I described it constantly inside my head if I'm really down.",
"I'll often try to think how I would tell somebody about it.",
"What would I say?",
"I feel less urgent.",
"Which is a little depressing in itself."
],
[
"Are you thinking that it seems a little less self-reflective or more bland or something?"
],
[
"I just think it's a little depressing and that what I feel is so urgent for me to put out in the world is all the worst stuff that happens that is inside me.",
"The good things seem less important to spread around and I don't know.",
"I don't really think I'm comfortable with that idea.",
"I guess I also feel like everyone would understand what it feels like to be doing pretty well and enjoying my job."
],
[
"To me, it seems like you don't need as much help hearing those things or maybe any by contrast.",
"I guess I can also see you in a way how you were feeling like being well if I'm thinking about how to tell people about this is because I want to spread it out into the world or but these bad things out there in the world.",
"Do you know what I mean?"
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"More something like you're looking for some help with how bad you feel."
],
[
"I was talking to Camilla about how I was feeling pretty bad Sunday, and I said something I said.",
"I think I said that I don't understand how Denver hasn't been swallowed up in earthquakes with how sad I feel she was like that really sucks.",
"That was really pretty.",
"Thanks.",
"The thing is I feel so bad about putting things on people.",
"I want to find a way to make it bearable for them."
],
[
"We should stop for now."
]
]
} |
|
D0422.S1.T02 | {
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"dialogue": [
[
"Good morning."
],
[
"Morning, I'm at a loss as to what to talk about again.",
"Although I think in a better way this week in general.",
"I feel better this week than I have for the last couple of weeks.",
"That is a good thing.",
"The classes are not immediately obvious, but I think some of it feeling like I have been telling people that I'm upset and trying to deal with that in I guess different drugs fashion.",
"I don't know.",
"Yeah, I'm not sure where to begin.",
"So it's a strange thing, not know what I'm asking to consult with you on but that's where I am."
],
[
"I don't think of it as a session to session but I think of it as what you framed what your are asking for cans consultation on this is part of the process."
],
[
"Okay.",
"Well, thanks.",
"That's helpful.",
"Yeah, sometimes I'm not sure what what thread is important to pick up this week.",
"I guess my parents are coming to visit this weekend.",
"It's probably a good thing.",
"We have a very small apartment.",
"So I'm concerned about hosting my parents in our tiny apartment.",
"It's they have a house that's large enough for 7 people that live in and our use it.",
"Are you living in that space and it's a different thing."
],
[
"I may have come to visit before."
],
[
"I didn't tell him visited me since I was in college in Texas, so it's an interesting and different thing.",
"I was in Ohio for 4 years and after a couple of years, my mother decided that she might want to visit instead of just me coming back to visit which in a lot of ways made more sense me visiting home because the rest of my family is there it's one person far away and six people relatively close the direction of travel make sense for me to be going back home.",
"But that's what my mother decided she wanted to know what I was doing and was curious where I was and all of them know here in Andover that's not really going to happen because I was doing all the actual work.",
"Now I'm sitting here.",
"So I was thinking about how good a question that was that you asked.",
"It seems to get you a lot of issue.",
"I think they haven't visited before and so to a large extent.",
"I have no idea what to expect.",
"I think we discussed that generate some anxiety for me."
],
[
"Is it anxiety that there are particular scenarios you're worried about or is it just sort of really Amorphis?"
],
[
"I think it's generalized.",
"It's no particular thing that I'm worried about other than there's no particular thing.",
"I'm worried about.",
"Just a general feeling of unease about it.",
"I think there's a sort of a sense of Hosting responsibilities hosting then that comes with sir and sort of make sure everyone has a good time sort of goals or requirements or something.",
"I'm not particularly clear how to do that in this context.",
"Not that my parents are hard to please.",
"That's the silly part of it.",
"It's like the ridiculously easy going for the most part and if they're bothered they are not going to tell me so it'll be okay.",
"And they're coming explicitly to see us and to like help the care of us in this difficult time.",
"So it's",
"so I think that's going to be okay.",
"Over the weekend and I guess until Monday 20th seem to be getting a little more sad and sleeping more and kind of strange and I found out Monday that she had run out her Synthroid or synthetic thyroid hormone.",
"I think I think I stopped taking it Friday or before so why do I don't know or think that that is like a primary driver of her depression and just all of the turmoil or the last couple of years.",
"She didn't have a greater and part of her thyroid removed and has been doing thyroid suppression therapy since about the time we got married so it fits right into the same time under as everything else."
],
[
"I guess me one of the major symptoms of hypothyroidism is increased anxiety and one of the major symptoms of hypothyroidism is tiredness and depression for a while.",
"I didn't remember if I told you this but a while she hadn't had the thyroid nodes checked in months and finally did get them checked when she had hyperthyroid numbers, which is a result of essentially taking too much of her thyroid medication.",
"She got that adjusted and has been a less anxious in the intervening time.",
"But this is sort of a I can pick out a signal it's not clear if there is any meaning to the signal like there are so many things going on in our lives and that's not necessarily it's not even clear.",
"There's a correlation if there were it would not be sufficient evidence for any more causative role, but it seems to me like one has a mood regulating gland keeping the dosage of replacement hormone for that glass table is probably a good idea when one already has difficulty regulating mood so"
],
[
"This is one of the things where we talked about some we talked some about my difficulty difficulty with what is she responsible for and what is she not?",
"This is the thing that I feel like she is a very responsible for and that is like perfectly under control you go to the doctor you get things checked you take the medication until you just take maybe think about it a little bit and assess whether you're doing reasonable things with your treatment in that regard and make sure that he stays stable.",
"That's it.",
"And that's the thing that she's done fantastically poorly at and just continue to do poorly at in some sense.",
"Like I don't know whether she does not understand that after 3 days.",
"She only has only 70% or less of the thyroid hormone in her system or what?"
],
[
"Did you ask her?"
],
[
"No, because she already feels guilty about not having gotten the medication and so like I intend to ask her but the problem with exponential decay is like impulse treatment.",
"It's easy to drop off very quickly after a week.",
"She would have half or less of the hormone and her sister but it takes a long time to build back up.",
"And so if this is actually contributing factor talking about it particular when I'm kind of angry about the fact that she has failed to do this simple thing again, because we've talked about getting her thyroid medication before we talked about how I went and got her thyroid medication like three months ago because she didn't have it is not seem like a good idea at the time so seem like not an important issue to confront in this specific moment because she was already going to get it and that day"
],
[
"So that was Monday so you didn't find out that she wasn't taking it."
],
[
"Until she I found out she wasn't getting any so it wasn't I did not need to do anything to get her to get it.",
"It was just a why on Earth have you not been doing this?",
"And I don't understand how one feels to do errands like sometimes you get busy.",
"Sometimes you don't feel like doing whatever particular are and I get that but this is not an errand of the same magnitude as getting butter or something."
],
[
"That is if you really need butter.",
"That policy."
],
[
"Fair enough.",
"There's also something which I don't like.",
"Yes.",
"This is the thing.",
"She's failed to do several times.",
"She doesn't remember all the other times.",
"She's failed to do they at least nine.",
"Sorry, I wasn't",
"Yes is the things she's failed to do several times.",
"She doesn't remember all other times.",
"She's failed to do it.",
"At least not in the last several months.",
"So like me being upset about this as part of a trend is not useful or perhaps not even a fair thing.",
"It's certainly not a thing that I think it's worth bringing to the discussion to have in an emotional sense enough actual sense.",
"It is important to know that is the recurring problem, and maybe we need a different solution then wait until you have run out and get a few days later.",
"Bye."
],
[
"There are a couple questions that I have one is what are you worried about in sort of staying in the moment when you're not feeling upset about something like this."
],
[
"I mean we talked since when Tony was here that she has a hard time handling me being upset.",
"And so like I am concerned that me being angry is going to impact or negatively but in a dangerous way."
],
[
"Is the dangerous part the important part?"
],
[
"I don't know.",
"I don't know.",
"It's sort of makes sense.",
"It sort of makes it easier to justify like behaving in this fashion.",
"I'm not sure that that's actually that I don't know."
],
[
"Well, I think this is the heart of the matter in your marriage is how free are you?",
"How free are you maybe that's the end of the sentence and how much are you as you describe very pointedly held hostage.",
"You certainly feel more free than you did maybe two months ago, but clearly not fully free because you don't feel you can express yourself when you feel angry because you're very worried about the implications in a very dire way."
],
[
"And I'm not always as worried about the implications and a diary way as it was this time.",
"I thought she was doing particularly poorly.",
"But I like this is back into it.",
"If my guess is about the thyroid issues is correct and she is in the more unstable place in the specific moment.",
"And so it's like so yes, the concerns are more dire.",
"Then I guess I feel like you made a statement and I mostly agree with the statement and so I'm not sure what to say in response.",
"Yeah.",
"I think that's an accurate assessment.",
"It does not feel particularly free to say that I found this upsetting not that I can completely hide from her when I find something upsetting but"
],
[
"So are you saying nowhere to go?",
"It's like you don't have a train of any thoughts or you don't know what to do about it or"
],
[
"Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to do about it.",
"Now I feel like you're pointing to this thing I'm saying.",
"Yes.",
"That seems like about the right thing."
],
[
"now what?"
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"Yes."
],
[
"you know we can spend time talking about that more but I'm not sure what further description of the problem will do if we both already grasped what the problem is, or maybe the point is I don't fully grasp what the problem is, but"
],
[
"I think that's the part.",
"I'm not sure that you specifically don't fully grasp.",
"Maybe we don't know all of what's at stake.",
"I mean, you're not the one to do something because you're feeling that is going to set you already fragile way around suicide alley over the edge that construction.",
"Yeah.",
"Okay.",
"Well, it's logical that makes sense.",
"But then there are also some students and that that sort of things need to be thought about"
],
[
"Yeah, and this is a big case.",
"It wasn't so much like",
"It wasn't so much that I thought that she was suicidal in the moment.",
"And that anything I said my push over the edge, but it certainly has a subjects related to my behavior in this time.",
"So it's more than",
"so part of it is that since she's already made that or is about to make the call.",
"To get the prescription refill There's no practical value in asking.",
"Why did you do this?",
"Because she's already fixed it and some cents or as much as it is possible to fix it at that point.",
"And so there is no immediacy to the discussion even to happen in about time.",
"She already feels guilty.",
"I'm bad about not having done it and I feel angry and that's only use what kind of combination of emotions for us to have the conversation.",
"And so if I were to wait for a little while before bringing it up again, I can be less angry and she can be less guilty and maybe we can actually have a conversation in which the in which the likes box or piece that she has to do with it in a more timely fashion can be discussed."
],
[
"I was thinking that there are a couple pieces in that one is that it's helpful to know why I'm not just commenting on the timeline of when you bring it up, but she really may have not think it impacts her mood of the way you feel a Mite and so that's a conversation."
],
[
"It's also conversation.",
"She really doesn't like having she really doesn't like it when I suggest that this I have watched this thing impact your mood."
],
[
"Do you know why she doesn't like it?"
],
[
"That's a good question.",
"I think it's just a piece where she feels like someone else can notice it, but she should have noticed.",
"I think there's a piece where she has had plenty of people tell her.",
"Oh, you should try this secure your depression.",
"You know, like when I had a headache I took some Aspirin you had a migraine you should take some aspirin also and that's with an LG and it doesn't she has a particular I read about that class of discussion and I think any suggestion of this is a thing that is contributing to your mood to have some emotion."
],
[
"Is it this pedantic?"
],
[
"I think so.",
"Yeah."
],
[
"All these things seem like great openings conversations.",
"Like if she does feel like you're being pedantic maybe there's information in that you're being pedantic taking that you are.",
"I'm not you are in response to something in this Behavior.",
"She's doing this actually listening that responds.",
"So it's an enter fraction.",
"You're not just an acting in a vacuum.",
"That's an interesting kind of conversation.",
"I mean, there is a lot of interesting you're saying these are the reasons not to have a conversation and I'm saying those are actually interesting departures for a conversation."
],
[
"Yeah, that was I was attending to give reasons not to have that conversation in the moment when I'm angry and she has like in that moment.",
"Your first qualifying statement was not commenting on the time scale.",
"These are reasons to have that conversation and that sounds right.",
"and I guess now we're at the point of needing to talk about the time scale because I think",
"Yeah, I think you're right that those are interesting departure points for conversations.",
"There are stations back.",
"We haven't been able to have the way we would have two or three years ago and more recent.",
"My day is like in the last 4 months, but that's because there has been a sense in which the Tonya I would have those conversations with hasn't existed in the last several months.",
"There's a sense in which she really is there again, so yeah, those are the conversations that",
"Would be good to have as conversations and not just me telling her that she needs to take the medicine medication."
],
[
"What were you just thinking?"
],
[
"Just very vaguely about the strange place.",
"Our lives are in terms of like how do we get to the place where I'm telling her to take her medication like house?",
"Like how is that like how what would seem like a reasonable motive interaction for us?",
"It's just not.",
"Yeah, it's just not really that's not really a partnership or relationship so much as it I don't know.",
"How do I say?",
"I'm not sure what the word to use but",
"guardianship"
],
[
"stewardship"
],
[
"Maybe I don't know.",
"I think that's the thing to grow to regain and I really I think that doing that in a normative hiring motion is a way to work toward regaining the mode of interaction."
],
[
"Yeah, I thought on that obviously whatever you want to do you do the issue at hand is that you felt for so long that you had to bracket your needs for the sake of Tonya and innocence about a conflict that your needs if they don't maybe not to say undermine her needs.",
"At least undermine your ability to be present for her.",
"So there's a conflict on that level.",
"This is may be more direct that maybe you need to be expressive at the moment actually undermines what you think her need is to stay alive.",
"Her need is whether it undermines it or not.",
"If the question it goes to the heart of I mean, you may not think that it's much to give up by waiting a day or so.",
"It may not that may not be a big issue for you, but it sort of guessed the heart of how much do you need to bracket your needs or hold yourself back and strain yourself or confine yourself for the sake of poignant.",
"What were you thinking?"
],
[
"I hate thinking I can't you say that's right.",
"What do I talk about in response to that?",
"And I think the important thing is that I think that it's impacting the way I interact with people and more generally particularly for I think that in a sense habit of rocking my needs is in order to maintain it.",
"I have done it more than just in my relationship with Tanya and it's hard to notice it at first and some sense because I usually try to be a considerate person taking into account the needs of other people.",
"So this and a sense, please directly into a worldview that I have already have and so it's I think it's hard to notice or has been hard to notice that"
],
[
"And it's a fine line.",
"It's on a Continuum.",
"They're not discrete categories being considerate of others needs sometimes means bracketing your needs of it."
],
[
"Sure."
],
[
"Then sort of extrapolate out, you know in and being especially considered of being desperate."
],
[
"rain"
],
[
"You know, there's no there is not distinct category.",
"That's a Continuum which makes it more complicated.",
"It's like on one level you're not wanting to express yourself In the Heat of the Moment for fear of hurting Tanya.",
"It also sounds reasonable enough, but there is more complexity to it than that cuz that always have to be the cage."
],
[
"If it does have to be the case right now or how long does it have to be the case because I don't know that it's really sustainable thing for years.",
"I'm not even sure that's really a relationship again."
],
[
"I'm clear that when we've talked about this before I put in a very direct manner Tanya Tennessee to abdicate her responsibility and your tendency to fill in all of the spaces a responsibility whether it's your responsibility or not, even your entitlement or not to do so does not fit well.",
"I mean in some ways it fits very well, but in others."
],
[
"It works perfectly perfectly together."
],
[
"Where is perfectly accepted doesn't help either of you?"
],
[
"right"
],
[
"And so when you say how is it that we've gotten to this point that I'm telling her to take her medication."
],
[
"Well, yeah, that's a pretty good mechanistic answer for how we got there.",
"Yeah."
],
[
"When you're speaking to Tanya as you might kind of might tell A demented grandmother, did you take your medication today?",
"I'm not saying you said it in that boy's butt that becomes a structure."
],
[
"Ryan so I try not to do that to avoid that structure but end up in this place and then I'm angry and we're back into it.",
"Like it's a complicated in that way."
],
[
"But you broadened it when you started to think about as the extent to which you do that and this in a very particular context in your marriage and also in terms of what's going on for Tanya, but then you're sort of expanding into thinking about how this plays out in other relationships for you."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"Yeah, so we were visiting our friends last week and you know, occasionally like the question of what you want to do and I found it nearly impossible to answer that question.",
"I always find that something of a difficult question because I feel like my needs needs to be balanced against some sense of group needs which I think comes from having for siblings and having a strong recognition that we all have desires like from an early age.",
"But usually I find the problem like, where's the balance of something like that here?",
"I found unable to identify a particular or desire.",
"Sometimes it's also the case like sometimes I just don't care but",
"But in this context it seemed or scenes or something.",
"Like I have suppressed that desires to the extent that I can't find them."
],
[
"Where do you think they went?"
],
[
"I don't know.",
"I don't know.",
"It's one of my thinking about this problem of what to do.",
"I want to do next.",
"What is the next step in my career.",
"Really?",
"I have a hard time figuring out what I want, but I do have some desire still like there is a sense in which I really don't want to live in a city larger than this.",
"I'd rather live in a city smaller than this.",
"I can be sort of very clear that I don't want that but it's taking me a little bit of time to recognize that desire or anti desire."
],
[
"Denver is a pretty big city.",
"There are that many cities in the country bigger than this."
],
[
"That's true."
],
[
"In general if you count the Metro."
],
[
"Sure."
],
[
"So that's actually not hard.",
"I'm sure there are more concentration of jobs in those larger cities."
],
[
"There is that problem.",
"Yeah."
],
[
"But still there are not that many cities that are larger."
],
[
"No, it's not a problem.",
"Like the issue is something more like it took me awhile to come to recognize that this is something that I don't want.",
"Although it's really obvious that I don't want that.",
"I'm not that happy living in the city like in a day today since it's just really noisy.",
"And there's nowhere Greener quiet.",
"I read There are trees.",
"So at least there are trees on the street.",
"It's not like parts of Delaware.",
"But yeah, so I don't know where they went, but I can recognize them as they come back or something."
],
[
"Comeback meaning that they were there, but they are buried."
],
[
"Yeah, I don't think I I don't think that I cease to have desires.",
"I think I cease to know what they were but I could be wrong about that.",
"Maybe I just stopped having any desires that I'm not sure at some point.",
"I don't know that it matters like a particular sense that I can't find them so they might as well not exist."
],
[
"Pretend like a big difference that they're there, but they're buried versus if they were never there because someone sends you then have to create something and other since you have to find out where they might be."
],
[
"And those processes feel similar to me, but they may not be."
],
[
"This is sort of a strange matter for but it's sort of like the difference between giving a piece of paper and a pen or you going to shovel like a paper and pen is creating something that isn't there and a shovel is going to dig around to see where they went."
],
[
"Okay."
],
[
"to me, they seem like different processes, but"
],
[
"Okay."
],
[
"I don't know.",
"Maybe that doesn't feel right.",
"Maybe they"
],
[
"You know, I do a lot of research and so the process of search and the process of research are pretty similar as far as idea the process of coming up with something new in the process of figuring out what is already known.",
"They have some more me some essential similarity.",
"They may not be as similar as I think they are because other people certainly seem to find them very very discreet enquiries.",
"It's interesting for me is like here are the values of what we know.",
"Obviously the next thing to look for is this but if you take away one of those pieces presumably it's the next obvious Beast look for in the cell.",
"Thinking about the shovel the pain that's a good for its contrast and I'd much rather.",
"Tell which is that never existed in which of them existed and cease to be and which are just hidden."
],
[
"No not know.",
"We're going to stop today.",
"See you next week."
],
[
"Okay."
],
[
"Take care of but why?"
],
[
"YouTube"
]
]
} |
|
D0423.S2.T02 | {
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"dialogue": [
[
"Ramona just to let you know the Monday Memorial Day.",
"I'm going to be out."
],
[
"What day does that?"
],
[
"Is the 27th.",
"So two more weeks after this it will be three weeks from now.",
"I'll take a week off."
],
[
"Okay."
],
[
"You're graduating.",
"Is it around then that you're graduating?"
],
[
"Actually, it's on the 18th this Saturday.",
"So I was actually wondering maybe for those two weeks if we could find another time since you'll be away the next week that Monday my in-laws are leaving in the morning, which I don't know if that means I should be around or not."
],
[
"So we so we should take off the 20th."
],
[
"Yes the 20th and then I guess the 27th if there are other times those weeks."
],
[
"If you want to take a look next week as it gets closer."
],
[
"That's fine."
],
[
"The reason turkey for me is that that week?",
"I'm out Friday.",
"So at the moment I'm pretty booked solid for the week."
],
[
"I can probably be okay.",
"I should probably talk to them and make sure."
],
[
"Going two and a half weeks.",
"It could be okay for the time."
],
[
"Yes, I can try.",
"I should probably just clarify with them what they're doing anyway."
],
[
"If it makes any difference, I might have a time open a little bit earlier in the day.",
"I don't know if that helps at all."
],
[
"I know it probably would because they said they were going to leave in the morning."
],
[
"I'm almost definitely going going to have a 120 time.",
"Would that be better?"
],
[
"That would probably yeah."
],
[
"Okay, so I'm going to put you down with?",
"For them.",
"Do you want to check on check on it and let me know?"
],
[
"Yeah, absolutely."
],
[
"Where are you?"
],
[
"I guess a little better.",
"I'm done pretty much.",
"I just have to finish up some research hours."
],
[
"Congratulations."
],
[
"Thanks and do my loan exit counseling so that's not too huge of a deal if I know that I was worked up about.",
"I've already got my grade and I got a 97 so that was good."
],
[
"Wow."
],
[
"That was my main class.",
"So that was good.",
"I had a job interview at the on Friday.",
"So that's good."
],
[
"Oh my God."
],
[
"And then I had sort of another pseudo interview during the week.",
"I say pseudo because she just has to wait for her new job to be secure before her position officially open, but they already asked for my resume and gave it to her boss.",
"So that's hopeful."
],
[
"Where is that at?"
],
[
"that's at Walter Reed at the clinic.",
"When I'm more interested in so yeah, it's going"
],
[
"And these are for research assistantship kind of positions."
],
[
"sort of the one at the was a data coordinator, which it turns out.",
"It's kind of a glorified data entry person and you don't need a master's or anything for it.",
"The other one is actually a patient Navigator, which I don't know if you know, it's kind of a new thing."
],
[
"I don't."
],
[
"For the HIV everyone at the Walter Reed get screened for HIV and then they would get screened additionally if they're positive for the study and they pretty much have to have almost full blown AIDS or actually have full-blown AIDS and the IV drug users.",
"So pretty serious cases Denison and IH trial is being done in 10 major cities and their three arms of the RCT.",
"And one of them is patient navigation, you basically go with them to their doctor's appointment.",
"You learn about their medications and their side effects you go to are there methadone clinic with them here in contact a lot with them and it's to really be a support system and encourage them to adhere that's one of the arms of the trial that sounds interesting.",
"She also evaluates the program.",
"So it's less Abby and more infectious disease.",
"It was interesting and good.",
"I just have to wait and hear what happens from her."
],
[
"It's nice to feel that their irons in the fire in the possibility of things."
],
[
"Yeah, it was encouraging to have interviews before I'm even done and said that was helpful.",
"I haven't even applied to that many yet.",
"So it feels a little hopeful so that's good."
],
[
"How's things been with your senses with your sense of yourself you finish this exam?",
"This is a big deal this transition, but I want to hear kind of wear."
],
[
"Yeah, it's funny.",
"My mom called the other day and asked I just wanted to know how your interview and your exam went and I told her and she's like and how are you feeling about yourself?",
"Are you feeling any better about yourself?",
"I guess answer is not really which is weird because you would think but not too much."
],
[
"It's not that weird.",
"That's why I ask because these other things can kind of cover-up and for the time being makes it feel like the external is going a little bit better.",
"The long-term deeper work is still about your feelings about your own person regardless.",
"The reason is why why is not surprising Ramona it is that you've gotten plenty of eggs in the past for example, and it doesn't touch this feeling it's not like, oh now I am a worthless person and that gets inside now,"
],
[
"Feels like an expectation.",
"In fact, I felt a little silly because I'm old enough, but I told my mom that I was good and I got a 97 and she was like, of course you did.",
"Of course.",
"They let you interview you of course it went.",
"Well.",
"I know how she meant it.",
"She meant it.",
"Like I had no doubt I have confidence in you but it felt a little bit like, it's Baseline.",
"So it's okay.",
"I had a really long week just really really long days.",
"I was exhausted but then somehow Saturday morning by 9.",
"I'm redoing one of the kitchen cabinets and I thought okay, at least I held off I let it go during the week, but the kitchen counter was gross and I could let it go anymore.",
"So I did that.",
"I did one cabinet and the rest of the apartment still needed to be cleaned.",
"I let it go."
],
[
"Meaning you stopped at one cabinet.",
"You got one cabinet clean."
],
[
"It was already clean.",
"I just decided I wanted to rearrange it a little bit dishes and stuff like that."
],
[
"It could be all so it could also be that you're human.",
"You're a human being who gets tired and needs a predicate and some time to sleep more and some time to not do as many activities if it stays like that that's a different story.",
"But I also never hear that you get to say to yourself.",
"I get a break till I get a break today."
],
[
"Saturday and Sunday, I didn't apply to any jobs I kept up with but it was okay.",
"I'm not going to apply to any jobs.",
"It's okay.",
"I didn't do my loan exit counseling either which I can do online which I just want to make myself do today.",
"So it's good but also recognize the part we were talking about like it's never enough.",
"I guess.",
"I'm still waiting to feel to really feel good.",
"And now it's okay.",
"I can get the apartment floor room cleaned, especially because everybody is coming to visit and if I get us all a job offer that I want that I accept and then I have a start date and I finish up these last couple of things that I have for school, then that's good.",
"It's like that's the new I'm like, once that happens.",
"There's going to be something else.",
"So on the one hand, it's probably normal to feel relief once you get a job lined up but on the other hand, it's like there's no moment.",
"I'm stopping and feeling just good about it's done.",
"It's over.",
"It's probably also because I'm terrified of school is over and it does not feel good at all to have it be over because it's all I've ever done is been the one thing for out everything in my life that has been studying and a place where even if it's baseline or it needs everybody's expectations only it still feels good and other people recognize it just being in school with all the work then deadlines and activity.",
"Is it such a productive atmosphere?",
"I guess.",
"I always based my Worth or self-esteem off of doing all of that.",
"And if I may ask my own devices what's going to happen and if I don't have those grades whatever they are, or if I can't obsess over those things to make me feel good or alleviate my anxiety.",
"What am I going to do?",
"I've already gone down the thought process of what if I get fired from whatever job I get which is so bizarre, but it's so typical for me to have a worst-case scenario survival plan in place.",
"I know that's really unhealthy not proud of it.",
"So that's scary for me on top of which I'm pretty scared that once it's over and I start working.",
"I'm really worried that a lot of resentment is either going to be solidified or it's going to really come out especially with Ivan because it's going to be the end of the two-year agreement and he's still going to be not quite holding up his end still really struggling to stay supports a supportive things about what I've done and it's going to be over.",
"There's going to be no room to correct it fix it deal with it and I worry about that."
],
[
"When you say the end of the two-year agreement, what's the two-year agreement?"
],
[
"We just agreed that I was going to go to school for two years and we agreed that Ivan was going to work full time for 2 years.",
"That was pretty much it."
],
[
"and after that"
],
[
"There wasn't really all those kind of implied before the whole grad school thing happened.",
"It was implied that Ivan was going to be working for those two years and he was hopefully going to be getting started on his PhD or getting its better job and I would probably just work for a while.",
"I really worry about that and it sounds like I can't get over it.",
"I mean I can't evidently and I don't want to be like that.",
"I don't want to carry around this Grudge, but I'm worried that that's what's going to happen.",
"And I'm also worried that and whatever happens with him.",
"I'm not going to have this cool thing.",
"That's kept me afloat to hang on to hang onto and what if I'm not good at my job and what if it doesn't pan out and what is my co-workers don't like me and what if there is no Baseline measure of success.",
"I don't know."
],
[
"What if you struggle the way Ivan has?"
],
[
"I feel all of this pressure to either get the perfect job that pays a lot of money or what if I don't have anything for a while and then I could be applying or not applying like he has been and just in this limbo it feels right now like no matter what I do.",
"I'm really scared that it's going to bring that issue with us."
],
[
"It feels like those things and how you feel about yourself in this stage of your life and how you feel about him and listen since are so intertwined.",
"It's like you are simultaneously imagine imagining this is going to make me feel this much more critical of myself as well as him.",
"I was thinking the same thing about your quitting school, even though you talk about your childhood a lot of times it sounds like school and I may be projecting a little bit because you haven't said it in this level of detail, but I imagine you were going to school getting homework assignments coming home doing your homework.",
"This is kind of been structuring in the Scaffolding in a way that's giving you a sense of yourself and feels like something that you can hang your hat on that makes you feel good enough about yourself is getting good grades meeting deadlines getting on top of things.",
"To be at this turning point where you're imagining letting go of that as the scaffolding of your positive sense of yourself is terrifying.",
"Who are you going to think?",
"Who are you going to think of yourself?",
"How are you going to think of yourself as an employee at a job where it's not these are grave.",
"There will be evaluations of some kind at every job there are and it's but it's really really really quite different you felt good about yourself or about checking off boxes of school in some ways to me.",
"This is an opportunity to get no to get to know more about what those feelings are underlying because they'll come out in a little bit more without the scaffolding."
],
[
"Yeah, I'm really worried.",
"It also feels like the one place.",
"I've always been where I get recognized for doing well and varying levels, but also all the adults are responsible and there their and they're reliable is an environment where I can count on other people wear.",
"It's a very strict expectation.",
"If this professor didn't get back to you.",
"Just isn't allowed to happen.",
"They have their people to answer to there are all of these other people who are doing the same thing.",
"I guess.",
"It's still supported it still safe.",
"How can going to school be a bad thing?",
"You're doing something really good and productive this contributing."
],
[
"It's really it's a really interesting Association to because in a way you're saying that school is an environment where you have mostly gone to count on the authority figures doing what they're supposed to do."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"They might be better or worse at their job a little bit, but they're still going to show up.",
"They have to teach the class.",
"They have to grade your papers.",
"They have to get their grades in or else they get in trouble, right?",
"There's another Authority holding them accountable and that's been so reassuring to have adults in your life.",
"Who do their job."
],
[
"Like it's a place where people who are potential have to use it at some level.",
"They all have to I guess I feel like my parents and I've been there so much potential and they don't have to fulfill it.",
"I'm also a little scared that it's going to be hard because it's the one area in which my dad to talk.",
"You can talk about school.",
"He can talk about work and that's like it and he's already he wants me to go to vet school.",
"Pretty much.",
"I was pretty bad undergrad.",
"That was my focus."
],
[
"He says that."
],
[
"He would never say that but you still like what about those jobs with I know a couple of people at school Corvette.",
"What about contacting them?",
"It's not something that I'm opposed to but I just feel like he's still really want so I guess it's a little scary.",
"Go about 2 because it's the one area in which he always looks Babe Ruth favorably upon me."
],
[
"It's a it's a way you feel like you have contact and connectedness with him."
],
[
"Right and I'll have that if I get a good job, I will have that but I already feel pressure because he's like now don't take the first offer you get Ramona.",
"If someone does give you an offer you don't have to rush I feel this pressure.",
"I know he probably doesn't mean to put it that way between that and my mother-in-law continually harping on the CDC.",
"I'm just like I really just want to get something and whatever I get I want people to not make a fuss but I want them to have something positive to say instead of always.",
"Okay, but you could have done especially in light of what's been going on.",
"Even if you don't think it's fair or his parents to say he's managing a coffee shop and that's just the way it is, but why aren't you working for one of the biggest organization?",
"It feels like all of All or Nothing it feels",
"But I'm not going to let that work we have it's my job and I'm going to do what I want or what I'm capable of doing.",
"That would be the healthy way to go about it."
],
[
"so who this is your father may be inside you what could this possibly feel like with her did he have expectations how did they play out as a kid expectations around job in school bus air pressure from your parents"
],
[
"Yeah, that's the thing.",
"My parents were never in my entire life asked me or to my knowledge call me to work on homework or study for an exam to have done that would have been an insult.",
"In fact, sometimes my dad even just in grad school if you like.",
"Well, I know you got to study that type of thing which is kind of insulting because coming from them they would just never have asked us to our assignments or anything like that because we were never not going to do them.",
"It's just the way things were."
],
[
"Work you and your sister."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"You automatically did your work."
],
[
"right"
],
[
"We can take a bath."
],
[
"Yes, I don't feel like there was ever a situation know and I never said like we need you to get all A's or we would love you more if you got all A's, but it was also never a big deal.",
"Sometimes we go to dinner at the end of the school year something or once we did get a report cards, but it's not like a let's go celebrate.",
"They never did that.",
"But my dad did have a tough time the first time I got a D in chemistry test time."
],
[
"What happened?"
],
[
"It was just a marking.",
"Grade.",
"It wasn't my total grade.",
"But I done very poorly on the exam and it wasn't because I hadn't studied.",
"I'm still about a chemistry kind of but he was just speechless.",
"He didn't say anything and then there was a parent-teacher conference that came up and he went in and spoke to my chemistry teacher alone and wanted to know what I should be doing.",
"And then he's preparing for the next exam and telling me okay sample ballot questions that your professor thinks the exam is really based on the bus.",
"So you need to be doing these instead.",
"I know he meant well, but it felt a little difficult because I wasn't stalking off that would have been one thing I guess."
],
[
"There's no Envy no part in your effort in your working really hard at something as kind of a Paramount thing and the great is really secondary."
],
[
"Yeah, but I think my dad would never think of it that way because he works insanely hard his dad work insanely hard knowing whatever it would be like an insult if someone asked him to go to work or ask him to apply to a job because it's just understood expected Baseline."
],
[
"That's kind of how you feel.",
"When I Ivan's parents are saying things like that to you.",
"Like do they know who I am don't they know?",
"I'm going to get a job and I'm going to do well."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"But I guess that's the thing you're describing.",
"It's so assumed.",
"I don't know how to describe this.",
"It's almost like you don't get to get to Applause.",
"If you do well at something it's just taken as a given expectation your mom saying well, of course."
],
[
"I guess I have a situation in which I got really upset about it, which is really weird for me."
],
[
"When you were younger you're saying."
],
[
"No within the last couple of years my friend Judy from college a really great friend.",
"I really love her.",
"She's wonderful, but we're different in a lot of ways.",
"She did this internship down a Disney.",
"She likes to cook and she did this cooking program for 1 year giant college came back from the internship and she moved in with her parents and she didn't have a job until May and he came back around Thanksgiving and they were totally fine with this because she was like if I had if I take a bad job, I know myself and I want to fight anymore.",
"So they just let her not do any and my parents would never let me this is unthinkable."
]
]
} |
|
D0424.S2.T06 | {
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"dialogue": [
[
"What's new?"
],
[
"So, I don't know if I mentioned that my type of medication is changing."
],
[
"Oh, I don't think so."
],
[
"Yeah, which is not really.",
"Oh, I think I met with her like the day after we last met a day or two.",
"I'm switching off Lexapro and onto Celexa or Celebrex whichever one is actually in a depressant."
],
[
"Probably Celexa, I think Celexa and Lexapro, you know how there is right-handed and left-handed molecules.",
"I think one's one and the others the other."
],
[
"Yeah, she said it was kind of like unfortunately.",
"She's like so",
"You're going to feel like crap for a while and I was like, oh, well, then awesomely right on schedule.",
"I started feeling like crap the 23rd 24th.",
"Yeah.",
"She had actually predicted that one of the worst day is probably going to be around the 27th, and it was horrible."
],
[
"That's too bad."
],
[
"Yeah Ikea today with my parents and my mom and offered to drive me home, but we had a little miscommunication."
],
[
"I'm going to put this on if you can talk a little louder, right she offered to drive you back."
],
[
"There was some miscommunication about me staying 3 days longer and when I realized that I was like I almost we were out at my parents house.",
"And this all came and I'm like, I don't know if I can move her go to dinner or do anything.",
"So I was just like, oh my God, I can't do three more days.",
"Actually it would have been for more days at that point.",
"Amazingly my parents.",
"My mom did not freak out about me staying about me saying, so I'm leaving tomorrow with surprise me a lot, but she didn't"
],
[
"So what day was that?"
],
[
"Thursday so what Christmas is Wednesday, so yeah the 26th.",
"It was like"
],
[
"right, so you have the double whammy of"
],
[
"yeah, I think my mom knows I wasn't feeling great.",
"Because she was also being really anxious and one of the ways she likes to express this is just to stare at me a lot with a concerned face or speak really loudly and try to drive me into conversation, which doesn't work very well.",
"Add appointment brother is sort of a talk to Mom.",
"I can't do it.",
"Yeah, I mean the trip was it was okay for the first few days or so.",
"I was like, oh, okay Christmas to you happened Christmas happened, but",
"That was okay, but I felt like I don't know the bed.",
"She had me sleeping is extrude excruciating Lee and comfortable and my brother's wife gets really cold is Italy so that he doesn't like seven day and I will end it like 66 or 67.",
"So I'm always hot and sweaty and I end up having to buy myself to shirt so I can wear something always so frustrating because there's no one no one of my house like my brother his wife my parents the largest shirt.",
"In the house would probably be a smaller or medium so I couldn't borrow anything which always makes me feel awkward this year.",
"My brother's like know.",
"I have a loose shirt and I'm like, no that won't say I'm having that argument is just having the argument is just frustrating.",
"I'm like look at the two of us I wouldn't fit and yeah, I'm still feeling I still feel like garbage.",
"I just don't feel good, which is really frustrating.",
"I told actually I was like, I'm really sorry.",
"I doing this medication switch.",
"Sorry and one day I think I think was this weekend.",
"I was cooking something and Ashley was like, do you need any help and I was like no.",
"No, I'm good.",
"I was Keen to cook and then I suddenly wasn't feeling was feeling super resentful and angry at her for not helping to cook even though I hadn't asked her.",
"In fact, in fact, I said know which made me feel so crazy because I'm just like I didn't even you know, I was both upset like I was still really upset about it, but also thinking you shouldn't be because you didn't ask what level also that was upsetting."
],
[
"That kind of thing has been happening."
],
[
"Yeah, when we were talking doctor koth at one point was asking was I was worried that I might need to take some FMLA days off.",
"I was feeling completely extra not great.",
"Which I don't know why last week didn't happen.",
"I was sick on Thursday Friday.",
"I had it I had a snow day.",
"So I feel like I've only been working for 2 days, so I don't know."
],
[
"Did dr.",
"Bond estimate things would improve?"
],
[
"We're supposed to have met on Wednesday, but he is but she's sick.",
"So now she's saying probably a month at least."
],
[
"Why did you switch?"
],
[
"Actually wanted to switch off the Wellbutrin.",
"Which we talked which we were talking about.",
"But I have been.",
"Having the sudden moments of feeling.",
"Really intensely weepy and I don't know if they were increased but they weren't going away.",
"So that concerned her I don't know.",
"My response was like oh whatever.",
"I'll tough it out.",
"I can tough it out for a while, which is usually my response.",
"I do agree not being super not I too agree.",
"Not being randomly weepy would be good.",
"If you know I could do my homework and work it would be nice.",
"So I was talking to my mom about Wellbutrin how Wellbutrin makes me really sweaty and well and my my brother was like, oh, yeah that can happen to my mom's response was why doesn't your psychiatrist give you another drug?",
"That's perfectly as good.",
"That doesn't cause you to sweat.",
"Thanks Mom.",
"It was that easy mom.",
"It was just so crazy like oh God.",
"It's",
"It was mostly funny.",
"But I'm also like giving my mom's obsession with her how her children should be medicated.",
"I would think that she would know more about how that might work just as well as had met major medication problems increasingly.",
"She does not.",
"Receive them as bad medication interactions.",
"He took lithium and it didn't work for him.",
"So and so my mom my mom's theory is that my brother insisted on taking Lithium because Dad took it and",
"But he was insisting on taking it.",
"Even though someone maybe her said that he shouldn't.",
"My mom is I think they gave him was the end because he's bipolar and that's what everyone does but my mom kind of really blames my brother for it's very strange.",
"I don't",
"I've been asking her less about it about her thoughts and feelings about my brother because he's super frustrating."
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"I also have this I don't know what conversation with my dad that stuck with me, which was I was talking to Will.",
"I think I was talking to Ashby.",
"My brother's wife asked me about my frustrations at work and I felt so frustrated with chat in like not being able to get him to give me work.",
"Even when I asked directly and she was like, why don't you ask and likewise asking but you won't give it to me and then the conversation start of stops, which I understand.",
"They don't have an answer in my dad was in the room and he was and I was just like while you're probably not paying attention, but what do you think and he said you want me to actually answer so his response was interesting first.",
"He mentioned that I had expressed frustrations with managers many times before which is true.",
"He feels that I do not communicate well enough.",
"He thinks the problem is a communication problem along with a diplomacy issue, which I really disagree.",
"I don't think it's so I asked him to explain because I was like, I don't know.",
"I don't think I think I know how to communicate.",
"It's true that I can't that I can't get pissy about diplomacy, but I'm perfectly capable of doing I just don't always want to"
],
[
"right"
],
[
"Yeah, so first he gave me his advice which was which is to out to do Stout cat out last people which is awful.",
"But then his other thing",
"I guess it's called the Ben Franklin effect or the Ben Franklin method, which is Ben Franklin Ben Franklin.",
"There was someone I guess stud at one point and Congress in Congress.",
"You didn't get along with him Ben Franklin hated this guy because he was a jerk and so Franklin decided the way to win him over was asked a jerk for a book that Franklin really wanted to read sauce to borrow the book return the book with a note.",
"This was such a great book.",
"Thank you so much for doing me a favor at the favor of letting this book.",
"It was awesome blah blah blah and then after that he want over the person.",
"And I told him I know where this is going, but my dad the sort of idea that my dad was going with which is that if there's someone you have a conflict.",
"But you have conflict.",
"That you're sort of thinking about your conflict with.",
"What you want to do is put them in a position where you think you kind of manifest some doing something a nice for you and then you compliment them.",
"That was so great.",
"But you were nice to me or thank you so much for your notes early on whatever and though.",
"and through this people like being commented complemented people like something useful so"
],
[
"They like being appreciated."
],
[
"Yes and Wild.",
"While it's like a totally interesting idea.",
"I feel like I still don't.",
"Feel the root of the problem is communication or my lack.",
"Or my lack my inability to communicate which I did.",
"I told my dad.",
"Mike fundamentally, I can't communicate communicate around there's no way for me to communicate around bertos racism or sexism.",
"They can't hear me in that I just so I just stopped there's nothing really to do.",
"You didn't respond to that but we did talk a little bit about I don't know if the where is diplomacy or other things, but my dad's worked or since 1980 you worked for for like 20 years.",
"He wasn't Academia briefly before that as a professor."
],
[
"a chemistry professor"
],
[
"Yes, and he left Academia because he disliked politics or dad.",
"We've already talked about how we both hate the same kind of politics and doing this you would think that I would hate that.",
"Like I don't think my dad gets the extent to which there is really no pressure for someone.",
"His if you're not a great manager, but you're not horrible.",
"There's no pressure to make you leave.",
"No, one says sales are down in the music library Department.",
"There's nothing there's no one so",
"and there is no.",
"So if you're if you are moderately competent enough to show it to meetings.",
"You are just going to get this into this position and then you",
"Be there until you retire.",
"I'm speaking broadly, but that's what happens.",
"That's why people like University jobs.",
"Retirement she's working within a 4-year product environment.",
"Where people was where someone was really confident you'd be like me hear Department efficiency, whatever whatever whatever and that just doesn't exist.",
"I guess I felt my dad was sort of operating under the idea that this was a if the workplace is in an Ascend isn't an essentially not a guilt not a guilt but like you're not the Invisible Hand while you knock the economy, I think at his head there some kind of invisible hand of Merit."
],
[
"I see sort you out."
],
[
"And he also I don't think really believe in what I said I've asked for work and I don't get it.",
"He's like, well, obviously the way you've been asking for work isn't working.",
"So you should ask another way.",
"There's only did number of ways to do it."
],
[
"big or small words"
],
[
"Yeah, I can rephrase I can try.",
"I can you know.",
"Whatever I've done but in the end there's a the communication problem is my fault in the end and beavers only so many ways you can ask someone for work.",
"There are very few.",
"I understand is completely irrational and crazy and doesn't make any sense that this would be happening but"
],
[
"that only makes it so much more stressed rating and it is"
],
[
"and yeah, it's like",
"when I talk about it people everyone's like come on.",
"What would he say?",
"Why would he say that there's always work for you to do and then not give you and I'm like, well, I don't know.",
"That's a good question that I can't answer.",
"I got very caught on."
],
[
"I think you get lots of your mom's Wellbutrin questions, essentially, you know."
],
[
"Why don't you just do something better?"
],
[
"Yeah, well, there's an obvious and simple explanation for this."
],
[
"Yeah, yeah."
],
[
"Are you clearly haven't thought of and tried?"
],
[
"I just did that.",
"One thing that was funny is that I was talking to my dad more generally and he was like, well people probably know that you don't like your manager like well sort of I try not to express that generally people often say it to me.",
"Oh, you must love having chat is your manager Pearl is your building head or whatever and I'm like, nope.",
"I usually just don't answer.",
"But if someone presses then I'll answer.",
"My dad was like really they don't know how you feel.",
"Okay fine, which is true.",
"Like I'm sure than our department all staff meetings I have",
"Kind of given up on pretending that I'm not frustrated.",
"But all our staff meetings are actually not that many people and I don't know I guess I hope that I don't actually want to broadcast my fridge and content across the entire library.",
"That would be bad and I'm special and also just not good.",
"I think my dad is right that yes, certainly.",
"Some people have noticed probably managers notice and I'm not thrilled.",
"I mean you'd have to but the not entirely helpful response in my head is like well",
"I try really hard to be different product.",
"But at this point buck.",
"Which is I sometimes think.",
"But like if I'm capable of being diplomatic and like sucking it up or whatever and if something is critical.",
"Better someone's Behavior shoves me over the edge and part of me is like, well you deserve it because she is Christ.",
"The level it would have to be to try and go get to that level to have to get to me.",
"Like vocally.",
"I work tell someone off is pretty insane, but that's a totally fine rationalization for me, but it doesn't",
"Carl and cheddar so in positions of power and black, you know"
],
[
"Right.",
"I mean the only pieces that I start to wonder about and this is probably the same as everybody else.",
"There's a partial mild aspect of did you set your dad up a little bit in the following way.",
"In fact, you've been frustrated over thinking about struggling with this for years with Chet and have tried many different things are completely exasperated and you and you know thinking he's a terrible manager for 12 different reasons as well as and you haven't talked too much explicit explicitly about this.",
"I mean you've alluded to it today and other times his sexism and racism which also contribute to things that make him hard to deal with that all seems like to me in a quite relevant context the question of hey, I asked my manager for work.",
"Give me an e. What do you think I should do.",
"Do you know what I mean?"
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"I don't know maybe that stuff your dad already knows but I guess with your dad kind of unlike your mom.",
"I'm not surprised to hear you say your mom has a question about Wellbutrin like but the story you were telling your dad if he knew all that stuff.",
"Maybe He suggests the Ben Franklin thing, but he wouldn't say it's just a communication problem.",
"Maybe he would I don't know.",
"It seems to me like there's a lot of sort of amount of time amount of effort erroneous sense of beating your head against the wall, the berries criticisms of chat that you have and which are well-earned by Chet that he doesn't know and that I imagined make his response both seem sillier and more madden mean to you."
],
[
"Sort of I have it's like he doesn't want to do an advice unless really expensive explicitly asked like really explicitly so I've asked him about dealing with racism at work and his response was by leaving them out and to try harder and that kind of thing.",
"I was not surprised but he said",
"I left them out.",
"I mean kind of what I have set him up said him not exactly.",
"I don't know I kind of said I'm up.",
"I also kind of want them to feel like that really sucks or offer some educated perspective."
],
[
"Don't imagine you're expecting him to have a solution for you.",
"I imagine you wanted him to be sympathetic that like they drive you nuts and especially for somebody who a is your dad and B, you knows the workplace.",
"He's an HR person like yeah, if you said a horrible manager can a horrible manager really can make a job miserable."
],
[
"I mean, I think in the end he I think he really believes that if I had us chat in the right way that he would have been like, oh, here's whatever I talk to him about it and told him Berry is trusted details."
],
[
"That makes sense given what you said before?"
],
[
"Yeah his"
],
[
"I imagine it feels to you like kind of a fantasy.",
"He has that if you handle it, right if you communicate right or if you sort of",
"Strategic or understand the situation well enough that you won't run into problems like that.",
"I imagine it feels sort of like kind of denial that he does about other things, too."
],
[
"Yeah, like I think the main message my dad is trying to give me about dealing with racism either in the workplace or my personal life is like no stay calm use the right nice voice don't sound like an angry black person sound like a nice person if you just freeze it right away this and stay cool and whatever the problem then the problem will go away."
],
[
"See.",
"Like you may be terribly vulnerable in the workplace and sometimes handling it in a certain way will help other times.",
"It won't make a damn bit of difference."
],
[
"Yeah, I also think that he believes that if there if there was really a problem that HR would respond and since they have in that means there's not really a problem."
],
[
"I see I wasn't aware.",
"I wasn't aware.",
"That's how it worked."
],
[
"Yes, yeah."
],
[
"The way that you're entirely vulnerable position with chat and you feel like people kind of want to look the other way from that."
],
[
"Yeah, I don't I mean I think given what I think.",
"It my dad does not want having done whatever activism sacrifice Exedra Exedra.",
"He does not want well and I to be in a world where we're still suffering Rachel racial Prejudice at work or school or whatever.",
"which sure but that's not"
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"what does not but happening but he's very he's very he's very invested in that which for me I think asked the vulnerability of being in a particular work situation because I feel like I've been I've the coping skills.",
"My dad taught me aren't actually helpful.",
"And in some ways they can be almost self-destructive.",
"And so I know that frustrates me a lot."
],
[
"Where do you have his support?",
"I mean you're saying the skills he gave you don't work and probably backfire."
],
[
"Yeah, I think he thinks he's being supportive but I think basically he's just like well, obviously it's not a real problem or it's not a really big problem because if it was these other things would be happening.",
"So yeah him telling me you've expressed frustrations with a lot of managers in the past.",
"I was kind of kind of like yes in really horrible experiences.",
"That like I don't know.",
"I felt like he was saying I am in argumentative.",
"recalcitrant",
"employee, which I don't think I am usually"
],
[
"That seems like it was a quite a hurtful conversation."
],
[
"yeah, he actually did ask me if I was upset.",
"If he said like at the beginning like this might hurt your feelings, but I think the problem is that you're is you're not diplomatic and asking that sort of thing.",
"It was nice that he was kind of aware that this might hurt my feelings, but I think that part for my feelings.",
"But I think the part that hurt my feelings, isn't that like?",
"Oh, you're right.",
"I am.",
"I don't know I'm too or I'm too whatever.",
"It's not that there's Behavior happy that I don't want to admit.",
"It's more like he won't.",
"I just feel like he doesn't I don't know.",
"It's not he started talking about about it as this I had a personal failing which is which it's not a personal feelings and in institutional feeling."
],
[
"Originally, you're feeling really vulnerable upset and frustrated about something and he's not being supportive about that and also telling you it's your fault."
],
[
"Yeah, yeah part of the thing with the Ben Franklin story is part of me thought.",
"Oh, right, you worked in business where there are books the blah method in the blah method and 360 eval whatever but also is very much the well, here's the solution you didn't think of",
"I was like actually did think of trying to Pharmacy in that didn't work."
],
[
"Tell me about is like you're his daughter and he's saying you failed to be diplomatic.",
"You know what I mean?",
"I know he's not sitting next to you at work.",
"But you talk to a lot of people and say a lot of things and his saying that he thinks you're not good at communicating without giving examples of things.",
"He seen firsthand or that he imagines you're not diplomatic without explaining why he thinks that's based on his own sense of you.",
"I don't know I guess makes I imagined could feel like he's disconnected."
],
[
"Yes, I think that's yeah a part of why it's really bothering me is I definitely have a sense of myself as being able to communicate.",
"Well, I was upset and I need to have my dad be like, nope.",
"That thing you thought you think you're good at you're not and when I think about things I'm good at doing in a workplace.",
"It's definitely one of them one of the big ones.",
"I think I'm like, oh I communicate I can communicate and all right way blah blah blah.",
"I have people and yeah.",
"I'm just kind of like I don't know I went to Cambridge and got an honors degree in Humanities by know how to write an essay.",
"I can I think that's what you spent a lot of money for me to learn."
],
[
"You guys have sat at the dinner table probably plenty of times.",
"Do you come across as somebody who has trouble communicating?"
],
[
"Yeah, I sent a message.",
"I know I should not be threatened.",
"But yeah."
],
[
"You guys have the communication thing.",
"You guys have the communication thing."
],
[
"yeah the only thing that I don't do very well as public speaking but that's a really great public speaker yeah it's really weird because it's very much a to me",
"the wake",
"I'm like that's not my dad just let someone else who isn't in any in any like there's a public speaker Persona sort of yeah it's just kind of like a work schmoozing Persona I mean it's still him but it's very like what just happened he's really gregarious and working the room and all these things and it's just kind of weird to me I have stage fright and he doesn't I'm kind of like all right you know I think I feel like he's seen me communicating basically all the ways except trying to do public speaking and also other people say that I'm better at it than I think"
],
[
"at Publix"
],
[
"Yeah."
],
[
"haha"
],
[
"Which I can accept maybe I don't know.",
"I just get so nervous about it.",
"But also it kind of feels like sort of in this like there's two sides me and Chet or management.",
"I feel like he's kind of picking not my side which feels horrible and really weird and it's really discouraging in terms of just I try to think about how they're working hard and other places are different in other like",
"But like my dad a my dad and be a person with a very different HR perspective having both these people like know the problem was you.",
"And just makes me feel that this is a problem that just let's just not that it's going to drive me crazy until I retire.",
"I don't know get him a car for Grant which doesn't really",
"it does not make me feel great about career prospects or anything because",
"I've been having this very much last four month or months with why I'm going to go to library school why I'm spending all this money and time.",
"Almost since I'm going since I'm going to get ahead anyway, blah blah blah and it feels like it's just sort of another Community confirmation that I'm not going to exceed to succeed and not changing institutions changing Coast changing whatever having a professional degree won't help.",
"I mean the other Prospect the other aspects someone I know asked me to contribute to a panel.",
"She's proposing at a library conference in conference in March a thing, which was she said to talk about.",
"Is ways in which or part of it?",
"Is she feels like there other app?",
"Spec's in her of her personal life and political activism and I've also helped her as a librarian sort of conceptually.",
"He's learned all these things like making zines for 10 years in a way it ended up being a form of professional development because she knows how to XYZ is through the only in for my information about accessibility Contra my spare time.",
"So I think a really good idea will be like",
"would be like yeah things I do for my off-time of relevant and important but I also get the reason I've been so I've been worried that if my co-workers or if I if it came out I don't know instead of being worried about my coworker is sort of invading my privacy online like their privacy like my personal privacy and work.",
"I'm like God if they if I was more vocal about my clinical use at work, which I am not.",
"Or if I was like or if I was just really like that's really racist instead of doing a huge dance around it.",
"Not saying anything.",
"That would negatively affect everything now.",
"Let it go.",
"God.",
"Maybe I shouldn't."
],
[
"time's almost up"
],
[
"I know."
],
[
"You take care."
]
]
} |
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